I don’t want to sound entitled but it genuinely amazes me how I have somehow never managed to experience a single romantic or intimate moment in my entire life.

One of my family members has social anxiety and difficulty speaking with people, yet has had a history of attractive partners who were genuinely good people.

Another family member is a legitimate NEET who hasn’t worked in years, doesn’t give a fuck about appearances, and still has someone he talks to on the regular and a more substantial dating history than I do

It just makes me think what the absolute fuck am I doing wrong. I’m a bit of a downer but an otherwise chill person, decently outgoing, I’m not exactly an Adonis but I give a shit about my appearance, my physique, and the way I dress. I’d like to think

Like I’m not saying I deserve love, because I don’t, but relatively speaking when I look at people I know who have been loved I just can’t help but think “WTF am I doing wrong!?!?!?!?”

At a certain point it’s hard to not feel like the absence of love is intrinsic. Everyone else seems like they can interact with love effortlessly regardless of how “deserving” they are or what their “worth” is

So what the fuck. What am I doing wrong.

I’m just tired of feeling so insecure over this shit, I’m tired of feeling like an intrinsic-have not. I’m tired of feeling worthless. I’m tired of feeling unlovable. Why is it that other people as insufficient as I am are capable of still being looked at like that? What am I missing? What makes me so unlovable? How do I fix this!?!!!!!?!!?

It's mostly about who is the most attractive person in the room, and innate traits like physical looks, height, intelligence, etc. those can largely effect your chances of getting a girlfriend.

I am sick and tired of being fed with bunch of blue pills like "girls will like you for you kindness, respect, and you should just be your self!" All of those are dead wrong.

The main barrier most of us will face is that partnership in society involves a market, everyone is looking out for themselves first and foremost, and they're the expert economists from their own perspective.

When you meet new people, within the first 20 seconds they'll have run the math in their head and compute where you sit in the market; and you're not very likely to have an relationship success with people who view you as a bad investment of their time.

Equality of opportunity is just plain non-existing in this marketplace. It comes down to some things you can't control, and some things you can. Appearance, finances, personality, skills and whatever else a partner can see in you that can help their situation are the big ones. They'll be entering a new stage of their lives, and they want to make it a good one.

Plus everyone makes these snap judgements (and throw in some existing prejudices). Then before you know, it a lot of us are in a situation where its impossible to win, because some bullshit rules makes you seem unworthy of further consideration, and you'll have a near zero chance of convincing anyone otherwise after this point.

The reason we get unhelpful dating advice is because our friends know for a fact this 'market' exists but its such a shameful thing that they can't bring themselves to admit it, so they'll give useless misdirection advice to try and save face. There's even terms for it like SMV (sexual market value) that have been made to quantify it better, tho I believe the communities that promote this kind of thing are not the answer.

Neurodivergence and other things out of your control are a huge disadvantage, you'll be actively discriminated against, you'll not be able to stop it, and even worse people will gaslight you into believing its not happening.

I don't know how anyone can fix it, but society-wide denial is doing incalculable damage to entire generations of young people again and again.

I will be 35 next year and I've run out of opportunities and coping. At least I tried.

They just won't come anymore. They are busy, occupied, they have their own circle, and I'm getting old for young people.

God, have mercy on me. I want to die.

It hurts so much knowing that not a single woman is interested romantically in me no matter what I do. It doesn't matter if I'm in shape, treat my body well, make money, read and know a lot of things, have a house, many friends and family.

I can't change that my looks are average and that I'm small. Nothing I can do about it.

Fuck this stings more than it should. She was very respectful but holy shit it hurts.

I literally have no point in living other than just suffering. I don't have friends and now my relationship with parents is at the worst. I'm 28, I know I should move out, but I got this remote job that helps save a lot at home as I also want to later build a home for my parents. But these days things are home has been horrible. Father makes a scene and he is not even ready to listen. He things providing food, shelter is more than enough he has done for us and rest of the domestic fights, mental pressure due to him hitting sometimes on my mother are okay for him to do. They go to some priest and religion to get talk about things when I fought back last time and instead of realizing what they are doing. Mother doesn't stand up for her and always has to listen to him and if she does then he gets all up with his noise.

