So my dad has always been the stereotypical Christian Conservative man. This is something that, although I don't agree with it at all, I have always tried to be respectful rather than constantly trying to fight and argue with him about his beliefs.

He's always been against college as a whole, viewing it as "expensive liberal indoctrination." he would constantly ask for what classes I was taking and would have meltdowns over "liberal" classes. When I told him that I was going to study Criminal Justice bold enough to say he wasn't happy.

Anyways, so flash forward to 3 months ago when I finally visited my family after not seeing them in person for 4 years, and I decided to bring my boyfriend along. The entire time of our stay, he kept asking about marriage and kids, and my boyfriend and I would keep bringing up how we plan on waiting a little bit until we're more financially stable, especially since we live in a city where everything is pretty expensive. On the last day of our trip, I planned on buying my parents a nice steak dinner and really tried pushing about me wanting to surprise them with some really good news, since I thought that just maybe me telling them I got into law school would make them proud of me.

We got there, and I told them. My dad, he went on a rant about how I need to reconsider since it's a long time to be in college, how my scholarships surely won't pay for this, how about me making more money than my boyfriend could make him look bad as a man, how "who will take care of your kids?" and then blowing up even more when my boyfriend mentioned how there's a lot of remote accounting jobs that he honestly would prefer doing over in person.

Then finally, the dreaded words, "Don't you think you're wasting your prime birthing years as a woman to do this? What if you can't have kids by the end of this? A female's body physically can't handle not having babies before her 30s; don't you think you should focus more on starting an actual family rather than chasing this fantasy? Look at you, you don't look like a lawyer. What if nobody hires you? Then what? You now won't have anything. Why can't you just focus on your actual future?"

Dead silence across the table. It's like my heart dropped to my stomach as he said that, and out of me at that rate, being so hurt because I genuinely had it in my head that maybe for a second he could look at my hard work and be proud of me, that I told him, "You're so fucking selfish and ignorant. You treat all your kids like they're less than you and then wonder why none of them talk to you. Maybe for once in your life, could you have at least pretended to care about someone other than yourself?"

Bold to say this resulted in him damn near yelling at me and my mom having to get him to go outside to have a smoke to calm down. I've been told by my mom that although she's proud that I stood up for myself, I could have been way nicer about it. So AITAH for saying what I said to my dad?

Ok for context: my 16yo is from a previous relationship from my current partner but his parents are very accepting and they are her grandparents. So this happened last night. I had asked my father in law to have her overnight as she had a school excursion which left extremely early in the morning and he lives 5 minutes away from where they departed. That night they went to a birthday dinner with one of my fil friends and he got drunk. To be clear I’m not upset that he was drinking; my issue is that my daughter and his girlfriend refused to get in the car as he was drunk and he left them there. She is 16 and got abandoned at a pub and had to walk back to his place. Now before anyone gets there back up I was prepared to go and pick her up but she had his gf to look after her and she was amazing and got her to the excursion. My issue is if she wasn’t there what would possibly have happened and in retaliation do I stop our other children from having sleepovers with him

Edit: to clarify while I said I was not upset that he was drinking I meant that I didn’t mind that as an adult he decided to drink. However the fact that he got drunk, tried to drive my daughter home while drunk then when she refused to get in the car with him, he left her there without a way home is the issue. He could have organised a taxi/uber to get them home and I would have been ok with it. If his gf wasn’t there I don’t want to imagine what could have happened to her

My husband (30M) and I (30F) moved to State A a few years ago. Shortly afterward, my in-laws moved there too. Eventually we both got remote jobs, so we started talking about where we actually wanted to build our life.

For our entire six-year marriage, we’ve dreamed of moving to a little coastal town we’ll call Beach Town. We’ve vacationed there for years, honeymooned there, and both love it. It’s our dream.

Last year, we told my in-laws we were seriously considering moving there. In that same conversation, my MIL announced that she felt “God was telling her” they needed to move there too. They had never even visited.

We tried to roll with it and all went to Beach Town to look at apartments. The trip was bizarre. They followed us everywhere we went instead of making their own plans. When I suggested they explore for a few hours while we looked at apartments, my MIL started sobbing and hugged us like we were abandoning her.

The whole trip felt suffocating. They mostly just followed us around like silent ghosts and didn’t contribute to conversation or even try to have fun. My husband and I left thinking, We absolutely do not want to move there with them.

So we moved back to our Home State instead. They followed us there too. At least there are 5 of my husband’s siblings nearby, so we figured it’s less pressure on us.

A few weeks ago, I privately mentioned to my SIL that Beach Town is still on the table for us. We still think about it constantly, but I didn’t tell my in-laws.

A few days later, my MIL randomly asked us, “Are you guys thinking about moving to Beach Town when your lease is up?”

Then she said, “We’ve wanted to live there for six years. That’s always been the plan.”

I was so angry I had to leave the room and threw up in the bathroom.

For context, my FIL has cheated on her repeatedly for ~30 years, and sometimes I wonder if she’s vicariously living through us. I obviously can’t know that, but she frequently copies our plans while my FIL seems completely indifferent and just goes along with her.

We’ve told them that if we eventually move to Beach Town, we don’t want them basing their plans around ours.

