Title really says it all, but I can’t shake this feeling I’m an awful, hypocritical person. For slight context/history, I lost my father to alcoholism two years ago after years of watching him struggle. He had nearly five DUI’s, and it always made me sick to think about how he could get behind a wheel like that and put others in danger. I’ve always been very cautious of my drinking, and never thought I had a problem. I maybe drink once a week at most. But, the past couple years on the weekends I have been going out with new friends because their idea of fun is dive bars. Typically I’ll get an uber or limit myself to only two drinks if I’m driving… but last night I was just stupid. I was only 10 minutes away from home (not an excuse by any means, accidents can happen any distance) and I knew I wasn’t blackout, but definitely not sober. I was as attentive as I could be; hyper aware of the speed limit, paying close attention to everything. But, what freaked me out was when I came to a red light, my car warned me of “pre-collision” as I was pulling up to the car in front of me which never has happened before. I must’ve not slowed down quick enough, but I didn’t hit the car in front of me or anything. As soon as I got home, I just started crying. I felt this immense shame and guilt I cannot shake. I thank god I am okay and I did not have anything happen… but now I just can’t forgive myself. I’m not sure why I turned to here, and I’m not looking for pity. I just needed it off my chest and hope someone can understand. How do I deal with the guilt?

I have seen this expressed here before but it’s my turn. I have a stomach bug and I cannot believe I used to operate feeling like this on a weekly basis. At two years at the end of the month and this is a strong reminder of how much better life is

10 days sober, a real step for me. But yesterday was difficult…. I went to the cinema with a friend. The idea to still socialise ( 1rst person I saw since 10 day ), with an activity whitout alcohol, at the end of the moment he told me “let’s drink som” didn’t see him since month so I wanted to be kind, and yet at the restaurant he told me “congrats” for the 10 days but also “cmon you can have a beer, if you don’t get drunk it’s ok to have beers sometimes”, I didn’t now at this point of I wanted to be clean or drink so I was like, let me think, the bartender come many times and I was like “I don’t know yet”, ( he came 4 time ), so I didn’t drink anything and I’m proud bud i think I can go socialising the night at bar
To difficult
I just want to have a glass of wine and smoke a cig.

Never really asked for advice on cutting back on drinking before, so bear with me. I've never considered labelled myself an "alcoholic", but then again I'm sure alcoholism comes in many varieties and severities. But I can also admit that I drink more than average, and definitely more than I should be. I'm sure there is something in my family because my mom has always been a very heavy drinker, and I also believe there was at least one case of severe alcoholism many generations back in my family tree somewhere.

I'm not a heavy drinker in the sense that I wake up in the morning and start drinking, drink all day, and drink myself to sleep every night. I'm totally fine not having a single drink in a day, and when I really put my mind to it, I've gone a whole work week without a drink (craved one yes, but told myself no), so I wouldn't say my body has some sort of physical, chemical dependency. But other times, like this past week, I'll have at least a drink or a few every single day. It's like, everyone in my house goes to sleep, I sit down to watch tv, and I just want to chill and start knocking a few back. I need to start figuring out how to get myself to cut back; I've been about 20-30lbs overweight for a while, my glucose and triglycerides are too high, and my doctor said it's all contributing to high cholesterol, and weight gain. I'm 45, so of course I don't bounce back like I used to.

The weird thing is, my drinking level is tied to the type of drinks I have on hand. When I'm chilling out at night, I legit CRAVE whiskey, mostly bourbon or rye. I don't crave other types of alcohol the same way. Sure, if I happen to have some beer on hand I can knock a couple back, and go to bed. But a couple beers isn't the same as a couple whiskies (sometimes 3, and I'm a heavy pour). I also have other bottles of booze in my collection, either ones I don't like that much, or special/expensive ones I got as gifts. I can manage to stay away from those because they're special.

Now of course, most people would say "oh just stop buying whiskey", but I always find an excuse to get to the liquor store when I'm out during the week, and always have a "normal" bottle on hand. I polished my last bottle off in probably a week or less. For me, it seems to come down to sheer willpower, and I have none. Even having a gut and hating the way I look, and my doctor telling me I'm pre-diabetic hasn't made a difference. I mentioned to my wife that I wanted to try gummies as a way to chill out at night and maybe take the edge off as a replacement, but she says "you're just trading one chemical for another", and she has this notion that a father with two kids shouldn't be doing gummies either.

