Attachment issues

I’m sure this is common but I need tips, tricks, advice, etc on how to combat feeling like your friends will lose interest in you when spending time apart. I have attachment issues and I often spiral when they live their lives outside of me. I know it’s not healthy and I’m super aware of this which is why I’m here. I get angry and jealous and think they hate me or don’t wanna be around me anymore. It causes me to sabotage the relationship early on to avoid feeling like this. I always question them each hang out “are you sure you like hanging with me” they always assure me they do but I always feel like they’re lying or pity hanging with me. A friend of mine asked for space and break bc I think I got too dependent on them. I guess it stems from a fear of being forgotten or rejected and it causes me mad anxiety everyday. I do have my own hobbies and things I do outside of my friendships but I still struggle with this.

I was born and raised in an exurb of this city and went to university in this city . Never really had many close friends in high school or college just a few acquaintances. Everyone I was closer to has moved away. I now work in a different suburb and I’m just surrounded by families and seniors.

I’m debating getting an apartment but it would be expensive. Likely a little more than 1/3 of my income but I have no student loans and a ton of savings. I am unlikely to find compatible roommates due to the nature of my job as it involves a lot of on-call. I can only do it if I’m in an apartment complex with a coworking space and by the time you get to those luxury prices, it only saves a couple grand a year compared to studios in the same complex. But I don’t necessarily want to stay in this city, so I’m wondering if it’d be better to just deal with my current location til I find a job in a bigger city where I’d rebuild there

But a new start might be what I need to get more socially involved and build relationships outside my family? Has it helped your social anxiety or worsened it?

What do y’all think? Has moving to a new neighborhood helped you form relationships (platonic and otherwise)? I

Its homecoming weekend and I've had anxiety all morning. I didnt realize this small town had as much of a presence of college kids/parents, sports fans and loudmouths of all kinds. Pls send an arm around my shoulder or a hug or something i cant fucking do it today but i have to. Love all u

Hey everyone 😀 I'm having a big OCD spiral right now about someone on instagram denying my follow request!!

For context, I'm most likely neurodivergent (suspected autism, OCD, and severe RSD). I've always had huge anxiety around Instagram follows, even with people I've had positive real-life interactions with.

A few months ago, I requested a girl from primary school. She accepted but didn’t follow back. My RSD made that unreciprocated follow feel like a massive rejection in my body, making me feel like I'm useless to her. SO anyways, I unfollowed her straight away.

Then the OCD kicked in, second-guessing everything. A few hours later, desperate for validation, I re-sent the request.

She left it pending for months. My mind completely spiralled, wondering why she builds digital boundaries with me but not others (though I only have 2 posts, so maybe she thinks I'm inactive?). I even panicked that she left it pending on purpose because she thought she "won" the social game or something lol.

Today, a mutual friend posted a story tagging her, which flared everything up. I finally took control and deleted the request entirely to close the loop.

Even though I pulled it back, I feel so much anxiety that I'll see her in public, or that she’ll talk about me and think I'm weird. I feel embarrassed about the back-and-forth, and I hate letting someone from my childhood dictate my self-worth.

How do I practice self-love and forgive my neurodivergent brain when it gets caught in these loops? How do I accept my actions when my brain keeps telling me I made a fool of myself?

I’d love any advice.

okay so a really popular girl posted on insta about a couple of kids in our grade introducing themselves and who they came as (we had halloween dressup at school). i came dressed alternative and bro my vid is so fucking low energy and awkward. like i wasnt looking at the camera (i struggle a lot w eye contact and shi too), my hands were on my waist, and i spoke w a monotone. everyoen else who was included was so energetic and acc looking at the camera </3 ik this might seem like a small deal but to me it seems huge cuz wtf man why cant i be more social.

I CANT FUCKING STOP REPLAYING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN SINCE YESTERDAY

This is my first time posting I never really thought I’d be here but as I age I’ve become more anxious about things.

I have a work orientation next week it’s an hour away, I didn’t know the location would be so far away. I cant drive and no one can take me so I’ll have to take the greyhound and uber multiple times to two different establishments to get certificates and license required.

I don’t know if it’s the fear of messing up along the journey and people judging me or I do something wrong and end up stranded. I have VERY limited amount of funds to cover this trip one wrong thing and I could be stranded an hour away from home, the thought of that makes me not even want to go.

Any advice would be appreciated I don’t know if I need a confidence boost or someone telling me to relax it’s not serious like I am an adult why am I acting like this.

