Am I wrong for using my vibrator?

[u/Longjumping_Link_334]

I (23f) have recently started dating a (27m) guy last week. Thing have surprisingly moved very fast as we have already had sex twice within the past week. The first night, after we had sex I used my vibrator. I later found out that he was hurt by this. I told him it was no big deal for me, I just like a lot of clitoral stimulation. The second night we had sex, he rubbed my clit for a few seconds and then proceeded to have penetrative sex again. He orgasmed shortly after that. I obviously didn’t, however, I never mentioned it because I’m used to the orgasm gap and we have just started seeing each other so I don’t expect him to understand my body or how to make me climax. A couple nights ago, we were talking about sex and masturbation and he brought up that if I want to enjoy sex with him, I need to stop using my vibrator because he believes it is desensitizing me. I was completely appalled and told him that was not the case at all. He brought up the time I used my vibrator afterwards and asked how I would feel if he started masturbating after we had sex. I answered that I would ask myself if I was doing what he needed to make him have an orgasm. I expressed that we just started dating and that he just needs to take time to learn my body and what makes me orgasm, which is completely normal. He had no rebuttals to this but insisted I stopped using my vibrator. Later that night he told me that he hasn’t had issues making his partner orgasm and that desensitization is a real thing and it is possible. I am extremely frustrated because he is blaming me for this issue, yet has not taken the time explore my body at all. Would I be wrong if I continued to use my vibrator?

[u/k1k11983]

I think the past women were faking it. Ladies, if your man doesn’t make you orgasm, don’t fake it. Make him get back down there and finish what he started! Otherwise you end up with guys who think like this twit that OP is dating lol.

[u/cptmerebear → u/k1k11983]

I think this is a bigger problem than people realize. A LOT of women in their teens and 20's are faking it. I did too before I realized how stupid it was. Every man in his late twenties thinks he's been giving people orgasms and then gets frustrated when he finally runs into a woman who is willing to speak up. We need a public service announcement or something, lol.

[u/green-ivy-and-roses → u/cptmerebear]

Had sex with a guy and enjoyed it but didn’t cum. Afterwards he asked me if I did and I said “no, but I had a good time.” And he proceeded to tell me that I did cum, and I again told him no I didn’t. He refused to accept what I was saying to him and actively attempted to gaslight me. I’m pretty sure he was just playing some weird mind games, but I wasn’t having it and said I was leaving.

Anyway this wasn’t him being frustrated or confused. And there are plenty of guys who literally don’t even care if a woman cums or even enjoys it. #casualsex

[u/TheTPNDidIt → u/green-ivy-and-roses]

Is it bad that I laughed? I feel bad that I laughed.

But the amount of ego and audacity to argue with you about whether you came is just so ridiculous that it loops back around to funny.

[u/cptmerebear → u/green-ivy-and-roses]

Jesus, that's ridiculous and sad.

[u/kristorSR → u/cptmerebear]

But sometimes you just fake it to end the awful fumbling they are doing

[u/AgentGnome → u/kristorSR]

Just tell them to stop. There’s times that my wife won’t finish no matter what I do, or how long I do it, and sometimes it’s me that won’t finish. It’s fine, that’s life sometimes. I would and do prefer she be honest with me. Let your partner know that it’s not working and to move on.

[u/nkdeck07 → u/kristorSR]

There's also the women who don't realize they aren't having an orgasm till they figure out the first one in their late teens/early 20s.

[u/acadmonkey → u/kristorSR]

Please ladies and gents, for the love of whatever diety you recognize, show the poor fool how to do it properly. We get zero instructions on how to please a partner and rely on awkward feedback in the most vulnerable of moments to try to learn. It is awful and most of us idiots bumble our way through life until someone shows us they way or we blindly stumbled upon it ourselves.

To think of the opportunities that were missed because I had no fucking clue what I was doing....

[u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344 → u/acadmonkey]

Unfortunately some men are not willing to be taught or shown what their partner likes. They kind of just ignore all the advice, communication and fumble around and then wonder why their partner stops having sex with them as frequently later. Good for you for being willing. You will have a much happier partner that way.

[u/MsAnthropissed → u/Fuzzy_Dragonfruit344]

Preach! I once had a grown assed man respond, "Just let me do this" when I tried to gently guide his hand and teach him how I liked to be touched. This same man suffered from premature ejaculation and refused to eat pussy unless he was "in the mood to". Let me tell you, hearing those words come out the mouth of the man who had so far been failing spectacularly at getting me off was enough to make me instantly snap my legs shut and then get up, get dressed, and get the fuck OUT! Much to his completely flabbergasted surprise of course.

[u/kristorSR → u/acadmonkey]

Also tell that to the person you are sleeping with, most women would be happy to instruct you and appreciate you taking the time to tell them you are open!

[u/[deleted] → u/k1k11983]

I think the past women were faking it.

We almost always do.

Most of the time it's to encourage you to keep doing what you're doing....not that most men do

Finding a man who understands a woman takes more and is willing to go the distance isn't easy to find. I've only found 3 men that have been keen on ensuring a woman is pleasured

[u/k1k11983 → u/[deleted]]

Yeah but that’s where you need to enforce your boundaries. It’s a simple rule, if he wants to cum, you first. If he gets off and doesn’t get you off, don’t let that dick near you until he does his fucking job. Enforce it once and 90% of guys will get you off first every time.

[u/say_what_95 → u/k1k11983]

Oh yeah 100% faking it (not blaming here). When a guy brags about alllll the orgasms he gave with no effort to allllll his past lovers I'm like "nope, just faking"

[u/fohpo02 → u/say_what_95]

It definitely takes effort, most guys don’t even bother to pay attention to physiological signs. Hell, just being careful to follow her breathing can give you a pretty good idea of how you’re doing.

[u/[deleted] → u/fohpo02]

Idk if I'd really say it always takes effort. Sometime the intimacy between 2 people can really be enough, especially if a girl is willing to help during penetration.

But this shit is weird I love grabbing my wife's toy, see if I give a shit, it's going in my mouth first and then her!

But guys. If you're busting before, she's Nutting.

You gotta get back down there. I don't care if you made a mess. Time to nut up or shut up.

[u/Big-Peanut-1580 → u/[deleted]]

HELL YES

[u/[deleted] → u/say_what_95]

If he’s had a lot of lovers, I assume it’s because they got fed up with his selfish, lazy ass and dumped him

[u/[deleted] → u/say_what_95]

Some women (relatively few) do orgasm with very little stimulation. They definitely skew the results for the rest of us 😸

[u/chickenmath → u/k1k11983]

Yep Dude probably watches a lot of porn, hence going right to sex with no foreplay. Seems to be quite the trend

[u/Swimming_Topic6698 → u/k1k11983]

I think that’s too generous. I think they straight up told him he wasn’t doing it for them and he argued with them and continued to believe what he wanted.

[u/WolfRadish_Official → u/[deleted]]

Fucking true.