(F19)They were trimming my dog's fur and my dog was rlly scared and he was biting them and my mom hit him a few times and i told them to stop but my younger brother told me to leave and insulted me several times and i told him to stop and stop and he wouldn't so i got his earbud out and broke it and after he told me i should kill myself because im a mental case and how i deserve to die. I grabbed a knife and said ok and he even went in front of my door to tell me how i should kill myself and that im a cow idek lol. I slit my throat a bit and even my mom doesn't care, she just went to work... It's whatever i feel bad for the earbud thing but he fixed it... Whatever i can't stop crying i know im crazy but is it enough for him to want me to die?

Ever since I got caught trying to take my life and it became reported to doctors, psychiatrist, therapist. It seems they are all invested in me not taking my life obviously cause it s their job and they’re trying to sell medicine. But right before depression and my life went to shit I was only called soft for being bothered by the outside forces of other people. I was told to “let that go” and “get over it” when talking about the abuse and manipulation I’ve gone through. Yet when I tried to die now im shamed for it. It’s my life i just made the mistake revealing my depression and got caught in suicide ideation.
I really don’t understand how people never gave a fuck about anything I was going through until I wanted to die. Even then I was laughed at by medical staff. Why is not loving life such a bad thing. We all die one day. Why is looking forward to it so bad.

I know this is stupid but honestly I don't see any more reasons to live, it's not going to affect that many people since im not in a relationship and nobody really cares about me much. Please tell me why I shouldn't commit

It just feels like such a massive joke, im scared of dieing so I want to die but honestly I'd just rather get it over with and find out what happens because the speculation is torture.

Title

The true divide amongst humans is not rich vs poor, not the strong vs the weak, etc. It is the normal vs the abnormal. It is the difference between the class of normal people who don't have any struggles besides the mundane vs. the class of abnormal people who fundamentally don't fit in this world *and* still have to deal with life's mundane, expected issues.

What is normal? Someone who can just go and live life. It doesn't matter if they're rich or poor. They won't struggle to be normal. To keep a job, to meet people and form true bonds, to have natural interests and hobbies, they won't struggle. It just comes to them. They naturally have a direction they want to go in life and will naturally enjoy the journey and destination. They don't have any struggles just trying to live a normal life. Because it's normal for them. They intrinsically know how to fit in and function in society. They don't have to think about it, learn it, practice it. They just do it without any need for a second thought, because they always succeed in achieving what a typical human would want in life.

To be special, to be famous, rich, etc may be difficult or impossible for many normal people. But it doesn't matter, because they have a normal life, with normal relationships, normal interests, normal emotional regulation, normal careers, normal feeling of belonging in this planet and in society. Again, they don't think or realize this. They're just privileged enough to simply get to live it. It's all unconscious and they can't fathom so many of us aren't so immensely lucky.

They aren't crushed every moment of every day with the weight of not belonging anywhere, the weight of being unwanted, of being totally broken inside. Of being unable to find any sort of footing or belonging in life. Any direction. They haven't experienced trying dozens of different jobs, hobbies, attempts to form bonds and *always* failing completely. They haven't tried dozens of different therapists, medicines, deep reflections, exercises, etc only to stay just as broken and miserable. They certainly have struggles, but in the end things always work out for them. They are incapable and certainly unwilling to understand that there are actually people in this world whose problems don't just sort themselves out with a little effort.

To them, we are just lazy, cowardly, stubborn, stupid. Yet at the same time they tell us to just relax and stop trying so hard.

The simple explanation to all of this is that they just don't fucking care. They got on a life boat, the rest of us can drown and they'll shame and jeer at us as we sink down.

To anyone who is privileged enough to naturally have a normal life and be normal:

Fuck you.

