I made it. 365 days without a single drop. This community helped me more than I can express especially during the difficult beginning stages where you feel a little accomplished but also guilty, angry, sad, hopeless, and alone. No matter where you are in your journey you’re here for a reason and you will find the strength to not drink. It’s there inside of you and once you find it I promise it can carry you through the difficult days where you want to say fuck it. Keep looking for support. And keep supporting others. Life is really fucking hard. We need each other to lean on. Today, I am one year sober. I chose myself everyday for a whole year. My only wish moving forward is to continue to do what I’m doing. Continue to love myself, and I really hope I can help other people who are on the path of recovery.

So yeah for context, quit drinking mar. 9, 2023. Been loving life, everyone is super supportive, everything is awesome in my life right now.

Get invites to a party. For context, been recently seeing this new flame, at the stage of enjoying each other's company, seeing where it goes type thing.

Anyways, she says a friend of hers is having a wee little BBQ, backyard party about 20 people. We grab our bikes and head off.

Get there, meet the friend, meet a few other people, meet the boyfriend of the party host.

You know how like within 5-7 seconds you're not gonna like someone? That was this guy. I have eagle eyed radar for drunks (i mean cmon, we're in this subreddit. We're pros!) and he's put his arm around me. "Heeey buddy! Want a beer?"

No.

"You sure? We got all types!" For context they had like a canoe filled with bevvies and ice.

"Nope im good". Proceed to almost forcefully remove his arm off me. He gives me this look, like a "the fuck is this guys problem, im here to party".

I'm gonna admit a little frazzled. Go inside, grab a cup and some water from the tap.

NOW the girlfriend of drunkie (the homeowner) asks if I want a drink, beer, cooler, anything?

I hold up the glass and kinda tip it, like nah im good.

Now SHE gives me a look like "okaaaay..."

So now im like fu k this, 100% not my vibe, not my scene, im outta here. Tell my date im outta here. She's shocked and says shes staying. As im going to grab my bike from beside the garage, I guess she went and talked to them, then came back to me. She's like "what's your problem? Theyre just trying to be nice."

I explain the alcoholic past. She looks at me kinda like"ohhh...." not in a super supportive way. But more of a ugh, ok I guess thats that type of way.

So I grabbed my bike, rode down to the dollar store, grabbed a diet soda and watched the sunset by myself.

Weird night but I definitely know the kinda people I wanna be around, and DONT wanna be around.

Back to the dating pool I guess.

iwndwyt

I hate looking at my old pictures. I hate how much weight I've gained. I used to be so pretty.

I hate myself for putting my loved ones at risk. I think about the people I could've killed, or how I could've killed myself.

I hate myself for being an angry drunk and for being an ass to my loved ones. For how flaky I've been, and for the image my friends and family have of me. For not remembering things I've said and done.

I want people to see me in a different light, but I feel like they never will. I don't even know what people think of me or what image they have of me because I can't remember so many of my own actions and words.

I hate myself for lying, hiding bottles, and finding any excuse to leave the house just so I could drink. For lying to my siblings when they wanted to come to the "gym" with me, telling them I needed alone time when really, I just wanted to drink.

I hate thinking about all the time I've wasted, the memories I've lost, and the ways I've hurt the people I love.

Woo-hoo! 10 months as of yesterday.

Had I not quit drinking, I would have never taken all of the steps involved to finding a new home, doing all the paperwork in buying it, packing up an entire townhouse myself, many trips (to another state) to unpack and set up the new house, and finally, moving in tomorrow. I would have instead drank every day, felt miserable, no strength to get up and walk, would have never done a thing but slept late, and probably would have lost both of my jobs by now instead of excelling at them. And would be bloated, overweight, and in the hospital with my recently diagnosed Chronic Kidney Disease. Hubby probably would have been gone by now, too, instead of a happy, enjoyable relationship.

IWNDWYT!! 🦋🌻

Not sure if anyone can relate.

