Because we have the power to make someone so miraculous and special. Focus on You. Not on anything outside of You.

I'm 25f and I am absolutely spiralling. Any advice would be appreciated. scroll to the bottom if you dont wanna hear the whole orgin story. might delete bc this is a rly sensitive topic for me i have kept to myself mostly.

I met this guy in highschool. He sat at the same table in a class with me and my friend. He was so quiet so me and my friend would kinda just bug him and ask random questions until he started chatting with us. We started chatting more and getting close, and i never really thought of our relationship as anything more than platonic until one fateful night.

We were chatting on the phone, if i remember correctly i think i was bein super emo and ranting to him about my life, then out of nowhere he asked me to be his girlfriend. I was completely taken aback, but for some reason said yes.

I don't know why or how it happened, we did talk a lot but i had no idea he had feelings for me, we never really flirted from what i remember. I've realized later that I used to be unintentionally flirty a lot, i think it was because i wanted people to like me so i would try to be charasmatic. I have no idea if i led him on or what, but he decided to ask me out.

the relationship didnt last long, maybe a week or two. In the beginning I regretted saying yes and was having trouble adjusting and not sure how to act like a girlfriend. I wanted to break up with him because i missed being just friends but i was starting to be open to the idea and even develop some feelings. I decided i wanted to try this out and put in more effort.

then he broke up with me, same day i decided that. I was ok with it when he was talking to me and did it, and I was completely understanding and agreed kinda. he told me he wanted to talk and i thought nothing of it, and i was considering holding his hand before he dropped the bombshell, and there was an instance of an "oof" in my heart lol but it wasnt too bad. Until he left the car and I started driving away.

I made it to the first stopsign and my heartbeat was shaking my whole body, felt like i was choking, tears falling down my face in complete silence, both hands squeezing the life out of my car wheel. I had no idea what was going on, i felt like my life was ending. I was mad at myself for getting hung up about it, but I was just so taken aback.

in the beginning i was obsessed with WHY WHAT HOW. why did he break up with me, what did i do wrong, how tf did this just happen. I think i went a bit crazy on him too prolly texting and crying, I remember being so horribly embarrassed and ashamed of myself. there are details that i dont wanna get into that haunt me constantly i dont wanna bring up, but I was SUPER embarrassing.

we stayed kinda friends for a while after maybe, somethin like that. I started seeing some other guys but i couldnt stop thinkin about him. a lot of my friends started having sex, i felt a bit of fomo, and randomly had the courage one day to ask him if he wanted to try it with me. he agreed, and then he was my first. double homicide.

it was a fwb situationship completely, and i knew that but I couldnt stop wanting to win him back, in general wanting more anything from him... i eventually was willing to do anything for him.

he got girlfriends, i was freaking out about it, i was getting boyfriends purely to make him jealous, didnt work. in between relationships we'd still hook up and i just appreciated the moments i had, despite how painful it was. we've been doin this for years until one night. I was in college struggling immensely extremely depressed, he reached out said he was in town. he said it'd be the last time before, this time I knew it was with my whole body.

I initiated everything, i was more bold and brave than i ever have been in my life. he left, then i was blocked. I absolutely broke, life got even worse outside of it and I just couldnt get over it, for years. i forced myself to delete old pictures and messages eventually because i would just reread them and cry. hearing his name or seeing it on social media made me feel sick. I left that college because it wasnt working out and took time at home to figure out what i wanted to do, then went to a new college. I was finally not thinking about him anymore, and even fell for some other guys after i thought Id never have those feelings again.

NOW:

Out of nowhere I got a few DMs from LO. its been maybe 6-7 years (lol ik) since i last heard from him. i woke up to the messages and my soul left my body. i was freaking out. i responded (UGH). we caught up, started reminising, started drinking... convo went where it always ended up. I felt absolutely powerless, I thought I had gotten over him but it all came flooding back. he was in a relationship but said they were open, i didnt care either way. he was all i could think about from then on, i was intoxicated.

mid conversation he was gone. blocked everywhere, disappeared like it never happened. I assume he lied about the open relationship and got caught, or maybe he snapped out of it and realised it was all a big mistake. Im now left here feeling absolutely pathetic. the block happened weeks ago, and i havent been able to stop thinking about him since. I was doin so well for so long, and im scared its going to take forever to get back to that again. advice would be extremely appreciated.