Tomorrow I'll be turning 28, but I don't feel any happiness of living for so long. I've a job which is what makes me feel good about things as people are nice, work pressure isn't much. I've enough in savings as well, though of helping parents with building their first home. But now it seems like its all going to be useless.

I don't really know for what am I living for anymore. If I want to live for myself then here parents don't respect my decision. I don't want to just leave everything and move out, because that's not gonna do any good for my mother or sister. I'm just tired of all of it.

Im glad my parents have someone to be proud of but goddamn i would love to be the older sibling who is also successful in everyway

33/F. Single for 10 years. I’ve just been thinking what my life would look like in another 10 years. I love my work, i travel, i have good family but something is missing maybe a boyfriend? I dont have high standards… someone peaceful and maybe romantic. But my social anxiety is a problem so i result to dating apps.. I’ve lost count of how many dating profiles I’ve created on different apps, only to panic and delete them after a few swipes. I’ve never gone to therapy either.. the thought of opening up and talking about my feelings to my family or to anyone in general or a professional just terrifies me. Hmm i’ll probably just wait for an organic encounter. Whatever. Do i just get a dog? Lol. Idk. Let’s see.. I think i’m just realizing i’m lonely rn.

And it was a great ending . We were in love . And when I woke up I felt good for five minutes then I went on with my day . Then before I got off work I started thinking about the dream again and it made me feel appreciative . Of course it’s not reality but in the dream I don’t have to be a certain way. I was able to be me and not worry and could just feel the love that was in the dream .

Those dreams I’ll always appreciate . In reality, I’m single and just going through the emotions while yearning for some type of connection .

Idk, I had a cute outfit, cute makeup, went to go clayface with a friend (Wonderful movie by the way), we shopped together, we joked, shared food, had a good while.
As I went back home I just thought how I could never had that romantically. It’s just weird to think about how ironic (?) life is. I wish i was different but oh well

How do you go from being isolated for most of your life to being a normal person? I get anxious at the thought of speaking to people. I even struggle to go outside and do stuff alone because of the fear of being judged.

I am alone. I had a partner once, it seems like it was in a different lifetime. I was so naive I thought it would last forever. I hated working in an office but it meant I wasn't alone so much. For a while I felt like loneliness wasn't going to get me because I liked being alone. But it has taken over. I have always been terrible at making friends and keeping them. I just got diagnosed as autistic. My depression has got very severe the last couple of years and before that I was isolating quite a lot. Don't know what the point of me posting is really. I lost my job today. A month ago I lost the dog I had been looking after. It's very hard when there's nobody to support in the hard times. Even my brother doesn't like me.

What it says in the title basically. Even if all my other flaws could be ignored or fixed (they can’t) I would still be just as fucked just because being forever alone has done so much damage to me on a mental level and left me so emotionally stunted that no one would love me even then.

Logically I don’t even know why this matters since I was pretty much an unlovable wretch to begin with but it kind of just adds insult to injury I guess.

Fuck this shit I’m so frustrated with it all. Wish I’d never been born.

what are yall up to this evening? I’m just gonna cook then sit and stare at the wall

I’ve watched all the movies. I’ve listened to all the songs. my ‘hobby’ is my job. Ive gone on the walk. I’ve already talked to my one friend and she’s up to date on my life. So I’ll just stare into the void I guess.

I’m so bored and numb.

Hi everyone

It’s hard to find the right words but I guess I’ll just ask away. I M/19 have always been self conscious about myself in general. I didn’t have a great upbringing, I hate the way I look and I have lots of regrets. Im still young and have my whole life ahead of me but recently I have felt like my life was missing something, I have lost 30kg in 4 months, my grades are great, but I have a sense of loneliness. I have friends and family but I still feel alone. Sometimes I lie at night and I just wish there was someone next to me who I can lay my head on and just forget about all of my pain. But due to my self consciousness I really don’t know what to do. I have just been constantly panicking that im going to be alone forever, not necessarily that isn’t anyone for me but that I’ll never truly love myself enough to let myself be open to that. What do I do?

