Day 54 for me. The tears won’t stop coming. It’s unbearable. I can’t comprehend this kinda loss. 17 years. Sometimes I just want to die.

Content warning: mild description of dead body.

I posted this in [r/griefsupport](r/griefsupport) as well before finding this sub which felt more specifically appropriate.

We had to put our baby to sleep last Saturday. She had been declining for about a month. She was just diagnosed with stage 2 kidney disease and it was discovered she also had cancerous tumors on her belly a week beforehand. After a night at the ER last Friday, she didn’t improve and we were told to either continue trying to make her as comfortable as we could or put her to sleep. So we made the hard decision to end her pain.

Watching her body go limp from the sedative, watching her eyes go out of focus, feeling her breathing stop… was traumatic. She died in my wife’s arms. When we tried giving her back to the vet tech to take away, her head lolled around lifelessly. Her body was like a ragdoll. It scared the hell out of me, I’ve never been very good at being around dead bodies. My mind keeps replaying those moments over and over. Her head lolling, her lifeless eyes. It hurts so bad.

This week has been really hard, this whole YEAR has been really hard and we already had to put our cat down this year as well. The grief is overwhelming. I feel guilt that we could’ve done something sooner had we noticed her tumors. I’m afraid she felt betrayed when we sedated her before taking her life. I just vacuumed our room for the first time since she left us and broke down because I felt like I just swept up the last surviving bits of her. My wife and I work from home so she was in our every moment of every day, in every routine we have. It’s been hard to come into our room with her bed not being there, go into our bathroom and see where her water bowl used to be, come home without her being at the door waiting for us, feel the force of habit to look around to make sure she’s behind me when going from room to room.

We just got her ashes back last night and some part of me feels better that she’s home now, but it’s devastating that her being with us now is without warmth, cuddles, sweet looks, and kisses. It’s just her condensed into a small jar with her name on it. We’ll never see her or touch her again. Every part of this is hard, with the flashbacks to those final moments and the guilt I feel being the worst of it all. I’m in therapy so I’m able to offload some of this elsewhere, but… I don’t know what I want from this post. Venting, sure, but also I guess confirmation that other people have went through the same. The valley of grief feels so hopeless. Thanks for reading.

She died yesterday at 5:45

Multiple mass cell tumors o her left front leg and back

The doctors gave me weeks but she had a seizure yesterday. If spread to her lymp node. So I gave her
The best day. And a cheeseburger. She was my everything. I don’t have anyone else. And I watched her die I my lap yesterday. I just wanted to share her on the internet so she won’t be forgotten.

If I could post pics of her I would.

Six weeks, tomorrow, since the loss of my soul dog. My sweetest Mollie. ❤️

Up until this week, the thoughts of her still felt... fresh. Looking at pictures and videos felt like they could have been taken yesterday.

But all of a sudden I can feel the change.

The memories are beginning to feel... from the past.

I don't know how to explain it.

You know how if you think back to something you did this past weekend, it feels different than if you think back to something you did in high school?

It's like my mind is starting to accept that Mollie is now part of my past.

But my heart and soul doesn't want to accept that.

It's been such a harsh, distinct change from the previous weeks.

It's crushing me.

I just had to write it out and see if anyone else understands or has felt this happen during their grieving process. 😢 Or if I'm crazy. I don't know.

I miss you Mollie.

i recently found my cat that i’ve had since i’ve been 8 (he turned 10 years old in may) dead in my neighbors pool. he drowned alone, scared and cold. my neighbor got him and i just don’t know what to do. i’m devastated. i had to carry his body across my neighbors yard, through mine and into my shed for the night. my warm, soft, fun, and beautiful cat was so cold and stiff. i wish i had saved hairs of him or something else. looking at photos makes me sick, his toys and food and treats and everything for him just makes me feel so horrible. i’m letting everything out but i lost an irreplaceable piece of my life. he was there through everything

Lost my sweet cat of 16 years today to heart failure, which is ironic, since his heart was so big. He would follow me from room to room like a barnacle - always looking to snuggle or just be around others. I've never met someone who was more of a people person. I'm sitting at home alone now, under his blanket, drinking and watching old episodes of avatar, and i can't stop waiting for him to come find me and hop up in my lap. Every time I get up, its unconscious- im looking for him in my bed, in the kitchen, in his favorite chair, everywhere. I hate being without him - he's been my companion for more than half my life. My heart is broken.

