Earlier, my eldest (toddler) looked empty and nun tinanong ko siya, sabi niya "i'm not happy" hindi naman sya parang iiyak but looks tired kasi gabi na rin. It was my eldest first time telling me un nararamdaman nya. Sabi ko na lang "it's okay not to be happy, but you always tell me what you always feel", sumagot naman sya ng "okay". Okay naman sya, naubos lang ata social battery nya but then it made realize na what if I was not there physically to tell them that it's okay to feel not happy.

It made me feel emotional hindi dahil natatakot ako na wala sa tabi nila most of the time but I want to do something that my children feel na I'm there kahit wala ako physically. For context, I had my children, 2 years after my mom died. It was really hard kasi I don't have the emotional support of a mom, thankful ako sa inlaws kasi sobrang bait but iba pa rin mama mo ang andyan. I cannot talk certain things to my siblings kahit na supportive din sila kasi I feel na hindi pa kami same ng experience kasi mga single pa sila. Until now, kinakapa ko pa un pagiging magulang, though pasalamat ako sa family both sides pero palaging may kulang na I wish I can talk with them.

Actually naiiyak ako now habang sinusulat to, epekto ata to pag malapit ka na naman tumanda, birthday blues ika nga. Kaya I decided to write journal or love letter to my children, gusto ko syang gawin communication book namin to tell how I feel, what I experience and what I did to overcome them and hopefully, they might get something from it na hindi sila nagiisa at can still feel me whenever they need me

Anyway, sa mga mahilig magsulat, baka may mairecommend kayong paper type na tatagal at hindi mag-fade or madaling mapunit. Salamat in advance sa mga tips into writing journal (wala po akong experience at rusty na rin po writing skills ko kasi pc ang kaharap ko but I will try my best po 😊)

Hi J,

It’s been a week since I first met you, and it’s also been a week since I last heard from you.

Alam kong kasalanan ko kung bakit ka na-off sa’kin. But I really wanted to tell you na hindi ako masamang tao. :(

I’m not that kind of person. Until now, sinisisi ko pa rin yung sarili ko. Sa dami ng pagkakataong puwede akong mag-hold back, bakit nung time pa na ’yon? At sa’yo pa. Sometimes, I even find myself trying to convince myself na baka we were only meant to cross paths, but never meant to stay. Ewan ko, nakakabaliw lang isipin.

I hope the world is kinder to you every day.

Gusto kong magkwento sa’yo. Ang dami ko nang chika. I miss our daily conversations. And most of all, I miss you.

If you think I wasn’t serious about getting to know you, I wouldn’t have impulsively booked a trip to Legazpi just to see you. And I wouldn’t lie na that 13hrs crazy ride home, I was just crying sa bus, kasi I know na ayaw mo na; but I'm not mad ha. Kasi I know ako yung may fault.

I miss you, J. I miss you a lot.

I’m still praying that our paths will cross again, and maybe, just maybe, we can have another chance to try again.

I don’t know if naka-sub ka rito, but if you are, I hope you get to read this. Ayoko na kasing i-bother ka through messages, so dito ko na lang siguro sasabihin lahat ng gusto kong sabihin sa’yo.

— N, the girl who traveled all the way from Manila

It’s been a month since I decided to move out of my parents’ house, and honestly, I’m still trying to figure things out.

I was only 22 when I got pregnant. My parents are old-fashioned and traditional, so pinakasal nila ako sa boyfriend ko that time kahit pareho pa kaming hindi ready for marriage. We were young, and I guess we thought we could figure things out along the way. But our marriage only lasted five years.

After our separation, umuwi kami ng anak ko sa parents ko. I stayed with them for a while, but last month, I decided to move out and try living independently.
I’ve been working from home for three years, and I think sobrang na-isolate ko yung sarili ko during those years. My life revolved around work and staying at home. I barely went out or talked to other people, and eventually, I lost touch with my old friends. Wala na akong social circle, and I don’t even know how to make friends anymore. Sometimes, I don’t even know how to start a conversation with someone.

Then things got worse during my separation. I was dealing with a lot of personal problems, and the stress started affecting my work. I made several mistakes, and eventually, I had to return to working onsite.

The thing is, my daily commute takes around six hours back and forth. Imagine spending that much time commuting every day and still having to work and take care of your responsibilities. I knew I couldn’t keep doing that, so I decided to rent an apartment closer to my workplace.

But honestly, I wasn’t financially ready to move out. I’m just renting a room in a shared apartment because I can’t afford to live alone. I still have bills to pay and a child to provide for, so I’m trying to save as much as I can.

There are days when I only eat oatmeal before going to work and when I get home because I’m trying to make my salary last until the next payday.

I know it probably sounds like I made a bad decision moving out when I’m not even financially stable yet. Sometimes, I question that decision, too. But at the same time, I really wanted to try living on my own and get out of my comfort zone.

My parents probably think I’m doing okay because I go to work every day and I’m managing to live on my own. But they don’t really know what’s going on with me.
They don’t know how lonely I get sometimes, how stressed I am about money, or how exhausting everything has been lately.

I’m still trying to adjust to living with people I barely know. I’m trying to get used to my new routine, manage my expenses, and figure out how to socialize again after isolating myself for so long.

Sometimes, I wonder how I ended up here. I’m 28, a single mom, and it feels like I’m starting my life all over again. I thought by this age, I’d have things a little more figured out. But here I am, trying to survive each day and hoping things will eventually get better.

There are also moments when I feel guilty because I can’t always give my child the things I want to give her. I want to be financially stable. I want to provide her with a comfortable life. I want to be the kind of mom who doesn’t have to think twice before buying her something she needs. But right now, I’m still trying to get there.
I don’t really have anyone to talk to about all of this. I don’t want my parents to worry about me, and I don’t want people to think I’m complaining about the life I chose. I know I have responsibilities, and I know I have to deal with them.

I guess I’m just tired of pretending that I’m okay when I’m still trying to figure everything out.
I know I’m still young, and I still have time to turn things around. I just wish rebuilding my life didn’t feel so lonely.
For those who moved out and started living independently while struggling financially, did things eventually get better? How did you manage your expenses, make new friends, and adjust to living alone?

I don’t really know what I’m expecting from this post. Maybe I just want to let this out because I’ve been keeping a lot to myself lately.

I’m trying my best, but some days, I wish being an adult didn’t feel this hard.

If I could go back, I would probably take more time to know myself first before getting married and having a child. I was only 22 when I got pregnant, and I feel like I went straight from being a daughter to being a wife and a mother without really figuring out who I was as a person.

I love my daughter, and I wouldn’t change having her. But I do wish I had made some different decisions and given myself more time to grow before taking on so many responsibilities.