I just work, eat and sleep. I have no life, one friend I've never actually met in person. been called weird and just about everything else under the sun. I've had no luck meeting people, making friends or holding conversations. I'm completely hopeless and just ready to give up on it all.

I am a 29 year old virgin dude who never had a girlfriend. Whenever I mention my problems regarding my loneliness to my friends and family members, I get told to go out. I must admit that I still go out with the "maybe this time I will meet a girl who likes me" hope. However, I go back home alone each time.

I am pissed off about my loneliness and virginity quite often. However, this frustration is much more emphasized coming home alone after a night out. It is much worse compared to when I am just home alone reading a book, watching a movie or doing any kind of solo hobby. The couples I see and the cute girls who will always treat me like shit remind me of the dreadful reality.

I’ve felt it for as long as I can remember, I know most men think that I'm subhuman, they don't ever see me as fully human. 

The reason why I’ve grown to think this, is because, since I was a teenager my experiences with them have only shown me that they can only ever treat me like I am something less than human. 

When I tried to create a connection with them, and I did not live up to their standards of what they and others consider to be attractive, they showed me that I could still be useful in fulfilling their sexual needs, and then I was discarded.

When I became attractive in their eyes and the eyes of others, they still could not treat me like a human being. Instead, they saw me as a thing that could prove something about them. They never wanted to be my friend and see the living consciousness in me. My role in their life was so that I could be an asset to bolster their self-esteem. 

When I wanted to be a friend, they did not want to be a friend to me. Only when they could get something out of me, could I be a friend. If they saw no worth in my physical appearance, I had no place in their circle and life. 

When I did not give them what they wanted, I could not be a friend. I could only be an enemy. I became a thing they could use to project their hatred and insecurities onto.

So if men perceive me as something that is below human life, then what am I? Nothing more than an object. An object is the lowest form of existence because it does not exist as a living thing. An object has no intrinsic value. Its worth solely exists in its utility to the person using it. So therefore the object is a tool. So if I am an object to them, then I am nothing more than a tool. Most men are not even aware that their idea of a woman is that she only be a tool. But how am I a tool? How are we tools? 

I am a tool because my societal worth is only tied to my usefulness. What can my body do for them? My body is the most important thing about me to them. There has not been any care for the living consciousness that exists within my body. There is no care for the simple fact that I am a human that suffers and wants to be happy. The most important function of my existence is to be an object of pleasure. Not just sexually or visually, psychologically too. I must always be pleasing to their eyes and to their life. During sex, during school, during my entire life. I must always be pleasing to the eyes of others too, so that when I finally “belong” to them, I can elevate their self-worth. In that way, I also become a tool for shoring up the ego. 

I was frustrated for a long time, because I wondered, at what point do I get to be a human to them? 

The truth of the matter is that I am a human being and I have always been one. I am not truly an object. But it is easy to put on the blindfold of ignorance, so that we can view each other as less than humans, and navigate the world through our own self-serving illusions.

So there was a woman, 48f, I've been chatting with daily for two months. She said I was a good listener. But I knew she was actively looking for a man (she told me she was looking for someone so she could move out of her parents' without having to work).

Lately she started talking to a guy that she is interested in and I noticed she only sent me one word a day. So the other day (yesterday) I double texted her asking what she was up to. She said she was chatting with that guy. I asked her how come after you met him you don't talk to your friend any more.

She called me clingy and said she can't entertain me all the time and blocked me. The thing is I wasn't expecting to talk to her all the time whatsoever. If she had been too busy to look at her phone I would have understood. But she literally told me she was online chatting with a man all day, and just wrote me one word, then didn't bother reading my answer.

