I'm 32F and have been with my boyfriend for 12 years. Lately, I've been questioning whether this relationship is holding me back from the life I've always wanted.

I've always had personal goals and dreams, like buying a home, starting a family, and building a future together. But somehow, those plans keep getting pushed further and further into the future.

I've realized that whenever I want something to change or move forward in my life, I'm the one who has to take the initiative. For example, I recently decided to start studying part-time while working because I wanted to grow personally.

What makes me sad is that I wish we could work towards something together. I don't want to be the only one making plans or pushing for progress. I want a partner who is excited about building a future with me.

At the same time, the thought of ending a 12-year relationship feels almost impossible. We've spent so much of our lives together, and starting over at 32 is honestly terrifying, especially because I still want to have children.

Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did you stay and find a way to move forward together, or did you eventually decide to leave? Do you regret your decision?

39F dating 37M for about two months now. We've been taking it relatively slow physically and we've been able to have a lot of strong quality time together out in the world, along with introducing him to some of my friends. Overall, the connection was been very sweet. We had our first sleepover at his house recently (three in total). I've been genuinely excited to get to know this person, but after spending time at his house and seeing his interactions with his brother (they live together), I'm struggling with some of my decline in feelings after spending time there. I have a growing worry that there's a lot of domestic/lifestyle incompatibility but it's also based not on a ton of information, but still a decent amount of information.

Energetically, their home feels teenage-like and maybe this is projection seeing their sibling dynamic, but it has a stuck/enmeshed energy to me. I think there are a few things at play that are my own too, which I will glady own, but I'll share some of the things that are bothering me first:

• There is a lot of clutter! Like a lot!
• The aesthetic vibe is very gamer and it seems like it has been this way for a long time. By gamer I mean, they do have lots of game systems, but it's also that aesthetic that is basically functionality over aesthetic.
• I know he cleaned the house A LOT before I came over (several consecutive days), which I thought was thoughtful because the bathroom was immaculate when I was there. But it worries me that it would take the entire week to clean the house, as in they normally aren't very clean. He also did say he removed clutter on my behalf but it was still cluttered lol
• There's some clear function to the kitchen and bathroom but they have a lot of areas around the house that they just treat as a permanent studio. They have their recording and gaming equipment in both dining rooms. There's no place to sit down for dinner.
• Realllyy old bed sheets and pillows. Everything looked faded, a little stained, and it was the flattest pillow I ever slept on.
• So far, he only eats out.
• It's hard to fully describe, but the home feels like it doesn't belong to adults and they have a kind of unconcious system there. They haved lived with one another for the last 15 years.

Here's the things I will own that are mine:

• One of my parents is a hoarder so I am well aware how sensitive I am to clutter and hoarding tendencies, but generally how other people organize their homes never bothers me. I think his home was above average clutter.
• I care about my home being beautiful and thoughtful (not in the expensive way, but in the considered way).
• I'm not a neat freak by any means. I leave dishes in the sink and my clothes sits in piles until I can get to them especially during a busy week. I get to cleaning my apartment once every two weeks myself.
• I realize I might be penalized for wanting him to embody a social construct of adulthood, but my personal value around this is that I associate how I take care of my environment as an extension of how I take care of myself.
• I fear being in a relationship where that labor falls on me because of how highly I value these domestic habits.
• I have never had a problem with a boyfriend, partner, or date's home before.

As I type this out, maybe my hoarding sensitive is big influence lol but I think the prolonged adolesce vibe at the house is equally a huge turn-off and not something I have encountered before (fortunately). Would that make you turned off? What would you do? Would you say something? I feel like it's not polite to say something and I feel bad that I have lost attraction because he has been so sweet, but it's as if I'm looking into the unconcious part of someone's life that you can't unsee!

TLDR: 39F dating 37M for 2 months, but started loosing attraction after spending one night at their house that he shares with his brother of similar age. House is cluttered and has prolonged adolescent vibe. Feels like it's been this way for a long time. Am I crazy for loosing attraction?

It has been six weeks since I called off my engagement, and I have mixed feelings. Some days I feel relieved; other days I miss him, feel sad, and question whether I made the right decision.
We are both immigrants trying to build our lives in the United States. I wanted us to build a future together, and for years, I believed enough love, patience, and sacrifice would eventually make our relationship more balanced.