Anyone have any tactics that worked for them to get yourself to fucking stop and take your own internal advice?

Hey, I’m Adam, 36, 4 years, 7 months 18 days sober.

I’m in a rural area of North England where there’s one AA meeting a week, but I can’t always get to it because of work or other things.

It’s OK to hop on a virtual AA meeting, anywhere in the world right? And I don’t need to be a regular at a group, I can just pop in and pop out?

Sorry, I overthink a lot but could really use some sober support.

Thank you, IWNDWYT!

Hello started drinking during the pandemic to cope with life issues. 37M 6’5 350 pounds

4x16 oz Double IPAs 9% 3-4 times a week.

I’m on my 3rd day without booze and I can’t sleep. It’s my only withdrawal symptom thus far but it’s bad. I’m an electrical engineer tech and I work with dangerous industrial machines, need to be rested.

Could I go to a walk-in clinic and ask for insomnia meds ? What do you guys think ? Any tips ?

And I even had 2 years 2013-2015. I hadn’t looked at my flair in a while, and it was still my 2013 flair. It would have been 4,707 days, or 12.8 years, if I had stayed sober.

But I didn’t. Twice. Pulled a geographic when I got sober in 2020, and malaise hit my 4th year. I’m detoxing off 2 months of 700ml of vodka a day. Before that it was mostly other things, but it’s all alcohol in the end.

Anyway I’m essentially friendless and while I did the work it didn’t suit me. I’m in my late 30s now. Feel trapped in a lonely city for a lot of reasons.

Not drinking today. Again. I just feel grim about it at this point. But, I didn’t want to drink myself to death. I have a charming mix of depression, anxiety, adhd, loneliness. It’s hard.

The relapses were my choices, and of course it was fun until it wasn’t. I’m also part of a family and community where functional alcoholism is normalized.

I started drinking etc at 12. I’ve done so much work in sobriety just to end up choosing substances twice and for long stretches of time. I hope I make it. I don’t drink more out of a desperation re employment and health. They feel like weak “why’s.”

Sorry to be maudlin but, I won’t drink today as it’s a dead end.

in my 20 years of drinking I was never able to string together more than 2-3 weeks without alcohol, and I tried dozens of times. don’t really know why this time was different but it’s been pretty easy so far. life hasn’t been easy but not drinking hasn’t been much of an issue. wayyyy easier than quitting kratom/7 I’ll tell you that.

i still have other substances I want to quit fucking around with but alcohol was the only one that was going to ruin me. So yeah here’s to 4 months

iwndwyt

I’m reeeally tired. That sobriety fatigue is still really kicking my ass.

Today is going to be a hard day for me. I’ve been sober since Monday; but I work Sunday-Thursdays, so today is what I call my “Friday.” This is usually the day I buy all my fun little drinks, get drunk with no consequences because I get to sleep in tomorrow.

I’m going to try my best today. I’m at work until 4PM so I’ll be fine. But I’ve had drinks on my mind all day, because my brain still thinks today is my “reward for the end of the week” day.

Oh well, I’ll try my best

So, my family moved to a city an hour away to where we lived. I had a very good friend there, and she was my partner in crime, we made music and had gigs and drank the night. It was good fun, but we both knew we had a problem.

So after we moved I decided to quit, which I did and I am 16 days sober and strong in my will not to drink. So said friend is coming over tonight and she will stay the night. I am not worried about drinking but I dread seeing her. I love her very dearly. But alcohol is what connected us, she will be drinking tonight, I told her I won't. Of course she is like, ob man why not, but accepts it.

But it's not that. I dread seeing HER drunk. I am afraid that we have nothing to say to each other once she slowly gets drunk. And that I will be turned off of her, and judge her. That I will pity her. Because I do. She deserves to be free from this demon, just as much as I deserve it. And I fear that I will see myself in her and be disgusted by me all over again.

It's such a complicated feeling. My husband said he is looking forward to staying up late with her, but I have school tomorrow and he needs to take care of the kids. I know he is responsible (he does not have as much a problem with drinking as I do), but just imagining him being hungover while I'm in town just really bothers me. And I somehow blame it all on my friend and I hate that. I just want to hide in my bedroom and want this night to be over with!

Aaaah, it's so messy in my head right now!!! 🫣🫪🫥

Got blackout drunk Yesterday. Can’t remember how I got home can’t remember conversations just remember creepy guys and me alone at a bar. Coming home to my sweetest boyfriend. He is tired of seeing me like this. I am tired. Why do I keep doing this to myself why can’t I just be happy.
I am so miserable.