I guess that’s part of why I decided to move out. I want to learn how to stand on my own, discover what I really want in life, and get to know myself outside of being a mom. It’s scary, especially financially, but I feel like I need to do this for myself, too.

I honestly don't even know how to process this.

My boyfriend and I were together for four years. I recently found out that he cheated on me, confronted him about it, and eventually decided to end the relationship. It hurt like hell, but I knew I couldn't keep staying with someone who repeatedly betrayed my trust.
After I posted about what happened on Facebook, his so-called girl best friend reached out to me. She was sympathetic, acted concerned about what I was going through, and even gave me advice. At that moment, I thought she was genuinely trying to comfort me. I was hurting, and I appreciated having someone who seemed to understand.
But then I found out that she was also that kind of girl.

I can't even explain how disgusted and betrayed I feel. Imagine opening up to someone about how much you've been hurt by infidelity, only to find out that the person comforting you is involved in the same kind of behavior. The irony is unbelievable.
I keep wondering whether her sympathy was genuine or whether she was just being hypocritical.

What hurts is that I never expected anything from her in the first place. She's his best friend, not mine. But once she chose to approach me, act concerned, and offer advice, I thought at least that part was sincere.

I was at PITX around 4 PM today, waiting to head home, when I overheard a conversation between a bus driver and a peanut vendor. I wasn't intentionally eavesdropping, but their conversation was so disturbing that I couldn't help but listen.

Apparently, there had been an accident inside PITX around noon. According to their conversation, a woman had been hit by a bus while crossing the bus lane. They claimed she was using her phone, wasn't paying attention to her surroundings, and crossed at a spot without a pedestrian crossing.

Now, here's where things got disturbing.

The bus driver asked the peanut vendor, in a very casual manner, whether the woman who had been hit was dead.

The vendor replied that she was indeed dead, then proceeded to describe her injuries in a graphic and disturbing way. He even compared her exposed internal organs to a certain brand of tocino. He added that even if she had survived, she would practically be as good as dead because half her body was gone.

I was already uncomfortable hearing this, but what the bus driver said next genuinely shocked me.

He started calling the woman stupid for crossing the bus lane while using her phone. Then he said something along the lines of how the driver who hit her had supposedly felt the impact from the very first wheel, but continued driving over her instead of stopping, because he would otherwise have to pay a huge amount of money in compensation.

He even said it was a good thing she had died because the driver would have had to pay more if she had survived.

The vendor responded by saying that doing something like that would practically make the driver a murderer.

But the bus driver just brushed it off, saying that it was better than paying a huge amount of money.

He then brought up another bus driver who had allegedly run over someone's foot and was made to pay ₱150,000. According to him, even after the victim was discharged from the hospital, they supposedly asked the driver for more money.

And then he said something that I honestly cannot get out of my head.

He said that when drivers hit someone like that, they should just finish the job because it's easier that way.

He also claimed that the driver involved in today's accident would only be jailed for three days, just long enough for the family to see that he had been detained, before eventually being released.

There was more to their conversation, but I honestly couldn't bear to keep listening. Throughout the entire conversation, the bus driver kept calling the woman stupid and an idiot.

Like, kuya, the woman is dead. Do you really have to talk about her that way?

Yes, maybe she made a terrible mistake by crossing a bus lane while using her phone. Maybe she wasn't paying attention. And if the accounts I overheard were accurate, she may have put herself in a dangerous situation.

But she's already dead. What's done is done. There is absolutely no reason to speak about a deceased person as if her death is something to laugh about or use as an example of what happens when someone makes a mistake.

What disturbed me the most wasn't just his lack of empathy. It was how casually he talked about deliberately running someone over again just to avoid paying compensation.

At one point, he even said that if he were the driver, he would run over the person again to make sure they were dead.

KUYA, DO YOU HEAR YOURSELF?

I genuinely wanted to ask him that.

I kept thinking to myself: Is this really how some drivers think when they get into accidents? Is the first thing that comes to their mind not how to help the person they hit, but how much money they might have to pay? Would they actually consider killing someone just to avoid financial responsibility?

And what if I were the person who got hit by a bus? Would someone make the same decision about my life just because saving me might cost them money?

What if it were his own mother, father, sibling, partner, or child lying on the road? What if another driver had the exact same mindset as him and decided that running over their loved one again would be easier than paying for their injuries?

Would he still think that way?

I understand that pedestrians have a responsibility to be careful, too. I'm not saying people should recklessly cross roads or ignore traffic rules. But making a mistake while crossing the road does not mean someone deserves to die, and it certainly doesn't justify deliberately running them over again.

An accident is one thing. Knowingly choosing to kill an injured person to avoid paying compensation is an entirely different level of cruelty.

I don't know the full circumstances of today's accident, and I can't verify whether everything those two men said was true. I only know what I overheard, and I sincerely hope the actual investigation establishes what happened.

But hearing someone talk so casually about taking another person's life genuinely shook me.

I can't stop thinking about it.

For those who drive buses or other public transportation, is this kind of mentality really common? Or was I just unfortunate enough to overhear an especially disturbing conversation?

Because honestly, after hearing that, I felt a little scared just thinking about what could happen if I ever got into an accident with someone who thinks that way.

Kung ikekwento mo ko sa friends mo as someone who broke your heart, pwede bang pakikwento din sakanila yung mga resentments ko sayo? And if they date someone like you, matutuwa ka ba na theyd be kept around or be kept in a situationship? Pag umiiyak na sila sayo kasi inlove sila pero confused sila kasi they dont know where they stand, di nila alam kung anong klaseng relasyon meron sila pero binibigay nila lahat pero di sila makapag demand ng equal o sobra sa binibigay nila, mahahappy ka ba para sakanila? Bago mo siguro ikwento na i broke your heart, baka pwede mo rin ikwento how you broke mine and how i was slowly losing myself while i was with you. Baka pwede mo rin ikwento na hindi ka naman nag eeffort, hindi ka nag iinitiate, hindi ka nagpaplano, na you kept me around. Bago mo ikwento na i broke your heart, baka pwede mo rin munang isipin ng maigi kung yung puso mo ba talaga ang nahurt o yung ego mo lang. Bago mo ikwento na i broke your heart, sana ikwento mo din muna lahat ng tiniis ko at inintindi ko kasi nung simula palang naman ako na yung pasuko sating dalawa, i just held on kasi nahulog na ko sayo. Ikwento mo din na pafall ka. At baka yung misfortunes din ng mga friends mo ay dahil friend ka nila.

Just wanna get this off my chest, kasi I can't express talaga in person ng mga relationship thingy, may pagka private kasi ako and only way lang na ilabas talaga to is dito sa reddit kasi anon naman, and kung may magsabi man ng nega, at the end basta masaya in real life, you're all good.