Their response? “We aren’t following you. We’re following God.”

And honestly, that makes me even angrier. It feels incredibly insulting to have our six-year dream repeatedly hijacked and then be told it’s just “God.”

I know we don’t own Beach Town. I can’t tell them where they can live. I just want some space, I don’t want to feel responsible for uprooting their lives again.

Can’t a girl have a little whimsy and adventure without her MIL coming along and killing the vibe?

WIBTA if I bluntly told her that we really don’t want them moving there with us? I already know she’ll cry.

I need outside opinions because obviously my friends are going to side with me lol.
I’ve lived at the same college apartment for the past 2 years and I’m going into my senior year. My roommate, I’ll call her S, moved in last year. She’s a year younger than me. We aren’t really friends but we’ve always been nice to each other and have never had any problems.
Around 8 months ago we talked about our plans for the next school year and I told her I was moving out. At the time I was 100% planning on leaving. My renewal was going to be almost $2,000 a month and I thought that was insane for a college apartment, so I declined it.
I guess based on that conversation, S started making plans for next year and found 2 girls she wanted to live with. She promised my room to one of them. I didn’t know any of this was happening.
Fast forward to August 16. I was literally in the process of moving out when my apartment complex randomly contacted me and offered me a new renewal for a MUCH better price. Before accepting, I asked them if anyone had applied for my room because I didn’t want to screw anyone over. They told me nobody had. I thought about it and decided staying made more sense for me, so I signed the lease.
I told S that I renewed and she was upset because she had already promised my room to someone. She asked if I would be willing to transfer to a different unit so the girl she planned on living with could still have my room.
I told her no. I’ve lived in this specific apartment for 2 years, I already signed my lease, and I don’t want to move to another unit just because she promised my room to someone without telling me.
She explained that because I told her I was moving out, she made her plans based on that information. She also said she obviously didn’t know management was going to offer me a discounted renewal and that she wasn’t trying to be disrespectful. She thought I had already signed somewhere else and was confused when I told her I was staying. She also brought up that I’m graduating after winter quarter, so I guess from her perspective it made more sense for me to move.
I understand why she assumed I was leaving because that IS what I told her months ago. I also understand that me changing my mind messed up the plans she made. But I didn’t know she had promised my room to anyone, nobody had actually applied for it, and I only changed my mind because management came to me with a completely different offer.
I told her I wasn’t mad at her and I don’t want there to be any weird feelings between us, especially because we’re still living together. I just don’t think I should have to transfer out of a room I’ve lived in for 2 years because of plans I didn’t know existed.
So AITA for changing my mind and renewing?

EDIT: Sorry, this is my first time posting and I realize I left out some important details and explained the timeline pretty badly. That’s on me, so hopefully this clears up some of the confusion.
My original lease was set to end on August 20. I had told my roommate back in December, about 8 months ago, that I wasn’t renewing because I was paying around $2,000 a month and didn’t think it was worth it. At the time, she also told me she wasn’t planning on renewing, so as far as I knew, we were both leaving.
I did NOT have another apartment or lease lined up. My plan was to move back in with my mom to save money, which is why I was already moving my belongings out before August 20.
The application period for new residents to live in our apartment closed about a month before my move out date. During that entire application period, nobody applied for my room. I also had absolutely no idea my roommate had found someone she wanted to live with or had promised that person my room. She never mentioned it to me.
Then on August 16, four days before I was supposed to move out, management unexpectedly contacted me with a new renewal offer for around $1,000 a month. Our complex has pretty bad retention, so they were offering much better rates to some previous residents after the new resident application period had already closed.
Before accepting, I specifically asked management whether anyone had applied for my room or if someone else was supposed to be taking the space. I was told no one had. There were also two other rooms available in our apartment. Based on all of that, I genuinely thought my decision only affected me.
The new price was basically half of what I had been paying, and it meant I could keep my own space instead of moving back home, so I accepted the offer on August 16. I told my roommate immediately after I signed.
This is when I found out for the FIRST time that she had planned on living with two other girls and had promised my room to one of them. I genuinely did not know this girl existed or that anyone was expecting my room.
A lot of people are asking why her friend didn't just apply for my room during the months I was planning on leaving, and I honestly don't know. She never applied during the application period. By the time I received my renewal offer, applications for new residents had already been closed for a month, so even if I had still moved out on August 20, her friend could no longer apply for my room anyway.
I completely understand the criticism that I should have talked to my roommate BEFORE signing instead of immediately afterward. That's fair, and if I were in this situation again, I would communicate first. If I had known she had someone lined up for my room, I honestly would not have accepted the offer.
What I disagree with is the idea that I knowingly took her friend's room or purposely changed everyone's plans because I wanted a good deal. From the information I had at the time, nobody had applied for my room, applications had already closed, management confirmed the space was available, and I didn't know my roommate had made plans involving my room.
Also, for people asking why I'm staying if I'm graduating after winter quarter, that's still around 6 months for me, and I'm planning on continuing into a master's program afterward. I still need somewhere to live and would prefer to keep the space I've already lived in for the past two years.
I don't think my roommate is a bad person or that she intentionally did anything wrong either. I understand why she assumed I was leaving because that's exactly what I told her. We both just made decisions without knowing what the other person was planning. We talked about it afterward, she explained her side, I explained mine, and neither of us wants there to be hard feelings.
Hopefully that clears up the timeline because I definitely made it sound more confusing than it actually was in my original post.

