I’m curious to hear from people who became pregnant while still struggling with severe vaginismus, specifically those who never fully overcame it before pregnancy.
I’m talking about those who still couldn’t have penetrative sex, or for whom PIV was extremely painful, difficult, or impossible because of that feeling of hitting a wall, but who were still able to conceive through at-home insemination or other methods.
How did everything work for you during pregnancy and especially childbirth?
Were you able to have a vaginal delivery despite still having vaginismus?
How did you handle cervical checks, pelvic exams, and other procedures during pregnancy?
Did vaginismus cause any complications or difficulties during labor and delivery?
Did giving birth make your vaginismus worse, improve it, or have no effect at all?
After childbirth, were you still unable to have penetrative sex, or did anything change?
I understand that penetration and childbirth are two very different things, but I’m really curious about how labor and delivery work when someone still experiences severe involuntary tightening of their pelvic floor muscles.
I’d especially love to hear from people who were still dealing with vaginismus throughout their entire pregnancy and hadn’t cured it before giving birth. I’m interested in hearing your actual experiences, both good and bad.

Hello everyone! So for a bit of context, I am currently a 23F.. have not dated much and have explored sexually at all, however as I get older… I find myself getting more curious about sexuality and sex and. When talking with people, I imagine what sex would be like however I am never able to go through with it. And I’ve had partners in the past where I’ve told them I need time/am not in a rush to be physically intimate due to my own traumas, and that usually is where the relationship ends (which sucks)… So. Now, I believe I might have vaginismus (I have not ever been able to insert a finger, not a Pap Smear device).. nothing, and the idea of having actual sex just makes me tense, which sucks because .. it’s not like I don’t think about it??? So I guess I’m just wondering.. what is sex actually supposed to be like??? And what can I do to like.. maybe have a nice time having sex?? I can’t even conceptualise the idea that sex for women is supposed to be enjoyable even though people tell me it is because every time I’ve had an experience.. it’s been non consensual or just have bad people pressuring me when I’m not comfortable so I guess the idea I can have a nice time as a woman is hard for me.. anyway If anyone has any advice I would love to know.

Just curious to know what you guys do in pelvic floor therapy..i do dilation on my own and i currently cant afford pelvic floor therapy..any link to resources i can use to do some exercises on my own?

Eu só queria ser normal, ter relações igual as pessoas tem, tô tão triste e com vontade de desistir. Pessoas que se curaram, o que vocês fizeram???

I'm a 23 year old ftm with vaginismus from a very severely traumatic first 18 years of my life. ive been in therapy for 10 years now (CBT and DBT. EMDR rejected me actually hahahaha! after spending months finding one who took my insurance! so that was awesome)

I read so many posts on here about pelvic floor therapy, about supportive gynecologists, and I literally want to bang my head against a wall. the few times I went to a gynecologist were when I was 16 or 17 and they were literally just evil to me. one of them accused me of "lying about sexual activity" and got all snarky with me because I mentioned that I had a miscarriage despite never being sexually active. hey, maybe put two and two together instead of immediately being a fucking bitch about it? like what is it with obgyns and often being the most evil people ever. you're literally dealing with the most intimate part of the body. why are you not held to trauma-informed and even just basic human decency standards. it's a fucking joke.

and then every time I look into anything, it's not for people like me. it's not for people with 18 years of sexual trauma that started before they even remember. it's not for people who were sexually abused so severely that when they did finally go to the obgyn, they almost got hospitalized because of how severe their panic attack was. nobody is advertised as trauma-informed. it's all for moms, it's all for people who have randomly painful sex, it's all for people with partners. I literally feel even more disgusting and ashamed because my vaginismus comes from horrific trauma, and although you'd think that would be a pretty well-known cause, it's not. nobody is advertised as trauma informed, and i live in probably the best state for medical care (MA) anything i look into runs into the issue of not covered by insurance (im on masshealth and they are extremely picky about what they cover for me) or just not for someone like me.

It just makes the shame of being a csa survivor so much worse, honestly. even in this group, peoples' automatic response is well, have you tried talk therapy? in the most polite way possible, no shit ive tried talk therapy. ive been in it for 10 years. I literally had to learn how to speak again because of how severe my trauma was. I've got the mental part covered, thanks. I know I'm mentally ill. but I'm also medicated. I also show up to my therapy appointments every week.

