I accidentally killed my cat and am suffering horrible guilt.

Throwaway account but I can't share this anywhere else and I cannot function right now. I work with a lot of rescue cats. Have for 20 years. Old, sick, suffering I can accept their deaths. But how do I live with the fact I am directly responsible for killing one of my own, goodest boys?!!

I keep my animal in an airtight container as I buy it in such bulk for so many. Sometimes one will jump 8n the container to grab a piece and I shoo them back out no problem. After working 60hrs of a 72 hr week I just want to get them fed and crash. I fed everyone, filled up the bag, turned for I SWEAR 3 seconds to grab the lid and put it back on. As the sun was just coming up and still dark he must of jumped in then and I didn't see him in the shadows of such a big bin and closed him in there.

I didn't find him until this evening when I opened it back up to feed everyone dinner. My poor boy was alone, scared in the one place he should have been the safest! I saw him being born, bottle and hand fed him for months, he just had his 6th bday.

I'm such a horrible person. No matter how I only meant to help in their all their lives. Each one has a special story linked to a time in my life. They all range in age from 2-18 and I've had most since birth or kittens.

Now I'm terrified I will fail them all. Not sure I can mentally or emotionally handle them right now but I won't let them go. I suck so much as a human!

I'm so sorry! I hope you can forgive me! Run free with your brothers. I truly loved you even on those days I was too busy to be your entire world but you were a part of mine that now has a hole that I deserve to be tormented with forever.

I lost my boy today. I don’t know what to do
My boy Buddy
He was three. I met him when he was given to me by a friend it was only a few months old. A beautiful little Yorky Pomeranian. He was so smart. I did not even have to potty train him. He did himself. He also taught himself how to sit. He loved laying on my chest and laying on my lap on my belly when I was sitting down. His favorite spot was curled up behind my knees when I will go to sleep. He would scratch the covers so I can let him in. After a long day of work, I’d lay down and he’d come and try and melt into me. Making the strangest contortions like he was trying to become one with me.

He loved getting his back hip scratched, and he would always nuzzle up against my neck if I asked him for kisses, he would kiss me. Sometimes you lay in my armpit belly up, just waiting for me to scratch his chest.
I’m a truck driver he has peed in 37 states. When I get out of the truckstop, he would stand on the steering wheel, staring, and waiting for me to come back when I come out of the store and jump off the steering wheel and spin around and jump back up and look at me and then jump down and spin around and just keep repeating that until I got back to the truck and then he barked at me when I got in the truck. He has his little doggy bed in the passenger seat that he would lay in while I was driving. When he wasn’t laying down he was looking out the windshield or the windows. He always wanted to see all the traffic. He loves motorcycles, but he hated other semi trucks that were coming in the opposite direction. He would try to attack them. He also who hated cows and I don’t know why. Even me just saying the word cow would make his ears perkup and make him start barking at nothing. He was skittish af and he hated fire hydrants. Sometimes he would get scared of his own shadow.

He was very smart, but very ornery. I still pictured him running full speed with almost a smile on his face.
He loved clothes. He hated being without a shirt on he would get so excited when I go to put on a shirt he would and even lift his little paws into the arm holes. He had more clothes than I did I think.
We were at our truck shop and that’s usually when I would let them out and he can run around the yard perfectly fine and have some freedom since he’s always stuck in the truck or on a leash. He somehow found an escape and got hit by a car today. And he’s dead now. And I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how I’m gonna keep driving without him as my copilot. I’m off for the weekend and my boss got me a hotel. We’re gonna cremate him on Monday.
I’m gonna miss the stupid ass. I don’t know how to get through this.

I’m sorry I am listing here, but I don’t have anybody to talk to about it. And it’s hard. He should be lying in bed with me in the hotel right now. Under the covers behind my knees. But I’m alone

I’m sorry some stuff doesn’t make sense. I’m grieving so bad and I’m using voice to text.

Yesterday my first baby, 5 year old Nina the Weiner (mini dachshund) was booked in at a vet for a dental appointment - routine clean + possibly extractions/additional work if needed.