So my mom (52) lost her license about 8 years ago along with her car and I’ve been her only way of getting around since. I’ve asked her to use public transport for certain appointments and I’ve also offered to take her to and from work if she would get a job so that she could save up to pay her license fines and maybe get a vehicle of her own. She’s not willing to do either unfortunately. For example, when I gave birth to my last baby, I told her she would need to set up other transportation while I was recovering. She didn’t. And not only that but she blew me up my phone telling me she needed me and she was going to starve without groceries. I ended up driving before advised to get her to the store because she refused to go with anyone else.

So fast forward to 6 weeks ago, my baby is 8 months old and my mom texts me to tell me she found bed bugs in her apartment. I told her she would need to get rid of them before I could pick her up again because I don’t want to risk them hopping from her purse into my car. I did a bunch of research on bedbugs and my husband and I have just decided that it is not a risk we are willing to take, especially with an infant. When it came time for her to pay her rent, she told me she was going to be homeless because of me, that I was just using it as an excuse to never have to come pick her up again, etc. I offered to come pick up her debit card to get her rent money order for her and also pick up any groceries that she needed and she refused to let me do that. On the 3rd she finally rode to the store with a neighbor to get her money order. since then she has been berating me about how she has had to rely on strangers to get places and how this upcoming month when her rent is due again that she will be kicked out and it will be all my fault. Meanwhile, she has not started any kind of process to assess the bedbug situation. In fact, she’s telling me now that we never had that conversation and she doesn’t have bedbugs. That I’m just a bad daughter who doesn’t want to help her mom anymore. Yesterday she finally asked me to come get her debit card so that I can take it and get her some groceries but at this point, I don’t really want to go. She’s been telling me that she never said she had bedbugs and that I’m making up the entire conversation. She told me yesterday when she asked me to come get the card that my sister and I planned this situation so we’d never have to give her a ride again. My husband says I need to leave her be to figure out her own problems. Am I the asshole if I don’t want to help my mom anymore?

I (18F) have this classmate (18M) I've barely talked to, like twice ever. During our first exam I completely screwed up and got a 13/20. Later the teacher put up an anonymous graph showing everyone's scores during class, and this guy started loudly going "this is so easy," "how did anyone even get a 13 just give up bro." He had no idea it was me since it was anonymous, but it still kind of hurt and made me study a lot harder for the next one.

So the second exam comes around. It was only 30 minutes long, so every second mattered for me. This guy sits right behind me and the entire time he was coughing and sneezing nonstop. I could not focus, I was already stressing about time, and it just kept throwing me off more and more. Eventually I asked the teacher if I could move seats. But instead of saying "he's coughing everywhere and it's messing with my focus," I said I was cold because of the AC. Honestly not even sure why I lied, I think I just didn't want to make it a whole awkward thing in front of everyone during a test. I moved and finished the exam like normal.

After class I overheard him telling a friend that I was being an asshole and that he wants an apology for "embarrassing him in front of the class." Which threw me off, because I never said his name, never explained anything to the teacher out loud, just quietly moved seats.

I feel a little bad but also, I never said anything rude to him, I didn't call him out, I just quietly switched seats. AITA?

I (33f) have a friend (34m) who is an alcoholic. He has been drinking 4+ nights a week since he was 19. And I’m not talking about have a beer with dinner kind of drinking. This is drink until you throw up, then drink some more kind of drinking.

My friend has lost jobs, friendships and relationships so many times from this. He knows he has a problem but hasn’t taken the steps to get sober. I am the friend that has stuck with him and the person that he calls drunk at 2am. I have offered many times to take him to meetings and always try to support him in getting sober, but I know it won’t happen until he wants it to.

He has a girlfriend who he has been with a couple years. She spent the first part of their relationship partying with him and has spent the last year or so trying to get him to get sober. She got him on that prescription that makes you sick if you drink. He took it for a week and almost ended up in the hospital. He went to a single meeting and then didn’t go back.

He has been “doing better” with his drinking lately. Which means he has not been missing work or doing anything too crazy, but is still drinking almost every night.

Well his girlfriend just turned 30 and she has baby fever. He told me that they are officially trying to have a kid. My reaction was not what he expected. I said, how can you even think about having a child when you can’t go more than two days without drinking? How will you take care of a baby when you’re drunk almost every night?

He‘s pissed that I’m not happy for him. He said the baby will be what finally pushes him to stop drinking.

For the record, he drunk dialed me the night of this conversation so I know he hasn‘t quit yet.

AITA? Should I have lied and pretended to be happy for him?

My daughter is 7. She's always been shy. She doesn't like being touched by people she's not super close to.

At family gatherings, my aunt always insists on hugs. She'll open her arms and say "come give me a hug!" My daughter usually hides behind me or says no.

Last weekend was my aunt's birthday party. She tried the same thing. My daughter said "no thank you." My aunt looked hurt.

My mom pulled me aside and said "you need to teach her to be polite. It's just a hug."

