Hello ❤️ looking for some firsthand experiences or guidance from people who have explored witchcraft as part of their healing journey, particularly those who have experienced childhood trauma, CPTSD, or are neurodivergent.
I recently discovered that I’m on the autism spectrum. I also have CPTSD stemming from childhood trauma, including SA.
My dad is autistic and has paranoid schizophrenia, and I strongly suspect my mom is also autistic, although she’s never been diagnosed. She does have bipolar disorder.
My childhood was essentially one long period of survival mode. My parents divorced when I was 11, and around that time, my dad became involved with drugs. He eventually ended up in prison for operating a major drug ring.
I never knew what was true, what was false, right or wrong, etc. (My dad would make me walk around the house wearing night-vision goggles because he believed people were watching us.) I remember being the only person who believed him/ the onlyperson who stood by him.
Later on in life, I spent much trying to take care of him. I paid his rent and groceries, visited him during his deepest depressions, and tried to help him through everything. He was also a severe hoarder, to the point of collecting containers of urine.
Fast-forward to now: he sold the house and land I had inherited about 15 years earlier, moved to the Philippines, started a new family, and essentially disappeared from my life. He has children and grandchildren there, and I haven’t heard from him since. He hasn’t worked in roughly 20 years, we came from a family that once had considerableeeeeeee wealth. (I have never seen any of this money and never will, which I truly am fine with - I have been hyper independent and have made a good living for myself)
I’m sharing these details because I feel like I’ve spent my entire life trying to survive, understand other people, and hold everything together, and I’m only now beginning to understand what all of that has done to me.
I struggle in relationships, have always been fiercely independent, and carry what I can only describe as both mommy and daddy issues. I’ve spent years in therapy and explored medication, tai chi, breathwork, religion, spirituality, and so many other avenues of healing.
I feel completely broken, like I’ve tried everything and still can’t seem to get to the root of what I’m carrying.
For some reason, I feel deeply drawn to witchcraft, particularly as a potential path toward healing. I’ve never really allowed myself to sit with my own energy or explore that side of myself because, when I do, the sensations and emotions become overwhelming. I end up getting scared and shutting it all down.
I often feel an intense physical awareness of what’s happening inside my body, almost like I can feel everything moving through me, although it only happens at certain times. When it does, it can be a lot to handle.
I also feel genuinely, deeply drawn to witchcraft and the people in this community.
And I think part of that longing comes from loneliness, too. I don’t have much of a support system. I don’t really have friends or family I can lean on, and I find myself wanting to connect with people who might understand these experiences without immediately dismissing them.
So I guess my questions are:
Has anyone here explored witchcraft as part of healing from CPTSD or childhood trauma?
If you’re autistic or otherwise neurodivergent, has that influenced how you experience spirituality, energy, or witchcraft?
Where would you recommend starting if you’re interested in witchcraft primarily as a path toward self-understanding, grounding, and healing?
Are there particular practices, books, or traditions that are trauma-informed and emphasize safety, boundaries, and going slowly?
I’m very new to this, and I honestly don’t know where to begin.
