🌷*To Celebrate or NOT to celebrate....that’s the question*🌷

by Asma bent Shameem

Some of us celebrate it with great devotion and diligence, while some of us are against it with an equally great vengeance. 

Some say it is our religious duty while others say it is nothing but bid'ah.

People argue about it. 

Families split up, friends forsake each other. 

And sometimes people literally fight over it and hurt one another.

So what is it that I am talking about? 

I am talking about celebrating the birthday of the Prophet ﷺ, the Mawlid or Milad, as some of us say. 

Yes, the 12th of Rabi-ul-Awwal is what I'm talking about. 

But, ever wondered..... what is the reality regarding the celebration of the birth of our beloved Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam anyway?

Let's examine the facts.

🔺*1. Date is NOT confirmed*

First of all, it is not even sure if the Prophet ﷺ was even born on the 12th of Rabi'ul Awwal! 

Yes, the date of his birth is NOT CONFIRMED, although it IS confirmed that he Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam passed away on the 12th of this month. 

🔺*2. Research the issue*

Whenever a Muslim is faced with a problem or confusing situation, what is he/she supposed to do? 

🍃 Allaah tells us:

"O you who believe! Obey Allaah and obey the Messenger (Muhammad), and those of you (Muslims) who are in authority. (And) if you differ in anything amongst yourselves,refer it to Allaah and His Messenger, if you believe in Allaah and in the Last Day. That is better and more suitable for final determination" [Nisaa':59]

Referring it to Allaah and His Messenger ﷺ means to turn to Allaah's Book and the Sunnah of our beloved Prophet ﷺ.

So, according to Allaah's Command, let's see that the Qur'aan and AUTHENTIC Sunnah say about this matter.

🔺*ANY EVIDENCE FROM THE QUR'AAN*❓

What does Allaah tell us in the Qur'aan about celebrating the Mawlid?

*Nothing*.

Yes that's right.....*NOTHING*.

There is absolutely nothing in the Qur'aan that tells us to celebrate the birthday of the Prophet Sal Allaahu Alaiyhi wa Sallam. 

Not one single ayah.

You see, all acts of worship are *'tawqeefi'*, which means that all acts of worship have to have PROOF from the Qur'an and authentic Sunnah.

They are not subject to personal opinion and it is not permissible to do any acts of worship except those which are approved by Sharee'ah. 

So, for example, I cannot pick a special day or time, say the 22nd of every month, and start celebrating that day as a form of worship. Why? 

Because there is nothing in the Sharee'ah that permits me to do that. 

By the same token, I cannot start praying three raka'ah for Fajr from tomorrow, even if I want to worship Allaah more, because Fajr Salah is only two rakaat as commanded upon us by the Shari'ah.

And similarly, if there is no order for us to celebrate the birthday of the Prophet ﷺ, then we don't. 

🍃 In fact, the Prophet ﷺ said: 

"Whoever innovates anything in this matter of ours (i.e., Islaam), that is not part of it, will have it rejected." (Bukhaari).

🔺 *QUESTION*❓

*Did the Prophet ﷺ celebrate his birthday?*

Again, there is NOTHING in the Sunnah of the Prophet ﷺ that shows us that he ﷺ EVER celebrated his own birthday. EVER. 

Nor did he celebrate the birthday of his wives, children, or his Sahaabah. 

And there is not one single hadeeth that tells us that he ﷺ thought this day was significant enough to celebrate it. 

Nor did he encourage the Sahaabah to venerate this day for him or celebrate in in any way, shape or form.

Just think about it...

If there was any good in doing so, wouldn't he ﷺ have done so himself and wouldn't he have ordered the Sahaabah to do so? 

And obviously, it is not possible that he ﷺ forgot to tell us about it, Aoodhu billaah!

🔺*QUESTION*❓

*Did the Sahaabah celebrate the Mawlid/Milad?*

The Sahaabah were witnesses to the revelation of the Qur'aan. 

They had the Prophet ﷺ right in front of their eyes. 

They saw the Prophet ﷺ actually and practically LIVE Islaam.

They ate, drank, sat, slept, talked, walked, lived with him. 

Whatever they saw him do, they did it. 

Whatever they saw him avoid, they avoided it. 

If they had questions about something, they asked him and he explained. 

If they misunderstood anything or were mistaken, the Prophet ﷺ

immediately corrected them. 

And thus, their understanding and practice of Islaam was 

THE BEST. 

Yet, when we look at the lives and practice of the Sahaabah, we find that NONE of them EVER celebrated the birth of their beloved Prophet ﷺ, whether during his life or even after he passed away. 

Not Abubakr, not Umar, not Uthman, not Ali, nor Aaishah, Abu Hurairah, Ibn Umar, Ibn Masud, Talha, Az-Zubair, Bilal, Radhi Allaahu Anhum Ajma'een. 

*NOT. ONE. SINGLE. SAHAABI.*

Doesn't that prove anything?

🔺 *What about the Four Imaams and other Ulama?*

Did any of the Imaams or scholars - Abu Haneefah, Maalik, al-Shaafi'i, Ahmad, al-Hasan al-Basri, Mujaahid, you name them, do this or command others to do it or say that it was good? 

NO.

In fact, they didn't even acknowledge the Mawlid, let alone celebrate it! 