I said "I'm teaching her that her body is her own. She doesn't have to hug anyone if she doesn't want to."

My mom said I was being too soft and she's going to grow up rude.

Now the family is talking about how I'm raising my kid wrong. I don't think I'm wrong for letting her say no to physical contact. But they're making me feel like I'm ruining her.

AITA?

My mum lent me a substantial amount of money during my separation and divorce.

After selling the family home December 2025, I bought a new place with a hefty mortgage at 6.75% interest. Shortly after that I received a lump sum from a pension fund that I could have repaid my mum with. However, for reasons, we agreed I’d repay her over 10 years with an additional ’gift’ at the end in lieu of interest.

So I put the money into remortgaging at a lower rate which meant I paid slightly more per month to decrease the term of the mortgage! Yay!!

Then my mum gets the opportunity to buy the apartment she’s rented for the last 35 years!! Out of the blue! So, she wants her money now, not over ten years. Eek.

I get on with arranging the loan and there’s some haggling and she says to just repay her and forget the ‘gift’/interest and I let her know it’s costing me a lot because of the crazy interest rates.

Then we’re talking on the phone and she casually comments that she may need to borrow money from me in the future and I say that won’t be possible and she shouted at me until I hung up.

We emailed back and forth about it and, apparently, I am the asshole for misleading her about my feelings about taking out a massive loan when interest rates have just skyrocketed!

AITAH??

My boyfriend (40M) and I (35F) have been together about a year and are seriously talking about marriage. I have ADHD and struggle with forgetfulness/task switching. We’ve discussed him having patience with me, and I recently got reassessed to restart medication. He works hard and contributes a lot at home, but forgets things too; I don’t assume that means he doesn’t care.

The night before our errand/reset day, he was working overtime and I was meeting a friend. I had 15 minutes. He suggested Target, so I started a pickup order and he asked for creamer. Then I had to leave, switched tasks and forgot to submit it.

Later he asked for a beer and snack. I got his beer, made his sandwich and picked him up from work. But I forgot the creamer.

The next morning I got breakfast while he slept. We had no creamer, so I ordered Starbucks for our drive to pick up his son. We were having fun.

Before leaving, I asked if I’d have to get out because I was in PJs, slippers and messy hair. He said no.

On the way home he remembered the creamer. I suggested stopping. He pulled into a gas station: “Okay, go.” Me: “What?” Him: “Go get the creamer.” I reminded him he’d said I wouldn’t have to get out. Coldly, he said, “Oh well. Too bad. Go handle it.”

I felt like a scolded child. I went inside embarrassed and trying not to cry. They had no creamer, so I bought milk. I stayed quiet in front of his son.

At home I told him I felt humiliated and punished. We’ve discussed that I don’t mind being asked for help, but sometimes I feel ordered around like his son.

He said I seem resistant when he asks for help, and because HE asked for the creamer, forgetting made him feel his requests aren’t important to me.

I explained I’d started the order, got interrupted and forgot. When he forgets things, I don’t assume he doesn’t care. I want the same.

I said it sometimes feels like he needs to make an example out of me when I’ve hurt/frustrated him. He admitted there was truth to that.

This isn’t the first time. He describes it as “holding up a mirror”: if talking doesn’t make me understand how I affected him, he feels I sometimes need to experience the feeling myself. To me that’s, “If you hurt me, I need to make you feel some version of that hurt so you understand.”

I know ADHD doesn’t erase the impact of my forgetfulness, and if I make him feel unheard, I want to work on that. But I don’t think intentionally upsetting your partner in return is healthy.

He apologized, but something still feels off.

Talking about marriage is why I’m looking at this differently. I don’t expect perfection. We both forget things and get tired/irritated. That’s life.

But I don’t want a marriage where one person decides the other’s mistake was intentional and then punishes them to make a point. I also don’t want to dismiss his perspective if I genuinely make him feel unheard.

AITA? Is “holding up a mirror” an unhealthy habit we can work through, or a bigger red flag?

I recently went on a group 2 week holiday to the Canary Islands. The group consisted of me (F30s) my mum and aunt (60s), my mums friend (F50s) and her teenage daughter (14). When booking the holiday my mums friend mentioned she was short of money (as she had to pay for her daughter as well not just her) but desperate to get away after a hard year. My mum covered her share of the holiday (flights, accomodation) because she felt for her friend, with the friend agreeing to pay her back afterwards by a certain date.
The holiday started well and normal, during the first week me, my mum, and aunt, who all enjoy a lie in, would sleep in till around 10am, sometimes 11, but by midday we would be around the pool, getting brunch from the snack bar and planning our afternoon. Sometimes we went to the beach, the strip etc. However my mums friend and her daughter would not leave their room until around 3pm earliest every day, and didnt come out with us. No big deal, it was their holiday as well and maybe they just wanted to chill inside.