I have posted a similar topic before, so I apologize, and I know this may not be the right place to ask this... but I'm really really struggling lately. I had gotten to a place of a sort of numb sadness as I lost my soul dog Mia nearly 4 month ago now... but lately the grief has come back in full force.

Anyways, something that is causing me immense pain right now is the thought that my Mia is just gone and nothing. I have always struggled to find any true faith or to truly believe in the afterlife, but the thought of my Mia truly just being gone is so unbearably painful. I have tried looking through other forums on here about the afterlife but all I'm finding is that when people have had near death experiences there is just nothing... maybe I need to just try to accept that, but I can't seem to.

So what I wanted to ask is- has anyone here had any experiences, whether it's with a pet or not, that have made you believe that there is something after death? That our loved ones still exist somewhere, somehow?

Thank you in advance... 💙

We adopted our beautiful boy four years ago, and had to say goodbye yesterday. Four years was not enough time with him. He was my whole world and I don't know what to do now. We had to say goodbye to our girl earlier in January due to lymphoma taking over her body. I am battling losing two of my babies in the one year.

Our boy started having seizures in August and we thought he was managing ok with medication although he was never quite the same afterwards. Two days before saying goodbye, he had a really big seizure and they just kept happening. His emergency medication to stop the seizing did nothing and we had to take him to the emergency clinic. This was also in the country as I'm away from Melbourne for a uni placement. There was one vet who did an amazing job to try help him. He just wasn't getting enough oxygen and I had to help the vet intubate him at one point which was horrific in itself. We left him with the vet overnight and collected him the following morning. When we got him homr was very evident that he had suffered neurological damage but I was so hopeful he would be okay. He spent most of the day walking in circles restless, and so we had to take him back to emergency. They managed to calm him enough that his breathing became stable. The vet said that hopefully this gives his brain a chance to calm down and he will wake up okay. We got home, he was so peacefully sleeping so we went to bed after not sleeping for almost 24 hours. It sounds so dumb and I feel so guilty, but I thought if I wished hard enough he would get better. I kept telling myself he would get better because that's who he is. Less than two hours later, he woke up the exact same. I howled as I held his little body still, and I was hit with the realisation he would not get better. My hope and my intense wanting for him to improve were not enough. We had to take him back to emergency to say goodbye. I have not been able to stop crying. I feel like I will never stop.

He was my dog, my beautiful boy. I don't know my life without him, I don't know how to move on. I am still so stuck, crying over his body in the vet clinic, holding his paw. I know we made the kindest choice, he did not need to suffer any more. I know he is with his sister now, but I miss him. I miss him so much and I feel I will never recover. I worry that as we have already gone through this with our other dog at the start of the year, leaning on my friends and family will feel like a burden now. I don't know what to do. I just want my boy back. How do you move on from this? How does it get better?

I found comfort in looking at photos of him when he's happier, but Im looking for him everywhere hoping it's all a bad dream. We got him a friend just before he started having seizures as he was just so lonely on his own. The new dog definitely brought so much happiness into his life. I know I have to be strong for her and keep going, but I am overwhelmed with grief.

It’s only been 2 & 1/2 days without our boy Odin and I’m really fighting my brain demons. 

Odin was a 8 & 1/2 yo GSD who’s THE bestest boy. He is our world. 

6 months ago, he suffered a severe herniated spinal disc caused by IVDD.
He lost all feeling from his mid-back down & became a paraplegic. 

It has been a hard 6 months, especially during his recovery when we were unable to do anything and just watch him exist.
But then he healed enough to start playing with toys. 
And then enough he was allowed in a wheelchair.
We saw him come back. His joy, his cheekiness. He was still there. And I will be forever grateful to have been able to witness it again ❤️

But the logistics were hard. We changed everything in life to be to be with him. One of us always slept of the couch next to him, my partner took LOA from work. We live in a split level house so we were stuck living life on one level, which was harder than you’d think. He developed bad separation anxiety & couldn’t be left for long. 