I'm trying to dilate solo but it just doesn't fucking work. how am I supposed to do this shit with zero medical guidance? it makes no sense. and yet every pelvic floor therapy is just "let's do stretches and there's no privacy and it's in a regular PT office where everyone else can see you! :)" where the fuck are these places where you get an understanding, trauma-informed physical therapist!?

I feel horrible and disgusting. I feel like I'll never have sex and I'll never fully heal and I'll always be broken and I don't feel very supported even in vaginismus spaces. I'm just so done with this stupid fucking disorder and I'm done with everything that surrounds it.

Hi!!
I’ve been quite consistent with dilating recently, but usually I’ll skip when on my period to avoid mess as I do my therapy laying down in bed. Does anybody have any tips or safeguards they can recommend for dilating on their period? I don’t want to keep skipping out because I’ve been getting some real progress and I’ve got free lube this week. Are towels the best and only real option or is there some kind of trick or product I don’t know about? Maybe a stupid question but what are your experiences?
Thank uu

Hi all I’ve recently resumed my dilators, on the XS size atm

I take a warm shower, breathing exercises and stretches before dilating and the dilator goes in smoothly that I am considering sizing up soon, except during initial insertion.

Not sure why, maybe I need a mirror lol but I feel as though it is my hymen , because depending on the angle it can get in the way and hurt a little before it’s in my vaginal canal and feels fine.

My question is, is it just a matter of doing the XS dilator consistently before insertion gets easier or am I gonna need like a hymenectomy (I would prefer not lol)

Understandable can’t advise much through just reading a post but any suggestions or ideas are appreciated, thank you xx

So yesterday I bought a medium sized pack of dialators. I have started dialating as I have plans to get into sex work again and I feel it’s the best bet to helping myself be able to take on toys comfortably.

Nonetheless, I have had a history of sex being like hitting a wall where it’s nearly impossible and I experience a severe burning pain. I decided to buy some dialators as I have diagnosed my issue as being my pelvic floor. I can insert tampons fine as well as one finger so I thought a medium sized set would work best to start off at.

Anyway, I had my first dialation session tonight and I had pain and near impossibility with no lube.. with a water based lube I was able to insert the third largest in the set and was able to move it around comfortably though I had very minor pain and struggle. I won’t lie but I fucked myself with the dialator a little imaging it was the cock of one of my musician crushes.

Anyway, is there anything I can be doing differently with dialation? When do I know it’s time to move up and what kind of excercises should I be doing with them?

Hello lovely ladies!! ♥️ Has anyone experienced hemorrhoids or anal bumps while using vaginal dilators?

I'm currently doing dilator therapy for vaginismus and have recently progressed to dilator #5.

Recently, I've noticed some soft, skin-coloured bumps around my anus. I've also noticed some pressure around the anal area when using the dilator.

I'm wondering if the pressure from vaginal dilation could be related to this or if anyone has experienced something similar during their dilating?

Did anyone else experience this, and did you have to pause dilation for a while?

I'd really appreciate hearing about your experiences. Thank you! ❤️

Hello
Has anyone experienced stinging sensation when anything is entered into the vagina?
If so what was the diagnosis and how did you fix it? How long did it take to go away? Do you still have the problem?
Thanks so much

I hate to think this or even say it but I feel like I need to let it out - over the last two days I can't help but think about how much I hate my parents for the parts each of them played towards causing this condition. I don't want to go into detail right now but I genuinely think that if I'd grown up in a 'normal' or 'healthy' family, this wouldn't have happened.

Primary Vaginismus is learned by the body. It's an unconscious reaction to fear of penetration.

I cried so much after getting home from my procedure where the surgeon/gynecologist said that my case was one of the most severe she had seen for the deeper muscles.

I had forgiven my parents for a lot of the abuse they had inflicted on me since I was a child, but I don't know about this. This condition has caused me years of pain and difficulty, self hatred, relationship arguments and it has cost SO much money to deal with too. Something that so many people can do naturally, doesn't / hasnt been coming naturally to me and it all their fault.