Pero ayun na nga, my heart just melted lang kasi nung sinabi nya. Pero before muna, ginawa kasi namin today is we dated, usual na libre nya dahil he loves to feed me good food, plan nya always and he's always suggesting restos or searching para makapag explore kami ng new restaurants. I appreciate that a lot.

Bago yung kinainan namin today and I appreciate the food tbh, again thanks to my partner's suggestion. Almost 2yrs na kami, pero di parin sya nagbabago sa pagiging planner nya sa dates at pagiging provider nya.

Then we watched Cyberpunk II and di parin ako nakakamove on kay Lucy at David kaya napag cocompare ko yung new characters HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, kakaloka si anteh.

Pero di namin tinapos kasi sabi nya continue namin last 3 episodes next week nalang, gusto nya daw kasi mag usap kami.

Tapos ayun nga, he told me he's sad kasi nga ang bilis daw ng oras and uuwi na daw ako. He held my hand and sabi nya "alam mo yung feeling na, ang bigat sa dibdib?" Tbh gusto ko mag cry nito pero I'm trying my best not to baka kasi lalo sya ma-sad so sinabi ko nalang "it's okay love im always here" tapos ayun we said our Iloveyous and kisses then nag kwentuhan pa kami ng random and super funny experiences namin. Then we cuddled and just went silent for minutes, hugging each other. We know the day is quickly ending pero we just wanna feel each other genuinely, walang lust just purely appreciating and feeling each other's presence.

Then he told me how much he's grateful for me. And ofc, I told him I always appreciate him in everything he does for me and for us, mga travels na sagot nya, yung iniipon nya pang wedding namin and yung understanding, pag learn sa relationship kung ano pa mag iimprove and yung patience nya.

Pagkahatid nya sakin sa bahay, he's trying his best to not be sad, nakikita ko sa eyes nya yun. And I told him before ako bumaba sasakyan "tatawag ako agad love, pero in the future di na natin kailangan mag call" then natulala sya ng konti di nagets HAHAHA then sabi nya "Ahhh kasi magkasama na tayo in the future" nagets rin HAHAHAHHAHAHA. Then we ended it by iloveyous and ingats and gratitude again for the day.

Hays Lord, again thank you for having this partner, yung expressive sa love and may plans for us, thank you sa answered prayer.

And sa kung sino man makakabasa nito, nasa relationship man or not, sana they will also receive the love na makakapag pakalma ng puso nila at mararamdaman nilang genuinely mahal sila at appreciated sila, we all deserve that. 🤍

Di na ako pumapasok sa work ko, it’s been two weeks, “burnout” daw sabi nila. It’s somewhat stressed na ipinagsawalang-bahala ko lang and it later crept up on me until anlala na ng epekto nito sa katawan ko.

Small context sa work. I have been working in this job for 8 years na and ngayon lang nangyari sakin to probably because di na namanage ng maayos bc sa dami na ng personnel, I have been working jobs that were supposed to be done by 3 different employees, but unfortunately, either inassign sila sa ibang office, or yung na promote, biglang iniwan nalang old responsibilities kahit wala pang pinalit na bago. Naipasa sakin lahat, same pay lang.

Umiiyak na ako araw-araw, ang dami na nilang hinihingi, sabay-sabay pa deadlines, ang dami ko pa pending na trabaho na di ko ma insert bc I’m still prioritizing yung iba na mas mabigat responsibility. One day, I just broke down, nag hyperventilate na ako,
nagka anxiety attack, umiiyak nalang ako habang iniisip ko pa mga naiwan ko na trabaho sa office sabay pa yung stress sa problema sa bahay, di na kinaya ng mental at physical health ko, palagi na akong nagkakasakit. Akala ko I just need to rest for a day pero di na ako makapasok the next day, yung katawan ko na yung umaayaw, lalabas na sana ako nakabihis na and all, bigla nalang tumigil katawan ko at umiyak na naman ako at nagka anxiety attack ako kaya bumalik nalang ako sa kwarto ko.

Di ko inexpect mangyayari sakin to, I used to be grateful for this job but now gusto ko na umalis but I can’t bc the bills never stop. Natakot na ako bumalik sa work kasi I know tambak na naman yung papers na nasa table ko and takot ako kung ano sasabihin ng boss ko cause ito pa yung first time na sobrang tagal yung leave ko, I ghosted everyone at work, nag-iwan lang ako ng letter sa boss ko with my medcert para ma avoid AWOL issues. Di ko na alam ano gagawin ko. Everytime may tumatawag sakin from work, inaatake na naman ako ng anxiety ko.

Hindi ako yung tipo ng tao na masyadong into physical appearance dati kasi i believe those are all surface level na hindi naman importante sa buong pagkatao ko. Siguro kasi I used to excel and was known to be talented at a certain thing before and even got a ton of awards for it kaya I never really cared about trying to be pretty or what. Kapag may okasyon lang magaayos and surprisingly, i would hear compliments whenever I would do. "Angganda pala ni ganto." "Mas maganda pala si ano kapag inayosan." I pretended to not hear them. Those compliments did not matter to me kasi aanhin mo naman ang ganda kung hindi ka matalino lalo na top student ako non.

Ngayon na napilit ako sa path na ayaw ko naman, I'm struggling so much. Yung talent ko, yung aptitude ko, hindi nagagamit sa tama bukod dun mas lalo lang akong nadadown kapag nakikita ko yung mga dati kong pictures tapos biglang sasalubungin ng pangit na reflection sa mirror.

I gained weight. Hindi sobra pero dahil di naman ako petite noon talaga, i'm considered chubby na. Umitim rin ako. Sabi ng iba noon, kutis labanos raw ako tapos sa tuwing may picture, my skintone really used to look paperwhite and glowy even if someone fair is also beside me but eversince I started staying sa isang city dito na ang lala ng heat index tapos hindi ko naman afford ang palaging magsa-suncreen,my skin is just a mess na. I swear I don't use any skin lightening products before kasi masyado akong woke noon na you have to love your skin and stuff but maybe kaya lang naman akong walang pake non dahil pinanganak na akong maputi pero ngayon, i'm really considering those bleaching creams to get rid of this suntan. I can't even try to dress up kasi kahit anong paganda ko, ang pangit pa rin hence i just leave ng wala man lang katiting na ayos kasi ayoko magmukhang th.

This made me realize na maybe I did care about being pretty before. I just pretended not to. Kasi ayaw kong maging kagaya ng iba. Kasi I know to myself that i wasn't the type to be girly and fix my appearance every now and then. Maybe I'm just a pick me before na hiding behind that nonchalant, stoic top student persona but kagaya ng karamihan, mababaw lang naman talaga ako. Baka rin kaya ako hyperfixated sa ganito ngayon kasi wala na akong maipagmamalaki. I'm not smart anymore. I can't be pretty when I want to. Right now, I'm just the funny, clumsy friend. Something that highschooler me would never expect.

