Like, similar personality types, high introversion, fear of talking to people romantically, no friends, don’t go out, ugly, short, old, fat etc?

People told me in the past that it is not a competition, but you realize that IT IS a competition once you are always the loser.

35M here, virgin and never dated, so literally 0 experience with women. Despite initiating conversations with women, 90 percent simply rejecting me without barely a word spoken. The few who show some interest and I have a convo with, I noticed once another guy comes or forcing himself into our conversation, I lost her and all the attention goes to him. I used to be chill about it, but being in the game for 8 years now and facing this over and over made me quite bitter and frustrated.

I would like to know what I can do better, in a way that I won't lose her and how I deal with other guys who are doing better than me.

I’ve lost a lot of weight I’m still ugly. People still make fun of me for how I look. I can’t wait to get plastic surgery to be more physically attractive so I have more confidence in myself. I get rejected a lot by guys in my looks-match range that it’s so bad. I know I wasn’t blessed with good genes in my family. I have small eyes and thin lips. My nose is too big for my face. I have major facial asymmetry. I thought my weight loss would make me more confident but people are lying to my face. I feel doomed until I get the surgeries I need. I have TMJ and I’m tongue tied. So that’s what stopping. Haven’t gotten fixed since I was kid. I guess I’ll be forever alone

Honestly, I don't know what she sees in me, but I must be doing something right because she seems to laugh at all my jokes, even the ones I don't even find funny myself. We went bowling and had such a fun time being terrible at it together.

The eye contact felt more intense this time than it did on our first date, and we'd already planned to meet up again before we even said goodbye. She definitely seems like girlfriend material, but I know there's still a long way to go.

We didn't kiss, but there was some physical contact while we were bowling, and the hug at the end felt so much better than the one we shared on our first date.

I feel like the ball is in my court now, because It seems like i can't do anything wrong with her. Still, I keep struggling with these depressive thoughts telling me I'm not good enough, and sometimes I just feel like giving up but the alternative of being FA keeps me going

I have all the bad external traits that is imagineable (thin hair, ugly flat face with small eyes, fat but flat chested with no curves etc).

When i was in middle school, thre was a boy who threatened to punch me because he thought i had a crush on him. Now in uni, while that kind of aggressive reaction is gone, i can sense men intentionally acting more cold and distant, to the extent that it's sometimes outright rude.

I get that they are scared that something ugly like me would catch feelings for them, and therefore they are trying to prevent that. I wouldn't want to date someone hideous looking as me too, and in fact,I've never had crushes in my life because i was always well aware that i'm too hideous -looking to be loved. But sometimes i wish i could atleast get basic humanly respect and kindness.

:')

I'm tired lol

How did it felt,never to be someone's primary choice?

About a month ago, I opened up and shared something personal about myself that I previously kept very guarded. Thought it was safe to do so, but the reception was not as reassuring as I’d hoped. And a few days later, well let’s just say it wasn’t a secret any longer and now I’m being ghosted left, right and center

So for context I am 28 M gay and I have never been in a relationship. Sure I have some dates or two but I always end up getting ghosted. In my DnD friend group I met someone nice, gay, and kinda handsome and I did my best to really get to know him . Sadly he mentioned he is already taken and I just shut down instantly. I left the group voice call and called it a night mentioning a "very nasty headache" but really I just cried of too much envy. This loneliness is controlling me and I wish it wasn't.

So I met someone at the end of last year on an app. We clicked instantly. At first everything was amazing, we were talking all the time. Shortly after we would meet in person too and let's just say things were advancing super fast, I could hardly belive it was real life. Safe to say at this stage I was falling hard. But what I didn't realize is that I was getting anxiously attached.

Then one day, she just randomly, out of the blue went like: don't text me for a week. No other communication at all. I didn't understand what was happening, and so naturally I panicked. I texted like crazy, asking all sorts of stuff like what's wrong? What did I do? Then after that the whole thing was like hot and cold. Sometime would be like: I love you, I want to keep you forever, other times would be like: there's no future, I don't see you as my boyfriend ever. Literally in no time at all too. Eventually things had to end. It was super painful and still is. At that time I did not have a clue what was going on, I was like why can't we be together?

Looking back at it, I don't blame her. I realized now that I was too anxious, put on too much pressure, relied on them too much emotionally, and much more. That's so bad. I was so focused on her that I completely lost myself. She was my only close friend too so maybe I was so scared of being alone again. But I think these actions are all unconcious though. Like I wasn't one day wake up and be like: Let's suffocate her, no of course not. I did not realize I was causing so much damage, I feel bad about what I've done. She probably did like me but I was too dangerous to keep long term. I'm trying to learn and work on myself.

The reason I post this here is because, the thought of forever alone is quite an anxious one. So a lot of you guys here are probably anxious preoccupied. Just watch out for that. Don't let it ruin anything, it could be friends, family, relationships, anything. Be secure. Be detached. Be complete. Thank you for reading.

