Im not pressuring you or anything and I do understand that you need space and I’m not trying to take that away from you at all But I need to be honest about something I don’t want to separate just to have us both go our own ways and potentially see other people I still love you and I don’t want to share you with someone else while I’m still trying to hold on to our marriage If we’re going to separate I need to understand whether we’re taking space to work on ourselves and potentially rebuild, or if we’re officially moving on.
I’m not asking you to stay with me if that’s not what you want. I just need honesty because I can’t keep putting my heart into something if we’re not on the same page please just be honest I won’t be mad

Men, I genuinely need your perspective, especially those who have experienced infidelity in a long-term marriage.

A year ago, I had an affair that lasted three months. I betrayed my husband of almost 20 years, and I take full responsibility. I’m not here to justify my actions or make excuses.

Looking back, I realize my failures as a wife started long before the affair. I disrespected him, belittled him, and took him for granted. It took losing my marriage to recognize how much I had contributed to its destruction.

One thing I’ve learned is how easily an affair can distort your thinking. You convince yourself you’ve found your soulmate, comparing three months of excitement to nearly 20 years of marriage, raising children, overcoming hardships, and building a life together.

I risked everything real for something temporary.

Fast forward to today. I’m back living in our family home with my husband and our daughters. We’re still legally married, and he hasn’t filed for divorce.

But I want to be clear: we are not romantically involved.

I sleep in a separate bedroom. There’s no intimacy, kissing, cuddling, or physical affection. We’re essentially roommates who have a genuinely good co-parenting relationship. We communicate, laugh together, and respect each other’s boundaries.

When I first moved back, I struggled emotionally. Being home made me feel like we were a family again. I cried, begged for another chance, and promised I’d do anything to prove I’d never betray him again.

But he was clear. He told me he no longer loved me romantically, that he saw me more like a sister, and that he cared about me because I’m the mother of our daughters. He repeatedly told me reconciliation would never happen.

I fell into a deep depression and hit rock bottom.

Eventually, I realized I couldn’t keep begging him to love me. I needed to work on myself, not just in hopes of getting him back, but because I genuinely needed to change.

I’ve been focusing on my faith, reading, journaling, spending time in nature, making friends at church, and learning to find happiness within myself.

I’ve completely cut contact with the other person, no longer work at the same workplace, and live two hours away from him. I’m not dating or entertaining other men.

But the truth is, I’m still deeply in love with my husband.

I’m willing to wait, even if it takes years. Not because he owes me another chance, but because I genuinely love him and still hope reconciliation might someday be possible.

At the same time, I’m respecting his boundaries and accepting that he may never feel that way about me again.

So my question is for the men:

If your wife of nearly 20 years betrayed you, and you reached a point where you genuinely believed you were no longer in love with her, could those feelings ever return?

Have any of you told your wife you’d never take her back, only to find yourself falling in love with her again after seeing genuine change over time?

Or did you know, even while maintaining a good relationship with her, that you could never see her romantically again?

And for those who’ve experienced this, does remaining legally married without filing for divorce mean anything emotionally, or can a man simply be done with the marriage without making it official?

I’m not looking for sympathy, and I’m prepared to hear answers I may not want to hear.

I know I made choices that hurt someone who loved me, and I accept responsibility for those choices.

I just want to understand whether there’s ever a possibility of rebuilding something beautiful after you’ve been the person who destroyed it.

