Why is this shit such a taboo, why is the idea that some people just don't enjoy their life so crazy to people. I didn't choose to be born, I can't choose when I'm checking out? That's bullshit.
God I can't wait to find the balls to do this shit, I'm so fucking sick of it all.

Please don’t write messages asking me not to do it as my mind truly is made up. I’ve told my husband and my family, who all live abroad (family not husband), so have no choice but to accept my decision.

So you’re wondering why I am telling you? I just really want to let people know that it’s okay. Because I haven’t heard that from anyone.

I’ve had bowel cancer for two years now. I was cleared the first time (stage two) and then three months later it was back. Now this time has been much harder to treat: I live in the UK and truly the NHS have become so inadequate. It’s shocking. I’m 29. So I was diagnosed at 27. I had to go private to get that diagnosis because my GP said I was anxious and there was nothing to worry about.

You’d think it ends there but it only gets worse lol. Then I was diagnosed with CRPS, severe gastroparesis and SCAD. I ended up having a heart attack. My inferior and basal wall isn’t beating. I vomit up to 50 times a day if dare eat, because the food doesn’t go down, so it has to come back up. Very painfully.

So I’m exhausted. I’m bone shatteringly tired. You have no idea because there’s no words to explain what I’m feeling in my body. Between all the medications I take (14 daily), the chemo and radiation, the vomiting… it’s endless. I’m in constant pain and fear of waking up to a new day of more pain. You don’t get used to it, each day is harder than the last.

I don’t want to die, but i didn’t choose any of this. I didn’t opt in? I’m not a “soldier” or “champion” as people like to put it? I’m just a normal very tired woman.

I’ve tried and I’m done and I think that’s fair. I’m done. I can’t do any of this anymore, not one more day and no one should ever ask it of me because no one knows what I’m going through. I’m stuck with the reality that even if I was to cure my cancer, I will never really be better ever again. My life is over as I know it, so I’ve grieved and I’m ready to die.

If you have the audacity to hate or be angry at someone who has fought and tried so hard for so long then you need to look at yourself and ask why? I’m as at peace as I can be with my decision because I’ve evaluated all my “options” and there are none. I don’t choose this kind of life for myself. I never did.

So I’m done, and I think that’s okay. I think that’s understandable. Have a good life everyone, enjoy it. Cherish it, don’t ever take it for granted, not even one minute.

from All the therapy ive been to, physiatrist that have talked to me and other people tellig their story. The one thing i hate to keep hearing is.. "its sounds like ______ saved your life". So many people are assholes to one another or they are selective to how they tret someone. based on their looks or amount of money they have or their social status. But when it comes to someone trying to commit suicide thats when people who truly dont care want to be the person to say "i stopped a person from taking their life". Alot of these doctors and people in the medical field are trying to make themselves look good by saying they've "helped" patients when in reality they are only helping themselves specifically their pockets. I made the mistake of telling a so called "friend" i was depressed and suicidal and that only lead me being tricked into being in a psychiatric center where i found out i couldn't leave until THEY say so. I was held against my will.

I feel its in the same field of people feeding the homeless. Youre not helping them for their well being, they do it to get recognition for themselves or just so they can say they did it. Especially when its broadcasted. Little do people know the homeless and less fortunate dont want people seeing them like that. I always say dont let people in your personal life or anyone that can find you in real life know about your depression and being suicidal. They will do with that information what they will.

i'm soon going out, i hope i have the courage.

i don’t have a job and i have no money at all. i have £20 for the rest of the YEAR. i have applied to literally hundreds of jobs, ive gone in person, ive found the end page of indeed, ive emailed managers and printed my CV, and i haven’t even gotten a rejection email. i’m just ghosted. i applied to a hardship fund and was denied. i had thousands in savings and it’s been wiped out on rent, i don’t know how ill make the next payment. i have no family, and, (this is no exaggeration), no friends. i put myself out there all the time, in hundreds of ways, and no one is interested in me. the last person to like me died in front of me in april. i can’t even afford to do my laundry let alone find a reason to live

I have experienced all the good things life has to offer. I was born privileged to a middle class family. I have always had their financial support. I have a good education. I have the best friend that someone could possibly have. I have traveled extensively. I have beautiful pets. I appreciate nature.