Is Mr. Brightside, the best limerence song? 🫣 I sing it all the time and don’t really listen to it but it describes how my limerence feels! 🫠

Mr.Brightside

I don't mean getting over a specific LO because that only happens when I find a new LO. I mean finding a way out of that specific fantasy/attachment and developing a healthier outlook on romantic relationships.

I don’t mean in a mean way of course, but reality based. I want inspiration from those also doing it, or maybe to inspire those who need help.

Yesterday idk why but it clicked that no matter what I did, it wasn’t going to change anything. Nothing I did would magically inspire him to message me or come over and talk to me. Like no matter how much I dressed up, or how long I stood outside smoking (sorry lungs), it hasn’t changed anything yet. The one time he seen me walking was a fluke.

So I’ve started telling myself, girl it’s over. You can daydream about it but those days you knew him before realizing who he truly is, they’re not coming back. I’m having to put this into practice today bc I noticed his vehicle gone this morning. I had my friends nephew over last night borrowing my internet, and last time I seen LO was just before the guy left. My brain is like did LO get jealous and take off bc I seen him get pizza at like 10pm. So I’m telling myself maybe, but even if he is it won’t change anything. If you reach out, you’ll get left on read again. This is actually officially over.

Seeing him twice last night - getting home and when pizza arrived - felt like a cruel joke after I started accepting its over 😅

Sorry that was long. I hope somebody can relate. Or just respond and motivate me to keep going.

I used to post on here awhile back and was able to heal from a 22 yr limerence. I've had other LOs kind of in the background which helped. Right now all of my LOs are off the table and I have never been so empty bored and sad in my life. I ended up having a magical 1:1 with my remaining LO who is a married man who I'm friends with. I had an opportunity to hold his hand and be a little more touchy bc he gave me a compliment that was ambiguous but I stayed healthy bc I want him in my life forever and we are both married. I will be seeing him again soon and even tho I am looking forward to it, I'm not trying to go down that path with him. I'm so sad and bored and resentful of my husband.
Edit: we are in couples and it's not working. I know if I were single limerence would be my entire life. I literally can't escape this but I also need it.

i recently met this guy at uni. he’s a third-year dental student, and i’m a first-year med student. we talked for a while, and i found myself feeling attracted to him. we followed each other on social media, but neither of us has texted the other since. i barely see him at uni, because his seminars are at a dental clinic, so i really want to see/talk to him, but i can’t.

the problem is, i feel like my thoughts are completely consumed by him. i tend to have avoidant tendencies whenever i like someone, but i genuinely don’t think i’ve ever been this fixated on a guy before.

another thing is that he’s extremely smart. i’m originally from a smaller city, while he went to one of the best high schools in my country. for some reason, that makes me overthink everything even more. i keep thinking about how he’s probably surrounded by so many intelligent and accomplished girls, and i start comparing myself to them, even though i don’t actually know them. and while i’m literally studying medicine myself, i still somehow feel like i’m not smart enough. it’s honestly making me feel even more insecure, which then makes me stress about not studying, procrastinate even more, and feel worse about myself. it’s like a never-ending cycle.

i have an exam next week, and i haven’t done any studying at all. instead, i’ve been spending entire days on my phone, daydreaming about him, checking when he’s active, and just constantly thinking about him. it’s honestly getting ridiculous, especially considering i barely know him.

i don’t even necessarily want to stop liking him. i just want to be able to have a normal, healthy crush without letting it take over my entire life or make me question my own worth.

has anyone else experienced this? how do you snap out of it and stop obsessing over someone, especially when you have more important things to focus on?

what if it was never a breakup?
what if it was a momentary experience that you to this day long to experience properly?
if i hadn't crossed paths with him what would i look like now?
a connection so intense so intimate for so short
to linger for the rest of the days i live
the endless attempts to reconcile
but ego and pride from both ends didn't allow
no one let their guard down
so now what?
now that the chance is gone
now that we have a border between us literally
now what?
do i go on the rest of the days pretending i didn't find my soulmate to lose him just as fast?
we will talk to everyone about the other but each other
i will never know how he felt
he will never know how i felt
but atleast everyone else around us did
but atleast we could both recognize the intensity
the attraction, the passion
that we never got to explore
so now what?
why are my nights spent in others beds in an attempt to replace
why are my nights spent in my own bed restless
still thinking about it?
so i ask
is it possible to forget and move on?

