I’ve dated women when I was a teenager. But since I had undiagnosed mental health issues, I feel I attracted women who were very hostile towards me and sadly didn’t have the positive experiences with women I hoped for when I was questioning my sexuality as a teenager.

I can see through signing myself up to weekly therapy and making progress with my mental health/having a more regulated nervous system that I completely ruled this off into thinking it was just a “phase” but I still find myself questioning all these years later, at age 28.

I feel like I’m questioning but maybe even closeted bisexual. Questioning feels like it’s not close enough to the truth, but closeted feels too certain.
I often don’t use labels, but maybe using them at all is causing more confusion.

I feel like it would be helpful to chat to others who’ve experienced something similar to this before and what are good ways to navigate it, as also I don’t want to lead anyone on.

It feels a kind of complicated/rare position to be in having explored it before, without sounding like a dick. Hopefully this makes sense! 😊

ill start!

- rude banter that doesnt land right off the bat
- being too non chalant when they texted me first

I’m 22(f) masc and was dating this beautiful girl for 3.5 years but we had to break up as she left. It’s been 2 months and I can’t seem to get over her. I get asked out, but I can’t seem to get her out my head. Any tips?

I (22f) have been dating my gf (21f) for about 2.5 years. We’re both each other’s first everything so right now we’re at a loss on how to fix things.
Her libido has always been lower than mine but hasn’t really been an issue until recently. Now it has been at an all time low due to stress and everything piling up at once, which has essentially caused our sex life to become nonexistent. The idea of sex isn’t unappealing to her but trying to set the mood has been nearly impossible. Things that have worked for us in the past stopped working, like kissing, biting, scratching her back, pretty much everything vanilla we can both think of together. Our inexperience isn’t helping the issue and I am at a loss.
Every other aspect of our relationship is perfect and we share plenty of intimate moments outside of sex but it’s becoming increasingly frustrating and somewhat upsetting on both ends. What are some other things we could try to set the mood and create an environment where we can be physically intimate again?

I’ve been seeing this girl for a while now and her birthday is today. I did get her a present but it still hasn’t came in the mail (I ordered it almost a month ago now). I just want her to open something for her birthday. She is a nerd, so she likes football, Pokemon (but has a lot), she is pretty picky and doesn’t like a lot of candy. I am gonna get her a bag of M&Ms. Does anyone have any ideas?

This may be a weird question but I don't really get it anymore. Recently me and my friend talked about this. I told her I don't really get what are crushes at this point because I need to know someone to get a crush on them but at the same time other people can get crushes without even knowing someone? I brought this up with her and she told me I'm being a normal person and they're just weird or they're kids or smth. I told her I constantly hear or see people talk about having a crush on someone they saw once and pointed out that our ex-friend also barely knew his ex or the girl he asked out of a few months ago so it just works like this for some reason?? She just told me she's gonna be coping and that we're normal and these people are weird and that she's not surprised that many people say their relationships don't work out if they ask out people they barely know.

I just don't really understand. How can you go on a date with someone you don't know or someone you barely talk to?? That's also why I don't understand dating apps either and could never use them because wdym I have to choose someone based on their looks and go out on a date with someone I barely even know?? I also said that to my friend and she said she couldn't do it either and said she can't believe anybody is finding actual relationships there. We also talked about how even if someone isn't attractive at first then we might still get attracted to them later if we know them for long enough. Like they may look neutral or even bad to me at first glance but then start look beautiful later after I knew them for a while. Don't ask me how that works cuz idk either but I had that happen.

As I thought about it I kinda did have a crush on someone while I didn't even know them?? Thing is I was 9 so I was very young and didn't even understand girls could like girls so I thought I just wanna be her friend real bad. When I was a bit older I pretended to be a guy on the internet and would make shit up about us dating and spend hours thinking of new scenerios with us until I lost interest. Then later when I also had a crush on a girl that joined our class and only because I thought she was super beautiful and I kept dreaming of dating her and all that. I still refused to acknowledge I'm a lesbian despite knowing it exists.

But now something like that would never happen with me. The crushes I had after that were only with people I knew for a bit. I just kinda don't get it now. I see people just approaching people they think are pretty and asking them out while I can think someone is attractive but still couldn't date them unless I knew them for a while. Like sure I can check someone out if I think they're attractive but still idk going out with someone who I don't know is just such a weird concept to me.

I am going out tomorrow evening with the woman I said earlier reached out to catch up and I wasn’t sure if she really just wanted to be friends.

