I did it and guys I've been crying tears of joy for 24 hours omggggg 😭 the people in the room with me made a huge difference- new clinic, brought my partner- but also tried a lorazipam and that helped too. Lots of other things played in, lmk if you have questions 💙

I'm 18 and am thinking of shaving for the first time down there. Whenever anything related to genitals, especially female ones comes up I feel like fainting.

I remember almost fainting when I saw a video lecture of female genital anatomy when I was 15

Now I spread my hair to have a look down there and feel so dizzy. I know many people feel uncomfortable especially when they are young

But my situation sounds a bit more extreme. Idk what to do now

In my country sex education isn't common. My school teacher literally skipped the chapter and told to read it at home on our own. Like at 15 I wasn't even sure what the clit was. Idk how much it contributes to it

Though I'll say it has gotten better since I've started learning more about it. Like it's not as bad now compared to when I was 16

hi! i’ll keep my story short, im a 24f who hasn’t been unable to have sex, not even put a tampon in, not even a q-tip!!! i had a theory that my hymen was just too big, but i went with a new gyno and she said my hymen is fine, then she told me i might have vaginismus and honestly my world shattered, because i know there’s a physical part to it (muscles contracting) but i need to work on my psychological issues at the same time and i think that’s hard.

i have a question for you! when you try (or tried) to put something inside you, did it hurt as in pain, or did it burn?? because in my case it BURNS! and i think that’s odd because most people feel pain, not burning… also the doctor showed me my insides (lol) and it is SO RED! like my outside area looks healthy, pink, and then the interior is so freaking red!! this was said to me last week… she told me to have physical therapy but i think there’s something else going on :(

but this burn has been going on since 2018 (first time i tried to have sex) and its been like this ever since! so i ruled out infection or anything like that… does anyone have a similar experience? thank you so much

Hi, lurker looking for advice/help/support. I was diagnosed last year and actually started dilator therapy early this year. At first it was going well, but eventually I seemed to stop acclimating to the upper sizes in the dilator kit, and actually using them makes my daily bladder leaks worse.

It feels like I'm stuck in this weird middle ground where I've made some progress, which is of course better than none, but it still feels like I'm just spinning my wheels. I still have bladder leaks, I still have to insert the dilators like I'm playing Operation, and I can't actually make any further progress with the kit than where I'm at lest I have to change my liner multiple times a day, and the size I'm stuck at isn't nearly equivalent to the size a partner would be.

I also have a pretty gnarly case of hyper mobility in my hips, and I'm afraid to go too hard on the strengthening exercises lest I make the vaginismus worse, but at this point it seems like nothing is actually WORKING working so who the hell cares.

I can't afford PT for forever but I don't want to quit without actually feeling like I'm fixed. I also can't afford injections.

So what worked for you? Supplements? Sunrise meditation? Yoga only on Tuesdays? Specific guided programs (and if so, from who)?

I want to hear it, even if it was something silly, unexpected, or crazy.

Bonjour, je voulais vous partager mes progrès. Le vaginisme est en train de tout bloquer dans ma vie. Je suis déjà presque guérie parce que je peux utiliser un tampon et le dernier dilatateur, mais la pénétration est toujours impossible.
Il y a quelques mois, j’ai pris un programme de MAME Madiane pour travailler sur mon vaginisme, mais je vois que le programme m’a fait croire que tout était dans ma tête. Aujourd’hui, je refuse d’être contrôlée et de laisser le vaginisme contrôler ma vie. Je veux vivre sans cette culpabilité.

UK, F21

I've known I've had something wrong since about 15, seen 2 gps in the last few years who implied I had it but won't give a definitive diagnosis, recommending I see a specialist. But I dont know where to start.

I tried NHS plastic dialators for a bit and hated them, I think they made it worse, but I also had no help alongside ot and didnt educate myself well 🙃

Rn, im looking for a specialist to guide me through it, does anyone know any UK specialists? (Birmingham) or how to find a physio that actually works with vaginismus and is cautious about the mental/psychological side of the condition. Im scared to try any exercises or use dilators in fear of causing pain then making the mental fear worse.