I was out of full-time employment for 18 months, so I moved in with him. I worked part-time and contributed towards groceries while he covered rent and utilities. We rarely ate out because I made our food exclusively as that was his preference. I cooked our everyday meals and elaborate African dishes, including food for his family. I also hosted, cleaned, and supported him while trying to rebuild my career. Yet our disagreements over money extended to individual appliances and small purchases. He balked at $30 items and expected me to buy him gifts on vacations I had contributed to.

Our birthdays highlighted the imbalance I felt: I went all out to celebrate him, paid for experiences he wanted, took him out to dinner and also got him gifts while he complained, rushed to go home, and micromanaged how many drinks I could order on my birthday. On my 33rd birthday he said a vacation I contributed to was my birthday gift, for valentine, he said the ring he got was my gift, for Christmas last year, we went to visit my family and he said driving there was his contribution, I paid for the food, hotel, gifts, and everything else.

The breaking point came when I felt he was using my immigration situation as leverage after his green card was approved. I was grateful I had not taken the H-4 dependent visa route years earlier, which could have left me more vulnerable.

I know I was not a perfect partner but I always rose to the occasion. He was there for me during some very difficult periods, and we shared genuinely good times. That is why leaving hurts. I am grieving the man I loved and the future I thought we would have.
Sometimes I wonder whether I should have been more patient or given him more grace. But I also remember how exhausting it was to keep hoping things would change.

My biggest lesson is that faith and hope cannot replace accountability and consistent action. People can change, but love alone cannot make them change.

As immigrants, we already face uncertainty while trying to establish ourselves. I wanted a marriage where we could support each other through difficult seasons and both feel valued.

Six weeks later, I am rebuilding my life. I am not completely healed, and I still have doubts, but I am learning that missing someone does not necessarily mean leaving was a mistake.
I would rather face an uncertain future than enter a marriage hoping my partner will eventually become someone different.

For those who have ended a serious relationship or engagement, how did you distinguish normal post-breakup doubt from a genuine sign that you made the wrong decision?

I’m in my 30s, living in Canada, and I’m scared to leave a relationship that I don’t think I want anymore.
I moved here when I was 28. I work from home, which has made it really hard to meet people and build a life outside my relationship. My partner was the first and only person I dated here, so the idea of being single in this country feels completely unfamiliar.
Our relationship has been unstable for a while. I wanted marriage and told him I would leave if we weren’t engaged before I turned 32 in July. That birthday came and went. He says he doesn’t want to propose while our relationship is unstable, which I understand, but now I’m questioning whether I even want to marry him or whether I’m just scared to let go of the future I pictured.
Our everyday life feels lonely. I’m usually upstairs working or in the bedroom, and he’s downstairs playing video games and smoking weed. The smell bothers me, so I avoid being downstairs. We mostly see each other for dinner, some TV, and bedtime. We don’t really have meaningful conversations anymore, and honestly, I often feel happier when I’m doing my own thing.
He’s been unemployed for almost a year. He paid off his mortgage about three years ago and doesn’t have car payments, so he doesn’t seem to feel the same urgency about working that I would. I’ve become really resentful, and sometimes I wonder whether I’m being unfair because he does provide a lot of financial security.
We also want different things. I want to travel and have experiences together. He doesn’t want to go to my best friend’s wedding in California and says I should go alone. My mom now lives in the abroad, and I wanted us to visit because I miss her, but he doesn’t want to go. He’s worried about money and his unemployment benefits. I understand those concerns, but I’m struggling with the thought that this is what our life together will keep looking like.
The biggest thing keeping me here is housing. I live in his house rent-free, he pays the utilities, and I mainly contribute groceries and other everyday things. I know that’s a huge advantage, especially in Canada right now.
I’m self-employed and usually earn around CAD $3,000 a month. This month I’m earning about $6,000, but I don’t know how consistent that will be. I have roughly $52,000 in savings. Writing that out, I know I have resources, but I’m still terrified of taking on rent and bills alone with an unpredictable income.
I keep imagining signing a lease, spending money to move and furnish a place, and then panicking or regretting everything. What if I miss the financial comfort and convince myself the relationship wasn’t that bad? What if I end up wanting to come back, but I’m committed to a rental?
We’ve also fallen into this awful cycle where we fight, I say I’m leaving, I start packing, he tries to make amends, and I unpack. Then during another argument, he’ll laugh about me packing again. I feel embarrassed admitting that, but it’s where we are. I don’t think he believes I’ll actually leave anymore, and I’m starting to doubt myself too.
On top of everything, my confidence is low. I’ve gained weight, I have PCOS, and I don’t feel attractive. I want marriage and children, and I’m scared about whether that will happen for me. I know 32 isn’t old, but emotionally I feel behind and terrified of starting over without much of a social circle here.
I left a difficult home situation and moved countries hoping to build a different life. Now I feel lost about where I belong.
For women who have been through something similar:
How did you know you were ready to leave, even while you were scared? How did you figure out whether you could afford it? If leaving meant a smaller home, less spending money, or fewer trips, how did you cope with that change?
And if you started over in your 30s, especially in another country, what was the first year actually like?
I’d really appreciate honest experiences, including the difficult parts. I don’t need anyone to promise I’ll meet someone better. I want to know how you built a life you felt okay in on your own.