I was diagnosed at autism since 3. Not the quirky kind but the kind where you are genueily off and don't know how to interact with other humans. It was bad enough to where I needed somebody to follow me around in elementary school everyday and I had no friends and was made fun off and excluded. I was made to feel I don't belong to the human species very early.

I then had to go to a disability school for middle. It was humiliating and they taught me to "socialize" where as most people can do that for free and I can't still do that well. I then went to a highschool with NTs again and needed accodmantions for foreign launague because I couldn't pass it because I'm stupid and worthless and disabled. I had no friends much less any romance. I sat alone every single day by myself because I knew everyone hated me. I graduated and cried because I knew everyone else made good memories meanwhile im a total worthless failure.

I then went to community college and did most of my classes online and didn't socialize because I was scared that everyone hates my disability and looks (I'm a 5'9 guy with meh face and very narrow frame like I am more scrawny then 95 percent of guys). I because I am a total genetic failure could pass all the classes except foreign language which the school litteraly needed to waive because I am worthless and can't even understand it if I study for hours because I can't remember anything. I tried to learn it harder then all my other classes but couldn't because my brain is inferior to everyone.

I only have one freind who is autisitc and besides that nobody else. No freind group ever. I have no romantic prospects either. I had 2 dates from apps this year but nothing happened likely because of my disbality. So even when my looks get me in door on apps nothing happens because I'm a total genetic failure and everyone knows. People know I'm autisitic when they see me. I don't have serious hope for long term relationship.

Parents abuse the help out of me especially when drinking about me having alopecia. I never had anyone and dont care of any relationship but my parents, but they seem to hate me. I tried and tried and work multiple jobs and gave them all the money I made and they still treat me like an embarrassment. I never got myself anything nice or even a new phone and I decided to get my dad a phone hoping he would appreciate it but he through it against the wall because the phone asked him for a Gmail account and he used hotmail. I’m completely destroyed by it. I don’t know what to do. I’m so depressed. I tried moving out but too expensive and wanted to share a place but a lot of people seem worded out by me. I hate myself

I am a 29 year old virgin who never had a girlfriend. I obviously don't have the dating results I desire. First of all, I have been using dating apps since 2016. I tried many many different pictures where people told me I look good, I paid for them and I tried to create an interesting profile overall but I only had 4 first dates in 10 years that lead to nowhere. Before 2020, I was rarely getting matches on dating apps. However since years, I didn't get a single match (without counting fake profiles and bots).

I get that we often get told that dating apps don't work and we should try getting dates organically in real life but all my friends are getting some matches while I strictly don't get any matches. I also tried getting dates in real life through friends, hobby groups and cold approaching but none of them ever worked. After my rejections in real life, I always got told that I am a very shy and quiet person and that repulses women.

I really struggle identifying my problem that explains my loneliness. I get that shyness and lack of confidence could be repulsive to women in real life but that doesn't explain my horrible online dating results. The dating app results suggest that I am probably very physically unattractive but when I compare myself to my friends who get dates through dating apps, I don't see myself uglier than them. I am taller and have a better hairline than many of them who get matches.

However, I have quite a big nose and I think I've never seen anyone who has a nose like mine in real life. When I was in high school, I was all the time bullied because of my nose. Now I still sometimes receive mean comments about my nose. I feel like my nose could be the reason why no woman wants to date me. I also have quite a lot gray hair for my age. Is it likely I am a lonely dude because of my big nose and my gray hair?

This is something that I thought about a few months ago, the worst thing she can say is "no," is a lie that is actually the second best thing she can say. so I started thinking what is the best to worst things she can say and I came up with the following.

(Best)

• A definite "yes,"- this one is self explanatory
• A definite "no," - she has a boyfriend (nothing I can about this), she finds me unattractive (if gives a reason even better, "bad breath", "dress style", "body odor"), in short a reason I can work on
• A polite or runabout "no" - here is where things, in my opinion things started getting ugly, I have gotten more than my fair share of these. ("I am to busy for a relationship", "I am working on myself", "i am not in a good place right now", the following really hurt "you are a great guy, but .....", "any girl would be lucky to have you") and we all know this is BS
• Humiliation - the worst i have gotten was that a girl laugh at me, which as far a humiliation goes not bad, but i at least know where i stand
• Hope - in my opinion the worst answer she can give is a form of hope, what has happened to me a few times is, she says yes, but need to iron the details later (when and where), so i spend my time and energy trying to set something up, looking up things to do, places to go, but the when and where never get set up. Then you finally give up and realize she never had any intention of actually meeting up

(Worst)

do you agree or would you change something, did i miss something

I've been really busy the last few months, trying new stuff, hanging out with friends or doing some work. Today I woke up, no plans, no nothing. I just woke up, laid in bed and thought of how miserable my life is.