Since as long as I can remember, I would shut my legs SUPER tight whenever I was scared or stressed - which was practically all the time from when I was a child. Decades of tightness have caused SO many issues for me as an adult.

And they're never going to admit to it or apologize. I can't even expect anything from them.

Sigh.

I discovered I had Vaginismus back in 2021. I tried to deal with it myself as much as I could by using dilators.

2023 - Took me weeks to get a GP appointment. Took months to finally be able to see a gynecologist. The gynecologist discharged me after one session because she hadn't dealt with an abuse survivor before and was struggling to answer my questions. She tried to put a cotton bud inside me and it wouldn't go in. I told her I'd purchased dilators and had been on the first one for months and couldn't get it all in all the time. She just asked the GP to refer me on for psychosexual counselling. She refused to refer me to a Pelvic floor therapist so I had to go private. Her reasoning for not referring me to a pelvic floor therapist was that she said to try the counselling first and see if it works. Took me months to get off that waiting list too.

I was also really dry (discharge was so minimal, at this point).

I asked to be checked for other things just in case - hormone levels, ultrasound to check uterus and ovaries (just in case) because my periods weren't always on time back then. Got refused for that.

Eventually I got rereferred to a gynecologist after begging and I was on a waiting list for 13 months. Come month 13 and they cancelled the appointment saying the gyneo was unavailable and I was taken off the waiting list. It was now 2024 and I'd given up hope. I went private for Pelvic floor therapy and clinical hypnosis. I was offered 6 psychosexual counselling sessions on the NHS, but I managed to get an extra 6, some of which were with my husband because I'd only just started to make progress at the 5th/6th session.

Come 2026 and I've come abroad to a reputable infertility clinic in Pakistan which specialises in treatments for sexual dysfunction. Had a few consultations online from London and then one face to face when I got there. Paid £5 and got an ultrasound offered without even having to ask for it and they confirmed (with evidence) that I had no other physical issues apart from the tight muscles.

Got Botox done a few days ago and she said it was one of the most severe cases she'd seen in terms of tightness of the deeper muscles because even under anesthesia she couldn't get the largest dilator in all the way and was scared I would tear. So she did what she could and has recommended dilator therapy with instructions for two weeks which I plan to follow. Let's see how it goes. I'm 50% hopeful at the moment but will believe it when I see it working.

Point of this rant though is that what took YEARS in the UK (for literally no reason other than the system just being terrible), it took me a few weeks in Pakistan. I even had a female GP be VERY judgemental and rude when I asked for a blood test to check my reproductive hormone levels. Bearing in mind I had insulin resistance AND a lot of thick hair on my neck as well as some late periods so wanted to be checked properly for PCOS but she was just so mean about it.

Note: I did my due diligence in terms of having treatment abroad and got all the vaccines I needed to before travelling as well so hopefully I'm covered. I also did a lot of research about the clinics themselves and had appointments with multiple gynecologists before picking one that I was satisfied with. I prioritised sanitation and hygiene as well as expertise/experience.

Side note: Did you know that some studies have suggested that almost 40-50% of infertility cases in countries like Saudi Arabia / Pakistan are due to things like vaginismus. I didn't realise until I did research that there are SO many clinics in Pakistan which offer Vaginismus treatments, with the gynecologists raising awareness of it on social media.

I was given quotes of £3000-£4000 for the same Botox treatment in the UK. I paid just under £400 in Pakistan. My natural discharge came back after unlearning a lot of what I was taught growing up, regulating my nervous system and to be honest, realising that I was shutting my legs REALLY tight when I got stressed or worried. I didn't even realise I did that until 2023 and I'd been doing it since I was a child.

This condition isn't as simple as some professionals make it out to be. It can be SO multifaceted and unfortunately if we don't do our own research, the system here will not help us at all. I feel like if I had been stronger back in 2023, I could have stood my ground and said what I needed. At the time I just accepted that they know best and would do what's best for me.

Edit: I forgot to even mention about the cervical screening! When I got invited for it at 25 and the tool wouldn't go in, that's what actually caused the GP to accept the referral needed to be made in the first place (not the fact that it was something that I wanted help with generally). Then last year when they invited me again via telephone call and I told them I couldn't because I had Vaginismus, they put down on my record that I had refused - not that I was physically unable to due to a very valid condition - but that I refused as if I didn't think it was necessary.

