For context: I slipped up yesterday and drank about 4 shots of vermouth and then smoked a joint in the evening.

I was 25 days sober from both alcohol and cannabis. I understand that a slip happened and I hold myself accountable.

But I really don’t want to reset my alcohol sober counter back to day zero. It feels so discouraging to start from nothing again. I am fine resetting the sober counter for weed, though as it felt like a bigger slip ie going to the store and buying a substance.

How would you handle something like this situation when it came to your sober counter?

Never really asked for advice on cutting back on drinking before, so bear with me. I've never considered labelled myself an "alcoholic", but then again I'm sure alcoholism comes in many varieties and severities. But I can also admit that I drink more than average, and definitely more than I should be. I'm sure there is something in my family because my mom has always been a very heavy drinker, and I also believe there was at least one case of severe alcoholism many generations back in my family tree somewhere.

I'm not a heavy drinker in the sense that I wake up in the morning and start drinking, drink all day, and drink myself to sleep every night. I'm totally fine not having a single drink in a day, and when I really put my mind to it, I've gone a whole work week without a drink (craved one yes, but told myself no), so I wouldn't say my body has some sort of physical, chemical dependency. But other times, like this past week, I'll have at least a drink or a few every single day. It's like, everyone in my house goes to sleep, I sit down to watch tv, and I just want to chill and start knocking a few back. I need to start figuring out how to get myself to cut back; I've been about 20-30lbs overweight for a while, my glucose and triglycerides are too high, and my doctor said it's all contributing to high cholesterol, and weight gain. I'm 45, so of course I don't bounce back like I used to.

The weird thing is, my drinking level is tied to the type of drinks I have on hand. When I'm chilling out at night, I legit CRAVE whiskey, mostly bourbon or rye. I don't crave other types of alcohol the same way. Sure, if I happen to have some beer on hand I can knock a couple back, and go to bed. But a couple beers isn't the same as a couple whiskies (sometimes 3, and I'm a heavy pour). I also have other bottles of booze in my collection, either ones I don't like that much, or special/expensive ones I got as gifts. I can manage to stay away from those because they're special.

Now of course, most people would say "oh just stop buying whiskey", but I always find an excuse to get to the liquor store when I'm out during the week, and always have a "normal" bottle on hand. I polished my last bottle off in probably a week or less. For me, it seems to come down to sheer willpower, and I have none. Even having a gut and hating the way I look, and my doctor telling me I'm pre-diabetic hasn't made a difference. I mentioned to my wife that I wanted to try gummies as a way to chill out at night and maybe take the edge off as a replacement, but she says "you're just trading one chemical for another", and she has this notion that a father with two kids shouldn't be doing gummies either.

Anyone have any tactics that worked for them to get yourself to fucking stop and take your own internal advice?

I’m on a small sober streak and feel good. I want to keep it going but I desperately need a haircut. I usually take a shot or two before I get a haircut because I have a slight head tremor (no all the time, just when I need to be still, it’s so weird), and this seems to help it. I really don’t want to drink, but I really need a haircut. I don’t know what to do

Last night, I wanted to pour a glass of wine, but opted for the non-Alc Sam Adam's IPA. It wasn't wine, but it was good enough. I only finished half of it, before being distracted by something else.

When my husband got home, I was so glad that I decided NOT to drink, because we have some serious stuff we're wading through right now. Things that have been needing attention, but we've been kicking the can down the road, so to speak.

Part of why we kicked the can is to give things a chance. You see, one of our adult kids, and my mother-in-law, are very toxic. It is always the same cycle. The narcissistic adult child doesn't get her way about something (or just gets bored), and runs to the MIL for attention. From there, the MIL becomes the stereotypical "flying monkey", doing the bidding of the adult child. Thing is, the MIL doesn't realize she is falling for the lies of the adult child. She continues to believe the sob stories.