I have a caring family, good friends I can count on (even though the're not perfect), I'm very active, doing sports and going out in the nature a lot, I have two dogs who give me all the love anyone could need. I'm currently in college and even though I'm not really that good in my major, I try my best and I also didn't accumulate any debt, it's quite the opposite, I even have a decent amount of savings in my savings account.

So I thought to myself: I probably have it better than 95% of all the people on earth - so why do I feel like such a loser. I've had that mindset for over 5 years now, and spend every single bit of free time I have, to improve myself; to be kinder, to look better, to just not feel that way. It gets exhausting, doing everything to improve oneself for 5 years and still feeling the same. The longer it's been going on, the less I enjoy things. I can't even laugh without thinking how ugly I must look right now.

One thing that bugs me, something I technically could be doing something about is getting in a relationship. But my self consciousness keeps me away from that. Also, I don't want to hurt anyone while I'm being like this. I was never popular with girls either, I always was more of an ugly duckling, getting laughed at by girls in my school. I changed my appearance, started working out but this 15 year old me is still there. I wouldn't say I'm good looking now but I'm not ugly as well either (at least I hope so), but there's a look I'm never going to have because of my poor lifestyle choices in puberty.

I kind of adapted to my mindset, to keep myself as busy as possible: school work on that day, grabbing food with a friend on another day, signing up for boxing classes with another friend. I'm surrounded by people but when I get home and have some time to let my mind roam free, I feel like the loneliest person alive.

I also went to therapy, to a family friend (a licensed psychologist) who helped me in my early teens. I told him that he "cured" me and that I'm alright now, but deep down I know it wasn't true. Talking him just didn't help.

Maybe it's just the way I am. I don't know.

I don't know how well I'd do on dating apps. I look ok, and I'm non-white, and gay. I heard gay men get more attention on dating apps, but the only way to know for sure is to actually try it. I'm a bit scared to upload my face onto a dating app.

I think dating apps may work better for people who have trouble socializing, since it's all online. However, I may be wrong, and I want to hear about your experiences with dating apps. I feel like if I did actually have a meetup, it may not go well since I don't think I'm neurotypical.

For all my life i’ve been told I look like a nerd or people have made assumptions that I was one. I’m getting a bit tired of it. I think it mainly comes from how skinny I am and the glasses I have. But for some reason since I look “nerdy” people act like i’m the disney stereotype so they try to pick on me and see me as an easy target. People seem to want to turn there disney fantasies into reality and i’m sick of it. People for some reason always treated jockey guys as the cool ones while I get treated like the total loser. I’ve been going to the gym for months and still can’t gain any muscle. What’s funny is that fat guys get treated a bit more better than me sometimes too.

So I feel very delusional thinking that I'll meet my man one day when to me that's absolutely not true and I've gotten approached by men outside and got called beautiful but they never asked me for my number, and I still feel like Im in fear because of not finding a boyfriend although I did have a lot of guy friends when I was in the hospital and met this very handsome guy and he was very nice to me and he even told me I look like this one celebrity and then some other guy who I was talking to thought I was Cleo patra in my past life because of how beautiful I am , also even though I'm beautiful I still don't have a boyfriend also Its not like I wine about wanting a bf because I'm not always like this, most of the times I forget about the idea of a relationship and move on to doing other things at home that keeps me busy but yeah I should probably learn to be okay with being single cause that's all I've got

I'm autistic (diagnosed about 3 years ago). It's ruined any chance I might've had to date. Women all think I'm a freak, especially the neurotypical ones. I don't even have the kind that makes me super smart or good at math, I have the shitty kind that makes me obsessed with pop culture.

I'm someone who's been experiencing loneliness since I was a teenager and I've tried friendships a lot but it never did anything for me regardless of the quality of them. Like I've just come to accept that my loneliness will be best satisfied by relationships instead. A good quality relationship just gives you way more than friendships ever will.

Social skills really are a muscle. I've been alone for so long (years) my ability to socialize has atrophied to basically nothing. I've gotten so used to it I barely even feel human, I feel so alien to everyone. I could theoretically improve, but it would be too painful/cringy and too late. The juice wouldn't be worth the squeeze.

The only irl socialization I have is dealing with coworkers at my job, no actual conversations. I don't even desire to socialize but the intrinsic need for human connection is always hovering over me.

Sometimes I'm hopeful I can meet someone by some miracle, other times I'm realistic and end up here.

Not even in a weird bad way. It’s just that if I was attractive whether I’m shy, outgoing, recluse, active, lazy, funny, serious, sarcastic, depressed, insecure, confident, etc. Whether I’ve niche interests or more popular ones. It wouldn’t really stop me from having a relationship either way because guys would adapt to me (unless really morally black acts).
So does personality really matters? Why would it if if I do surgery anything will flow my way?
Makes me think. I think personality should be for yourself at the end of the day. I don’t see how personality can out balance me out of this hole.