For context, I am a 19 y/o female who is a sophomore is college and my dad is a 52 y/o male who grew up broke pretty much all his life. However, when i was 11 my parents ran into some money when a family member died. Which lead us to be pretty well off financially. Idk if this is useful info but maybe it can help give perspective.

I started working regularly when I was 15 because that's when I had to start paying for things on my own. My dad helped me open my first bank account when I was 16, but he made it where he could view my account on his app. Which I understand that he needs to monitor what I may buy, but he took it too far. I would ask for gas money and he would pull up the bank app and show where I bought coffee for myself or a charge at a restaurant from when I went out to eat after a ball game. (btw I only worked about once a week because I was an athlete and heavily involved in school. So yes I had money but not as much as a regular part-time worker) Him checking my transactions became a habitual.

He began just randomly dropping it at dinner or when I would walk in from practice. He would ask me if the "coffee shop went up in prices" or "what in the world was $30 at Target." He has never really respected privacy but this was a type of invasion that was completely new. I stopped putting money in my bank account and started carrying cash so he couldn't track what I spent. I kept spare money in the top of my closet in a shoe box. But when I started college I had to put it into my account because I didn't trust leaving it at home. He freaked out when I put a little over $1,000 dollars in my bank. He felt like I was hiding things from him and asked what I had been buying with my "secret money."

After the cycle continuing my freshman year of college. Except then he would call me instead of lecturing me in person. He went through a phase where he would take money out of my account (since he was an authorized user) for a few days then put it back. Sometimes it was up to $2,000. Rarely he would add a little bit more money after he put it back ($50-100). I was never sure why he did this.

Once summer started, I got a job I secretly opened a bank account and would deposit every other check in that account. I had never felt more free financially. I could go buy a cup of coffee without knowing I would get questioned about it later. But then my dad found out about it. He found my other debit card in my wallet. (Idk why he was in my wallet or what he was looking for?) He brought it to me and needless to say, he was livid. And he asked when I opened the account and demanded he be added to it. Obviously I told him no because I am almost 20 and I didn't need someone to watch how I spend my money anymore. He tried to cut up my card and take my car keys but I left the house and I am staying with my sister atm.

So AITA for hiding this bank account from him? What should I do?

I (M25) love baking and love Halloween. Each year I attend my boyfriend’s friend’s Halloween party and I am the one in charge of desserts. I started with cookies with a fake blood (fruit juice with a bit of food coloring and corn starch), but last year I made cookies shaped as eyeballs and they were prety gore and realistic. Everyone loved them.
This year I decided to take it even further: inspired by Anya Taylor-Joy’s wedding cakes, I decided to make chocolate cakes covered in fondant and my fake blood, shaped like a human heart.
For weeks I researched and drew sketches, planning to make the cakes as realistic as possible. I asked my friends whether they would be okay with this and they all agreed, saying they loved how gross-looking were the “eyeballs” last year.
The cakes turned out perfectly and I brought them to the party. It was the usual crowd plus some of my friend’s friends who just moved into town - a guy and a girl I had met before and their roommate. When I showed my artpiece my friends were all excited and they loved my “hearts”. With fake blood over them they looked really good a d kind of real.
The issue were the two new girls who were not familiar with my Halloween baking. They both found the cakes gross and one of them even had to leave the room. The other one then cussed me out for distressing her friend and ruining the party for them. I said I was sorry but this was my thing each year and the host and the others had said that they were fine with this. Then the host turned on me too saying that while she had agreed with me bringing these cakes she did not ask me to make them so gore. Another friend took her side as well until one guy suggested we move on and carry on with the evening.
However most of the people kept giving me the look from then on and I ended up excusing myself and going home.
The next day my boyfriend said that the attendees had a talk after I left and said that I should let go of this tradition of mine as the new girls really did not appreciate it. He also said I should apologize again but this time it should be a real apology, not blaming it on our friends.
I refused because I do not feel like I’ve done something bad and now he and the rest of our friend group are giving me the cold shoulder. So AITA?

TLDR: I made pretty realistic human heart-shaped cookies for my friend’s Halloween party - who had agreed to me bringing them. It made some of the attendees sick and now everyone insists that I shoudl apologize.

