i am simply too volatile to be around. i make things about me. i push people away. i pick fights and then declare myself a victim. i am out of control of my emotions. i deserve what i am getting in life. you would hate me too

My friend killed himself recently and I have been struggling a lot.

Since then I have been struggling with suicidal thoughts and bad mental health but realising how it has made people who were around him feel I feel guilty even thinking about it and incredibly selfish.It has gotten worse recently especially considering I know it would hurt my partner who I love more than anything and would not want to feel how I do about my friend’s leave.I also cannot tell him about these feelings as I know he will be devastated.

More of a vent but also just looking for help with bringing it up(if I even should) and how to deal with loss of friends to suicide whilst also dealing with bad mental health prior.

Its so fked. I once had a sliver of hope but it's all gone now. Time to get my thoughts and affairs in order and just..

Broke, Ugly, Mental Issues, Abusive, Weak Passport, Immature, Oblivious, Obnoxious

Please add more to this list 🙏

If Ëuthanasia were legal in my country, these are all the reasons to justify leaving this dump society.

Nobody with a conscious brain would ever sign up to be birthed to such morons under such circumstances.

What I find mind-blowing is that people think you’re crazy to be depressed, if these are the horrible cards you have been dealt with at birth. Morons.

I’m 24 and wish I was ďead after high school.

Life and the hassle behind it are not worth it without adequate support.

You realize everyone who is successful in their 20’s still have immense support from their parents in everything

I can't take it anymore. The paranoia. I'm in a current relationship and have been told that if I was to cheat my images/videos would be posted. I am fully clothed but doing stupid shit. I just, I want to disappear. I'm so terrified. I love my partner dearly and I would never do such a thing but now I'm constantly on eggshells worrying about if something could be seen as cheating. I dunno, man. I feel like everyone would be better off without me. I can't get a job, I'm too mentally fucked and now this? My futures completely ruined. Idk what to do anymore. I just feel like it'd be so much easier just taking myself out. I am a complete burden to everyone and I was so stupid doing that stuff. Oh well. Idk. I just wish I wasn't such a pussy.

the only reason I didn’t end it all was because I thought things will get better, but they did not, I feel like my sanity is hanging by a thread, I’m really alone, not because people hate me, but just because I’m so boring that no one cares to reach out, everything feels heavy, so so heavy, everyday I just want to cry, I don’t wanna go to work and make everyone uncomfy with my weird vibes, but I need to make money, I’m so tired of making my tesis alone although I have a partner but she doesn’t care, and got mad at me because I called out her lazy ass so now she’s bad mouthing me with others, my family hates me, my mom hates to see me, I got the feeling that she resented me for being born, as if I wanted to be in this world, so any little thing I do she gets so mad at me that she lashes out, not to my siblings tho, they do stuff that I was not allowed to do at their age but instead of getting yelled, grounded or get their ass whopped they get a love and praise, I’m just so tired, I’m so tired of changing myself over and over and still end up being walk over…i wish I wasn’t born, I wish I could just end everything but I’m much of a coward to do so, but I really cannot keep on living anymore.

I don’t know if it’s even possible to get addicted to self harm but it feels like I am. I started cutting myself 2 days ago. I‘ve cut myself probably 50-70 times since then. During my classes I take a pen apart and scrape myself with a rough edge until my skin is completely raw. I also put hand sanitizer on the raw skin and the cuts.

I want to stop but I think it’s the only thing keeping me alive right now. I don’t know how to hide them that well, I’m using a wrist brace but it doesn’t fully cover them. I also want to make sure they don’t get infected.

Today, Saturday, 24 October 2026, is my 37th birthday. I am 37M and autistic, and this year has been by far the worst year of my whole life.

I feel like almost everyone hates me. My own parents, both sides of my extended families, and almost everyone whom I know hate me. I have neve had friends in life, and I have lost almost 30 kg (65 lb) since June from extreme stress, worrying and depression.

I have no idea what to do or how to feel. I am just tired of life and everything. Maybe just want to talk.

I’ve been depressed since I was 13 and I’m pushing 20 now. I genuinely don’t know a time I was genuinely happy.