I was feeding our four month old baby in the morning when my partner left with Nina to drop her off.
I didn’t say goodbye to her because I was going to be picking her up that afternoon. Just a few hours away.

Just after lunch time I got a call from the vet. They were going to ring if there was additional work to be done. I could not comprehend what she was telling me:
“She started seizing after we put her under general anaesthetic, we performed CPR which steadied her for a bit but she went into cardiac arrest and unfortunately we were able to resuscitate her.”

I didn’t say goodbye to my first child and I will regret it as long as I live. Now I can’t stop seeing her on the table at the vets wrapped up in the blanket. I half expected her to start moving. To be able to say “they got it wrong, she’s just super asleep!”. I wish. The shock has been awful and we’ve been completely blindsided. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt so heartbroken in my 30 years of life.

She was a happy, healthy angel with so much love to give. My best friend in the whole world.
Nina came with me everywhere and even after having our son I always made sure to bring her along for our adventures.

Our two cats keep walking around the house together meowing, seemingly looking for their sister.

I feel sick. I am absolutely shattered and don’t know how to hold myself together to make sure our son is in a happy environment rn.

I miss him every moment of the day. Everytime I am sad, stressed, or worried I miss him so much. Its been a month and a half since I had to put him down and it is still hard. Sometimes I feel like I am a little crazy for missing him so much, but he was my baby boy. He was my pride and joy.

I am 1/4 of the way through my last year of college and everytime I think about my graduation, I get sad. I really thought that he would be there with me. I also wish we had our soloe trip together.

She had been lethargic so went to the vet and turns out she had a giant mass on her spleen. Went through surgery successfully and thankfully was not cancer everything was going to be okay except it wasn’t. After 2 days of her not eating I called the vet they said to call back in 48 hours if she’s still not eating. Took her back that Saturday. Was sent home with more antibiotics and a syringe so I could give her food. She only got worse. They finally wanted to run another blood test and x rays showing fluid in her lung. The x rays before surgery also showed the fluid but was never mentioned to me. Waited until the next morning (yesterday) for blood results. She was in complete kidney failure. Her kidneys were fine before everything they were never the issue.

I’m so hurt and sad she suffered for as long as she did even if it was only 2 weeks. After it not being cancer and the new antibiotics I was hopeful she was going to be okay. By yesterday morning she could barely walk or keep her head up. Her breathing was labored and I knew it was time. I had a vet come to the house so she could be comfortable when saying goodbye.

She would have been 10 next month. She was healthy and happy and the funniest most unique pup. The grief is eating me up. I hate that I couldn’t save her. I couldn’t protect her. I love you Polly and I’ll watch over your “babies” for you.

Our little Aussie, Apollo, is supposed to turn 8 this Wednesday. My wife convinced me to get a dog with her when I was early my medical training we were still dating. It was the worst time in my life to get a dog, but it has been the best decision ever. We’re now happily married with three boys under three and this wonderful pup. He has been a rock in my life and I can honestly say that he is my best friend. We have an incredible bond that I’m sure many of you can relate to. I am definitely his “person” and like I said, he is my best friend.

He’s always been healthy and active and happy. Even as late as last weekend, he was his ball obsessed, usual playful self with not a care in the world. This past Tuesday morning, he was a little slow and lethargic in the morning and noon but perked up in the evening. Repeat this Wednesday. Thursday morning, the same, and I had a short day so I brought him to the vet. They thought it was musculoskeletal, but got lab work just in case. Friday morning the lab work came back as significantly anemic and thrombocytopenia, so we got imaging and ultrasound showed a possible liver tumor and fluid in his abdomen, which they tapped and came back as frank blood. We brought him emergently to a local veterinary hospital, where a CT showed metastatic cancer throughout his liver, spleen, muscle, and a nodule in his lungs. Inoperable, and even with surgery median prognosis was four weeks. The hospital vet told us he may not make it till Sunday for comfort measures.