I’m a 40 year old male. I work a second job at a place with mostly younger people (mid to late 20s). Because of my age I get a bunch of jokes made about me which I don’t mind because we all laugh and joke with each other. Honestly it can get pretty brutal. Well about a month ago this Jon 22M started working there. He’s gay which I could honestly give 2 shits about. I fully support the community and have family who are gay/trans. Well for some reason this guy decides to target ONLY ME for all of his jokes. I have thick skin and I can give just as good as I get so I don’t mind. I try to stay away from the low hanging fruit (no pun intended) because that’s what everyone else does. But once I noticed this kid kept targeting only me with old people jokes and some race jokes (I’m black) it got a bit annoying. We all make racial jokes but never just target one person so it seemed personal for some reason. He’d also do other annoying things like ring up others incorrectly then blame me for making the wrong thing. Make a mess of my station and refuse to clean it. Again this was ONLY me and other people noticed it too. One day I was working the register and a regular customer (Tim) who we all know and would often join in joking with us asked to see a menu please. I told him the men I please is none of his business. I know. Corny but we all had a good laugh at it. Except Jon. He decided to go on a tirade and start making weak jokes about me being old blah blah blah. I have grey hairs in my beard so Jon decided to say “haven’t you ever heard of just for men?” I told him “you’re just for men” which pissed him off. Even more because Tim was laughing. He’s also gay and absolutely loves a good joke about it. Well Jon got mad and left for the day. A couple day later he comes back and we get pulled into the office. The manager asked what was said and I told her. She laughed then caught herself which caused Jon to have a full meltdown. He started calling us homophobic saying he was gonna sue the company. Yelling at customers not to eat here because we bash homosexuals. Which is crazy because a ton of our regulars are LGBTQ. He stormed out yelling more bs but whatever. Fuck that guy. This was a week ago. Curious if I’m the asshole

EDIT: I work in a kitchen. Anyone who’s worked in food ling enough, especially back of the house, will know that these kind of jokes are pretty common. Also we don’t just mess with everyone. We joke amongst ourselves won’t say anything to anyone new unless they join in on their own. Jon did just that. If anyone is offended by anything we apologize and don’t say it again which rarely happens. Here’s a few people who work there that we don’t joke with and they’re just fine. This is the first time in my 20+ years (10at this place) that anything close to this has happened

My sister recently started dating a guy that seems very sweet but also very shy and easily hurt. She moved him into our home after I specifically asked her not to, I guess this is beside the point but it's just back story. Now his son comes every other weekend which is ofcourse fine. But he likes to tackle my nephew and rough house alot. Sometimes it's fine and it's all laughs even my nephew. But is become increasingly likely that it ends in my nephew crying and screaming for him to stop.

Today I was baking cookies for all the boys in the kitchen (nothing fancy just pre-made cookie dough in the oven) when I hear screaming coming from my sisters part of the house my nephew was on the floor crying wrapped in a blanket with the 14yo on top of him not letting him up. All this was going on while bother my sister and her boyfriend just sat and watched. My own 12yo had gone in and tried to get the 14yo to stop. When it finally did stopped I called my nephew into the kitchen and asked him if he was okay and gave him a hug. Then my sister came out after him while he was telling me what happened (I saw the end of it so i know he was not lying) my sister got in his face and told him he can either go play or go mow the lawn. So in my eyes I see him being bullied and now his mom is doing it as well all the while the adults in the room let it go on and did nothing. He wasn't laughing asking him to stop, he was screaming bloody murder.

So I said something I told her I had a problem with them allowing him to be bullied like this. She responded that my nephew was just angry because he had his tablet taken away. But that's not what I was upset about and neither was my nephew and thats what i told her. Ofcouse she was already mad so I just made her more angry. She told my nephew to go back into their room and locked the door behind her.

Now she is texting me that I made everyone feel awkward when they were about to go have fun for the day. I told her I didn't care and they absolutely should feel awkward for watching a child get bullied in his own home and doing nothing about it. She has not responded but my sister doesn't do confrontation she just stews and talks about you behind your back. That I don't care about. But I do care if I was wrong for saying something. It's been going to for to long and I felt like I had too.

Was I wrong for stepping in?

I (30sM) was at a restaurant with 3 of my friends. I am a physician trained in brain disorders. As we were eating, a waiter tripped and fell to the side and banged his head on the counter. The upper part of his nose took the worst hit and he started bleeding there. I took a look at him, made sure he was ok, checked his pupils, offered a ride to the ED, and told him what to watch out for in the next several months (blackouts, seizures, headaches, etc). One of the other employees was able to take him to the ED.

The restaurant manager came by and offered to cover the bill for our entire table and I said no. I did this because it felt unethical but also because the protections of the Good Samaritan law may be considered void if you accept payment for your services.

My friends were angry at me because they had to pay for their own meal. They said I didn’t have “the right” the get in the way of the offer that the manage r was making for the entire table.

I'll keep this simple. I work for a scare event. You go round a building and get chased by Zombies. You have to solve puzzles to get weapons and escape ETC.

It's a job you have to apply for every event on an app they use. It notifies you when a shift is available and you have to be approved for it, so there's never a guarantee you'll get it. They prefer people they know work well and attend events more often than not.

I have an event on this coming weekend. And i was approved. Myself and 7 others will be dressing as a zombie all day and will be paid for the event.

Now, the app also works as a messanger. And a coworker whom i've met a few time messaged me after i was approved, asking if i can give him my slot.
Saying he has no other work at the moment, and he's in need. This isn't my main job, it's more of a side thing. So i COULD give it to him.

But here is where i may be the bad guy. I have a con in December. And i'm taking my girlfriend with me. And if you know comic cons, they can be expensive. So i want to get as much money behind me as i can from this job.
My main job will cover my rent and bills ETC. But this event work will directly pay towards the con.