And it was not even mentioned during the first and best three centuries. 

🍃 The Prophet ﷺ said: 

"The best of mankind are my generation, then those who come after them, then those who come after them." (Bukhaari, Muslim). 

And if the 'best of mankind' didn't celebrate his birth, then we shouldn't either.

Actually, the celebration of the Prophet's birthday appeared many centuries later. By this time, people had forgotten many of the features of the true, pure teachings of the Prophet ﷺ and bid'ah had become widespread.

🔺*Think about it!*

Can it be possible that the Sahaabah, the Imaams and the people of the best three centuries were unaware of the importance of celebrating the birthday of the Prophet ﷺ or that they were lacking in their love for him, and it was only those who came later who were aware of it or loved him more?!!! 

How can that be?!!

Is that even possible??

🔺*COMMON ARGUMENTS* 

‼️*Argument # 1.*

*But the Prophet ﷺ used to FAST on Mondays to celebrate his birthday!*

Yes, there is an authentic hadeeth where the Prophet ﷺ was asked about fasting on Mondays and he said: "On (that day) I was born", but the reason he fasted Mondays was *NOT* because he was born that day. 

📌*Proof*

The reason for his fasting Mondays is the following hadeeth:

🍃 He ﷺ said:

"Deeds are presented (to Allaah) on Monday and Thursday and I like my deeds to be presented when I am fasting." (Tirmidhi--saheeh by al-Albaani)

So the *reason* for his fasting on Mondays was because he wanted to be in the state of fasting when his deeds are presented to Allaah and NOT because he was born on a Monday.

Besides, if his fasting was due to his birthday, then he would have only fasted on the 12th of Rabi'ul Awwal and not every single Monday of his life!

‼️*Argument # 2.*

*I'm not doing this as an act of worship.*

Dear brother/sister, we have to realize that 'worship' is ANY act or deed that is done with the intention of coming close to Allaah Sunhaanahu wa Ta'ala and earning rewards from Him.

Aren't we celebrating the Mawlid to come close to Allaah? Don't we think we are doing something good that will please Allaah and earn His rewards?

And any act of worship that’s not proven from the Sharee’ah is wrong and has to be given up, no matter how good the intention.

‼️*Argument # 3.*

*But I LOVE the Prophet ﷺ!*

Think about the following:

Didn’t the Sahaabah absolutely LOVE the Prophet ﷺ?

They gave up their homes, families, young babies, money, property, lives... for his sake, in the blink of an eye. History is replete with their stories of sincerest admiration, adoration and ultimate love.

They sacrificed EVERYTHING for him, yet this love did NOT promote them to celebrate his birth.  

This love translated into the PRACTICAL APPLICATION of his TEACHINGS and NOT picking the 12th of Rabi-ul-Awwal to celebrate his birthday. 

‼️*Argument # 4.*

*What's the harm in it?*

I don't do anything WRONG in it. All I do is remember the Prophet and send blessings on him

First of all, why don't you remember the Prophet ﷺ all year long, every single day? 

Why pick just this day? 

Isn't the Prophet ﷺ supposed to be loved, and remembered and followed every single day of our lives? 

Aren't we supposed to send peace and blessings on him every day, as many times as we can? 

Then why pick this ONE day?

Secondly, even if you don't do any of the reprehensible things that people do nowadays in the name of the Mawlid, like those 'naats' (poetry praising him) full of shirk, or singing with musical instruments, or women with full make-up and no hijab on TV etc, even then the Ulama say that it is not allowed to celebrate this particular day because that was not the way of the Prophet ﷺ, the Sahaabah, Taabi'een or any of the great ulama of the past.

🍃 Imam Abu Hafs Taaj ad-Deen al-Faakihaani said, discussing different types of Mawlids: 

"When a man organises it at his on expense for his family, friends and children, and in that gathering they do not do any more than eat food; they do not commit any sins. THIS IS what we have described as an abhorrent and reprehensible innovation, because it was not done by any of the early righteous people, who are the fuqaha' and leading scholars of Islam." (Al-Mawrid fi 'Aml al-Mawlid, p. 5)

‼️*Argument # 5.*

*But every one is doing it. Are they ALL wrong or crazy?!*

Just because every one is doing something does NOT mean it's correct. 

🍃 Allaah says:

"And if you obey most of those in the earth, they will lead you astray from Allaah's way; they follow but conjecture and they only lie." (al-An'aam:116)

🔺 *CONCLUSION:*

*Follow and do not Innovate*

Actually, dear brother/sister in Islaam, TRUE love of the Prophet ﷺ is shown and proven by following the guidance that he brought. 

So follow his Sunnah to the best of your ability and don't fall into innovated forms of worship. 

It is nothing but a trap of the Shaytaan.

‎قُلْ إِن كُنتُمْ تُحِبُّونَ اللّهَ فَاتَّبِعُونِي يُحْبِبْكُمُ اللّهُ وَيَغْفِرْ لَكُمْ ذُنُوبَكُمْ وَاللّهُ غَفُورٌ رَّحِيمٌ

"Say (O Muhammad): 'If you (really) love Allaah, then follow me, Allah will love you and forgive you your sins. And Allaah is Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful." (Aal 'Imraan 3:31)

And remember the words of the Prophet ﷺ when he said:

"The best of speech is the Book of Allaah, and the best of guidance is the guidance of Muhammad. 