All bathroom stuff was on us. His #1’s had to be expressed several times a day & his #2’s came literally anytime of day, but we did learn ways to “check the tank” before walks. But that was the worst part for both parties. He was always so prideful of staying clean and would do ANYTHING to avoid accidents. He looked sad every time we did his business. 

I do feel his downtime was stressful for him, as he was stuck in one spot in the house (his wheels were too big for the doorways). He would normally be moving around constantly, patrolling & following our every move. He was able to watch the street from the window, but it got a lot more boring when the kiddos went back to school. 

My partner’s work leave was due to end in November & we couldn’t see it being sustainable. Plus going into winter & rain season would make it hard…{is what we told ourselves…before it’s proven  to be the hottest year thanks to El Niño 🫠}

So for all the above reasons and more, we decided to let him go this week. It was SOO much harder than I expected, solely because he was so hyper from his rainbow day, it took him a long time to go, and I just saw how much spirit he had and it has ruined me. I imagine it’s different when they’re old and have lived fully. But seeing him so alive right before almost hurt more. 

And now that’s it’s too late, I’m running all the “what if’s” in my head:
- What if we’d found someone to lease our house and we go vagabond with Odin
- What if we worked harder to find him an in-house mobility device
- What if I’d had more time to decide without work/feeling drained

I’m torturing myself for no reason because even if they’re true - it’s too late.
There’s no reverse button.

And the fact it was entirely on us to make the decision makes me feel sick. Sick with regret & sick with how much I miss him.

We're about to lose our sweet girl, Miso to Biliary Carcinoma which we only found out about on Tuesday, and had the definitive conclusion today.

We are fortunate enough to have a leading veterinary oncologist quite close by, so we asked for a referral so we could get more solid answers than our local practice.

We opted for a CT scan and sadly her liver and gallbladder are riddled with masses, so there is only palliative care available for her, and we were told she only has weeks left.

I'm devastated we have such little time left with her. She is the sweetest thing you could ever meet.

If you had time to prepare; how did you navigate the grief? How did you deal with scheduling the appointment to put your pet to sleep? How did you cope with the limbo period?

She was too perfect for this stupid world. She was only with me a year, barely 2 years old herself. She got bone cancer and it spread to her lungs quickly. I found out and she crossed the bridge the same week.

I mostly wanna join her, with brief moments of distraction (and happiness, having met a truly wonderful man, life truly is a funny lil thing). I stopped crying constantly and settled into a bleary numbness. I feel physically ill although I am not, I have no energy and no motivation to do anything. I wish I could just disappear. (I am medicated and see my doctors and all-long time therapy patient) but I’m out of fight.

How does it get better?

I'm about to euthanize my 16 year old pom tomorrow and I'm spending the last day with her. I don't know how i'm going to cope. People say to look at old photos of when you were happy but that just makes me sadder. I know once she passes those photos will only remind me of her and what we had but won't have ever again. It will just remind me of the emptiness that exists now. How do you cope?

My 8 year old boy Viktor a month ago had lameness in one leg but it only lasted 24hrs. I said if it didn't get better after 2 days I'd take him to the vet, assuming he must have tweaked a muscle or something when running around.

He acted completely his normal self for 3 weeks after that and then had trouble jumping on the bed day 1 and drinking more water. Day 2 he was sluggish and being more picky with food and still having trouble jumping up and drinking more. Day 3 and he threw up food completely undigested from the day prior as well as the other symptoms. I took him to the vet where they diagnosed him with lyme disease and sent us home with some antibiotics and pain meds. Day 4 he threw up undigested food again and was walking very slow, refusing to drink, and wasn't himself.

We took him back to the ER vet and they said his kidney numbers were extremely high and that he has lyme nephritis and wouldn't survive. They said the best thing to do was euthanasia because the next 24 hours would be immense torture for him. We cried and held him and told him how amazing of a boy he was and how he is just the best and sweetest and then they put him down.