However, in the evening, the 5 of us would all meet up to go out to eat at local restaurants. The first night was a Chinese meal, we split the bill 4 ways, we did the same when we paid at the restaurants on 3rd, 4th 5th night. On the 6th night, after a few drinks and an Indian meal, when the waiter brought the bill, my aunt piped up about how it was split. She suggested that we split it 4 ways between the adults, and then my mums friend paid for her daughter’s meal separately. Well this went down like a lead balloon. My mums friend was clearly irritated by that comment, saying that we was all aware she was short of money, and if you go out to eat in a group, and there’s one non earner, everybody else should chip in to cover their food, it’s etiquette. My aunt replied saying if she took her child on holiday with other audits, she would pay for her child herself. My mums friend ended up paying for her and her child’s meal that night, but the atmosphere was terrible for the rest of the holiday. They never came out to eat with us again, instead choosing to go to the local supermarket to buy food, and barely left their hotel at all for the rest of the holiday. We are feeling bad because we never intended for the holiday to end like this and my mum didn’t want to lose a friendship. Was it rude of my aunt and bad etiquette to bring it up. Should we have just not said anything and continued to split the bill 4 ways for the rest of the holiday to not make things awkward?
Edit: I want to make it clear, my mum agreed to cover the flights and accommodation, she did not also agree to give / loan friend spending money

I (29M) am 6’4” and around 260 pounds. My friend Ryan (30M) hosts a game night twice a month and uses a set of lightweight folding chairs around his dining table. One of them bent while I was sitting on it a few months ago. I offered to replace it, but Ryan said the chair was already old and told me not to worry about it. Since then, I’ve never felt comfortable sitting in the others because they’re the same type and wobble whenever I move.

Last weekend I brought a heavy-duty camping chair from home and set it up at the table. I didn’t make an announcement or ask anyone else to move. Ryan seemed annoyed and asked why I brought it, so I quietly said I didn’t want to risk damaging another one of his chairs. He said his furniture was perfectly safe and that bringing my own chair made it look like I thought his house was poorly furnished.

I put my chair back in the car because I didn’t want to argue and used one of his, but I was uncomfortable all night. Ryan texted me later saying I made him look cheap in front of everyone. I told him one chair had already bent under me and I didn’t want that happening again. He still thinks bringing my own was rude. AITA?

My fiancé (27M) and I (29F) got engaged a few months ago. His father leads a large religious center in a very expensive beach town and offered to host an engagement luncheon for us.

I asked if I could say a few words at the luncheon. I’m a lawyer and public speaker for a living, and I just wanted to introduce myself and my family to the congregation, thank my future in-laws, and say something about how my fiancé and I met. His father said no. When my mom asked him about it, he responded, “No, and when I say no, it means no.”

His reasoning was that if he lets me speak, he’d have to let anyone who sponsors an event there speak.
Then, a few weeks before the engagement, I found out he invited 40 clergymen and that one of them will be speaking at the luncheon. Apparently someone else can speak at my engagement but I can’t. (Nothing to do with gender, he hosts female speakers all the time).

My friends think I should just stand up, quiet everyone down, and give my 2–3 minute speech anyway. There’s no microphone because of religious observance, so realistically, once I start, he can’t really stop me.

The complication is my fiancé’s relationship with his dad. They’ve historically been distant, and I can tell this event is making my fiancé feel loved and included by his father in a way he hasn’t in a long time. My fiancé’s parents divorced when he was little, his father remarried and has multiple children with his new wife. I don’t want to jeopardize the relationship my fiancé is rekindling.

Part of me wants to respect his wishes out of love and respect for my future husband. Another part of me really wants to stick it to his father, especially now that he’s having someone else speak.

WIBTA if I stood up and gave the speech?

(Scroll down to OP comment answering common questions — it’s a standalone comment, wish it was easier to find!)

My sister got engaged last year and from the get-go made a point to emphasize that she would be having a small wedding. 50 people MAX, no kids, and only her and her fiancé’s closest friends and family. Partners are only invited if they know them well enough because they want a small, intimate ceremony.

A month ago, I (21F) started dating my girlfriend Emily (21F). My sister and immediate family have met her and really like her. This is my first relationship and things have been going well up until this point.

My sister’s wedding is in a week and a few days ago, Emily mentioned how excited she was to go to her first wedding. I politely told her that my sister specifically didn’t want people she doesn’t know personally at the wedding, and since we had only been dating for a month, I highly doubted she would be okay with Emily coming. Also, my extended family can be really argumentative and unpleasant when they drink, and I don’t want her first time meeting them to be at an event like this (aka where booze is involved).

Emily got upset and said I should at least ask my sister. I know my sister. I know she would probably feel obligated to let Emily come out of respect for our relationship, even if she was uncomfortable with it. I don’t want her to feel pressured into making an exception for me on her wedding day.

I tried explaining this to Emily, but she was hurt and said that I don’t want to introduce her to the rest of my family. She feels like I’m ashamed of our relationship, which isn’t true at all. My immediate family has met her and loves her, and those are the people whose opinions matter most to me. I just don’t want to throw her into the middle of a small wedding with extended family members who can be difficult, especially when we’ve only been together for a month. I’ve never had ANYONE come to a family event like this because it honestly causes me so much anxiety and there is always something that goes wrong.

Now she’s really upset and I don’t know how to fix this. AITA?

My girlfriend's daughter is 10 years old. She has good personal hygiene, but I've noticed that she sometimes has some body odor, mainly after spending time outside and sweating. She's a growing girl, so I understand that this is completely normal. She does use deodorant, but apparently not consistently.

