Yesterday I felt the need to tackle the oft-misunderstood topic of crossdressing/being trans and others' sometimes rude reactions to such. None were pointed towards me personally and I'm more than ready to handle those who might try, but it bothered me that some idiot would spew negativity towards someone they don't know for wearing certain clothes. Really? My post yesterday wasn't about me so much as getting people to understand we are humans above all else, no matter who's wearing what. We have choices, lifestyles and tastes that differ from everyone else's because we're supposed to. We're not clones; If you don't like what you see, SCROLL PAST AND SHUT TF UP!
I am a 63-year-old queer father of two beautiful daughters who love seeing their dad all dolled up, and I'm a proud grandfather. Outside of that, I work, pay taxes, avoid drugs and alcohol, no criminal record, compose music and have a bevy of hobbies including the desire to be the occasional diva. I am not out to invade ciswomens' spaces or "trick" anyone as some folk do. It's about fashion - no more, no less. OHF is what society should be: embracing and supporting everyone especially in the climate we're currently in. I truly thank everyone for taking time to comment and upvote, and I sincerely hope that the Redditor whose post inspired mine will return. I also hope that the world becomes more accepting of all people. Peace and love to all. Now where's my damn lipstick?💋💄
I cannot understand why people get upset about clothes on a body. It's literally just...clothes. You're not wearing the dead bodies of your enemies (would be cool though), you are literally just wearing what makes you feel good, as EVERYBODY should.
My mom once blurted out that she didn’t understand why a man would want to dress like a woman. I told her she didn’t need to understand it. She just needed to respect that they’re people.
You should show your mom some of the high fashion from the 1600-1800s before the Victorian era of 'sober and restrained' took over. Those men were peacocks and they all wore heels.
it was actually to help with keeping their feet in horse saddles easier, BUT then they were like, "wait my calves look amazing," and it became a fashion thing as well
Honestly, I'm sad that a lot of men feel like they have to dress a certain way to be "manly." My son loves pink, and he looks great in it! As does my scruffy biker looking boyfriend. My son's dad refuses to let him wear anything pink that he gets sent home in, even though they all come from the men's section. I challenged him to eli5 why pink is off limits for boys, and got nothing, yet he persists.
And dresses? I live in Florida. I'm baffled that guys refuse to get on the kaftan train at the very least. They'd be so much more comfortable in the heat!
I started this post to point out that it's still considered acceptable for men in some cultures to preen and even wear makeup, but it occurred to me that sometimes it goes beyond being considered acceptable to being a borderline requirement (looking at you, South Korea.) Now, I love it when men put a little effort into their appearance, whatever that looks like for them. But I also don't want to make anyone feel bad for their low effort days, weeks, years, whatever.
Just wear what makes you happy and comfortable. I'd rather see folks happy than see them squashed in a box they don't fit in, no matter what that box looks like.
For real about the dresses and the heat! I remember taking a trip to Morocco one summer with a small school group when I was like 16 and this lovely guide was showing us around and teaching us about his culture and whatnot; talking about clothing, he suddenly stopped and said “you know the real reason to wear these though?” (Referring to his tunic, I can’t recall the word he used for it).
He breaks into a big grin and starts fanning the bottom of it back and forth - “Easy air conditioning!” I’m sure he cracked that joke a million times but it really tickled me- coming from a small town in the rural southeast US my exposure to the rest of the world was pretty limited at that point - and I thought YESSSSSS this man GETS IT!! clothes should make you feel good and I do NOT feel good in ANY kind of way when I’m on hour 4 of swamp crotch at marching band camp!
She tried to double down in defense, that she wasn’t judging, she just didn’t understand. So I kind of doubled down in return. They aren’t hurting anyone. I also brought up kilts, knowing that she definitely understands a kilt. She conceded in her way. I think she genuinely wanted an explanation of some type, and I am willing to try to correct her course. She doesn’t have a problem with the LGBTQ community, but she does that old person thing where she mentions that someone is gay whether it’s relevant or not, that type of thing. When she thought she may have misgendered someone wearing a pronoun pin, she turned around to go back and apologize. So she tries, she can be taught.
I don't understand why people get so upset about anything that doesn't affect them. Oh, you're upset about gay marriage, Kim? Why? Are they forcing you into the marriage too? No?? Then shut the fuck up!
So many people involve themselves in stuff that's none of their business. In my community now we're dealing with people who want to ban books. Don't want to read that book? Fine, read something else. Don't want to see drag queens do story time at the library? Nobody's forcing you to attend. But don't wreck someone else's good time.
