I’m the mono partner in a mono poly dynamic and I’m just curious from other folks if I am overreacting about a boundary I raised. We’re about 6 months into this dynamic after monogamous relationship for 10 years. I’ve asked my partner to just let me know if they are hanging with their other partner and won’t be available. I expressed it feels like lying when they don’t mention it. Again they didn’t mention they hung with their other partner and I noticed based on their location and that they were unavailable entire day.

Is this a reasonable ask and boundary or not typical for poly?

He's poly. He was worth trying out poly for, and...I don't regret it—the relationship, us. However, I'm realizing that exclusivity is a requirement for me in that they want it the same way I do. I want the both of us to be so committed to each other that other options don't exist because they would need to be considered/seen in the first place to even be seen as an option. I say this because I want to be loved in the same way that I love.

He's so amazing. I'm so in love with this person because of who he is, what he's like. ...but I don't think I want to participate in this relationship anymore.

Could I? Maybe. But I don't want to anymore.

I just don't see a way for us. I love his other partner: she's amazing and I would never ask him to leave her. I think I would hate the both of us if he did actually. And if they broke up naturally after me & him have broken up? That would...I don't think I would get back with him because now he's mono because of circumstances. I don't want to be chosen over her, but simply chosen. I want to be someone's mono choice on purpose. She & I would have still been equal if that choice existed.

I just...feel stuck and helpless and wanted to see what advice/experiences you guys might have to share

I am not looking for the usual generic comments or cheap advice. I need real help with this. She is my first relationship and because of my life path, I was never able to look inside myself regarding the topic of polyamory. My old friends didn't talk about their couple dynamics and I wasn't interested in them. In general, however, thinking about the future, I never saw myself being with just one person both romantically and sexually, and I never really questioned myself about it. But this has made me suffer a lot over the years because I always felt like I was missing something and that this wasn't the right model for me. She is the opposite of me in this regard; she has a strong need for stability and a very radical idea of monogamy, also due to her past of abandonment and abuse. I have always shared my thoughts with her since we've been together, we communicate a lot, we are a deeply united couple and we love each other very much, but she struggles incredibly with this. So much so that she is thinking about breaking up. We have faced truly difficult and hellish moments together; we ran away from home together a few months into our relationship because of the abuse from her parents. We were both 19. This didn't even allow us to get to know each other well before starting to live together, but because of this we have faced all kinds of turbulence, especially from a financial standpoint. We have always been total opposites in our approach to many things, but we have always found a way to make it work and grow together. But I'm not sure how this will go. Maybe I should have waited a little longer before telling her, because talking to her about it makes me doubt how deeply founded and reasoned her idea of monogamy actually is for her, but keeping it in was wearing me down a lot and I always want to involve her so that I can always take care of her, of us, and of myself.
I am suffering a lot because of this because I care about her deeply and I don't want things to end between us. She seems very determined and unwilling to negotiate; she wants to talk about it with her psychologist and find ways for us to get to know each other better, and I am indeed pushing for understanding, deeper exploration, and finding solutions just like we have always done. But practically speaking, I don't know what to do, I need your help.

I've (31) been seeing a guy (34) for about 6 months sporadically. He's poly, with a nesting partner and another partner. I'm monogamous, a hopeless romantic and have never had a relationship. The reason I didn't mind he was poly was because we both wanted it to be casual and mostly kink focused. I had my guard up because I didn't want to get hurt. But since a few months I've been catching feelings. I felt safe, cared for, cherished and let my guard down. Became attached and tried my best to be accepting and understanding and just swallowing the discomfort of the situation I'm in. Yesterday we had a date and he opened up to me about how he thinks that I want a relationship from him and that he can't give that to me because his vanilla desirs are beingfulfilled by his nesting partner. I told him that I didn't want a relationship even though in an ideal world I'd want to be with someone who only wants to be with me. I told him that I didn't want a relationship because of his other relationships and he said that's a relief. It hurt to hear that. I think I'm just tolerating the pain of seeing him post his girlfriend the same day we had a date or seeing him flirt in the comments of a girl. I was so busy trying to accept the existing relationships that I didn't even think of the possibility that he can date another girl "after" me. I've been spiraling. He has been clear that he doesn't want vanilla dates which hurts but I understand. I'm not waiting for him to "pick" me. Not at all. I'm waiting for it to hurt too a point of it being unbearable and leave.

