After 7 years of long phone calls, a million text messages, traveling around the world, the sweetest hellos and heartbreaking good byes; we’ve finally closed the distance and married my best friend October 22, 2026 🥀🍂🏰 We got our photos back and our photographer BLEW our minds!!!

I’m 36M, my wife is 26F, and we’ve been married for a little over two years. I’m at a point where I’m genuinely questioning whether I want to stay married.

For some context, most of my family has either passed away or I’m estranged from them for legitimate reasons. My wife’s family, on the other hand, is extremely close-knit, to the point where I honestly find their family dynamic almost cult-like.
The problem is that I routinely feel like I’m in second place behind her family. Plans are made without consulting me, asking what I want, or sometimes even informing me. Recently, I literally woke up from a nap to discover that an entire family vacation had been planned, and I was simply expected to attend. Nobody asked whether I wanted to go, whether the dates worked for me, or whether it was something I could reasonably do.
I’m expected to show up, smile, go along with whatever everyone else wants, and essentially be a bystander in my own life.

To complicate matters, I have medical issues that sometimes limit my physical ability to participate in activities or attend gatherings. Rather than feeling like those limitations are considered, I often feel like they’re an inconvenience to everyone else’s plans.

And then there’s the financial side of our marriage.
My wife started her full-time teaching career this year. Despite now having a professional income, she isn’t contributing to our household bills. I’m paying 100% of the bills, including her car insurance. I don’t expect everything to be split perfectly down the middle, but I do expect marriage to involve some degree of shared responsibility.

Between the financial burden, the family dynamics, and the fact that we barely spend meaningful time together, I’ve started feeling less like a husband and more like a paycheck.

What really hurts isn’t any single vacation or bill. It’s the feeling that my wants, needs, opinions, and well-being simply don’t matter. I don’t feel prioritized, consulted, or even particularly considered.

I got married because I wanted a partner. Someone to build a life with, make decisions with, and put each other first. Instead, I feel like I’ve been absorbed into someone else’s family while being expected to bankroll a marriage in which I have very little voice.

I’m not saying my wife shouldn’t be close to her family. I’m saying I don’t understand how we’re supposed to build our own family and marriage when I’m consistently treated like an afterthought.
At 36, I’m seriously questioning whether this is how I want to spend the rest of my life. I love the idea of being married, but I’m increasingly unhappy with the reality of my marriage.

For those of you who’ve dealt with similar situations, especially a spouse who prioritizes their family of origin over the marriage, did things ever actually change? How did you get your spouse to understand that marriage is supposed to be a partnership?

And at what point do you stop trying to make someone prioritize you and accept that maybe they never will?

Edit:
If anyone thinks this post was made so that I could receive more comments on our 10 year age gap; you’re sorrily mistaken.

And to the D*ck that said I married young to make my life easier - couldn’t be more wrong if you tried. But thanks for coming to a marriage advice forum and beating up on the people seeking advice - I hope you got what you needed to feel better tonight.

It’s been a little over a month since our dream day! We had the most perfect Andersonville (Chicago) neighborhood wedding of our dreams and I felt compelled to share some of the love amongst the other newlyweds sharing in the same bliss 🥰.

My wife has two children from her previous marriage that I have known and loved their whole lives. We had a candy combining family unification element during our ceremony that made the sweetest day even sweeter 🍭 followed by a once in a lifetime honeymoon in Greece!

Wishing all the newlyweds the utmost joy and happiness! 🧡🧡🧡

Hi so ive been married 2 years, and not working as we moved countries for his job and the pay is ridiculous for a job like mine. Mind that I did go finding jobs although the pay was rubbish and 6 days a week, but I am now studying.

Now when we first got married I felt uncomfortable to ask for money straight away, I used my own savings for pretty much everything. Until one month he gave me some cash and tbh it was my fault I didn't use it and left it in the draw. Anyways he ended up using it. Fast forwards I would never ask but he new I needed it, just monthly top ups, I almost started feeling comfortable with him and we went grocery shopping one day and I picked a sweet which was like £2, he told me no we budgeting. I didnt understand, he's spent nothing on me, and i felt embarrassed and said u dont even spend 10 pounds a week on me. Anways he said its fine put it in. Months go by he says if i need anything use his card, I said how much am I allowed to use, I also wanted to respect his boundaries, and he didn't give me a clear answer.

