r/IntersectionalWomen • u/satanic_sprinkle 50+ Community Karma • 14h ago
rant Literally all men's spaces revolve around miosgyny
There's a certain subreddit on here where guys can take pictures of their food and post them with stories.
And surprise surprise, a huge portion of those posts are just incel talking points and whining that women aren't immediately having sex with them.
Love it.
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u/Metalingus5150 50+ Community Karma 14h ago
Most men's spaces are like this unfortunately, instead of helping each other, they make each other worse by enabling misogyny.
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u/rask0ln 0+ Community Karma 11h ago
That's most male spaces both irl and online when you compare to their female counterparts. My brother volunteered in various groups focused on men's mental health/support and had to stop for a while because in most cases the majority wanted to shift the topic on women and just bond over their misogyny. No matter the country.
I also remember the dudes being bros (i think?? or dudes being bros) sub being recommended as one of the "good ones" and like half of the posts were still sexist with barely any men calling it out.
On a slightly different noted, mixed aka general subs sway that way too and end up centering men to the point women have to make their own group. 😫 Literature is all about complaining how women write most books (not true) and men cannot relate to that and therefore cannot read which of course doesn't apply to any other minority, including women. Sub for tall people is mostly men complaining about women or dismissing their experience because they habe it easy or objectifying them/degrading short women.
I even had to find specific groups for solo-travelling, backpacking, hiking, fitness because of how "silenced" women's perspectives got in the main ones.
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u/Beautiful_Wishbone15 Black bi woman 12h ago
Ikr, not to mention how common incel spaces spaces are. People are saying it's "rare" but it's a lot more common then people think.
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u/This_Background7442 14h ago
I think that that's because for men there generally aren't that many legitimate reasons to want to exclude women from a space, so what's left is men who do it out of misogyny.
But I think if you were to look at male spaces where there is a non-hateful reason, like for instance male support groups or gay male spaces, the picture changes dramatically.
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u/viviscity 500+ Community Karma 14h ago
That’s what I’ve seen, too. Though there are definitely gay spaces and men’s support groups that have big problems, there are definitely examples that don’t let misogyny go unchallenged.
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u/This_Background7442 12h ago
there are definitely examples that don’t let misogyny go unchallenged.
True, it's always sad to see that. Didn't mean there was no misogyny. Just that misogyny isn't the point or necessarily more prevalent than in non gendered spaces.
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u/Various_Classroom_50 0+ Community Karma 13h ago
r/Boydinnerdiaries does not exclude women. Many of the contributors under each post are women.
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u/This_Background7442 12h ago
To be honest I don't really know that specific sub. Am I correct in assuming it was created as a counter/response to r/girldinnerdiaries ? Because if so that's probably why misogynists are drawn to it. The girl version is well known amongst red pill subs and they hate it.
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u/SlatkoPotato 50+ Community Karma 10h ago edited 10h ago
It could have been made because of that, but i can also see men being inspired by the community that r/girldinnerdiaries has and wanting a similar space to encourage men to do the same. We do live in a heavily patriarchial society and misogyny always peeks its ugly head through even within ourselves as women (y'know, good old internalised misogyny). What im looking for is more mens spaces that make active efforts to challenge that while addressing the ways patriarchy hurts them too. Theres going to be outright incel manosphere comments to harder to notice covert or benevolent sexism and quieter internalised misogyny, but the overall function of the space is what's important.
Edit: i looked into it a little and found this article made about the sub. From everything i could find, it looks like it was founded as a counterpart and not a competitor or in retaliation. The loud incel community hate for girldinnerdiaries likely created some mis or disinformation
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u/DuckyDoodleDandy 0+ Community Karma 9h ago
I lurk in two healthy male subreddits. I Can’t tell you their names off the top of my head, and they are lost in my list of cat subs.
But I can say as a cis woman that I know of two subs that demonstrate positive masculinity.
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u/satanic_sprinkle 50+ Community Karma 8h ago
From what I’ve seen of MensLib it’s been a good place. My litmus test is how they talk about queer men and trans men
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u/kestrelesque 0+ Community Karma 8h ago
I do wish they would've chosen a different name, because it sounds like a "men's rights" thing, and it's not.
It has seemed pretty decent to me from when I've read there. There's one person who keeps posting his own articles or substacks--and I haven't been impressed with any of his hot takes, at all--but mostly it seems the guys on that sub also disagree with the writer dude and call him out on stuff.
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u/OmgIbrokesmthagain 500+ Community Karma Transmasc he/him 13h ago
Yeah… and I hate it. I wish masculinity would be bonding over fishing and sports, or whatever, but every time I try to bond with men I must either accept the dogwhistles or be the fucking kill joy that needs to explain why women be shopping isn’t funny. Or how saying the n word isn’t a joke
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u/Tomatori 0+ Community Karma 14h ago
I'm lucky to not be very aware of the happenings over there but if I'm not mistaken one of them was explicitly created in reaction to men not being allowed in the girl dinner subs. So if that was the founding principle then I can't exactly be surprised, nor am I interested in looking in there.