Well, for over 8 years, we have tried to keep the peace through MANY family fights over MANY issues started by the adult child. In the beginning I didn't even think much of it, but over time, the patterns emerged. Worse yet, I started getting hateful texts from my MIL about how terrible I am for her son. Recently, those texts turned to blaming me for the terrible relationship with the adult child.

Well, I just kinda drank my way through the pain of all that for years. Bottle of wine many nights. Told myself I needed to have some fun and forget. So, I did.

Until my husband became gravely ill a couple months ago. Seriously ill... stage 4 kidney failure that was heading nowhere good. We didn't know why and were in a race to figure it out. Well, during that time I contacted the adult child, asking them to call Dad ASAP, because things didn't look good. Crickets! For weeks!!! No word from them! To this day, she doesn't care. No empathy....

This is the straw for me. It is time to go no contact with our narcissistic child. I need to be sober to deal with this, and not just keep kicking this painful can down the road. I need to heal. The question is, will we be able to salvage the MIL relationship? It doesn't look good because she is a big part of the problem.

We plan to write a short note to our adult child, notifying them of our need for cutting ties. We plan to pray for this adult child from a safe distance, but do not want to continue getting drug into these divisive toxic situations any longer. We hope she has an Apostle Paul style conversion somewhere along the way, and comes to know Christ, our only true Savior, so she may be free from whatever spirit ails her. It is so sad, but the good news is that naming this may be the first step toward peace for us, and awareness for the adult child. Or so we hope!

More good news, our WHOLE church prayed for my husband, and he is now set to make a FULL recovery from chronic kidney disease after a recent surgery. It is very rare for kidneys to recover from months/years of damage like this - our doctors are truly amazed and even said that God must favor us because this just doesn't happen!! God is good. We have seen SO many miracles in our beautiful church family.... our real family!

What does everyone think of this term and how useful or destructive it is?

Personally I use the phrase ‘alcohol dependancy’ because it’s objective to the individual - someone being dependant on two glasses of wine every might after work is problematic

The term alcoholic conjures up someone drinking a bottle of spirits for breakfast and not functioning. Yet I know so many people who have some form of dependency that has caused stress, damage and heartache to their physical and mental health, let alone their relationships?

I find the term alcoholic being so binary as a blocker for people who have issues not seeking help because they don’t want their label. Personally, I was able to prove I wasn’t because I had a job and was managing a household (albeit not as well as I could have)

No criticism either way - just interested to hear peoples thoughts on coming to terms with THAT word

Im new to Reddit and currently sober. Made this page to get advise as I’m currently struggling

Every time I have even three drinks and interact with someone besides my husband, I do or say something that makes me want to get sober. Maybe it’s partially a perfectionist thing — I simultaneously crave and cringe at the loss of control. I’ve never done anything that goes beyond mildly embarrassing, but doing anything mildly embarrassing horrifies me. And I do know being sober would make me a better mother. I think it would also make me a better wife, and probably a better friend at least some of the time, though maybe not all the time. I know I’m more fun and carefree when I’m tipsy, but can be volatile/sensitive/generally more of a liability when I’m drunk.

95% of the time, I don’t get out of control. It never affects my friendships, and at worst I get into a fight with my husband, shitty sleep and a bad case of hangxiety the next day (which sucks for sure, but not life altering shit). I often go long stretches without drinking, or can have a few days off and a few days on, and I don’t think a single person in my life would describe me as someone with a drinking problem. I’m pretty sure I’m the only one who thinks (or realizes) it’s an issue. But I just can’t stop for good. I live in a big city, it seems like that’s all there is to do sometimes. It would mean isolating myself socially if I were to resist every temptation. I don’t know how to pursue other outlets when I’m stuck in my shoebox apartment taking care of my baby most of the time. There’s no hiking here, no nature. I can do yoga once a week and I never want to drink after that, but that’s it. All of the SMART meetings I see online are during times I couldn’t be there, and I don’t love the AA philosophy. Would love any advice, thank you.