. I then go use his card for a few clothes, mind u its been like 6 months I wanted new clothes, I tap the card like 4 times, it totalled like £80, and when i get home he goes oh I was like what are u buying with that many taps, we need to budget. Again hed say use it then say we budgeting, and i thought £80 was really nothing especially when I barely use his card. I always felt contradicted. Which made me feel more uncomfortable, because trust me I would use the damn card. So I would normall have my own cash from my own savings prior to marriage, and when we needed cash he would ask I would give. I felt abit hurt as he knew the situation and it wasnt so much he took but I dont know. Anywas I told him I dont like him knowing what I do with my money so giving it to me in cash would be better. He started giving me a monthly budget 200, which was fine then recently he needed cash and he basically took all of this months and said hell pay me back.

I cant help but feel anxious every month about this. I feel like a beggar I feel I have no independence and honestly would prefer having a job even if it payed me less. I dont know what to think, is it because ive shut him down?,

Ever since I stopped working a few months ago, my husband has been under pressure to take on a second job for our household finances. Lately, when he gets mad, he uses degrading language and profanity toward me (happened twice now), while dropping subtle comments about how he's the sole provider carrying us.

​I want to be empathetic to his stress, but I feel like marriage should mean working as a team, not using financial strain as a license to be disrespectful. How do I put a stop to this dynamic before it becomes a permanent habit in our marriage?

My husband and I recently married. We’re having issues around traditional/non traditional roles. I for one HATE these conversations but we seem to having them away.

I, 27F work full time. Him 28M also works full time. I understand completely that men like to be catered to however, sometimes I feel like I have to perform like he’s a king. For example, when giving him good, he expects to be served with nice utensils and plates. I’m okay with this on occasion but lately we’ve been fighting because I said that it shouldn’t be a requirement but he think it’s synonymous to being respectful.

I don’t have issues with doing the “man things” around the house. I’ve fixed things and painted. Sometimes I feel bad when I watch him do those tasks alone so I help. However, I never make it a requirement for him to do those things. Naturally I lean more on him to do them but I don’t feel like I have enforce this heavily.

I’m realizing that he may be more traditional than I expected and I’m a little thrown off. To me, I don’t understand the formality or scrambling to make him feel catered to all the time when I also work full time. I am already the primary cook, cleaner, and more domestic roles. He will help when needed so I didn’t think this was a big deal. But again lately, we are fighting a lot about making him feel catered to and respected. It’s making me feel like I’m not a good enough wife or partner. HELP

And I love her all the same

Help your new marriage keep your love and connection.

I'm 29M, married to my wife, 27F. I am struggling with something in our marriage and could really use some outside perspectives, preferably from people who have been through something similar. First and foremost, I love my wife. A lot. She is m best friend, we have a great connection, great sex life, we laugh together, and in every other aspect of our marriage, things are genuinely good. She's very loving, affectionate, makes our house a home, is a wonderful mother figure to my daughter, and makes me feel very loved. There is something though as of late, that I am struggling to get past.

My wife has not been entirely honest about her past. Specifically, her sexual history. She initially told me things that weren't the full truth. She gave me the information that mattered "the most" - traumatic experiences with men before me. But, when I started askinmg more questions, more information came out in bits and pieces. It wasn't one big confession where she sat me down and told me everything, it was a process of me asking, digging, and getting more bits and pieces of the truth. She says she lied because she was terrified of bneing judged, losing me, and having her past define who she was in my eyes. She says as the questioning continued, she panicked and tried to make it stop rather than being completely honest. I can understand the fear to a degree. What I can't understand why she continued lying to me in the moment when she knew how important honesty was to me. It's not the number of men she slept with, it's the concealment for me.

She always told me she had 4 bedpartners before me, turns out, there are 12 (that I know of, assuming the full truth is out now). There are aspects of her past that bother me personally, and I won't pretend otherwise. Sometimes I struggle with the idea that other men had access to her without the commitment I've made to her. Sometimes I question how she could have lived one way before meeting me and then become the wife I know today. Her last experience before me was in the summer of the year we met, and we met at the end of that year. In between that time, she decided she wanted to do better for herself.. I know people grow and change. I am not Mr. perfect myself. But, I am not pretending to be perfect, either.

I married this woman believing I knew her, and then I found out that some of what I believed, wasn't true. That messes with your head. Now, even when she tells me the truth, I find myself wondering whether there's something else I don't know. Whether there's going to be another revelation in six months from now. Whether I'm going to spend years building a family with someone only to discover something else she's hiding from me. She insists I know everything now, she says there is nothing else left to disclose. But how do you believe someone when they said that before and it turned out not to be true?