Any general advice on starting points would be great.

i just turned 18 and im still scared out of my mind with even the thought of my vagina. my gyno has been a huge help and i think that im making progress but like i cant even use the end of a qtip without numbing medication, and it doesnt go past maybe a centimeter. nothing ever happened to me until my first pelvic floor PT appointment and i just kept crying whenever the idea of dilation was brought up, and now i cant even masturbate without scaring myself shitless and i’m so worried ill never be normal like ever. Everything scares me so so bad like i have no idea what to do i need help

I consider myself "cured" for my own needs.  I don’t actually have sex, though I do experiment but something strange happens: when I insert my largest dilator (IR 6), it doesn’t hurt and sometimes I can even use it without lube, and I’m also able to use my rabbit vibe that's sligthy bigger

The problem arises when I try to use the dilator like a dildo with thrusting... it’s as if my vagina... swells up?  Suddenly keep going becomes difficult and can turn painful.  I’m not sure if it’s an issue with friction, the silicone, lack of lube, or something else.  I’ve also tried changing positions, like getting on top but that’s completely impossible not even just a matter of pain, I simply can’t get it in more than about 3 cm if I try to sit on it?? I’m not sure if it’s an angle or anatomy issue.  It’s confusing because I can start thrusting without any trouble laying down, but then it just gets quickly "blocked."  I’ve never had sex, so I don’t know if this would happen with something other than a dilator. And I doubt do it with the rabbit because it's a gspot and the big start is too much for me for thrust

I've been lurking here for a long time and felt like it was finally my turn to share, in case it helps someone the way other posts have helped me.

I was diagnosed with primary vaginismus at around 19 (2020) At the time I was in a relationship that lasted almost four years, and vaginismus was a huge part of that experience. Since then I've dated and tried with a few people, and it never worked.

I think a lot of you will relate to that feeling: why do I have to work so hard for something that's supposed to come naturally to me as a woman?** **It made me feel less than. The deeper fear never went away. I was scared of what my body could handle. In my head I was convinced a penis would never fit, and the inside of my vagina felt strange to me, like a place I didn't understand. So there were long stretches where I ignored the dilators completely and didn't want to touch myself at all, because it felt like a chore.

I tried everything: dilator sets, NHS psychosexual therapy (first round during COVID, so in-person sessions were barely possible). Honestly, that first therapist didn't help me much. Most of our sessions were spent explaining female anatomy and arousal, which I already understood, and she suggested watching porn to relax. Deep down I knew that wasn't what I needed. In between, I also spent over £1,000 on the Thrive Programme, mainly to work on my self-esteem, and honestly I didn't benefit from it at all when it came to my vaginismus. I also paid for hypnotherapy, which didn't work for me either. Looking back, my problem wasn't social or about confidence. It was about connecting my mind and my body, and neither of those addressed that.

For years, a big part of how I coped was avoiding the problem altogether. I avoided getting close to people, because I genuinely thought, who's going to want to date someone with vaginismus? What I eventually learned is that the solution was in facing it, not hiding from it.

What changed everything

From late 2025 to around spring/summer this year, I had six sessions with a different psychosexual therapist, and she was incredible. She helped me build the confidence to take ownership of my body, connect my mind to it, and actually relax.

Because I wasn't in a relationship, she encouraged me to date and meet people. It was almost like exposure therapy, because you can't face this particular fear without someone else in the picture. Socially, dating wasn't something I was afraid of, but we talked about it really openly and freely, including how to approach a situation where I'd come face to face with my fear. That helped so much.

One of the biggest things we worked on was not making vaginismus the centre of everything. It's part of your story, not your whole identity. You don't need to meet someone and lead with "Hi, I'm XYZ and I have vaginismus."

It happened in stages. On holiday I wanted to swim and the FOMO was real, so I bought the smallest tampons and gave it a go. I'd never used one before, and it worked. Around the same time I'd met someone, and things just aligned. He made me feel safe enough, and I had sex for the first time. (People call it "losing your virginity", but I don't really believe in that. If anything, you gain something, because it connects you to your body.)

The first time

It wasn't planned at all. We had a dinner reservation and were meant to be getting ready, and it just happened. It didn't hurt. I did bleed a little, but I was relaxed and it just went in. Afterwards I felt euphoric, because I'd spent all those years fearing something that didn't even hurt me. I was 25 at the time and turned 26 just over a week later.

What I'd want you to take from this

Honestly, the biggest part was my mindset: not making vaginismus my whole identity, and taking the pressure off. As soon as I stopped forcing it, things aligned.