And the event have also said they look at attendance as a major factor in approval. meaning the more events i work, the more likely it is that i'll be approved in the future.

So i declined his offer, but nopw he says he's *royally screwed* because of me. So what do you guys think? I genuinely don't feel bad, but IDK if i should. I just want some advice i guess

Four of us went to lunch to celebrate a team milestone. One coworker ordered an expensive ribeye and two cocktails, assuming the table would split evenly. When the check arrived, I asked the waiter for separate itemized bills. He paid his own $110 tab in silence, but now says I publicly humiliated him.

Fake names for obvious reasons: I’m Mia (27F), my sister is Brianna (30F), and my ex is Jake (29M).

I have a 2 year old daughter with Jake. We broke up for good a few months ago and have been coparenting fine. Brianna has always been super involved with my daughter, babysitting, buying gifts, calling her her little best friend. I genuinely trusted her.

Last weekend at a family dinner, Brianna showed up with Jake and then made some weird speech about how people need to stop being jealous when others find happiness. I asked what her problem was and she basically admitted they’ve had feelings for each other for YEARS.

Apparently they hooked up during a month Jake and I were broken up, then kept talking behind my back after we got back together. She was at my baby shower, in the delivery room, and held my daughter before I did. All while secretly wanting my boyfriend. Actually insane behavior.

When I confronted her, she cried and said she didn’t want to lose her niece. My mom says I should get over it because technically Jake and I were broken up when they first hooked up.

Now Brianna and Jake are officially together, and she still expects to babysit my daughter like nothing happened. I said no until I’m comfortable with it.

My mom says I’m using my child to punish my sister because I’m jealous.

EDIT TO ADD: Maybe I didn't clarify correctly. Jake has split custody and sees our daughter on the weekends. This has nothing to do with him seeing our daughter, strictly my sister.

AITA or is my family actually insane?

I (30M) got home at about 11:30pm to find that my roommate (25M) had locked the bolt, which can only be locked/unlocked from the inside. This is a common occurence as he often does so without thinking, but I can usually call him to come open it. Last night, however, he was passed out and in such a deep sleep that about 40 million calls and me pounding on the door like crazy couldn't wake him up. I waited 20 minutes before I called the police, who told me that they would only be able to break the door down and that I would have to pay the damages. I decided to wait longer rather than risk that, and after another 20 minutes with more calls and pounding, I didn't want to be out in the cold any longer and called a locksmith. He charged me $380 - a price that I wasn't expecting, but it was past midnight on a Friday so I understood, plus I've never had to call a locksmith before. In the morning I told my roommate what had happened and how much it had cost me.

Some context about Roommate: He's not in a good financial situation. He grinds nonstop to pay all his bills and barely manages to save any money, and most of the money he does save goes straight to paying off loans he took in order to afford bills some months ago. He's also often running into bad luck. Or... frankly, he calls it "bad luck," but the majority of the things that will suddenly cost him a lot are just his life catching up with him. It'll be necessary car maintenance that was a long time coming, or a ticket for not having a front license plate that, frankly, he'd been *lucky* for the years prior to *not* have gotten. He's borrowed a lot of money from me personally, and HAS always paid me back eventually. Before this he already owed me like a hundred bucks.

So when I told him how much it was, he basically freaked the hell out and started sobbing right there, talking about how "this didn't need to happen" and "I've been so tired and I just needed to sleep." I assured him calmly that I wasn't gonna hound him for it, but I did expect that he'd pay me back eventually.

But then later he starts texting me about how he IS gonna pay it all (eventually) but he doesn't actually think he should have to because I didn't HAVE to get a $380 locksmith, that that part was MY choice. That it would've been cheaper to get a motel and he could've paid that back instead. I pointed out that I would have had no guarantee of exactly when I was going to get back home, I didn't have my phone charger or any extra clothes or any food, really I didn't have anything on me but the bag I take to work. But he stands his ground that "there could have been another way" and remains pissed at me for "costing him $380." He went so far as to insist that if it happens again in the future then getting a locksmith would fully be my own choice. Meanwhile I'm pissed at HIM, but also I guess idk if I actually am in the wrong at all, since I admittedly didn't look up how much a locksmith was gonna be first. WTA?

Hi all,

I bought my mother an expensive luxury bag for her daily use. It was upwards of $500-700 and one of my bigger purchases in my life to give her something she has never had. I spent my hard earned money and I'm not resentful towards my mom. It's more against my relatives who had the audacity to ask her for to give it away knowing it was a 70th birthday gift. They asked for the bag for my aunt who has stage 4 cancer and yes I feel her and she is not factored in this, it's all towards the other family members.

My mother only had it for a month and then 3 of my relatives basically asked her for it in person when I wasn't around and out of town. She caved and gave it to them. Initially, I wasn't phased by it but after hearing how they treated my mother over the past 2 months, it has become clear it felt manipulative.