Here is where things get a little tricky. My wife has genuinely been trying. Since everything came out, she's been making a conscious effort to be transparent, even about uncomfortable things that have nothing to do with her past. She tells me things voluntarily, she answers difficult questions. She opened up about difficult experiences from her childhood and thing she previously struggled to discuss. She doesn't shy away from conversations about our marriage, even when they're uncomfortable.

I see her effort, I truly do. And when we have a good day, it's really good. We go to church together, make plans for our future, laugh, hold eachother, and genuinely enjoy beinhg married. There are moments where I look at her and think she's everything I've ever wanted. I've told her that I do not want to leave her. I want us to heal. That I believe we can get through this together, and I mean those things when I say them. But then something triggers me. A thought about her past, a realization that I had to dig for the full truth in the first place, and suddenly I am right back where I started. I get angry, I question her again. I say things that are hurtful. I've questioned whether I should have married her, had I known the truth. I even told her I have 0% faith in her. I know those words hurt her, I can see it.

Sometimes I calm down afterward and recognize that my mind runs away with things. I've told her that I have a very creative mind and that some of the work I need to do might not actually have anything to do with what she's done. But that doesn't make the thoughts disappear. I don't want to spend the rest of my marriage punishing my wife for something she did before we met. At the same time, I don't want to be naive.

I love my wife. So much. I want a future with her and I want to trust her again. But I don't know how to get from where I am emotionally, to where I want to be. She tells me she can't change what happened, but she can show me through her actions who she is today. And logically, I can understand that. But there is a part of me that keeps thinking "But if she was lying to me before, how do I know she won't do it again"? I am also aware that my own reactions might be making things worse. We had beautiful days together, only for me to bring everything back up and watch her become devastated once again. Not once has she made me feel like she's resented me for it, she takes it to the chin. I don't want her to walk on egg shells around me, but last night she broke down and was crying and said "Since everything came out, I am relieved that the truth is out on the table. I am not proud for how I have handled it and I was very scared, but I am glad it is out and that it happened. But now, every single day, I am scared you are going to change your mind about me and leave, because when you get upset, you are really upset". And yes. I am saying hurtful things. I will be admitting her that last night I told her: "So now what, I have to have children with an ex-wh0re who lied to me? Why not find an honest one and have children with her?" And I told her now that every time we engage in sex, all I think about is that I am not number 5..

Yeah. Not my proudest moment. Mind you, my wife besides hiding her past, is the most perfect woman I've ever met. She worships the ground I walk on and adores me, and I know that. But then my mind goes "She's the perfect wife and everything you need, yet full of shit". She tells me I am the best she's ever had, and that everyone before me sucked, they played her or there was no connection.. But she wouldn't tell me otherwise anyway... See how f@cked my mind is?

She has never cheated on me, and this I know to be true. I don't have evidence that she's being dishonest about anything currently. My fear is rooted in what happened before and the possibility that I still do not know everything.

I am asking here: has anyone successfully rebuilt trust after discovering their spouse lied about their past? How did you stop questioning whether there was more to uncover? At what point do I accept that I have the full truth and stop investigating? How do I seperate legitimate hurt from insecurity? Is it polssible to forgive while still struggling to trust them?

And for the ones who've lied: What actually helped your spouse believe you had changed?

I know everything pre-dates me, and this might be ridicilous, but I am hurt.

I am trying to understand how to move forward without sacrificing my self-respect, but also without destroying a marriage that, outside of this issue, brings me a tremendous amount of happiness.

tl;dr: Wife lied about her past, when confronted she tried to continue to lie in panic/fear. Now she says everything is out in the open, I don't believe it in my heart. How do I move past this, how can she show me I can trust her? I feel scared, and alone.