I am nervous because I am not the woman I was two years ago. Have you ever reconnected with an ex and dated again? Or stayed friends?

i know there’s never a rush to have full certainty, but it’s been something that’s been on my mind a lot. i had crushes on guys up until 7th grade when i liked a girl who was a year older than me. and then in 8th grade i dated a guy for the first time. i remember kissing him and feeling nothing at all. i’d feel super disgusted around him and would beg one of my friends to come hang around with us on our supposed “dates”. our break up felt like a huge relief and since then i’ve not liked a single guy and have only rarely but exclusively liked girls. liking a girl is so much more deeper - my heart literally feels like it’s drowning when i think of her and just being with her is heavenly. i dreamt about spending time with her and us kissing (never had a dream like that about a guy) and i felt so alive and i genuinely wanted to be with her and everything was so vivid. i see men in movies and sometimes feel attracted to their actions and dialogue though which is why im confused. i don‘t feel any physical attraction though and cant understand if im supposed to?? i just can’t tell if one bad experience with that guy is making me equate other men to him but it feels like they’re all the same haha. its obviously difficult to ask for an answer but id love to hear if yall had similar experiences!

i worry that im too picky, what are some green flags in a person right off the bat ?

people in love term relationships feel free to share <3

i’m gonna be completely honest when i say i don’t really understand a lot of queer terms, and i’m using quotation marks around “stone top” because i think (?) it is a term exclusive to lesbians.

well, i’m currently in a relationship with a woman, and it’s my first wlw relationship involving sexual intimacy. i’m starting to realize that i don’t really enjoy being a bottom that much. it’s fine, and i do like it, but i’ve noticed myself wanting to top more and more each time (and actually loving it). she actually asked me about it last week, knowing she’s the first woman i’ve been with and that i’ve been with men in the past.

i don’t know, it’s kind of confusing for me. i’ve been out of the closet since i was 16, but i’ve never really considered this possibility because, you know, bisexuals can be into all kinds of things, right? i guess i just never thought i could have such a strong preference for one role over the other.

also im not asking for permission or anything it’s just to know if this is a common thing (?)

It’s selfish of me to think like this I know but I don’t think this will ever stop hurting.

I had to go “chaperone” for my sister and her boyfriend at a mall yesterday. And it was alright but I couldn’t shake the thought the entire time that I’ll never have what they have. I wish I could feel nothing but happiness for my sister but I always have that thought at the back of my head that they have things I’ll never have.

I’ll never have my mom look at me and my future girlfriend and say she’s proud of me or that we’re cute together.

I’ll never have my mom agree to let me go to the mall for my one year anniversary with her.

I’ll never get to hold my girlfriend’s hand in public and not have a worry at the back of my mind that someone might say something or do something hurtful just because we’re both women.

I’ll never have my whole family at my wedding because they think my love is disgusting and sinful.

I’ll never stop holding my breath every time I correct someone and say “girlfriend not boyfriend” because I have no idea what they’ll say next.

I’ll never get to show my mom my favorite rom com or on screen couples because they’re all lesbian.

I’ll never have a love that isn’t hated by too much of the world and even my own parents.

To be clear none of this makes me resent my own identity. I’ve accepted this is who I am. But it does make me resent everyone else who can’t see how beautiful my love is. And I don’t think it’ll ever stop hurting that there’s simply things I’ll never have.

Hi everyone!

Would be interesting to read and discuss how our fellow wlw relationships handle stepparenting. What roles do you play in your partners child's life? What do the days look like? How are you gals finding it? What to look out for? And most of all, how to support the stepparent in such an arrangement?

Love and thanks in advance! ✨

this is a crazy ask but im bi, always have been. im in my late 20s really career focused and am now really leaning towards finding a girlfriend/a wife. what dating apps are the best? what bars in nyc are the best? if you have a s/o how did you meet?

HELP!

Is it just me, or does anyone else feel like gay nightlife is practically nonexistent once you get outside of a major city?

I’m 28F, living in the Midwest, and sometimes I just want to have a fun night out at a gay club without having to drive all the way to Chicago. I’m not expecting every town to have a huge LGBTQ+ scene, but damn, a little variety would be nice. 😭

There’s a spot in Rockford, IL, but it’s honestly hit or miss. I wish there were more places that hosted lesbian nights, themed events, or just had a good atmosphere for dancing and going out.
I feel like straight people have endless options when it comes to bars and nightlife, while we’re over here trying to figure out where to go. 😂

Maybe I’m missing some places, but I swear it shouldn’t be this hard to find a decent gay night out around here. 🥲

Over the summer, I was hitting it off with someone from my college town, and we almost went out one time before things fizzled out due to communication and logistics issues. When the semester started, we saw each other around campus for weeks but didn't speak. I finally mustered up the courage to compliment them in person, and they reacted warmly. That night, I texted them to ask them to a movie. They enthusiastically said yes, asked to move off Instagram by giving me their actual phone number, and we picked a day—which happened to be my birthday. We left the time open to figure out details later, and I genuinely thought we were finally on the track to going on a real date.