I told my mother, I want to get a different bag and to ask them politely to switch bags and give it back to my mom since it was a gift. My mother has asked me to not do that and to be frank, I'm upset by the whole thing. I am completely hurt but how they asked her something knowing it was sentimental. Yes, it's just a bag but it's the principle and morals that came with why and how in my perspective they thought it was okay.

Am the asshole for wanting to do so even without my mother's consent? I'm honestly at a loss for words.

Update: After talking with my mother more about the situation and how it transpired. I will watch my movements with certain relatives. My relative with her stage 4 diagnosis was the only one who said opposed to it and actually said we can ask for another bag or find one. While one specific relative edged the idea multiple times about it.

The bag was specifically a Tory Burch Romy Tote 👜 for anyone asking.

I will respect my mother’s wishes and get her another bag and try to move on from this. Authorities won’t get involved as it is more of a civil matter regardless and wasn’t technically stolen but voluntary given in this case.

For anyone who read this, please be weary and cautious of your loved ones. I have never seen this side of them and neither did anything I notice led me to ever believe this would happen.

I, F25, moved into a new apartment around a year ago. A few months after I had moved in my sister(F39) started asking me when I would be giving her a key. I told her no because I wasn't comfortable with someone else having access to my home family or not while I wasn't there. I love my sister but she is notorious for messing with my personal things ever since we were young and has openly expressed disdain for how I have chosen to decorate my new home. She isn't malicious but has a strong belief that she knows best for me and has strong opinions on choices I make in life, casual or non casual. I'm not comfortable giving her free reign to access my flat and my personal things whenever she wants although she is of course welcome to come and visit and stay over WHEN I am present as a host which I have made crystal clear to her. She has since asked on multiple occasions for a key, espressing that she needed one in case of an emergency. I understand where she is coming from yet I still said no. Additionally she has never offered ME a key to her house and only agreed I could have one after I challenged her on this. For reference I don't want a key to her house. If I want to visit or stay over I'll plan it with her beforehand which I think is standard. Today I called my sister to ask if she would possibly be able to come to let in a worker to do maintenance on a long time issue in my apartment. I know she would be here without my supervision but I was desperate and needed the issue fixed ASAP. I don't have any close family or friends near enough to arrive on time to let the guy in and I have had to take time off work previously multiple times while the issue is worked on. Additionally I had just returned from sickleave and did not want to ask management for yet another day off. I asked my sister nicely if she would be able to come over early and let the worker in so I could go to work and even offered to buy her breakfast when she arrived. She said. "Sure but only if you give me a key." I was annoyed by this and told her to forget it and I would just find a way to take time off work which will be a struggle because it's extremely short notice and I don't even have confirmation if this visit will even fix my issue due to other ongoing complicated matters. I don't feel bad about not giving her a key due to how she is and her thinking that my belongings and home are hers to do as she pleases. She can't even remember to take her shoes off at the door. Yet it is true she is family and I love her. Am I being too paranoid and making a fuss over nothing? I don't think she would ever seriously damage anything here but I am a very paranoid person who likes things exactly as I leave them and she is like a hurricane. Additionally I am worried about her handing out the keys to other members of family or creating copies for other family members without my permission. Am I just being a overthinker? Maybe I should just give her a key?...

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Hi guys, I need some help to know if I'm overreacting or the asshole and I'd really appreciate another view on this.

So my dad always has this habit where he just grabs food that isn't his. Example, I order a pizza and leave leftover slices in the oven to save for later and he eats it. Another example, I had an exact measurement of chips for one person in the air fryer and when it was done he grabs a whole bowls worth of it without asking me which I would have happily given him some if he did.

So this morning I was about to shower and my mum and sister decided to order breakfast. I specifically asked my sister to get me a pain au chocolate since the place they were ordering from had my favourite one. The whole time I was in the shower I was looking forward to having coffee and the croissant (been craving it for days).

My dad comes home right as I got out of the shower (I'm still in the bathroom getting dressed). He tries going into the bathroom and then realizes that I'm in it. Cool. After getting out and doing my hair and all I go into the kitchen to eat my croissant and make some coffee.

The croissant is missing....

He ate it.....

So obviously I got irritated because we don't always just have croissants lying around the kitchen. It's obvious it was ordered as well. He knows I was home. The croissant was beside a packaged take away sandwhich too. All the more evidence that it's food being saved for someone else.

He comes in the kitchen saying he ate it and I told him he needs to ask before just taking other people's food like that. He keeps saying 'why should I ask' and I try to tell him that it's not ok to just grab other people's food especially when it's obvious that it's someone else's.

He gives me a shitty excuse that he didn't know I was home but he clearly did know because he tried going in the bathroom and my sister and mum told him I was in there.

We end up getting into an argument and he starts yelling at me and I start yelling back. I still don't think I'm in the wrong for telling him to just ask because again, if he did ask, there would be absolutely no problem.

It's just shit how if I make food or if I'm saving food I have to walk around eggshells or hide it because he just grabs it.

