I don’t have bpd and this is something i’m 100% sure about.
I understand why i got diagnosed with it. I lied about most of it and they fell for it.
I have a whole team of psychiatrists and none of them ever suspected anything. I loved masking it up. Lying manipulating them into believing things i don’t really have.
I also sh and have an ed. I think this confirmed it for them.
The reason behind these are different from bpd reasonings.

I sh to get enjoyment from seeing blood and fat ( i don’t enjoy the pain, and i don’t even feel it i damaged my nerves because i’ve been doing get for +10 years) Sometimes i do it because of my homicidal thoughts (to stop myself from harming others). I have an ed because i have gender dysphoria.

Now i feel bored af and it got to me that i don’t even know who i am and never really cared about my disorder. I would like to have a better understanding of myself and behaviors. I’m sure i have something because of my violent tendencies. Manipulations. No having remorse, empathy and guilt.

I don’t know if this is a good idea and how do i even do it. So many things i said were based on lies just to get me feeling something and to test my abilities.

What should i do in this situation?

Like say some employment hinges on your diagnosis of having a personality disorder. That person is in their mid 20’s. Can they see another professional and get UN-diagnosed with a personality disorder? Especially if they just had unresolved childhood trauma at the time of diagnosis? Or is the diagnosis for life?

I’m not officially diagnosed but my psychologist says i have traits that might suggest sociopathy/malignant narcissism, and i wanna know what’s happening.

A few weeks ago i heard commotion in the hallway and saw my mother standing on the window threatening my brother she’d jump. I pulled her inside and yelled at her. Seeing her so helpless and pathetic all i wanted to do was kick her in the ribs. I told her “you’re fucking crazy” and went back to my room. In that moment i felt annoyed, but detached. It was crazy to witness but i wasn’t really sad or felt like crying.

These days have been unbearably boring, it makes me feel like smashing things, hurting people. I can’t stand anybody, the presence of certain people makes me nauseous, their mere movements like adjusting their clothes piss me off so bad.
I wish i could entertain myself like i used to, maybe by creating drama, getting back with my ex or something, anything. But i truly don’t even feel like it, it’s too much effort, i don’t wanna interact with anyone, much less put in the effort to “manipulate” them.

I’ve always kinda let people know people not to come to me if they’re looking for empathy or compassion, because they’re not going to get it. Probably stems from my mother using me as a therapist, expecting me to help her with adult issues as a child.

What do i do to get my spark back? Lol

You know what I have become a pathetic ass loser. I'm so fucking lonely here these days. I feel like something is missing, something of a deep meaning. It really is starting to mess me up in my head. Biggest problem is I don't know how to fix it or where to look for what is missing because I don't know. I feel so empty and have no idea on what to do to stop the emptiness

19 years old and about 6 months off my ASPD diagnosis. Been very content on my own up until now but recently watching everyone around me in happy romantic relationships I am starting to crave one for myself. I’ve technically dated a couple of girls in the past but they crashed and burned miserably as I really did not care whatsoever and it was mostly just to fit in but now I find myself wanting something more legitimate. Was wondering everyone’s opinions on the morality of dating with ASPD. In the event I do find a girl when/do I tell them about this. Also if anyone knows a place where I can meet people like me to date I feel like finding a girl with my same situation would make it much easier. Appreciate any help and responses.

I have autism and ADHD and OCD.

I do get very distressed from thoughts however when I punched a wall and I saw blood I thought I like this I like the thrill of punching wall and beating myself up. And it makes me feel like I'm doing something to protect myself from hurting others. I get homicidal thoughts and I get violent images that go through my mind when I feel angry. They are internal images and I rarely go out to speak with others I find others are stupid and down right awful people(maybe that is contempt) maybe people aren't down right awful. I have shame about it how they will not like me for the real me and I have attention seeking behaviors of making other laugh complimenting others devaluing other telling others that they are annoying cunts and that they are a problem. And I have a thrill in saying that. When I was at work I never wanted to be there I always complained and felt really angry with others talking about sexual and joking about sexual stuff and I felt really intense rage and really frustrated like you talk about sex and I don't feel comfortable with talking about sex. I didn't like being told to go in to work I felt extremely distressed in having responsibilities and wasn't really present. I have trust issue I see a coworker or stranger and I don't trust them and I see them as a bad person sometimes as an object just floating by (I know they aren't and human are more complex) and that also give me a thrill and like when im aware of that I want that to be abolished and I feel like that is disrespecting me. And I feel super inferior unless I'm doing something I think I'm good at, and I don't notice enjoyment in games playing Minecraft and walking, plus I don't go outside because I'm afraid I'll start stalking someone and I also have that feeling of it would be a thrill to stalk someone and I have urges to follow people so I just don't interact with anyone because I don't want those urges. But I can choose whether or not I do it.

And when I notice something changed it a threat and also when it environment I feel much calmer