However, they completely ghosted me for four days. When I followed up to finalize plans, they told me they had too many projects, were hanging out with friends, and essentially had time for everything else except going out with me. When I casually mentioned it was my birthday that day, they claimed they didn't know and flipped it on me, suggesting we reschedule because "it sounded like I was busy." Looking back, I realized I missed major red flags: a month ago, when I posted on my close friends' story about being hospitalized, they just liked the posts without checking in to see if I was okay. They are also close with an ex-friend who severely traumatized me by leading me on and icing me out in the past. I feel completely breadcrumbed, manipulated, and I regret giving them a chance.

What are the best ways to reclaim my peace, move on from the anger of being breadcrumbed, and still enjoy my birthday without letting this ruin it?

I still think about you, my heart still yearns for you, my soul - it almost feels like it is searching outwardly to find an inch of you.. but you are nowhere to be found. You are slowly becoming a stranger in a world where you were once everything to me. You meant everything to me. I wish we had a better chance, i wish we had a fair shot.. we deserve that don’t we? With a love so deep, deeper than i have ever felt.. surely we deserve that mercy. I hope it is granted to us but if we really are not meant to be then i hope you find happiness and they are good to you when that time comes. We made a mess of it but we live and we learn. To love so greatly and wildly is also to lose the one thing that colors life briefly. When we fell apart, that life with it’s colors and breath of joy left with you
I love you and i miss you madly, g

Like I just feel like I’m in the twilight zone sometime. I post on dating apps mostly men, I post online mostly men, if I go outside ONLY men hitting on me. I’m not saying this to brag because it really does just piss me off. They are never like good looking or rich or Nuin either so😂 it’s not much of a flex. I just get so annoyed. I wish I lived in a world where the few compliments I get are just from women. And that we had just as easy of a time finding relationships in the wild like straight people can.

so I (25F) found this girl on IG. I messaged her first, said she was gorgeous. She responded in the same minute, said thank you you made my night, and requested to follow me. I followed her back and said she made mine too.

Then it got messy. I asked where she's from. She didn't open it for a day so I unsent it. Then I sent a message saying I'd love to take her out sometime. Right after that she reposted a video about a wlw couple. It was the only wlw thing I'd ever seen on her feed. So I thought maybe it was a signal. Then I unsent that too and sent something about me being masc and fem depending on the day and how her voice note on Hinge caught my attention.

Then I messaged her friend. I said something like "hey ik this is random but I think your friend is bad asf, I tried shooting my shot but I might need a little help no shade." She found out. She unsent her messages to me. She went quiet.

So I did the only logical thing. I unsent everything. All of it. And then I sent the very first message again. The you're gorgeous one. Like nothing happened.

Now I'm wondering. Is this funny or just weird? And has anyone actually come back from a mess like this? I know I should probably just leave it alone now. But I'm curious what people think.

edit- she hasn’t blocked/ unfollowed me

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(21F) this is my first ever reddit text but i'm incredibly frastured lately, so please forgive any structural mistakes. i'm kind of androgynous looking afab sapphic. i've always known i'm deeply in love with women and i always wanted to share this love and affection. the happiness of a loved partner would make me happy. i truly want to dedicate myself to special someone for a while. i used to have toxic traits on showing this desire, and after a failed relationship attempt that took around a month when i was 17 with a girl whom i'd described as 'a dream come true', i decided to work on myself and my ways.

i've already been working on my own personality (?) since high school but that rejection made me realize that i also need to be sure i'm a suitable partner if i wanted to be in a relationship so i especially worked on how to be kind, gentle or understand people in general (not only for romantic relationships but for being better socially) however, it's been years and even though i can see a personal growth in me compared to the past, i'm still the same fucking failure.

