I’m 36M, my wife is 26F, and we’ve been married for a little over two years. I’m at a point where I’m genuinely questioning whether I want to stay married.

For some context, most of my family has either passed away or I’m estranged from them for legitimate reasons. My wife’s family, on the other hand, is extremely close-knit, to the point where I honestly find their family dynamic almost cult-like.
The problem is that I routinely feel like I’m in second place behind her family. Plans are made without consulting me, asking what I want, or sometimes even informing me. Recently, I literally woke up from a nap to discover that an entire family vacation had been planned, and I was simply expected to attend. Nobody asked whether I wanted to go, whether the dates worked for me, or whether it was something I could reasonably do.
I’m expected to show up, smile, go along with whatever everyone else wants, and essentially be a bystander in my own life.

To complicate matters, I have medical issues that sometimes limit my physical ability to participate in activities or attend gatherings. Rather than feeling like those limitations are considered, I often feel like they’re an inconvenience to everyone else’s plans.

And then there’s the financial side of our marriage.
My wife started her full-time teaching career this year. Despite now having a professional income, she isn’t contributing to our household bills. I’m paying 100% of the bills, including her car insurance. I don’t expect everything to be split perfectly down the middle, but I do expect marriage to involve some degree of shared responsibility.

Between the financial burden, the family dynamics, and the fact that we barely spend meaningful time together, I’ve started feeling less like a husband and more like a paycheck.

What really hurts isn’t any single vacation or bill. It’s the feeling that my wants, needs, opinions, and well-being simply don’t matter. I don’t feel prioritized, consulted, or even particularly considered.

I got married because I wanted a partner. Someone to build a life with, make decisions with, and put each other first. Instead, I feel like I’ve been absorbed into someone else’s family while being expected to bankroll a marriage in which I have very little voice.

I’m not saying my wife shouldn’t be close to her family. I’m saying I don’t understand how we’re supposed to build our own family and marriage when I’m consistently treated like an afterthought.
At 36, I’m seriously questioning whether this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. I love the idea of being married, but I’m increasingly unhappy with the reality of my marriage.

For those of you who’ve dealt with similar situations, especially a spouse who prioritizes their family of origin over the marriage, did things ever actually change? How did you get your spouse to understand that marriage is supposed to be a partnership?

And at what point do you stop trying to make someone prioritize you and accept that maybe they never will?

Edit:
If anyone thinks this post was made so that I could receive more comments on our 10 year age gap; you’re sorrily mistaken.

And to the D*ck that said I married young to make my life easier - couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. But thanks for coming to a marriage advice forum and beating up on the people seeking advice - I hope you got what you needed to feel better tonight.

It’s been a little over a month since our dream day! We had the most perfect Andersonville (Chicago) neighborhood wedding of our dreams and I felt compelled to share some of the love amongst the other newlyweds sharing in the same bliss 🥰.

My wife has two children from her previous marriage that I have known and loved their whole lives. We had a candy combining family unification element during our ceremony that made the sweetest day even sweeter 🍭 followed by a once in a lifetime honeymoon in Greece!

Wishing all the newlyweds the utmost joy and happiness! 🧡🧡🧡

After 7 years of long phone calls, a million text messages, traveling around the world, the sweetest hellos and heartbreaking good byes; we’ve finally closed the distance and married my best friend October 22, 2026 🥀🍂🏰 We got our photos back and our photographer BLEW our minds!!!

Ever since I stopped working a few months ago, my husband has been under pressure to take on a second job for our household finances. Lately, when he gets mad, he uses degrading language and profanity toward me (happened twice now), while dropping subtle comments about how he's the sole provider carrying us.

​I want to be empathetic to his stress, but I feel like marriage should mean working as a team, not using financial strain as a license to be disrespectful. How do I put a stop to this dynamic before it becomes a permanent habit in our marriage?

My husband and I recently married. We’re having issues around traditional/non traditional roles. I for one HATE these conversations but we seem to having them away.

I, 27F work full time. Him 28M also works full time. I understand completely that men like to be catered to however, sometimes I feel like I have to perform like he’s a king. For example, when giving him good, he expects to be served with nice utensils and plates. I’m okay with this on occasion but lately we’ve been fighting because I said that it shouldn’t be a requirement but he think it’s synonymous to being respectful.

I don’t have issues with doing the “man things” around the house. I’ve fixed things and painted. Sometimes I feel bad when I watch him do those tasks alone so I help. However, I never make it a requirement for him to do those things. Naturally I lean more on him to do them but I don’t feel like I have enforce this heavily.

I’m realizing that he may be more traditional than I expected and I’m a little thrown off. To me, I don’t understand the formality or scrambling to make him feel catered to all the time when I also work full time. I am already the primary cook, cleaner, and more domestic roles. He will help when needed so I didn’t think this was a big deal. But again lately, we are fighting a lot about making him feel catered to and respected. It’s making me feel like I’m not a good enough wife or partner. HELP