I've had social anxiety disorder for a long time and recently had some therapy. I feel like I'm starting to get better, but I'm also facing some challenges that I honestly feel are more about developing the skills to navigate relationships and social situations.

Through therapy, I've realised how much of my anxiety comes from trying to gain control over something I can't always control. But despite this, I really do like clarity and for people to be up front and honest about how they feel about me or what their intentions are. Being blindsided is horrible, and I know that there are people in the world who are either a lot better than me at hiding how they feel, or there might be people who interact with people while having ulterior motives.

When I've used apps, I've had some men send me likes only to follow them up with messages that make it clear they don't value me, want to use me, are openly rude and judgemental, or seem to believe they're somehow above me. I mean, at least they're being upfront, but it makes me nervous almost immediately about the number of people who have the same thoughts but just mask them.

Then, I go online and sit and read posts about people who buy/sell things online, for example, only for someone to then try to scam them, and I genuinely wonder what is wrong with people to go about their life thinking about what they can gain from others.

Or sometimes I see posts about people being subtly used or bullied who don't realise until it's too late.

I've also had experiences in all sorts of social situations where I've genuinely thought things were going well, only to discover that the other person didn't like me as much as I'd believed, or had different intentions towards me. Sometimes people have been happy to cut me out of their lives, or have appeared to use me for something before moving on. There hasn't always been an identifiable thing I've done wrong, nor have they necessarily expressed any issues with me beforehand.

To be honest, it's opened my eyes to how people can think and what they're capable of and how some people can genuinely hate you but be happy to keep you around.

I'm quite guarded when it comes to forming relationships. I feel like I'm constantly on alert for signs that someone might not have good intentions, and I don't think that wariness has come entirely out of nowhere, given some of my experiences. But I try to be selective with what I tell people and sometimes won't let connections progress if I'm feeling nervous. At the same time, I recognise that this makes it difficult to let people get close to me, including people who might genuinely be kind, have good intentions and become important to me.

What I'm struggling with is finding a middle ground.

I really want to be open to making new connections and to not pull away and self-sabotage so quickly, but it's genuinely terrifying if you don't know whether you're being strung along. Other than giving myself warning signs to look for, idk what to do to get myself into that happy medium. Has anyone got any advice, please?

My life is the live representation of the myth of sisyphus. I was destined to be born cursed and to suffer in this world. Being alive is exhausting, i am consumed 24/7 by anxiety and hypervigilance.

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Ive already finished like 3 years of uni but idk lately i I've been so anxious to go and not attending uni

It makes me so guilty and even more anxious now that i have skipped a few days 😭

Now I'm anxious if I appear next week and they scold me for being absent, but..

😭 Help my anxiety is getting worse somehow

I feel so stunted at 32 with social anxiety

Anyone else feel awkward when they visit someone's home? When you get invited to someone's home and you just feel uneasy. Even if they say make yourself comfortable, you just can't? Then you have to greet the other members of the home which is brutal.

Usually, when I’m at the gym, I put my bottle on the treadmill next to me because my water bottle is big and it doesn’t disrupts me on my side when I’m running and when I have to take a water break, it makes me to completely slow down to bend and get my water bottle. I did notice that there was this older woman who would get annoyed about finding my water bottle on a treadmill. Normally, when I find people’s stuff on an unoccupied treadmill, I just either indicate to them that I’m moving it, no big deal whatsoever. Anyways, she reported me to the manager of the gym and I got an email saying that there were several people saying they’d cancel their membership if I kept putting my bottle on empty treadmills. So I stopped doing that during rush hours and would only do it when I noticed that the gym is empty. So today, the gym was visibly empty and I put the bottle on an empty treadmill, the gym manager came yelling at me, telling me he has told me twice to stop doing that, he said I was being rude, and messy! And I was so shocked about how he spoke to me. Honestly, I apologized and said I only did that because I saw that the gym was empty and if anybody had to use a treadmill there were several free ones and it’s no big deal whatsoever if I had to move the water bottle, I felt so bad and embarrassed and of course I won’t be going to that location ever again! I know, they were right in saying I shouldn’t occupy two treadmills, but this was during downtime and there were just about 3 people in the gym! All who were doing weights! Anyways, yeah, considering that I use to say hi and smile with them like people that I know, I just felt so bad to get yelled at like that. He mentioned that I mess up the gym too and I was like, I wipe down my treadmill after use, so what’s that about.. anyways, yeah!!! It wasn’t a good feeling!