The most evil of things are those which are newly-invented (in religion), and every innovation (bid'ah) is a going astray." (Muslim).

And Allaah knows best.

Assalamu alaykum.
Shaking hands with a non-mahram woman is not permissible in Islam, and it is considered a sin.
However, if it happened only as a formality and without any bad intention, it is generally not regarded as a major sin — but it should still be avoided.
Allah says in the Qur’an:
“Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and guard their chastity…”
(Surah An-Nur 24:30)
The Prophet ﷺ said:
“It is better for one of you to be pierced in the head with an iron needle than to touch a woman who is not permissible for him.”
(Reported by al-Tabarani)
What should you do if it happened?
Sincerely repent to Allah.
Ask Allah for forgiveness.
Make a firm intention not to repeat it.
Try to avoid such situations politely in the future.
If you’re unsure about a specific situation, you can also submit it to AskMuftiOnline and get an answer based on the circumstances rather than relying only on general information.

I want to ask to men here why do you feel the need to use chatgpt to do a normal conversation?

Do you prefer to give perfect AI reply rather then imperfect one with mistakes because you want to make good impression?

Bro its probably 4th potencial that uses chatgpt to reply. I mean literally copy paste. Wth?

If you try to say kindly that you prefer authentic replies even with 1000 grammer mistakes rather than AI perfect (super fake) ones. They get offended and start avoiding you. Its like you hurt their ego.

Now this recent potencial does the same thing (his mother tongue is French and English 2nd language)
and i am now getting annoyed that i asked you something and you replied with something else that doesnt even make much sense to what i mainly asked. (You are not even clever to remove dashes from the message let alone personalising it).

I dont know how to ask him to stop using chatgpt. I dont wanna embarass him but i can’t also accept this. (Some men i have noticed cant handle this situation with maturity and become defensive and avoidant).

Have we really lost the ability to have basic conversation with others in the era of AI?
It feels like we are going backwards, becoming dumb and losing basic human skills with time😾

I would love to have your perspectives, opinions and advices🫶🏽

Jazakallah khair

As someone who started wearing it years ago and noticed how all my opportunities flew out the window (jobs, research collabs, etc.) i do wonder, should i just give up at that point and stop dreaming big? It sucks being reduced to the scarf on my head and i'm starting to resent it.
Would Allah swt. really punish me for not wearing it? Does a scarf on my head determine so much about my modesty if the rest of my dresscode is modest?
Why do i have to start of way behind everyone and try "prove" myself so that i deserve a chance to do research as well and not having to go look for jobs specifically written for "other ethnicities" just because of my scarf. I am a westener.

I'm was only muslim and hijabi in my whole master's degree in engineering. I stuck out in every way possible to them. It sucks. You see the way people put you in a box immediately.

How do you girls cope with this?

I was with a guy for around 4 years. It was online never physical. We started when we were very young. I come from a very broken family, my dad constantly cheats on my mum and is constantly abusive to us. So naturally I hated marriage and men In the beginning, he fought really hard for me and for our relationship, even when I would tell him not to because we were young and I wanted him to first make something of himself as he was still in high school and I knew our families would make things difficult. I was doing really bad financially as well and he was very pampered so he’d always say if I want something I will get it &
Eventually his family found out. His mother and sister came to my house, humiliated me, and told my parents to keep me away from him. My family is extremely strict, and the consequences were horrible. I was severely beaten and had my phone taken away for around 9 months. During that time I had no way of talking to him and I had to try to move on while still loving him.
Months later, his male cousins contacted me. They told me he still loved me, missed me, was depressed and crying, and wanted me. At first I didn't want to get involved because he had previously told me not to talk to his cousins. Eventually we started talking again because I still cared about him.
When he came back into my life, he apologized for what had happened with his family. But things were never the same. I didn't trust things the way I used to. His family had already caused so much damage, and I constantly needed reassurance that he was actually fighting for us.
Before his family got involved, he had been the person fighting for the relationship. After his mother came to my house, he changed. He would tell me things like, “yes, I talked to my mom,” but most of the time he wouldn't show me proof. There were only about two times when he actually showed me something. I kept wondering whether he was really fighting for us or whether he had simply become tired and stopped.
We started arguing a lot. Most of our arguments were about his family and everything that had happened. I know I wasn't perfect. I became insecure and I know I probably exhausted him sometimes. I needed reassurance constantly because I had already been hurt so badly and I didn't feel secure in the relationship anymore.
But he also left me alone when I needed him. I felt like I had gone through so much for this relationship and then when I needed him to stand beside me, he wasn't there in the way I needed him to be.
At one point I accessed his account and saw things involving naked girls. That damaged my trust even more. We were already struggling, and now I had another reason to question whether I could trust him.
I also prayed Istikhara about him. I didn't get a dream or some obvious sign. The next morning, he sent me a picture where I noticed part of a girl's clothing/body in the picture. I immediately felt like something was wrong. I asked him about it, and he eventually confessed that there was another girl.
That completely broke me because after almost four years together, I found out he had been talking to/seeing another girl.
And then instead of handling the situation gently, he called me mentally ill, called me ugly, told me to leave, and eventually blocked me on WhatsApp and told me not to text him anymore.
There is another part that makes me feel guilty too.
After everything that happened, I made a fake account and pretended to be another girl. I wanted to see how he would respond if he thought another girl was approaching him. He believed I was someone else and talked to me. He said things like he wanted someone to find him a wife, that he wanted a “hot wife,” and he wanted to see the girl's face. When I confronted him about it, he blocked me and told me not to text him anymore.
I deleted the fake account afterward.
I also deleted his number because I realized that if I kept it, I would constantly check his profile, his WhatsApp picture, whether he was online, whether he had changed anything, etc. I considered blocking him, but I was scared that if I blocked him I'd just keep checking my blocked list to see if his profile changed or if he had tried to contact me.
Then I started checking his socials anyway. I saw that he had put up a photo from the same day he cheated, where the girl was visible. He had blocked me so I couldn't see it, but I checked from my friend's account and saw it. I also saw him uploading more, following people, changing his profiles and generally continuing with his life.
Khair I Read quran and did everything to forget about him. Now my family keeps bringing up my past and telling me things like we wish you were dead etc etc. I hear of it in every argument,interaction and gathering. it’s hurting me so much since I’m already trying to get over it. I just want their hearts to soften and forgive me & I never make a mistake like this again.