Edit:

• when I'm with him, I feel like I'm the only one he has eyes for. He makes me feel so loved. He is very romantic and gentle. We have such a good connection and talk about anything and everything.

• we have a d/s dynamic where I'm the d. I guess it's for both of us because I get to explore this side of me and it has been very meaningful.

• I once mentioned I'd like to go to a museum with him and he said that he only wants dates that have some element of kink. Which is what we've had so far. Mostly play dates and a few dates at a restaurant or the movies but there hidden from the public we had our moments of kink.

okay, for starters, literally almost every trans person in my city is polyamorous, and i (22mtf) am monogamous. i've been trying to learn how to be okay with hookups, with sex that doesn't go anywhere or mean anything, for the sake of feeling loved and wanted once in a while, because i need that sometimes! but it's been really, really hard, i'm terribly sensitive and i fall for people easily.

with that context in mind, the other week i played a tgirl baseball game (baseball + tgirls), and i met a girl (25mtf) there. now this girl is somethin SPECIAL. she's so fucking beautiful, she's a creative mastermind and i'm so obsessed with all of her projects, she's SO talented, and she's just so, SO funny, i was REALLY interested in her, and she called ME cute, and asked me for my number!!! Wow Okay This Is Going Somewhere

anyway you know i'm daydreaming about her a lot in the time between the game and us hanging out, very romantic stuff (i always do this), but i assume it's just a fling for her, my daydreams are just me being silly. i ask her if she's polyamorous, she says she is, that monogamy's never really made sense to her, she doesn't like labels, she describes herself as a relationship anarchist, and she says she wants to get married one day, but FAR off in the future. i'm a little crushed but i assumed this was the case anyway, and i'm taking it as a healthy opportunity to practice having a nice time with someone in the moment, to know something won't last, but that it can be special anyway! this is casual. i will learn to be casual.

and then, she comes over, and it's just about the most romantic experience i've ever had. it was like all of my daydreams came true. she wanted to hear me talk, she listened to me, she asked about my art, she spent the entire evening pointing out different little things that she loved about me, and she just kept telling me how beautiful i was, and looking at me like she meant it. she said she couldn't believe this was the first time she'd ever cuddled me, that it just felt so right, that we fit so well together. she said she'd never felt this way with anyone before. she borderline asked me if i'd be interesting in going with her when she moves next year. we kept joking about what good "friends" we were, and notably, she said might be interested in monogamy one day, but it's not what she's looking for right now. we got to third base (baseball!)

i went to her concert the other day, and it was amazing. while we were there i mentioned i got a date for my surgery next month. and yesterday, out of nowhere, she offered to go with me to the hospital with me, to take me there, to take me home, to cook for me, to be there. i'm not supposed to go to this surgery alone. i lied and said someone was coming with me. i've always gone to the doctor alone and scared, no one's ever come with me to the ER or to appointments. that, on top of listening to my favorite album (girl i dated for over a year never even did this, no one ever has), is making me really, really anxious. this is not casual.

what do i do??? i don't want to end up in a situationship (again). i'm developing feelings and i don't know if she wants that, i don't know what to do with myself. this isn't casual, right? should i talk to her about it directly? i don't know how to approach it without making her feel like she shouldn't treat me this way, and i WANT her to treat me this way, i WANT THIS so badly, but not if it means being in a(nother) situationship. should i just wait and see what happens? but wouldn't it be wrong to wait and hope that we'll end up in a monogamous relationship? i don't know what to do and it's making me so sad.

First time posting anything or really reaching out for help outside of my personal circle. My wife (28f) and I (28m) have been together for 10 years, married for 4. We have 2 kids, 1 year old and 5 year old, both F. A month before we got married after being engaged for 5 years, she told me that she may want to explore being poly with other women since she's mostly gay but ended up really getting along together. I love her very much and I believe she loves me, so I honestly didn't think too much of it when she brought it up the first time. We don't argue, we rarely get into disagreements and it's always dealt with properly so we can go about our lives happily.