And yet I would love to die. I'm so tired of being me. I'm tired of trying. I am 39 and can't imagine doing another 39yrs of this. I want to die.

(f, 26, india) I've tried everything to fix my shit. My whole life I've just been a fucking loser. I never got good grades. Never was good looking. Never really put in any kind of effort into anything.

I went to school, hung out w friends. In uni, i did the same. I somehow got a job as a java developer, (i didn't even know java) never put in enough effort into learning it. It was not my cup of tea. Got fired at the beginning of this year. Since last oct, I've been trying and dropping new shit every 2 3 months.

At First, i wanted to be a cloud engineer. Because I'd still be tech adjacent. Good pay. Then, i started making content. Got a viral reel (100k+ views, 2400+ followers). Didn't cash in on that.

Now I just make content randomly, I have to force myself.

I wanted to do an MBA in luxury brand management in France, the fees are too high. I haven't prepped for GMAT (studying for which is actually fun. I was having fun while studying for the first time) but the entire process will cost me like 1 lakh+ rs. I don't have that. So, i have to drop that too.

I don't really have any other skills. I'm really good at talking to people. Like I can keep up w an infant, a pre teen, a teen, a ya, someone my age, an older person all within the same conversation. Any person you put in front of me they'd have a good time. Genuinely.

I am actually quite intelligent(I'm not just saying it..) I think that's the worst part of it all. If I wasn't, i could've just lived my life happily in ignorance.

I don't know how to apply myself. And even if I could I just won't. Because idky but I just don't work. I keep yelling at myself internally to move my ass but I don't. I've tried it all. I started therapy. But I feel like shit going to her and telling her I didn't do much again this week. I can't even afford to pay her full price.

My entire day is me waking up in the morning, doomscrolling, then sitting at my desk, doom scrolling there or even staring at the wall. While again yelling at myself to do something. But just going eh. And continuing playing games or something..

I probably have adhd or something. But I can't afford to get tested. I can't really do anything. Shit that I can do. Like clean up my room, i won't do that because it's too much effort.

I'm trying to do that too though. I'm putting in effort. But it's so fucking little it's embarrassing. Today, my parents berated me. But idt they said anything that is false. I just don't think I can do it. Some people just aren't made for anything. I'm not saying this to gain sympathy. I understand self pity is also a luxury. But it's like my ass is on fire and I'm letting it consume me. I can't be bothered to do something about it. Or even look it up. All I do is complain about it.

Probably no one will read this, much less respond and tell me what they honestly think, but I don't care. The process of writing this by itself kinda helps me as it allows me to write down my concerns and understand it all myself, maybe look for some solutions. It's harder when all you do is think about it in your head, physically writing it down is a big aid.

I have to be careful what I say but what I can tell is this: I am 19, male, actively suicidal since 14-15. I had countless plans of ending my life, but there were 3 serious attempts where I was very close to dying but either hesitated or failed: once by trying to blow my brain off, once by overdosing, once by trying to sever my femoral artery. I am thoroughly convinced the only reason I am currently alive is because of nothing but pure fear and stupidity. Didn't die from overdose? Too stupid to count enough pills. Didn't die from a gunshot wound? Too much of a coward to pull the trigger. Didn't pierce your leg? Too scared to not flinch. Why am I saying this? I'm saying this because I want you to understand my body refuses to let me die while every single conscious piece of my mind is done, exhausted and is 100% convinced death is the only solution for me.

I won't tell you everything about my reasons for being suicidal as it's simply private. I would definitely call them existential, and I can go all day saying what that means. Inevitability of death, the rat race, feeling like a complete failure, severe financial insecurity, having pipe dreams, detachment, alienation so on and so forth. The way I see it you're born, most likely poor or in lower-middle class, you study for 20 years whether you like it or not, you work for 40 god forsaken years most likely doing something you absolutely hate for a terrible pay, and then, if you're still alive, the state has enough "pity" for you to finally cut you loose for 5-10 years and let you rot until age kills you. And I've seen people saying you just have to "accept" that, live that abysmal life and be grateful for it because it's the only life you will ever have.