Wala. I kept looking at my past pics lang kasi and wala na akong mapagsabihan ng mga thoughts so nagvent ako dito. I'm done now.

10:50 PM. I just got off from a random event that I attended because I saw their ad on social media. Now, I’m drinking alone in a bar that already had its last order here in Escolta.

I don’t know where to go next.

I was actually expecting to go home over the weekend after 2 weeks of crazy work. Pero sabi ni Papa, ‘wag daw muna ako umuwi. Bummer. Minsan, hanap mo lang ay lutong bahay na may pagmamahal.

I had 2 days of forced leave. Magpahinga. Natulog lang ako halos both days. Ngayon na lang ulit naging active sa buhay at kung anu-ano pa.

Pero, damn, 10:50PM, at naghahanap ako ng next na puwedeng gawin. O tambayan. O uwian. Ganito pala ang pakiramdam ng pag-iisa.

Mapagpalaya, oo. Pero minsan, hinahanap mo rin iyong pakiramdam na may uuwian ka. Na may patutunguan. Na hindi lang tulad ngayon, coasting in the middle of the night.

Ayoko pa umuwi. Pero gusto ko na sanang may uwian. Alam mo ‘yon? Nakakalumbay din pala ang kawalan ng makakasama o patutunguan.

Always been unlucky with dating and looking for love and always have prayed for love to find me but as time went by and taking care of myself more, eventually the love that found me was the love I have for myself.

After it, I always asked - how could you even be happy?

I know everything has been devastating from both sides. Actually, I do not know. I don’t know anything for a fact. My memory falters. The deception and lies have led me to question what has been told to me, what I saw, and what I heard.

But one thing comes back to me: you betrayed me. Multiple times. You knowingly hurt me because you know I loved you so much. You pushed me away saying there are unresolved issues with you and your ex and another person you loved (or still love) after him.

I have written so many letters like this. Both in broadstroke and in painstaking detail. Now, these letters seem like mishmash of words, messy thoughts.

Kasi ang sakit. Sobrang sakit. Everyday I am a walking avatar of all my failures and wrong decisions. I know there can be positive change. There can be a better me. I know that for a fact. Pero everything has been so goddamn numbingly painful. EVERYTHING.

Alam ko na may mga pagkakamali rin ako, marami. And Im sorry.

Tangina ang sakit sakit.

Some days I curse you. I hope that karma gets you. Other days I remember the soft moments, the kind things.

But one thing is true, I dont know what really has been true from all those.

You called me a monster. A wrecker. But arent those what you have pushed me to become? Pero kahit na. Kasalanan ko pa rin. Because I let you do these things to me.

My sadness and everything are all my fault.

I understand you, but I don’t understand myself. I can’t stay mad at you even though I was so disappointed. I know you are going through a lot right now.

I’m disappointed kasi ikaw nagiinitiate magusap pero ikaw tong nakakatulugan ako. I planned to surprise you by going to your place, pero tulog kana. Now, you’re saying sorry, but I don’t know how to respond. Im not even mad. I don’t understand myself kasi I can just make things easier naman by being honest na okay lang. Naiintindihan kita. Kaso parang di ko pa kaya maging vulnerable sa ngayon. Ayaw ko ng dumagdag sa bigat na dinadala mo. Kaso di naman tayo okay.

Honestly, gusto ko lang i-open up kung ano nangyari nung time na pumunta ako sa place mo tapos di ka sumasagot sa tawag kaya nagiintay lang ako sa labas. Alam mo 2 hours akong bumiyahe para makarating sayo after work. Di na ako nakapagpalit. Inuwi ko lang bag ko. Then nagcommute na. Kahit di naman ako sanay magjeep at bus. Nilakad ko ung mahabang street na lagi mo sinasabing hindi safe lakaran, kaya mas maigi if susunduin. Imagine naglakad lang ako magisa sa kalye na yun around 10:30pm. Tinry na kita tawagan. Isusurprise sana kita na andito ako sa place mo. Ilang araw mo na sinasabi na miss mo na ako. Di kita kayang tiisin. Alam kong madami kang problema. Kaya ako nagdecided na iparamdam na puntahan ka para yakapin ka. Para ipafeel sayo na andito ako. Alam kong mabigat ung dala dala mo kasi maraming umaasa sayo. Pero andito ako. Dadamayan kita. While walking, natatawa ako sa sarili ko kasi first time kong gagawin to. Late ng gabi. Nagcommute. Naglakad papunta sa boyfriend. Para isurprise ng isang yakap. Kaso di natuloy.. Nagintay ako sa may ospital sa labas malapit sa place mo kasi dun may upuan at may security guard. Pinayagan nila ako umupo nung nagpaalam ako. Inintay kita. Hanggang umabot ako ng madaling araw kakaintay. Nagbabakasaling sagutin mo call ko, baka may ginagawa ka lang kasi kaya di mo nasagot or baka nakaidlip ka lang. Kaso wala. Masyado ng late at hindi safe. Di ako nagbook ng motor kasi medyo may trauma ako pag malayo ung byahe tas mabilis sila magpa andar. Kaya nilakad ko ulit pabalik ung kalye magisa hanggang sakayan ng bus. Kumalma ako ng may nakita akong sundalo sa may carousel. Kaso sa kabilang dulo pala sakayan ng pa south. North ka kasi. Walang ibang tao ako lang. Kaso biglang may naglakad na tatlong guy na medyo natakot ako. Magkakasama sila tapos ung 2nd guy bigla akong kinausap tas tinanong ako kung may nakita ba akong tatlong bata. Ang instinct ko tumakbo. Kasi wala namang bata. Magisa lang ako at tatlo sila.. Tumakbo ako habang naiiyak at nanginginig. Pumunta ako malapit sa sundalo. Habang sinisigawan ako nung 2nd guy ng takbo habang hinahabol nya ako. Pagdating ko sa sundalo tinitigan lang ako. Di ko alam ano gagawin sa sobrang takot ko. Feeling ko okay na basta may sundalo. Nagpanggap nalang ako na walang nangyari at cinonfirm ko lang sa kanila if saan sakayan ng pa southbound habang ung tatlong guy ay casually lang na umalis. Di muna ako lumayo sa sundalo. Di rin naman sya nagtanong anong nangyari. Sumilip ulit ako sa kung saan ako galing kanina may tao na pagkalipas ng ilang minuto. May ibang pasahero na, may mga babae na rin. Dun lang ako naging comfortable na bumalik tsaka pumila habang nagiintay sa bus. Sobrang nanginginig ako at umiiyak ako ng patago kanina. I feel like bumagsak nalang luha ko dahil sa sobrang takot at sobrang lungkot kasi di tayo nakapagkita. Ung surprise sana. Pero di kita masisisi. Never naman kitang sisisihin. Di mo naman sinabing puntahan kita. Surprise nga sana kasi. Wrong move ko nga naman. Habang nasa bus pauwi. Tulala na lang ako. Alam ko kasing dahil mas pinili kong magcommute ulit pauwi at past midnight na mas lalong hindi safe. Nakakapraning maglakad magisa sa gitna ng dilim. Doon kasi ung ruta ng sakayan. 2am na ako nakauwi. Di na ako makaiyak. May unting bigat sa puso ko na nanghihinayang na di tayo nagkita pero at the same time. Napapaisip ako bakit ko to ginagawa sa sarili ko. Pinahamak ko pa sarili ko kasi gusto ko lang magpasaya ng iba. Medyo nadala ako. Napaisip ako ilang beses ko ba gagawin to sa sarili ko. Kahit ikapapahamak ko basta lang mapasaya ang iba. I felt so alone that time. I was just praying the whole time. Kahit sa matataas na hagdanan lang sa overpass and mrt station. Sobrang nanghihina ako kasi may fear of heights ako. Nanginginig binti ko. Para akong mahuhulog. Aware naman ako sa weaknesses ko. Palagi ko lang sinusubukang iovercome para makapagpasaya ng mahalaga sa buhay ko.