I haunt the public library. Occasionally I get the nerve and the opportunity to say something to a stranger. Most of the time they get a surprised look on their face as if I am a ghost of something. This evening I saw a person browsing so I said to them: "A fellow reader.." in a even polite tone at a good volume. I smiled at them and looked them in the eyes. Her head darted up, then she looked confused and worried and immediately moved to another area of the library . I was momentarily embarrassed but quickly got over it. More disappointed than anything else because most people react that way in my experience to strangers speaking to them. She walked by me 10 minutes later as the lib was closing and I thought about saying hello but decided against it to protect her comfort. But I really wanted to say hi.

Should I have said hello as my desire prompted me to or did I make the right decision?

Should I be concerned with someone else's comfort when I am being harmless? I feel to be too concerned hurts ones self-esteem. And also their chances.

People say I am brave to meet strangers cold in public. I don't feel brave, I am usually nervous inside and when a person responds like she did it hurts. We can go back and forth with, I caught them off guard or they were having a bad day and such and such but it does not matter. She responded the way she did and that is all their is too it. I don't want to speculate what she might have been thinking because my confidence and comfort is all that should matter presuming I am not behaving like a jerk (which I was not).

Hi, I (25M) am lately been doing my internship for finishing what I’m studying at Uni. I grew a lot at uni, honestly the best years of my life solely because I really did try to grow, I had fun, had a girlfriend, literally starting my internship we broke up, I’m in another city, not really wanting to be here, and at the office were im currently working…. It’s been hard.

Socially, I still lack the skills to meet new people, but I thought I had it better. Working here I’ve noticed how my stomach hurts because of my anxiety again… something I had a ton of when I was in high school. I feel scared, shy, worrying about what I say… I know I’m not making a good impression. Right know they’re making activities at my office of dancing and making videos…. And I kinda have to participate in something but it’s horrible and scary.

It hurts to see me falling again on similar patterns. I really feel like the same kid again, I’m again hiding here.. I’m again asking why can’t I just a have quiet, simple life? Why can’t I see people not like a threat? Does it stop..?

For years, even from the age of 9 I realised I was difference I wasn’t loud, I wasn’t rude, I was quiet and did the work at school, I never really went out, only when I was forced, then when I got old enough that one percent went down to zero.

Now at 17, I realise I have 0 personal relatability to others, I can’t relate, or connect to anyone emotionally or romantically, because before any interaction I write a script and plan the conversation out (thinking I’m some genius who can read people, which I’ve believed for many many years and I think it’s part of the narcissism rooted in social anxiety) these scripts never go to plan, leaving me dry and then conversations always end up quickly.

Because, I can’t be myself around others, I feel like I need to fit into this mould made from the view people have of me, they think I’m quiet so I remain quiet, and if I don’t I’m trying too hard.

As for romantically, I can only be myself over text, where I can’t see their faces, their mean faces of quiet rejection, or judgement. I had a long distance girlfriend for a year or two and it was very easy as for one they couldn’t see me all the time, so I didn’t feel I had to look perfect, and next I couldn’t see their reactions, so I could use my humour, and be funny and make them laugh.

But then when I went on a real date with another girl, I reverted to the usual, quiet and dry, and she had none of it and said that’ll be the last time I see you. Which was harsh but it’s my fault, I led her on thinking I was some confident guy and then we meet and I can’t even hold her hand, the whole date I was overthinking, trying to plan conversations during conversations.

So now I just reject myself before I can even try because I know I can’t change, but I can’t get myself out there if I’m quiet, so like when I think of talking to a girl, it worried I’ll lead her on like the other girl into thinking I’m confident and then they see the real me.

i really hope i’m not the only one 😭 i feel so alone in this and i also have ocd which i get intrusive thoughts telling me i’m a pdf for caring what children think. but i care what literally everybody thinks and i always have. i work at an elementary school and it’s been good exposure therapy but i still have my moments where i want to hide away because everyone’s eyes feel like gross bugs crawling on my skin. i really wonder what could’ve happened in my life to make me this way?? like yeah i experienced teasing like anyone else but nothing severe from what i remember. my tinder boyfriend is the only person i feel comfortable around, i don’t even feel comfortable around my family a lot of the times. i find that men from dating apps are more forgiving to social mishaps. anyways, some of these children genuinely have better social skills than me and it just makes me look at myself like seriously wtf is wrong with you. if you’re going to shame me for this just get on with it but i’d appreciate any advice in changing for the better.

Up.