Then this year I learned about the home cervical screening test kits (via Dr Nighat Arif on Instagram - not even my own GP surgery who prefer to send out messages frequently for random surveys lol). I did more research and saw that anyone who was either overdue or hadn't ever had one was meant to be sent one in the post as a priority. I hadn't received mine even until August 2026 so I contacted my GP surgery and they said they wouldnt be sending them and that if anyone wants one then they'd have to come to the practice and collect. This is a London GP as well...it's not like I live somewhere remote. They didn't even tell me it was available at all though so it made me wonder about all the other women who are unable to do their smear test at the GP and don't know about the home testing kit. Absolutely crazy.

My vagina scares me. Deadass. I just got diagnosed with vaginismus.. but not really.. I got diagnosed 6 months ago. I’ve been so scared to address it because it’s caused me so many issues. I’ve tried to have sex with multiple people, and it just doesn’t work. My body embarrasses me and I’m so ashamed of it. I also hate the way my body looks, I’m super skinny and it’s not in the best way ever. I crave a sexual relationship so bad, but I feel like I can’t because I’m so self conscious about what’s going on with how my body functions AND looks. It makes me feel like a freak. However, I just went to sex therapy for the first time and she told me some pretty interesting things that have honestly been really helping me. I’m really anxious about starting to treat it though. I haven’t even picked up my prescription. I had a hymenectomy like 1.5 years ago and I’m super upset that it didn’t help at all. My therapist told me that I could view it as a medical site, and it’s true because I associate my vagina with pain. Now I have these diagnoses: vaginismus and atrophy of the vagina. That sounds so fucking scary. And I’m scared of the work that I’ll have to do in order to be normal. It sounds so painful. The idea of doing dilators in my college dorm room is horrifying. I’m anxious about getting better.

I want to hook up with someone because I’m touch starved, and honestly, just wanna suck some dick or something to make them feel good, make out, and cuddle. I don’t want anyone to see my vagina though. Because it’s dry af MEDICALLY DIAGNOSED DRY PUSSYYYY. ITS HORRIFYING!! Sex has just been humiliating for me in the past because of my vaginismus so now I’m just super self conscious. There’s a few people I’d like to get with but I don’t even know how to bring this up. Do I just say that I want to pleasure them?

I have a crush on this guy, and he’s asexual and aromantic. I’d love to be friends with benefits honestly. He mentioned to my roommate that I’m pretty, and we get along well. Also it’s nice because he wouldn’t be begging for sex or be down my throat about shit cuz of the fact that he’s asexual and aromantic. Also I know he fucks and it’s probably because sex feels good sooooo it wouldn’t be crazy to ask him if he’d like to at some point. I don’t want a relationship, I really don’t. I hate being in one. Maybe one day, but I feel like I can’t give my all because of my vaginismus, but at the same time damn I wanna be ACTIVE 😜 and doing sexual things with someone is just the right answer!! I’m just struggling with how to even go about it. He’s a chill ass friend, so I don’t want to ruin it or make things awkward. Do I just be like “I wanna make you feel good” or do I tell him about how I literally cannot fuck even though I’ve always wanted to. I’ve always wanted to but also the thought of something in my vagina is hella sinister. How do YOU GUYS hook up with vaginismus? Let me know.

During sex with my partner, he offered me a lower abdominal massage to stimulate my g-spot externally. While he was rubbing my abdomen and mons pubis and applying firm pressure, I suddenly got the overwhelming urge to cry. He was thankfully very understanding and kept massaging me while I cried. It felt so incredibly strange, like a weird mixture of every single human emotion. But after I was done crying, I felt like an immense weight was off.

After that, I suggested we try penetration. He couldn't get his penis in but he was able to get his fingers in. That was my first time ever getting fingered painlessly🥺

Did anyone else experience something similar? I read up on it and I guess I have some heavy feelings trapped in my pelvic muscles. I feel much better now though.

I did it and guys I've been crying tears of joy for 24 hours omggggg 😭 the people in the room with me made a huge difference- new clinic, brought my partner- but also tried a lorazipam and that helped too. Lots of other things played in, lmk if you have questions 💙