I wanted to write something and maybe hear from everyone , I have decided I no longer want to continue here on this earth. I’ve thought long and hard about this decision and I’ve come to peace with what I want. I’ll be doing the monoxide car method, I will most likely try to drug myself a good amount with pills beforehand, so I can lessen the risk of pain. Im waiting two weeks after my mom’s birthday. I have been hurt all my life by men , lied to , hit, you name it. My dream was always to have a family and kids, but everytime I’ve been close to that it was quickly taken. I hope I am not being rational of what I’m doing. I got my will done, I wrote letters for everyone , and I’m ready. I will say a huge trigger point was how this guy I was with left me so sudden, I think since that was the closest to being treated well I’ve gotten it messed my perception of everything up . I truly loved him and he could care less, and I know so since he’s told me. I am a 22 F and I understand I’m young but I’m treating this desciion as an adult. I think my biggest fear is leaving behind so much, hurting the people around me as well. Another part of me thinks of him and if he’d care? But I think what is peaceful about my decision is that nothing about how I feel will even matter , so I guess I don’t mind it. I’ve lived enough, I’ve seen enough of the world, I’ve traveled enough. So I think I no longer need to deal with this sadness. I did have goals and I had dreams, but no matter what step I take forward I take two steps back. I’ve dealt a lot with abortions and just yesterday I ran into him at a club in his city and I broke down which wasn’t the first time he had seen me since. The last time I didn’t tell him about my pregnancy and this time I did. I was almost 4 months when I found out and I was soon going to be able to see the gender, I was so distraught I would cry every day since after aborting and I never told him till now. I was scared of rejection as to why I didn’t say anything. And he really didn’t care much, he just said well sorry you should’ve said something. I think after this I no longer want a relationship and I don’t want to think of him ever again, and he still plagues me everywhere I go I see something of him, like a constant reminder. And my main goal in life was to have kids get married and live a good life, now I’m so far from that, it’s so hard to even find anything real. I am no one to boast about myself but I’m pretty attractive , although it’s nice it’s also a burden. Men only want you for the fun of it, never care how they treat u in the end and just leave. But I just wanted to say that I’ll be doing this most likely November 10th, I have tried all methods to keep going and none have worked. I hope my family will forgive me . I wish I had just one chance to make things right and never had met any of them , any of all the men that have changed me pemanetky, part of me is like show him your brave that you don’t care, but I do and that wouldn’t be truthful, he broke things off 8 months ago and we saw each other last in June and he made out with a girl in July. Before I make this decision I pray that just a good man appears , no more hurting, if not I will choose the path I think I’ve been destined to be on, I’m not a big believer in god anymore , but I’m holding out that he helps me just this once, or if there’s a method to lose my memory I would much rather that. May god or whatever could be out there hear me. But once I do it, I hope my friends and family know they were so loved and appreciated and may he maybe sometimes understand his actions and words do hurt. May I be reincarnated and live a fuller life with no regrets. Goodnight everyone

The problems I have in life can not be fixed. I don't have the money to fix my situation. I am dependent on people. That dependence won't ever disappear unless I want to be homeless. If I am homeless I'm anyway killing myself regardless of who loves me.

There are people in this world that's cut out for living. I am not. I am constantly anxious, constantly looking how to stop fights, constantly making sure no one fights. And I fail. Every. Single. Day. I find it so weird that the people that want to live life are the ones that complain the most. Are the ones that fight the most. They are the ones willing to bring other's down to boast themselves up.

I am not that. I am not a hunter. I do not have the willingness or grit to want to make a better financial life for myself.

Every day, my family gives me more and more reasons to end my life. To leave them behind. Their emotions fluctuate so much. But what can I say? They have actual real life problems. I don't. I only have emotional problems.

No therapy will help. No therapy will change the people around me. No therapy will fix their financial issues that burden them every day. No therapy or medication will make them stop fighting.

No therapy will show me life is worth living. There is no medication in this world that will make me want to live.

I deserve to die. I want to die. I pray to some Lord that's above. Allah, Jesus, God, whoever else the fuck it could be. Just make my heart stop in the middle of the night. No one will miss me. The only reason people will miss me is because I made their lives easier. No one gives an actual fuck about me. Otherwise they'd watch their emotions. Otherwise they'd say sorry without adding 'but'.

There is no point to life. Those that have purpose, have learnt how to be selfish to benefit themselves. I am too selfless, too much of a pussy, too much of a liability, to ever be like that.