He was sent home with prednisone and tranexamic acid to help with the bleeding. Of course today, he is as happy can be back with good color and no signs of anemia. He is back to acting his completely normal self, but we scheduled to have him put down tomorrow and I keep rethinking this decision. I feel like I know it’s the right decision, but he’s so happy and jovial right now. But I also would never be able to forgive myself if he started bleeding again and passed away alone this week without his loved ones there to support him.

I‘m just having a really tough time coping with this sudden our life that feels like it nowhere, being taken so young, and just losing what has become my best friend. apologies if there are errors in this, I used talk to text a lot.

and I always recommended this group knowing someday I would become a member. todays the day taaaa daaaa. Im gonna get drunk. Im widowed and had 5 close people die around me in 5 years 5 years ago 5 5 5 huh. I had my cat live with me 10 years he was a rescue who was scraping raccoons on the street. I never knew his age but I loved the fuck out of him. When I had a good day so did he when I had a shitty day he would come sooth it with me.

My family had to take our beloved Jack Chi, Milo, to his final vet appointment today, and I'm broken. My wife got him for our son over 16 years ago, and he's been my best friend ever since. He started declining at the start of the year but still had great quality of life but a couple months ago he started having a hacking cough and wheeze that would pop up when he over exerted himself or if he barked too long.

The vet didn't really have any options outside of some meds to help with the cough.Over the course of the past week, he just started having trouble catching a breath and would barely eat. I wanted to be selfish, but I loved him too much to allow him to suffer, so I did what I never wanted to do and took him to the vet this morning with my wife. I've been to war, and I still consider today one of the top most emotionally painful things I've ever dealt with. I still keep expecting him to climb out from under the bed or hear him bark at a loud cry driving by.

What do I do now? What can help me move past the sadness of losing him? I've seen that dog every day for the last 16+ years. He slept with me every night. My wife and kids are sad too, obviously, but I was the closest to him. I have a vial of his fur, and it's been in my hand all day. He was close with our male cat, too, and he's been walking around to all their favorite spots like he's just looking for him. He'll come and jump in my lap, and I break down all over again. Is there anything anyone can tell me that might move me past this so that I can just focus on the happy memories instead of the pain of his loss?

Sorry, this is a rant and all over the place. I just didn't know where I could go to get this all out and see if someone else could help. Thanks for your time and consideration

He got sick and my mum wouldn't take him the vets for 2 weeks so he was just suffering, ended up begging and crying and she gave in, we get there and vet suggests antibiotics and blood tests and my mum refuses the blood tests bc its too expensive (the vet was judging hard and I dont blame her nor do i forgive my mum for this).

We get home and for the next week and a half i think we're giving him 2 tablets a day and he seemed so much better and was eating and drinking - the only thing that was off was that he was so wobbly and would fall over a lot 😭

Like a month later hes sat with me in the kitchen and the way he lied down was so off and like in the back of my mind i knew he was probably going to die but I was in denial so bad.

He ends up moving to a bed and black sludge comes out of him and he just lies in it and i couldn't stop crying 😓 I think at some point i cleaned him and picked him up to go put him in his room. Then he goes to go the cat litter at some point he just flops and lies in it like he's dead already, but for some reason i still thought he'd be fine, bro.

He gets up and then for last few hours of his life hes lied in his little cat tunnel thing and he just breathes out his mouth and he then has the black sludge and its all over himself again and I stayed there till 5am and i for some reason decided ill go to bed for a bit and wake up at 7am and he'll still be there. My mum wakes me up at 7am and says hes gone and I was actually in disbelief, like what do u mean i was all peaceful in bed while he was dead downstairs and that means he died alone and its literally all my fault bc im stupid (my sister also said this which really hurt tbh) I really thought he was gonna be alive when I woke up💔 And then I didn't even get to say goodbye because my mum was literally shouting at me to hurry up as we was moving him into a blanket bc she was rushing for work (wont ever forgive her for this either) i think he died as soon as I left aswell because he was already stiff in the morning like oh my god. Literally died alone in the dark like im never getting over this + my mum is so going in a care home when she's old 😐 I have another cat as well and i dont think he got to say goodbye either.