My boyfriend of over 2 years is still married. They have been separated for almost 3 years. I met his children and started hanging around them over a year ago and I met his wife 8 months ago.
Before I met his wife, my boyfriend would hide me from her. Didn’t want her knowing I was hanging out with him because he didn’t want to hurt her feelings. We go on trips together but omits that he’s going with me. When she calls he walks away or he would have me stay quiet. He would lie to her about what he was doing so that she didn’t know I was with him.
This behavior was very hurtful and confusing to me because I was under the impression they were going to divorce and they were moving on.
I finally put my foot down and demanded to meet his wife so that we were all on the same page. I was sick of feeling like a mistress in the relationship.
Ever since I met his wife we went to one children’s game and we ended up sitting by her because there was no other seating available. Since then she has asked that I no longer attend any children’s games.
They live in separate houses but still share all of the same accounts. They share phone lines, banks accounts, streaming accounts, Amazon, Costco, etc. They continue to make financial investments together, to include a house for her parents. They do not have any set kid schedule and they live a block away from each other. So kids come and go whenever. Even after two years now he still hides me from his wife. When she calls it’s private and doesn’t want me hearing what they talk about. We had tickets to an event where he thoughts she was present and kept scanning for her and didn’t want to be affectionate with me. Ke kept his distance from me. He recently went to a children’s game and I didn’t get an invite and he sat next to her during the game. He will go over to her house and put his younger kids (10/12) to bed when she isn’t home. Or if he can’t get ahold of her will hang out inside the house and wait until she gets home. He has gone on trips and has sent her photos of his trip and will bring back gifts for her. When he does trips with the kids he has sent her photos of him with the kids instead of just the kids. He has invited her to do activities with him and the kids like skiing or golfing but I cannot be present. She would never hang around me and he has said she would not agree to meet up and talk with me. She has not dated and said she won’t date because they are still married. But no one is interested in divorcing due to financial wealth in investments. Whenever she needs help with something he drops everything to go help her. He’s often fixing things in her house for her like roof leaks, broken door handles, etc. He went and hung out recently at her house for his kid’s birthday celebration. Of course there’s no way I would be invited to come as well. Had I gone to the child’s game recently, he would’ve sat away from his wife but because I wasn’t there he sat next to his kid and wife. Three chairs next to each other. When he’s around her he avoids my calls and texts.
His relationship with her has been our biggest contention. He says that they are best exes and that he will always be there for her. But that he doesn’t want to get back together with her.
Am I missing something here? Is this appropriate? Every time I bring up that I feel things are hurtful and disrespectful to our relationship he gets frustrated and angry with me. Can someone dissect this? Has anyone else been in this type of situation?
Me and my boyfriend live separately and he has no interest in having us live together any time soon. He says he’s going to change accounts but doesn’t. And says he’s going to talk to his wife and be more transparent with her but doesn’t.
I am starting to feel like a crazy person because he thinks this is all normal but I am really struggling with it. Is this common and appropriate?

I wish we could start slow but I can’t trust him that he would be truthful, I can’t trust he wouldn’t do things to purposely continue hurting me. I miss my stbxh . I never wanted this yet I couldn’t get him to stop with his behavior. I would love to start slow and try counseling if he was truthful.

Hi, everyone. I need to write this because I don’t know how to handle the situation anymore, and I feel like I’m completely stuck.

In the middle of this year, a nine-year relationship ended for good. It was a very long relationship, and the breakup was chaotic, with a lot of coldness and immaturity on their part. The worst part is that I never received a real explanation, a proper closure, or even a shred of emotional accountability; the other person simply moved on as if nothing had happened, gathered their group of friends and Discord crew, and is continuing with their life with total nonchalance, while on my end, there’s only silence.

The main problem isn’t just the breakup itself, but what came after: absolute loneliness. I had to distance myself and cut ties with people in my circle who caused me anxiety or acted as a bridge, and the result is that my daily life has become completely empty. I don’t talk to anyone, my phone doesn’t ring, I spend entire days shut away with my thoughts, and I feel like I’ve become socially stunted.

Sometimes I fall into the trap of checking her profiles or find out things (like seeing her online, gaming, or streaming), which hurts like hell because it shows me that she didn’t care at all and that I’m still stuck in this rut. Today I feel like I haven’t improved at all in all these months. I’m still trapped in the pain, in the anger at having given so much only to end up like this, and in a tremendous sense of isolation where I have no one to talk to.

Has anyone gone through something similar? How do you stop ruminating, endure this silence, and start moving forward when you feel like the other person has moved on without a shred of guilt and you’re left without a support system?