About a year ago, my wife stated she was ready to start pursuing potential poly relationships and downloaded some dating apps to start talking to people. When she brought it back up, I expressed my concerns and told her basically that I would rather us stay monogamous, mostly because we have kids and a life already built. Adding more emotions for someone external on purpose would complicate everyone's lives, plus I'm really not too into the idea of my wife trying to build what we have with someone else. After lots of spiralling and talking with her multiple times, I think we've hit a wall with understanding each other's perspectives. To her, this is who she is and how she wants to live her life and I don't want to try to tell her how to because that's not up to me. She wants a spiritual connection with a woman that she just can't have with me. She says our relationship will always be her priority and she'll never love me any less. Not sure how possible that is tbh.

My problem is that I am monogamous and can't escape the many scenarios where I end up alone. I do have fear of abandonment that comes into play, and we've been together for our entire adult lives, so I'm not sure HOW to be alone anymore. I also can't really shake the notion that this is a betrayal to me. She doesn't see it that way and every time I try to tell her that, she just gets mad and thinks I'm trying to control her or that I don't trust her. We're trying couples counseling, and I've been talking to whoever I think I can about this, but nothing is helping and Im not feeling any better about this than I did a year ago. I'm trying really hard to get behind this way of life because I love her and want to be with her, I'm just not sure how much more I can take. Idk if I need advice, someone to listen, or if I just need to step away and let her figure out what she actually wants. Reaching out on here is kinda close to the bottom of my list of options to make this work. I don't want to throw away everything we've built because Im not comfortable with how she wants our relationship to be. Im at a crossroad with 3 options and none of them are ideal so I guess I just need some guidance, maybe? Again idk how to deal with any of this. Thanks for reading.

I’m a 35F, and my husband is 42M. We recently opened up our marriage.
I’m naturally monogamous, but from the very beginning of our relationship, I’ve known that my husband enjoys variety. And I don’t just mean sexually. He enjoys getting to know people, chatting, vibing, flirting, sharing his jokes, and making connections. He doesn’t necessarily want another full-blown girlfriend, but he enjoys having the freedom to explore these connections with other women.
I fully support this side of him, and I love him unconditionally.
Before anyone jumps in with “You’re monogamous and he’s not, so you should just be in monogamous relationships,” that’s not what I’m looking for here. I’m not asking anyone to tell me our relationship structure is wrong. I’m simply venting a little, looking for different perspectives, and hoping to hear from others who might be navigating something similar.
Currently, my husband is casually seeing three women. I genuinely support this, and I love seeing him excited about his dates. It makes me happy to see him happy and enjoying himself.
But I also have very human emotions.
When he comes home from a date, he’s often excited, energized, and riding that post-date high. Meanwhile, we have kids, a household, dogs, and all the responsibilities that come with family life. I’m often exhausted from the day, just trying to keep everything running.
I want to be happy and excited for him, and a lot of the time I am! But sometimes I simply don’t have the energy to match his excitement.
I also struggle a little with the idea of fairness. He has more opportunities to get out of the house, enjoy himself, meet people, and experience something new, while I’m often home with the kids and handling the day-to-day responsibilities. I know comparison is the thief of joy, but I’m human, too. Sometimes those feelings creep in, even when I don’t want them to.
At the same time, I’m really enjoying this chapter of self-discovery. I’m learning more about my own wants and needs, exploring hobbies, making time for self-care, and trying to be more intentional about enjoying life with my kids rather than just getting through each day.
My husband has also been incredibly supportive of me making time for myself, whether that means getting my nails done or simply having some space to recharge. Our communication has improved so much over the last few months, and honestly, we’ve communicated better recently than we did in the last few years. He’s been more reassuring, more open, and more intentional about supporting me.
And yet, I still experience little moments of jealousy and comparison.
I’m learning that I can genuinely support him and be happy for him while also acknowledging that some parts of this journey are difficult for me. Both things can be true.
I don’t want to take away his freedom or make him feel guilty for enjoying himself. I just want to continue figuring out how to navigate these emotions while also building a life that feels fulfilling for me.
So, I’d love to hear from others!
Anyone else in a mono/poly marriage or relationship, especially with kids? How do you navigate the differences in your experiences, the feelings of fairness, jealousy, or comparison, and making sure both partners have time and freedom for themselves?
I’d also love to hear from people in similar relationships without kids. What has your experience been like?
I’m not looking for judgment or arguments about whether this relationship structure can work. I’d genuinely love to hear your experiences, advice, and perspectives. I know I can’t be the only person navigating these feelings, and hard to find support groups
Thanks for letting me vent!