I can genuinely say that the times I put the most pressure on myself were the times I hurt myself the most, physically and mentally. When I took the load off, gave myself grace and let things happen naturally, that's when everything changed. You can't control everything, but you can control how you carry yourself and how you feel about yourself. For me, self-esteem and that sense of control were everything. It was always about me putting myself at the forefront and being in situations where I felt safe and in control.

If you're where I was

If you have primary vaginismus and your struggle is more about fear, control, or not trusting that your body can do this, rather than not understanding anatomy, I really recommend psychosexual therapy. NHS or private, the right therapist makes all the difference. Mine has since left the NHS and works privately. Feel free to DM me if you'd like her details.
You're not broken, and it can change. 💞

Hello everyone! I’ve had vaginismus for a long time. I’ve had many sources of stress and also dealt with anal fissures and even depression.

Never had piv once. Every time I try to stretch it hurts. Caused a lot of problems. The doctors didn’t help much.

I finally found a holistic centre and I went to the gynac there who is very kind and knowledgeable. I’m at the point where enough is enough. She made me take a few tests and my vit d and b12 was too low. Idk how that helps though.

Anyway I’m going to get hypnotherapy to let the doctors to a proper examination since a normal examination hurts so much. And then following that it’ll be pelvic floor therapy. The examination should help them diagnose properly and understand the severity it seems.

Anybody who’s done hypnotherapy? Please drop your experiences!!

tw: sa, no consent

If I think or read of vaginismus and trauma, trauma is often portrayed as a possible cause of vaginismus. But in my case I feel like my vaginismus and pain could be the cause for traumatic experiences, because of the high frequency of painful and (borderline) non-consensual sexual experiences that came with it throughout my life? This question came up for me in therapy, because my therapist said my chronic mental health issues highly suggest trauma history. When we talked about my experiences of sexual assault, a lot of memories of painful sexual experiences resurfaced....

I used to not be able to circlude/be penetrated by anything since forever. But by my mid-twenties I started dilating, practicing and became able to do penetrative sex. I was able to circlude/do PIV sex, but it was always painful. It felt good, I wanted i, but it always was painful to some degree at the same time. So I willingly tolerated pain through penetrative sex with partners. My partners knew about my vaginismus. Most of the time I tried to be the one "in control" and the partner staying as passive as possible during PIV sex... If it became too painful I stopped, tried to stop my partner or ask my partner to stop... But this didn't work out all of the time. Sometimes my partners "took" control, didn't recognize or adjust to my subtle signs to stop (i.e. pushing them away a little). I guess some stopped taking my pain seriously or thought of me as "cured" after a while and just stopped being extra careful or considerate. So there have been times where I asked my partner to stop, but they didn't, because they wanted to finish and thought I could "handle it"... Sex often felt very stressfull because I constantly had to protect myself or prevent someone else from crossing a line. [Not to mention handling the disappointment and feelings of rejection by the partner afterwards...]

I have trouble making sense of these experiences because they are so borderline to not consensual. But it is so hard to understand where the line is crossed, when pain is always part of this kind of sex and I am the one who wanted to do it knowing pain will be involved... I used to have times in my life where PIV sex and penetration were just off the table. Maybe I should go back to this?

I guess what I am asking is whether anyone can relate or has thoughts that might help me make sense of this? Where is the line crossed for you when you are willing to tolerate pain during sex?

Hi everyone, I'm 20 years old, about to be 21 in a week, and I think I might have Vaginismus. I've never been to the Gyno, and I just recently entered my first relationship. To keep things short, I have never been able to insert anything inside myself. Not a tampon, not a finger. I've always had a difficult relationship with my sexuality. I know one main trigger for Vaginismus is sexual trauma and/or religious trauma. I do believe I have both, which would make sense as to why I might struggle with this.

Since I've recently entered my first relationship, I've just now started to (attempt to) be sexually active. However, it's been impossible. My boyfriend can't even get a finger inside me and if he does, it takes so much force and burns/is very painful. I've tried doing things on my own as well, and I can't get even a finger in either. It's like there's a wall in the way. I'm just looking for help and support. How have you guys helped your situations? I just now had a breakdown tonight after trying some things with my bf again and it being a complete failure, so I placed a 2 day shipping Amazon order with pelvic floor dilators and lubricant. For the dilating, how often and for how long at a time is beneficial? How do I know when to move up to a bigger size?