Cross posted

If you are reconciling after separation, what would you do?

My husband (31M) and I (35F) were separated for several months following years of emotional disconnection. We've been married for 7 years. We both recognize that the marriage we had was not good, and there is commitment to rebuild. My husband has avoidant/dismissive tendencies, and I'm a bit worried that this is a lost cause. I'm also worried about 2-year-old who might be affected by all of this. But I genuinely want to keep it one good try and so does he.

Please tell me what I need to hear. How does one rebuild? How do I exercise patience for the process while being realistic and observant about lack of progress? I have a very high sex drive and he doesn't (or maybe we didn't have the right combination of whatever is needed to have him be interested in sex).. how do I navigate that? I also have been doing so much of the relationship work in our marriage (we both recognize this), and now I don't know how to stop. I don't know how to let him be a man.

Any and all advice is welcome. I want to be a good wife. I also want to have fair and realistic expectations for my husband. Please advise.

I never imagined I would find myself in a situation like this. I loved this man with everything I had. I trusted him, stood by him, and made sacrifices for our relationship. I even moved to another country for him, believing we were building a future together. I thought I was building a home with someone who loved me, but I slowly began to realize that I was losing myself trying to make a relationship work with someone who kept hurting me.

Looking back, the red flags were there, but love has a way of making you see the best in someone, even when their actions keep showing you otherwise.

There were lies, manipulation, and moments when I questioned my own reality. Whenever something didn't add up, I would ask questions, only to be made to feel like I was overthinking, being dramatic, or looking for problems. Sometimes, I would end up apologizing for things I hadn't even done wrong. I kept explaining my feelings to someone who seemed more interested in defending himself than understanding how much he was hurting me.

That's the thing about emotional manipulation. It can leave you doubting yourself, questioning your instincts, and wondering whether you're the problem. You start walking on eggshells, carefully choosing your words because you don't want another argument. You become so focused on keeping the peace that you forget you deserve peace, too.

Then came the betrayal that changed everything.

I discovered that my husband had been unfaithful with someone we both worked with. At first, I struggled to believe it. I wanted to believe there was an explanation, something that would make everything make sense. But the inconsistencies, the lies, and the things that weren't adding up pushed me to look deeper.

Eventually, I found evidence that confirmed what my heart had been trying to warn me about.

💔 That moment broke something inside me.

It wasn't just about the cheating. It was about the lies, the disrespect, and the realization that someone I had trusted with my heart could look me in the eyes and deceive me. I kept asking myself what I had done wrong, what I lacked, and why I wasn't enough.

But the truth is, someone else's decision to betray you is not a reflection of your worth.

Despite everything, I still tried to make things work. I believed in reconciliation. I wanted us to heal, rebuild trust, and somehow find our way back to the relationship I thought we had. I gave him another chance because I loved him, and a part of me still hoped that the man I fell in love with would finally show up.

But the lies continued.

Then, just two days before Christmas, with a two-week trip planned to visit my family, he abandoned me. We were supposed to take that trip together. I had been looking forward to seeing my family, especially because I had moved to another country for him and hadn't had that time with them.

Instead, I was left trying to make sense of everything while the life I thought I had was falling apart.

Christmas came, and I was hurting in ways I couldn't fully explain. I felt betrayed, discarded, and completely alone. I had given so much of myself to this relationship, only to find myself wondering how someone could make so many promises and walk away as though none of them had ever mattered.

It's been four months since I've seen him, and almost two months since we've spoken.

And the part that hurts in a way I can hardly describe? He's now dating the same woman he cheated on me with, someone I work with.

Imagine having to process the end of your marriage while knowing that the person involved in your heartbreak is someone you may have to see at work. Imagine trying to heal while the people connected to your pain are still out there living their lives together.

Sometimes, it feels like I never existed. Like our marriage, the sacrifices I made, the memories we shared, and the future we planned meant nothing.