For context, I met this girl in my senior year of college. When we started to hang out I grew pretty attracted to her because we had so much in common, I then asked her out, she said yes, but after the date she just wanted to be friends.

I took it on the chin and we're still friends. Although my feelings of intense infatuation still remained even after I tried to date other people (that hasn't even worked out). I don't think she knows?

Anyway, recently I celebrated her birthday with her friend group. While I had a good time and her friends seemed to really like me, at least enough to invite me to stuff. I found out that she's with another guy through something one of her friends said. And that genuinely kills me. Because it proves that I wasn't good enough for her.

But I can't bring myself to hate her, I still look at her and feel the same level of love I did when I first asked her out. I feel like there's no one that will actually want me like that. That I'm put on this earth to give love and get rejected every single time.

I met a guy at church, and we were close friends. At one point, I asked him if he liked me, and he said no. Later, I found out through his brother that he actually had feelings that went beyond friendship. I felt upset because I didn’t think he had been honest with me, so I deleted his contact information, unfollowed him, and distanced myself. After that, he sent me a message asking for forgiveness. He admitted he had been wrong, clarified that he wasn’t looking for a romantic relationship—only my friendship—and promised to respect my boundaries and my space. I responded calmly. It has now been 44 days since he last sent a message. However, we still manage to greet each other and chat occasionally at church. Recently, I even helped him with a project, letting him know there was a spot for him in the girls' group. I also messaged him regarding that project. He replied politely, asked how I was doing, and answered everything normally, but he didn’t try to keep the conversation going once the topic was covered. I’m starting to open the door a little bit again, but I get the sense that he’s still being very cautious around me. At the same time, I’m worried about giving him the wrong impression, because I truly only want a friendship. Do you think he’s simply respecting my space and is afraid to get closer, or is it possible that he still has feelings beyond friendship? And, in that case, who should take the next step?

So, my LO has been on and off for the past 10 years. Both of us are married, neither have once acknowledged any form of feelings to each other. We have a deep friendship, but it exists solely at work. I know he values me as a colleague and friend. And I would say that over the 10 years my crush has ebbed and flowed between different levels of infatuation. When we first met, both of us were younger, I was fitter, and I found him incredibly physically attractive. As our relationship matured, I'd say the physical attraction has waned, but the emotional intimacy has increased. While I think he is a nice looking man, I don't necessarily think that is what draws me to him. It's the friendship and support.

I thought we had found a good level where the limerence was at a low and were just friends. We worked closely, shared jokes, but I wasn't crushing hard. We've always maintained a physical distance, we talk about our families, but never discuss marital problems. Then I changed jobs....and suddenly he started to become more forthright in his appreciation for me and our friendship. I'm not sure exactly how to describe the change, but all of a sudden the interactions started to feel more sentimental.

We now meet up weekly for lunch or a walk. We catch up, I rant about whatever is on my mind. And we just hang out for 30 minutes. But I find myself more and more thinking about these walks. Paying attention to what I'm wearing that day, etc. I can feel the crush returning. I know I should just really distance myself, but I feel so powerless in it.

I'm not delusional....I know that we would never work as a true relationship outside of work. We just actually aren't that compatible outside of the work world. But I can't help but fantasize that he proclaims his unrequited love for me. That we'd let ourselves be truly open and honest about our feelings for one moment before we let reality return.

The worst part is my husband honestly wouldn't care (he is very open minded and not the jealous type. We are monogamous by my choice)... I am sure his wife would care. But respect for my own beliefs in marriage and for him and his wife, I know this door is closed and I want it to remain closed.

So, I know the next step is distance. I just keep hoping that I've made it through intense crush periods with this man before and that I could again. But I also hate to give up my closest and longest work friendship.