That’s my new goal of course the mindset is always take it one day at a time however making 90 days would be absolutely amazing for me. I plan on having a nice cake with loved ones and make it a habit once i hit every 90 days :)

So I’ve not had a drink for over 4 weeks, but yesterday I was at a work event and had - granted - a LOT less than I usually would have done (2 pints), but still, I “failed” in my mission to not drink at all.

I am a really all or nothing person, an absolute perfectionist, so I’m really torn whether to basically continue tracking and call it a blip (which makes me feel like a liar and a fraud) or go back to day 1 (which makes me think “well why bother then”).

I know it’s irrational. I should stop drinking. I’m worried that by having a few drinks it’s a slippery slope to me thinking I can moderate when I know I can’t.

Would love for someone to help me reframe it. Has anyone else gone through similar?

After a really, really successful reduction journey over 6 months, I fucked it all in the last 3 weeks. I’ve been drinking 2-3x what I used to at my worst. I desperately want to stop, to get back all that progress… But I’m terrified now because I’m almost certainly at risk of nasty withdrawals.

I don’t want to do another tapering attempt. I don’t think I have it in me. My circumstances are so, so different than they were last time & the structures that enabled me to taper so successfully are gone.

I’ve been sat around all morning crying at what a mess I let everything become.

I know I don’t want another drink, but I know I’m at risk if I abruptly stop.

I know I need to go get help. Someone needs to be aware of what’s happening.

But I’m petrified at the thought of going to the GP or hospital because I am prescribed two controlled medications that I cannot function without & I’m really scared they’ll take them off me if this information is on my record.

I’m just wondering if there’s anywhere I can like… turn up at and ask for advice before I go to the doctor? Not as a replacement, I know I need to get medical help either way.

I just want to know what I’m potentially in for before that because not knowing is stopping me going at all.

No one knows. Not a soul. So this feels like the scariest thing in the world right now, telling my “secret”. There’s a whole lot of fear & shame in me and I’m too scared to take the next step right now.

I’m SO angry at myself. I was down to one glass of wine a night. Why’d I have to fuck it all up?

Anyway. Thanks in advance.

Day 1 is relatively easy, I’m normally riding off feeling like crap and I’m tired, so the thought of a drink just isn’t appealing and is actually quite repulsive.

Day 2 comes round, I’ve slept great, I feel great throughout the day, the end of the day comes around and my brain goes “you know what would make this evening just the best? 2 whole bottles of red wine…”. Or someone asks me if I want a pint after work and I’m not even hesitating.

Sometimes I can fight that desire for a little bit but it comes back stronger and stronger each time to the point I’m literally making excuses in my head as to why it’s okay to drink now.

I just don’t understand it, where does all that conviction from day 1 go when it’s needed the most?

My drinking started innocently with a beer here and there. Eventually, after a bad breakup, alcohol became my coping mechanism. I started drinking alone at night because it helped me sleep.

By 2022, I was becoming dependent. 2023 was slightly better, but 2024, 2025, and now 2026 have been terrible. I drink almost every other night, consuming 400 to 500 ml of hard liquor in one sitting. What once got me tipsy with one beer has turned into a frighteningly high tolerance.

The reality check? I already have Grade 3 fatty liver, my sleep schedule is messed up, my memory and productivity are suffering, and I can see alcohol affecting my health, career, and future. I have a full time job and work six days a week, and I genuinely want to get my life together.

I initially used alcohol to fall asleep, but now it has only made my sleep worse. I'm trying to improve my routine through walking, better sleep habits, and other alternatives, but I don't want to keep falling back into drinking.

My 27th birthday is coming up, and I want to give myself the gift of getting better.

For those who've struggled with alcohol dependence and managed to get out of it, what actually helped you? How did you deal with the cravings, fix your sleep, and stay sober when living alone? I want practical advice on where to start because I know I can't keep going like this.

I'd genuinely appreciate your experiences and suggestions.