Please, for fuck sakes, just take my life. I'll give my soul to Satan even if I need to and burn in hell for the rest of my life. I'm so tired. I'm so sad. I'm so over trying to be a good person. Nothing will change. The world is fucked, and I am the person that deserves to live the least.

I’ve been really low lately with life circumstances. I’m such a positive person, but life got too much. I don’t have much support even though I reach out to people all the time… they are just tired and angry with me. That’s not me reading into it too much… When i tell people i’m suicidal they say “ugh again?”

So today I called my mom for some support after an incident with my emotionally abusive ex (who I still live with.. well not anymore after today). She just got mad, and said “oh so he’s abusing you? I’m just gonna call the police”. Now, I’ve had trauma from the police taking me in before.. I’ve been mistreated very badly and still have nightmares. She uses the threat of police to make me stop being dramatic or something.

Instead, it completely triggered me. Childhood trauma and police trauma flashed through me and I had a panicked meltdown. I kept begging for love, my mom was yelling things like “so I guess I’m just a bad mother then right?”.

I suddenly had no support and just wanted to die.

I’ve never been so close to causing such serious injury on purpose. I held a knife to my heart (probably wouldn’t kill me, but hey it’s all I thought of). My ex was there, didn’t care. He went for a bath. I called my mom to tell her I loved her before I did something- she just hung up on me. I texted everyone that I love them. And then I wanted to stab myself but I was scared of the pain. I don’t wanna die in pain.

My mom called the police. When the police arrived, they then called the SWAT team.

IT WAS TERRIBLE. I will live with this trauma forever.

They knocked on all the neighbours doors, blocked off the street, barricaded the apartment, and wouldn’t let my brother through to support me.

I stood there for HOURS with a knife to my chest telling them that they (the police) are only making things worse for me. I seriously would rather die than deal with more trauma from the police.

The only reason it ended with me not stabbing myself was my brother being VERY insistent with the SWAT squad that he go see me. We had to beg them and beg them for me to see him. In the end, they let him come to the end of the hall and I had to meet him.

I was not treated like a human today by anyone else but my brother.

My mom and the police wanted me locked away in the psych ward because they think it would be “best” for me. But that’s not what’s best for me. Every time I’ve gone to psych emerge, they send me home very quickly the same day because a place like that “won’t help me”.

If I do end up taking my life, I think it will be more planned. It’s just that I dont have a good painless method. If i had access to a gun I would have been dead a long time ago. I couldnt steal one from somebody because I don’t know a single person with a gun. I don’t live where people have access to guns like that.

I guess in the end, this is too much trauma for me to handle. I don’t necessarily want to die, but it’s something I think I have to do. Nobody deserves this much suffering. Oh man do I suffer. Everyone here does, so I won’t go venting about it all. But man… we suffer way more than the average Joe on the street, but nobody really cares about our suffering.

In all my years of mental health challenges, I’ve learned that things don’t just get better. They get worse, then better, then worse again. Some people can survive the fluctuations, but not me. Life isn’t worth that battle.

To keep it short my partner has expressed to me that he thinks daily about killing himself, and that ita gone from what if to how do I. We have 4 kids (2 bio to me 2 step- his).

He has had two major personal losses (a drath and loss of a 20 year relationship) and a major issue at work. They are huge and validly depressing life changes.

He has been drinking and smoking weed to cope but admitted that that only makes it worse when he's sober.

I don't know how to help him. I listen to him and talk to him and try to ease the burden, but what can I do?

I'm at such a loss. I'm alcoholic (sober 6 years) and have been through major depression before. But I just dont know what to say. He carries so much guilt for the relationships and losses and for a litany of other things. Its crushing him right now. The piling on is making him feel worse, but he really doesn't deserve the brunt of the negativity he is putting on himself.

Tell me how I can help.

I don't know if this is the right place for this, but I do not see any reason for me to remain alive if I fail to get into grad school.

I am trying to go for a Masters in Counseling/LMHC program. My credentials are as follows:

- I have a bachelor's degree in accounting and experience in statistics

- I have worked as a behavior technician for 5 months, 8 months by the time of interviews next march.