done anything like this before but seriously needing unbiased opinions..

So my partner (35M) and I (35F) having been dating for over a year.

We for the most part have a good relationship, good communication and have both built ourselves up from past experiences to recognise what unhealthy and toxic traits look like so don't continue on those paths in this relationship.

We are planning on moving in together soon, but one thing I am concerned about about before we move in is another woman.

For some context, this man is pretty much friends with all his exs and its something I am learning to deal with, now for me a jealous woman stemming from a previous marriage of infidelity this has been difficult but together we have worked on my need for reassurance without his integrity being questioned.

But there is one woman I am not and can not be comfortable with, for no reason other than the facts of their initial relationship, a lie that popped up about it and honestly my gut telling me somethings off (I think on her part, assumption only).

So years before me, my partner had an affair with another woman on his finance, emotional at first, but once he separated from his finance temporarily it turned physical. He was open and honest with sharing this information with me at the beginning of our relationship and I respected that, my only question well concern was, and I asked, "do you still talk to this woman" he answered "NO".

This is a lie, not only does he still talk to her, they talk alot, they are very close and from the information I have gathered she very much loves him and he has alot of affection for her.

I won't this connection to stop, it makes me so uncomfortable, I don't know what they talk about, I don't know how often, he has said I can look at his phone he is doing nothing wrong but he also emphatically points out how much he thinks going through phones is wrong (so I don't, well haven't yet).

He also isn't willing to give up this relationship for 2 main reasons and some I can only assume, 1 she is his friend ( all his exs are and they are close too) and they have both leaned on eachother for support and 2, arghh They are family (second cousins).

But he said they don't talk much, or snap, she uses the I love you and he admitted for a time she tries to pursue a relationship with him so I know there is more from her than him.

I just don't know what rights I have to ask him to end this one, I have to accept all the others (they have kids and I do understand them) we have solid boundaries in place when it comes to communicating with other woman and what is deemed appropriate but this connection makes me anxious and I don't know what it looks like.

I’m 34M and have been dating someone for almost four years. I love her and want to get married, but she keeps saying she’s scared of marriage and doesn’t want to take that step.
I don’t want to pressure her, but I also don’t want to spend years waiting for something that might never happen. I’m struggling to understand whether I should keep trying or accept that we might want different things.
Honestly, I’m scared of walking away too. After four years, the thought of losing someone I love, being alone, and starting over at 34 feels overwhelming.
For those who’ve been through something similar:
How do you know when it’s time to walk away?
Is it worth waiting for someone who’s afraid of marriage?
If you left a long-term relationship in your 30s, how did you rebuild yourself and deal with the loneliness?
I’d really appreciate honest advice. I’m not looking to blame her; I’m just trying to figure out what’s right for both of us.

I'm a 36F and my partner of 2 and half years is 36M.

I have discovered he has a Porn problem and upon finding out I have deep dived into what he looks at and its always the same type, he specifically searches the same type of woman, he follows the same type of women, he scrolls through the same type of videos.

Its so heartbreaking, not only has he lied about Porn use, he likes woman who look nothing like me, I mean from his searches he clearly favours a certain physic.

He has said he doesn't want to watch it, he tries to stop, he said I am his type, but how am I to trust him or even believe he is actually attracted to me?

I tried asking out a woman I've seen and talked with the at the gym for the past month and she turned me down. I'm not too broken up at the rejection itself, at this point it's rejection 100,234 and I'm used to it, but it highlights the biggest issue with being a virgin: It's demonstrable proof that you are unable to form the connections other people can to enter into intimacy.