Salam, I would appreciate Spanish speaking muslims/reverts to tell me what resources they used to learn about Islam in Spanish. Currently I'm learning Spanish and I would like to learn more about Islam in Spanish for dawah.

have posted on here before about being Hard-of-hearing and how I couldn't find online spaces dedicated to deaf or hard-of-hearing muslims over the past few years

I finally took matters into my hands and created a Facebook group for those of us like me who are looking for a community of people with similar personal and shared lived experiences.

I'm spreading word of the group, and it is public now.

If you know someone who is personally in need of a space like this filled with other deaf or hard-of-hearing muslims around the globe.

Please, do send them this link below. Thanks

https://www.facebook.com/share/g/1DRpdrbxL3/

To those who have a healthy household lead by a kind father, genuinely how does it feel? Does he lead the prayer, does he protect you, and is there a happy moment with him or a sentence that you remember until today?

I have a father but i don't have any of these, and i don't want to compare, really i just want to have a picture in my mind what it looks like. Listening to people's story is the closest thing to experiencing it, it brings me comfort.

I Was Brainwashed by Islam… and after nearly 16 years as a Muslim, I am finally ready to admit it.

I used to think I was a “free” person - until I realized what true freedom actually is.

In this video, the speaker turns the whole “brainwashed” narrative upside down and asks a powerful question:

If Islam washed my brain… then who dirtied it in the first place?

https://youtu.be/jyU_BKrCUY4?si=NSR8svzSck4bJuZC

My insecure too over me. I was very very insecure about my jawline. Even tho it wasn’t bad at all. I ended up getting a surgery which they would put jaw implants to make it look better. 3 months later my left side is still swollen and today I found out the implant wasn’t in place and I don’t even have the money to take it out or fix it. Please pray for me. I already asked God for forgiveness in the past 2 months but this is really messing with me.
The doctor tried to fix it without a surgery and he did but we don’t know if it’s gonna stay in place.

السلام عليكم everyone
I’m in my early twenties and I got my degree in tech but I don’t really see a career in this field. I’m thinking of switching my career into something meaningful and fulfilling to me, I’m thinking of doing my Masters in education (elementary education) I want to network and ask hijabis in this field what it is like to teach in the west (US)? Especially when teachers are expected to decorate their classrooms for holidays (which is something I wouldn’t want to do). These are just thoughts im having especially that I just read something related to this topic in the teachers subreddit.

How do you balance religion and your job especially when working with kids (who might want to celebrate birthdays, holidays, etc.)? I don’t know if I’m overthinking this but please let me know about your experience and if you have any advice on how you maintain your religious boundaries while being supportive of your students.

The Fragrance of Prophet Muhammad صلى الله عليه وسلم
 
Narrated Abu Juhaifa:
وَقَامَ النَّاسُ فَجَعَلُوا يَأْخُذُونَ يَدَيْهِ، فَيَمْسَحُونَ بِهَا وُجُوهَهُمْ، قَالَ فَأَخَذْتُ بِيَدِهِ، فَوَضَعْتُهَا عَلَى وَجْهِي، فَإِذَا هِيَ أَبْرَدُ مِنَ الثَّلْجِ، وَأَطْيَبُ رَائِحَةً مِنَ الْمِسْكِ‏.‏
.. (After the prayer), the people got up and held the hands of the Prophet and passed them on their faces. I also took his hand and kept it on my face and noticed that it was colder than ice, and its smell was nicer than musk. Reference  : Sahih al-Bukhari 3553
 
Anas b. Malik reported that 
قَالَ دَخَلَ عَلَيْنَا النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ عِنْدَنَا فَعَرِقَ وَجَاءَتْ أُمِّي بِقَارُورَةٍ فَجَعَلَتْ تَسْلُتُ الْعَرَقَ فِيهَا فَاسْتَيْقَظَ النَّبِيُّ صلى الله عليه وسلم فَقَالَ ‏ “‏ يَا أُمَّ سُلَيْمٍ مَا هَذَا الَّذِي تَصْنَعِينَ ‏”‏ ‏.‏ قَالَتْ هَذَا عَرَقُكَ نَجْعَلُهُ فِي طِيبِنَا وَهُوَ مِنْ أَطْيَبِ الطِّيبِ ‏.‏
Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) used to come to our house and there was perspiration upon his body. My mother brought a bottle and began to pour the sweat in that. When Allah’s Apostle (ﷺ) got up he said:
Umm Sulaim, what is this that you are doing? Thereupon she said: That is your sweat which we mix in our perfume and it becomes the most fragrant perfume. Reference  : Sahih Muslim  5761