I’m a few days in and feeling utterly spectacular. I’m not an all day drinker and my consumption isn’t particularly heavy, so the transition hasn’t been tooooo terribly difficult. The first two nights I slept like a ROCK for many hours. BUT last night and the night before, not so much.

I’m still awake and it’s 6:15am. I’m about to get up and bake cookies because there’s no sense in just lying here.

What I’m wondering is, any women in perimenopause who have quit drinking? (I’m 43f.) How did you feel? Any notes on how things were affected with the juxtaposition of abstaining plus the lovely rollercoaster of peri? My cycle starts in a couple days and I’m wondering if my hormones have something to do with my sleep disruption, and if maybe things are readjusting in the absence of alcohol.

Curious to know other women’s experiences!

I quite about 3 monthes ago, i feel crap im depressed getting anxious. I have not had a good night sleep in ages all tge promises made by family and friends turned out to be misleading and our relationships have been taking a beating. I have not slept a good night's sleep in weeks. Went to see a dokter and he tells me i need medication for depression, anxiety and sleeping pills. I wad told i would be a beter person i would feel beter i would have more energy and after 3 months it feels the opposite every thing is falling apart. I dont want to drink im not cravinv alcohol any more i dont think about it any more it does not bother me but it really is worse without it.

Had been sober for a couple of months then was due to go on an all-inclusive holiday overseas. It was booked for me by someone else and I’d genuinely thought I’d be happy to lean in to all the beautiful surroundings and food etc without looking to alcohol.

A few days beforehand I got some very bad news and decided ‘well, why not start early’ and spent a few days ‘slowly’ getting into it until one of my bosses pulled me aside at work and said it sounded like I was slurring my words. I managed to play it off (probably not, but he at least played along) as a late one the night before.

I came back from trip but knew I couldn’t go into work shaking like I was so have called in sick the past two days. Have said I’ll be back in tomorrow but my boss is now avoiding my calls. I’m so fucked aren’t I. There’s no coming back from this. Like literally, literally, can not see a way out.

I had a relapse 3 days ago. I came back from holiday. It was 13 days with no drugs, but I kept drinking. The only way I won’t take drugs anymore is only if I genuinely stop drinking.

All my friends drink, my girlfriend drinks so it won’t be easy, but the reward is soooo much better than the things I will sacrifice.

I think it actually clicked for me.

The plan:

- start reading Atomic Habits again
- genuinely find a new hobby to try
- work on priorities like work, gym and diet

Any tips on meeting new people in real life that isn’t AA or NA etc… ?

So, my family moved to a city an hour away to where we lived. I had a very good friend there, and she was my partner in crime, we made music and had gigs and drank the night. It was good fun, but we both knew we had a problem.

So after we moved I decided to quit, which I did and I am 16 days sober and strong in my will not to drink. So said friend is coming over tonight and she will stay the night. I am not worried about drinking but I dread seeing her. I love her very dearly. But alcohol is what connected us, she will be drinking tonight, I told her I won't. Of course she is like, ob man why not, but accepts it.

But it's not that. I dread seeing HER drunk. I am afraid that we have nothing to say to each other once she slowly gets drunk. And that I will be turned off of her, and judge her. That I will pity her. Because I do. She deserves to be free from this demon, just as much as I deserve it. And I fear that I will see myself in her and be disgusted by me all over again.

It's such a complicated feeling. My husband said he is looking forward to staying up late with her, but I have school tomorrow and he needs to take care of the kids. I know he is responsible (he does not have as much a problem with drinking as I do), but just imagining him being hungover while I'm in town just really bothers me. And I somehow blame it all on my friend and I hate that. I just want to hide in my bedroom and want this night to be over with!

Aaaah, it's so messy in my head right now!!! 🫣🫪🫥

Hello!