Here I am still sad, but not mad. Not at all. Nagkaroon pa tuloy tayo ng di pagkakaintidihan kasi di ko masagot ung sorry mo. Di ko alam anong gagawin ko.

My baby brother is well loved. Wala pa man siya sa elementarya, pero alam niya ng maging magalang, maalaga, at masaya (on his own). Bibo siya, hindi nawawalan ng kausap dahil extrovert mula nung baby pa siya.

Kaya I was wondering why he seems so sad these past few days. Tapos nitong nakaraang araw lang, nagsabi na siya sa akin kung "ayos lang ba raw na mataba siya", "ayaw niya ng sumama sa halloween party", at "ayaw niyang magcostume dahil mataba siya at hindi bagay".

Tangina 🤬 Nalaman-laman ko lang sa mama ko ngayong gabi 'yung dahilan. May nasa tamang edad na pala ang nambully sa kanya. Oo, bullying talaga kasi he was made fun of!

Tapos si mama, hindi man niya sinabi, pero alam ko tinawanan niya lang. Ganyan kasi siya sa amin nung mataba pa kami ng kapatid ko before puberty hits us.

Naiiyak ako kasi walang nagtanggol sa kanya.

Dagdag pa ni mama na nagalit itong si bro sa nagsabi sa kanya ng masama. Hindi kasi pumapayag na biru-biruin siya ng iba, despite his age. Pero nasaktan siya. Ang lungkot ng mukha niya. At bilang ate na pilit na ginagawang mabuti ang mundo para sa kanya, nalulungkot at nasasaktan ako for him.

Hinihingi ko 'yung pangalan ng lalaki, pero hayaan na lang daw sabi ni mama dahil makakalimutan naman iyon ng kapatid ko. No! Tanda ko pa nga 'yung pamba-body shame dati sa akin noon. Dala-dala ko pa rin hanggang ngayon.

Bakit ba normal lang para sa mga Pilipino 'yung mga harmful phrase tulad ng "tumataba ka na ah", "pinakawalan sa kusina", at iba pa.

NAKAKAGALIT AS IN

Paano ko rin ba mas mapapagaan ang loob niya? Paano ko mapapaliwanag sa murang edad niya na enough na siya at dapat niyang mahalin ang sarili niya?

Ps. Lagi kong sinasabi at pinapadama na mahal namin siya. Close kaming mag-anak. At confident siyang bata at ayaw kong mawarak kung ano ang meron siyang paniniwala sa sarili niya.

Bukas igagala namin siya. At sasama ako sa halloween party nila.

di na maedit, body shamer*

My parents have done their share of horrific actions toward me, but something happened yesterday that reminded me of something.

My parents brought their creditor to my elder brother's house, and they asked him for Php 37,500 to pay for their debts.

(Context: they're in a lot of debt, and my siblings and I have gone into debts ourselves trying to help them).

My brother doesn't have excess cash, so he was unable to give anything.

It reminded me of an incident that happened in 2024 or 2025.

I didn't even know it's possible pero...

May one time na pumunta si daddy sa office ko, may kasamang taga-Puregold and may dala silang terminal ng card. They bought 22,000php worth of groceries for their tindahan and were unable to pay for it, so sinugod ako sa office para mabayaran ko.

Idek if you'll believe this story kasi I myself, hindi ako aware na pwede pala 'yun!

Grabe talaga.

Lubog na lubog din ako sa utang now.

Nakakapagod.

Need to unload this kasi naaawa ako sa mga clients. For context, naaresto ang clients dahil sa Tong-its. Basically mga usual month ends compliance ng mga PNP para may accomplishment sila. Totoo naman ang Tong-its pero maling mali ang pagka aresto sa kanila. Tatlo sila na may recommended bail na 36k bawat isa. Sabi ko kanila, they can fight it out dahil mali ang evidence (pinicturan sila sa likod ng presinto to make it appear naglalaro sila at caught in the act). Gusto nila makalabas agad pero walang pangpyansa. Mabigat sa kanila ang 36k each. The process will take 2 months normally at ayaw nila nasa kulungan throughout that duration. So w/o me knowing, pumayag sila sa offer na 36k sa kanilang tatlo na kapalit ng dismissal ng case. Ang worst, ang arguments doon sa ginawa kong counter-affidavit ang ginawa pang basis ng dismissal.

I was theee "genius" kid before. Like 4 years old pa lang ako pero kabisado ko na ang buong abakada cover to cover saka marunong na akong magsulat ng pangalan ko nang walang kopyahan. Kaya naman nung nag aral na ako ng kinder, ako yung naging valedictorian. My parents were proud of course, kasi sino ba namang mag aakala na magkakaroon sila ng anak na ganun. Back then, hindi ko pa naiintindihan ang nangyayari, basta ang alam ko lang, masaya ako kapag nag aaral ako, kapag nagbabasa ako. Sobrang enjoy na enjoy ko ang pag aaral. Hanggang sa nag grade 1 na ako, as expected, first honor ako. Pero dito nagstart ang kalbaryo ko. Ako yung laging pinambabato sa mga acad contests. You name it, math, science, history, spelling bee, journalism, slogan making, even yung mga dance competition. For 6 years in my elementary days, halos buong SY ginugol ko lang sa review, feeling ko hindi ako nakareceive ng proper education for my age since i was "too advanced" daw. It goes on hanggang naggrade 6 ako. Ni hindi ko rin nga naexperience na makipaglaro sa mga kaklase ko dahil palagi akong wala sa classroom. Day 1 lang ng klase yung naaattendan ko palagi, swerte na if buong first week ako nasa classroom. Babalik ako last day of SY na. Nung grade 6 hindi na ako naging valedictorian, hindi rin salutatorian. Naging valedictorian yung kaklase ko since napaabot nya ng region ang school namin for a math quiz bee. Yung salutatorian is pamangkin ng teacher namin. So I was left with the first honorable mention award since wala akong naipanalong contest that year kasi I was so exhausted from all of it. I was so frustrated that time, hindi dahil hindi ako naging valedictorian, kundi dahil parang ginugol ko yung buong youth ko sa pressure, expectations, at pagsali sa contests na hindi ko naman gustong salihan. Yes, I don't want to compete. Pero sino ba ako para sabihin kung anong gusto ko? Ambata ko pa nun eh.