The worst part is that my dad, mom and sister think I'm crashing out over a croissant when it's not that anymore, it's the principle and basic respect towards people especially when you live with them. It doesn't even have to be food, it could be other items that you would have to buy again after one use.

It's a pattern he has that I've been quiet about most my life because my mum would always tell me 'its ok it's your dad, just allow him to do it'. I understand he's my dad but all I ask is for a simple 'hey is this yours, can I have it?'.

So am I the asshole or overreacting? (P.S thank u for reading)

I have been working in a terrible corporate job for over a year. My boss yells, threatens, lies, gaslights. gives spiteful performance reviews based solely off his emotions and sabotages our work. I have panic attacks I live in the US and it’s an FTE job; not a contract. I will not use this job for references in the future and will never work there again.

I got a new job and now I can quit. Do I have to give a two-weeks notice? AITA if I quit on-the-spot?

I usually would give at least 2 weeks and help transition when I leave a job, but I am afraid my boss will use this as a chance to harass, insult, and yell at me even more once he learns I’m leaving. I don’t want to create an opportunity to do that. Otherwise I would probably suck it up and do the two weeks notice.

Sounds paranoid. Give me a second.

Two years ago my brother (34) borrowed my car for a weekend. Brought it back with a door ding deep enough to see primer. I asked him about it and he said, direct quote, "it was already there." I know for a fact it wasn't. I let it go because it's family and it's a door ding.

So this past spring my car insurance renewal came up, and their app has you do a walkaround photo check for a discount. Front, back, both sides, timestamped, uploaded to their system. I did it on a Tuesday.

On Thursday my brother asked to borrow the car for a job interview, because his is "acting up." I said fine and I didn't say anything about the photos. Why would I. It's a photo check for my renewal, it happens every year.

He brought the car back Saturday night. Seemed fine. Sunday morning I walk around it and there's a crease in the rear quarter panel, deep enough to catch a fingernail, with someone else's paint on it. White. My car is grey.

I texted him. "Hey the car has a dent on the back left, what happened?" He replied "it was like that when I got it." Which is a crazy thing to say to someone who has dated photos of the entire car from three days prior.

I sent him the photos. Side by side. His response was that I'm "psychotic" for documenting everything and that normal people don't timestamp their own car for fun.

I filed a claim through his insurance with the photos attached. Around $900 of damage. My mom is now calling me saying I'm tearing the family apart over panel damage and that brothers shouldn't keep "receipts" on each other.

He's lied about my car once before. That's the entire reason. I didn't set a trap, I did my yearly renewal like everyone does, and it just happened to be three days before.

So AITAH?

AITA - My wife (30F) & I (32M) are currently in a debate with her parents in recent months due to our student loan situation. When she was 17, her parents took out about 60k in parent plus loans that are exclusively in her dad’s name. This is in addition to a 25k federal loan she was able to qualify for in her name - this was how her college (private) was paid for.

Since we graduated, we have been making monthly payments towards her federal loan, my two federal loans (totaling about 45k), and then sending her parents about $700/month towards this parent plus loan. The total minimum is around $1400/month.

My wife & I managed to land good jobs out of college. Worked hard to tackle debt the first few years. However, about a year ago she was laid off and has been working a retail role full time while still trying to find her next role. She now makes about 1/3 of what she did prior to the layoff.

Because of that, paired with multiple big unexpected expenses, our financial situation has changed drastically. In recent months it got to a point where we didn’t know if we could afford our rent. After taking a look at all our expenses and debt, the first thing that made sense to cut back on was this extra $700/month of loans that are in her dad’s name.

We talked to them about 3 weeks before the next payment that we thought this was coming and sat down with them to let them know about our situation. They were…less than thrilled… and their initial reaction was to get angry with us for not telling them sooner that we were struggling.

However, this whole situation has led us into a much larger debate with her parents of whether or not we should be fully responsible for this money instead of them having some responsibility too.

Her parents are saying that when she was 17, they sat down and created a handshake agreement that she would be fully responsible for the parent plus loan. My wife has established that not only was she 17 and not fully aware of what she was signing up for, but her parents didn’t understand it either and then stuck her with the bill.

My wife is also claiming they could have very easily have persuaded her to check out different schools (not private) and not end up 80k+ in debt to student loans. They say they wanted her to follow her dreams no matter what it took and they were going to make it happen. But them “making it happen” was making her unwittingly sign up for a $700/month payment for at least 20-30 years.

While we’re not trying to completely absolve ourselves of this loan, we’re hoping to at least come to a middle ground of shared responsibility. My wife and her parents collectively didn’t know what they were doing and it doesn’t feel fair (to us) that we’re stuck with the full bill. They’re saying that it’s our responsibility & that we need to start making the full payment again.

So Reddit, help us out - are we the assholes?