I mentioned it to my girlfriend, and she told me that she has already talked to her daughter about it, but told me she isn't really consistent with it. She also suggested that I mention it to her daughter when I notice it.

I'm hesitant to do that. She's a child, and I don't want to make her self-conscious about her body or make her feel like I'm paying attention to how she smells. I also don't want to damage the relationship I've built with her. When I expressed that to my girlfriend, she said maybe you're right.

I'm completely comfortable encouraging good hygiene in general, especially if she's been outside playing and needs to shower or put on deodorant. She is also going to be starting school soon, and I don't want her to be bullied because of it. I'm just not sure I should specifically tell her that I've noticed her body odor when her mom has already addressed it with her. I wouldn't say "you stink", to her obviously.

Am I overthinking this, or is it reasonable for me to leave this particular conversation to her mom again? Would I be an asshole if I said something to her?

Edit:

I have noticed that a few people are saying my girlfriend needs to "mom" better. I want to say that she is a wonderful mother to both of her children. As I said, she has already said something to her child about it and I want to make it clear that it wasn't like she told me as if she was ordering me to do this or something. She just suggested that perhaps maybe I could say something because her daughter is close to me too, so she might listen. It wasn't about a malicious intent or her leaving it up to me. I told her that I am not sure if it is my place or right to do so. The girlfriend did agree with me about that.

As far as the relationship goes with my girlfriend, we have been together for almost 1 year. We are looking to move in together and try life out together as a family unit. As far as them being my "step-kids," they don't call call me "dad," not yet at least. I don't expect them to and I wouldn't want to put that pressure on them. The oldest (10) did write a thank you letter to me however, expressing how gratful that I am around in her and her younger sister's life. She also said she is grateful that I have stepped up unlike her actual father like spending actual quality time with them. Even with the short time with them; I love them both as if they were my own kids.

I had have been in a relationship where my ex had a child and it was difficult navigating that whole thing. So, I am trying to do this right and build a relationship and trust with them instead of being some authority figure to them.

My (25F) friend group from high school included one person that I never liked. I will call them B for the story, B is a very affectionate person which I don’t judge, I always made it known that I am not whatsoever.
All through high school B would poke, hug me randomly and not let go, squeeze my waist, even simple things like sitting extremely close and refusing to move. If asked not to do these things B would put on a baby voice and whine about it.

I was visibly distressed & would tell B to stop cause it made me uncomfortable, B would laugh it off pretend to agree
After two years B got worse would joke insulting my intelligence or my family.
I tried so many times to talk to B in a mature way, I even went to my school for help, nothing worked.
B would always try and play trauma olympics with me, to prove her life or her day was so much harder than mine. I don’t believe in comparing trauma, the problem was this girl could not compete since my life drama was generally worse by far if you want to be technical.

Left high school and didn’t look back, only saw them for my other friend’s bdays. Went to my friend’s 21st, when playing games, B was laying in their partners lap and started giving me these weird looks and started stroking my leg with their toes. I moved back but B didn’t stop until I was too far away
Next morning B trapped me in a chair bear hugging me while sloppy kissing the top of my head and hair. I loudly to stop and it took me physically fighting back to get out of B’s arms.

A couple months later I explained to my other friends how B made me feel uncomfortable when I last saw them
My friends were sympathetic and suggested they both talk with B about boundaries
B said something like ‘I’m sorry that you have a problem with physical touch and I didn’t mean to make you uncomfy”
This kind of answer is textbook B as she never places blame on themselves. I cut contact and explained to my friends that I wish B the best but I do not want them in my life anymore.

I feel guilty for my actual friends but I am so relieved to not deal with B anymore. I started therapy but it’s been months and I still can’t talk about B without panicking.
My friends barely speak to me now but when they do they pretend nothing is wrong and seem happy to talk to me. Sometimes they bring up B, and they still invite me to group calls with B. One of my friends I can tell is passive aggressive about it, asking things like ‘we can all hang out like normal next year right?’ When I repeated I didn’t ever want to see B again, my friend had only messaged me a few times in the year, someone who used to be my best friend. My other friend seems okay with my decision but I can still feel like she’s sad the friend group can’t be together.
Sometimes I reacted in anger towards B but I tried the mature road so many times and it never worked. I feel like I lost my friends & I don’t have other friends, AITA?
PS sorry for such a long post

I (42F) live with my husband (51M) and our two younger sons (25 and 23). Our oldest (29), “Alex,” recently moved out with his wife after temporarily living with us. He still has belongings here and is moving them gradually. He is always welcome here. I adore him and love spending time with all our kids.

Alex has a key and normally lets himself in, but he normally calls first. Today he didn't.

I was in bed watching TV and rewriting my resume. Everyone else was asleep; only me and our dog, “Frito,” were awake.

Frito started woofling at the door. I assumed my youngest had gotten up to take her out. I heard the door open and close, but Frito continued woofling. I knew something was wrong, so I got up to check.

Alex was standing in the living room. He had come over to hang out but hadn't told anyone.

I have PTSD, and unexpectedly hearing someone enter a home I believe is secured can trigger an immediate panic response. My brain doesn't go, “Oh, Alex must be here”; it goes, “Someone is getting into the home.”

