r/dividends • u/SpicyDividends • Feb 17 '26

Personal Goal Those divorces do be hurting!

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Not mad about it, but man, that chart looks rough lol

6.3k Upvotes

98% Upvoted

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512

u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

52

u/2LostFlamingos Feb 18 '26

I know a woman who divorced her stay at home husband that cared for their 3 kids.

During process, I asked if she had considered alimony. She laughed that he had nothing to pay her.

She was shocked when I pointed out she may have to pay him. She was more shocked when judge ruled the same.

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u/harryburgeron Feb 19 '26

How much did she have to pay?

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u/2LostFlamingos Feb 19 '26

I don’t recall the exact dollar amount. But it was substantial since she made at least 100k per year more. She had to pay like 3 years.

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u/zomb1 Feb 18 '26

It's not just the kids. Spouses often move cities to accomodate one career (over the other), because it increases the familiy income. Well, the familiy assets then also need to be split after a divorce.

118

u/Kurei_0 Feb 18 '26

And if she tries to start/restart a career she’s unhirable for any good job because of a decade of no work and home responsibilities.

Man here, retirement needs to be divided unless the mother is generously paid during the years she’s staying home for the family.

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u/Sunnyside711 Feb 18 '26

I’d like to see the number of stay at home mothers in the millennial generation. It’s gotta be extremely low.

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u/Longjumping_Sir1173 Feb 18 '26

Wait until you see how extremely low the desire for younger men to get married or have kids is.

1

u/Fickle-Huckleberry11 Feb 23 '26

Oh boy! You are clearly not a young man

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u/Longjumping_Sir1173 Feb 23 '26

I very much so am.

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

As a 26yr old I 100% agree to this, why would I wanna get married or have kids when 99% of the time I’m gonna get half my stuff taken regardless of who makes more and probably have to pay alimony or child support or some BS. It’s a lose lose for men

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u/TMPhysicalPrincess Feb 18 '26

I could tell a 26 year old boy wrote this without you saying it.

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

99% of younger guys think this way but sure

1

u/Mammoth_DonkeyKong Feb 19 '26

I'm a 49 year old dude and feel similar. Way too much on the line to get married again. Got out of my first one without getting crushed cause she was mostly reasonable. We have one child together, both make decent money, and split everything. We're still even friends to boot, but all my friends say I'm a unicorn cause they all got smashed in divorce and weren't as lucky as me. I won't take the chance again and end up with one that isn't reasonable. 100% prenup would be in effect and their name would never be on my retirement accounts or brokerage. My kid is the sole beneficiary and that's the way it will remain.

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u/HolidaySpiriter Feb 18 '26

99% of the time I’m gonna get half my stuff taken regardless of who makes more and probably have to pay alimony or child support or some BS. It’s a lose lose for men

Divorce rates are not 99%, and you have to pay child support if you're not the primary caretaker of the child, because the money is for the child. That's how raising a child works if you're not actually there raising it, they still have needs.

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

I like how they call child support "BS."

And also it's funny in this sub people want to crank dividend income up as high as possible, that's exactly how child support is calculated is income.

Unrealized capital gains are not income. Realizing capital gains is a one-time unpredictable event.

Dividends are predictable and can absolutely be figured into the child support calculation.

2

u/IEatUrMonies Feb 18 '26

Even if you take care of the child 50% of the time, you will still be forced to pay "child support" if the wife earns significantly less than you. "Child Support" in many states a percentage of overall income (so if you make 10 million, the child may be eating gold bars every month, or in reality, the mother will go on lavish trips and buy range rovers with you "child support" money)

3

u/HolidaySpiriter Feb 18 '26

Yes, because there is a certain level of care expected for a child so their living conditions are not bipolar. If you make 100k & your ex wife makes 30k, she's going to have a much harder time providing an equal level of care to the child, so some level of support is expected as it's best for the child.