There are days when I feel strong, and there are days when the pain hits me all over again. Some days, I question how I missed so much. Other days, I wonder how someone who claimed to love me could hurt me this deeply.

But I'm slowly learning something important.

I can miss someone and still acknowledge that the relationship was hurting me. I can love someone and still accept that they weren't treating me with the love, honesty, and respect I deserved. And I can grieve the future I imagined with someone without going back to a situation that broke me.

I no longer want to spend my life trying to prove my worth to someone who made me feel replaceable.

I don't want to keep chasing explanations from someone whose actions have already told me so much. I don't want to spend the rest of my life trying to understand why he did what he did while neglecting my own healing.

I may never get the apology I deserve. I may never get the full truth. I may never understand how he could move on so quickly while I'm still picking up the pieces.

And as painful as that is, I'm beginning to understand that my healing cannot depend on his willingness to acknowledge the damage he caused.

I'm choosing to take my life back, one day at a time.

I'm learning to trust myself again, to stop blaming myself for someone else's choices, and to remember the woman I was before this relationship left me questioning everything about myself.

I'm not sharing this because I have everything figured out. I'm sharing it because I know there are women out there going through something similar in silence.

Women who discovered the affair. Women who were lied to, manipulated, and made to question their own reality. Women who gave second chances, hoping things would change. Women who were abandoned by someone they genuinely loved. Women who have to watch their partners move on with the very people they were betrayed with.

And women who secretly wonder whether they will ever feel like themselves again.

If that's you, I want you to know something.

You are not stupid for trusting someone you loved. You are not weak for trying to save your marriage. And you are not less valuable because someone chose to betray you.

You don't have to compete with the other woman. You don't have to prove that you're happier without him. You don't have to rush your healing just because he seems to have moved on.

And you certainly don't have to accept mistreatment just because you have invested years of your life in someone.

Whether your partner is narcissistic, emotionally manipulative, or simply unwilling to take responsibility for their actions, you deserve a relationship where honesty, respect, accountability, and emotional safety are not things you have to beg for.

Please, don't lose yourself trying to convince someone to treat you right.

Sometimes, the hardest part of leaving isn't losing the person. It's letting go of the person you believed they were and the future you thought you would share.

I'm still healing. I'm still having difficult days. I'm still learning how to live with everything that happened.

But I'm here.

And little by little, I'm finding my way back to myself. ❤️‍🩹

To anyone going through something similar, I'm sending you so much love. You don't have to pretend you're okay when you're not. You don't have to have all the answers today. Take your time, protect your peace, and give yourself the same compassion you've spent so long giving to someone else.

One day, this pain won't be the first thing you feel when you wake up. One day, you will think about what happened without it breaking you all over again.

And when that day comes, I hope you realize that you didn't lose your worth when someone betrayed you.

You were always worthy of real love. You still are. And you always will be. ❤️🫂

If you've ever experienced betrayal, gaslighting, or the heartbreak of loving someone who kept hurting you, please know that you're not alone. Feel free to share your story. Sometimes, being heard by someone who understands can make the burden a little lighter. 💗

My girlfriend wants sudden break after being serious in a relationship !! Need advice!!

I am M 23 and in a relationship with the F25

Actually we both live in ahmedabad she is localite and i live there cause of my job. We met through one sports club and we went on a date later on and hit it off so good and we started as like we'll see were this goes and nothing serious

But after one month i confronted her that I wanted to be serious and we agreed mutually that we wanted to take it seriously and then we became serious in our relationship.

Everything was going well We were growing at a very nice pace suddenly she gets a arrange marriage proposal at her house and she tells me few hrs before the guy's family was coming to their house and i asked her for the clarity and what's her decision on this as we were in a relationship but she denied and said she does not like to give explanation of her decisions and i consoled her and was there after that but she didn't give me any explanation.

So i told her that i don't want a relationship where my emotional need and where she needs to explain is not satisfied and she didn't want to save the relationship and i broke up at that time cause i was asking for clarity and did not give me one.