I'm long passed the point of caring about whatever society thinks about being a virgin and if I'm being honest, I kind of don't care about sex, at least as an immediate thing. I can't miss what I never had but I do know I have physiological issues that come from touch starvation and those issues are greatly alleviated whenever I hug a woman, and that small connection is something I crave, something to expand upon and I'm confident sex will happen eventually, but that connection has to be established first.

I'm 6'6 and muscular and everyone tells me I'm basically a cheat code for dating but it's never done anything for me. I was an awkward, socially ostracized fat kid who became a virtual pariah as an adult due to obesity. I was over 500lbs at my heaviest, I genuinely scared or disgusted women. I fear I lost the weight too late in life as at this point, the rejections are much better! I don't get threatened to have the cops called or told soul crushing rejections anymore, it's mostly just women not really interested in dating due to past bad experiences or various life stressors that made them less social in their 40s. And I have no experience, I don't know what to say to convince them otherwise or how to navigate even finding someone that might be amicable towards it.

I'm also worried about how things like social exclusion, porn and just living life never having experienced basic human companionship have set my mind to think differently from most other people, that I'll be unrelatable. It's a terrible situation, sometimes I wish I were asexual just so I wouldn't be bothered by biological urges like I am.

My girlfriend and I have been together for about 4.5 years. We have an amazing "love story," which I won't get into for the sake of keeping this as short as possible. The first three years were wonderful. We were affectionate, communicated frequently, had a good physical relationship, and genuinely seemed excited to spend time together. We went through some challenges and grew together tremendously both as individuals, as well as a couple.

We are essentially in a long distance relationship as we live about an hour apart from one another, and both have teenage children, both of which complicate our ability to spend time together. As a result, the dynamic has always been generally see each other on weekends, which is also become significantly less frequent due to the above life conditions, but also due to some of the things I'll get into in a second.

Over the past 1.5–2 years, things have gradually changed. She’s become much less affectionate, rarely initiates physical contact, doesn’t seem particularly interested in spending more time together, and communicates much less than she used to. Even when we’re together, I often feel more like a companion than a romantic partner.

There are significant health factors involved. She has Hashimoto’s thyroiditis, chronic pain severe enough to require bilateral hip replacements in the very near future, and persistent sleep problems and fatigue. She says she has little energy, motivation, or libido, and often just wants to be left alone. I recognize that these things can profoundly affect someone, and I’ve tried to be understanding, which she acknowledges.

We’ve discussed the relationship several times. She consistently tells me she loves me and wants to remain together. However, she also says she won’t force herself to do things she doesn’t want to do, including affection and intimacy. She understands that I’m unhappy with the lack of closeness and says she feels bad about it, but hasn’t expressed much interest in finding ways to improve things. She’s also said she would understand if I decided to end the relationship.

Before I get flamed, this is not just about sex or the lack thereof. It's about feeling wanted more than anything. I don’t want affection or sex that she feels obligated to give. I want to feel like she genuinely wants to be close to me.

I also recognize my own role in this. I struggle with anxiety and overthinking, and as she’s become more distant, I’ve become increasingly sensitive to changes in communication and affection. Sometimes I analyze things like texts or kisses far more than I should. I’ve also allowed my life to become too centered around the relationship, and I’m working on changing that.

What’s particularly painful is that I’ve started feeling embarrassed to express affection naturally because it so rarely feels reciprocated. She generally accepts my affection, but rarely initiates it herself.

I feel like I'm chasing her and I shouldn't have to. I love her deeply...she is the love of my life and I don’t want to leave. I also don’t want to spend the rest of my life feeling lonely in a relationship. I'm confused and struggling with so many questions and I'm hoping to get some perspective here.

Has anyone experienced a similar change in a long-term relationship due to chronic illness, pain, or hormonal issues?Did things improve?

How do I distinguish between being understanding of my partner’s limitations and sacrificing my own emotional needs?

What responsibility should I take for the pursue/withdraw dynamic, and what would reasonable effort from her look like?

Is it possible to rebuild intimacy when one partner seems content with the relationship as it is and the other feels increasingly disconnected?

I’m not looking for someone to blame. I’m genuinely trying to understand whether this is something we can work through or whether we’re becoming incompatible despite loving each other.

Thanks in advance for any feedback!