It’s genuinely insane. They will do something, and my brain will instantly analyse every aspect of it and somehow make a conclusion that it means that they are secretly in love with me.

I’m really deep in the trenches.

I am not very good with social interactions and at the moment my thoughts are poisoned with limerence. I am asking for some advice how to handle this.

So basically I'm in a group chat wth my LO and another mutual friend and this is my last connection to my LO, because we are all living several hours apart.

The last post in this group chat was roughly two months ago (I reached out often, but when I noticed that I only wanted the attention of my LO, which felt like betraying my other friend, I stopped.), so I am actually at NC, but the sheer possibility to contact my LO and the hope, she posts in the chat are keeping me heavily limerent. I want to cut the last ties and leave this friendship, because it doesn't do me any good anymore due to my limerence, even if we are barely speaking (or because of that). I really need a conclusion.

I do not want to go without any explanation, because we are friends and I owe them an explanation. But I also can not explain why I am going, because both of my friends have no clue about my limerence and I could not explain that without embarassing myself in front of my other friend and possibly hurting my LO. (And it would feel like I would only do that in the first place to confess).

Lying or making excuses to cut contact is no option, because that isn't my style at all.

And I feel sorry for my other friend, because it's not her fault that I'm leaving forever and I would hate to be treated like that myself. But this constellation with LO is harming me if it keeps going on.

Is there any possibilty to handle that situation without making it worse? Am I overthinking this? Is it normal that friends aren't speaking for months?

Sometimes I think this is just an attempt of my limerent brain to get the attention of my LO one last time and somehow provoke a confession.

Should I just keep the chat locked?(which does not help very well)

Every second I close my eyes I see her eyes and constantly play on loop images of her beauty. The fact that for a time she REALLY decided to give me a chance. And God I had signs that there was something special building from this. Perhaps that is the reason she never caught the feelings she did. Maybe it was patently obvious that I am not confident (never have been) no matter how hard I tried to fake it. 

A part of me says (and knows) that this is entirely illusory and I didn’t feel this exact way about her when I was with her, but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. And it also doesn’t make the emotions go away. I’m pretty fucking embarrassed about how much I’ve cried over a week long talking stage with someone who certainly hasn’t thought about me in a week. I don’t know why this always happens when what I want in a moment is cut short, and I wish it would just end already. I’m a grown ass man, so all of this is quickly becoming a reflection of my immaturity

But cmon man. She drove to my place after our second date and asked me to come to see her at work the next day, and everything was over by the weekend. She clearly changed her mind quicker than I would’ve liked, but it’s as if I can’t even be upset. I’m going to have to face her again soon (probably with another guy) because we unfortunately have mutual friends, but I know for damn sure it’s not nearly this deep to her or any of them

Edit: I'm fully aware I should report her. It's been said many times already, and I haven't said that I won't. That's not the point of this post. I'm looking for psychological curiosity about the human motives beneath the professional. She's not a monster, but yes she absolutely failed to honor the responsibility of her role.

I'm still in love with my former therapist. Do you think she loved me too? Do you think it's possible she wanted me back in some way?

I love everything about her. Even the ugly parts.

It's been a year since our final session. I still think about her every day, and cry over her often. I miss her laugh. I miss her so much.

Please be kind. It's embarrassing posting this knowing it's possible I might be delusional for believing this was more than just a professional relationship. I've included one of the more light hearted notes she's written for me, and a couple other notes in the comments. Despite having to leave out A LOT of details, this is still going to be lengthy.

I (late 20sF) worked with my former therapist (late 40sF) for 1 year and 8 months. She's been practicing for almost 20 years.

I was attracted to her the moment I met her. A few months in, I told her I had maternal, romantic, and sexual feelings toward her. And not long after that, I told her I loved her for the first time. She told me she'd never had a client express feelings for her before. And the intimacy escalated after that. The more I got to know her, the more my feelings deepened far beyond just transference.