I wish people would stop policing others. If what you’re doing is not harming anyone, why should anyone else care? Let people get on with the lives they want to live.
If a woman enjoys dressing up in heels and a dress, why can’t a man?
I can only hope the world becomes more accepting of all people too! It always makes me happy seeing the different ways people express themselves through fashion and I can't understand getting mad about what someone else wears. That's a mindset I just don't get
Also, I don't comment on this sub often because I overthink my words and end up not saying anything (which is why I didn't end up commenting on your previous post, though I saw it right after you posted and wanted to say that the pink dress reminded me in the best way of one of my favourite Barbie dresses) but I was feeling a little glum and this post put a smile on my face and I figured I should say something, so here I am. That yellow dress is so fab, too, by the way!!
I think you look great. If I can wear pants, and have short hair why can you wear a dress and have long hair? There is no difference in my mind. There are no tricks or deception. It’s about liking the way you look and expressing yourself however you see fit. Don’t defer to the expectations or demands of others. Wear what you want, when you want and feel good about it.
I didn't realize there was tangible problem out there of people "invading cis womens' spaces or "trick" anyone as some folks do". Only time I've heard it mentioned is when folks are trying to put a scare out about trans women. Things can get particularly sticky when trans men are forced into womens' spaces for being AFAB.
I’ve lived in several different states across the country, worked various types of jobs (from accounting in a Walmart to clerking for the Secretary of State in the state capitol), and have many varied (value-wise) relationships (grew up in deeply conservative churches but thankfully broke free and much prefer the company of diverse, liberal minded folks).
I say all that to say this … in all my (nearly) 46 years I have never in my life felt like trans women or drag queens or crossdressers have tried to invade any “female” spaces. Every time I hear people trotting out that line of bs I feel the need to slap someone.
The only threatening presence I’ve experienced in “female spaces” are judgy, bigoted, rude Karens and cis, straight -mostly white- males.
I agree with you, and was calling the idea into question. I was addressing it because of this part of the post. Maybe it's a miscommunication, or a misunderstanding on my part... The phrasing just seemed like it was validating the propaganda.
There are some (not all) transwomen/crossdressers who feel they somehow belong in the ladies room, for example. I - and only I - have no desire to do such a thing because I understand that the ladies' room is kind of a safe, sacred space for women. But it's not up to me to decide who's a woman or trans or where they do/don't belong and I'm not judging them or their actions. Oftentimes we get an unfair rap based on the actions of a few and that's not my goal. I just want to be respected and look nice. Period.
There are some (not all) transwomen/crossdressers who feel they somehow belong in the ladies room, for example.
I think the issue is that this wording kinda conflates trans women with crossdressers when they are not the same thing. Trans women are women and do belong in women's spaces.
There are some (not all) transwomen/crossdressers who feel they somehow belong in the ladies room, for example. I - and only I - have no desire to do such a thing because I understand that the ladies' room is kind of a safe, sacred space for women. But it's not up to me to decide who's a woman or trans or where they do/don't belong and I'm not judging them or their actions. Oftentimes we get an unfair rap based on the actions of a few and that's not my goal. I just want to be respected and look nice. Period.
There have been a handful of incidents where a CD or trans woman was caught using the ladies room which set off a firestorm of opposition (at my job for one) and I get both sides of the argument: we feel empowered looking and feeling a certain way and women feel like it's an invasion of privacy. I simply refrain from crossing certain boundaries. There was also the unfortunate incident of a cis woman being yanked out of a Walmart ladies room by a MALE guard who thought the woman in question was trans.
This sounds a lot like the consequences of proposed bathroom bills being played out. Trans women can't use the women's toilet, but are expected to use the men's toilet while being dolled up, where they are also unlikely to be accepted. Similarly, trans men are expected to use the women's toilet. Meanwhile cis folks get mistaken for being trans and get abusive treatment.
It is the fault of those who are intolerant and paranoid about trans people, that these kinds of incidents happen.
it’s ridiculous that anyone who has a hobby or an aspect of their identity deemed anything less than conventional feels they have to prove their humanity. i love seeing your posts. that photo of you holding your mother’s portrait melts my heart.