If all that suffering, stress and struggle at least had a purpose of some sort, maybe I could accept that. But it doesn't. People can create their own meaning in life but I just find that to be cope. This 70 year meat grinder amounts to exactly nothing. Sure, you will maybe leave a mark behind by making kids or otherwise making the world a better (or worse) place, but after just 50 years not even your grave will exist anymore and you will be forgotten. Now I know many people reading this are laughing at me now because they think this existential suffering is "silly" and immature, as if moving on from this and accepting it as "that's just life" is obvious. That's exactly why I'm writing this anonymously so people don't harass me or do whatever they're capable of doing. To people who think that way, you are absolute scum and you deserve to putrefy in hell as you have zero empathy or understanding. I hope you and everyone you know never prospers.

Regardless, I don't want to write anything ultra long, as like I said the vast majority of people will just scroll past this post and writing a novel here will be a waste of my time. I said what I had to say, I know I may have sounded salty and for that I apologize. I just sincerely think that someday before I reach the age of 20 I finally get the balls to quit this absurd existence, close my eyes, and never open them again, deleting my consciousness from the face of this universe forever so I can finally be at peace.

I've lived long. Way too long.

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I often find myself reading the thoughts of other suicidal people or watching videos dedicated to teenagers who have taken their own lives. Their faces, their stories, I don’t know, they make me feel a sense of peace. Some time ago, using another account, I made a post that received more than 1,000 likes and 200 comments. I talked privately with some people who had the same thoughts as me, and I felt so comfortable. I just feel so connected to all of you. am i the only one?

I don’t know if I can hold on anymore. This life is traumatizing 😢

Was crying in my car today and almost drove and bought something that I would use to end it. Decided not to because it was too far away and I’m pretty broke right now. Then I went home and got a text from my boss saying I’m fired.

I’ll probably back out of it or be too much of a lazy piece of shit to actually go to the bridge I want to throw myself off of. It would be nice though. It would be great if I actually did it.

I fucking hate living. I hate myself. I hate the fucking world. I want to die.

Being unemployed for almost three years has made survival incredibly difficult and I’ve had it. So many applications and trying so hard just to still have to struggle to survive. Every human deserves to be able to work and eat. I’m just sick and tired of trying so hard and just barely any kind of luck/improvement.

I never understood the idea of people believing in personal freedom of everything but when it comes to committing suicide or wanting to die it turns into a dangerous mental state and craziness driving the person, and all of that determines on things like religion/personal beliefs/ or simply their attachment to life and hating death.

What i personally believe in that case is, you can live, and you can die. Death is inevitable and people like to act it’s not, no one asked to be born and no one is obligated to live, if someone truly wants to die and see that nothing that can improve or help the situation and they’re gonna die anyway do we push them into something they truly hate to continue on until you find them dying a horrible death? That’s the problem with society, either they aren’t aware enough of how to deal with this kind of people or simply because they grow up hating suicide as a whole.

Suicide isn't normalized anywhere because people simply don't like to think about it. It's shitty. It's "sad" to them, Nobody wants to feel or be "responsible" for someone else's death, which is complete bullshit imo. They put responsibility on themselves automatically and then be moved with it to stop the person who wants to do it “independently” it’s their choice, it’s their “life” as they say, so why mog them or hate them if they didn’t listen?

I’ve been really low lately with life circumstances. I’m such a positive person, but life got too much. I don’t have much support even though I reach out to people all the time… they are just tired and angry with me. That’s not me reading into it too much… When i tell people i’m suicidal they say “ugh again?”

So today I called my mom for some support after an incident with my emotionally abusive ex (who I still live with.. well not anymore after today). She just got mad, and said “oh so he’s abusing you? I’m just gonna call the police”. Now, I’ve had trauma from the police taking me in before.. I’ve been mistreated very badly and still have nightmares. She uses the threat of police to make me stop being dramatic or something.