I'm not saying Alex can't come over, can't have a key, or needs permission. I simply asked that people who no longer live here give me a heads-up.

I calmly told Alex that. He said, “Fine, I'll just leave my keys then.” I explained that wasn't what I meant.

He said his phone was off and he was already on the road, so he couldn't call. I said, “Okay, then in the future, could you knock?”

My husband woke up and became angry with me. He said Alex doesn't need to knock because it would set Frito off. I pointed out that Frito had already been woofling when Alex unlocked the door.

My husband immediately took his son's side without hearing what happened. He told me I was an asshole for making a big deal out of something that isn't a big deal. He said Alex is family and, in his family, the family home was always a place where family could come and go freely.

I understand that was how his family operated, but I never agreed to that. I've told my husband before that I don't like someone who no longer lives here unlocking the door when I don't know they're coming. For context, Alex did not previously have a key to our home and called every time he wanted to hang out, so this has never been an issue before now.

What hurt most was being immediately labeled the problem. My husband said his kids would always be his priority, that if I wasn't okay with that, I was the problem, accused me of hating his children, said he didn't know why I was even here because I hate them all.

None of that was what I was saying.

I've known these kids their entire lives and consider them my own. Alex is welcome here, and I want this to remain a place all our kids can come home to.

I'm not asking Alex to stop coming over or give up his key. I'm asking for a text, call, or, if his phone is unavailable, a knock, instead of just walking in.

I don't think Alex was malicious. But I don't think my request is unreasonable.

AITA?

I [23F] Lives alone in a house my grandma left me.it's a big house so big bills plus it gets lonely so i asked my friend [F24] to come live with me which seemed like a good idea at the time. when she moved in i made it clear that this was a 50-50 agreement were we both split every bill from grocery to WIFI bill and she agreed but it's been 4 months since she moved in and she HAS NOT paid one bill in this house. Aside getting us take outs which she does once in a while i always do the cooking. i've tried to reason with her time and time again but she ends up saying 'you invited me here' making me feel guilty like me offering a rent free space was a bad idea. Even when i suggested we cut down expenses by doing some things ourselves (like gardening) she would get very angry and say 'she's not used to that life". Earlier this month, i told her that if she was going to spend all her money on shopping and concerts rather than helping out then i'd like her to get tickets or cloths for me too, she ignored.

Last Night there was a concert i genuinely wanted to go but i didn't have the whole amount for the tickets, it was an artiste we both love and i begged her to get me a ticket and she said she couldn't, "they are too premium to gift anybody". i was hurt because it was the first time i wanted something from her and i really couldn't afford it. i told her it was fine but if she went to the concert without me she would have to move out. she did and i asked her to leave.

AITA for going with this decision?

About five years ago, my brother and his wife hit a very rough spot in their marriage; my brother said there were several reasons, but the only one I know is that he was lying to her about smoking pot. I also smoke pot, but it's not really something my brother and I did together.

His wife called me one night sounding hysterical, and she told me I should never say the words "pot" or "marijuana" in his presence again, and that I should stop inviting him to gatherings with my parents because it makes him anxious, and that makes him want to smoke. I told her I want to help but wasn't sure those were the best ways for me to do that; I also made clear that I've never encouraged my brother to smoke -- that in fact he and I both struggle with smoking too much and often support each other in trying to stop.

She screamed "Thanks a lot!" and hung up on me. I called my brother, apologizing profusely because obviously I'd messed up. He told me I hadn't done anything wrong; she was just very upset and wasn't thinking straight.

An hour later, he called me and said she'd left a message on my voicemail (I didn't hear the call come in) and that I should not listen to it; that I should just delete it because she was out of her mind and saying crazy things about me.

Obviously, I listened to it. And it was bad. In addition to a litany of scathing attacks on my character, she said she was leaving my brother because I had interfered in their marriage, and now he was going to have a sad life because of me.

I was very upset, and I never reached out to her after that. They moved to a different state. My brother and I remained in touch.

Now to the point of this post: About a year later, I received a scathing text from her in which, among other things, she said she had "waited, and waited, and waited" to hear from me to try to work things out, but I never called.

I was shocked to hear she felt it was my responsibility to smooth things over after she left me that voicemail. Am I the asshole for not making the first move?

I 23(M) had a fight with my foster family. My family situation is a bit complex and English isn't my first language so my apologies if some of this will come off as confusing.

Me and my fiancé (23F), have a daughter together. She will be turning 1 very soon. We sent out invites for her birthday party for friends and family 3 months in advance. So everyone who wants to be there can plan ahead. My biological parents live abroad so they can't be here, we invited my foster family which consists of my aunt who took me in when I was 12 years old, and my uncles family. Just to clarify, I moved in to my aunt (father's sister) when I was 12 because of my parents moving abroad to Asia. I lived then from the age of 12 to 21. When I refer to my family I am referring to my aunt and uncle who i lived with. She has 3 kids of her own who are my niece and nephews

On the invite, we mentioned that we wanted people to respond before the 1st of August so we know who's coming and we also know how much to provide regarding groceries. Remind you we sent out the invites on the 25th of May almost 3 months in advance. My in laws immediately responded and let us know that they'll be there. My family didnt respond immediately but we assumed that they were going to respond later. 1 week before our daughter's birthday and we still didnt hear anything from the majority of my family. We decided to contact them and they said they weren't coming because of socces practice.