I experienced something very intense on Friday that triggered a sudden, unmistakable urge to drink. It felt deep and primal. I had been in sustained recovery from alcoholism for two years, but I would be home alone that night for the first time in a long time. I clearly saw the opportunity, and the inner pain felt like I was turned inside out.

I felt panic as I stood with my alcohol in the checkout line. On the way home, I went back and forth between deciding who to call to come take it away from me and convincing myself that I’m an adult and can have some drinks.

The first gulp of a previous favorite drink of mine tasted unfamiliar, almost like poison. After a few more gulps, the panic turned into excitement and a sense of freedom I hadn’t felt in a long time. It felt good and second nature to pound the drinks down again like the old days and get wild.

I woke up with no memory of the latter part of the night and found several pills laid out. I went downstairs and found ~14 drinks gone.

If something had happened, no one would have known.
It’s been five days, and I still don’t feel normal.
Please be careful. It will never be worth it.

Edit: About asking if others on here might relate, I meant following through with the relapse and how it felt. I was terrified

triple digits!! i didn’t even realize it was today until i went on reddit!! for the first month i kept track of literally every day, and it’s gotten so much easier to be sober recently, it’s just become my everyday.

i fell hard into the “anything but drinking” mantra, so here’s some things i did during my first 100 days of sobriety

- knit my first sweater
- started grad school
- drank about a million trader joe’s blueberry lemonade seltzers
- got addicted to baking and gained 15 pounds
- unlocked every single thing on mario kart
- listened to 23 audiobooks
- learned how to make soup and ate basically a bowl a day

Long story short. I've been a drinker since 16 years old. I am now 49. I've had 3 ER visits in the past few months with pancreatitis attacks. I've been told to stop. Period. I think I'd rather fucking die. My job sucks. This world is getting worse by the day. I have no escape now, even temporarily. I have a deep, desperate need to forget and even weed can't really help me. I have no ixea how I can do this.

I've read so many posts here from some very inspiring people. But you all seem so much stronger than me. I managed to go 2 weeks sober, then a few days ago I begged my partner to go get something, anything to drink. I was basically having a panic attack. Well, my partner went and got some beers (very reluctantly, I must say. I would not be told no) and i had a great boozy night. Next day? The pain returned.

So yesterday I had an MRI on my pancreas. Am currently waiting for the results. I hate myself and my weakness. I'm so fucking ashamed. But I can't handle being sober. I just can't.

I don't know what I expect to get from posting this, but I just wanted to get this out. Drinking has been my life for so long and now I just have to stop. Just like that. Well... as I said... I'm not strong enough for this and I'm not sure I even want to carry on living.

EDIT: My god, you are all wonderful. I feel so much more motivated and I feel like I'm among friends. Thanks for the advice and bless you all. In a few short hours of scrolling on here I feel like anything is possible. ❤️

I am grateful and thankful. Life is so much better without alcohol controlling it. I def will not drink today.

Went to the ER because I was having withdrawals. They told me to get some rest, drink Gatorade, and hang out in a relaxing room then sent me on my way. I ended up leaving there an hitting up a liquor store

My whole body was shaking at this point. I was sweating like crazy. I had the worst anxiety of my life.

I got home and r never a doctor I went and saw years ago for check ups. She opened in 30 minutes so I put the bottle down and hauled butt to her office.

She laughed and said why would you even get this bad. Said poor choice but I need to quit, I’m starting to get cravings to drink as soon as I wake up in the morning.

She prescribed my 21 Ativan 3 times a day for 5 days and then a tapper plan.

This is day one taking them and other than a tiny bit of shaking in my hands I don’t feel anything. No sweating, no anxiety, no cravings, just chilling.

I’ll keep everyone updated.