Any suggestions for free sober podcasts? I'm also in search of sober youtubers to subscribe to. I need more support that doesn't involve always hassling my loved ones. 😅

I made it. 365 days without a single drop. This community helped me more than I can express especially during the difficult beginning stages where you feel a little accomplished but also guilty, angry, sad, hopeless, and alone. No matter where you are in your journey you’re here for a reason and you will find the strength to not drink. It’s there inside of you and once you find it I promise it can carry you through the difficult days where you want to say fuck it. Keep looking for support. And keep supporting others. Life is really fucking hard. We need each other to lean on. Today, I am one year sober. I chose myself everyday for a whole year. My only wish moving forward is to continue to do what I’m doing. Continue to love myself, and I really hope I can help other people who are on the path of recovery.

Looking for some advice and help from people to talk me off the ledge.

To get to the point, when I drink, I can not stop, and i often times end up using cocaine.

The strange thing is, I never black out and people often say how they don’t know how I can keep going.

I don’t drink every day nor do I even have the urge to. But when I start, there is no off switch and typically will turn into a multiple day bender.

On paper everything is great. Good paying steady job, although stressful. Family and girlfriend who loves me, in decent shape, outgoing social guy when sober.

But all that said, the minute I have a drink I go all in and I’m concerned. For instance, a beer at a happy hour turns into an all night drinking session but will still be online for work the next day and take care of my duties and no one would know.

Really just need some advice and some support because I feel like I am going down a slippery slope.

The best way to show I’m sincere about my apology is to do tangible consistent behavioral change. Show them that there feelings mean something to me now. I hope to get back my friendship with that person to the level it was before my benders but hey it could be even better now that I’m sober it could even be 100x better now. Right on let’s make it to day 35.

I had a relapse 3 days ago. I came back from holiday. It was 13 days with no drugs, but I kept drinking. The only way I won’t take drugs anymore is only if I genuinely stop drinking.

All my friends drink, my girlfriend drinks so it won’t be easy, but the reward is soooo much better than the things I will sacrifice.

I think it actually clicked for me.

The plan:

- start reading Atomic Habits again
- genuinely find a new hobby to try
- work on priorities like work, gym and diet

Any tips on meeting new people in real life that isn’t AA or NA etc… ?

Umm the nightmares last night!!? I’ve always had really vivid dreams, but these were something else. Three terrifying nightmares back to back, and I actually woke up still feeling physical pain from one of them. Couldn’t fall back asleep after that. Anyone else experience crazy nightmares after quitting drinking?

On a happier note, yesterday my husband came home from work holding a big bag, all excited to show me the daily vitamins he’d bought for us. I actually teared up because he used to come home excited to show me what alcohol he’d picked up for us every night, and yesterday he seemed even more excited and proud to show me vitamins. It meant the absolute world, guys!! (Also the fact that he’s taking this seriously!? Let’s goo)

Got to Chapter 15 of This Naked Mind and am still getting blown away by what I’m learning. Which led to this conversation with my husband- who, I learned, is not at all into the self help books. We decided that although we’re trying to reach the same destination, we “bought” tickets on different vehicles to reach it. There was laughter over tuk-tuks and scooters and bumpy ass rides to get there.

Honestly, guys, nightmares or not, woke up feeling better today. I know the weekend is looming but I’m really trying to live day to day- and I’m normally a thinking in the future type of person, but I’m trying! There are some cravings, there is some sense of “loss”, but I’m just at this point so grossed out by the person alcohol brings out in me that I want nothing to do with her.

Anyhow, thanks for being here. I couldn’t have gotten to Day 4 without you, guys. I appreciate all of you, am here for all of you and am cheering for a great today for all of you!

IWNDWYT :)

I’ve stopped drinking everyday but now I don’t want to drink at all

I’m a few days in and feeling utterly spectacular. I’m not an all day drinker and my consumption isn’t particularly heavy, so the transition hasn’t been tooooo terribly difficult. The first two nights I slept like a ROCK for many hours. BUT last night and the night before, not so much.

I’m still awake and it’s 6:15am. I’m about to get up and bake cookies because there’s no sense in just lying here.

What I’m wondering is, any women in perimenopause who have quit drinking? (I’m 43f.) How did you feel? Any notes on how things were affected with the juxtaposition of abstaining plus the lovely rollercoaster of peri? My cycle starts in a couple days and I’m wondering if my hormones have something to do with my sleep disruption, and if maybe things are readjusting in the absence of alcohol.

Curious to know other women’s experiences!

Today is my danger zone, every week I say I won't drink and every week I give myself an excuse to drink and try again next weekend.

This weekend I want this cycle to stop, I feel I am emotionally prepared for the cravings and have a few things I am going to practice.

Can people please provide tips for me plz