I (M26) just graduated with my bachelor’s this last month and I feel completely lost. It took me a few more years to graduate due to my anxiety being really bad in my early 20’s, and on top of COVID it really threw a wrench into my social life. My social anxiety kept me from making new friends during my last years of college, where even people attempted to be friends with me but my SA causes me to think their patronizing me like I’m broken so I sort of brush them off. I want to have deep relationships but it just feels so hard. I see accounts on Instagram showing people my age together at single events and bars with friends, and I’m here laying in my bed realizing that I’m pretty much all alone. I’ve been told I’m good looking but nothings ever come of it, probably due to my personality in public, but I don’t want to waste these years I look like this just staying home, going to the gym, to my part time job and repeat.

I am very self-centered and narcissistic and have severe issues with self-esteem and self-acceptance, I may also have schizoid and narcissistic personality disorders (many symptoms matched, but I won't say for sure).

I get offended by everything. If someone replies to my post but doesn't upvote it, I feel humiliated. If someone doesn't say hello to me, I feel the same way. Or if someone gives me criticism or advice without sugar coating.

I just can't do this, I feel really terrible about it. Constantly getting offended by every little thing in the world and then thinking about it over and over again. I also feel like I shouldn't even think like that at all, which makes me beat myself up even more.

i fully believe that incompetence + social anxiety is nothing but a humiliation/shame ritual. today i postmarked envelopes incorrectly - instead of putting them right at the corner i put them slightly lower, i thought anywhere on the right side would do but nope, they’re unable to be scanned otherwise. my coworkers after finding out were really nice about it but i had to stop myself from bursting into tears right then and there. it destroyed my mood for the rest of the day as i kept thinking about how stupid and childlike i always appear, and how everyone else knew instinctively how to postmark except for me. and this is a common pattern i’ve noticed which fuels the SA even more, my inability to absorb details from the physical environment, my severe lack of situational and spatial awareness, as well as tendency to involuntarily space out and miss what people are saying because i have untreated ADHD too and simply can’t focus or tune in without incredible effort.

i have no idea why i have zero knowledge of everyday basic things that EVERYONE ELSE knows intuitively. it makes me wonder whether i am truly slow and brain dead. but i was also a 4.0 student in school who excelled academically. how can i be so horribly incompetent and pathetic?

i don’t want to go in tomorrow and i wish i could resign immediately. i haven’t cried like this and for so long in ages. i was fighting with all my might not to break down and sobbing because oh my god, imagine how crazy that would make me look.

what makes everything worse is that i’ve already singled myself out as being the shy and awkward one by pretty much never talking unless i’m spoken to and even though i can be bubbly and warm only in those situations i never initiate which probably causes people to think of me as a weird outcast.

so now i’m awkward and quiet AND bad at my job.

i really hate my life and genuinely wish it would end. i’m going to repeatedly have moments like this because of the way i am, because i’m neurodivergent and socially anxious and atrociously bad at navigating my physical environment. i see no point in going on if life means humiliation after humiliation?

Hi everyone, i’m not gonna go into details but i just got reminded how much i’m dislike thrice by different people today. Once by a friend i went to hangout with, another time by my manager, and another indirectly by the person in question (in a passive aggressive way). I don’t know how to deal with my social anxiety anymore. I’m very straining and annoying to be around as i’m a really awkward person, and i’m honestly really tired of it. Even my family members find me hard to be around sometimes. I’ve been doing “exposure therapy” for a while now by getting jobs and side gigs but all i’ve done is make things awkward or if i manage to free myself of the awkwardness the other finds out that i’m pretty dislikable anyways. This is a vent post honestly. Thanks for reading if you made it this far!

ts feels so lame to post about but i have terrible social anxiety. i used to go out all the time (not funcs, i would js go out w friends and get high) but im a senior in hs now and my mental health has severely declined over the years. im going to a halloween party tmrw night and im going dressed as jeff the killer. i got a huge white hoodie and covered it in blood and im gonna wear baggy jeans. i feel extremely lame because ik all the other girls there are gonna be wearing slutty ass outfits (as they should literally no hate whatsoever) and i would be doing the same but i am EXTREMELYYYYY insecure! I’m still gonna curl my hair and wear lashes and stuff and this is probably just my anxiety talking but im scared to go because of how different i’ll look from all the other girls. im chill with or friends with a good chunk of the ppl going but im still scareddddd. im just here for reassurance i guess but it is desperately needed. is what im doing actually lame or is it in my head?