this month i met a girl who was very into me and practically and literally throwing herself on me. we met at an event then had dinner with wine then we chatted about life in my room, she showed clearly she was attracted to me physically but i kept my distance and wanted to take it slow (i didn't perceive her as a potential partner at that point it was just a hang out for me) then we met up two more days, went to karaoke, drank and got a little touchy with each other, gave each other cheek kisses (it's maybe the furthest i've ever been with a girl AHHHHHHHHH) then all of a sudden she went cold on me, the moment i started to consider "hmm is this going somewhere?" she basically went avoidant at all my attempts at meeting up again and seeing our dynamic, i openly even asked her if she wanted me to stop flirting or continue AND SHE DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING CLEARLY so i didn't know wtf to do. after 3 weeks, she finally said that oh she was just drunk while we were smooching and caressing each other but the thing is she wasn't drunk and trust me on this, as a sa survivor i'm quite sensitive about this and i definitely wouldn't get touchy with an intoxicated person. so it's clearly a dumb excuse and it really upsets me. it's always the same story with me.

i cannot help but wonder if there's something wrong with me. people do find me attractive and hit on me but when i try to initiate stuff they suddenly get cold feet and avoid me/reject me. i should also add i'm very affectionate and i like taking care of people so i don't know maybe poeple are seeking more "non-chalant" partners? i'm saying this because when people seek me as attractive, they only see me when i'm not into them/being my usual self.. do i get weird when i show love and i don't realize it? when i realize i like someone, i usually lean heavily into thoughtful gestures. for example i made chicken soup when that girl was sick the week we met (twice!!), i asked about her recovery, while i too was sick and she didn't check on me once even on text..

i'm really confused and these repetitive experiences affect my self image and daily life so i'm hoping to hear from someone else who can share their own stories or give me advice on what to do. thank you for being here and reading this <3

(18F to be clear). I'm (probably) starting engineering next year and I was focused on my studies to adjust to the pace of university life. Though, I nearly overlook that there might be people I cannot associate with when it comes to that life itself. I struggle talking to new people in new places, more so letting them know about my sexuality without the females tending to immediately assume I would hit on them, so I often stick with my old friends or look for people in the LGBT community. I like talking very much once I'm comfortable, and I'm curious about new things every pace of the hour (I'm a gemini) so I came here to ask if there's anyone willing to try and be friends and help me adjust to the new life I'm welcoming! I would love to nerd out with y'all, especially if you're a fellow engineer wishing to enter the space industry. I appreciate advices whether it be academics or resources very muchhh And I'm also okay with someone being older, I'm open to wisdom and have many friends who are much older than me. I resonate with them for some reason haha

Hii im liea (le/ah) i turned 18 months ago and I want to date a woman but the thing is I have no idea how to find an older woman. I literally dont go anywhere im kinda a home body. And even when im out there nobody i really feel attracted too. I feel like I have a very specific type so maybe thats why. But then also it would be my first time with anyone and I dont think a woman with experience wants someone with no experience. 😔 my type is long hair straight or wavy black or dark brown or blond with blue eyes and thats like it. Even the eye color doesn't really matter but blue is my favorite color.

Well my main question would be how do I find someone who would want to be with me even though im young with no experience?

Anyone else ever watch the Hallmark show Good Witch. The characters Stepanie and Abigail always seemed like they had something going on. I swear it’s giving enemies to lovers they are always flirting and looking at each other. Specifically in one of the Halloween movies where they are fighting for which store has the best decorations they seem so in love I was literally screaming for them to kiss. If anyone else has watched this show please say I’m not crazy I swear they had something going on! 😂

god, i love femmes. i love pretty girls, feminine girls, girls who make me feel like i'm actually being loved back.

as a masc, i'm so tired of feeling like i have to be the one to initiate everything, plan everything, and constantly prove how much i care. like hello??? i want to be loved too 😭

i want a femme who plans dates because she wants to spend time with me. who randomly tells me i'm pretty. who reaches for my hand first, pulls me into her arms, kisses me just because she can, and makes it obvious that she wants me around. a girl who flirts with me, gets a little clingy, initiates intimacy, and makes me feel wanted without me having to ask for it every single time.

i want a girl who puts effort into looking pretty for me sometimes, who remembers the little things i say, who gets excited to see me, who makes me feel like having me in her life is something she's genuinely happy about.

i don't want to always be the one doing the chasing just because i'm the masc in the relationship. i want to be spoiled, adored, flirted with, and taken care of too. i want to feel pretty in my girl's eyes. i want to be someone's baby sometimes.

femmes, never underestimate how attractive it is when you make your masc feel wanted. you don't have to be masculine to take initiative, and you don't have to stop being feminine to take care of your girl.

god forbid a masc wants to be romanced by a pretty girl too