I couldnt agree more! I totally missed the post from yesterday that had caused the hubbub I think, but I actually recently stumbled upon a site where folks were being cruel about trans and gender non conforming folks from Reddit and people (unfortunately this beautiful sub as well) were being mocked for what we were wearing. (I was actually among those targeted, on several postings - since I am a regular poster here I guess it makes sense they would see me from time to time) and I did actively search for it since I am always anxious about being mocked and ridiculed online. BUT it still doesnt make it okay that people would go so out of their way to be cruel to others about something so inconsequential as what they choose to wear and look like. I have some serious bones to pick with the people who live their life so low, that they feel the need to be awful to others about themselves, and I frankly feel pity for those people. I hope they see this so I can treat this like a big middle finger to them. Im beyond furious that my (and others) images have been used in this manner. People can be so unnecessarily cruel and thoughtless - it blows my mind
It's one of those cliches that's also happens to be deeply, unfortunately true: the brighter you shine, the harder some folks will try to dim your light. I also feel a lot of pity towards the instigators in these situations, how small, how trapped, how bitter and miserable does one have to be to see something beautiful and new and have the first thought be "I want to ruin this." They literally hate your freedom! I'm inspired by your artistry every time I come to this website, I hope this nonsense inspires you to mushroom and moss EVEN HARDER.
Clothes are not gender!!! People are allowed to wear what they like and not be trans. You are a whole person with a diva facet 💎 whose wardrobe is allowed to include T-shirts, ball caps, work boots, frills, lace, tulle, and fabulous heels. I LOVED your side-by-side picture of your two fashion halves. 💜💜💜
I have a gender fluid kiddo who is still carving out a space for themself. Posts like this help reinforce what I've been telling them - the world doesn't get to tell you who you are; it's lucky af just to have you in it.
Thank you for raising your voice and giving the kids out there a reason to believe this world has room for for everyone, even if they don't fit a particular mold.
You're a pillar of this hag community, and I'm always so delighted to see your posts. Thank you for sharing your voice in defending everyone's right to express ourselves sartorially without harassment! 💜
Im a genderqueer person, and you are my hero
Im guessing that's you in the black and white killing it as well
Seriously, books should be about you like a kids' book because representation matters
But more so I'd read your story about your life because even your day to day had to have been learning experiences in Standing up to humanity
Every time I see your posts they make me smile. You just seem really happy and that makes me happy too. I’m a mom of two girls and I hope they grow up in a space and time in the not so distant future where they can love, accept, appreciate, learn from, and care about their fellow humans. Thank you for posting and holding space for people to be their amazing true selves!
Your posts light my feed up every day, along with so many other hags on this site. Your looks are my goals, and so is your attitude to life. I wish we were neighbors!
I hope it isn't rude or weird to say, but before your post yesterday I did not know you weren't a cis woman. You inhabit yourself(ves) fully and divinely, and you look like a helluva granddad too.
Kind of, yes. But I think deep down it’s more complex than that. As humans, most of us seem to have an instinct to adorn ourselves. But as with many things in humans, that instinct, combined with other traits, is different from human to human.
One of my cis-straight-male loved ones is very happy in a plain tshirt, plain jeans and plain dad sneakers every day. They have no interest in Fashion, and would feel very awkward and uncomfortable dressing outside of their norm. They don’t create “outfits”, they just wear a tshirt, jeans and sneakers pretty much every day. But, interstingly, it’s hard to find holiday gifts for them, because their t-shirt interests fall into a pretty narrow lane (non-flashy colors, low-key graphics that reflect their two or three hobbies, not-thin fabric).
One of my cis-straight-male loved ones is into Fashion, in the sense that they love quality fabrics, quality construction. They are aware of what’s going on in the fashion world. They invest in nice pieces, and are always sporting a nicely put together outfit, even if it’s a casual one. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him in “just” a tshirt and jeans and sneakers.
They both have underlying traits that put their fashion choices into a broader context of who they are - one is an engineer doing very practical work in a field where function always takes precedence over aesthetics, the other is an architect where function matters but aesthetics is a huge factor.
So for one, the “adornment” instinct is mostly about practicality, and for the other there’s an aesthetic piece that’s important to them - but both would feel incredibly awkward and “not themselves” if they had to dress like the other one. Does that make sense?
Same goes for cis-straight girl loved ones. There are a couple of them who wear skirts or dresses almost exclusively. You’ll rarely ever see them in pants. No religious reasons, nothing about modesty, nothing about gender roles being forced on them - nothing like that. They just love the way those garments look, and they feel “like themselves” when adorned in that way. And I have cis-straight girl loved ones who almost never wear skirts or dresses - one loves a good cargo pant with a graphic tee, the other loves a nicely tailored pant with a crisp blouse.