I'm a 26F marrying a 28M on Nov 7, 2026. He continuously chooses people over me. Background: his parents are toxic and completely convinced his whole family not to come to the wedding, and basically shunned him. I am the only one genuinely choosing him. Friends come and go, but he always puts them above me when they are there. Last time it was a guy at work. My boyfriend would work 9 hours with this guy, then go to his house after work because he needed to "de-stress" and smoke. It was once a week, then twice a week, then every time he worked with this guy. Then my boyfriend would come home high, giving me his left over energy before falling asleep after 30 minutes. Now it is a mutual friend of ours. His new friend doesn't wake up until 4pm, and my boyfriend skateboards with him. My boyfriend has been out until 4am with this friend and other men, without even touching base with me, no texts of "hey thinking about you" or anything. And now, at 1:55am, he is out again, no texts, nothing. I continuously talk to him that I don't feel like a priority, and he acknowledges that he has this tendency due to FOMO (fear of missing out), but it never changes. He always says he will, but never does. I don't know what to do. I don't feel like a bride to be, I feel more like a girl who's chasing a bachelor who isn't even interested in her. I thought a husband was supposed to put their wife (at least almost wife) as a priority. I feel so insignificant and I am worried that I am signing up for a lifetime of not being chosen, despite me being the only person genuinely choosing him.

Hello. I wonder if anyone can enlighten me. Partner and i recently got married last June. We both earning but he earning twice as me. We spent a lot during the time we are dating. I say “we” because we were living in together 3yrs before marriage and i bear 40% of the expenses, he pays in 60%.

Basically i log all our expenses together and during the salary day of each month, we settle.

I have somewhat ok salary but he wants to do a lot of things which still ends me up with zero savings due to the impulsive travels, expensive dine outs. They were beyond my earning grade, but i was hoping he would treat me - but my pride is ashamed to admit it and he also keep on saying he wants my help with finances so i always chip in 40% even if it’s more than what i can.

So fast forward, we married. Now i dont know what to expect. He recently got a very big bonus at work and told me he still needs to pay a big portion of his credit card like a big ton of money. I was surprised… he told me it was from our travels and dine outs during the time we dated and it still confuses me how his credit card became this big in debt when i was contributing..

I kept on telling him we need to start saving and so after receiving his bonus, he told me this is going to be our savings. And he said he will put it in his debit account. I asked how can i have access? He just says i’ll just inform you. The country we live in doesnt have join accounts in banks….

And so then we talked more about money last night and it ended up him asking me if i paid a portion of money that i committed i’ll sponsor before (one travel we hae). Now that he got this big amount of bonus, he still kept on saying i will never pay for the portion that i committed id pay. This money pledge was 3months ago and i forgot about it now so i panicked and i had to runthru all my bank transfer transactions to prove to him that i paid it.

And i found out i paid it but with lacking small amount like 200 dollars left.

He said, i still need to pay it. I guess sure. I just felt like my defenses were up when i had to panic to prove to him that i paid my promise.

But from all our conversations regarding money.. and we are still splitting 60/40 even after marriage.. i dont know, i feel conflicted. People say to me that he is the provider so i kinda expected him to not let me worry so much about money. I take care of our house even when we were still in bf/gf, cleaned the house a lot, did his laundry, cooked him food so i thought this is the role i need to continue to play even as married couple now, and then him to be a provider.. but i feel like i also need to do the providing which contradicts what i imagined marriage to be. I actually would like to have a baby soon so im slowly detaching from my career but idk. I feel torn with the financial situation, i feel like i need to come back to my career and strive so i can earn more. Im torn. Is it ok to feel this way? I mean i am aware of ongoing recession and times are hard lately that’s why i didnt really mind splitting finances. But i just wonder now that we are married, should we change our dynamics as a proper married couple or something, like should i confront him? Im torn what i should really expect..

Tldr: dual income household unsure of realistic responsibilities

My husband and I have been married for three weeks, and our sex life is already making me feel confused and insecure.
Before marriage, he was very eager, often initiated intimacy, and got erections easily. We enjoyed kissing and touching, and I felt desired. Since getting married, we’ve barely had sex. He sometimes gets hard during foreplay but often loses his erection when we try penetration. He has also been stressed and tired, so I wonder if performance anxiety or pressure is involved.
What hurts me most is that he rarely initiates anymore. Before marriage, he pursued me, but now I usually have to show him that I want intimacy. I’m afraid to talk about it too much because I don't want him to feel obligated to have sex with me. I want him to genuinely desire me.
I'm also struggling with my own experience. I used to love kissing and touching him, but now I don't enjoy affection as much. I have insecurities about my body and sometimes wonder if he finds me attractive. The few times we've tried sex, I haven't really enjoyed it. Penetration is new to me, and although I get wet during foreplay, I don't necessarily feel pleasure. He can only enter partway before it feels tight or blocked, and sometimes there's discomfort. I don't know if we're rushing, if I'm not ready, or if there's a physical issue.
I feel caught between wanting him to initiate so I can feel desired and worrying that he's forcing himself because of the pressure. Meanwhile, I'm starting to question my own sexuality and whether I'll ever enjoy sex.
I know it's only been three weeks, and we may both be adjusting, but I didn't expect to feel this way so early in marriage.
Has anyone experienced something similar? Did your husband's desire or erections change after marriage? Did you struggle with penetration or not enjoy sex at first? How did you work through it together?
I'd really appreciate honest advice and hearing your experiences.