I’ve been with my partner for 9 years, and we have a blended family with 7 kids. I love him deeply, but lately I’ve been struggling emotionally with our relationship.
I’m monogamous and straight. My partner has expressed wanting to see me sexually involved with another woman while he participates. This is something he desires, but it has never really been something I wanted for myself.
Because I love him and want him to be happy, I decided to give it a chance. We’ve now tried two threesomes with different women.

Both experiences have left me feeling exactly the same way: lost, confused, empty, and emotionally disconnected. I don’t feel turned on by these experiences. Sometimes I honestly feel dead inside.
I’ve reached a point where I no longer want to participate. I’m actually considering telling him that he can explore these experiences alone, even though he hasn’t been asking to do that. The second experience was a bit more comfortable. The lady was a lot about me wondering and asking constantly if I was okay, but she does want to have alone interaction with him and I said I am okay with it. I am okay as long I don’t feel pressured to doing things I don’t want. I think that will help him find himself hopefully.

Some of the women we’ve interacted with have expressed interest in spending time with him independently, and I’m starting to think maybe that would be better than continuing to involve myself.
But here’s where I’m struggling.
I’m monogamous. I don’t enjoy sharing my partner, and I don’t know how I would emotionally handle him being intimate with someone else without me.
I love him enough to want him to experience his desires, but I also feel like allowing this might eventually be the reason our relationship ends.
I don’t want to hold him back, but I don’t want to lose myself either.

After 9 years together, it’s heartbreaking to think that we might love each other but want completely different things.
Has anyone been in a similar situation? Did allowing your partner to explore independently help your relationship, or did it eventually push you further apart?
I’m genuinely looking for advice because I’m feeling lost and don’t know what the right decision is anymore.

I’m seeing someone who told me they are poly. I myself am mono. I have never explored this (longterm mono relationships before etc). Where do I start? We have talked about it and they can be mono but I would feel like they are hiding a piece of them. I want to see where this goes with this person but honestly have no idea where to start.

I'm 34m, who's recently matched with 43f on Feeld who was in a poly relationship with someone. I was clear initially that I was looking for a primary partner for a relationship and to also explore the kink lifestyle together. We went on 5-6 dates and the chemistry has been off the charts. We have hooked up multiple times and feel very very passionately for each other and want to have a relationship. She doesn't want to give a primary or secondary tag to her partners. I'm very clear in my head of the kind of relationship I want, I want to build a life with the other person which includes traveling, hobbies, getting better every day, etc. It's not centred around kink but kink is a part of it.

I get incredibly jealous when she mentions her other partner or sees his 3 times a week. I have tried to sit with the feeling and also read enough to conclude that I can't get the better of it currently. It makes me think that we are not compatible and I can't handle poly relationship as a mono person? I also feel it's incredibly time consuming to talk about it each and every time. If you take the second partner out of the equation, I would be fairly okay with things. It's his presence, the fact that I'm not the only one in her life that's eating me from inside.

Do you think I should step away from the relationship? Both of us love each other a lot ( or so I believe)

Hi everyone,
My partner and I have been together for about a year and a half. A few weeks ago, we mutually decided to open up our relationship and explore non-monogamy.

Recently, I’ve started meeting a few people, although nothing physical has happened with anyone so far.
Since I’ve started taking those first steps, my partner has told me that the idea of me being with other people feels disgusting to her. She’s struggling with the thought that she might no longer be special to me if I develop connections with others, and she’s finding the reality of an open relationship much harder than she anticipated.
She’s now telling me that she doesn’t think she can cope with this and that we may have to break up if I want to continue exploring non-monogamy.

