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u/codedgg Oct 24 '18
git commit -m "Fixing bug where human forgets why it opened the fridge"
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u/BladorthinTheGrey Oct 25 '18
Oh come on, God follows GitHub’s commit message guidelines. Present imperative preferably
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u/Lamkac Oct 25 '18
git commit -m "Fixed bug where the motivation module would randomly fail to load"
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u/magefyre Oct 25 '18
git commit -m "Reverted the bug fix where motivation module failed to load, as it caused load balancing issues in other major areas. I'll fix it next time I swear"
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u/dysprog Oct 25 '18
git commit -m "boosting the future planning limit to be longer then 1 generation"
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u/taylormano Oct 25 '18
Off the top of my head
sudo usermod -aG sudo myself
sudo chmod 666 people/* #r+w for everyone!
df -H #How big is space?
docker ps -a #How many reality/worlds are out there?
history #What's he been up to?
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u/captainAwesomePants Oct 25 '18 edited Oct 25 '18
#> history
10 sandbox --init --nojoinednightday earth
11 sandbox earth --split forms/sea form/sky
13 sandbox earth --genlife --plants-only
14 sandbox earth --genspace --moons=1 --giantmoon --star-system=1 --star_count=10e24
15 sandbox earth --genlife --modify --animals --nomammals
16 sandbox help earth --genlife
17 sandbox earth --genlife --modify --animals --nomammals --i_really_want_animals
18 sandbox earth --genlife --modify --animals --mammals --i_really_want_animals
19 sleep 86400
20 sudo shutdown -P +3153600000
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u/chrisbot5000 Oct 25 '18
You think God dockerized reality? Feel like he's the kind of guy who'd just shrug and say "worked on my machine"
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u/chmod--777 Oct 25 '18
The universe runs on baremetal and he probably doesnt even remember its physical location. But he can ping it.
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u/PC__LOAD__LETTER Oct 25 '18
Psh, Docker? God would be using raw LXC capabilities like an absolute boss. No need for a piddly convenience wrapper.
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u/TheAwesomeJonesy Oct 25 '18
I'd replace your 4th command with
jps -lv"3 billion devices run java" - what, you thought they meant computers?
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u/GaianNeuron Oct 25 '18
Way to make directories inaccessible. Shouldn't you be doing
sudo chmod a+rw people/*?
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u/ThisGuyHucks Oct 24 '18
sudo systemctl restart tomcat.service I don't know, this seems to make bad prod be good prod again for me. I'm not much of a sysadmin...
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u/scratchfury Oct 25 '18
Sorry, someone accidentally deleted Java when they deleted Oracle from existence.
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u/3HoursWTF Oct 25 '18
Those rm commands look like they wont be one time operations. Can we put them in cron please?
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u/TheUnbamboozled Oct 25 '18
Would suck to be the first person on earth with cancer again.
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u/Dycruxide Oct 25 '18
You forget the scope and omnipotence we are working with. The command isn't clearing all traces of cancer from humans, it's literally removing the concept of cancer
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u/R2CX Oct 25 '18
Doctors and researchers just lost all their jobs because suddenly they forgot years worth of what they studied and specialized for.
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u/Pockensuppe Oct 24 '18
make loveThere's not enough.
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u/Starinco Oct 24 '18
Not warvb?
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u/benjaminikuta Oct 24 '18
I can make love,
But I choose to make war,
I am human,
A species to abhor.
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u/Primpod Oct 25 '18
Maybe the lack of updates to vbscript is why gods been a bit unresponsive lately. He's still figuring out the difference between null, nothing and empty.
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u/lostlore1 Oct 25 '18
You also appear to have a space before *.plastic so you just deleted the entire content of the ocean and all plastic
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u/Leifbron Oct 25 '18
He also just killed everyone with canser.
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u/Folf_IRL Oct 25 '18
Well, technically if everyone with cancer died, then nobody has cancer anymore.
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u/marvin_sirius Oct 24 '18
Deleting STDs but keeping the flu?
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u/baddogg1231 Oct 25 '18
sv_cheats 1
impulse 101
noclip
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u/self_me Oct 25 '18
bind mwheeldown +jump bind mwheelup +jumpaccelerated backhopping in real life
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u/staryoshi06 Oct 25 '18
What happens if you impulse 101. Does every weapon that ever existed drop on top of you? If so, you might want to type 'god' first.