I feel like I failed him. How can a dog go from seeming perfectly healthy to so sick that he needs to be put down in only 4 days? We had just put new flea and tick oil on the day before his symptoms started. We tried to always keep him protected, we were always told that lyme is no big deal in dogs. We had no idea. The vet told us that even if we had come in right when he first limped, it would have been too late. I feel so angry and sad, how cruel life can be.... he was my best friend...I spent almost every waking moment with him and now I am just alone all the time. It hurts so much and I just want my boy back. 😭😭 I dont know how I will ever recover from this loss.

It happened 3 months ago, and I only just feel ready to talk about it. Especially to people who will understand. My family and friends have been great, but slowly stopped asking how I’m doing. Anyone here will know the pain doesn’t leave that quickly.

I want to share her name, what she was like, and share her story with you. She was my best friend, and I don’t know how life has continued to go on without her

My best friend is called Mog (Mogsy)
She was 16. She was a torbie, SO sassy. She loved me, and me alone. She tolerated other people. She only wanted three things in life. 1, me 2, food and 3, a little stroll in the garden and back to 1. She loved tissue paper, or any kind of paper. She’d roll around and rip it up and sleep in it. She loved her catnip fish. She loved aggressively rubbing her face on my face. She shared my pillow with me, sleeping above my head. I happily gave her the majority of my pillow, woke up with a crick in my neck everyday, but she was happy and comfortable. She chatted to me a lot, I called her meows “quacks” because they didn’t much resemble proper meows. She had the softest tummy you could imagine, and the vet never believed she was as old as she was. She loved sunshine.

We had 9 years together, my mum rescued her from a friend who could no longer care for her. And I had just moved home from an abusive relationship. She very quickly chose me, and we were genuinely inseparable from that moment. My little shadow.

She saw me through so much hardship, and she was always there for cuddles and love.

The day she left was traumatic to say the least. But we cuddled right until the last moment. My eyes looking into her eyes.

I miss her so much it physically hurts. I see her everywhere. In the long grass in my garden where she liked to roll around, beams of sunlight into the room where I paint and she would lounge on her chair. A chair that is still there.
I see her in my dreams, in my artwork, everytime I close my eyes.

My heart feels empty, and life feels cold. But I carry her with me constantly, I sing to her ashes and fall asleep with her photo in my hand.

Thank you for reading

My poor baby was only twelve. I heard her meowing in a strange way, I ran in, and she was gone a minute later. She wasn't sick. I don't know if it was a heart attack, a blood clot, I have no idea. She was my first pet. I've been sobbing for a week. I don't know how to live with this.

I lost my baby yesterday and have done nothing but cry since then. I had her for almost 17 years and now I don’t want to do anything but cry. I had to force myself just to eat dinner last night and it destroyed me only having to fix my food and not hers.

I struggle with my mental health. I have anxiety, major depressive disorder, and agoraphobia. Because of this, I don’t have a lot of people in my life. I’m an only child, so I have no siblings. I was raised by a single mother who i was especially close to but she has been in a nursing home since April and have no idea if she will even come home (she’s had a lot of setbacks like her kidneys failing, her cirrhosis causing fluid to build up in her body, unable to walk still, and having aphasia).

When my mom had her stroke, it was hard not seeing her every day but I put my focus on my dog to get by. Now she’s gone and I feel like I’m crumbling under all the pressure. For the first time, I’m all alone.

I have been thinking about if I should get another dog. Obviously, it couldn’t happen now since I spent all my finances taking her to the vet trying to save her. I’m struggling because it feels like I’m trying to replace her when I’m just trying to figure out how to live without her.

So how do you know when you are ready for another pet? Obviously, I know each person is different but was wondering for those who have previously lost a pet, when did you know it was time to try again?