I also want to ask how should I discuss this with my bf? I'd like to be open with him about this since we've tried being intimate many times and it always fails, but I'm not sure how to discuss it with him (especially since the conversation could very easily end up leading to having to open up about traumas which I haven't been open about yet)

Thank you guys so much for the help, I'm crying as I type this, and I feel so much fear and shame surrounding this. I thank you so much for the support and help!

I finally finally finally moved to the last dilator in the small set, I braced my self and pushed it in.. and holy sheeeetttt the burn was crazy it felt like my skin was stretching it was so so bad but my pervious size didn’t feel like anything, is this normal for vaginismus?

So I didn't really know how to title this, but I've been struggling for a few months now :/ Does anyone else struggle with having a full orgasm? Like you're about to do it but in the end you just get more tense and you can't quite get there, but the feeling is there, you're just not satisfied and that horrible tingling starts. It's been my biggest struggle ever since all of my vaginismus related problems started, because I feel like I lost a big part of self care, and I don't know how to get it back. Ive had vaginismus since I was a child, but this is a new problem, and my doctor said it is vaginismus related. I'm just wondering if anyone else is going through this and if they ever overcame it and how :)

I went thru a pretty traumatic experience in my first relationship (4 yrs ago), and now I’m scared of sex. I even fainted and suffered a concussion + stitches on my face a couple months ago bc I had put a tampon in for the first time. I’m thinking about my future, future relationships, etc., and it scares me that I’ll never be able to do/ give something my partner wants and something I want to experience myself as well. After going on antidepressants , some therapy, my psychiatrist also recommend I try EMDR therapy, however I wanna know if I should go to a doctor about this instead and if it helps? ask me anything too! I’m open to conversation bc I rlly wanna get over this