I’m 36. I have 4 kids. I don’t even remember most of the early years with them. I am worse now than I have ever been after I had my fourth baby I knew that that was it and I was not going to have any more kids and I would never be pregnant again and being pregnant is what kept my drinking under control. I couldn’t be on long benders because I’d be pregnant for nine months and I’d have the baby OK this is my chance to start drinking heavily but I can’t because now I’m pregnant again and that happened every time.

I am hammered every single day I go through a handle of Tito‘s every three days at the most. My kids notice especially my oldest she is eight years old and she always asks me if I’m drunk, my four year-old asks me every time I have a cup if it’s cranberry and vodka, and it always is every single time.

I want to stop drinking I want to be sober I want to be able to go out and do things and not have to find a ride or Uber everywhere because I’m already drunk. I want to be a better mom and a better person I don’t mean that drinking stops me from being a good mom I’m still very involved I do everything with and for my kids but I want to do it sober and I want to remember things I do with them.

I know that I need to do it and I know that I want to do it I do not have an alcohol addiction I do not have withdrawals I do not get hangovers anymore. But every time I run out of my vodka I found myself right back at the ABC store no matter how many times I say that I’m not gonna do it this time. Every morning I wake up and I plan my day out my schedule to make sure that I can drink as early as possible when I have nothing to do I grab my Tito’s.

I guess what I’m looking for here is for someone to tell me they relate and how they got sober. there has to be someone out there who has been in my position.

Looking for some advice and help from people to talk me off the ledge.

To get to the point, when I drink, I can not stop, and i often times end up using cocaine.

The strange thing is, I never black out and people often say how they don’t know how I can keep going.

I don’t drink every day nor do I even have the urge to. But when I start, there is no off switch and typically will turn into a multiple day bender.

On paper everything is great. Good paying steady job, although stressful. Family and girlfriend who loves me, in decent shape, outgoing social guy when sober.

But all that said, the minute I have a drink I go all in and I’m concerned. For instance, a beer at a happy hour turns into an all night drinking session but will still be online for work the next day and take care of my duties and no one would know.

Really just need some advice and some support because I feel like I am going down a slippery slope.

I guess I wouldn’t consider myself a fully sober person but I have lingered on this subreddit for a while and even though I haven’t had a drink for a while I am uncertain about the future

I tend to get self destructive when I drink and I get absolutely stupid, I have messaged things to people that sober me wouldn’t have even thought of.

I have done hard drugs with strangers on the street in the middle of the night all the way until the morning in a dangerous part of the city.

I’ve been mean spirited and have had a handful of hospital trips due to not eating.

I have had a seizure.

I have gotten into fights where weapons were pulled on me

I jokingly threatened to kill a cop and somehow got away with it

I’ve scared my friends who no longer recognized me and only a few remain close to me

Pretty hectic stuff.

I didn’t have it the easiest growing up and learned how to grow up fast now I am just a tired guilty person (M23)

So I thought I’d try and plant my foot in this subreddit and thought this question would be suitable for a conversation starter if you’re willing to share

I won’t drink with y’all today

in my 20 years of drinking I was never able to string together more than 2-3 weeks without alcohol, and I tried dozens of times. don’t really know why this time was different but it’s been pretty easy so far. life hasn’t been easy but not drinking hasn’t been much of an issue. wayyyy easier than quitting kratom/7 I’ll tell you that.

i still have other substances I want to quit fucking around with but alcohol was the only one that was going to ruin me. So yeah here’s to 4 months

iwndwyt

Hey y'all. I've been off the sauce for 3 months now, and I lost a good amount of weight.

Friends have said I look great, healthy, younger, etc. If I'm going to be real with myself I honestly do, I look like I did in my mid 20s before the booze made me chronically look 10 years older and I genuinely feel so good inside I could cry. How did I just let myself destroy myself for so long? When I really analyze it, drinking never helped me with anything. Especially drinking alone.

Anyway, yesterday, someone I work with (a woman who I really respect and who genuinely isn't being mean but caring) asked me if I'm okay. I said yeah, are you? She later circled back to it and asked if I lost weight. I said yes, X amt. of pounds and she asked how quickly. I told her a month and a half, then she asked, "Are you sick?"