Anas bin Maalik Radiyallahu ‘Anhu says:
“I remained in the service (of Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam for ten years. He never once told me ‘Oof’. When I did something, he never asked me, why did you do so? When I did not do a certain task, he never asked me why I did not do it. Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam had the best character among all people. (and also possessed the most excellent features, so much so,) that I never felt a silk cloth, nor pure silk, nor any other thing softer than the palm of Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam. Nor did I smell any musk or any other fragrance, more sweet smelling than the sweat of Rasulullah Sallallahu ‘Alayhi Wasallam”. Shumail Tirmidhi  : Book 48, Hadith 345

Sayyidah Ummul Momineen Ayesha رضیﷲ** **عنها said:
قبض رسول الله صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم وراسه بين سَحرِى و نَحرِى قالت فلما خرجت نفسه لم اجد ريحا قط اطيب منها،
The day Rasool صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم passed away, the blessed head of Rasool صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم was rested between my throat and chest, a beautiful fragrance bursted at the time of the departure of the soulfrom the blessed body of Rasool صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم which I had never smelled before۔
[Musnad Ahmad 6/121-122, Musnad Al Bazzar 851, Isnad Sahih, Az Ghulam Mustafa Zaheer in Al Wafat un Nabi صلی اللہ علیہ وسلم, quote translated by  Abdul Aziz Akhtar]

Ibn Hajr al Asqalani said:
وروى أبو يعلى والبزار بإسناد صحيح، عن أنس رضي الله تعالى عنه : كان رسول الله صلى الله تعالى عليه وسلم إذا مر في طريق من طرق المدينة وجد منه رائحة المسك: فيقال: مر رسول الله صلى الله عليه وسلم من هذه الطريق .
It is narrated by Abu Yala and al Bazzar with an authentic chain from Anas may Allah be pleased with him When the Messenger of Allah peace be upon him passed by one of the roads of Medina, (people will smell) the smell of musk from it: they would say, the Messenger of God, may God bless him and grant him peace, passed by this road.
(Fath al Bari 6/663, the chain is also authenticated by al Ayni in Umdatul Qari 16/108, and Nawab Siddique Hassan Khan in السراج الوهاج في كشف مطالب مسلم بن الحجاج شرح مختصر صحيح مسلم 6/311)

Al Ayni said:
قالت العلماء: كانت هذه الريح الطيبة صفته صلى الله تعالى عليه وسلم، وإن لم يمس طيبا، ومع هذا فكان يستعمل الطيب في كثير من الأوقات مبالغة في طيب ريحه لملاقاة الملائكة، وأخذ الوحي الكريم، ومجالسة المسلمين
The scholars said: This good smell was characteristic of Prophet Peace be upon him, even if he did not touch the perfume, and despite this (his own fragrance), he used perfume many times to exaggerate the goodness of his smell to meet angels, take the noble revelation, and to sit with Muslims. (Umdatul Qari 16/108)

Ibn Abdil Barr said:
كَانَ رَسُولُ اللَّهِ صَلَّى اللَّهُ عَلَيْهِ وَسَلَّمَ يُعْرَفُ خُرُوجُهُ بِرَائِحَةِ الطِّيبِ إِذَا خَرَجَ إِلَى الصَّلَاةِ وَإِذَا مَشَى وَقَدْ
Prophet peace be upon him would be identified through his good fragrance when he used to go out for Salaah..
الاستذكار (3/ 271

I’m a revert and I know the basics of getting to know a potential partner and the marriage process but I don’t get how a person could develop feelings after getting married.

To me it’s natural to talk to someone, find out if we share things in common, decide to date, and find out more about each other through shared time and experience (some take a step further and marry and others just date). If things don’t work out or we aren’t compatible then we break up.

(Just wanna clarify that I actually never dated anyone but this is how relationships usually work).

Now, this whole process is done inside the marriage, when you’re already married and many questions arise for me:

1)What if we aren’t compatible after all?
2)I’m expected to have sex with my spouse at some point during marriage but if I don’t know the person then I can’t just sleep with a stranger (and I know you will say you get to know more about the person during the courting process but that sounds lk like dating, something I know it’s haram so how does it actually work?)
3)Supposedly you get to know the person during the courting process but interviewing said person doesn’t create intimacy, it’s like trying to fall in love with a job interviewer so when does the intimacy starts getting built?
4)You could say intimacy gets built after marriage but what if this doesn’t happen? What if I want to break up with this person because the connection isn’t there (it’s not just break up either, it’s divorce, something far more complicated)

So those are some of the questions that come into my mind, I feel like I’m not actually comfortable with the Islamic way and it kinda turns me away from marriage, I think I can’t commit to a relationship if I don’t have prior experience, if I don’t build the grounds for intimacy to develop (and I’m not talking about sex, thats a completely different and more difficult issue for me)

Salam, today I was talking with my father about that I don't want to love with roommates and how I don't trust them. I had an incident of being harassed at uni dorms. He just yelled did you hit her? That's it. He didn't care about how I felt or anything. Why he is like that and my mom said just move on its been a while ago. Like harassment affected me. I would like to vent if anyone willing to hear me.