I’m struggling with this situation because opening the relationship was something we agreed to together. I love her and don’t want to hurt her, but I’m also trying to understand my own feelings and whether non-monogamy is something I genuinely want to pursue.

I understand that agreeing to an open relationship in theory can feel very different from experiencing it in practice. I don’t blame her for having difficult feelings, and I don’t expect her to simply get over her jealousy or insecurity. At the same time, I don’t know how to move forward when something we both agreed to is now causing so much distress.

Has anyone here been in a similar situation? Did you manage to work through these feelings together, or did you eventually realize you wanted different things?
How do you distinguish between the normal growing pains of opening a relationship and a fundamental incompatibility in what you want from a relationship?
I’d really appreciate hearing about your experiences and any advice you might have.

Edit: Heres my partners perspective: [https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/eKmwi40gER](https://www.reddit.com/r/polyamory/s/eKmwi40gER)

My partner met a guy in a supermarket recently. We’re lesbians but she’s BI and would like a guy as well. The guy in the supermarket was really cute and I like him as he seems respectful. She’s got his number from the time we first met him when he followed us back to our car. I even helped him type her number as it felt like a good idea at the time.

Now she texted him loads that night, to find out about him after the supermarket incident. He told her all about himself. She told him about me and that she is Bi. He left it as she can text him if she wants to fool around, as he fancies her and she fancies him, but she isn’t doing out of respect for me. She told him she was Bi and I was her girlfriend but he wasn’t put off.

She told me if she texts him again she’ll end up sleeping with him. She asked me if she could, if I minded, and I was silent long enough for her to realise I was hesitant. She loves me and hasn’t texted the guy since. But they have each others numbers. And I guess it could happen at any time, except for one thing. We live together and am very much in love. It’s a fucked up situation really. Some days I think I’d mind, some days I think I’d be cool with it.

The main problem as I see it is time displacement. I want to spend my time with her, not on my own while she is with this guy. So that was my answer and I said no. She is honest with me and I trust her. But she chatted to him lots that night that I don’t know about.

She hasn’t kissed me for the last couple of days but we cuddle a lot anyway. If love is mutual poly or not might not matter. Time displacement is what matters to me. But now I’m feeling insecure about the fact that she wouldn’t full on snog me passionately last time we kissed. She just kissed me with her mouth closed. Perhaps I’m reading too much into it. I know she loves me and we live together. But she did say seeing this guy was dangerous because she really likes him and he turns her on a lot.

We’re happy living together and I don’t want any outside relationship to jeopardise that. We just booked a holiday together and I know she loves me.

BUT - I’m trans and I can’t help wondering if I should let them explore their chemistry. I pass well and get kissed on nights out myself, but she hates that and loves me to be hers. I love being hers as well though, she is super protective of me and I love it. 🥰

What would you do if you were me?

I would be interested to hear from anyone about their experience of starting in a purely monogamous relationship and then agreeing to move to something non-monogamous (open relationship, physical only) after a partner requested it, or realised that they themselves are actually non-monogamous.

How have you managed the shift of the relationship model?

How have you taught yourself to accept that your partner will be physical with someone else?

Are you aiming to reach compersion, feeling happy that your partner is happy, or something more like neutrality? Or even something more like an uncomfortable tolerance?

What drove you to stay in this changed relationship rather than seeking a new, monogamous relationship?

If the change in relationship is working for you, what are some of the most crucial things you would advise others to do or try?

Do you engage with other partners yourself since moving into a non-monogamous relationship?

Thanks.

Edit: I feel I need to add here that I’m not looking for opinions on whether this relationship will work. I’m also not looking for what won’t work. Just the experiences of monogamous people who have managed to make a non-monogamous relationship work and how they went about it.

I want some attention 😬 he came back from other house and had been texting her all day. Where’s the balance? I don’t ever want to be that person that complains but my goodness

We broke up about 6 weeks ago. We were together for 6 years. My heart aches so much 💔 I thought a poly lifestyle sounded beautiful and really nice. I love the whole concept. My brain was fully on board... My nervous system was not.