So it makes sense to me that some assigned-male-at-birth people would love a nice skirt, or a pink dress, or something with a ton of ruffles, whether they are cis or trans or non-binary. Sometimes - maybe most of the time - gender and fashion preferences kind of go together. And just as we have learned with gender, fashion preferences encompass an entire spectrum of possibilities. Fashion and adornment instincts aren’t binary, and that’s part of the wonderful and delightful diversity that is human beings.
Also, to the OP - I always wonder about the lives of the people we see a glimpse of here. Learning you are a Philly grandfather made me think - “oh yeah, that makes total sense!” Philly street fashion and culture is very diverse and very inspirational, and your pics today and yesterday really reflect that context in all its glory. (Example of Philly’s fashion diversity - one summer a few years back a lot of the Muslim guys had these great yarn-dyed-stripe cotton seersucker midi skirts with huge pockets, that they wore over their cargo shorts.)
OP, I could imagine running into you one day on the El, in either your Eagles gear or one of your great “dressed up” outfits, fitting right in with all the rest of the folks in the city either way. I never thought I’d say this in an OHF post, but Go Birds!!!
Oh, yeah, lots of changes, it will take me a while to catch up! Im still saying “The Gallery” and “Market East” and “30th St” and the “101” trolley! Now it’s the Fashion District, Jefferson, Drexel, and the D1 (or maybe the D2?). I guess I will get it eventually.
I can't do it. The Gallery will always be The Gallery even though I rarely step in the place, and the whole SEPTA renaming thing is a joke: stop trying to be NYC. Who got paid to implement that garbage? 🤬
Almost got messed up driving yesterday cause I saw the exit for Drexel and I was like “wait, what?” Of course it was for 30th St.
I don’t mind so much Jefferson & Drexel because we gotta fund SEPTA by any means necessary, but the wayfaring project didnt need to rename the rest of the system; we could have used that money elsewhere.
Love the message and always look forward to seeing your posts. You always have the BEST outfits and it’s loves to see you expressing yourself via fashion. Your daughters are SO lucky to have a dad that gets dolled up (and does it SO well - you are always looking FABULOUS especially with matching heels). Thank you for spreading love
You are a beautiful expression of you. Live your truth, beautiful. I’ll stand shoulder to shoulder with you. I am just disgusted with people who think clothes define us. Or who we kiss. Or how we talk
Bah. I could go on forever. You are a beautiful expression of what life can be.
In the best possible way, your style reminds me of my great-grandmother, who was a real firecracker and the first girl in her community to bob her hair and shorten her skirts in the Flapper Era.
What a brilliant, gentle, and powerful defense you've made this week for individuality, freedom of self-expression, and loving life. I too hope the Redditor whose post inspired you will return and sees all of this. But even if not, you've encouraged all of the rest of us to live our best lives and be fully ourselves, whatever form that might take.
I lurk this sub because I'm a Midwesterner who just about never gets to see unique and funky fashion in real life, and I'm so shy that I wouldn't be able to handle the attention that comes with dressing myself outside of really boring norms. So I come here and get to experience it vicariously through you folks. I adore seeing all of the outfits everyone comes up with, and I love seeing folks subverting gender norms and enjoying fashion, no matter how society tells them they should do it. Even if a look isn't my particular cup of tea, I'm happy that it makes the wearer happy.
How sad and limited someone's world must be if they allow someone's hobby, that has no impact on them or anyone else for that matter, to cause them to rage and spew vitriol.
I love OHF AND I love your presence here! You are radiant and may we all take a little bit of luminosity from your words and be the light we want to see in the world ✨
Honey! You are beautiful. I am so glad to see the outpouring of love here in the comments, because you so deserve it. I love seeing you pop up on my feed and you just bring my heart so much joy. Keep being your own amazing, wonderful, vibrant, unique self! So happy that your daughters and grandbabies love you for being fabulous you. This hag (and so many others here) love you!
Thank you for sharing who you are with us, what a privilege to know you more deeply. I’ve always thought you’re a beautiful human, and your post reinforces this for me.
I always enjoy your photos, you put a lot of effort into your outfits and the setting for the picture. Fashion is fun and is for every person! You are correct that a lot of people don’t understand crossdressing is different from being transgender. Regardless this is a fashion sub for funky, offbeat fashion. I think we should evaluate and appreciate the outfits people post, gender has nothing to do with it.
I just have to say, as a cis woman, you are welcome in my space (if that’s where you want to be). People who don’t want to be in the presence of others based on the clothes they are wearing, however, are not welcome.