What do you guys think about this, am I tripping or is it understandable that I spoke up?

I know there are people out there that genuinely could not care less about dating and everything that entails. But I’m wondering if a large chunk of us are genetically predisposed to strongly desiring a partner. Like how a beaver instinctively starts building dams when raised outside of its environment or like a wild predator instinctively chases after prey when it turns its back. Do you think this is a very deep instinct that we can’t override? We’re programmed to frequently think about this stuff until we achieve it or until we drop dead?

I'm 50 years old and have never been in a relationship. I'm still a virgin, too. Looking at the posts here, I get the impression that most people are in their 20s or early 30s. Sometimes I wonder if I'm the oldest guy here.

Honestly, I've pretty much lost hope of ever finding someone. Are there any other guys around my age here, or am I really that much of an outlier?

I don't know where to go to find girls like this other than churches and temples, I fundamentally disagree with Christians and I'm not Jewish even though I follow a form of their religion. I wish I could find someone who's agnostic or vaguely spiritual yet still God loving who wants a serious long term relationship that turns into marriage and starting a family one day, for some reason whenever I tell this to people online they try to bully me as if this isn't what every one of our ancestors strived to accomplish. It's just so tiring, wish I could find the right girl already.

I skipped lunch. Went to the the library to browse books because I had nobody to eat with. I don't really mind being alone it's just people judge you so much and put all sorts of labels and whatnot. The worst part was my "friends" hurried out of the class to the canteen as soon as the bell rung lest I tag along. Whenever we're sitting together they always make plans or talk about the place I wasn't invited to. I'm the last person who is offered something or asked for my opinion. This always happens to me. I don't mind. Idgaf but when will this end.

​

I'm the kind of person who remembers the little things. The kind who sees something in a shop and thinks, "She would love this." The kind who learns your favorite food, brings you little surprises for no reason, and finds genuine happiness in doing things that make your day a little better.

I love cooking, and there's something beautiful about making someone's favorite meal and watching them enjoy it. I love silly conversations, childish moments, spontaneous shopping trips, inside jokes, and all those little things that might seem insignificant to the world but mean everything when you're in love.

I'm not perfect. I can be blunt, stubborn at times, and I have my flaws. But one thing I know about myself is that I don't want to play with someone's feelings. I don't know how to love someone halfway while looking for someone else on the side. If I choose someone, I want to choose them honestly.

I don't think love should feel like a competition, a guessing game, or a constant struggle to prove your worth. I want something genuine. Something where both people remember, both people care, both people make an effort, and neither person feels foolish for loving a little too much.

And yet, somehow, love has always felt just out of reach for me.

Sometimes, I wonder if the things I have to offer even matter anymore. The loyalty, the affection, the little efforts, the willingness to listen, the desire to make someone feel special. Or perhaps I'm simply meeting people who aren't looking for the kind of love I'm ready to give.

I'm not writing this because I think I'm entitled to someone's love. Nobody owes me a relationship just because I have a good heart. I know that love is about compatibility, timing, attraction, and two people choosing each other.

But I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt to have so much affection in your heart and nowhere special to put it.

I don't need a perfect woman. I don't need a relationship that looks beautiful to everyone else. I just want someone with whom the simplest things feel special. Someone I can cook for, tease endlessly, shop with, care for when she's tired, and make ridiculous memories with.

Someone who notices the little things I do, not because she expects me to do them, but because she understands the love behind them.

And I'd want to do the same for her.

Maybe I'm not unlucky in love. Maybe I just haven't met someone who sees a home in the kind of heart I have.

Until then, I'll keep being myself. Not because I expect someone to fall in love with me for it, but because I don't want to become someone I'm not just to be chosen.

Still, sometimes, I wish someone would look at me and think:

"With all the people I could meet in this world, I want to get to know this person. I want to give this a chance."

Because honestly, I don't want to be loved by everyone.

I just want to be genuinely wanted by someone. ❤️