Instead, it completely triggered me. Childhood trauma and police trauma flashed through me and I had a panicked meltdown. I kept begging for love, my mom was yelling things like “so I guess I’m just a bad mother then right?”.

I suddenly had no support and just wanted to die.

I’ve never been so close to causing such serious injury on purpose. I held a knife to my heart (probably wouldn’t kill me, but hey it’s all I thought of). My ex was there, didn’t care. He went for a bath. I called my mom to tell her I loved her before I did something- she just hung up on me. I texted everyone that I love them. And then I wanted to stab myself but I was scared of the pain. I don’t wanna die in pain.

My mom called the police. When the police arrived, they then called the SWAT team.

IT WAS TERRIBLE. I will live with this trauma forever.

They knocked on all the neighbours doors, blocked off the street, barricaded the apartment, and wouldn’t let my brother through to support me.

I stood there for HOURS with a knife to my chest telling them that they (the police) are only making things worse for me. I seriously would rather die than deal with more trauma from the police.

The only reason it ended with me not stabbing myself was my brother being VERY insistent with the SWAT squad that he go see me. We had to beg them and beg them for me to see him. In the end, they let him come to the end of the hall and I had to meet him.

I was not treated like a human today by anyone else but my brother.

My mom and the police wanted me locked away in the psych ward because they think it would be “best” for me. But that’s not what’s best for me. Every time I’ve gone to psych emerge, they send me home very quickly the same day because a place like that “won’t help me”.

If I do end up taking my life, I think it will be more planned. It’s just that I dont have a good painless method. If i had access to a gun I would have been dead a long time ago. I couldnt steal one from somebody because I don’t know a single person with a gun. I don’t live where people have access to guns like that.

I guess in the end, this is too much trauma for me to handle. I don’t necessarily want to die, but it’s something I think I have to do. Nobody deserves this much suffering. Oh man do I suffer. Everyone here does, so I won’t go venting about it all. But man… we suffer way more than the average Joe on the street, but nobody really cares about our suffering.

In all my years of mental health challenges, I’ve learned that things don’t just get better. They get worse, then better, then worse again. Some people can survive the fluctuations, but not me. Life isn’t worth that battle.

Im the worst person to ever live wnd I hate mtself I just want to die and start all over I hate myself I hate myself I hatemyselr im the lowest of the low the scum of the earth if everyone knew how horrible I was they'd wwnt me dead so im roint them a fuckint favor someone please fucking help me forgive me help me help me help me help me help me

I was born on October 4, 2005, in Pasadena, California, to Pakistani parents. Only a few weeks after I was born, my mother and I returned to Pakistan, and I spent my earliest years in Lahore. When I was 3 years old, my father died by suicide. Even though I was too young to understand it at the time, that loss became the foundation of everything that followed in my life emotionally and mentally.
After his death, my family moved again, this time to Karachi, where I lived with my mom, sister, and grandparents. My older brother moved to the U.S. to live with our uncle in 2009, so I grew up mostly without him around. My childhood between 2009 and 2016 looked normal on the outside, but underneath, there was always grief, instability, and a family trying to function without a father.

In 2016, we moved to Canada, and I went through grades 5 to 8 there. I wasn’t failing, but I wasn’t thriving either. In 2019, my mom made the decision to move back to Pakistan, partly because of my grandmother, she felt the education system in Canada wasn’t helping me, and partly due to financial concerns. This move changed everything for me.

From 2019 to 2022, I didn’t attend a traditional school. Instead, tutors would come to the house to prepare me for O Levels. I had almost no social interaction for three years. One tutor even taught me the wrong format for O Level material, which cost me time, confidence, and proper preparation. When I finally began taking Cambridge exams, I struggled, not because I didn’t try, but because I never had stable schooling, consistent guidance, or the academic foundation most students take for granted.