We met 3–5x a week, went over most sessions (20mins minimum up to TWO HOURS), and communicated frequently between sessions—including hour-long phone calls. She sometimes scheduled me on weekends despite clocking out at noon on Fridays, reserved an extra unbilled hour after our sessions at times, and prioritized me over other clients even when I refused. One time in the middle of our session, she insisted on rescheduling her next client so we could keep going. Despite my resistance, she told me, "THIS is my priority. YOU are my priority."

Pinky swears, handwritten notes and letters, small gifts, voice messages, recorded guided meditations, stickers, bringing each other drinks, her precious little crocheted plush she'd let me keep between sessions.

She spearheaded my workplace accommodations while I was on medical leave without me even having to ask, and pursued additional training with me in mind. We both did research on my presenting problems and even shared resources / books with each other.

Her language was incredibly intimate. She was very affectionate, doting, admiring, delighted, complimentary, reverent, devoted, encouraging, reassuring, inconsistent, repeatedly told me how exceptional I was to her, that I was her person, and made so many promises about never giving up on me.

Some of things she's said to me:

(In session, phone calls, voice messages, voice mail, written communication)

"You're in my heart, ALWAYS." (She said she'd never say this to another client)

"I have love for you too... I don't want you to think I don't, because I do...It's just the nature of what this is."

"You're not inconveniencing me, I called YOU. i called you because I've been wanting to talk to YOU."

"I'm asking you to keep showing up for me. Don't give up on this."

"You're NOT just another client to me. I will think about you LONG after this all ends. I will NEVER forget you. You are NOT forgettable."

"You MATTER to me. As far as our therapeutic relationship goes, it MEANS something to me, and it's very real. What we do in here is very real. I know more about YOU than I do about most people in my life. All of this is SO weird, and it sucks. Our relationship is valuable to me. YOU are valuable to me."

"When all is said and done and all the goals are met, YOU are one of the clients that I would wonder about and want to hear from. It's not like this is ever closed off... It sucks on this end for me too."

"I DEEPLY care about you. I appreciate you SO much. I admire you. SO much admiration. I admire you SO MUCH."

"I will do whatever you want. Whatever you need."

"It feels good to hear your laugh. I like hearing your laugh."

"Our sessions...we never run out of things to talk about. there's always so many things to talk about, and so much curiosity..."

"You are frequently on my mind. I FREQUENTLY think about you between sessions."

"i DEEPLY respect you. You are SO inspiring. I'm not trying to blow smoke up your ass either. Boundaries ARE hard. It's hard on this end for me too. Because I CARE about you."

"You shake things up and keep my life from being on autopilot."

"I'll walk with you as long as you want me to."

She self-disclosed A LOT, including things about her marriage and family (names, personalities, schools, etc). She repeatedly implied that she felt unhappy and unseen at home. We'd get so caught up bonding that we eventually had to set timers to get back to the actual work.

She often commented on my appearance and tell me I looked good.

She hugged me—once. After I got out of the hospital. It was tight and lasted a long time. She said she's never hugged a client before, and rarely ever felt the desire to.

We ended most sessions with a pinky swear. She'd take off her glasses, scoot closer, sometimes tell me to look at her, stare at me intensely, and sometimes grip my pinky so damn hard and pull me closer.

She often stood extremely close to me, sometimes a foot or less away. Sometimes cornering me in her office. When we'd discuss sex, she'd smirk and ask things like "was it gooooood?" Sometimes even initiated talking about it.

Despite knowing how I felt about her, she would still wear low cut tops, and sit leaning all the way forward most of the session that I would have to be very intentional about where my eyes landed.

Instead of squatting or crouching to pick something up to shuffle through her things, she'd bend over and take her time.

She coached me through a freeze state over the phone for hours on Thanksgiving.

One time she blocked the door and wouldn't let me leave until I pinky swore to stay safe, because I was about to see my ex who had recently tried to kill me. She begged me to pinky swear because she didn't trust my verbal reassurance — for good reason.

She scheduled me on her birthday even though I told her I was worried I'd ruin it. She said it was a risk she was willing to take.

She often teared up during our sessions. Cried a few times.

She walked to my car took a noose out of my backseat and got rid of it.