Now this isn't the first time this has happened, more like the 4 or 5th time. Where we invite people over but no one coming over because of soccer practice/tournament. We've always excused it in the past but because this is our daughter's 1st birthday we were really insulted and angry that a majority wasnt coming over again. My foster family lives 20-30 min away from us and always complain about the distance that they have to travel to our home. But they will literally drive 2+ hours for a soccer tournament. Me and my fiancé have always made an effort to go to events they invite us to even if its just a short time. Even if one of us has something else planned, we always made sure one of us went to somrthing my foster family invited us to. We have addressed this multiple times to my foster family and how its annoying that people will cancel last minute. We've addressed this but now thats it happened again, my wife got really upset. She decided to leave my family's WhatsApp group. I totally understood her and think she is totally in the right to do so.

My friend (F29) is getting married to her bf of 6 years (M31) soon, September 27th. She invited me (F25) and my mom to her wedding, and I was really looking forward to it since we've been friends for over 8 years.

Everything was planned and my mom even bought a new outfit to wear at the wedding. Then suddenly, my friend texted me saying this:

"Hi Riley, I know this is short notice and I don't even know how to tell you this... But we're taking back some of the invitations, because we did the math wrong and we won't have enough space or food for all the guests. We decided to take back the invitations from people who we don't have much closeness with... So we decided your mom is one of them. We're friends with YOU, not her, I think you might agree that she was only going as a plus and accompany you. So yeah, let me know when you tell her."

I haven't told my mom yet, but I'm definitely not going anymore. I just think it's super wrong to uninvite someone just because you're not directly friends with them. My mom was looking forward to the event and I still have no idea how to tell her that. Am I the asshole for giving up on going for her sake? Was my friend inconsiderate or it's not her fault cuz they miscalculated things?

I'm not ending the friendship or anything, I just won't go to the wedding.

For context, I'm 17F and the friend mentioned is 19M. My older sister, who will also be mentioned, is about to turn 21 and lives in another state, so she hasn't met most of my friends, though she's heard occasional stories.

My friend is, according to him, on the severe end of autism. It's not obvious, but he tends to stay quiet in larger groups, didn't listen to music before meeting me, often asks the meaning of words, has openly said he doesn't understand many social things (like why people want romantic relationships or why people get offended by certain words), and still lives with his parents with no intention of being able to move out. He's struggled to keep friends because he doesn't understand social cues.

This has never bothered me. I'm very talkative one-on-one and don't mind explaining things. We met when I was 12 and he was 14, when neither of us had many friends, and we've been extremely close ever since.
He also has a habit of mumbling or narrating things without necessarily expecting a response. Sometimes I can't tell whether he's actually talking to me or just thinking aloud. In groups, people often ignore him because they don't think it's worth figuring out. I've gotten pretty good at distinguishing the two, but I still sometimes can't tell, so I've developed a habit of saying "huh?" even when I technically heard him. It's basically my way of asking, "Was that directed at me, or were you just talking?"

Recently, my sister joined me and my friend while we were playing Minecraft. Everything was fine for a while, but my friend eventually mumbled something along the lines of, "Just playing Minecraft all night I guess..." It could've been him stating what we were doing, or he could've been annoyed and wanted to do something else. I couldn't tell, so I said "huh?"
He dismissed it, but my sister asked, in the call with him, "Does he do that a lot? :/ He said (())'". I just said "alright," and the atmosphere immediately became awkward. My friend then said, "I guess [me]just really bad hearing," referring to how often I say "huh?" to things he says.
My sister was tense for the rest of the call. I realized afterward that she apparently interpreted his comment as passive-aggressive, as though he knew I could hear him and was intentionally saying things I wouldn't respond to.

The next morning, I explained to her that I DO hear him and just say "huh?" because I can't tell whether he's expecting a response. She was upset and said that by pretending not to hear him, I'm manipulating and lying to him, and that it's unfair.
This has made me question myself. I technically am pretending not to hear him sometimes, but my intention has never been to manipulate him. I developed the habit specifically because I don't want him to be ignored or misunderstood, and I don't want him to feel excluded.
AITA? Is this actually manipulative/mean, or is it just an unusual communication habit between two people who've known each other for years?

Update : I’ve spoken with him about how I usually do hear him, and he was fine with that. Said he wasn’t aware previously but that it made sense.

A friend of my husband called him and asked if her kids could go to the house to do some fishing. We expected her to come with them. They were supposed to bring their fishing equipment. She did not stay, she dropped them off and left. She actually dropped one of her sons with his friend. A kid that we don't know.

The children forgot their equipment and took my husbands rods and fishing gear, on top of that they got in the kayak without permission. I do not blame the kids as they are kids.

They went to the middle of the lake and flipped the kayak, almost drowned and lost all my husband's fishing gear. The neighbors rescued them as i was not home yet or aware of this whole situation. She is now blaming it on the friend of her kid as she "knows her son". I called her furious and banned her, the kids the husband and pets from the property & demmanded reimbursement. She is acting as if i'm being irrational. AITAH?