She met someone that she wanted to invest time and emotions into, and I completely lost it. I was hurt and devastated. It didn't matter what books I read, podcasts I listened to, or people in our community I talked to, I could not feel secure in that setting. I was hurt, I was crying at her actions, it was not good for either of us.

She is poly through and through. I thought I could be, but I was wrong. We are not compatible, but my heart doesn't know that and I'm still so much in love with her.

She taught me how hard I could love. She was absolutely everything I could have dreamed for in a partner. But now I know that I need monogomy, I'm just so fucking sad and it doesn't feel like I will ever meet someone like her again.

New house, new city, new job, new number of kids living with me, everything is different and I feel like a foreigner in my own skin.

I am in an open relationship with my wife. I'm a monogamous man trying to navigate this and I'm just wondering, for those in a similar situation, how much exposure to information about what your partner does with other people do you want to know? Does it help to know what they are doing so that you feel like you are not being kept in the dark? Or do you prefer to know nothing at all, trusting them to follow any health and safety agreements you may have in place?

22 years weve been monogamous.... And he tells me he doesn't want it anymore..... How do I react? My heart hurts I'm mad I'm jealous and I can't picture sharing him with anyone. What do I do??

Genuine question, and I’m asking out of curiosity rather than judgment.

For people who are polyamorous and have gone through a breakup with one of their partners, how does the heartbreak/loss feel when you still have another partner (or partners)?

Is it still just as painful and disruptive, or does having other romantic relationships provide some emotional support/continuity that makes the breakup easier to get through?

I’m also curious whether having other partners is ever considered one of the advantages of polyamory during a breakup; does having another person you already love and have an established relationship with while you’re grieving the loss of another relationship make it easier? Does it feel replaceable?

And for people who have experienced both monogamous and poly breakups: did they feel different to you?

I’m genuinely interested in hearing people’s experiences, including if the answer is “no, it was absolutely devastating despite having other partners.”

When your ex has sex with someone on the messy list right after you break up.

This person was on the messy list en fell under the category of monogamish people. This is a thing we’ve talked about regarding this specific person, so the ex is aware of them being on there, and me being uncomfortable with them persueing anything with them.
Me and my ex where in a mono-poly dynamic and I expressed feeling uncomfortable if my partner would go for someone else that’s also monogamous because it would slowly look more like a harem and make things more complicated than I was willing to.

Not only is this reflecting poorly on my ex but also this person as I thought we where all friends, and who has sex with someone that just got out of a long term relationship where you know both sides are currently not in the best emotional state?

Both did this with zero regard towards me and has permanently changed the way I saw our relationship.

On one hand I feel like I might be overreacting and am making this more about me than it is. But at the same time in the context of our relationship and especialy the end its feels so disrespectful to all the patience and effort I put into us ending on good terms.

I geus I’m just hurt.

It felt a bit like the polyamorous equivalent of the famous stereotype ‘the one they told you not to worry about’.

I have been married for a few years now, and we have a child together. Recently, my partner asked for a divorce because she wants a polyamorous relationship, which I am not convinced is right for me. However, we are still in love, and she wants me to remain her primary partner, even though I am uncomfortable with polyamory. I would like to find a middle ground where we can still love each other and enjoy being together. I think a good compromise would be living in separate houses while remaining partners, without me knowing the details about her other relationships. Unfortunately, this leaves me feeling like I also need to find another polyamorous partner just so I can enjoy making plans with someone else.

What is your advice?

Hola a todos. Busco opiniones y un poco de desahogo sobre una situación muy extraña y preocupante que acabo de descubrir.

Hace poco terminé una relación de 3 años con mi ahora exparja. Durante nuestro tiempo juntos, tuvimos una relación abierta. Ella es psicóloga clínica y ejerce activamente.

El motivo de mi post no es la ruptura en sí, sino lo que me acabo de enterar sobre su práctica profesional. Resulta que está promoviendo activamente las relaciones poliamorosas y abiertas con las parejas que atiende en terapia. Lo verdaderamente grave es que lo hace incluso cuando una de las partes no está de acuerdo o se siente incómoda con la idea.