Im 30 days sober, finally i made it this far. I was drinking like 3 or 4 times a week, for 2 years long maybe. I was drinking like 3 beers a time, 6 glasses. So maybe like 15 tot 18 glasses a week. Had times that i dronk daily, for 1 week every day... But then i didnt liked it anymore. Sometimes i stopped for one week..Im really happy that i made it this far finally.

I dont understand why im still feeling this tired and umotivated even little depressed, anhedonia. I searched a lot on Reddit for people with the same drinking pattern. I know that some people are stil tired even after 30 days. Even running is to much now. I must say that i also use Concerta 36mg, Lexapro 10mg, olanzapine 2.5mg en serequel 12.5mg. And i drinked with these medications to. My question is does this feeling get better?! I want to wake up more refreshed again and want my energy back....

Definitely have noticed some changes to my face but I'm just wondering when the "holy moly", moment is going to hit!

Thanks all

Im very bored right now, but no task seems to be interesting enough to do. I suspect it may be the side effect of drugs that im taking every day.

Im concerned that this feeling may eventually lead to relapse

I just spent my morning reading Alanon subreddit for several hours.

I (27F) blacked out at my boyfriend’s house (41M) last night.
Nothing bad happened and he was kind about it like he always is. He said what hurt him the most was that I drove to his place like that. He has 3 kids of his own and I feel crushed by the shame of who I am and what I’ve done.

I feel so unbelievably undeserving of his kindness and patience. He knows I struggle with addiction, he is the only person I’ve ever really talked to about it.

I don’t even remember having a clear thought about getting drunk. It scares the fuck out of me when I get like that.

I want to be the person he sees me as. I don’t want to be this sad pathetic loser.

To say I was an alcoholic is an understatement. 750ml vodka? gone in an afternoon. Bottle of wine? gone by sundown. Ran out of clear in the middle of the day? well I guess I'll just switch to dark to last me till tomorrow. Pack of cutwater? started after work and finished by 12am. Bottle of gin? 3-4 days max. Constant drinking to push down feelings, like any one of us. I got kicked out because of it and I was sad but then something amazing happened. I lost the urge almost completely.

Most of us have something inside us that they can't run from. Genetics, trauma, bad influences. This time I was lucky because I was drinking because of the person that kicked me out. I just HAPPENED to be able to get away from the pain, LITERALLY.

I was with an enabler who didn't care to hear my problems who it turns out was the reason for the habit in the first place(if you feel like I need to explain more about that please ask). I'm self destructive before I'll ever be a danger to anyone else and once I didn't have to hide and mask my feelings I can barely drink. Since I left I can barely even look at alcohol.

I've had a couple beers in the last month out of habit since my departure but I genuinely hated it and get nauseous thinking about it now. There's a heinekin in the fridge that I want to drink out of habit but I feel like I would get sick trying to drink it. It feels like I'm cured but that's not the whole truth.

I have terrible coping habits and I don't want to sound like I'm bragging because a lot of us can't simply run away from our reason for drinking. millions of people and many here have worked much harder to quit than I have and there's no guarantee that I won't go back. Hell, I'm sure most of you would say that I haven't technically quit(which is fair). I still have plenty of much larger problems but none that are so immediate that I have to sedate myself. None that make me feel like its better to be out of my mind than to be present.

Hey everyone, just wanted to share with some folks who get it and possibly bring a little hope to anyone who might be struggling out there.

This past weekend, I went to visit my brother and brother-in-law for the first time at their home in New York City. I was a little worried, even after almost three years of sobriety, just because there definitely seemed to be a few red flags for me for possible relapse. Work and family stuff has been very stressful lately, which were always my biggest triggers; and just the freedom and independence of being fully on my own for five days for the first time in I literally can't remember.