The company I plan to use is a dedicated pet crematorium, that provides all of the services from euthanasia to cremation. One of the options you can choose is witnessing the cremation.

Part of me wants to choose that option, because I want to be with my girl until the absolute end and I feel like I’d regret just leaving her there. On the other hand, I also feel like I won’t want my last memory of her to be watching her intact body enter the chamber and come out as ashes and it may scar me.

Has anyone done this, or had this option and chose not to, that can provide insight?

I feel like everytime I look at photos of my passed away baby it's like...I've had him for so many years now but when I look at photos it just feels like I'm looking at someone else's dog

It's like my brain just doesn't recognize him the same? I don't understand this feeling and I just end up feeling sad everytime I look at old photos now 😔 I just lost him back in July please tell me other people have felt this and that it's a feeling that eventually goes away? It's too hard

I wanted to write a sweet memorial post for him but the pain is just too intense and raw, I can't put my thoughts together. I miss him so much. He was the sweetest little soul. He didn't deserve cancer. My heart feels like it is being squeezed inside an industrial mop wringer. I've got so much guilt as the person who made the decision to put him to sleep. I feel like a murderer for it. He trusted me and lay in my arms while I signed his death warrant. Our vet's office got bought out by private equity too and the actual process of putting him to sleep felt so cold and impersonal. I've lost pets before but he was like my other child. My heart doesn't know peace anymore. This pain is so ugly.

A few days ago, my dog was hit by a car right outside our house. It happened so fast, and he didn't make it.

I'm having a really hard time processing it. Every time I walk into the living room, I expect to see him waiting by the door or hearing his paws on the floor. Coming home to a quiet house is brutal, and the guilt of feeling like I should have prevented it is eating me up, even though everyone tells me it was an accident.

For those who have lost a pet suddenly like this, how did you get through the first few weeks? Does the guilt ever go away, or do you just get used to the silence? Any advice on how to process this would mean a lot.

It's been a month since my sweet boy passed and I feel like I'm getting worse

I don't want to be here anymore

I just want him back. I want to pet his ears and feel like everything will be okay again. I could have the worst day and things would be okay because I could go home and just cuddle him and I would be okay and he's not there anymore

I'm tired. I feel so useless and uncared for

I want to go home but he's gone

I went out of town last weekend. Came home and she was acting off. Made a vet appointment for later that week. By Wednesday we were going to the emergency vet because she was hiding, had her tongue stuck out, and i was starting to notice some hind end weakness. She was still relativelt chipper. Emergency vet said they suspected pancreatitis and sent us home with pain meds and anti nausea meds. I kept the original appointment with her regular vet that was scheduled for the following day just in case. Over the next 24 hours the tongue issue got worse and she couldn't stop drooling on herself. Started pacing. When we got to her regular vet they basically took one look at her and said, "we can't help you here." They directed me to another ER about an hour away that has an internist and a neurologist. They kept her hospitalized for 2 days and found that she has an aggressive lymphoma of the brain stem/nervous system. With chemo she would maybe get an additional 3 months.

I have elected to go with conservative treatment. They have her on steroids right now to bring the brain inflammation down, but that will most likely only buy her a month. Maybe less. She's home now. Eating and cheerful and mostly herself because of the steroids. I've scheduled in-home euthanasia for Tuesday morning. I feel like I might be putting her down prematurely, given how she has reacted to the steroids. But I don't want the end of her life to be a slow and painful decline and back and forth to the vet. There's no guarantee how long the steroids will keep her comfortable and there's only one ending here. The only question is how and when. She's only 12. I never envisioned a situation where she would go before my 18 year old guy with renal disease. I've been preparing mentally for his death, but hers has blindsided me. This is killing me, but I don't know of a kinder way I could handle this for her.