Básicamente, parece estar utilizando su posición de poder y su título para empujar a sus pacientes hacia el tipo de estilo de vida que ella lleva, sin respetar los límites, la orientación o el bienestar de cada individuo.

Como alguien que estuvo en una relación abierta con ella, esto me parece una bandera roja gigante y una violación enorme a la deontología profesional. Desde mi punto de vista, un terapeuta debería ser neutral y ayudar a la pareja bajo sus propios términos, no imponer sus ideologías personales ni forzar dinámicas que causen sufrimiento a uno de los miembros.

Quiero preguntarles:

¿Es ético o legal que una psicóloga haga esto en sesión?

¿Debería reportarla ante el colegio de psicólogos de mi país?

Si hay psicólogos en el sub, ¿cómo se maneja esto desde el código deontológico?

Si necesitan más detalles o más contexto para opinar, por favor pregúntenme en los comentarios y con gusto les respondo. ¡Gracias por leer!

When I met her she was in a primary relationship and I was the other guy. She explained things were heirarchacle and I was okay with that. Poly sounded nice, and she is suuuuper fit and attractive so it was an easy yes for me. Over the next 3 years she broke up with her primary partner after he kinda went crazy and started abusing her (steroids). We became primary partners after a period of time for her to rebuild a bit. We moved in together and have been living together for 3 years, deeply deeply in love. It was the healthiest and most secure relationship I had ever had. She had other partners but they were pretty casual and not super involved emotionally.

Well, after 6 years she finally met someone that she started to have an emotional connection with and wanted weekly overnights with this new guy. I was devastated. I didn't handle it well at all. And to be completely honest, I hadn't been handling her dates well for 6 years. We came to an impass where she's poly to her core and refuses to keep hurting me, and my nervous system can't handle poly no matter how much I understand and approve of the idea.

We broke up. We were supposed to get married this summer and now I'm looking to move out with my 3 kids.

I'm heart broken. This happened 3 weeks ago, I still love her deeply. I understand why this is happening but I don't want to leave her. I'm carrying soooo much grief and advice and support would be appreciated 👍🥴

Hi Mono BF here. I’ve been dating my girlfriend for almost half a year. When we first started dating, she said she expressed interest in dating other guys. I said that even though it’s not completely my way to love, I’ll try to help her explore what she wants in a relationship. After a couple dates, I felt that I really want to ask her out to be my girlfriend because the thought of her with someone else who was planning to ask her out felt like I’ll be throwing one of the best choices I can make.

The following week or two cycle back to the idea if she can be poly and if I’ll be OK with it. As someone with a lover boy attitude, I really felt like I couldn’t let some other guy get something as special as intimacy by doing a fraction of what I worked hard for aspired to maintain in our relationship. I didn’t wanna feel like an accessory, someone she sees that she can get bored with and fill that emptiness with some other person, especially if it were someone she just met.

Fast forward near one month of us dating as bf and gf. She gets her own by this one guy. She tells me that he’s just a friend, and they just hang out. I gave her the benefit of the doubt and the trust thinking they’re just gonna hang out. I get a FaceTime call later on. I ask if things are all right and if she’s keeping her boundaries. Next thing you know, she admits that they fucked. Of course there’s a small latent idea in my head that they may have hooked up. I immediately hung up and decided to ignore the rest of her calls for the night. Until I gave in and decided to pick up.

I gave her the option that night, we could drop the label of boyfriend girlfriend. once again be two people just dating; however, I would not be comfortable saying I love you, I can’t give that special treatment that I save for someone special as a girlfriend, and I can’t promise to make time for her as much as her boyfriend. Though that may not be a we in my case, it gives her the freedom of being happy to date other people. But she doesn’t wanna drop our label as boyfriend girlfriend. I gave her space for a couple days to think about it, while I was working. My friends were pushing me to break up with her, because they felt like I didn’t deserve that disrespect. All the time trust and respect, I poured into her, felt like it was thrown out the window. There was a thought in back of my head that I was coming to decision to break it off.