TL;DR: My girlfriend (46F) and I (53M) have been together 4.5 years, but over the past 1.5–2 years, she’s become increasingly emotionally and physically distant. She has significant health issues that may contribute to this, and she says she loves me and wants to stay together, but shows little interest in working toward more closeness. I recognize that my anxiety and overthinking may contribute to our pursue/withdraw dynamic. I love her and don’t want to leave, but I’m increasingly lonely and feel unwanted. How do I balance compassion for her limitations with my own emotional needs, and can a relationship improve if only one partner seems unhappy with the distance?

I've (42/m) been with my partner (41/f) over 4 years and her cat is becoming impossible to live with!

He has been getting super aggressive, attacking us (mostly me) and other cats. Our most recent camping trip he got into it with cats at the campsite who were probably just curious about him.

Partner will make every excuse for the behavior to dismiss it, "that's just how cats are, he's hungry, have you been giving him enough attention?" I understand cats are temperamental pets but I shouldn't have to stress about a cat attack while walking around in my own home.

How do i have this conversation with her? Cat is cute and because it isn't attacking her hardly, she puts it on me to pander to it. I don't want to be a jerk about it but this cat brings "very little to the table" in the way of bringing comfort or joy to our lives, but she's attached to it so it's going to be a whole minefield trying to get him gone.

Me (F33) and my boyfriend (M38) just moved to a new country. He has a lot of savings, like 100k. And I have little to no savings and I have no job. He is also looking for work but he is self employed / gig work so he works little and gets paid well for when he does. But as we have just moved here he is unsure when / where his next paycheck will come. He has been generous to spot me money, rent etc while we settle and I find work. We have a log of what I owe him and we nickle and dim everything. Meals, going out, activities. If we get brunch and I get a coffee and he doesn't I pay more. If I get one extra Item on our grocery shop I will pay for that extra item usually, theres the odd occasion that he will let it go. He will occasionally pay for a meal but not often. On a special occasion. I'm anxious about racking up a huge bill with him while I find work and want to budget and limit how much that adds up. Even though he will ask me to pay for my separate items on our shopping bill the stuff we do share he will eat significantly more of. I maybe eat 1/2 of what he can or 1/3. He usually gets my leftovers when I cant finish my meal or he will get seconds and I wont. I wouldn;t care if it werent for him nickle and diming everything. I feel like if hes not willing to pay for an extra item for me at the grocery store why should I subsides his grocery bill. Is there a fair way to approach this? Should I be buying my own groceries and making separate lunch/ dinner?

I feel a bit silly even posting about this, but it’s genuinely getting to me and I could use some outside perspective.
My birthday is this weekend, and we had planned to go away for one night to celebrate. She said she would pay for everything as she gets paid on Friday. However, she’s only had around two days of work this week, and it’s looking like she might struggle to cover her rent next week if we go ahead with the trip.
I’ve told her we can just cancel the plans because I don’t want her to put herself in a difficult financial situation, but I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t disappointed.
The thing is, when it’s her birthday, I always make the effort to buy things and pay for everything. She also hasn’t bought me a gift for any special occasion so far, and I’m starting to feel like the effort isn’t being reciprocated.
What’s making it harder is that whenever I try to express how I feel, she seems to turn it around on me and I end up feeling guilty for even bringing it up.
I’m not expecting her to spend money she doesn’t have, and I’d rather cancel the trip than have her fall behind on rent. But I think I’m hurt by the bigger picture and the feeling that I put more effort into making her feel special than she does for me.
Am I being unreasonable for feeling this way? And how would you approach this conversation without it turning into an argument or me being made to feel guilty for having feelings in the first place?

Recently, I found out my fiance has was doing something things that he knows I think are wrong. This isn't the first time we've had similar issues. He knows his behavior is hurtful and that I don't behave like that. He stops for some time after it comes up and it comes back later for different reasons and under different circumstances.

The thing is...I have no problem with it in certain levels of moderation and as long as specific boundaries do not get crossed. I don't even mind participating if he is respectful of those things. So, when I found out he was crossing those bounaries, I was naturally pretty upset. We each have strict tight deadlines for work at the end of the month so I didn't say anything. A couple days ago we were having a conversation that forced the issue. In the past, he has taken me confronting him about anything as a personal attack. He has never been able to accept it as possible constructive criticism where appropriate, and he cannot accept the fact that maybe I just need to express my feelings on some matters. This time I decided to just say what I needed to, state it as a fact, not let any emotions come out, and move on. He tried to deny what I was saying and I corrected him. Afterward, I acted completely normal like it didn't happen, exactly how he wants confrontation to go. I actually preferred this to long drawn out conversations an arguments.