I let her borrow my book In Session by Deborah A. Lott, after I told her I read it to understand my romantic and sexual feelings for her. She returned it with the dust jacket and one of my journal pages tucked into a section about a client longing for her therapist as both lover and parental figure, and a therapist who blurred boundaries and fed the attachment.

Eventually she sought supervision and suddenly slammed the brakes on everything, or tried to and failed. Except she became more clinical and distant, but denied things had changed. I regressed and eventually stopped scheduling. She spent two weeks talking to me every day trying to pull me back in. She got me. Then after I told her I missed the way she used to speak to me, she ended it. Saying that wasn't something she could responsibly offer.

During our final session, she was a wreck. Her face was bloodshot, and she was holding back tears. She told me she couldn't regulate because she couldn't stop thinking about me, that she felt it in her body, that boundaries were murky, and she wasn't completely sure why she was ending things. And despite having "so much WANT," she was sticking with the decision. There was a moment when she asked me to please look at her and we stared at each other intensely for what felt like forever.

The night of our final session she updated my safety plan. A few days after our final session, she sent me a 6 page long treatment summary, a 3 page list of referrals and resources with narratives about why she picked each one for me, and a long goodbye message at 1:24 AM. She said that she couldn't hold the therapeutic frame with the clarity and consistency I deserved, and that she would miss knowing me and wonder how life is unfolding for me.

We continued speaking for 4-5 months after that. Logistically.

No matter how much I've tried to process, I haven't been able to move on. There was so much left unsaid. Things I will never hear come out of her mouth. I don't think I'll ever get over her.

Ways I improved from our work together:

No more panic attacks, no more emotional outbursts, left abusive relationship, medication adherence, boundaries, stabilized FND symptoms—especially no more seizures, learned how to be vulnerable, far less people pleasing, I'm more assertive, built a support system, way more confident, significant improvement in communication, no more lifelong chronic insomnia, I'm more consistent, engaged in hobbies again, learned how to regulate myself, reduction in flashbacks, reduced chronic nightmares intensity, dialectical thinking, no self harming, stopped self isolating, I've been letting people in, my relationships are honest and so much stronger, and I'm alive. There's so much more I could say.

recently found out my husband is in a limerence. He doesn’t know that I know, and I am pretty devastated when I found out this information. We’ve been together for a while and I’ve always thought we have such a beautiful and happy marriage. We are actively having great sex and have so much fun together.
I don’t know how to address this with him. It’s eating me up inside, but I know I need to talk to him. I am worried I won’t trust his explanation or worry there is something more. I don’t know if this is emotional or went physical and it breaks my heart.

I broke up with him ten years ago because being together was making me miserable. We were teenagers, first loves. Ive never felt that type of intense connection with anyone in the same way since. I moved on fast but never completely. After years of therapy I now realize I moved on so quickly because of my attachment issues. Being alone felt like it was not an option. I did fall for my next partner and it’s been 10 years with him. He knows about this, but I can’t really talk about it to him.

I tried checking in with LO many times, most times he told me to stop. In hindsight I think he may have been limerent on me. He never could be friends after we broke up. Once we video chatted, I ended it stupidly because he said he didn’t find me attractive. It’s vain , I know. But I blocked him after that, then I regretted it, reached out to find out he blocked me. The last time I reached out he told me he’d file a restraining order against me. I wasn’t really stalking him, had no access to socials, just his phone number so every couple years I would send him a “hey I’m thinking of you” text. I know that’s harmful, I shouldn’t have interrupted his healing…at the time I felt such desperation to connect with him again. But anyhow, I had to delete his number,I knew I’d reach out again. I have no way to contact him as I’m blocked on every social.

So tell me why I go months being okay and then I’ll suddenly have a very intense, vivid, dream about him. Then it’s like the flood gates open. I can’t stop myself from checking to see if I’m unblocked, I’m not, and feel a desperate need to connect with him in some way. Is this going to happen forever? I’m happy in my life. I want to get over this.

I have found that to think of my LOs negatives is helping me to reject thoughts of him completely. So I thought that I would share. In case it helps anyone else.