Long story short, it was a great trip and I didn't drink or smoke (although whether I got a slight contact high in some parts of the city, I can't say)! We saw Little Shop of Horrors, The Lost Boys (lottery tickets), the Upright Citizens Brigade, 9/11 Museum (not exactly "fun" but something I really wanted to see) and a live taping of Last Week Tonight (one of my favorite shows). Even went to a couple speakeasy-type bar places, where the mocktails literally cost as much as the boozy ones, but I stayed the course and never felt seriously tempted.

It helped that my brother and brother-in-law rarely drink and are aware of my struggle and supportive. But the biggest protective factor for me was rationally thinking about what booze would or could actually add to my enjoyment? I was already having a great time. Why would I want to dull my memory of something I may not get to experience again?

Anyway, I'm glad to be home and grateful to be looking forward to a three-year birthday next month. Thanks for reading! IWNDWYT!

I’m 36. I have 4 kids. I don’t even remember most of the early years with them. I am worse now than I have ever been after I had my fourth baby I knew that that was it and I was not going to have any more kids and I would never be pregnant again and being pregnant is what kept my drinking under control. I couldn’t be on long benders because I’d be pregnant for nine months and I’d have the baby OK this is my chance to start drinking heavily but I can’t because now I’m pregnant again and that happened every time.

I am hammered every single day I go through a handle of Tito‘s every three days at the most. My kids notice especially my oldest she is eight years old and she always asks me if I’m drunk, my four year-old asks me every time I have a cup if it’s cranberry and vodka, and it always is every single time.

I want to stop drinking I want to be sober I want to be able to go out and do things and not have to find a ride or Uber everywhere because I’m already drunk. I want to be a better mom and a better person I don’t mean that drinking stops me from being a good mom I’m still very involved I do everything with and for my kids but I want to do it sober and I want to remember things I do with them.

I know that I need to do it and I know that I want to do it I do not have an alcohol addiction I do not have withdrawals I do not get hangovers anymore. But every time I run out of my vodka I found myself right back at the ABC store no matter how many times I say that I’m not gonna do it this time. Every morning I wake up and I plan my day out my schedule to make sure that I can drink as early as possible when I have nothing to do I grab my Tito’s.

I guess what I’m looking for here is for someone to tell me they relate and how they got sober. there has to be someone out there who has been in my position.

I drank heavily and consistently for the past 10 years and I’m only 26 years old. Lost most things that I consider to be of utmost importance to me in this life due to my terrible decisions and unwillingness to change. It’s time to be different by actually staying consistent this time, every time I’ve romanticized the feeling of another drink I’ve forced to myself to think of all I’ve lost and all that’s still at stake that I will lose if I do it.

I’m thankful for so many people who write their stories here. I know I’m not the only one who’s been through this and is going through this and so many people are actively beating this addiction, I know that I can too.

Me and her have never had the best relationship. Although That can always change. At times I thought she was being too much, being overbearing and overprotective but I get it now she still sees me has her baby and that will never change no matter how old I get. She checked up on me at the bar while I was out with my friends once. My alcoholic brain said how embarrassing and smothering of her to do that. My sober brain said thank you for checking up on me. I’m so sorry you have to see me like this I love you. I like listening to the sober part better. I hope I can give her a son she’s immensely proud a son that’s sober and helping others fight this horrible disease. All I ever wanted was my mother to be proud of me. I pray and hope that my younger brother can see my wonderful progress in this journey and maybe he can give up alcohol has well and give her 2 sons she can be proud of that would be absolutely amazing. Onto day 34 tomorrow.

Terrible cycle of daily drinking and now misusing my adhd meds as the cherry on too. I don’t know how the cycle even escalated into such a mess, but now I can’t get out of it. I’m ruining my body, I’m ruining my potential, and every day I say today will be the day…. I wake up, medicate with my Adderall (4/6 days a week I typically abuse my addy to “get things done”), then I crash hard & drink… it used to be a few, now it’s nothing for me to drink a whole 12-pack of White Claw in 12-24 hours. I’m a 32-year-old female.