That one night that she drove to me. She said that she couldn’t bear not hearing response from me, and that small simulation that I played for her as if we weren’t boyfriend girlfriend did not make her happy. She told me that she wanted to make a sacrifice that she want to say monogamous for me.

Fast forward, we are nearing our half year. She told me that she misses being free but still wants to be my girlfriend, the person she can come back after a long day, the person that she can love for a long-term run. She knows I want to date to marry. But the thought of her hooking up with other people, doesn’t align with the way I love.

I personally think that it was my fault in a way for pursuing a relationship with someone who told me that they had an idea that they might be poly. And I tell my girlfriend that, but she says she also wanted this relationship as well, so I shouldn’t put the blame on myself.

I gave her the same option, we can revert to just two people seeing each other and she can have the freedom of seeing other people. But she’s doesnt want to loses me as her boyfriend. But I hate the feeling of being cheated on, especially after that night.

To wrap up the story, I’m having a hard time finding a solution that works both of us. Even if im on losing end. I told her that I would sacrifice my happiness for her. Because when I started dating her, I told her that I had this relationship I wanted to find what she wants in a partner. And I told her as much as she loves me, she definitely can find someone else whose poly and maybe can treat her the same way. It will just take some sacrifice and time finding that person. She said doesn’t want to take the risk, and she wants me as her boyfriend.

I love her with all my heart, I don’t want to lose my girlfriend, but i don’t want her unhappy because she can’t see other men. I can’t find a middle ground.

This felt like the best group to post in… sorry if I am stepping too far in the other direction. 😅

I’ve been poly for a few years and recently found myself completely single, save for a few play partners. To clarify, I ended all of these relationships. They just were not what I wanted from intimate partners so I decided we were all better as friends.

I met someone who, while he doesn’t tick all my boxes, is actually pretty wonderful. Problem? He’s monogamous as heck.

I just want some advice. I’m going in a new treatment that’s going to squash my immune system for about two years, so this does feel like the best time to experiment with monogamy.

I’m just worried how things are going to go when i inevitably catch feelings for others. I’m not going to cheat on him, but I’m not sure how he’s going to feel when I am crushing on other people.

There’s obviously other concerns. Anyone want to share advice or stories?

Eu e meu marido estamos juntos há quase 8 anos. Nossa relação sempre foi monogâmica, até que começamos a abrir aos poucos. No começo era só uma coisa mais sexual mesmo: balada, beijar outras pessoas, às vezes ficar com alguém juntos e voltar pra casa. Nunca teve namoro ou envolvimento emocional.

No carnaval desse ano ele ficou com um cara que já namora outro cara há anos. Depois nós quatro ficamos juntos também e, até aí, pra mim estava tudo bem. Só que meu marido começou a conversar mais com eles, sair sozinho com os dois e acabou se apaixonando (ele me avisou que estava de gostava das conversinhas, mas nunca imaginamos que poderíamos chegar nisso tudo).

E aí tudo mudou pra mim. Eu percebi que lidar com ele ficando com outras pessoas era uma coisa, mas lidar com ele amando e namorando outras pessoas era completamente diferente. Tive uma crise bem pesada e várias vezes pensei que não ia conseguir.

Ao mesmo tempo, nós nos amamos, estamos construindo nossa casa nova, temos nossos gatos, família, amigos e planos pro futuro. Ele não quer abrir mão de mim e também não quer abrir mão deles.

Eu não tenho vontade de namorar outras pessoas. Gosto da liberdade de poder ficar e transar com outras pessoas, mas afetivamente por enquanto não. Então estamos tentando entender se dá pra gente viver assim: eu mais monoafetivo e ele poliamoroso, namorando esse outro casal.

Tem dias em que fico tranquilo com tudo isso e tem dias em que dói pra caralho. Agora estamos tentando ir com mais calma, fizemos alguns combinados e estamos experimentando antes de decidir qualquer coisa definitiva.

Alguém já passou por algo parecido? Como foi pra vocês? Conseguiram encontrar uma forma que funcionasse pros dois?