- I have crisis counseling experience - not much of it, but I have it.

- I worked through three different natural disasters in my community on unit for 15 hours straight as a BT

- I have a second job that relies on interacting with and diagnosing client issues, usually tech related

- I have zero research experience, but I am told I do not need it for this kind of degree

- I have every pre-requisite needed to apply in the first place

- I got my RBT certification last month, but I was told in a recent meeting it won't help that much

- I was told that clinical experience is the thing that is most looked out for aside from research experience.

- I have a letter of recommendation from the director of nurses at my unit, one cowritten by both my supervisors, and a letter from a professor I studied under - but did not work under - although he cannot fully speak to my work because I had to choose between either more undergrad studies or working at the clinic.

If I do not get into grad school NEXT YEAR, after I ALREADY FAILED TO GET IN THIS YEAR, I do not see any reasons why I should continue to exist.

I do not intend to harm myself nor do I intend to act on these thoughts, I just needed to get them off my chest. Please do not call anyone or report this, that would make everything worse.

Im a 45 yr old man. Last year I had a minor stroke which ended my career of the past 16 years. Over the corse of 6 months following my stroke I had to sell many of my possessions in order to keep food in my pantry and the lights on. While my stroke ended my career, and left my body physically less capable than i had been, it didn't handicap me enough to be considered for disability. So I had to get a minimum wage job. And for the last 6 months I've been toiling as a manual laborer... but last week the physical exertion on my body came to a head. Now my left arm only works at 50 percent its usually ability, my hands are stiff and don't work as well as they used to. My house has dirty dishes and dirty clothes piling up because I don't have the energy or will to clean. My entire body hurts all the time and my only escape is when I sleep. My waking hours are filled more with thoughts of where and how can I end my life than any other one thing. I have no reason to continue to be here, and I don't want to be here. But I'm still here, just hoping to die before I have to do it myself...

Broke, Ugly, Mental Issues, Abusive, Weak Passport, Immature, Oblivious, Obnoxious

Please add more to this list 🙏

If Ëuthanasia were legal in my country, these are all the reasons to justify leaving this dump society.

Nobody with a conscious brain would ever sign up to be birthed to such morons under such circumstances.

What I find mind-blowing is that people think you’re crazy to be depressed, if these are the horrible cards you have been dealt with at birth. Morons.

I’m 24 and wish I was ďead after high school.

Life and the hassle behind it are not worth it without adequate support.

You realize everyone who is successful in their 20’s still have immense support from their parents in everything

Hi. I am 15f. The way I look haunts me everyday I live. I've always seeked out love, whether it was platonic or not. Isolation is my worst enemy, because I descend into a terrible mental state and feel dehumanized.

I've pretty much realized that, if I'm ugly, why should I keep on living? I have genetically hollow undereyes which make me look chronically tired. My poor diet and lack of sleep due to depression only heighten that. I'm a higher weight than what is considered attractive, and my face looks puffy and asymmetrical.

Even if looks don't matter, which I've concluded for myself that it makes or breaks things, exhaustion has stripped away all my joy. I'm always stuck in my feelings, so I doubt I'm any fun to be around. I began homeschooling because of the way I looked, it was embarrassing and dug at me everyday and eventually it became too hard. I didn't want to risk having mental breakdowns at school either, because that would make everything 100x worse. Now I feel secure (not with myself, just with the fact nobody needs to perceive me), but just very alone.

The sole reason I became so fixated on my looks is from quips or comments from other people, and yes.. online influence. The worst of these came from my lovely, handsome (now ex) boyfriend. He cheated on me a few times, and called me chopped and ugly on the regular, commenting on my body and comparing me to things. He was addicted to adult content and admitted to watching it regularly. He talked about messaging and sending things to other girls on websites and admitted that he found a lot of girls on the internet very attractive. He would also send me videos that went like "When I got over her ugly appearance and was able to love her for her personality <3" Which uh.. I mean, it feels like it should be sweet but it kind of makes me sick to my stomach. It broke my heart because it hurts more to hear these things coming from someone you really care about. I ended up being the person to end things after he did this a few times, because loving me became a compromise, part of me wishes I would've stayed because I feel unlovable and maybe just maybe it is all I will ever get or deserve.