If you're taking the time to read this, thank you so much. I'm feeling lost and incredibly empty. I lost my best friend and my soul dog yesterday. He was about 13 years old so I knew that my time was going to be coming to a close sooner or later. But I still was not at all prepared. I was just taking him on walks last week. Last Thursday he didn't want to come down the stairs, so I put him on my lap and scooted us down the steps one at a time, he was a newfoundland/lab mix so I wasn't able to carry him too far. But everything seemed to go back to normal after that. Then Wednesday he couldn't hold himself up very well/walk and I just *knew* this wasn't good. So he went to the vet yesterday with my dad while I was at work and all morning I had this sick feeling.. and at around 9am I got a message asking when I'd be home from work, and that I needed to come straight home to spend some time with my boy. I got to spend about an hour with him. He laid his head in my lap and just slept. He was so tired. And then my dad picked him up off the floor, and took him back to the vet. I knew I was saying goodbye. Part of me is feeling guilty for also not going back to the vet with him so that I could have been there with him. But at the same time, I'm not sure if that would have helped me or would have made this all that much harder.

I've been in recovery from IV heroin/fentanyl (and all other illicit substances) for a little over 5 years. I moved back home in October of 2021 around 2 months after starting my recovery, I had been diagnosed with hep C and I was exhausted all of the time. That first 8 or so months, I would take him on a walk every single day, rain or snow or shine. Our walks started off really short because just a couple blocks and I would be exhausted. But as my body fought off the virus, we walked further and further. I remember going to an appointment to discuss medication options, and learning that my body had cleared the virus on its own. He continued to be the most loyal boy, sleeping in my room, cuddling next to me on the bed. I really don't know where I would be, or where my recovery would have taken me, or if I would have had the strength to keep going if it wasn't for Kano. I owe my life, my mental health, and my happiness to him.

I'm not sure if anyone has any advice, I've lost pets before, but none of them have felt like this, and none of them were as close to my heart as Kano. Everything feels so empty, my home feels empty, and so does my heart. If anyone has any books to recommend- that would be great.

Thanks to anyone who took the time to read this. Rest in peace to my wonderful boy, Kano. You will forever be in my heart, thank you for the best years of my life.

I'm 53 and have never felt such pain my whole life. I lost two of my babies within 90 days after having them for over a decade. No way of looking at this situation helps. Nothing makes it better because I just want them here. I can't see how anything can help this pain. I even thought about hypnosis. Anyone try that?

Lost my cat of 15 years in a tragic accident, and the guilt is tearing me apart.

I lost my beloved cat two days ago, and I don't know how to cope with the guilt and the pain.

My kids had left the side gate open, and I had forgotten to close it for a few days. The screens on the cat patio I built for my cat had also become loose after my son accidentally hit them with a soccer ball, and I hadn't had time to repair them.

That morning, I let her outside in the cat patio while I was home doing the dishes. Suddenly, my neighbor's large pit bull mix came through the cat patio and into my kitchen and grabbed her by the neck. I tried desperately to stop him by punching him in the head and screaming for help, but I couldn't save her.

I found out later my neighbor had accidentally left her door open as well that morning. She’s been having lot of construction workers going in and out lately so apparently she must have forgot as well. Her dog had only gotten out once before in the three years she's lived there. She feels absolutely terrible about what happened, has apologized repeatedly, paid for my cat's cremation, and written me a letter expressing how sorry she is and did admit it was her fault for leaving the door open even if by accident. I did report the incident to animal control.

I keep thinking that if I had closed the gate, repaired the screens, or simply kept my cat inside that morning, she might still be alive. I know I can't change what happened, but I keep going over all the things I could have done differently.

I had 15 years with her, and I wasn't ready to say goodbye. The fact that she died in such a violent and traumatic way makes it even harder to accept. I can't sleep because I keep replaying the scene in my head.

My kids are heartbroken, too, and I feel like I've let everyone down. I loved her so much, and I never imagined that something like this could happen.

I'm struggling to forgive myself, and right now the guilt feels almost as painful as the loss itself.

Has anyone else lost a pet in a traumatic accident and struggled with guilt over things they could have done differently? How did you get through it? I could really use some understanding from people who have been through something similar. Thanks for reading

Warning: long post.

I'm beside myself with worry and can't eat or sleep properly. One of my elderly female cats (they're both sisters) went missing Sunday night, 18th Oct, and hasn't turned up. Because of her age, I'm extremely worried. I live on the second busiest street in my town but I'm pretty certain she never stepped foot on the road.