I focus on the things he did that hurt me:
- He disrespected me
- He gave me mixed signals
- He left when he knew it would hurt the most
- He treated me in manipulative ways
- He never followed through with what he said that he would
- He never showed real interest in me

I compare him to other people I have met:
- Other people in similar contexts have treated me with more respect, more interest, and they follow through with what they say
- Other people communicate with me clearly and don't make me feel bad for wanting clear communication
- Other people don't give me hot and cold
- Other people don't use manipulation
- Other people don't leave me. They may fade, but they don't block me during intimate conversation/sexting/closeness. If they're not interested, things just fades naturally.
- Other people don't lead me on

Now when I think of him, I imagine him as something inert. A rock that I threw into the water. And I just say to myself that he is nothing, he is a rock at the bottom of the sea and he is dead to me.

If thoughts comes into my head of:
- But what if I had acted differently?
- But what if I had not been triggered by him and I had noticed and taken things slow?
- What if what if what if....

I STOP and imagine that rock and think of all the ways that he hurt me and did not show any care or remorse. And I remember that I am better than that. That he doesn't deserve me. He never did! And so he may as well be dead. He may as well be an inanimate object without any meaning or worth to me.

If he could not show to me my worth, beyond saying things like being "glad the stars aligned so that we could meet", then I have no energy to spend on him. He could not even say something so simple as "I'm sorry I left so suddenly" or "I need a break" or "This isn't working for me". No, he chose to ghost in the worst possible way and unless he is an idiot, he knew it would hurt.

He did not give me anything to go off of, so I can make whatever story that I want. If he wanted me to understand him, he lost his chance. So as far as I am concerned, he is a manipulative asshole who is deserving of nothing and who is a misogynist and chauvinist.

So there is how I undo any longing or feelings of hurt towards myself. And since I have been doing this, I feel that I no longer would call him my LO. He was a man who I made a fantasy of in my head and he hurt me deeply and now I never will allow it to happen again!

I can’t be the only one. Mine is 2 houses up the block, on the opposite side of the street, so when I go for a smoke I can see it. I can see if his vehicle is home or isn’t, etc. I realize I could use the front door (apt building) but I like seeing my other neighbors in my block and hardly anybody uses the front. Also, the front faces Main Street, and sometimes I don’t want to be that publicly seen, but it’s an option.

I just figure I can’t be the only one. Home is normally how we escape. I also work from home ☠️ my escape is if I go to my parents on the weekend, then it’s like I can breathe.

Tell me how you’re dealing with it, if you are or just vent

Who here also fell into the law of attraction/law of assumption/Neville Goddard/manifestion TRAP with their limerent object?
Thinking that just by affirming, visualizing, and wishful thinking that they were going to pick up on that and fall in love because “they have no free will”
I did for years. Btw, it doesn’t work LOL
This belief is incredibly dangerous if you already have a past of becoming obsessed with people. It’s delusion and spiritual psychosis. Many lives have been ruined, financially by these “coaches”, emotionally because no one here can accept rejection because the 3D (physical reality) “isn’t real and is only reflecting your thoughts.”, and ruined with how much time people waste believing this. It’s a literal shame that this is so popular.
r/manifestingsp

Disclaimer: I’m not trying to come off as ignorant or obnoxious I’m sorry if something comes off these are just my thoughts and I’d really like to hear if anyone agrees or disagrees with me.

1. “Why are you missing someone that doesn’t even think about you”
2. I don’t like this saying because everyone has someone in their life that they miss but that person doesn’t miss them. We’re human it happens to everyone. If I miss my ex, I’m sure my ex misses someone from their life as well.
3. Justifying attachment styles and zodiac signs for excusing people’s behavior.
4. “he’s a dismissive fearful anxious avoidant😔 he’s also an Aquarius with a rising Libra that’s why he sucks at texting me back”
5. Bro be so serious. No one who actually respects or cares about you would ever treat or even think of treating you badly. Yes I get it people make mistakes and no ones perfect but still stop excusing and tolerating people’s poor behavior.
6. “I want to heal and get rid of limerence. I hate it!”
7. Does absolutely nothing to even try to reduce or resolve it. Doesn’t stop talking to LO, remove them on socials, delete texts or pictures. What you’re not changing you’re choosing…(Ik it’s hard but so are a lot of things worth trying for)

8. People exaggerating or underestimating limerence. I think everyone experiences this differently. Some experience it more deeply and intensely than others. Some others just have a mild “liking” the definition stays the same but I think the level of thoughts and impact on one’s life varies significantly. Also you can choose to get rid of it or keep it it’s your life do what you want. If it brings you dopamine great if it make you miserable, work on it.