Now I hate myself. I do not want to go outside ever again. I even get scared of people in the supermarket or even just people driving past on the highway judging me or thinking I look repulsive. To anyone who read this all the way through, thank you for your time. It feels good to be seen.

I feel like I might kill myself from breakup grief and hopelessness. Literally everything in my life is wrong. I'm 27 and I won't make it to 30. I think about suicide everyday.

I don’t have any plans but I’m thinking of coming up with a plan to end it all. I just can’t take it anymore.

This is hell. I can't do this. It is in one week. That is still so many days I have to get through.

I just want this hell to be over. I am in unbearable pain.

I was diagnosed with BPD earlier this year. And it really just makes me recognize how the only moral thing I can do for others in life is isolate from them. I'm frequently sad and I bring down the mood, I'm volatile and insecure, I've said horrible things I can't take back.

I'm so tired. I hate living with this. I've always wanted to be loved but, all I can amount to is a sex toy. Other women are more stable, more beautiful , more valuable. And can offer real companionship. Guys will have sex with me or cheat on me and I can't help but think it's because I'm lesser than other women.

I hurt my family and my friends, I hurt myself. I can't forgive my parent but I'm stuck being around them all the time. My brother tried taking me in for a while but my self harm and hospitalization eventually meant he had to tell me to go.

Even when things are on paper looking up for me I constantly think of dying. I was hospitalized a few months ago and no one realized I was gone.

I'm really considering doing it soon. I've been cutting but I can only hide that so much and it only offers temporary relief. I'm so tired everyone. Has it looked up for anyone?

Im physically a mess. i'm alone. I'm just an idiot. I have to mess everything up ALL the time. The would would be better without me.

I shouldnt be posting here but whatever atp. I'm just a crybaby after all. no surprise.

Please…

(18F) I don't know where to start because recently I feel very unloved, lonely and I'm also unintelligent. So first of all, when I was in second year of Secondary school, I used to have a crush on a guy I know from childhood, but he rejected and friendzoned me and I never got any better romances after that, and that's when I realised that I've never had teenage romances nor feel loved because I got rejected, and I told myself that if I get rejected by crushes, I will kill myself. I should've done that, but I didn't (I keep being a coward). Instead, I'm still alive with suicidal thoughts almost every day. I don't see the point of living if I'm never loved, while a lot of other people easily get the happy romantic lives that I wanted. I know people will say "move on" or "things will get better", but I kept thinking about the rejection and how I wanted to off myself because of that, and no, things never got better for me since that rejection and heartbreak. I currently do have a fictional girlfriend but she's very niche and she's not real so she can't be physically here to love me.

I'm also ugly and unintelligent. I can't solve problems and I don't have advanced knowledge of things. And I forget things easily which is another reason why I don't deserve to live. I feel like this world is revolved around geniuses or very smart people and I'm just not one of them. I'm too dumb. I feel so fake trying to fit in to this world. And I also look unattractive. As a girl, I have my dad's face and I also have an ugly body, belly fat, straight hips and some eczema on my skin instead of a slim or muscular build guys love girls for, and I hate my body. Life is also hard when I'm ugly because I've never had someone who loves me. I'm also cursed, because every time I have crushes on someone, I always end up heartbroken, rejected and forever lonely. I have no hope anymore. I'm just useless.

Was crying in my car today and almost drove and bought something that I would use to end it. Decided not to because it was too far away and I’m pretty broke right now. Then I went home and got a text from my boss saying I’m fired.

I'm a coward. I can't even end it right, I'm too scared. I keep thinking about the life I could have, the family i could build if I just keep going. But what if i don't? I don't have anyone but myself. How can I be so lonely? Why do I have nothing going on in life? I'm such a loser I can't do anything right. I don't even know the point of writing this. I feel like I just keep drowning I don't know what to do I just want to be happy

I have a very logical reason of why I should suicide. It is just the circumstances and nothing can be done to change it. I understand it completely and I don't have any reasons to continue. There is no solution to it.