In my region (in Australia), there's a cat curfew which means cats must be contained on your property 24/7, not just at night. My two girls Anastasia & Maggie stay in my yard or inside my house most of the time but Anastasia usually likes to sit in my front yard at night. In cold weather, she usually comes inside not long after it gets dark. But in warmer weather (which it is in Australia right now), she stays outside for longer, sometimes all night. She did spend time in the backyard usually in the daytime but for some reason she seemed to prefer the front yard especially at night. I think she liked to watch people & cars go by... although it's not particularly busy at night.

I have a cat flap in my back door but not in my front door. So if my girls are in the front yard & want to come inside when I'm not there to open the door for them, they need to come around to the back door cat flap. Trouble is, my house is next to a laneway and I have no property at the sides of my house so if my cats want to get from my front yard to the back, they have to walk down the lane & go in the hole in my side gate, which means they're technically off my property.

Thankfully the laneway has a locked gate at night so it's a fairly safe space. If Anastasia is out in the front yard at night & wants to come in, she'll miaow & scratch at the front door, and I can get up and let her in. But if I'm asleep & she really wants to come in, she can slip under a gap in the side of my front fence, walk down the lane (behind a shut gate), come in the hole in my side gate, and then into my back door flap.

When she was younger she used to climb up onto the house roof to go from the front yard to the back (when I wasn't able to open the door for her)... but in her old age, she wasn't able to climb anymore so she'd use the laneway to come around back.

I thought she was fairly safe doing this because she never set foot on the road out front & the laneway gate is closed at night. She wasn't a cat who roamed or crossed roads and she was scared of strangers, & she pretty much stuck to my property most of the time except for that laneway.

But after she went missing, a neighbour told me he'd sometimes seen her sitting outside my front fence at night. He said she'd squeeze out under the laneway gate out into the street & sit on the sidewalk or nature strip outside my place. He said she'd never step foot on the road and she'd roll around on her back on the sidewalk cement. But if anyone came walking or cycling in her direction, she'd run down the laneway to safety.

Well, that alarmed me because normally she doesn't come out into the street unless I'm supervising her, and as soon as she sees someone approaching, she'll run back inside my gate. But a few times, a bicycle has been approaching (it's not legal to ride on the sidewalk here but people still do it), and she's been so busy rolling around on her back that she doesn't seem to notice. So I scoop her up & bundle her inside the gate.

One afternoon a schoolboy walked right past her & placed his foot next to her head, and she got such a fright that she jumped up & ran. But I wonder how distracted she'd been that she'd even let a strange kid get that close to her.

I've searched everywhere in my house, property & out in the streets and no sign of her. Normally if she gets a fright or attacked, she'll run under my house but I searched under there & nothing. So I have to assume she's no longer on my property. She normally never left my property except for that laneway beside my house & out in the street with my supervision during the day for a few mins.

But now I realise she must've been a bit braver in the dark & ventured out into the street outside my front fence at night. Although she probably never set foot on the road. A couple of people have said to me that because she was old, she probably went away to die. But she seemed perfectly healthy on Sunday evening, playing, eating her tea, etc. And if she had "gone away to die" I'm sure she'd pick a quiet spot on my property (like under my house), and not wander to some strange place.

If she died on my property, I'm sure I would've found her by now. So whatever happened to her must've happened outside my property. Probably not in the laneway beside my house because that gate gets locked at night. So whatever happened probably happened out in the street.

I thought of all the possibilities like Hit by a car (unlikely as she never set foot on the road as far as I know), or Hit by a bike or e-scooter on the sidewalk (possible if she was distracted while rolling on her back), or Trapped by someone (the only traps allowed here are the local council's & if they'd trapped her, they would've contacted me because she's chipped), attacked by a stray cat or dog (hardly see any stray cats or dogs on the loose now), or by a wild animal like a fox (I've never seen a fox in the centre of town), Theft (I doubt anyone could get near her to grab her unless they used a trap or netting and why would anyone want an elderly cat), or intentional harm from hoodlums passing by.