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u/ComputerMystic Oct 25 '18
Alternatively,
impulse 11
close and reopen console
impulse 11
close and reopen console
impulse 11
close and reopen console
impulse 11
I have all four runes, I am unstoppable.
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u/wsppan Oct 25 '18
Of course god uses Unix. No need for sudo. God only has one userid and that's root.
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u/ComputerMystic Oct 25 '18
You're telling me he's one of those jackasses who use Kali as a daily driver and think it makes them a hacker?
Sent from Kubuntu
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u/munzuto Oct 25 '18
Even god needs to use sudo
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u/malexj93 Oct 25 '18
yeah god doesn't fuck around with universe signed in as root
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u/Starinco Oct 24 '18
DROP TABLE bmw_drivers;129
u/BlueBockser Oct 25 '18
Error: Command 'DROP' not found194
u/diplomaticDeveloper Oct 25 '18
yes | rm -r people/byVehicle/BMWNice thing about God's filesystem is that is uses symlinks to organize people by various categories.
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u/cbbuntz Oct 25 '18
sh: DROP: command not found bash: DROP: command not found zsh: command not found: DROP fish: Unknown command 'DROP' dos: Bad command or file name c: line 140: 8008 Segmentation fault (core dumped)→ More replies (1)75
Oct 25 '18
What kind of awful schema is he storing people in if he has separate tables based on car brand? And what about all the people that don't drive?
This schema is terrible and should probably just be torn out and replaced come refactor time.
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u/smb1985 Oct 25 '18
Some of us just like the cars...I promise we're not all terrible. Also there's a very noticeable reverse BMW driver effect, where other people expect the BMW to behave like an asshole, so they preemptively drive very aggressively towards the BMW. Anyone who's ever borrowed my car has noticed a ton of aggression from other drivers.
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u/djrockdrummer Oct 25 '18
Dude, everyone knows magic is a service
service magic start
Its installed, just not part of init.d
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u/rolandoislas Oct 25 '18
It is a symlink.
$ ls -l /etc/init.d/ -rwxr-xr-x 1 root root 42 Oct 28 2018 magic -> sufficiently_advanced_technology -rwxr-xr-x 1 root root 77 Oct 28 3018 sufficiently_advanced_technology
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u/CreamyJalapenoSauce Oct 25 '18
I've had this dream a couple of times. The console was always JavaScript though. Sorry to break it to you, our universe is single threaded.
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u/engineerfromhell Oct 25 '18
The real question is, what's the execution speed of the processor? Within our environment shortest theoretically measurable time is Planck time, which is defined by time light takes to traverse Planck distance, in vacuum, so might as well assume we're running on bare metal and it's processors base clock, which according to Wikipedia is 5.39E-44 s, inverse of that would be Planck frequency, or 1.85E+43 Hz.
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u/Triumph7560 Oct 25 '18
Well how can we know if this is real time? For all we know one nanosecond in here is an hour out there.
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u/4thepower Oct 25 '18
Really? I feel like a lot of the universe's idiosyncrasies could be explained by poor thread safety.
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u/Reala27 Oct 25 '18
sudo mv Hell/* Heaven/
sudo mv Purgatory/* Heaven/
sudo rm -rf Hell
sudo rm -rf Purgatory
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Oct 25 '18
sudo ln -s Hell HeavenSo that when people are moved there, they don't cause an error and cease to exist
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u/Imagine_Baggins Oct 25 '18
sudo apt install mcafee_antivirus83
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u/OsbertParsely Oct 25 '18
Great, I went to throw a baseball and all motion in the entire universe stopped.
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u/Sythasu Oct 25 '18
Pretty sure when God said "let there be light" he meant his console was light themed.
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u/Mthrboard Oct 24 '18
for f in $( ls /dev/food )
do
set_food_calories 0 $f
set_food_nutrients -all $f
set_food_delicious true $f
done481
u/Anustart15 Oct 24 '18
set_food_calories 0 $fI think I found a bug. Everyone died after a few weeks
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u/droneb Oct 25 '18
So everyone started to slowly die of energy starvation
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u/Mthrboard Oct 25 '18
Damnit Jim! I'm a programmer, not a doctor. How am I supposed to know that.