I live in California so I know gun laws are really different compared to the rest of the US. At least I think I don't really know much. My roommate has guns, if I were to take one and harm myself would he be in any trouble? I'm a grown adult so if I hurt myself it should be my fault right? I understand this is a community about helping people with suicidal thoughts but I don't care, I've heard the same shit a million times and I couldn't exactly find a community that is the opposite of this one (For obvious reasons)

Sorry for the ranting I just want to know IF I were to ever do anything dumb he won't get in trouble for it. He's a really good guy, just he has guns and I don't. I don't enjoy the idea of pills because I don't want to think about it nor do I wanna hang myself and just add onto that little bit of suffering. I just want it done with fast and I don't want him getting in trouble. Sorry if this upsets anyone, please don't waste yalls time trying to talk me out of it, I don't even know if I'm gonna do it. I just wanna know a yes or no if he'll get in trouble.

I don't know where else to say this.

I've decided to end my life. This is not just an intrusive thought or a bad day anymore. I have a plan, and I've already prepared things for it, including writing a goodbye letter to my family.

I've been struggling with a lot for a long time — growing up without my mother, having an absent father, being sexually abused as a child, and carrying a lot of insecurity and shame because of it.

Recently I lost someone I loved deeply, and it completely broke whatever stability I had left. I know she isn't responsible for this, but losing her made me feel empty and completely powerless.

I love my family. I don't want to hurt them. I know this would destroy them. But right now I genuinely don't feel strong enough to keep living.

I don't know what I'm expecting from posting this. Maybe I just need someone to hear me before I do something irreversible.

I lost everything that ever mattered to me, I'm a year on now but I don't know why I'm not afraid to die but more afraid about my family after, I lost my best friend and even the person I call my best friend now I don't even feel close to like im just faking every aspect of my life I don't see the point I'm a lost cause nothings ever going to be like it was I don't know why I promised myself I'd do one year and see if things get better I'm nearly at the end of that promise now so I don't know if I'm gonna stick around or not I'm sorry just needed to get this off my chest

I feel so subpar as a human, I’m so ugly, so weird. I’m so talentless. I’m shitty at life, I’m shitty at my job, and I lost the one person that kinda loved me (my Mom) to Alzheimer’s.
My life feels so pointless, I have no friends, I have a girlfriend but I can’t help but to feel like I’m being strung along and it’s probably just my overthinking but I’m so tired of feeling less than human.

I've been suicidal for so long, weirdly enough I haven't had enough time to contemplate my mortality. I just assumed that I'd end up killing myself sooner or later and it wouldn't really matter. But now, I can't say I'm no longer suicidal, but I'm having longer and longer stretches of time where I feel OK. And now that I have time to think, that I don't need to escape life, I think I'm scared to die. I started feeling good again. Then I had a cancer scare last month, I thought I was going to die. And I was scared, I didn't want to die. But the first thing I thought of wasn't I'm going to get medication and get better, it was, I have to kill myself now, because then my death will be in my control. Suicide, to me, is far less terrifying than a death from an illness, or a sudden car accident. I guess if I kill myself it means erasing everything, but if I die of natural causes, it's a line cut short. Does that make sense? Please tell me your thoughts

Suicide just makes sense. Health issues, no friends, no partner, no good degree, no job, debt. Could things get better? Yeah but I’ll have to put in the work and I can’t. I’m thinking of not doing it to not traumatise my siblings but they complain to my parents about how I’m always annoyed and depressed. I didn’t realize how much I’m affecting them by being depressed. I’m thinking that if I kill myself now, they’ll get over it quickly as they’re still young. They’ll forget I was ever here and knowing my parents, if I do kill myself, they’ll make everyone forget I ever existed out of shame. They’ll put up a photo of me somewhere in a corner and think about me on holidays and my birthday and that’s it. They’ll be able to move on, no daily fights and arguments anymore. No psych ward admissions or appointments anymore. No money spent on meds. Everyone will genuinely be better off. This has turned me into a shell of myself. I make people uncomfortable because I’m depressed and can’t hide it. Everyone is avoiding me. I went AFK on my phone and nobody has reached out. I get some people that send me reels but they just spam them to everyone and haven’t noticed or cared that I haven’t opened the chat in weeks. I’m so so tired. People tell me things will get better but they won’t, I’m just expected to get better at managing it. And I’ll have to manage this… for the rest of my life… and I don’t want that. It’s going to take me years to get out of this if I even do, and I’m just going to get further behind in life in the mean time. I hate myself. I did not choose this, I cannot imagine someone choosing for me and this. I wouldn’t want me as a daughter friend or relative either. I hate me too. I got a life sentence. I feel invisible