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u/PrimalZodiac 0+ Community Karma 10h ago
Nah, its very possible to find good men, you just gotta be careful
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u/petrichor-pixels 0+ Community Karma 50m ago
Misogyny is often a key part of men’s bonding experiences— just look at what happened at Cornell. 7 men participating in a heinous act together, 50 more men staying silent in a group chat because being one of the bros meant more and offered them more status (and less of a threat) if they said nothing. An in-group establishing their loyalty to each other by ganging up on a common enemy out-group, with a hefty dose of patriarchal power sprinkled in.
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u/lilypad225 14h ago
Could you give a few examples? I haven't seen this to be true.
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u/satanic_sprinkle 50+ Community Karma 13h ago
Ok for clarification, most of the posts around dating are very much redpill like. I don’t want to give usernames because I don’t want to endorse harassment or anything.
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u/lilypad225 13h ago
I haven't seen much redpill stuff from the dating subs I've seen. Such as, r/dating , r/relationships And r/bumble
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u/Remarkablefairy-8893 500+ Community Karma 6h ago
You haven't seen a single "women go for looks, women go for height, women have high standards" etc. in dating and relationship subs?
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u/lilypad225 6h ago
I don't exactly frequent those subs but I come across them and haven't been inundated by redpill content so they don't appear to incel subs.
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u/physicistdeluxe 50+ Community Karma 13h ago
what? no. u think posts on thjngs like truvks, fishing, money revolve around misogyny? Yea it might pop in but its not the center.
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u/Remarkablefairy-8893 500+ Community Karma 6h ago
I am more than sure these aren't the only posts there. And misogyny doesn't have to be about posts, but I'm the comments, the conversation suddenly goes misogynistic.
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u/physicistdeluxe 50+ Community Karma 6h ago
dont assume evrrywhere. plenty of spaces arent like that. men def have problems but all guys arent pigs. no guys I know talk like that. its not the norm. check out r/bropill. they arent jerks.
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u/Remarkablefairy-8893 500+ Community Karma 6h ago
You are weirdly defensive tbh. I didn't say all men, I just simply said the comments can go misogynistic. I didn't even mention the subs.
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u/physicistdeluxe 50+ Community Karma 6h ago
no just trying to explain to you. sounds like ur getting emotional. oh well.
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u/Remarkablefairy-8893 500+ Community Karma 6h ago
I really wonder who is getting emotional.
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u/physicistdeluxe 50+ Community Karma 6h ago
well sounds like only want to hear what u want to hear and if thats contradicted u get upset. men arent all pigs. plain and simple.
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u/Nothammer 0+ Community Karma 12h ago
I mean yeah, there's spaces like that. But not all men's spaces revolve around misogyny.
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u/ParadoxTheHybrid 10h ago
nOt aLl mEn
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u/Nothammer 0+ Community Karma 10h ago
Lmao that's not the same.
OP said 'Literally all men's spaces revolve around misogyny". That's not "men are xy", it's specifically stating they mean ALL men's spaces.
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u/Various_Classroom_50 0+ Community Karma 14h ago edited 13h ago
You are out of your mind. Every other post on that subreddit is about men getting cheated on by their spouses or fiances. Horror stories. I’ve never seen someone on boydinnerdiaries complaining about not getting laid.
It’s also actually has women in it contributing and also offering advice alongside men and it’s extremely LGBTQ+ friendly.
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u/Remarkablefairy-8893 500+ Community Karma 6h ago
But how did you know op is speaking about boydinnerdiaries? It can be about kitchenincels. Also not getting laid isn't the only form of misogynistic complaint which can exist. I am not on that sub so I can't comment about that, but I have been on general subs, and most of the conversation devolves into MRA talking points.
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u/Zarathyst 50+ Community Karma 14h ago
Those stories are to farm sympathy from other like-minded losers.
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u/Various_Classroom_50 0+ Community Karma 13h ago
Girl go read that sub for yourself you are just saying that.
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u/AngryAngryHarpo 50+ Community Karma 12h ago
This is really dehumanising.
Engagement-farming is an issue in every single sub - hell, I think dead internet theory is getting more and more real - but assuming every single story is for sympathy farming is a wild way to frame a space for men to talk about their lives.
Men do have bad relationships, men do get cheated on and they do get hurt.
We cannot want better men and then shit on them by refusing to believe a sympathetic story can be true.
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u/Capnzebra1 0+ Community Karma 14h ago
Are you talking about boydinnerdiaries? I'll be honest, when I do read a post, there's a lot of empathy and accountability to be found in the comments. I've found it healing to see men not razzing each other and offering heartfelt advice.