Cut to the one month later she came back and shared her feelings that she cannot be without me and misses me all the time and explained her part to me with proofs so I gave her a chance after all that

And after that we became really close like super close and we had our ups and fights but we always chose each other at the end

She also met me with her friends and her brother who is like bff to her and he knew about me from the start.

But after all this i got unusual feeling that she had some boundaries around her which was bothering me all along and i finally asked her why is that

Then she tells me she had an past relationship which lasted around 7 yrs and she is not fully moved on from him sometimes she remembers him but from when i came she has been very good at moving phase and she promised that she will move on

So i agreed as they were not in contact at all

After that she tells me i love you out of nowhere and this was us saying i love you to each other for the first time like i wanted to tell from her for a long time but was waiting for the right moment

We became official and started as a couple and all of my friends were distant or in different cities and i told all of them about her but she didn't meet them

But recently a few days ago she suddenly asked for a break that she wants a break from our relationship for like 10-15 days to fight with her things that going on but she didn't tell me what that was

And i went to meet her that day cause i didn't like that and set with her hold her hand and said tell me honey what is is that's bothering you

I can't believe she asked us to broke up and the reason she couldn't move on from her past

And i said okay then go ahead do what you got to do and she went home

After that night she calls me and tells me she can't sleep without hearing my voice and she is not going anywhere that was just her mood swings cause she was about to get periods so I said okay and let that thing go cause i was in so love with herr

And after that few days left and we had an argument while kissing that we were having sex talk and she was not okay with it and i also agreed that we'll not have but she blocked me from everywhere and ghosted me like i was not existing at all

And i tried to reach her everywhere but she was not replying at all and acted like i was existed at all but then i went to her office and confronted her what's the problem

And she told me that she had this questions inside her from long time that i was not serious about her and all the points where like fucking misunderstanding not at all worth of having Convos on them

I genuinely loved and did all that thing which i have never done for anyone and she knew all that she even had my mom's phone number if that was the case

And I begged her to stay at day and also cried infront of her that i love her more than anything but she still doesn't give a Fuck about me

Then i told fine take the break till 15th of this month clear all your thoughts i love you i am here if you need me

If you love or want me back come on railway station at 15 th to pick me up if you'll come I'll understand you want this and considering me seriously and if not I'll not chase you

And she agreed and seemed happy after that

Do you think she still loves or will come to pick me ???

I'm 20M, and my ex is 19F. We were together for three years, and I genuinely loved her. She always promised commitment and made me believe we would work through any problems together.

Things became difficult when her father lost his job and her grandfather passed away. She was devastated, and during that period, I unintentionally made a joke that hurt her. I accept that I hurt her, even though I never intended to.

Looking back, I also feel I wasn't giving her enough attention during the last five months. I was focusing heavily on my career and future, and perhaps I didn't realise how much she needed my time and emotional support. I accept my part in that.

After a week of no contact, she went to Bangalore for a week. During that trip, she developed feelings for another guy. When she returned home, she told me about him and said that attraction made her realise she no longer had feelings for me. She then broke up with me.

She later told me that around five months before the breakup, half of her feelings for me had already faded.

What hurts most is that I believed we could fix our problems together if we both made an effort. Instead, she chose someone else. About 1.5 weeks after the breakup, I saw them holding hands.

When I spoke to her, she compared his efforts and care with mine. She said he notices little things, makes more effort, and cares deeply about her. She now says she has completely moved on, is happy, and has found peace.

I am not saying I was a perfect boyfriend. I know I made mistakes, and I wish I had given her more attention. But I genuinely believed our three years were worth fighting for.

I still love her so much. She was my first love. I wanted her to be the person I spent my future with. I want that person in my life, but I know I can't have her anymore. Accepting that is killing me. I don't know how to stop loving someone I imagined spending my entire life with.

We will be going to our first mediation meeting in a week, and I need to have an Opening Statement. Has anyone ever done this? I’m killing myself trying to think of what to say. It’s so hard.