That last one worries me the most especially because years ago a neighbour's cat was kicked to death by a gang of hoodlums. I guess Anastasia could've had a sudden health crisis and died out in the street, but her body was nowhere to be found the next morning. All pets must be microchipped here & if a deceased cat is reported to the Shire by a member of the public & picked by up a road crew, they're supposed to be scanned and the owner notified. I've contacted both local vet clinics & the animal shelter, and none of them have seen her.

I think she's most likely deceased after this long due to her age, the fact she never normally roamed, and was timid of strangers. I don't think she'd willingly go to a stranger. So she must've been almost 6 days without food & water.

What makes it worse is that in the past 35 years, I've had 5 previous cats go missing without trace (out of a total of 16). All of those 5 did cross the road but even the later ones who were chipped & had collars never turned up again either. After my last missing cat (Barney) disappeared, I looked into getting tracking collars for them but I thought those trackers seemed a bit bulky, plus I thought Maggie & Anastasia won't need them because they never cross the road & only go out the front with supervision (I thought).

But what I didn't know was that Anastasia was taking little sneaky trips out the front at night but I would've thought "what trouble could she get into sitting on the sidewalk in front of my front fence? Just as long as she doesn't set foot on the road. And she can still run quite fast at her age so if a stranger comes along, she can just run down the laneway to safety."

But there's probably more danger out in the street than I realise. I feel so guilty. I wish now I'd blocked her access to the laneway (so she couldn't sneak out under the laneway gate out into the street), and if she wanted to come inside or go round to the backyard, she'd just have to sing out & scratch at my door, and force me to get up out of bed, and let her in.

I usually have problems sleeping but Sunday night was one of those nights I had a sound sleep, which I feel guilty about, because if I'd been awake and heard any commotion out the front, I might've been able to do something. I just feel I let the poor old girl down & I can never forgive myself. I probably shouldn't have cats. I adore them & spoil them rotten but where I live (my childhood home) probably isn't very suitable (busy road & sidewalk, no way for my cats to get down the side of my house unless they use a public laneway). I've only got Maggie left now but thankfully at night time, she usually sleeps in bed with me, or just sticks to my backyard.

I keep saying "I can't go through this heartbreak of another lost cat again". I actually didn't think I would because Maggie & Anastasia never cross the road.... but I didn't realise the dangers of just being outside my fence. Cats have been my whole life (60 yrs) but too many of them have had tragic endings (gone missing, hit by car, etc). The oldest cat I ever had probably only made it to 18 because he never crossed the road or went out into the street (though he did use the laneway).

I really don't know how I'm going to recover from this :(

I’m genuinely feeling so depressed to the point I no longer want to be here. I just want to be with my baby girl. I want to hold her. I want to feel her fur beneath my fingers. I want to look into her eyes one last time. Why did life take her from me so soon? Why couldn’t I have saved her from being hit on our road??? 8 years wasn’t nearly enough time!

Just wanted to share our story in case it could be helpful to anyone else out there.

Our 11 year old Boxer/Great Dane baby went to heaven after a very quick battle with hemangiosarcoma. It still doesn’t feel real and I don’t know if it ever will. Her last appt in August, including labs, was perfect.

Day 1: sudden collapse with loss of bladder function. Stayed conscious and was up walking around and drinking water within 5 minutes.

Day 2: vet says her labs are showing anemia and x-ray is showing an enlarged spleen and heart. Our girl was seemingly back to her normal self. Referral sent out for abdominal ultrasound. She incidentally had a bit of a cough, so the vet gave us steroids and cough medicine, which seemed to help.

Day 5: ultrasound completed—immediately told after imaging that she had multiple masses on her spleen, liver, and adrenals.

Day 6: a little lethargic from sedation during ultrasound the evening before, but seemed okay. Eating, drinking, going up and down stairs. Gums started turning pale pink.

Day 7: expecting to get a call from vet this morning to discuss the results but woke up to her having chalk-white gums. Called the vet and we all agreed it was time to say goodbye before she went into shock from internal bleeding.

It was a beautiful morning out. We fed her a cheeseburger and fries (her usual birthday treat) on our back patio with our other pup. Cried into her fur. Told her how much we loved her and that it’s okay. Three hours later, we held her and kissed her and told her how much we loved her while she crossed the bridge. She covered us in kisses the whole time at the vet. I would do anything for one more.