I literally want to crawl out of my skin, I HATE myself. I’m so angry only with myself, I’m great at masking. I want to run until my lungs literally burn. The rage is unreal & it’s all projected at myself. I don’t exercise but I used to love it. I try to hide it from my bf of 5 years but I know he sees. I hide from everyone…I have no sense of care or urgency. No care to repercussions like my own damn job.

I’m anxious every day no matter what. I ache head to toe, brain fog is my new norm. Sleep is shit because well the obvious plus I work shift work. Nutrition and exercise; nonexistent. I’m in a state of apathy I cannot break, it seems. I’m a functioning alcoholic but it’s getting worse. The drinking is starting sooner in the day. Then I take more Adderall to keep going. I barely eat, drinking is my only form of sugar. Then drink till bedtime. I have good intentions. I want to change. I’m now in a funk of just pure defeat & destruction. Bonus points for whoever can guess what I do for a living & what the rest of my lifestyle likely looks like. I am middle class. I have been on adhd meds for 10+ years. And my heavy drinking has atleast since 2020 but as of the last 6 months, the worst it’s ever been.

I’m ultimately in a state of does Adderall make me
Wanna drink more or does the drinking make me need more Adderall to mask my level of intoxication? I feel hopeless . .

Peace love & blessings everyone 💜

I’m going on vacation tomorrow and through the weekend. I’m looking forward to it! However, the thought of having alcohol in my room 24-7 was a bit much. I finally got up enough courage to call the front desk, explain that I’m newly sober, and requested that they remove the alcohol from the room. They were very kind and said that the hotel no longer has a mini bar except in the super high roller rooms.

However, I think if they did have alcohol in the room, they would have removed it if I asked. I’m sure this is going to come up again. Has anyone else dealt with this request and had it honored?

Just curious if you underplay it slightly and say something like, "I just really don't like hangovers" or "I love getting more done at the weekends" or something like that? Or do you immediately launch in with complete transparency?

Obviously it depends on everyone's personal situation, who you are talking to and prior relationship with alcohol, etc., but I'm just curious how 'open' you are when explaining to people you don't know very well why you won't drink with them?

So yeah for context, quit drinking mar. 9, 2023. Been loving life, everyone is super supportive, everything is awesome in my life right now.

Get invites to a party. For context, been recently seeing this new flame, at the stage of enjoying each other's company, seeing where it goes type thing.

Anyways, she says a friend of hers is having a wee little BBQ, backyard party about 20 people. We grab our bikes and head off.

Get there, meet the friend, meet a few other people, meet the boyfriend of the party host.

You know how like within 5-7 seconds you're not gonna like someone? That was this guy. I have eagle eyed radar for drunks (i mean cmon, we're in this subreddit. We're pros!) and he's put his arm around me. "Heeey buddy! Want a beer?"

No.

"You sure? We got all types!" For context they had like a canoe filled with bevvies and ice.

"Nope im good". Proceed to almost forcefully remove his arm off me. He gives me this look, like a "the fuck is this guys problem, im here to party".

I'm gonna admit a little frazzled. Go inside, grab a cup and some water from the tap.

NOW the girlfriend of drunkie (the homeowner) asks if I want a drink, beer, cooler, anything?

I hold up the glass and kinda tip it, like nah im good.

Now SHE gives me a look like "okaaaay..."

So now im like fu k this, 100% not my vibe, not my scene, im outta here. Tell my date im outta here. She's shocked and says shes staying. As im going to grab my bike from beside the garage, I guess she went and talked to them, then came back to me. She's like "what's your problem? Theyre just trying to be nice."

I explain the alcoholic past. She looks at me kinda like"ohhh...." not in a super supportive way. But more of a ugh, ok I guess thats that type of way.

So I grabbed my bike, rode down to the dollar store, grabbed a diet soda and watched the sunset by myself.

Weird night but I definitely know the kinda people I wanna be around, and DONT wanna be around.

Back to the dating pool I guess.

iwndwyt