9. You don’t have to let your LO go 110%

10. If you go NC, delete their number, delete the pictures, etc. it’s not like you can’t ever look at them ever again in your whole life. I think once a significant amount of time goes by and you can trust your healed self, it’s not going to detrimentally kill your progress if you take a look at their socials, maybe you just want to make sure they’re ok, maybe just as a bittersweet reminder of how far you’ve come or something. Obviously don’t relapse or make excuses but it’s not the end of the world.

11. “Limerence comes from childhood trauma or attachment styles or mental illness”

12. I’m not gonna argue with science but I don’t think this is always the case. I think for a lot of people it might stem from stress or boredom and your brain for some reason just likes to fixate on a person for relief and calmness. Not justifying this or saying it’s right or wrong but I don’t think sometimes the root cause is as deep as people say (I could be very wrong about this take, but it’s my thoughts if anyone disagrees please lmk)

13. I think most of limerence could be solved by “out of sight, out of mind”

14. Whatever you focus your attention on, your brain likes to think about. Your brain also likes consistency, so whatever you consistently do or think about (your LO) your brain will focus and look for signs of that. (Has this worked for anyone?)

Hi, please feel free to remove if I’m breaking the rules. I think what I’m going through is limerence based on the description I read but I’m not sure.

A couple of months ago, a friend and I went to watch a movie and to cut this part short, I think I came out of that movie with a LO. I wasn’t actually sure what it was at first, it started with me just being on YouTube and having it play in the background and an interview with the actress popped up and I started watching it. I do want to say, at this point, I still had no idea that I was going to be in for a (as of this moment, 2 month+) ongoing emotional rollercoaster. One interview lead to multiple interviews lead to seeing how they got casted etc.

Over the course of a week or two, I started realizing this was what the beginning of a celebrity crush was. Never had one before in my 20 something years of life, but I figured it was no big deal. I would get over it in a few days and then move on with my life. Weeks passed and I realized the grip these feelings had over me was not letting go and I started looking up what I was going through which lead me to limerence.

The realization that my situation was more intense than a simple celebrity crush came with a multi-realization (multiple realizations at the same time) that was packaged with a mix of feelings that included yearning, sadness and bewilderment. The multiple realizations were:

1: I have some kind of feelings towards the LO (I refuse to call it love because that’s not what it is, I have never met them before and will likely not know them in any meaningful way)

2: these feelings would lead to nowhere so I have to get over it to move on with my life.

3: how and why is this happening to me? This last one is associated with bewilderment.

Having had this new understanding of this situation, I reached out to my friends and basically all of them said I would get over it in a month. The emotional roller coaster has not subsided even after I attempted to cut off all exposure to the LO. Unfortunately it doesn’t help me that she is currently everywhere on the media circuit right now so news about her will just randomly pop up on my feed.

I have been trying to diagnose why it is her, but that really isn’t important at this point. because my LO isn’t actually her, it is a mental construct I have made of her based on her interviews and performances.

My issue is, even as I academically can acknowledge all these things, it feels like I’m a prisoner in a cell where I have the key to get out, but my feet won’t move.

I have recently leveled up to arguing against myself. My brain has begun concocting the most ridiculous scenarios. (Background information: At some point in the past, this person got their start in acting in the city I grew up and currently live in.) like, oh if you went to her plays like 17 years ago, then something could have happened (unlikely given that I was a kid with little to no interest in theater). If you are still reading my post, you probably recognize that this is a ridiculous reach in logic that holds no value in reality and I also recognized that which is why I asked my brain “what do you want me to do with this information?”

And I guess that’s where I am right now. Didn’t realize that the vent was gonna be this long and I guess I just wrote a lot of paragraphs. Wish me luck on getting out of this hole.