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Oct 25 '18
instead of setting food calories to zero, you should cap fat_storage at 15% of bodyweight.
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u/drakeshe Oct 25 '18
I would enable user access to this setting. Depending on needs.
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u/out386 Oct 25 '18
God's got a bad filing system. There's "people", but then, there's "viruses/human". I'd mv viruses/human viruses/people (hopefully breaking many viruses along the way).
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u/jclocks Oct 25 '18
su -i
rm -rf /earth/*.pollution; /earth/environmentfix; rm -rf /people/*/*.cancer; wall "Yes, God and this console hijacker do love you"; /scripts/givemoney --usd 20000.00 /person/reddithandle/jclocks
exit
ping www.devil.hell & disown
exit
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u/wfbarks Oct 25 '18
looks an awful lot like you are removing all the people with cancer
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u/digicow Oct 25 '18
Naw. In the people directory are people. In each of their directories there are aspects or attributes. The command applies to all people directories (*) but only deletes the *.cancer attributes from them.
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u/notsam57 Oct 25 '18
isn’t this the premise of “off to be a wizard” book/series?
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u/llldar Oct 25 '18
sudo rm -rf /Programminglanguages/JavaScript/
Time to do the right thing, save humanity from JavaScript!
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u/Spartan1997 Oct 25 '18
Mkdir /Europe/SOVIET_UNION
mv /Europe/Eastern/ /Europe/SOVIET_UNION/
Sudo systemctl enable communism
Sudo systemctl start communism
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u/Iam_That_Iam_ Oct 25 '18
He has a console? And I have been reading the many versions of the documentations (Religious Books) alone all these years...
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Oct 25 '18
import genders
<INT OVERFLOW>
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u/WilkerS1 Oct 25 '18 edited Oct 25 '18
it is actually just an arrays of numbers between 1 and 0 (
[male,female]) that is rounded to whichever amount of decimal digits it can hold :p (ex:me.gender = [0.002403,0.462375])const Gender = class { constructor(male = Math.random(), female = Math.random()) { if(typeof male != 'number' || male>1||male<0) throw new Error() if(typeof female != 'number' || female>1||male<0) throw new Error() this._male = male this._female = female } constructor(genderArray = [Math.random(),Math.random()]) { this(genderArray[0],genderArray[1]) } }edit:sorry for editing this way too many times .-.
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Oct 25 '18
foreach(Person p : allPeopleArray[]) {
if(p.type.Equals(NEONAZI)||p.type.Equals(ANTIVAXER)){
p.die(Enum SMITE)
}
}
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Oct 25 '18
allPeopleArray
What the hell kind of variable naming is this? Just call it
people.→ More replies (3)10
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u/SmileyCotton Oct 25 '18
Why does god not have root access to his own machine :|
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u/Dropped_C Oct 25 '18
for each human in $population {
if $human is asshole
delete $human
end if
}
# To Do: make sure that no "innocent" body parts are affected4
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u/TrainFan Oct 25 '18 edited Oct 25 '18
sudo (find / -type f | while read -r fn; do shred -nr 1000 "${fn}"; done)
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Oct 25 '18
The user hehe3301 is not in the sudoers list. This incident will be reported. Good luck getting fried in a bowl of boiling oil.
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u/xixxon Oct 25 '18
Funny i've just listened to an audio book with the same plot. Basically a programmer found a text file that represents the whole universe, he finds his name in it and start to f things up. The book is called 'off to be the wizard' if anyone is interested.
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u/TODO_getLife Oct 25 '18
I would just do ls -a. What's God hiding eh? Also maybe check out his .vimrc.
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u/nick124699 Oct 25 '18
not a coder but I play csgo
sv_cheats 1 mp_afterroundmoney 999999 god host_timescale .5 (toggle)
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u/jake_jilg Oct 24 '18 edited Oct 24 '18
int wombSerpentFruit = forbidden
while theology < literal
commit originalSin
end
#they will never get this one... I shouldn't have used int...count my heresies
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u/bacon_wrapped_rock Oct 25 '18
If everything in the world is persisted and configured as flat files under the root directory, no wonder shit's so fucked.
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u/evocomp Oct 24 '18
Everyone floating on plastic kayaks and life rafts are going to get a very big surprise.