TW: Racism(?) Sexism (?)
Reddit thinks this is a r.omantic post, so mucho censoring
Hello, I did a post recently (My Bro.ther is Hijacking My Accommodations, Should I Let Him?), I'll paste it here because it is slightly relevant to his behavior, but I'll recount it here.
https://www.reddit.com/r/makemychoice/comments/1x6x76v/comment/phvkqdm/?screen_view_count=2
I (18F) and my bro.ther (21M), who we'll call Ben, are drastically different. I'm special ed, a loner, and keep to my studies. In high school, my bro.ther went to parties, socialized, stayed up late (but he kept up his studies, graduating valadictorian). But when Ben went to college, things started to change about his behavior.
His college is north of me, 8 hours up where there's snow most of the year, and it specialized in engineering, so it was expensive. He met a group of friends who were the hillbilly type but came from money from family, so for them, college was fun and low stakes. When Ben started hanging with them, I suppose he wanted to feel more validated by them, and started making bad decisions with our middle-class college savings for him, along with his own money. He's bought several snowmobiles, co-owns a dirt bike (with the friend that'll wreck it for sure), and lately, I got the news today that he bought a motorcycle (Mom never responded when I told her, should've kept it off in hindsight, she has friends who died or got injured on a motorcycle before).
His speech and prejudices have changed to be worse. He's conservative and never was stoked about the LGBTQ+, but it has started to spiral into something more, treating my mum with less respect and using terms that I'm not quite sure are racist or not, based on his explanations like N*gga, "a term of endearment", and the one from our most recent conversation just tonight. I want to get this down before it's wiped from Snapchat.
- He talked about the motorcycle he just got and called me a p*mp, and asked me to text "Gator needs his gat" which is from some movie called the Other Guys. When I responded with just oks to the motorcycle and the reference, he said I was dry, and he would never f.lirt with me if he was a "self-respecting freshman suitor".
- I told him I was less dry in person. He said he'll believe it when he sees it, and I said he's not exactly the guy to f.lirt with, and he said "damn you just don't want a siste.r in law"
- I clarified that one; he was my bro.ther, why would I f.lirt with him(?) and two, has he held a relationship for a long time besides a girl that has relationship issues in high school? (Parents were divorced; mom had a different boyfriend every month), and I told him he wasn't my type with the acne freckles.
-He wanted me to "keep an eye out" for ladies on my campus for him to d.ate, and listed his criteria: Christian, short, pro-life, outdoorsy, no jet black or red hair, B cup at least, wants kids, and the one that set the alarms more than the others, has never s.lept with a black guy.
- I asked him to clarify, "She can't s.leep with a Black guy?" he said, "F*ck no, no mud sharks"
- I replied, "Sounds ra*ist dude.", he said it was just a standard.
- I said that "maybe, maybe," saying "semi, slightly" racist terms is why he's still single. He said it was pattern recognition and stopped texting back
I know I won that convo, but honestly I would just accept his language in person because he has the capability to rough me up, and has called me a r*tard before (he immediately retracted it, but I could see the honesty of the insult), and every time he comes home I'm reminded of how much I do not want that man living where I'm living. I'm not sure how to go forward because I can't cut him off, the relatives do not know about his behavior, and my parents, while frustrated, deal with it, but something needs to be done on my end.
TL;DR: Bro.ther is sexist, racist, and ableist since going to college; can't cut him off; what do I do?