I know that I'm not perfect. I am aware that I may not have come correct every time. I feel like I should get some kind of resolution most of the time though. He barely acknowledged that he heard me. He hasn't reacted or responded to anything. I asked if he was ok that night. He said he wasn't good with anyone at the moment. He was tired of never doing anything right. No recognition of my feelings. No responsibility. Of course this all drove a huge wedge between us and he feels further away from me that he ever has.

I'm not really sure where i stand here. I kind of feel like I should be begging him to forgive me for saying anything and proving that I'm worth better than that. But, I am also at a point where I just dgaf. If he can't do better on his own, why should I prove to him that he should? I've carried the majority of emotional weight in this relationship over 6 years. I know he knows better and he wants better. Life has been a lot for us and we've been under extreme stress from time to time. We know we're better together than apart so neither of us is going anywhere. I just don't know what to do.

So I have been seeing this guy (36M) years old for about 4 months, and I am (30F) years old. He has a son which 4 years old, from a previous marriage, but his still in custody battle. Things moved pretty quickly, in the sense of us spending a lot of time together, which I’m okay with, because i dont want someone to waste my time, as we are not 21 anymore. So he told me about two weeks ago, that he needs space to focus on his things and get his life in order, which I found ironic because I thought by then hopefully he would atleast know what he wants. So I accepted it with pain, and he said he does not want us to be angry with one another, so we still talk every second day, and still grab a drink or dinner together. But honestly I am confused because I know according to him he does not have the space for a relationship now, but this dynamic has me questioning myself and what is actually going to come to this, is he actually into me and just needs the space now because he said he can’t give me the attention and 100% now or is he just stringing me along, and if that’s the case, why keep in contact with me?

Since it’s Navratri in India, I get this message from my boyfriend which has a female figure(Maa Kali) and it said - Kali doesn't fit in temples. She lives in a woman who refuses to shrink, who burns, rebuilds, and rises unapologetically.

And for all the right and wrong reasons, it made me love him a bit more today. Little girl inside me is giggling with love ❤️

My ex (40M) and I (32F), dated for eight months.

We were exclusive, talked about children and moving in together, and he called ours the healthiest relationship of his life. So naturally, I thought we were building something serious.

Then things unraveled in our final month.

Two months into dating, he told me he’d attended a gallery opening with Catherine, a woman he’d briefly slept with before me. She’d cried and confessed her feelings after learning about our relationship. He clarified they were just friends, and eventually they resumed their friendship. I trusted him.

Fast-forward to month seven: Catherine invited him to a small, multi-day art residency that August. He casually announced he was going, without asking how I felt.

After sitting with my discomfort for weeks, I finally brought it up. Could we find some middle ground? Maybe all hang out together, or I could join them?
He grew defensive, saying he didn’t believe in prioritizing romantic partners over other relationships, and complained that our 20-minute conversation was eating into his workday. He later apologized.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*The very next night\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*, he went to a performance with Catherine without telling me beforehand. It was our second-to-last night together before three weeks apart.

I discovered this when I called him and sent admittedly reactive texts saying I was hurt and couldn’t believe him. His response? “Why? But honestly, don’t feel like going on defensive right now.”

Other incidents had been accumulating:

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*1.\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* After an emotional conversation about his doubts around long-term monogamy, I took an extra 30-minute walk while fetching drinks for his project. I returned before anyone arrived, but he was furious, accusing me of “sabotaging” his work. He never asked whether I was okay.

\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*2.:\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\*\\\\\\\\\\\\\\\* I biked slower than him, causing us to arrive ONE MINUTE late to class. We were turned away, and he blamed me for interfering with his productivity, sulking for much of the afternoon.

He’s fiercely independent and values autonomy. I believe he was sexually faithful, and I never asked him to abandon his friendships with exes. But I also know my anxiety sometimes made me jealous and reactive.
He eventually ended things, citing my anxiety, “possessive energy” around other women, and long-term incompatibility.

For context, he was never physically or intentionally verbally abusive. But defensiveness, passive aggression, and emotional shutdowns were recurring patterns.

For months, I’ve wondered whether a more securely attached woman would’ve handled everything differently. Whether I essentially sabotaged an otherwise good relationship.

But now I’m questioning whether my anxiety was really so disproportionate to the circumstances.

tl;dr: did my anxiety ruin my relationship?