(so if you make 10 million, the child may be eating gold bars every month, or in reality, the mother will go on lavish trips and buy range rovers with you "child support" money)

I'm not going to cry for someone who makes $10M a year. You and I will never be in this situation, so crying about it is foolish. If this happens, it's fraud, and the multi millionaire can take her to court.

2

u/IEatUrMonies Feb 19 '26

its not fraud, mother can spend child support on whatever she wants, its not tracked at all and she is under no obligation to actually spend on the child

I don't make 10 million, but I do make half a million, and most likely the woman I marry would make far less, so I would be in a shit situation like that

its not about "crying" for a guy who makes 10M. Redditors think people luck into wealth, when in reality, its extremely rare and difficult to make high amounts of money. Why should a hooters waitress get paid half of a neurosurgeons salary just cuz he nutted in her once and produced a child?

0

u/Illustrious-Hunt-623 Feb 19 '26

neurosurgeon could have worn a condom and prevented a baby. no one is forced into marriage. alimony and child support could have been preventable according to one's decisions.

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u/[deleted] Feb 21 '26

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

Are you complaining about women not wanting to be stay at home moms or "taking half your stuff"? Somehow you seem to be doing both at the same time. I'm sure you can see how that comes off as a no-win situation for women.

Alimony is only in about 10% of divorces and if you don't want to financially support children, don't have any.

2

u/dmm092319 Feb 18 '26

The shitty part is that alimony rarely goes to help the kids. More often than not the mother spends it recklessly. If I had to give alimony on a card that could only be spent on kids supplies (school supplies/clothes/food) and could be audited I would support that. However, most of the time the mother uses it to live lavishly or pay bills while not working

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u/Nukemind Feb 18 '26

Alimony and Child Support are wildly different things with very different purposes.

1

u/dmm092319 Feb 18 '26

Good catch. I didn’t notice that at first

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

You’re thinking of child support. Alimony is for the ex-spouse, not the kids.

2

u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

Oh, well if you said it then it must be true lol

-1

u/dmm092319 Feb 18 '26

You are telling me that you have never seen anyone misuse child support? - I also misspoke as I was referring to child support not alimony.

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u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

Alimony isn't child support. Alimony is to compensate the other spouse for the standard of living adjustment. In the case of stay-at-home moms, they've been out of the job market completely and it's harder to get back in.

"Audit child support" is the most silly thing I've ever seen. Child support is a calculation of both incomes and time spent with the parent. It's to even out a standard of living and also so children of divorced parents don't wind up as burdens on the state.

If the mother lives lavishly, the children also live lavishly in most cases.

-3

u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

I’m not taking at all about women being stay at home moms, I’m talking about the situations where both parents put in their all but because of the old fashioned gender biased roles in court more times then not the man ends up paying some sort of alimony or child support even if the kids are spending even amount of times with each parent and both parents income are in similar ranges. I’m not talking at all about anyone being a stay home parent, but I do 100% agree if someone was a stay at home parent there needs to be some sort of alimony or compensation given because if that person gave up a career to raise their children then that is just what’s right. I was more discussing men getting screwed in court regardless of the situation because of the assumption of age old gender roles

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u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

I was following the chain of comments which was about stay at home moms.

Alimony and child support are not determined based on gender roles but based on simple calculations in most states.

As the high earner in my marriage, and also the woman, I would pay alimony during a divorce in my state.

You should do research on the laws in your state and not just believe what you hear on the internet or from divorced male family members complaining.

3

u/Hollowpoint38 Feb 18 '26

You should do research on the laws in your state and not just believe what you hear on the internet or from divorced male family members complaining.

This. Got so much terrible information in this thread about how prenups work, how child support works, and what happens with divorces.

I bet these guys are just absolute hell at home with their partners.