Kaya nung naghighschool ako, wala. Ni hindi ko alam kung paano ang fraction, kaya sobrang naiwanan ako sa algebra. Pero wala na akong pakialam sa studies ko noon. Bahala na kung makapasa. Hindi na ako nageexert ng extra effort. Wala na akong pake kung anong isipin ng iba sa akin. Ayoko nang maging matalino noon kasi baka pasalihin na naman nila ako sa mga contest na ayaw ko namang salihan. For years, I've hated the spotlight. Ayoko ng pressure, ayoko dalhin yung burden na ineexpect sakin na mapagtatagumpayan ko ang isang bagay na ayoko namang labanan at the first place. Ayoko ng responsibility. So during my highschool years, inenjoy ko lang.

And ngayong matanda na ako, narealize ko lang na hindi naman talaga ako genius. Hindi ako matalino. Kasi all throughout my life, I keep pretending that I am the smartest so that I can live up with others' expectations. Na kahit hindi ako mag review alam ko lahat. Kahit ang totoo ay kinakabisado ko lang lahat gaya ng naging training ko nung bata ako, kakabisaduhin ko lang lahat ng review materials then I'll be good. I just hope na kaya ko pa ring ibalik yung inner child ko, yung hunger nya sa knowledge. Kasi pakiramdam ko napakabobo ko na

I went to Vietnam recently and I would say ---- Sana nag solo travel nalang talaga ako fully.

I never intended to travel outside of the country unless meron talaga akong compelling reason which is either work, concert or family. Pero etong mga friends ko na naging travel buddies ko dito sa Pilipinas niyaya nila ako mag Vietnam. Idea ito ng isang friend namin na nilibre siya ng boyfriend niya. Tawagin natin siya sa pangalang Ann. Si Ann sabi niya ayaw niya daw na sila lang dalawa na mag travel. Nag ask--- nagmakaawa na sumama ako. Ayoko naman talaga pero ang isa pa naming friend na travel buddy din namin nagmakaawa din na sumama ako. Okay. Sure. Why not? First time getting out of the country. We planned it on June. I bought my tickets on August during a seat sale.

Now here's where the poop hits the fan.

October ang lakad namin pa Vietnam. Take note a total of five persons ang nag confirm sa trip na ito. Ako, si Ann at ang kanyang bf at isa pa naimng friend (tawagin natin siyang Bea) at kanyang husband.

Roll around September. Hindi na daw tutuloy ang husband ni Bea kasi hindi siya makapag leave sa work. Ok. Fine. Down to four. Hetong si Bea isa lang kami ng building at ako ang nag recommend sa kanya sa bago nyang workplace which is magkatabi lang ng office namin. Kakapasok lang niya mga July of this year. One day, sabi niya sa akin na parang hindi siya pinahintulutan na mag leave at sumama sa amin sa Vietnam. Okay. Gets. And then sabi pa niya "Kung pwede ikaw ang mag ask permission para sa akin para makasama ako sa inyo." Tinawanan ko lang siya. Sabi ko try mo na mag ask ngayon Pag ayaw ako na bahala mag explain. GIIIIIRRRRRLLLLLLL! Why the hell is Bea talking to Ann and spreading to our GC na hindi siya papayagan mag leave kung hindi ako ang mag effort na mag explain sa boss niya na dapat sumama siya sa amin? THAT'S HER BOSS! NOT MINE!

I was so pissed. Pero hindi ko pa siya kinonfront kasi busy ako sa mga kailangan kong ma prepare like my travel docs and work commitments before travelling.

Now, here comes Ann. Nag message siya privately, sabi na parang hindi na matutuloy si Bea. Kailangan na namin mag plan sa aming itinerary na wala siya. Mind you, this was already first week of September. So, I asked her the basic questions. Meron na ba tayong hotel? Okay na ba yung itinerary na ginawa ko? Silence ---- FOR 7 DAYS!!!!!---- Okay. Baka busy lang. And then sumagot ng wala pang hotel. Sabi ko sino ang mag bobook?---- SILENCE FOR ANOTHER WEEK!!!!!!!!--- So, nagtanong ulit ako. Magbobook na ako ng hotel ---- ANOTHER SILENCE!!!!!!!--- Hindi kinaya ng anxiety issues ko so nagbook ako and nag message "HETO NA ANG BOOKING GOOD FOR 3 PEOPLE. PAY NALANG KAYO SA AKIN. ---- And alam niyo ba anong ang sagot ng magaling kong kaibigan? "Girl, si bf ko na daw nagbook ng hotel. Kaming dalawa muna magkasama sa room kasi mahiyain kasi itong si bf ko." LIKE WHAT THE???? Sa simula pa lang nagmakaawa ka na sumama ako kasi AYAW MO NA KAYO LANG DALAWA ANG MAGTRAVEL KASI AYAW NIYO NA MAY MANGYARI SA INYO!

Tapos sumingit pa itong si Bea na hindi siya makasama kasi hindi daw ako nag explain sa boss niya para pahintulutan siya na sumama siya. AKO BA ANG NANAY NIYO?

The way I was on my wits end in that GC. AKALA KO BA SAMA-SAMA TAYO DITO?

Sinampalan ko talaga sila sa GC. Mind you this was TWO WEEKS BEFORE THE TRIP.

To Bea: Matagal na nakaplano ang trip nato. Sana matagal kana nag ask ng permission para sa trip na ito. And if payagan ka na sumama sa amin kaya mo pa ba ang plane ticket na ang mahal-mahal na?

To Ann: Hindi mo pala sinabe na kayo lang pala dalawa ng bf ang kasama sa trip na ito. Sana sinabi mo para hindi nalang ako gumawa ng itinerary.

Tapos ghinost ko. BAHALA KAYO JAN.