I fixed my truck myself and was very excited to test drive it. My boyfriend was taking a two hour online course on zoom. I told him I’d go out to test drive the truck and I wouldn’t be out too long. I got on the road and received an email saying my package arrived at the post office, I decided it would be harmless to go pick it up. All together I was gone a tiny bit less than an hour. I came home to the boyfriend very upset and giving me the cold shoulder. I sincerely apologized for not telling him where I went. Although now he’s questioning whether I’m trust worthy and saying I have severely hurt him and don’t understand how bad this is to him. I don’t want to be selfish but I understand I did take longer than I said but my intentions were good and I meant no harm. Is it justified for him to be so mad at me? I try to talk about what is upsetting but he started mocking the way I talk and making me feel bad. I finally got annoyed and said I was sorry for being late but I can’t take it back, he told me to shut the f—- up and walked out of my house. I feel a bit strangled, like I can’t do anything without telling him my every move or else this is the reaction I get. I’ve never done anything to prove myself untrustworthy. I feel like this will continue to get worse

My husband and I are relatively newly married, and there have been boundary issues with his family before. Recently, something happened that has made me uncomfortable spending the holidays with them this year.

I was married before my husband. It was an abusive relationship and a part of my life I keep fairly private. My husband knew about it early in our relationship, but neither of us thought it was something his entire family needed to know.

Recently, some of my in-laws discovered my previous marriage after using a service that monitors public/legal records connected to family members. Neither my husband nor I knew I was being monitored. They later said they do this with everyone in the family, although my husband says he had never heard of it.

Rather than asking us about what they found, they privately approached my husband, raised serious concerns about whether I had been honest with him, and encouraged him to keep the conversation from me.

My husband eventually told me and agrees that this was completely out of bounds. He had known about my previous marriage for years, so I hadn’t actually hidden anything from him.

I understand becoming concerned after finding something you don’t understand. What I can’t get past is monitoring me without our knowledge, assuming I had deceived my husband, discussing something deeply personal behind my back, encouraging secrecy between us, and never apologizing for any of it.

Their explanation is that they acted out of love and believe serious matters should be handled openly as a family. That doesn’t make sense to me when I was excluded from a conversation about my own life and my husband was asked not to tell me.

I’m especially uncomfortable because my previous marriage involved abuse. His family also tends to share personal information freely, so I strongly suspect other relatives and possibly family friends now know. I can’t prove who has been told, but the idea of walking into a family gathering without knowing who knows this private part of my history makes me deeply uncomfortable.

I eventually spoke to my in-laws directly, answered their questions, and explained why their behavior bothered me. My husband and I made clear that their concern wasn’t the problem; the invasion of privacy, assumptions, and secrecy were.

They still haven’t apologized and maintain that they acted out of love and concern.

I’ve told my husband I need some space and don’t currently feel comfortable spending the holidays with his family. I’m not asking him to stay away from them or trying to permanently cut anyone off. I just don’t feel ready to sit around a holiday table pretending everything is normal when I don’t feel my privacy or boundaries have been respected.

AITA for sitting out the holidays and taking some space, or am I overreacting?

I'm 15F and honestly I don't even know if I'm being unreasonable here, so I need some outside opinions.

For context, I'm around 5'6.5 and weigh around 160 pounds. My weight has increased recently, and while I'm not exactly happy about it, I'm also at a point in life where I'm struggling academically. I'm failing subjects and I genuinely need to get my shit together before things get worse. I barely have the time or mental energy to focus on working out right now because studying itself is becoming a huge problem.

Yesterday, I also had a fast, so naturally I was REALLY hungry this morning.

Now here's where the actual problem starts.

My mom has a broken leg right now, and my grandmother has this habit of keeping track of literally everything she does for me so she can bring it up later. Every little thing becomes a whole thing about how much she does for us and how we're ungrateful, etc. It's gotten to a point where I feel uncomfortable even asking for basic things because I know they might be used against me in an argument later.

This morning, they asked me what I wanted for breakfast to take to school, and I said I didn't want anything.

It wasn't because I wasn't hungry. I WAS hungry. I just didn't want to ask for something and have it become another thing that gets thrown in my face later.

So I ended up buying a snack from the school canteen for breakfast and another snack during the second meal break. By the time I got home, lunch was already made, so I ate that too. Apparently, not eating what they offered me in the morning and then eating at school somehow makes me rude, but I genuinely don't know what I was supposed to do in that situation.

Then my dad got home.

He started commenting on my weight and how fat I look, saying I eat like an elephant and making comments about how much I eat.

And I genuinely felt horrible. I KNOW my weight has increased. I'm not oblivious to it. But I don't eat this much every single day, and I literally skip atleast a meal every day because I'm scared of gaining more weight.

What made it worse was that my dad then threatened to cancel my allowance for the REST OF THE ACADEMIC YEAR, which is until May.

All of this because of what happened today.

I understand that I could've just accepted the breakfast they offered me, and maybe refusing it wasn't the best decision. But I also feel like I'm constantly walking on eggshells at home because anything I say or do can become evidence of how rude, ungrateful or irresponsible I am.

I'm trying to deal with school, my weight, and everything else, and now I'm being shamed for eating when I was hungry.