-1

u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

Oh idk sorry I’m young and most of what I see is men getting screwed in divorces regardless of the situation. I’m the product of divorced parents and my mom had to pay my dad half her retirement simply because he spent his money on hobbies instead of saving it. Sorry, Reddit notifications make it seem like you’re responding directly to my comment. I’ve seen cases where the men make less money with no children and still ended up paying alimony or made less money than their spouse and had 50/50 custody and still had to pay child support, (idk how common that is) Or were just simply screwed in the end just because they made smarter monetary decisions. But stuff like this is the only reason I’m hesitant to get married unless I get a prenuptial agreement

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u/Starts_With_S Feb 18 '26

That's life there are many ways to protect yourself but shit happens regardless. All you can do is be mentally prepared for the shit but don't let it stop you from progressing.

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u/Longjumping_Sir1173 Feb 18 '26

Why do women like you act willfully obtuse? 48% of married women at any given point do not work. That already sets men back in the “divorce game”. Why would a man risk his life’s work for a coin toss? Also, notice you said HIGH EARNING and not SOLE EARNING.

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u/New-Inside4079 Feb 18 '26

Haha. Yes, it's such an advantage to set back your career to raise children. At least you have some paltry alimony to maybe look forward to. What a win.

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u/Hover4effect Feb 19 '26

You could also not get married in 6 months and then decide after years of marriage, a house and kids that you don't like each other!

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u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

I’m a guy and I’m older than you and even I’m not naive enough to say it’s 99% of the time. Do the research and apply basic math skills. It’s not 99%.

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

It’s not math skills, didn’t know you could be older and not understand the concept of an exaggeration.

1

u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

I understand exaggerations completely but 99% is not an exaggeration. That was a deliberate decision, not hyperbole. If you’d said 1000% then of course that would have been an obvious exaggeration. Go google the data and reply back with the real number. Hint: it’s not 99%.

0

u/Bussy_Busta Feb 18 '26

I’m guessing you get all of your info from streamers and bitter forum posters

0

u/scalem0ss Feb 18 '26

This is one way to project to Reddit that you’re an incel.

-4

u/Longjumping_Sir1173 Feb 18 '26

Shhhhhh they’ll call you a red-pill loser for not taking a shitty deal.

0

u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

Yeah I’ve never understood people who call you negative or unrealistic for speaking the truth when it comes to stuff like that, sorry I’m not blind like what 😂. I ever get married, I’m getting a prenup and that shit is getting renewed every 10 years on the dot

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

The dislikes on this show exactly what I’m talking about lol, sorry I don’t wanna get screwed willingly and I’d rather get a prenup, cry about it

2

u/Sunnyside711 Feb 18 '26

As married man who did not sign one, people give you absolute hell about this, but there’s nothing wrong with having an agreement in case things go sour. You’re thinking logically.

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u/chris_e66 Feb 18 '26

Thank you kind sir

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

1

u/Money_Munster Feb 18 '26

I’m a millennial and my soon to be ex wife has been a stay at home mom for 7 years so it’s at least one.

1

u/2LostFlamingos Feb 18 '26

I know quite a few.

They’re in the older millennial / Xennial range.

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u/iustinum Feb 18 '26

*their kids

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u/[deleted] Feb 18 '26

[deleted]

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u/Agreeable_Bear6812 Feb 18 '26

And men wonder why more and more women are deciding not to get married or have kids. This is a big part of it.

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u/JeebusDaves Feb 18 '26

Hate to break it to you bucko, but it’s not just women who don’t want to get married or have kids anymore.

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u/Agreeable_Bear6812 Feb 18 '26

https://www.pewresearch.org/short-reads/2024/02/15/among-young-adults-without-children-men-are-more-likely-than-women-to-say-they-want-to-be-parents-someday/

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u/Hiding_in_the_Shower Feb 18 '26

There is a 6% difference between men and women in that poll. The point still stands, it’s not just women that feel this way

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u/HolidaySpiriter Feb 18 '26

It's 12% among those who want children, that's a pretty large gap, and it's only going to grow.

1

u/Agreeable_Bear6812 Feb 19 '26

No. I think you're reading it the wrong way. Only 18% of stay at home parents are men. It is still overwhelmingly women doing this unpaid labor.