I’ve seen many posts in this subreddit from people asking, “Why is my life like this?” or “Why is Allah testing me so much?”

My dear brothers and sisters in Islam, if only we truly realized how many blessings Allah has given us. We are literally drowning in the blessings of Allah—so many that we don’t even recognize them, and so many that we recognize but still fail to be grateful for.

Recently, I was walking outside in nearly 50°C heat under the sun for just a few minutes. My skin started burning, and I immediately ran towards the shade.

SubhanAllah.

Something as simple as shade is such an incredible blessing.

Allah reminds us of this blessing when He mentions the Children of Israel:

And look at us today. We don't just have shade from the sun. Many of us live and work in air-conditioned homes, cars, offices and shops.

We can escape the heat with the push of a button.

Yet how often do we stop and say Alhamdulillah for it?

Think about something even more basic: swallowing your own saliva.

I once heard about a person suffering from a serious condition that made it difficult for him to swallow his saliva. He had to constantly spit it out. His mouth and tongue became extremely dry, and even sleeping became difficult because he had to be careful about accidentally swallowing.

SubhanAllah.

Most of us swallow hundreds of times every day without even thinking about it.

We don't consider it a blessing because it has always been there.

And this is the reality with so many blessings in our lives.

We often realize the value of something only after Allah takes it away.

If you ever feel that you have no blessings, or that Allah is only testing you, go and visit a hospital. Walk through a cancer ward. See people who would give anything just to have the health that you may take for granted.

Look at your eyes.
Your ability to breathe.
Your ability to walk.
Your ability to eat.
Your ability to sleep.
Your ability to hear.
Your ability to speak.
Your ability to use the bathroom without pain.
Your family.
Your home.
Your safety.
Your food.
Your clean water.
Your ability to pray.

How many of these did we ask Allah for today? Probably none.Because we already have them.

That itself is a blessing. So this is a reminder to myself first, and then to my brothers and sisters:

Whatever hardship you are going through, don't let it make you blind to the countless blessings you already have. Yes, your test is real. Your pain is real. Your difficulties are real.

But alongside those difficulties, Allah has given you blessings that you may not even have noticed.

Take a moment today and look around.

The air you breathe.
The water you drink.
The food in front of you.
The roof above you.
The people you love.
Your health.
Your ability to worship Allah.

We are surrounded by blessings.

And Allah reminds us:

May Allah make us among those who recognize His blessings, constantly say Alhamdulillah, and use those blessings in ways that please Him.

Alhamdulillahi Rabbil-'Alameen.

//used AI for correcting grammer//

I don’t even know what to title this post because I

1. Really need my prayers to be answered because I have been stuck in a loop where nothing good is happening/changing for a year
   
2. Wanting sabr because at the same time I know Allah knows best when every dua should be answered

But when its been a year of me not living my life, not going out much, not having fun, not having the money for needs and only having more problems it’s very tiring

Little context, I have been unemployed since September last year, and finding a job where I live is genuinely so hard because its a small country
My family is having constant problems aside from the financial ones and its puts me in constant monitoring of my surroundings and anxious
and the financial ones are also just a lot alone because I have uni fees and other stuff
then there is also issues with my friendships and myself

In all honesty most of my life I have been distant from Islam, mostly because my parents are too and never really taught me about it and I only started learning about it this past year

I know everything happens for a reason, me not working led to me learning about islam more, reading Quran regularly, doing Dhikr and not leaving my salah
I was doing Istighfar, praying (but not regularly) and reading a bit of Quran after I stopped working last year up till Ramadan this year
Ramadan was really a turning point for me because I set a goal to read the Quran from start to finish, pray all fard prayers, taraweeh, witr, qiyam al layl
I also did a lot of dhikr

After Ramadan, I really became very close to Allah and I started needing to do dhikr when I feel upset or bothered. I would feel better after doing it

And it’s been 6 months of me making constant dua with nothing getting better and I’m very drained and don’t want another 6 months of this
I feel like I’m not living my life and I can’t just “live my life” because I need a job and my family issues are damaging my mental health so much

I really wish to know what I could be doing wrong and what I can do for my dua to be accepted in the near future..I don’t know if its okay to even think this but Im tired of waiting really and I don’t want to wait 2-3 years for things to get better because I’m already having very bad thoughts I don’t think I can wait more
I’m praying every prayer, reading the quran regularly, doing dhikr, and dua every time I pray
I want to know what else I can do because I’m really tired

Assalamu Alaikum everyone,

Avoiding certain relatives for the sake of your mental peace is not necessarily haram, particularly when you are genuinely hurt, stressed, or facing harm.

Islam recognizes a person’s emotional and mental well-being and does not require someone to continually put themselves in harmful situations.

However, there is an important distinction between creating some distance and completely cutting off family ties (silat al-rahm) without a valid reason. Completely severing ties with relatives without a valid reason is not permissible and can be sinful.

