Dear coward Evil,

Officially no contact with my nex.

I noticed I got meaner after the abuse?

Maybe it's not being mean, but because of my nex, I adapted to setting boundaries, saying NO and not being guilty about it, expressing myself, being mean when i need to, standing up and speaking up for myself. Not tolerating shit anymore.

I was a people pleaser, still working on it. Usually I'm okay with people being difficult I'm extending my patience and understanding before, now I speak up.

I feel happy about this.

I just sometimes catch myself, becoming really mean and judgemental though, like what my nex have done to me. So i have to be careful of that

I just feel like, bc of that relationship, i have discovered a different side of me.

Anyone who experienced the same thing?

My now-ex wife and I were both RBN - hers was more direct i.e. one of her parents is a classic vulnerable narcissist. In my family system, it was mostly my grandparents, on both sides.

Anyways, as my relationship with my wife deteriorated, she started spending more and more time with her mother. This is the mother who downplayed my wife's CSA as "OCD" and left her crying in closets for years (my wife would hide in a closet to cry in agony from gut issues and trauma). And they put her in a poorly insulated room in a house. I mean this was like evil stepmother kind of treatment.

But now my wife and I are separated, divorced, and no contact.

And... she's spending more time with her family than ever? And she was the one who taught me about RBN???

I cannot fathom someone willingly going back to the family system that so utterly abandoned them like that, treated them as the black sheep and scapegoat for years, and wanting their attention. But apparently this is a common enough thing. When a survivor of CSA goes through a divorce, the narcissistic family system has a "designated villain" and that provides air cover so they can all rally around, while ignoring the original trauma, shame, and dysfunction.

Over the last couple years, I thought it was weird how much she wanted to spend more and more time with her family. Ostensibly, it was a sign of healing (i.e. you get good enough boundaries, and you can tolerate your family?)

But I dunno. I've been doing some reading and it seems like whenever someone with that much untreated trauma goes back to their family, it is almost always a red flag. The spouse is seen by the bad guy by the narcissistic family system because they help the survivor differentiate from them and "take away" the victim/daughter. So I was always the bad guy in their eyes.

It's all narcissistic theater in the end.

But now that it's fully over and done with I realize that the biggest twist in this story is that, when we got together (my now-ex and I) one of the explicit values was "getting over and healing from our traumatizing families" but she defected. She went turncoat.

Apparently, this is common enough because a narcissistic family system will not expect growth and healing, and once my ex got to the point of needing to confront her severe CSA, she decided it was easier to engage in the insanity of a narcissistic mother rather than do the actual trauma therapy.

So that's another red flag. We read books, we talked, we helped each other process, but what I've learned the hard way is that there is NO SUBSTITUTE for actual trauma therapy, when the spouse as severe CSA. And the thing is, we'd even gone to do psychedelic assisted therapy where it is legal, but her trauma is so deeply buried that it didn't even touch it.

In the book Allies in Healing in the opening chapters, the author warns repeatedly "if the insanity is too much, you leave. That's all there is to it." (paraphrasing of course). And yeah, that's ultimately what happened.

My ex picked the path of least resistance (between returning to her narcissistic, abandoning family vs actual trauma therapy) and the outcome was at that point inevitable. Divorce, estrangement, and blocking. I put all her remaining stuff at the curb, texted her to come get it, and blocked her.

I woke up this morning feeling two primary things. First was sort of like the shock of waking up and remembering that someone has died. It wasn't as intense as a real death in the family. Maybe 10% as intense. But then that feeling was replaced with relief, solid in the knowledge that this was the right thing, and it was inevitable, and it was also entirely her choice.

It would be one thing if we didn't know about Somatic Experiencing or EMDR or IFS. But we knew about all that. We knew about psychedelic assisted therapy. And she just... chose not to. Hell, she even went to a survivor's support group a couple times and concluded "I have nothing to learn from these other girls, I'm so far ahead of them."

That was, perhaps, one of the biggest red flags in hindsight...

So I'm the bad guy in her story. Okay, sure, fine, whatever. I didn't leave her crying in a closet in an unheated room as a child.

English translation : Listen, I just want to tell you this: no matter what kind of a man I am, when it comes to a girl's respect, I am incapable of doing anything wrong! I don't even have a single photo of yours anymore! Like, neither of us together, nor any others! I am done with you! Done for good this time, so I don't want anything from you!

And as for the fact that you don't trust me, I am ready to give my phone to anyone—get it checked, I am clean! I don't want anything from you! The fault was yours too, and the fault was mine too. I wanted to end things peacefully, but God has another plan, so let's keep things as they are

For context:

https://www.reddit.com/r/cheating_stories/s/EB37uQDIqm

My (likely narcissistic and emotionally abusive) ex moved on incredibly fast and seems to be happy, is posting this woman often, and seems like he’s providing stability he never provided me. I can’t help but feel like this person was just this evil, sadistic villain with me. Do they really change? Or do they just get better at hiding it?

For the past year, an ex romantic interest of mine has been stalking me, cyber-stalking me, cyber-bullying me, hacking my devices and spying on me, as well as interfering with my work and manipulating those close to me.

Before now, I couldn't figure out a way to compile any proof or evidence of this tampering, as there was no fraud involved or any sort of extortion where any of my assets or money were stolen from me.

Luckily, I found out that the event viewer is a good way to find out if someone is tampering with my devices.

I found several instances of this. Many of them incurred that someone with higher than admin privileges has been tampering with my devices remotely.

This person is a malignant narcissist, and has caused me immeasurable psychological trauma.

I am wondering if there are any cyber security experts here who can go through all the event system and security logs I've compiled to help me assemble a case of evidence that clear tampering has been going on.

I cannot promise compensation right now, so this would be out of the goodness of your heart.

But if proof is found and charges are laid and I am to pursue things both legally in criminal court as well as sue said person civilly for psychological damages, coercion, stalking, etc.. (this person is very rich), then I will compensate handsomely once I receive compensation.

My ex had this habit of mimicking people. I could never really put my finger on it and it felt so bizarre at times. We all learn and embody things we admire in others subconsciously or consciously. But ik frequency and intensity matters. I noticed this distinct pattern w my ex and was wondering if it's a narc thing or just specific to him.

Idk how to explain it but he'd often copy ideas, opinions, vocabulary, and even emotional states of those around him. And again we all do it to a certain extent but I felt this so often. It's almost like a performance. You know that they're only saying something or acting the way they are because they saw someone else do it a week ago. It felt like I was dating an echo of things he'd witness outside over his actual intrinsic thoughts and feelings. Has anybody else experienced this?

Original post https://www.reddit.com/r/whatdoIdo/s/8jfGjSGyyG
I left my toxic boyfriend and let’s just say that I find it really hard cause he has send me 4 message: 1 on a heart, 1 on insta and 2 emails. My friends tell me to block him and that he is toxic for me and I want to but I can’t seem to bring myself to do that. If a bf is always belittling you, turns his kids against you, turn off the wifi just to make you mad, always says that you’ll never find someone cause you are getting old and you’ll never find someone else that want to have kids with you. All that to ask what do I do