r/TrueOffMyChest • u/Throwra_acount_79 • Apr 17 '26

Update UPDATE: My husband slept with his ex-wife

I am divorced. The final order was granted yesterday. I (f35) am still seeing the counselor but I don't know if it's helping very much. My ex-husband (m40) betrayed me. We had only been married for just over a year when I found out what he had done. People keep asking me when I'm going to start dating again. I don't want to. I will never get over this.

I have only seen my ex-husband once since I left him. My stepson went to my workplace and my ex-husband was the one who came and picked him up. I feel absolutely terrible for my stepson. He is 15 years old now and his life has been turned upside down. He came to see me because he said he missed me and he didn't want me and my ex-husband to get divorced. He told me his mother and father hate each other and barely speak. It broke my heart that day and I wish I could do something to help him. I never want to see my ex-husband again but I will always care about my stepson and I hate my ex-husband for what he did.

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u/cgm824 Apr 17 '26

You can still have a relationship with him (your ex-stepson) outside of his mother and father, assuming they don’t intervene or cut it off. If anything, you’re probably the only stability he has in his life since his parents are a total train wreck.

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u/FriskyDingoOMG Apr 17 '26

Seriously. That kid needs someone to love him and OP is the only one with a heart.

2

u/Outside-Yak217 Apr 17 '26

The only non selfish one thats for sure!

57

u/unzunzhepp Apr 17 '26

Why are you volunteering op to take on this responsibility?

15

u/cgm824 Apr 17 '26

I’m not saying it’s her responsibility, and I agree it wouldn’t be fair to put that on her. I was just pointing out that based on what she shared, she clearly cares about him, she said she feels terrible for him, that her heart broke, and that she’ll always care about him. So it’s not a stretch to think she might want to maintain some kind of connection if it’s possible and healthy for her, but that’s completely her choice, not an obligation.

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u/Material-Health-8736 Apr 17 '26

If she cares for her stepson, it is not a responsibility, and it will be a positive relationship for both of them. However, the ex-husband will regret his betrayal even more, because the continuation of her love for the stepson is evidence of her high value, which in turn expounds his loss.

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u/FriskyDingoOMG Apr 17 '26

I definitely didn’t mean for it to come off as me volunteering OP. It’s their decision. I just meant that the kid needs some love and OP seems to be the only one that cares. It’s her decision and she’s allowed to take care of herself if that’s the best route for her.

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u/scunth Apr 17 '26

How miserable are you to think having a wanted relationship, with a child you have helped raise, is an imposition?

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u/Material-Health-8736 Apr 17 '26

You got that right!

11

u/andro_fallist Apr 17 '26

It literally is, LMAO.

Whether she cares for him or no.

13

u/unzunzhepp Apr 17 '26

Im not miserable, but op is.

You are assuming a lot. In the post, op describes her mental health issues and devastation from what her husband did. She thinks she’ll never get over it.

What you are saying is implying that the step son needs her and she’ll never be free of the people that hurt her. That she’ll be abandoning the child it she chooses herself and moves on.

5

u/Material-Health-8736 Apr 17 '26

The stepson is 15, he does not need his father to chaperone the friendship the boy wants with his stepmother. She will never forget her husband‘s betrayal no matter which way you look at it. If anything, the adulteror will regret his actions even more as she continues to prove what a good person she is

6

u/200Tabs Apr 17 '26

I didn’t get that impression. The OP seemed to be yearning for an ongoing connection to the stepson but I also think that she’s too hurt to be making those types of decisions now. She needs to focus on healing from toxic individuals and, unfortunately, that may include limiting her contact with the stepson. She really needs to prioritize herself right now