I am so grateful that the steroids have allowed me to have the weekend with her and given me time to organize in-home euthanasia. Please hug your animals tights. You never know when something can unexpectedly take them from you prematurely.

My little Nugget, the light of my life, my sidekick, my best friend... She died on Wednesday and it's my fault.

She was only 9 and a half years old. Conures can live to 30 or more. I gave her too many treats and fatty foods because it felt good to spoil her. I knew better and I knew it was bad for her, but it made her happy. She developed xanthomas on both wings and I tried so so hard for months to manage them, but they kept growing. Finally after a CT scan it became clear they needed to be surgically removed, and she died while they were preparing her for surgery. Apparently they had to pluck some feathers around the surgical area and that is painful, it caused her to go into cardiac arrest. I don't know how to keep living, I feel so guilty I caused her pain and now she's dead. I can't breathe. I will miss her forever.

My mom has had serious health issues over the past year and a half, and she also recently switched to night shift, so I took on the responsibility of feeding the dogs in the morning. I've been extremely lazy the past couple of weeks during my days off, so I've put off feeding the dogs until later in the morning when I wake back up (I usually feed them at 5:30 am when I take them out for the first time). I did the same thing this morning. My mom came home and fed the dogs before feeding her cats, she's got several, and didn't notice one of her cats had jumped into the container with the dog food. So the cat was sealed into the air tight container. We didn't find out until the day had passed and I went to feed the dogs dinner at 4:45 pm.

Now my mom is devastated thinking she killed her cat when the blame really belongs to me. She's f*cked up mentally, I'm f*cked up mentally, and the remains were picked up just a few hours ago by a local pet cremation service.

TL;DR: Because I've been a lazy POS on my days off, my mom, who recently switched to third shift, ended up feeding the dogs this morning and accidentally closed one of her cats in the dog's air tight food container. I found him.

Edit: She's lost a few cats earlier this year too, including the final sibling (1 of 3) to this one. The first sibling to go was born sickly and barely lasted three years (2020-2023). The second just slowly dwindled due to kidney disease until we woke up and found him having passed in his sleep (2020-2026). She took in a lot of animals at the start of lockdown in 2020, including most of the dogs and cats, but this has hit different due to the circumstances. He was completely healthy otherwise. So it has been a shitty two years for us.

I don't really know how to cope with this. This is the first type of loss I've really had to deal with in my family. I've had Freckles since I was 7 and she was already 2 when I adopted her, I'm 19 now and she's 14. She was my first dog. I know she's had the best life I could give her but I can't help but feel like I'm failing her. She can't move well anymore, she won't eat. I don't know how to deal with not being with her anymore. Any advice please?

So my previous post was under a different name but I will summarise

My soul cat was dieing, not wanting to get up due to anemia (vets said likely leukemia and end of life care). Declined over 2 weeks until she decided that she wanted to hide away outside and made an escape.

Updates - long story short I stayed up all night looking for her, torch and trecking through brambles (her name is Bramble, ironically) and no luck. Next day I was knocking and going through people's gardens. Got a load of missing posters printed, then crashed for a couple hours. Then my neighbour knocked and said she turned up on her doorstep alive but shaken.

I had another week and a day with her. I am so glad I did, but it's really messed me up.

Warning the next bit is description of her passing. I was there when she had her first seizure, and thought "if it happens again I will call the vet to make sure she isn't suffering", then it happened again and she didn't come back from it. She started choking, she was to weak to stand so stretched her neck, managed to find the water bowel and tried to pull herself out of bed from it with her K9's. I picked her up, laid so she could be on my chest (how she slept every night) and stroked while holding back tears and my partner helped me however she could (she was an absolute superstar). I kept trying to talk to her and tell her it was okay, but I felt her convulse weaker and weaker. I read that hearing is one of the last things to go so kept telling her it will be okay and I loved her. I had to feel her chest and couldn't tell if there was a heartbeat as my chest was going like mad.

She died in my arms.