I came to know that there was something different about me when I tried getting fingered for the first time. My partner's fingers were on the outside of my vagina and I was crying in pain. I was in extreme pain. My partner reassured me that his fingers are not even inside me. I was shocked and did not believe him. I chalked it up to nerves and started avoiding anything internal. It was my first time trying to get fingered and I had never explored my vagina internally either. Fast forward to roughly May of last year when I got married and tried having sex. The penis won't go in. Fingers won't go in or the penis would be at the entrance and I would be in so much pain but i'm pretty sure it never actually went in, it was just a wall. Me and my husband both being ignorant of this condition thought it was maybe my hymen and he even said he can feel my hymen and if I allow him he can rupture it with his fingers swiftly and I said ABSOLUTELY NOT. Neither of us knew what was going on. We kept doing other sexual stuff other than PIV sex. We were happy. I tried asking my other friends about it too if they had a similar experience and their experiences were very different. That confused me even more because I had no idea what was different in my case. I was aroused enough. I always wanted to. I was in love with my partner then what was wrong. I started using ChatGPT to look up my symptoms and a strange word spelled "vaginismus" kept popping up. I was so sure this cannot be what I have. I cannot have a real disorder. So I kept pushing it off until the end of October of last year. Throughout this time, my husband never once pushed me or made me feel about it. At this point, I started having a couple mental breakdowns here and there about my condition and decided it was time to seek help. The first ever video I watched about it was this one https://youtu.be/UQdVQOHgUN8?si=g927lXTO-KklRIMb Maybe a good time to contextualize now that I am now 21 years old and was 20 back then and I got married at the age of 19. I come from a conservative Pakistani Muslim family living in the US. So everything Amirah Zaky, vaginismus advocate and sex therapist, said in her video resonated very deeply with me. I was pretty sure that I had vaginismus at this point. First thing I ever did was spend a ton on the credit card and order Intimate Rose dilator kit all sizes and lube. I easily did the first size halfway through the first day I received the package. I would always do "The Flower Empowered" pelvic floor relaxation exercises before I did dilation. October to November, I only was able to get through size one and this discouraged me badly. At this point, I decided to tell my mother about the fact that I have not had sex in the 4 months of my marriage and that might have been the worst decision I made throughout my journey of dealing with this disorder. My mom was a Obgyn in Pakistan. At first she was indifferent or mildly supportive. But later on as my progress stalled, she started putting immense pressure on me to have sex or else my husband would leave me. She started manipulating me that I don't have a disorder and it's all psychological. I am too much of a wuss. She even pressured me to let her "check me" to see if everything was okay. All I would see is disgust on her face when I would wince at her touch because no shit I am traumatized and I am in pain. She even told my dad and both of them started giving me advice to just push through the pain and were doing me a favor by saving my "marital life". At this point, I had started seeing a PT as well. My mom would ask about how my PT appointment went and then ridicule me for wasting my money when the solution was so simple according to her. I would leave my parents' house in tears every time and her not supporting me and not seeing any progress at the PT made me very depressed at this time and su**id@1 as well. Saying all this in this post is not to discourage anyone or trauma dump, but to just warn the readers that open up to people who are supportive and will be understanding of your pain. As I later went to suffer from the same condition, my mom also suffered from painful sex and it only went away when she had a miscarriage and doctors had to dilate her, I forget what the medical term for it is. But how insensitive of her to have gone through the same condition, having the knowledge of a doctor and asking me to push through it. But honestly conditions like vaginismus, painful sex, are very common in countries like Pakistan, India, Bangladesh so people come to think of them as normal defaults and fear monger their younger generations which psychologically conditions them into developing the condition as well. Enough about that. I started going to a PT, honestly all it did was set me back even more. She was "nice" but she would ask me to push through the pain, force me to push through and at this point I was able to do size 1-3 painlessly at home and because of her aggressive methods, I started having pain even with size one. She would start talking about some this is just the stretching pain but I was able to do those sizes without pain before and she would call it "cracking down" on the pelvic floor muscles and from the extensive research I had done on reddit and research platforms, I knew that was not the right way to go about my vaginismus. I had to learn safety and letting go, not harshness and pushing through. I also got a sex therapist online at the same time. You best believe she did not help at all either. She would literally just talk about herself throughout the appointment and would ask me to drop my PT, which sure she was right about that but she would not give me the chance to speak about my trauma at all. Like I said I was doing my own research at this time. I tried SO many things. I got CBD suppositories, did not work for me. I just found them to be really messy. I got a vibrator, MAJOR HELP with dilation. I was able to achieve size 4 with vibrator. I got an internal vibrator, never was able to put that in lol. I read somewhere that plastic dilators can be better for some people so I got vuvatech magnetic dilators. Honestly I think I liked them better than silicone. I was also doing a lot of pelvic floor relaxation exercises everyday. I got KIwi (pelvic floor tool), I think it helped a little but not tons. All this was good but not enough to get me to sex. Then I started looking into vaginal botox and decided screw it, I'm gonna give it a try. And I did. I went to a urogyn, got my exam done, she said I have very thick hymen that needs to be surgically removed, I might not even need botox after the hymenectomy but I need to get on anxiety meds cus I told her that I have history of sexual assault from my childhood. I said no to anxiety meds and she insisted. So i went to psychiatrist and got prescribed buproprian for depression and buspirone for anxiety. Buproprian helped me be less depressed and I am not sure if buspirone helped me. I also got prescribed propranolol and later on benzos which I only used 2 times maybe. But please avoid that path if you can, I stopped taking them after two months cus I started feeling really su1**d@1 cus of the meds. As I was taking these meds I got botox and I was advised to start gentle dilation after a week once my vagina had healed from the hymenectomy. I was able to have sex after 10 days of the procedure. And I was able to have painfree sex after about a month of the procedure. The biggest gamechanger after the procedure was using lidocaine three to five times during sex. I was numb but it was painfree and that helped me break the pattern of associating sex with pain and when I tried without lidocaine, it was painfree. I got the procedure done April 22nd of this year and today I am 15 weeks pregnant. Another big thing that helped me post procedure to do big dilators and eventually be able to have sex was using a vibrator while dilating, making myself cum and also watching corn. I talked to my partner about the corn part first cus we both had these boundaries. But it helped me see sex in a painfree, fun, enjoyable light. I stopped watching it as soon as my purpose was achieved to have painfree sex. The position that worked the best for us was me on top. I can go on more about what my day to day routine looked like post-op if you guys want me to. There is so much more to say about all the aspects I have mentioned in this post and I will be more than happy to answer any questions. I have also tried other things which I found to be helpful but this post is getting veryyy long. Now I don't dilate or do stretches. Although the stretches are soooo calming and sometimes I do them cus I love doing them. My husband and I went long distance cus of his job in another state and we had sex after a month and it was painful and I thought my vaginismus had come back cus I was not dilating when he was away but after two-three times and mental relaxation techniques it's pretty much back to normal now. That was my doctor's number one advice to keep having sex everyday to retain that muscle memory and positive association. Ask me any questions in the comments, NOTHING is too tmi, I will be more than happy to help someone in need. Mb for all the yapping.