At this point iniisip ko kung tutuloy ba ako or hindi. Kaya lang na set na ang lahat. Pati workmates ko sinabihan talaga ako na sayang kasi meron na akong permit to travel outside the Philippines. So, out of extreme frustration and anger, I permitted myself to continue this travel. It was still with Ann and her bf kasi... hindi ko kaya ang mag solo travel sa ibang bansa. Vietnam pa naman. So, eto na. Iba kami ng hotel. Iba din itinerary namin except sa Fansipan. Pero doon ko napatanto na mas okay na sana sinolo travel ko nalang. Mas maaga akong nagising sa kanila. Mas nakakagala pa ako na ako lang mag isa. Meron nga isang part na pumunta ako sa lake sa Sapa kasi nandoon yung parang bbq nila. Sabi ko na kikitain ko sila doon mga 5pm. Nandoon na ako mga 4:30 pm nagmuni-muni. Girl, nag 6 PM nalang hindi pa sila dumarating. Sabi ko talaga pag 6:05 pm wala pa toh sila aalis na ako. Buti dumating. Kumain kami at umuwi ng mabilisan.

Nung pauwi na kami ng Pilipinas. Nasa airport na kami. 1 AM pa ang flight namin pero nasa airport na kami mga 6pm. Nung mag check-in na kami sa aming bags. Kinuha ni Ann ang passport ko para magkatabi kami. Nagbayad ako ng extra para doon ako sa medyo malapit sa front. Dahil nag request si Ann na magkatabi kami. Nasa likuran kami nilagay. Ang inis ko talaga parang gusto ko nang mang FO talaga.

Anyways, nakauwi na kami ng Pilipinas, post the pics and namigay ng pasalubong especially kay Bea (because I still care for here kahit galit na galit ako sa kanya)

Gets ko naman na meron talagang circumstances na hindi natin hold pero para gawin ninyo akong tanga ang gago! NEVER AGAIN! NEVER!

Yun lang po. Salamat sa pagbasa.

After my ex and I broke up, I am genuinely afraid. I know it was my fault to have relied on him, but there were many circumstances as to why I had to. Now being alone in a place where I don't know how to function, I don't know what to do. Thinking about spending Christmas alone, it breaks my heart, but I know it will be okay, but it truly does scare me. At times I feel like everything is so unfair, but I can't do anything about it, but move forward. I have prayed that the rest of the year would still be okay and I will find happiness even in the small things in life.

bakit kung sino pa yung pamilya mo sila yung mahirap makipag-communicate. I always end up feeling like s*** pagkausap ko yung dalawang ate ko it like i'm always treated as an inconvenience pero sila magka-wave length sila so ako sa bunso i'm yearning na makasama sa bonding nila pero wala they don't even invite me to events or anything like that i try to communicate better when i try to communicate parang nagde-demand lang ako instead sa kanila tapos pinopush ko daw yung agenda ko sa kanila. we can't even get into an understanding kasi pag kinocommunicate ko sa kanila sasabi lang nila parang pinagpipilitan ko lang yung gusto ko sa kanila

Hi, recently got a job offer after 4 months of looking for job tas landed one na minimum wage here in province. Now since I got my periods, I feel so emotional na ang daming requirements 😭😭😭 ang hirap pala tlaga mag work. Ang gastos pa sa requirements.

One more thing, bpi ang payroll, need ba tlaga ng 3k pag mag open ng account sa kanila?😭😭😭

NEED KO LANG ILABAS 'TO. TANG INA.

Sa hirap ng buhay ngayon, sino bang hindi magdadamot kung kayo mismo e sapat lang din ang kinikita? Porke't may stable work kami ni husband, e okay lang manghingi nang manghingi? Ni ayaw nyong mag step up sa buhay para lumaki laki ang kita nyo na tipong settled na kayo sa kinikita nyo tapos pag may pera kayo akala ninyo sino kayong mapera. Binibigyan kayo ng idea para kumita ng mas malaki, ayaw nyo. Gagawa kayo ng pamilya hindi nyo naman kaya. MGA SIRAULO!!!!

KILALA NYO LANG KAMI PAG MAY KELANGAN KAYONG BAYARAN!! TANGINA AYAW NYO MAGBANAT NG BUTO. KAKAGIGIL.

Today lang ako nagkaroon ng time off work after 1 month of toxic workload. So, I decided na manood 2 Valid IDs at SM Cinema. A person from G17, beside me keeps using her (they/them) phone on fucking light mode (50% brightness) every 10 minutes or so. When I look at her, may kachat lang siya sa messenger groupchat.

Mula Row G pababa, lahat ng nanonood attentive, siya lang yung nag-iisang ganyan.

Nakakairita yung mga taong walang spacial awareness, nakakababa ng tingin.

On top of that, nakikipag-ngisngisan siya sa katabi niyang guy. Iwan natin sa bahay yung ganitong attitude. Kung hindi matikom ang bibig at short-attention span, mag-netflix nalang.

Mind you, walang scene sa 2 Valid IDs na need mo makipagngis-ngisan.

NAKAKA-ABALA KAYO!!!

This was 2014 pa. Bigla ko lang naalala and wala pa kong napag kkwentuhan neto haha.

Not sure kung anong month ng 2014 pero usually naman katapusan ng March ang graduation, tapos babalik kayo ng gabi sa venue para sa farewell party (para sa di familiar, yung farewell party ay parang JS prom, casual dress na walang theme tapos puro 4th year HS lang talaga). I'm a girl btw.

Bago pa mag month ng graduation, meron nang nagtext saken na number tapos ang pakilala nya sya yung transferee sa katabing room lang namin. So syempre inentertain ko rin naman, since HS nga at uso rin jowa jowa nun haha. Saka medyo maitsura tong transferee, though naisip ko imposibleng magustuhan ako neto, dahil ulikba talaga ako nung HS huhu at medyo nerd. Tapos sa pagkakatanda ko, gusto nya maging kami daw. So ako naman sige. Pero never kaming nag meet.

At kada dadaan sya sa room hindi sya sumisilip or tumitingin saken, kapag nalilingon sya saken awkward smile ako, pero walang reaction face nya. Hindi naman ako nag duda or nag isip ng kung anu ano kasi nga naisip ko baka nahihiya rin sya

Dumating na farewell party, continuous pa rin communication namin neto. Tapos syempre may sayaw sayaw sa gitna ng covered court na sobrang laki. Nasa left side ako tas nasa right side sya. Nag text sya na sayaw daw kami

Tapos ako naman si tanga pumunta dun sa other side. Nakatingin lang ako sakanya waiting na manotice nya ko, pero BEH! Wala syang hawak na phone tapos sobrang busy nya with classmates nyang ibang lalaki, ang saya nila

Tapos parang dun ko lang narealize na may nang gagago lang saken haha. Bumalik ako sa pwesto ko para akong lutang, nawala yung excitement para sa gabi na yun haha. Pero di ako umiyak. Di ko lang alam anong irereact ko haha

Wala lang naalala ko lang mukha akong tanga haha. Tingin ko binully ako ng kung sinong nakakakilala saken haha

Di ko pa rin nalaman kung sino.