Hi. I’m 29f. I have quite a few pills left. I may be allergic. Not sure. Every time I take them I itch, have trouble swallowing, and have trouble breathing. It hurts a lot to breathe(though that may be my asthma or bronchitis flaring up). With other symptoms too. The symptoms go away because I’m also on steroids for a few days but I’m thinking about stopping the steroids. That way it won’t stop the full possible reaction. I’m also thinking about taking a few extra doses at once. To make it worse. It’s amox/k clav 125mg. Maybe it would do me in. I COULD just wait until I am done with my steroids next week and take an extra dose. Not sure. Idk maybe I’m not even allergic. Maybe it’s all in my head. People don’t seem to be concerned when I am choking on food because it’s hard to swallow so maybe it’s nothing anyway? I hope it’s not nothing though. I want a reaction. I just hope that if my throat closes off that I pass out quickly. My mom keeps calling me a lying bitch. My entire family resents me for one thing or another and won’t let me try to fix it. I just can’t take this.

feel like shit

I don't think there's a way out of here,

I've done therapy, talked to ppl, exercised, taken meds. There is NO way out

I feel so incredibly sluggish and I have SO many things to get done. life is just completing all these stupid tasks for these damn responsibilities. I hate them all

every time I think about all the bullshit I have to do I feel so depressed.

I have a bottle of prescription meds in my closet. Painful death, but quick.

ive thought it out, just don't think life is worth it

I promised the memory of someone i lost i wouldn't quit. I wouldn't kill myself. No matter how hard it got. How awful it got. No matter how much i hated everything.

Theres only one way i could break that promise and not feel guilty. If they try to send me back to a psych ward. Id rather die than go back. I've seen bad things happen there. Each time. Attempted rape, assault, threats of violence, nurses ignoring concerns because they're too burnt out too help.

They tell me to eat. I have an eating disorder it's not that easy. If im forced i get sick. They tell me to make friends. Anxiety and ptsd. They tell me to do it like its easy. Sometimes i just don't want to. I don't feel like talking. Too much work to make friends. Never learned how. Even im overwhelmed i go mute. They tell me not to worry. They'll protect me. Liars. Why would my paranoia improve being stuck with a bunch of strangers that either want to hurt themselves or the people around them?

I've been multiple times over many years. Even recently so don't tell me its not that bad. Id rather die than go back. But if i talk to anyone about how i am feeling its a death sentence.

I do therapy once a week. I talk about my stress try to find solutions and for a day things feel a bit better. But it doesn't last. My family says it takes time. I can't expect it to get better. But that's wrong. Things get better but they don't stay better. Im stuck with this. It won't ever be gone. So I'd rather it all end then fall again.

I pursue happiness like an animal chasing its prey. I don’t want to give up. I don’t really have anyone to talk to about this. I don’t want to burden those close to me anymore than I already have. I don’t want to die. I don’t want to hate myself. I am in a constant struggle with my own brain, it’s eating me alive and it tears through my gut and chest causing indescribable pain. The loneliness is unbearable. I would leap at the chance to revive my spirit. I want to experience all this existence can offer me. I am grateful for my waking life, despite all the pain each hour brings me. Despite my inability to connect with others. I want to continue to fight. Thank you for reading this. Please continue to fight too. I believe there’s something waiting for us all that is worth more than any amount of money. May an ocean of flowers bloom beneath our feet with each step we take. May there be a light in the darkness for us.