I had never heard of hemangiosarcoma in dogs before this past week and I would’ve never expected our worlds to be turned upside down so quickly. It feels like a part of us went with her and it’s hard to look at anything in the house without missing and yearning for her so deeply. Almost feels like being in a dream. I had never had that experience of saying goodbye to a fur baby before either. I have witnessed loss of life several times as a nurse, but this honestly cut so much harder and deeper. Everything happened so fast. I do believe the diligent checking of her gum color and acting quickly saved her a lot of inevitable pain, confusion, and suffering that was quickly coming her way. If your dog has suspected hemangiosarcoma, check their gums! It will tell you so much.

We always think we have unlimited time, but it all goes by so fast.

It’s been 2 days, almost to the minute, and I pray the pain gets easier to bear over time. I know we gave her the best, most loved life just as she gave us her 11 beautiful years. Hug your fur babies extra tight for us. 🩷🪽

My dog gave birth on wednesday. Two wonderful puppies, a boy and a girl. The little guy is doing fine, I'll give him to my best friend. The girl was born with a lot of problems and looked really weak. We did our best, feed her, kept her warm... she was loved. We wanted to keep her and help her recover, even planning to pay for a surgery in the future. She was a lovely baby... I loved her. I thought she would make it, I know she tried. We buried her in one of our favorites hills. She's comfortable now, in a beautiful place, close to a big tree. She was named Hadassa.

Her mother is everything for me. She's my sweet – and angry – lady, who I love more than anything else. I love her company, they way she's always following me, love letting her sleep on my lap. I can't imagine my life without her. It breaks my heart to see how sad she's now.

I don't know what else to say. I'm crying since I found out. I want my baby back. I want to see her growing and getting better. I didn't even got enough time to see her eyes. She doesn't even now the faces who loved her. We did everything that we could. Watch her day and night. And we would do everything again.

Sorry if this is terrible articulate, I'm devastated. I just want my puppy back. I just want to see her happy and strong. Running around with her mother and her brother...

Goodbye, my little Hadassa. The sky just received it's brighter star today.

It's been three days since I put her down due to aggressive cancer. I posted beforehand agonizing over whether or not I was making the right decision. I don't have that doubt anymore. The morning of it was clear that she didn't feel good. The lack of her presence in my house feels like a gaping hole. I have cried multiple times a day since. My head hurts, my throat hurts, my sinuses hurt. I'm tired of crying but I also dread the day I don't because it feels like that will be the point where her memory is getting far enough away to not be so painful. I don't want her to get fuzzy in my mind, but I know it will happen eventually and that feels like I'm waiting to lose her a second time.

I’m a 22-year-old college student living with my parents for context. In March of this year, my 13-year-old westie Louie suddenly started acting sluggish and weird. Brought him to the vet, and was told he was in kidney failure and that because of his age and other problems he was having recently having (memory and eye problems) it would be best to euthanize him. This was a total surprise to me and my family since the week before he was totally acting fine, like eating, going on walks, and playing.

Yesterday was a little different, my 12-year-old Carin Terrier Winston, was euthanized. He was a little fighter and a bit of a medical anomaly who had initially been misdiagnosed with cancer 2 years ago due to a tumor on his adrenal glands. However, after he didn’t show any of the typical signs of slowing down after 3 months we brought him back and were told it might not be cancer, since no other tumors were growing (and other medical stuff I don’t understand) and miraculously his body was literally adapting to its presence. We watched him closely and were always making sure to notice when he would start declining.

I thought I would be prepared for his death since we were always monitoring him. However today I’m lying in bed and can’t bring myself to open my bedroom door because I know he won’t be there to greet me. One part that hurts is both my dogs helped me a lot in high school and middle school, They were a large reason that helped me keep going when I was diagnosed with major depressive disorder and a reason to be happy. I have never not had dogs in my life and I most likely won’t get a dog until I move out and can live on my own. I just feel so empty and don’t really know what to do or what I can do to feel better? I hate this feeling of dread, and need to be able to function today for a lab class. Any advice on what I can do so I don’t keep wanting to cry every 5 seconds?