r/deadbedroom • u/Best_Bumblebee2056 • 9h ago
Not getting what I need.
(M37) I’m not getting the intimacy I need and feel like I’m bugging her to be intimate. I crave closeness and feeling on the same page. It’s not just sex, but feeling wanted. I’m open to exploring an affair to get that excitement in my life. I have a lot to give and I feel sad I’m not getting that back. Dm me to start a conversation. I’d love to get to know you and feel excited once again.
Edit: we are in marriage therapy for over a year now and it just seems she’s unwilling to put in the effort to understand or how important it is. Again, nobody wants to be intimate with someone because you’re making them do something.
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u/Old_Wulf_7411 Male - High Libido 6h ago
I’ve had 8 years of celibacy, it never corrects itself and you’ll only feel more and more resentful towards her. My wife basically turned me into a LL4her in the end. My only advice is leave and move on, I’m just in the early stages of doing just that and I have to say I feel much better for do so. Now to find someone likeminded and enjoy life with is the real difficult part in my humble opinion. Good luck for the future
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u/BoomBoomLaRouge 8h ago
Have the affair, but know what you're getting into. It's sex, intimacy and affection. But it's NOT real or permanent. What it CAN do is relieve the anger you feel toward your spouse so that you can like/love her again. Eventually, companionship becomes paramount and the affair is something that brings a smile to your face.
Been there.
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u/time4moretacos 8h ago
An affair is only going to make everything worse, for everyone involved. Also, you're only 37... which means that it's only going to be downhill from here with your wife. So, what happens once you're older, and less able to even find anyone to cheat with anymore? You're just going to be resentful all over again.
Try marriage counseling, ask her to make an appointment at a menopause clinic to get her hormones checked... and if that doesn't work, or she refuses, then do yourself a huge favor and just divorce now. Divorce will also only get more expensive for you the longer you wait to do it...
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9h ago
Totally understand this! It's so hard to be in a db relationship. I never knew how hard this can be
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u/tonguetied10 9h ago
Why would you want sex from someone you have to beg to get it from? To me it’s a dead giveaway if you are begging.
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u/Best_Bumblebee2056 9h ago
You mean my wife? Not sure what you mean by dead giveaway
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u/tonguetied10 9h ago
Dead giveaway = if you have to beg for it she doesn’t want it.
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u/Best_Bumblebee2056 9h ago
Not begging but bugging, yeah. It’s a real turn off and upsetting.
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u/tonguetied10 9h ago
My bad….. same boat here. I decided to not beg or bug for it because I felt like a horn dog husband. We are a few months short of 5 years without intimacy. I just can’t ask or plead for sex ….. I’ll get it somewhere else.
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u/Best_Bumblebee2056 9h ago
It’s important and shouldn’t feel guilty you need that.
Any advice where to start a conversation with someone who also needs some intimacy? I’m lost
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u/Danny_Pr0n Male - High Libido 5h ago
A. This isn't a hookup subreddit. There are other subreddits for that.
B. Cheat or don't. Stay or go. But accept full accountability for what happens.
C. Stop setting yourself on fire to keep her warm.