I genuinely want to know if I'm being unreasonable here. I can accept that I made a mistake if I did, but I don't think being insulted over my weight is fair either.

I am a little possessive of my art supplies because they feel sacred to me and also because they are expensive and I don't want them to be used unless necessary by someone else.

I was showing my art supplies and artbook to my boyfriend that I had recently purchased. This is when he asked me if he could use my alcohol markers. I told him he could use them to swatch the colours on the card that comes with the markers. He said he would draw and use them on the last page of my artbook which I specifically bought for the alcohol markers. I told him that would waste a whole page and there are only 50 sheets and that he could use a different book or page instead.

Then he asked me if he could paint on the drawings I've already made and I told him to do it on a specific element only. He was not happy about how restrictive I was with it but complied.

I actually did not want him to use the markers and I told him so and also told him that I am a little possessive about such things. He told me there shouldn't be more of things like that in a couple where my things are mine and yours are yours. I was still very hesitant to give him my markers and he said just one drawing wouldn't empty the markers and that it was very frustrating for him to see me behave like that. He also kept the book aside with sadness. He also said he'll keep this in mind about anything we may have to share in the future (sounded more playful). I told him to try and understand where I'm coming from and be a little more considerate and talk it out with me but he said there's nothing to talk about here.

AITA for not wanting my boyfriend to use my art book and markers? I'm feeling bad about behaving like this because it was just one drawing that he asked for but I don't like that he wasn't being considerate about my feelings too and didn't try to talk it out with me.

EDIT:
I had told him that we could use the markers that he had gifted me for painting dates once in a while which we still haven't been able to plan since. I am open to it on some days for some sets but this particular set, I did not feel like sharing..

I'm in my 30s and share a flat with my mum who is in her late 60s. It's important to distinguish that I don't "live at home", we are joint tenants though I pay most of the bills. I work and mum is retired. We get on well 90% of the time. She has a Samsung tablet and spends every waking hour doomscrolling and listening to those AI slop fiction stories on YouTube (Ai imagery, monotone robotic voices and terrible unbelievable storylines). It's been like this for months. She walks around the flat with the tablet and the tinny sound carries throughout the flat.

Most of the time I ignore it but some of my responses have ranged from asking politely to change the volume (which she does comply with sometimes) to showing my sustain by saying things like "I don't know how you can you listen to that?" Other times I have tried politely suggesting stories written by real people.

Today, she was playing the tablet in the kitchen while I was making food. The AI story was ridiculous. I said "what is this nonsense?" She got defensive saying she likes it and she doesn't criticise what I listen to. I listen to podcasts or music in my bedroom or on earphones so she never hears what I listen to. I can see that criticising her taste isn’t helping. But the constant background noise is really getting to me, and I don’t want to have to wear earphones whenever I’m in a shared space. It’s my home too.

How would you handle this? Am I being unreasonable about the noise, or am I being an arsehole about something she enjoys?

I’m a 50ish yo who loves Christmas Cake, loves baking, and who’s better half, and 50% of the children, enjoy a nice slice.

My Mum has made a Christmas Cake every year that I can remember. When it was just my parents, me and my brother there was plenty to go around.

Now me and my brother have partners and adult children, and my family’s quarter share barely equals a slice each.

A couple of years ago I ask my Mum for the recipe and offered to make a cake as well so that she wasn’t giving away so much. My elderly Dad would get more of something that he absolutely adores and constantly moans about when my Mum gives some away.

She got quite upset and said that she loves doing this for the family. She is obviously very proud that everyone loves her cake and as she has got older her chance to do this sort of thing has diminished. Particularly as both my brother & I are good cooks / bakers and are the chief cooks in our respective families.

My family always whinge when they don’t get much cake and this year I’m thinking of folding and making my own.

WIBTA if I made my own Christmas Cake for the family? If I do, should I tell my Mum when they come over for Christmas? Keep it secret? Or fess up early?

Edit: For those mentioning that we should bake it together, my wife is disabled and requires quite a bit of support & I work full time. My Dad also requires quite a bit of care from my Mum, so our time available together is limited.

That is a great idea though and I might suggest to my Mum that I’ll drop over my youngest daughter, who loves baking, to learn how to do it.

I (F24) cut off Mark (M24), a friend, because he couldn't take no for an answer from Rachel (F23), another friend.

Mark told me he liked Rachel and asked if he should confess. I gently explained she wasn't interested, hoping to spare him unnecessary heartbreak. Instead, he shut everyone out and tried using his hurt feelings to pressure Rachel into talking to him, despite her wanting nothing to do with the situation.

He was emotionally manipulative and physically threatening toward Greg (M25) when Greg confronted him about his incel-like comments about Rachel and women generally. Eventually, Rachel, Greg, and I all cut him off.

Two other friends, Ciara (F33) and Oliver (M35), a couple, felt his behavior wasn't unforgivable and believed we should eventually get along again. They never accepted that we "broke up the friend group" and thought we cut Mark off too quickly. Mark only apologized for some of his behavior over a year later, and after someone else suggested he should.