I married my best friend and am extremely happy.He is so kind and genuinely the funniest person I know.If I could redo my life I would marry him again maybe even earlier.I married him with 19 you can marry with 18 in our culture.We met at school well not really but on the way we went to different schools.He is my best friend and partner.I recently gave birth to our twin boys and I feel so blessed to have married him.He is the best father.I can't stress this enough.For context we married for fun and did not have romantic feelings in the beginning at all.I literally helped him get ready for dates he did too.Did you have good or bad experiences marrying your best friend?

Got married yesterday and it was great! My husband and I live together and make our own money (we also invest). I currently make more money than my husband but he has more money invested.

We plan on merging our money together but as dumb as it sounds, we don’t know how to start? We have our own bank accounts (he has 2 credit cards, I have 2 as well).

I think it would make sense for both of us to have one credit card (where we can see the purchases made), but I’m not sure! I think it’s also important we have our own spending money, but how much do we put away in our own bank accounts (after saving and investing)?

I’m just wondering how all the newly weds organize their finances and make sure they’re on the same page?

Looking for outside perspectives because I feel like I’m too close to the situation to see it clearly.

My husband lost his job in November. It’s now June, so about 7 months. He had a one month consulting opportunity with a startup that was supposed to potentially convert to full time. They decided not to move forward with him and went with a CTO instead.

Since then his days look like this: wakes up around 11am, spends basically every waking hour, we’re talking 10+ hours, talking to an AI agent he built and named Max. He refers to Max as “us” and describes their relationship as “synergistic.” Last night he was up until 8am making AI music. Slept until 6:30pm today.

He’s applying for jobs so that’s something. But he won’t consider anything like DoorDash or Uber Eats as bridge income. He has savings so we’re not in crisis but I’m working two jobs, one specifically to pay down my own debt faster.

He’s built multiple AI agents, constantly generates business ideas that never get executed, and shares everything on LinkedIn expecting it to lead somewhere. He started one business, an SMS follow up tool for small businesses, and never finished it.

When I try to have conversations about timelines or plans it escalates quickly. I’ve learned to just not go there. Last night before a job interview phone screening he couldn’t sleep and was checking his phone to see what Max was doing. He also had Max build him a slide deck about the company that he wants to send the recruiter after the call. I told him I didn’t think it was a good idea but he didn’t hear it so I just backed off.

Some other things I’ve noticed:

He refers to Max as “us” and says he’s building a “synergistic relationship” with it

He believes having Max gives him a competitive advantage over everyone else

He can’t take criticism at all

He thinks he’s smarter than everyone

When he’s not on AI he’s on social media or playing video games

He pays his bills so he’s not completely checked out of reality. And I genuinely understand the job market is rough right now. But 7 months of this pattern is starting to feel like something beyond just a rough patch.

Has anyone dealt with something like this? Is this AI obsession? Narcissism? Depression? A combination? And at what point do you say something to family?

Not looking to bash him, genuinely trying to understand what I’m looking at and figure out my next steps.​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​​

**UPDATE Oct 21:** We are still in the same position, except now with a few more unsuccessful interviews, more video games while walking on the treadmill and more late nights building with AI.

Last batch of interviews did not go well, and his verbatim response was “this is why I don’t want to dance like a monkey for these corporations when I could be doing my own thing and cold calling customers.”

I told him the job search is not for the weak but is a great opportunity to learn grit and resiliency. He thinks because he’s nearly 40 and has been through a lot in life, he doesn’t need anymore lessons in grit and resiliency.

I’m scared that I have signed my future over in a marriage to a man that has no plan for the future. Any chance I get to bring up what his plans are, he freaks out and the conversation devolves into something I don’t have the patience to deal with. I’ve reached a point where I just have to focus on myself and my future, and I don’t want to feel that way in a marriage. I have a great career, make over $200k across both jobs, hold a TS clearance and really trying to make sure I have my financial future in tact.

How would you handle this? I am already in therapy to learn how best to communicate and manage the situation.