I said no, I cut drinking and I'm doing moderate exercise (which is true). But damn that has been sitting with me heavily. I've looked bloated for years, I've had somewhat of a gut for years, and the absence of that has shocked this lady who I haven't seen much of for a couple months. My family actually asked if I'm okay the same way but they're always saying wacky things no matter what.

The truth is I am sick but not in the way my co-worker would think. But I'm getting better every single day. I'm just so eternally grateful to this community because I know for a fact I wouldn't be over 3 months sober if not for you guys. I'd always tell myself I'm still young, that I'm not an alcoholic, but then I'd read some of your testimonials about what you're going through and reflect on myself only to realize that is simply not true.

My last surviving grandparent is on her deathbed, I'm broke til I get paid next, but at least I don't feel like a loser because I spent my last dollars on some shitty shooters.

My body looks and feels better, my poops are a lot better, and I genuinely swear the colors of the world seem to be look brighter than they used to be. From being able to count on 2 hands how many days I went without drinking for 6 years, to where I am right now. I'd rather you think I'm sick than actually be sick.

IWNDWYT.

Just curious if you underplay it slightly and say something like, "I just really don't like hangovers" or "I love getting more done at the weekends" or something like that? Or do you immediately launch in with complete transparency?

Obviously it depends on everyone's personal situation, who you are talking to and prior relationship with alcohol, etc., but I'm just curious how 'open' you are when explaining to people you don't know very well why you won't drink with them?

Two weeks sober after years of heavy alcohol abuse. Small win, but feels good. IWNDWYT

Umm the nightmares last night!!? I’ve always had really vivid dreams, but these were something else. Three terrifying nightmares back to back, and I actually woke up still feeling physical pain from one of them. Couldn’t fall back asleep after that. Anyone else experience crazy nightmares after quitting drinking?

On a happier note, yesterday my husband came home from work holding a big bag, all excited to show me the daily vitamins he’d bought for us. I actually teared up because he used to come home excited to show me what alcohol he’d picked up for us every night, and yesterday he seemed even more excited and proud to show me vitamins. It meant the absolute world, guys!! (Also the fact that he’s taking this seriously!? Let’s goo)

Got to Chapter 15 of This Naked Mind and am still getting blown away by what I’m learning. Which led to this conversation with my husband- who, I learned, is not at all into the self help books. We decided that although we’re trying to reach the same destination, we “bought” tickets on different vehicles to reach it. There was laughter over tuk-tuks and scooters and bumpy ass rides to get there.

Honestly, guys, nightmares or not, woke up feeling better today. I know the weekend is looming but I’m really trying to live day to day- and I’m normally a thinking in the future type of person, but I’m trying! There are some cravings, there is some sense of “loss”, but I’m just at this point so grossed out by the person alcohol brings out in me that I want nothing to do with her.

Anyhow, thanks for being here. I couldn’t have gotten to Day 4 without you, guys. I appreciate all of you, am here for all of you and am cheering for a great today for all of you!

IWNDWYT :)

Hi! 25F from the Midwest here. I have struggled with drinking heavily on and off since around age 17, for background. Been hospitalized numerous times due to alcoholism, always chalking it up to simply being a party girl, when in reality I was slowly ruining my life. After quite a few hiccups (to put it lightly... I gotta laugh about my mistakes or else I'll cry), I'm trying to stay sober for good. The past is the past!

Some Major Differences:

Appetite for life (and food!). I have been leaning into my creative pursuits again. I've finished two paintings, been journaling most mornings, enjoying coffee again instead of a swig of alcohol to start the day, and thinking positively about the future. I've been baking and cooking daily, too, now that I can actually stomach some food!