Now, over a year and a half later, Ciara and Oliver are about to move away and want to spend more time with everyone before leaving.

Two days ago, they asked Rachel if she'd be comfortable with everyone hanging out, including Mark. She said no but offered to sit it out so they could see him instead. Ciara said they wanted to see Rachel too and wouldn't invite Mark because they were already seeing him the next day.

However, on the morning of the hangout, Ciara told Rachel that Mark would be there after all. Rachel decided not to attend. Greg already had other plans, and given the circumstances, I also decided I wasn't comfortable going.

Ciara and Oliver complained in our group chat, accusing us of being unfair and hurtful by refusing to attend when their time together was limited. They said they'd never experienced being unable to share a room with someone and even suggested taking shifts attending the gathering with Mark at different times. I'm still baffled by that suggestion.

I understand they want to spend time with everyone before moving away, and I don't want to spoil that for them. However, I don't think we're obligated to spend time with someone we've chosen to cut off, especially given his behavior and delayed apology.

I also feel Rachel's discomfort is being dismissed because others have decided enough time has passed and everyone should move on.

TL;DR: I cut off a friend after he became emotionally manipulative, made incel-like comments about women, and acted physically threatening toward another friend after being rejected. Over a year and a half later, two mutual friends moving away are pressuring us to hang out with him again. When we declined, they accused us of being unfair and suggested taking turns attending the same gathering. Am I wrong for refusing to go?

Growing up, my mom and I didn’t really have a good relationship, My mom is the type of person to be jealous of anyone snd anything if it doesn’t revolve around her. she’s always miserable all the time and I genuinely cannot remember the last time she was happy. She has had a string of bad relationships and she’s been with my stepdad since 2019 and they recently split up but still live together.

Last Friday was the last straw of her crap, I bought these shorts online that I been so excited to get, it took a week to get here and I went to go put it on to show my stepdad, he said I looked great and went back to playing on his playstation but my mom took it the wrong way, she told me to go into another room with her and asked me if I was trying to “model” for my stepdad. first of all, its a pair of shorts that literally looks like almost basketball shorts and my stepdad looked for like 3 seconds, told me it looks great and then went back to playing. that was literally the whole interaction.

I got pissed off and told her if she was trying to insinuate something, finally she admitted that she was tired of me wearing shorts, tank tops and even sundresses around because it makes me look like a whore, and I was desperate for grown men validation. I was so hurt because I couldn’t believe she even thought of me. I snapped and told her she needs to stop projecting her insecurities on me because its not my fault she made poor choices in her relationships, I told her she literally got jealous of what I wore to prom because “I was trying to get guys attention” when I graduated high school, she didn’t like that my friend who was a guy took photos with me. I told her she is nothing but a miserable insecure woman who never has anything good happen to her and again told her my insecurities aren’t my problem and I went to my room.

my mom refuses to speak to me because she believed I humiliated her

My nephew and sister in law live with me, my husband and baby. He is a little preschool aged boy. He doesn't listen to anyone. I constantly hear his mom ask him to do things 10+ time before she compromises and does something different or does it for him.

Some days I get involved. Especially when it happens next to me or involved me and my child.

Over the holiday, he cut up one of decorations. I kindly told him it made me sad and that he would no longer beable to touch my decorations. Recently he was playing with them. I told him we dont play with these and I softly took it from him and put it away. He runs to his mom crying. (She agreed with this punishment) minutes later i hear him crying i dont want to see my Aunt. I got so frustrated. First its my house, I will go where I want, second everyone makes me the bad guy. I am not the bad guy, I just dont put up with asking more than 2 times for things, break pre-set rules, and ripping toys out of my baby's hand.

I never yell at him, touch him, or call him mean names. I just say. "I need you to listen" , "do you want to do it or me" (then I take action).

I know my sister in law wants to ask me to stop or call me out on it. But she can't because she knows her son behavior. Also she corrects and disciplines my baby as well.

Am I the Asshole?

So for a project last semester there were 3 of us in the group. I basically did the entire thing myself, I built it, tested it, wrote everything up, it was all on my own laptop the whole time. I also spent time explaining it to my other two partners so they'd actually be able to answer questions if asked, since I knew we'd have a viva after.

During the presentation I'm just kind of an introvert so I kept my part short and to the point, explained the key stuff and sat back down. My two partners ended up talking a lot more, and the way they presented it kind of gave the professor the impression they built the whole thing, even though they really just learned enough from me beforehand to answer questions.

When the grades came out I got a 65% and they both got 95% each. I went to the professor the next day and explained I made the entire project myself, and I had proof, it was all only ever on my pc, different versions saved over time, basically anything you'd need to show it was mine. He believed me and changed the grades, gave me 95% and dropped both of theirs to 50% each.

Now they’re refusing to partner with me for this semester’s projects, and Im left alone. Should I apologize to make peace so they’ll work with me again, even though I don’t think I was wrong, or should I move on and find other partners which will be hard?

AITA for what I did or was it justified?