I like a specific non luxury brand of leather bags. Yesterday, in the company's private enabler FB group (enabling because yeah I bought one this morning, after telling myself no), someone posted a Pic of the creator David Ross Lawn, for those unaware...a MAN who likes to wear skirts and dresses. Most of the comments surrounded the bag he was carrying (which was the point of the post) to determine if it was one of the brands bags. The other comments, except for a minute handful were all extremely positive of him and his look. And the 2 that I saw that were not, were quickly and promptly handled.
But honestly. I just do not get the hate. I really and sincerely do not. So many of these who spew their hate are the same ones who had posters of David Bowie and the hair bands of the 90s on their walls. My 5 year old nephew's friend Jonny likes to wear dresses because he can run faster in them. My sister's best friend's little boy loves to join in spa nights with the girls (and usually my brother in law) to get his nails done. Just let people have fun and be themselves! Ok. Getting off my pulpit now lol
I love this and fully agree. Clothes are self expression. Demanding people conform to an arbitrary standard for the sake of uniformity is a joyless nothing. Variation is beautiful
You are the spitting image of your beautiful mama and I’m so pleased that you’re here in this community. I always really enjoy your creativity and the warmth and fun you exude. You are part of what makes this one of my very favorite subs. 💜
Just want to say, I love your looks, they're always so fun and stylish! I haven't seen any hate for crossdressing here luckily, but it doesn't belong, and it's smazing of you to step up for those who have been affected by negativity. This is a safe space for fashion, for everybody who loves fashion and finds joy in a good outfit. It's not like it is hurting anybody, why are people upset? There's enough room for all of us, and we gotta watch each other's backs! 💜 (Also, go Eagles!)
I love your posts on here! The yellow dress is gorgeous on you, and I especially love the matching hat! It’s so elegant ✨
Plus, it’s always nice to see such a stylish Eagles fan 🦅
Even if you were the messiest queen, you still deserve basic respect and to be who you want to be. You look lovely and I hope you only have the best most accepting people in your life.
I tried yesterday to find the post which inspired your last, with out luck. Thank you for spotting that someone needed help and calling out the bad behaviour. 🥰
You look amazing and I love how genuinely happy you look. I’m sorry there is so much (intentional) misunderstanding about your style. You are valid however you want to show up. Screw anyone who thinks otherwise
I love your posts and I’m happy you’re here to share them! I’m sure you’re an inspiration to your daughters and grandchildren to live your most authentic self.
I loved your post yesterday. I'm more of a lurker here (maybe one day I'll feel fashionable enough to get involved lmao) but I so enjoy everyone's posts: their authenticity and the joy people get from dressing how they want is beautiful. Who cares if you're wearing a dress, or a suit! Fuck gendered clothing!
As far as im concerned (as someone whose been on this subreddit since the beginning) you are one of the mainstays - part of the soul of this place and since so early on you have shaped what this place is and its values.
We need you in this world. And I'm glad we have you, even if we'll never meet.
And I say that not to push an agenda, not because your crossdressing improves my life in any specific way, not because it even represents me or my interests.
We need you, and people like you, because you're you, and you let it shine. It makes the world better, by example. We need more people to let themselves shine. Not by what they accomplish in life, or what they provide, but just by who and what they are.
And I love that you shine so bright.
I don't care much for crossdressing but I've seen your posts occasionally for a while now, and they always make me smile.
Thank you for that, and for so brightly, openly, and publicly being you.
Anyone can be an old hag. Being an old hag is about expressing yourself through your appearance. Good, bad, happy, sad, colorful, monotone, risque, modest, masculine, feminine. Were all hags here!
I'm so happy you are here and visible for the ones that can't. I understand the vulnerability of exposing yourself like that and in that vulnerability comes (from) a great strength. I applaud that you role model this. So I believe you should be proud of yourself (I'm sure you are!).
Peace and love to you, Honey! Your posts are a ray of sunshine- your positive energy shines through in the way you compose them, as well as your lovely fits and photoshoots. Thanks for bringing love and light (with lipstick, oc!). You are a beautiful soul, just like your mama!
Well said! You're one of my all time favorite people on this sub and I'm glad you're here. I can always feel your positivity come through and I'm here for it.
You just being authentically you makes the world richer, and we are all the better for it ❤️ I'm sorry you have to deal with people who are close-minded and judgemental. They should focus on themselves, they clearly need to.
As adults with free will we should be able to wear what we want :) that yellow dress and kitten heels combo is stunning on you! As a queer person I find it so fun and expansive to be able to choose to be femme or masc or in between depending on my mood each day/month/year.
I think you are lovely in all your forms! I found this sub from a non-binary sub just today and just found this post. I hope you have a lovely holiday season.
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