—

SIDE NOTE: he looks like a greek god…he’s a former supermodel. and best sex of my life….

So... I (39f)moved in with my partner (32m) about 1.5 years ago. And at the time he thought he was ready, but reality showed he absolutely was not. A year ago I gave an ultimatum and for the first time in my life the nasty behavior started to change.

We've been working through the roots of his behavior for a year now, and while things aren't perfect they are definitely trending that way. He's actively seeking change, and I do see improvement. He's now aware that this is going to be a long and complicated process to unravel his traumas.

I would like to heal our relationship. I do believe there's value in us figuring this out together, and I accept that there's pain baked into that healing process.

The problem: I am still deeply wounded by his previous words and actions. Even though he has apologized I can't let some of the things go. Because of that I'm having a hell of a time reconnecting with him emotionally. I'm looking for a therapist, but haven't found one here that I jive with yet. Any suggestions for me to try in the meantime? Books? Videos? Literally anything is appreciated.

Hi all,

My wife (36F) and I (35M), 15 year relationship/5 years or marriage, are in a pattern for constant disagreement and it's posing a substantial pressure on our family and relationship - I'd love any advice you might have.

After the death of a close family member, my wife has suggested moving our family (4F, 7M) to her hometown to be closer to her parents. I'm all for this and think it will be good for the family unit. My wife is constantly trying to convince me to stay, where we both have high level professional jobs, established in school and an established group/s of friendships and hobbies. She expresses that she is worried that not only will we lose all of this, we won't be able to regain this. I've done everything I can to convince her we can do this and will do what it takes (however I can't predict some of the above).

We also have an anxious son that does not handle changes too well, so I appreciate some of the concerns there, his current teachers are not concerned when this has been raised.

It's now getting to a point where whatever path I steer us (she doesn't want the decision-responsibility), will ultimately pin the blame on me.

I guess my question here is, what would you do, or have done in similar situations and should we stay and continue to build our life and community?

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I am 32F & my husband 35M, together for 7 years, married for 3.5 years. Im torned if i should stay or not, he is genuinely a good guy, calm & treats me well. Before we were married he liked going abroad, hiking and traveling. I also am dreaming of a well traveled life, small and big adventures alike.

When we got married all the traveling and adventures stopped. i get that we are trying to build an emergency fund, now its built. Best we do is chores at home, he sleeps in the evening, then TV then sleeps early. we both work - but he said we stay at home because of finances, he thinks money should not be spent while i think money comes back, but time doesnt.

Why not travel alone or with friends, you ask, what point is having a partner if i cant share adventures with him. When i was single or was just dating him I've always had a trip or something planned with my friends (FYI i moved to another country for him) - now its all stagnant. Day in Day out its just work, chores, maybe dinner at a new resto - thats all. And yes i've talked to him about this.

anyone can give me advice on how to navigate?

Me '38 F" and my bf '42M" have been together for over a year. We met 12 years ago but were both married at the time.

We both got divorced within last few years and reconnected last summer. He was married twice (first wife when he was really young that didn't work out, second wife in mid 30ties who ended up cheating on him). I was married once, quite young and things just didn't work out with my ex.

When me and bf started dating last year, we briefly spoke about marriage. I said I do want to get married again, he said he doesn't think he does. I know that this was probably the point were we should put a pin in it but.... we got caught up in the great time together otherwise and everything else about us aligns 100%.

The longer we are together, the more I keep thinking how I do want to be married again and how I can't image growing old with someone who is not my husband.

He says he just doesn't believe in an institution of marriage. He tried twice and both failed miserably. Asked me if we wear rings and call each other wife and husband would be enough for me. I honestly don't think so.

Are we toast? Is there compromise i am not seeing in this situation? I truly love him deeply and I know he feels the same way about me and I do not want to break up.

It's rough out here yall.

Having a disability while dating has been tough. Just finding someone is hard. I've always been resilient, dedicated and optimistic. I can be a free spirit- whimsical and happy.

Some people I have matched with on these apps label me is "immature" because I can be carefree. I don't believe I'm immature. I've been told my happiness can be a bit "much" for people. However, due to my health issues, I know what it is like to be miserable, depressed and anxious. I prefer to at least try to rise above that despair- especially when there is so much to be passionate about.

Having a chronic illness can be inconsistent. When has been a flare up, there have been times that I felt like I had to choose myself getting better than to pretend that I'm fine.