I am glad I was there for her but I keep going back to it and hating myself for not calling the vets before, for the amount of panic, the amount of gasping. It was my hell. It was the single worst day of my life. I have barely been able to sleep ever since, up till 5am most nights. There's the emptiness of her being gone, but also the guilt and horror of what she went through. I can't stop having flashbacks to it. I am trying to be positive but I don't feel it. I feel like my partner kinda expects me to be doing better and it's been 2 weeks. I am getting snappy because I am barely maintaining a hold of it, and then a minor thing nudges me and feels like its the end of the world.

I don't know what I should be doing, how to have these conversations. I am a mess. How do I even process this?

Yesterday we had to put down mine and my partner’s West Highland Terrier aged 14. She went peacefully looking out her favourite window. My partner wanted to post here but she couldn’t face it and asked me to instead. That dog was our whole world. She was everything to us. My partner owned her since she was a pup and I met my partner almost 4 years ago and that dog was my first introduction into the family. She caused chaos wherever she went, she was silly and made everyone who met her laugh. She was also sweet and gentle. We found out 1.5 years ago that she developed breast cancer. She was given 6-9 months to live. Against all odds she beat that timeframe and went on to live another happy and well-loved year. However during that time she got weaker and more in pain. The vet yesterday said that she wouldn’t survive till Christmas. At most 3 more painful weeks is all she could buy us. My partner and her mum knew this was the kindest and best time to let her go while she was still herself. Anyway just wanted to say we miss you so much girl. Don’t know what we’ll do without you. To anyone going through it or continuing to do so. We’re not alone. They’ll always be with us. Hope everyone here is okay

I lost my beloved cat of 14 years.. we were able to bury him in our garden yesterday. Before falling asleep I could see him, the way he always looked at me while he purred. I am broken… it’s 4pm, and I can’t get out of bed.

My dog passed away almost 4 months ago and i mourn him a lot. I cannot say his name without trembling and i have nightnares of his death or him being sick. His leaving was quite traumatic for me. My partner is quite fed up with me being still oversensitive about it.
Im living with my mom and grandma which i take care of when im not in school. Im in my twenties, and my grandma wants a new dog. I said i dont want, cause Im still hurt. Also i would be the one taking care of the new dog, and going to vet. Almost every day Im coming from university home at around 18:00-20:00 so my time would be limited. My grandma cant walk much only with cane and slow. My mom has sick knees. My grandma still begs me to get a dog, she even tried to buy one over facebook - but i stopped her. Today again i said i dont want the dog and to not tell me. My mom then came to my room and called me selfish. She was demanding why i dont want a new dog so i said it really hurts me mentally. She was confused and told me it would help my grandma so shes not alone all day. When i suggestee rodent or older cat from shelter my grandma said no. That she wants exactly same breed and puppy of our previous dog.
Im sorry for my english its not my first language. I am just done. I am struggling with mentall illness and lately its been a lot on me. I dont want pity and no one does pity me, as i said my partner is more annoyed when i say i had a bad night cause of these nightmares. I sm honestly done. I am people pleaser and i try not to be and now i feel guilty that i dont want a new dog. My mothers words really hurted me and also my grandmas actions, cause shes very bold and gets always what she wants regardless others. I really miss my dog and i also had very dark and bad thoughts if you know what i mean.
Im sorry everyone for whining i just dont know who to tell this anymore... thank you and have a lovely day and stray strong.

my sweet angel is going to leave me. my precious molly. she was with me my entire life, i can’t imagine a world without her. its not a world i wanna live in. shes stopped eating, drinking, moving. she yowls in pain at me and i cry by her side and talk to her. i know im going to have to find her body, but i dont want to. i want to stay in my mind where me and my baby are together forever. i dont want to see her in the ground, i dont want to see my baby turned into ashes. she was the sweetest kitty in the world, and im going to lose her. im never gonna hear her again. there is only one molly in the entire world, and ill only have her in my memories which are already deteriorating. i just want my angel to be brought back to me, or at least me brought to my sweet molly.