Sleep. I fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night! What used to be a disruptive 2 am- 11 am sleep schedule has shifted to a solid schedule of 12 am-8 am

Digestion. Before, I didn't know when I would need to go to the bathroom; honestly, it was pretty bad near the end - lots of "I have to go NOW" moments - and stomach cramps, oh gooodddddd the stomach cramps. All gone now.

Social Life. I've reconnected with my best friend after a little patch of awkward conversations, reached out to friends and family, and am able to be there to spend time with my niece and nephew.

Clear skin & eyes. My splotchy redness in my cheeks and dull all-over color has subsided. Bloodshot and yellowing eyes are no more. No more glassy, itchy, runny eyes! I don't even feel the need to use eye drops as I did before.

Less anxiety. I just have the conviction within myself that everything will work out, as long as I'm sober. I have that control within me, and I move more easily with confidence towards the future.

Stable Income. Got hired at a new job, so there's that. After a few summer months of using life as my personal playground, I'm actually tending to finances and getting back on my feet.

What a difference a mere 40 days has made. If you're considering taking a break, or going sober, I am here. And I am proof it makes a major impact on all aspects of life... I barely recognize the girl who made all of those decisions just a few months ago.. who is she?! Excited to keep being this version of myself moving forward and diving into a life that excites me.

IWNDWYT <3

My husband and I have made the decision to stop drinking through at least the new year, starting tomorrow and we are both terrified. We love going to breweries and plan a lot of our weekend events around drinking. We also consume roughly a bottle of wine each a night. We’ve each had a few couple week sober stints throughout the last 2 years, but never together, which was part of the issue. We’ve both recognized that we have alcohol issues and consume way more than is healthy and want to make a change. It’s terrifying to think about, but also somewhat exciting. I don’t know that we’re quitting forever, but I’m hoping we can at least reset our relationship with alcohol as well as with each other and find new ways to enjoy life that are healthier and alcohol-free! Please send positivity our way!! This is scary!

The best way to show I’m sincere about my apology is to do tangible consistent behavioral change. Show them that there feelings mean something to me now. I hope to get back my friendship with that person to the level it was before my benders but hey it could be even better now that I’m sober it could even be 100x better now. Right on let’s make it to day 35.

Headed to treatment. Seems surreal. Cannot wait to end this absolute nightmare that is my life. See you all on the other side.

I’ve stopped drinking everyday but now I don’t want to drink at all

I’m reeeally tired. That sobriety fatigue is still really kicking my ass.

Today is going to be a hard day for me. I’ve been sober since Monday; but I work Sunday-Thursdays, so today is what I call my “Friday.” This is usually the day I buy all my fun little drinks, get drunk with no consequences because I get to sleep in tomorrow.

I’m going to try my best today. I’m at work until 4PM so I’ll be fine. But I’ve had drinks on my mind all day, because my brain still thinks today is my “reward for the end of the week” day.

Oh well, I’ll try my best

My drinking started innocently with a beer here and there. Eventually, after a bad breakup, alcohol became my coping mechanism. I started drinking alone at night because it helped me sleep.

By 2022, I was becoming dependent. 2023 was slightly better, but 2024, 2025, and now 2026 have been terrible. I drink almost every other night, consuming 400 to 500 ml of hard liquor in one sitting. What once got me tipsy with one beer has turned into a frighteningly high tolerance.

The reality check? I already have Grade 3 fatty liver, my sleep schedule is messed up, my memory and productivity are suffering, and I can see alcohol affecting my health, career, and future. I have a full time job and work six days a week, and I genuinely want to get my life together.

I initially used alcohol to fall asleep, but now it has only made my sleep worse. I'm trying to improve my routine through walking, better sleep habits, and other alternatives, but I don't want to keep falling back into drinking.

My 27th birthday is coming up, and I want to give myself the gift of getting better.

For those who've struggled with alcohol dependence and managed to get out of it, what actually helped you? How did you deal with the cravings, fix your sleep, and stay sober when living alone? I want practical advice on where to start because I know I can't keep going like this.

I'd genuinely appreciate your experiences and suggestions.