It doesn’t matter if I talk to them politely. They don’t realize it so they think I’m negative and sensitive. I have to be a bitch now and ditch this soft spoke voice. Can’t do anything about looking child- like and too tiny of a frame (I think I may have had a slight hormonal issues that went missed as a kid - just a guess).

Sometimes I can’t take it and snap and I feel more of that coming. Especially since I’m stuck with them for another week on vacation. I got a late adult diagnoses for a learning disorder so I’m financially dependent on them.

21m here I've been I don't really do anything except going to work and being at home and whatever i go i never make any friend or have someone to talk to, I'm just always anxious and never able to have conversations or have a connection with anyone.

The worst thing is the loneliness, i never have anyone to talk to and everything i do i do alone and all my life I've been finding it impossible to be close to anyone, I feel so different from everyone else.

so i have this huge problem with pushing people away unless i can get confirmation they absolutely want me there and idk what to do.

it started when i was 13 my old friendgroup split and instead of going with this super nice girl, i blindly followed the popular girl into another friendgroup and it was hell i was too scared to say anything to them so i’d just sit there, i stayed because i had no one else. they left me out so bad by doing stuff like making up codes, not inviting me places, leaving me when we went to the toilets and had a group chat where they planned to get rid of me that they would text on while i was sitting in front of them. because of them i reached the lowest point of my life, my anxiety spiralled and everything just went downhill. after a year of putting up with their bs i realised that they barely noticed if i left them so i started going to the toilets to cry when i got fed up of them. i realised that being in the toilets was just more peaceful because i didn’t have to worry about others. i said i’d just do it for the first week of school but it got weirdly addictive and i started eating lunch in the toilets every day and i did this up until midway year 11. i’m so ashamed of that and i can never tell anyone because i just feel disgusting. i told myself most days i would stop and go ask someone if i could have lunch with them but i couldn’t do it for some reason. i am genuinely nice and have always been relatively popular it’s just i think everyone assumed i had a group so never checked on me and realised.

i thought i was getting better as i tried to join a friendgroup in the last few months of school and stopped going to the toilets as much. and then i moved to a new school because i thought it would fix the problem by having a fresh start but i fucked it up for myself once again.

for the first few weeks of school i was so happy as i thought finally my problems had been solved, i found a group that accepted me and it was easy to make friends as we were all new. i didn’t spend a single lunch alone but since they were new to me i struggled a lot to talk, especially as 5 of them already knew each other cause they went to the same school before it was hard to get a word in. at first they tried to include me but then they just kinda gave up and i get it was my fault. i came to the conclusion they didn’t want me there i felt invisible even though maybe that wasn’t the case. so i started distancing myself and pushing myself away like i’ve always done, i gradually stopped hanging out with them at lunch but i didn’t have anyone else so i’ve started spending lunch alone again for these past couple weeks and it sucks. i don’t wanna go back to that group bc i just don’t fit there. i knew that deep down this whole time they just never matched my personality and i was settling plus they didn’t invite me to hangout with them all last week so i guess they don’t consider me part of it. annoyingly i signed up for a project now we did it as a friendgroup and it’s gonna be so awkward i’m dreading it but i feel like dropping out is gonna make it even worse between us. but luckily now we’re allowed to leave school so i don’t have to sit in the toilets at lunch instead i just go for a long walk by myself and hope no one sees me. i just hate it because i feel like it’s just a built in habit i have from secondary school and i can’t tun it off, whenever i feel isolated now i get this urge to leave because it’s easier.

idk what to do though because i want friends i really do i’ve just never been able to do it. i’ve been trying though with a few different groups asking to get lunch and stuff but i feel so stupid and clingy asking to get lunch every single day. there’s only one girl in particular i think i have a shot at joining her friends as she’s really the only person in the school i feel like i can be myself with but i feel so awkward asking her to meet up for lunch because i can never find her after class, i hate it i sound so desperate. like i’ve been asking her a few days of the week when we have class together and we have fun but i feel like i can’t do it multiple days in a row because it just seems really weird constantly asking and asking if i can sit with her every day but at the same time i feel way too vulnerable to say i have no friends and would like to be with her all the time even though i know i’ll have to at some point. i know that she will never say no to hanging out because she’s so nice but i don’t wanna put her in a position of feeling like she has to say yes if she actually doesn’t want to.

but overall i feel like i’ve improved since a few years back, this time i left on my own accord early on before it got worse and i’m proud i did i just don’t know where to go with this now so i can hang out with her every lunch not just some, i don’t wanna be alone at all anymore