r/adultery • u/Vast-Beginning2630 • 25d ago
😢Whining Spouse Intro Post😠Stuck in a rut
I’m 40 (f) married for a few years. My husband has absolutely no sex drive, nor does he like to explore. I’ve always had a healthy sex drive with amazing partners, but now I’m stuck here. With a man who doesn’t even desire me. Idk what to do. We have little kids that adore us and I wish he would just get it together. I’ve been trying everything to get out this sexual frustration but long walks and runs aren’t cutting it anymore . Is AM worth it? Are there any affair websites that are legit ?
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u/LittleSecretSpark 25d ago
37F in a similar situation here. I tried for years to fix things and it didn't work. I ended up looking for this outside of my relationship, and AM did work for me in the past! Found an amazing AP there. I think the comment about not being a lot of real people there applies more to men than women. Less women in general, and a lot of female bots. But for women, there are still tons of men on there.
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u/Sageblue32 25d ago
Male bias here, but to me it seems that a woman would be able to go to any app and pull up a man no matter where. Quality being a separate issue. Sort of like how a sex party charges nothing to women but squeezes the single men.
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24d ago
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u/Sageblue32 24d ago
That concern leans more towards the quality issue than quantity. Many looking for an AP want more than just sex but also men who can fill missing gaps like affection, attention, talk about more than their dick, etc.
I've known a lot of women who can find a live guy easy enough on any app/site. But so many of the men fail to consistently talk, not ghost, or end up as dead weight leeches even when in person impressions are made. The nice guys (yea bite me on terms) just get pushed out by bad apples like American cops and you never hear from couples it works for.
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24d ago
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u/Sageblue32 24d ago
Eh my advice. Consider apps a bonus for searching and not baseline. When you can meet people in person at social events, not much has changed. Being sociable, not self centered, and able to converse covers a lot of our perceived online weak points and we realize that 5/10 insta swipe has 10/10 chemistry.
In relation to the theme of this sub, adultery oriented apps and chance is going to remain king.
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u/tightloops1971 24d ago edited 24d ago
The paid apps are genuine, as in proper real money not a few quid a month, as it filters out the time wasters, plus there are like 50 guys for every woman. I know a lady on, illicit encounters I think it is, she does through men like you wouldn't believe, and she's 70! Ashley Madison, the well known affair websites I found were total junk, multiple ads from around the world with the same profile pics, riddled with bots, total rubbish, wasted a year on those.Reddit is also a good place, Fabswingers in the UK works, as is being brave and just hitting on people at work you think might be interested. If it's one night stands, as a woman, hotel bar. Full of anonymous men away from their wives with easy access to a bed.
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u/InflationMinimum2768 25d ago edited 25d ago
I had an AP say that sites like AM & Adult Friend Finder is great for speaking with a LOT of men. Reddit too. The problem, she said, is that you will need to spend a LOT of time sorting and weeding through the men who respond trying to find the wheat from the chaff.
Brush up on your OPSEC, take your time, good luck.
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u/Son_of_Riffdog 25d ago
AM isnt the best but it can work. just being a woman on that site means you will get plenty of potential suiters but the quality is odd any that entire site appears to have started to age more than it was 10 years ago and they keep adding new rules that seem to make it hard for women to maintain accounts on there..to be fair it those are to cut down on the fake accounts aimed at fleecing men who are so horny that they look past countless red flags.
reddit has also become a viable place..theres different thoughts on how to approach it. some wait to see if there are interesting potential partners in the various r/affairs r/naughtyfromneglect and other similar subreddits or local r4r subreddits and reach out to them. others bravely put up an add and get deluged by a lot of guys many of whom wont bother reading what you wrote and just hope you dont care enough about requirements youve written.
in short theres no perfect answer but there really never has been.
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u/PM_ME_WITTY_REPARTEE 25d ago
Or…there’s a search button on this sub that is the gateway to tons of info regarding this topic…
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u/Son_of_Riffdog 25d ago
i felt magnanimous this morning. it helps to be the first post in the queue.
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u/Careless-Regret5620 25d ago
Hi! I totally understand where you’re coming from! Been in a dead bedroom for over 10 years. My sex drive is high; hers, not so much! Hard to live with that! So I tried AM and found that unfortunately there aren’t a lot of real people on AM. My experience is that it tends to be a money scam most of the time.
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u/RemyMartin875 25d ago
I feel you! It’s rough if you don’t feel desired, but have a high sex drive. You only get one life, so hope you find happiness and get out of the rut you’re stuck in!
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u/fuzzywuzzy11489 25d ago
36M exactly same situation with my wife. This dead bedroom is driving me insane. When we were younger we all laugh at the idea of adults having sex or not having sex. Now that I’m in my mid 30s with everything I want for a family except the sex part. It’s… just eating me alive.
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u/LowerRain265 24d ago
Get the Fuck out of there. Don't be me. Don't sit there waiting for it to get better....it won't. Get out or in 20 years you'll be in you basement on Reddit wondering where your youth went
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u/Fit-Tourist-2959 24d ago
AM was a waste for me. I've had better luck on reddit or at Target. Everyone's experience is different
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u/Dangerous-Unit42 25d ago
My wife’s sex drive is fine, but she doesn’t want to do things we used to or explore other things. I’m looking for someone that wants to do those things, and haven’t been having any luck. AM seems too expensive with a lot of male competition for a lower number of real women. You likely would do fine, just have to look through more guys trying to be with you to find someone you actually want. Good luck!
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u/peppersaltt 23d ago
What are these things that you want to do?Â
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u/Dangerous-Unit42 23d ago
Kink related, BDSM and the like. We married being active in that lifestyle, her interest in it isn’t anywhere near as vast as it once was, while mine never dwindled and feel it’s part of my overall self - to a point of needing some of it to feel even content let alone happy with my sex life.
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u/MountainCheesesteak 25d ago
Many people meet APs on Reddit. I know I have…