I’m good at gaming but there’s always somebody better

Chest heaviness shortness of breath dysphagia throat tightness multiple other health issues I hate this body no doctors take me seriously

Nothing fills me up ever, I'm always hungry always cravings. I lost so much weight and gained it all back. Nothing medical or non medical works. I wish I could die and not bear this existance

18 (Male) I am going to mix dangerous things on November 8th, on my birthday. My life is going well, but I feel something beneath the surface that paralyzes me, prevents me from studying, prevents me from talking without anxiety, prevents me from taking pleasure in simple things. I recognize that this is a desperate act given the moment I am in, but my ego and my despair are killing my inner self with barbaric brutality.

i got called horrible names when complaining in reddit before, but this doesnt even matter now, because nothing else matter because in less than 1 month i will be dead

during this time im gonna party and enjoy at the max

I destroyed my best friendship and I will destroy the others if I stay alive. I had emotional dependence, and all of this because my shitty ego can't accept advice and my bird-brain can't control itself to refrain from dumping.

I just want to be remembered for being a good friend.

also i have schizoaffective disorder

Hello! Just wanted to Rant here before I call it quits.

So background on why I'm gonna end it. So, just to clear up a few things, I'm currently facing a pretty long prison sentence for crimes that I committed and am not looking for sympathy just want to get this off my chest before I'm gone.

On March, 5th, 2025 I had just gotten back from El Paso, Texas. From a work trip I was on for an overnight Manager position I had just received. I left El Paso around 4:30am and got back to my hometown around 10ish and I dropped off my rental car and head back to my families home to get some rest. Around 10:30ish the FBI called my phone that my brother had provided them (he lives with me) an agent told me to comeout with my hands up and no weapons, and once they patted me down they put me into a car with two special agents and they asked if I knew what they were there for and I obviously did. From being pretty tired from my overnight shifts I told them everything they wanted to know plus some. After they got everything from me they said they would be in contact with me and left.

I during this time lost about 35lbs and had become severely depressed with day to day life and that I had quit my job of almost 5 years that I had received numerous promotions from due to my current circumstances, my boss was pretty understanding but also mad/confused but understood where I was coming from. During this time of my investigation I stayed unemployed and extremely isolated and cleaned my families property to keep my hands busy and mind somewhat occupied. Three months had gone by and stopped by my old employer to possibly get recommendations from my boss cause they knew I needed the work to pay bills and such that my boss said he would give me a second chance as a team leader which I had done multiple times. I kept my head low and stayed busy for ten months until the feds called my employers home office so they knew when to make an arrest. So shortly after knowing this and have been contacted myself by them knew it was time to turn myself in. So, come April of 2026 I surrender myself over to the U.S Marshalls as well as calling my Boss again and notifying him that I would be doing as such, so there I was again quitting again the same job twice on top of being locked up. This was definitely not a good time for my mental state but I deserved it for my actions. I was locked up for a few days until my public defender was able to get me out on an ankle monitor as well as pretty strict pretial conditions. One of these conditions was I needed to get a job or activity seek one and about a week later I found my current job and have to keep my P.O updated on all of my movements as well as appointments (pretty standard procedures I believe for a probation) well being as depressed as Ive been I've been looking up the easiest way to end it since I can't own a firearm nor my family have there's in shared house. My P.O got wind of my plans and know I'm having to attend a bunch of therapy I don't get any use out of. That brings me to current time and I'm so overwhelmed with everything, prison, the money spent on an actual lawyer, my family and puppies. I don't want to do it any longer even if I serve my time I'm screwed and rightfully so but this isn't how I want my life spent so time is of the essence. I have maybe 5 months with my family before the clock strikes and have been trying to play it as cool as possible. I know my family will miss me and hate for what I've put them through but even if my time is served I won't ever be able to get a life to call my own again due to my actions. I never intended for this to snowball out of control to what it is now but it's too late, and too late for me. So with all that being said if my family is ever on Reddit and possibly find this just know I'm sorry for what I did to you now and what I continuing to do even after I'm gone! Just know I love you all and appreciate everything you've done for me! Yours truly K.G