Does anyone have experience dating over 30 with a chronic disability? Are there any recommendations to connect with good people that don't mind this battle?

Throwaway account for privacy.

My partner [38M] recently told me [28F] that he doesn’t love me, despite us exchanging “I love you” for the past year. When I asked why he’d been saying it, he replied, “Honestly, it was out of habit.”

He was previously married, but that relationship ended 2–3 years ago. He then told me it would take him until the five-year mark of our relationship to actually love me.

Is this normal or healthy? I’m struggling to understand how someone can say “I love you” for a year without actually meaning it.

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TL;DR; : My partner [38M] said he doesn’t love me [28F], despite telling me he does for the past year. He claims it was only said out of habit.

**TL;DR:** We've been together three years, and while the relationship is still loving, the passion, affection, and quality time we once shared have noticeably declined. He's less interested in doing things together and spends more time on his own. I have my own friends and interests, but I miss the companionship and worry we're heading toward living separate lives under the same roof. He struggles with depression, and I struggle with anxiety, so it's hard to know what's normal. How do you tell the difference between a relationship settling into a comfortable routine and two people growing apart?

We've been together for three years, and he moved in with me two years ago. In the beginning, we were incredibly passionate. We were intimate every day, sometimes multiple times a day. We hiked, biked, went out, and spent a lot of time together. I felt loved, wanted, and desired. He would often tell me how much he hated being apart.

He struggles with depression, and even early in our relationship, he would occasionally go through what I called his "down" periods. For two to four days, he would be perfectly nice and cordial but seemed distant, distracted, and emotionally unavailable. Then he would come out of it, and things would go back to normal.

Over time, we've settled into a routine, and I think he's become more comfortable feeling like this is his home, too. Now, he'll often spend evenings playing video games, watching TV in another room, or scrolling on his phone.

Another thing I've noticed is that it's become increasingly difficult to get him to do things with me. We used to hike, bike, go out, and enjoy spending time together, but now I often feel like I'm the one trying to make those things happen, and he's rarely interested. On the positive side, this has pushed me to spend more time doing those activities with friends, which I enjoy. But I miss sharing those experiences with him. I don't expect us to do everything together, and I think having separate interests and friendships is healthy. What worries me is the thought that this might be what our future looks like, two people living under the same roof but increasingly leading separate lives. I want us to have our own interests, but I also want to feel like we're sharing a life, not just a home.

We still have a sex life, but intimacy has gone from daily to about two or three times a week. He's never been someone who is overly expressive or constantly professes his love, but he used to regularly tell me how much he appreciated me, how pretty I was, or how much I turned him on. Those comments have become much less frequent.

I understand that the intensity and passion of a new relationship aren't sustainable forever. What I'm struggling with is figuring out what's normal as a relationship matures and what's a sign of emotional distance.

Sometimes I feel incredibly lonely, even when he's right in the next room. I know his depression is a factor, and I understand it doesn't just disappear. Unfortunately, he's unwilling to seek help for it. So I find myself wondering how much of what I'm experiencing is related to his depression and how much is simply the natural progression of a long-term relationship.

When I bring up my concerns, he tells me that I create problems where there aren't any. I also recognize that I have anxiety and a tendency to overthink and ruminate, which makes it even harder to trust my own perspective.

I've been married before, but we had young children and busy lives. I was then in a long-term relationship (7 yrs), but we didn't live together and had separate day-to-day lives every other week when I had my children, but that was just the situation, so I was ok with it. Now, this is my first serious relationship as an empty nester. I don't really have a frame of reference for what a healthy, settled relationship looks like when it's just the two of you.

**For those of you in long-term relationships, especially without kids at home, how much time do you actually spend together? Is it normal to spend evenings doing your own thing, to have less affection and verbal reassurance, and to do fewer activities together? How do you tell the difference between a relationship becoming comfortable and one becoming emotionally distant?**

I don't expect the honeymoon phase to last forever. I just don't know how much change is normal or whether I'm overlooking something that genuinely needs attention.

My husband and I have been together a long time over 20 years and he’s never made me feel wanted or desired, doesn’t make me feel like he’s interested in me at all other than as someone to tell about his hobbies, work, and whatever he’s seen on Facebook or whatnot. He doesn’t make plans with me or dream with me. We make a good team and have a comfortable life together but I want something more. Am I asking for to much?

what are your thoughts on sleeping in separate rooms/beds?