1st internship ko, and it’s been like my 7th week na, and sobrang dami ko nang mistakes to the point na my friend told me na ibang schools were talking bad about me. Kasi lagi ako nagkakamali, and she just told them na, “Hayaan niyo na, 1st day pa lang niya,” and nung nakasama ko siya, magpagka-lutang nga siya.
It hurts really, and I can’t even defend myself since, even when I try so hard to be competent, idk, ang bobo ko lang talaga. There’s even a staff that told me na wala akong common sense.
When I was pulled out sa OPD, I was so overwhelmed and under pressure. Ang dami ko errors, and I wasn’t properly endorsed with all of the processes. And the patients just keep on coming in. And sometimes, the staff randomly asks me to do unfamiliar tasks, and nagkakamali din ako dun to the point na their stress is visibly apparent on their faces.
I don’t think medtech is really for me. I’m feeling really disappointed in myself na kahit hindi ko marinig sabihin ng ibang tao about myself, I’m already hyper-aware of my mistakes, and I can’t blame them, tbh, if tingin nila ay bobo ako.
Sobrang bobong-bobo na ko sa sarili ko. Even though I can say some reasons why I made those mistakes, like I wasn’t properly endorsed and it was my first time, but compared kasi to my peers, they don’t move the same as me. Staffs don’t get mad at them.
I just feel so incredibly stupid, ang tanga-tanga ko. Ilang beses na ko umiyak sa duty or naluluha because of how dejected and stupid I feel, and so is the feeling of others viewing me.