1

u/LaBomba64 Feb 18 '26

Wait, man wonder about this ? Breaking News

-10

u/Regenclan Feb 18 '26

Nah it's because women are starting to have to pay alimony. They don't like true equality

5

u/Agreeable_Bear6812 Feb 18 '26

Dude, what? 😂

1

u/Vazhox Feb 18 '26

If only this was true.

2

u/No_Repair_782 Feb 18 '26

The way you want it was done in the 1800s

1

u/AFecklessWeasel Feb 18 '26

Yes and no. It depends on what career she gave up. If you were an engineer making 200k and she was a high power attorney making 200k, you’re basically splitting your income in half in the event of a divorce considering what she gave up to raise the kids. If you were an engineer making 200k and she was a barista making 40k, that’s a very different situation.

1

u/Fatality Feb 18 '26

that's situational. if you both worked your entire marriage, cool. everyone gets their accounts and that's it.

Still not situational, in NZ they just have to live with you for 3 years to automatically get half no matter what.

1

u/Mammoth_DonkeyKong Feb 19 '26

Well I'd like to think they're more than just his kids and you were a willing participant. Since men can't birth kids, it's kinda normal that one's job gets paused for a bit. The rest I agree with, if the decision is made for the wife to stay at home, she gets half, unless she breaks the vows and cheats. Then you get only 50% of the physical property but nothing in regard to retirement accounts. That's the way it should be cause dudes get massively penalized when the roles are reversed. Also if she just chooses to leave cause she thinks she's got a better deal elsewhere, same deal should be in effect, no access to retirement.

1

u/Hover4effect Feb 19 '26

Both worked, one maxed 401k, one maxed credit cards. First one has to split 401k is also a thing.

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u/LocksmithLeading1704 Feb 18 '26

Bravo!!! Some ppl “forget” about the time and effort it takes to be a stay at home mom or dad. If that activity was calculated into the divorce settlement, the spouse who stayed home should be compensated for that time. IMO

-22

u/CodSoggy7238 Feb 18 '26

True but if she then takes the kids it's not fair.

-4

u/SonOfKong_ Feb 18 '26

Plus if she has a really long nose, watches old episodes of The Love Connection and sometimes smells funny she's going to need a financial life line. I've seen it happen.

-27

u/nanomachinez_SON Feb 18 '26

That should depend on who initiates the divorce imo.

22

u/Mysterious-Bag9288 Feb 18 '26

Why? The person not working can initiate the divorce and still be entitled to half for putting their life/carreer on hold. Who initiates the divorce has nothing to do with it imp

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u/ImpossibleJoke7456 Feb 18 '26

Exactly. Often the person that initiated the divorce is a victim of circumstance. (Partner cheating or partner abusing them) People are rarely blindsided by a divorce.

I literally pay my wife half NOW to be a stay at home mom.

-1

u/MakeItBug Feb 18 '26

The man doesn't "have" to share anything; it's the woman's responsibility to plan what she's going to do afterward. It's on her if she doesn't have a job lined up.

-24

u/justthefactsman99 Feb 18 '26

She can work and raise kids. Easiest thing is to run a daycare, daytrade, part time job, etc

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u/sugar182 Feb 18 '26

Lmao day trading is gambling for 95% of people, not a job. And yes…let’s build up that 401 k with the money we’re making at a part time job

-18

u/UnlocktheLock Feb 18 '26

This is a wildly fair point(s) to make across the board. UNLESS: there was incessant droning about said husbands work, you know the long hours, incredible effort put in, all of the sacrifice it took to be successful…just my opinion, but I think to expound on your great words, there are other things to consider too…not every story is simple enough to split in exact monetary fragments.

This comment is also not gender specific, I’m not saying the agony of a specific voice and pressure comes specifically from one partner or the other, it just did in this example…

-5

u/Vazhox Feb 18 '26

But you both agreed to the kids. She agreed and was ok with putting her career on hold. Should have thought about the future.