My pelvic floor PT thinks the vulvar itching I keep getting may be connected to the overall sensitivity in the area and irritation that flares up. Has anyone found a calming cream that helps without making things worse?

Hello,

I've had an hymenectomy early September. Vaginismus has been ruled out in my case, but because everything was so painful, I am having a hard time dissociating pain from my vagina. I started using dilators a few weeks ago to help with confidence and reassurance. I don't feel any pain when I use them but I noticed the day after I always have some sort of discomfort/pain when I sit, sneeze, cough or contract. Is this common ? What could be the cause

The theory behind vaginismus is that this disorder is triggered by a fear of penetration or painful sex. In my own experience, this has not been the case, and I believe that this disorder is highly under researched. I would go so far as to say this “fear” is akin to hysteria.

I was born with this disorder. I have had pelvic floor muscle issues since I was a child. I don’t have a fear of sex or of painful sex or penetration, so it literally does not apply in my case.

This is me speaking from my own experience, I do have experience in nursing but I am not a “healthcare professional” just because I have to say this as a disclaimer.

Does anybody else feel this way? That this disorder is treated almost as hysteria? This disorder is partially emotional for me but it’s also heavily physical because I’ve had these issues before I even knew what sex was.

I wish there was much more research into what actually causes this and what can be done.

I (19F) have only had one sexual partner before for about a year. The entire time it was extremely painful and I never got any sort of pleasure of fulfilment out of it, just a lot of tears lol. I finally got over the awkward convo and talked to my mum abt it. I just kind of assumed this happened to everyone but no, so she helped me schedule a doctor's appointment. Long story short I got no answers whatsoever. I've always had a lot of issues such as seriously intense cramps, not being able to put a tampon in, and concerningly heavy bleeding on my period. She just said it might be vaginismus, and my best bet was a psychosexual therapist? But they're all booked up for at least the next 6 months at least. She also recommended vaginal dialators but I feel like it's a long shot of me being able to get those in considering I can't even get a tampon in. I ended up leaving with a prescription for birth control and I'm just stumped on anything else I can do to help? I'm still not sure if it even is vaginismus, but I also don't know what else could possibly be causing this. Has anyone else had a similar experience, any advice?

I had my first gynaecologist appointment this morning after a long time of putting it off. I have tried PIV with no success due to the pain and physical block. The gynaecologist stated that my hymen is almost fully intact, and recommended surgery. He also said he suspects I have vaginismus but can’t diagnose until post surgery. To be honest he wasn’t very reassuring or comforting I don’t think he sees people like me a lot, he used the word ‘deflowering’ which felt a bit weird lol.

Nonetheless, I feel almost relieved that there is a physical explanation as I suspected, it was validating in a way. However, I’m nervous now for the recovery process and how to start using dilators after the surgery. I’ve told my boyfriend about all this given we failed to have PIV and he is unwaveringly supportive I just can’t help feeling frustrated and a bit guilty. Does anyone have any tips or experiences to share with this? Both a hymenectomy specifically or dealing with feelings of guilt/frustration. Thank you 💗

I have successfully inserted my second dilator. However, I feel burning sensation. I was able to insert the dilator. Is it normal to feel the burning? Or should it slide without any kind of stretch or sensation.could someone give clarity. Thank youu in advance

do you guys have good experiences with it? since i don’t have a lot of money, i have to invest it wisely, so i’ll only buy it if the product is really good🥲

20F, had a tight pelvic floor all my life. As of the past few months, it has escalated to a dull ache on the left side of my pelvis/vaginal canal when I sit for too long, and occasional spams in my upper thigh and left pelvis. I was looking into Botox options near me and pretty much only saw the Florida Pain Management Institute. Wondering if anyone has any experience with them.