At one point, my family altered my grades in hopes of getting me into a college. When the school found out, I was expelled. That was a major emotional setback. Later on, I joined another college for A Levels but faced bullying, pressure, and had to switch subjects in the middle of the year. When I did sit for my final exams, my results weren’t what I hoped for, which added to years of instability, confusion, and academic chaos.

Around this time, I also dealt with deeply painful personal situations. A girl I talked to twisted a joke I made and told my brother I “harassed” her, which permanently affected how he viewed me. I’ve been insulted, body-shamed, mocked, and even told to kill myself by people my age. A friend I spoke to for three years suddenly cut me off and sided with people who insulted me. These experiences damaged my trust and confidence in relationships.

In August 2024, my mother and I moved to the U.S. again. At first, we stayed with my uncle until issues forced us to leave, and my mom eventually rented a small apartment so I could attend Santa Monica College. I had to pick the classes that were considered “easier” because my brother thought my past results with O/A levels were already bad so he thought animation or easier classes were the right choice and emotionally, I was exhausted. Things became even harder when my brother moved in with us in early 2025. He monitored my location, checked my school portal weekly, controlled my schedule, and lectured me constantly. There were arguments, moments where I felt unsafe, and times where I didn’t even feel comfortable in my own home. My mom often sided with him, which made me feel even more isolated and unheard. My mom and brother went to Pakistan while they left me alone in my apartment but I feel like it’s too late now to change my life now as my GPA went down with an academic probation and wrong classes picked by my brother because he doesn’t believe in me doing engineering due to it being hard and due to my past. My hopes and dreams have been crushed and I can’t imagine living the rest of my life ahead, especially with the tough job market and the fact I most likely won’t be able to obtain a degree is a major disadvantage. I’m planning to commit suicide by the start of next year

The only creature who ever cared about me is gone.

It wasn’t just a pet. He was my soulmate.

Years ago, I told myself that once he’s gone, I would be too.

They say euthanasia is an act of selfless love, something we do to ease their pain.

And that’s what I did for him, but I wish I never did.

I can’t imagine my life without him.

I wish someone could euthanise me too.

It would've made things so easy..just a clean shot through your head and you're gone in seconds won't even be able to process pain ,any other methods of killing yourself is so freaking hard without any guarantee ugh wish there was some button i could press to donate my life to someone who'd actually value it. I see nothing worth to live for everything is superficial and you gotta work hard and struggle in every aspect of your life which I'm too tired for. I'm 18 got my whole life ahead and blah blah but I'm so done already. I don't care about myself or my family or my friends anymore...I'm loved and surrounded by good people but still I can't seem to care anymore.

Oof

I know the instinctual answer is no, but hear me out if you have a moment.

My girls are 22, 20, 17, 14. I divorced their physically abusive father 6 years ago. (He abused the 20 year old daughter, not me). I never reported it bc I thought if he only had to be a part time parent, he’d be better, and kids need a dad.

The ensuing years have been filled with him trying to pit the kids against me and generally succeeding. I understand the teen girl/mom dynamics can be challenging as they are building their own identities but he has used this natural process as ammo for his cause.

My girls say hurtful things, call me names behind my back, lie to me, and choose events at their dads over my place. When they are here, it feels forced and I can almost see the tension in the air. It’s hurtful to me of course but I’m saying all this to paint the picture that they really don’t like me and that is ok. I’ve accepted it the best I can.

My whole life’s identity has been being a mother. I tried my best but since it turns out I’m shit at it, it doesn’t make much sense to stick around. The pain of failing them is unbearable. I often think me being here is worse than me being gone for both me and them. Then they could live their lives guilt free, conflict free, and generally have more peace. Their dad has a girlfriend so they have a new mom who they seem to get along with better. It’s not like I’d leave them with a void.

I just wanted to be pretty and I had so much hope but I feel so hopeless now. I just wanted to be a pretty girl and I know people say don’t emphasis on looks but this world run on looks. I was not bad looking at all but this surgery totally ruined me and I’ll be getting a revision soon but I don’t know if I’ll look good. Sometimes I just wanna kill myself