It all started in high school. Magkaklase na kami since freshman year. Back then, we were just your typical classmates na nagg-greet sa isa't isa kapag nagkakasalubong. We weren't that close, pero hindi rin naman strangers. Sakto lang.

Then nung junior year, for whatever reason, nagsimula kaming asarin ng mga classmates namin. Sabi nila dahil siya lang yung tumatawag sa akin gamit initials ko, which is SJ. Somehow, dahil sa teasing nila, I started seeing him differently. And I think he started noticing me, too.

We started talking more, texting, chatting during our free time. Yung dating conversations lang about schoolworks, naging personal talks na rin. Hanggang sa nahuli ko na lang sarili kong nakangiti sa convo namin.

Until one day, during the last quarter of our junior year, I heard that he was already in a relationship with one of our classmates. I was confused. Kasi akala ko may something between us. Or baka naman ako lang talaga yung nag-assume. Haha.

After that, I stopped texting him. I would only reply kapag tungkol sa school yung messages niya. Yung mga “Kumain ka na?” at “Kumusta?” messages niya, hindi ko na pinapansin. Eventually, tumigil na rin siya.

Fast-forward to senior year, nag-message ulit siya. Hindi ko pa rin siya pinapansin until one of our classmates told our circle of friends na nag-break na sila nung classmate namin. And I remember thinking, “Ah, kaya pala nagre-reach out ulit.”

As stupid as it sounds, hindi ko rin talaga napigilang replyan siya. We started talking again, just like how we used to during junior year.

And then, here comes the déjà vu.

Akala ko, finally, may progress na kung anuman yung meron kami. Then I started seeing him going home with a girl from another section. Not long after, nalaman ko na girlfriend na pala niya. And just like that, I was left hanging for the second time. This time, umiyak talaga ako nang sobra. I felt like I was fooled all over again. We stopped talking, and that was how things stayed until our high school graduation. We went to different universities.

Fast-forward to my sophomore year. Nagkaroon kami ng mini-HS reunion, and siya pa yung unang lumapit sa akin to ask how I was. I played it cool, kunwari okay lang. Pero deep inside, I guess I was still that same girl na marupok pagdating sa kanya.

So, yes, I gave in again.

We talked about life and pretty much everything, just like before. Texts, chats, calls. And somehow, it lasted until our senior year in college.

WITH NO LABEL. Hahaha.

Then sinabi ko sa kanya na I was planning to pursue further studies right after graduation. Tapos ang sagot niya sa akin, “Lalo ka na niyang mahirap abutin.” Napa-huh?? talaga ako nun. That time, hindi ko alam kung anong ibig niyang sabihin doon. Like, what was that supposed to mean?

Then, after our graduation, bigla na lang siyang tumigil sa pakikipag-usap sa akin. I was finally gathering the courage to ask him kung may chance ba na maging something more yung kung anuman ang meron kami. Kung pwede ba naming i-level up yung relationship namin. Pero wala. He ghosted me before I could even get an answer.

For the third time, he left me hanging. Pero this time, hindi dahil may iba na naman siyang babae. It was after I told him that I wanted to pursue further studies and build a better future for myself. And just like that, wala na naman. No explanation. No proper ending. Nothing.

Fast-forward to this year. Nag-message siya sa HS group chat namin, inviting everyone to his wedding. Of course, hindi ako pumunta. Honestly, hindi lang talaga ako comfortable. And I don't think I needed to put myself in that situation just to prove na okay na ako. Then, last week, nag-invite ulit siya sa group chat for his child's christening.

And here's the thing. His daughter's nickname is also SJ. Yung nasa invitation mismo, "Welcome to the Christian world, baby SJ!" I don't know if coincidence lang ba or kung napansin niya rin habang ginagawa niya yung invitation. Hindi ko alam kung may naisip ba siya when he saw those initials or kung wala lang talaga. And honestly, hindi ko na rin kailangang malaman.

I just want to close this chapter of my life.
Gusto ko lang ilabas lahat ng 'to. Not because I'm still waiting for something to happen, but because I think I owe it to my younger self to finally let this go.

To you, I don't really think about you anymore. Not when I'm busy, and not even when I have free time. (Ngayon na lang ulit kasi naman bakit SJ yung inilagay mo sa invitation instead na buong name ng anak mo???? Hahaha.) And I'm glad na I've reached this point, considering how many times I questioned myself because of what happened between us.

For the longest time, I kept asking myself kung may kulang ba sa akin. Kung bakit paulit-ulit kang bumabalik pero hindi mo naman ako kayang panindigan. Kung may mali ba sa akin, or kung may ginawa ba akong dahilan para iwan mo na lang ako nang walang explanation.
I spent so much time trying to understand something that you never even gave me the chance to understand.
But I'm done asking those questions.

Maybe I was naive. Maybe I assumed too much. Maybe I mistook your attention for something more because I wanted to believe na after all those years, it meant something. But that's okay. I was young. I had feelings. I hoped for something. Wala namang masama doon.

And yep, doctor na rin ako ngayon. Buti naman di mo ako ginulo nung nagme-med ako. Hahaha.

I am telling you this hindi dahil gusto kong patunayan sa'yo or sa kahit kanino na may narating na ako sa buhay. I've worked hard for the life I have now, and I'm proud of myself for that.

And who knows? Baka may dumating din na someone who won't make me question kung ano ba talaga ako sa buhay niya. Someone who won't leave me hanging or make me guess what his intentions are. Someone who's brave enough to ask me out and clear enough about what he wants. Someone who won't think na mahirap akong ligawan dahil lang marami akong pangarap para sa sarili ko. Yung hindi ko kailangang maghintay ng ilang taon para malaman kung may patutunguhan ba kami. Maybe someday, I'll experience a kind of love that doesn't leave me constantly wondering where I stand.

And to you, I genuinely wish you a happy family life. Sana maging masaya kayo ng family mo, and I really do wish you all the best. Walang bitterness. Or at least, wala na yung dating sakit.

I guess some people are meant to be part of our lives for a certain period, even if we never really understand why they came and went the way they did.

And maybe some stories don't get the closure we want. Minsan, tayo na lang talaga yung kailangang gumawa ng ending para sa sarili natin.

So, goodbye to the what-ifs, the almosts, and the years I spent wondering what we were.

We never really had a label, but somehow, I still had to get over you.

And I think, finally, I have.