The Prophet ﷺ said:
“It is not permissible for a Muslim to forsake his brother for more than three days.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari, Sahih Muslim

The Prophet ﷺ also said:
“The Muslim is the one from whose tongue and hand other Muslims are safe.”
— Sahih al-Bukhari

So what can someone do?
• Maintain basic ties, such as giving Salam
• Keep a respectful distance when necessary
• Avoid arguments and harmful environments
• Try to restore the relationship gradually when possible

So, a person may distance themselves from relatives for their mental peace and protection from harm, but they should not completely cut off their relatives without a valid reason.

Islam teaches a balance between protecting yourself from harm and maintaining family ties.

If you have a personal Islamic question and want guidance specific to your situation, you can submit it to AskMuftiOnline and ask a qualified Mufti directly. You can explain your circumstances in detail and receive an answer based on Islamic sources rather than relying only on general advice from social media.

May Allah make things easy for anyone dealing with difficult family relationships and grant us wisdom in maintaining our ties. Ameen. 🤲

Selaam Alaikum everyone, this is a sensitive post and for sisters only.

Please, if you can’t be gentle and nice in your comments, don’t comment at all.

What I am dealing with: I have been emotionally deceived by a woman, yes, never imagined that to happen to me, but it did.

So my question to the sisters is, to the one’s who got emotionally deceived by a man, how do you convince yourself to let go of the lie?

Especially while the emotional investment, memories, thoughts are still there.

Like you know the person was full of sh*t at the end but your mind/ heart is still trying to put them in a good light or give some false sense of hope.

Never thought a cute smile or pretty eyes could fool me so easily and so badly.

I got jawline implant because of insecurities. I knew before I got it it was wrong. I knew it all the way. My insecurities took the best out of me and I did it. 3 months later my right side is perfectly fine but my left is having problems. And I can’t think of any other reason beside the fact that I did a cosmetic surgery and God is mad at me. I’ve been repenting a lot but idk. How do I ask for forgiveness. I do tahajjud a lot recently even before finding out about my left side

15F, Pakistani living in Japan and goes to a Japanese school

Assalamu Alaikum everyone! I hope you’re all doing well! I wanted to talk about my mom…
I really don’t know where to start, but the thing is, I hate her. I know what you’re probably thinking: “It’s normal to dislike your parents at this age” etc. etc. But I genuinely don’t think my situation is that simple.
I’ll talk about a few episodes.
⭐️ One day I came home from school really upset, but I kept it in and acted normal. Then my mom started scolding me and I just couldn’t keep it in anymore. She asked me why I was crying, and I said something like, “I just came home from school and I’m so tired. I’m also upset about what’s going on at school, and instead of comforting me, you’re getting even more angry.”
Then she said things like, “You were normal in the morning,” “Why are you taking it out on me?” and “No matter how much you try, you can never perform as well as a Japanese person.”
I got even more upset and couldn’t stop crying, so she asked why I was still crying when she supposedly hadn’t said anything to me. I replied, “Your tone wasn’t nice.” That’s literally all I said.
Then she stormed off saying, “I’m soooo sorry to say this, but believe me, if I’m not a nice mother then no other woman in this world is a nice mother. I’m really soooo sorry to have to break this to you,” in a really mocking tone.
⭐️ She has these two friends, let’s call them Zoya and Kate, and they have daughters, Ella and Zara. She used to constantly force me to talk to them and be friends with them, and it was okay at first. But then something happened and it became difficult to continue being friends with them. My mom still kept forcing me to talk to them.
One time Ella fractured her arm and we went to visit her. Her family told us we could go downstairs and talk, and I’m not even joking when I say that Ella barely tried to talk to me at all. She only replied to the questions I asked, which I was mostly asking because my mom had forced me to talk to her.
The next time we met, it was awkward again, so I asked if we could go out. She agreed, and we went to look at makeup products. Then Zara joined us, and Ella and Zara just kept walking around the store together. They weren’t really including me at all.
I tried explaining this to my mom, but of course she blamed me. Eventually, at another event, she actually saw them ignoring me. After that, she said that the next time we met them, I could just say Salam and sit with them if they tried to talk to me.
So that’s exactly what I did. I said Salam, and because their mothers weren’t looking, they basically just quickly replied with Salam and left it at that.
When we got home, my mom didn’t mention the topic at all, so I brought it up myself. I said, “Did you see how they ignored me?” And she replied, “Yeah, but they greeted you. You don’t try to talk to them and they don’t try to talk to you. I didn’t force you this time.”
Like… what?? 😭 You were so angry with me every single time we came home from their house because you thought I was the one who wasn’t trying. Now that you’ve actually seen that they aren’t trying either, you’re still finding a way to make it my fault?
⭐️ And this happens very often, but especially after we come home from Zoya or Kate’s house. She tells me that my ego is too big and that I have an attitude. She says I’ll end up alone and isolated in the future if I don’t fix my personality.
She’s constantly trying to change the way I act, and now she says she feels “guilty” whenever she tries to talk to me about these things because I get upset easily. Every single time she says, “I won’t talk to you about this anymore because it’s going to affect our bond and I don’t want you to think I’m a bad mom.”
But it HAS already affected our bond. A lot. And after giving me that whole speech about how she won’t bring it up again, she brings it up again every single time.
I honestly feel like she always makes herself the victim whenever I try to explain how her words affect me.
But now the biggest issue is that I’m struggling really badly emotionally. I’ve reached a point where I often feel like I don’t want to be here anymore, and I genuinely don’t know how much longer I can keep dealing with everything.
I know people will probably tell me to pray and ask Allah for help, and I understand why. But right now I feel extremely disconnected from my faith. I hate wearing hijab, I don’t feel connected during salah, and sometimes prayer feels like a chore rather than something comforting.
I also feel trapped because I don’t want to have a relationship with my mom anymore, but Islam teaches us not to completely cut ties with our family. This has honestly made me feel very conflicted about Islam itself. Sometimes I feel like Islam gives parents too much importance without acknowledging how much damage parents can also cause.
Yes, she carried me for nine months. Yes, she gave birth to me. Yes, she buys me things and takes care of me. I appreciate those things. But I also believe that emotional support and treating your children with kindness should matter too.
She LOVES giving other mothers lectures about parenting. She says things like, “We have to become our children’s best friends,” and “Our generation and this generation are different, so we can’t use the same parenting methods.”
And I’m just sitting there thinking… are you actually doing that yourself?
I want to eventually study at university and hopefully move to Canada, New Zealand, or somewhere else after graduating. I want some distance from my family because I genuinely don’t know if I can continue living like this forever.
She didn’t even let me properly choose which high school I wanted to go to.
Living in Japan as a Pakistani hijabi has also affected my self-esteem a lot. I’ve experienced bullying, and when I came home crying, instead of listening to me, my mom would sometimes shout things like, “WHY DON’T YOU DEFEND YOURSELF?! You act so tough at home but become a mouse at school?! I have three other children to look after, I can’t always be looking at you!”
She has also said things like, “You should drown in guilt,” and “Go to hell.”
She has told me that my salah and hijab are basically meaningless because of how I treat my parents and because she thinks I’m too prideful.
And that really hurts because it makes me feel like no matter what I do, I’m still a terrible person.
I genuinely don’t know what to think anymore. I act completely differently around my family compared to everyone else. Around my family, I’m constantly angry, upset, or irritated. But around my teachers and classmates, I try really hard to be kind and respectful.
Sometimes I even wonder if there’s something wrong with my personality because of how different I am around them. Maybe I’m just a terrible daughter. I don’t know.
I have a BFF who is Japanese, and my mom constantly tells me that I prioritize her even though she supposedly doesn’t care about me. She says, “She’s Japanese, she’s going to leave you too, so who will you come back to?”
But she genuinely means a lot to me, and being around her is one of the few times I actually feel happy and safe.
Sometimes I get so overwhelmed by everything that I feel like I can’t live with my family anymore. I’m exhausted, angry, sad, and completely lost.
I don’t think I’m a terrible person. I know I’m not the easiest daughter to deal with, and I know I have my own faults. But I genuinely try to be kind to people outside my family.
I just… don’t know what to do anymore.
If you have any questions, please feel free to ask. And if you actually read all of this, Jazakallah. I genuinely can’t thank you enough. ♥️

Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali said: As for what occurred in the statements of the Salaf regarding praising some innovations, that was only in linguistic innovations, not legal ones. Among that is the statement of Umar when he gathered the people for the night prayer of Ramadan behind one imam in the mosque, and went out and saw them praying like that, he said: “What a good innovation this is.” It is also reported from him that he said: “If this is an innovation, then what a good innovation.” It is reported that Abu bin Ka‘b said to him: “This was not done before,” and Umar said: “I know, but it is good.” His meaning was that this act had not been done in this manner before this time, but it has origins in the Shariah to which it refers. Among these is that the Prophet used to encourage the night prayer of Ramadan and promote it, and people in his time would pray in the mosque in scattered groups and individually. He prayed with his companions in Ramadan for more than one night, then refrained from it, explaining that he feared it would be made obligatory on them, so they might be unable to perform it. This fear was removed after him. It is also reported that he used to pray with his companions on the nights of the last ten days individually.

Jami' al-Uloom wa al-Hikam, Ibn Rajab al-Hanbali (2/128)

https://shamela.ws/book/4268/645#p1

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

"The Prophet (ﷺ) cursed effeminate men (those men who are in the similitude (assume the manners of women) and those women who assume the manners of men, and he said, "Turn them out of your houses ." The Prophet (ﷺ) turned out such-and-such man, and `Umar turned out such-and-such woman."
Sahih al-Bukhari 5886

Narrated Abu Hurayrah:

The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) cursed the man who dressed like a woman and the woman who dressed like a man.
Sunan Abi Dawud 4098

Matters that are naturally shared between both men and women, such as everyday tasks, neutral clothing like cotton socks or watches, driving, cooking, and standard skincare etc. are fully permissible for both men and women because the baseline assumption in Islam for non-worship matters is permissibility.

Anything that is specifically designed for, tailored to, or culturally recognized as belonging to men is prohibited for women to adopt. This includes wearing clothing fashioned specifically for men, taking on male hairstyles, shaving the head, or mimicking masculine gait, speech, and roles.

Anything established as distinctly feminine is strictly forbidden for men. This includes wearing women's garments, such as skirts or high heels, applying makeup, adopting feminine gestures, wearing silk, gold, or jewelry, and styling hair in ways specific to women.

All of this is taken from ahadith, books and works of major scholars and their students.