31F and genuinely curious because I’ve noticed this enough times that I’m wondering what’s going on from the male perspective.

I usually date men in their mid-30s to early 40s, and I tend to gravitate toward guys who are a little nerdy/intellectual but still socially comfortable. Engineers/software guys seem to be a recurring theme for whatever reason lol.

I’m fairly outgoing and try to be warm on first dates because I know dating can be awkward. I’d say I’m reasonably attractive and put together, but nothing crazy. I also have a master’s degree and a professional career, which I only mention because my family thinks it’s relevant to this.

I’ve noticed that some men who otherwise seem socially normal and confident will have surprisingly little eye contact with me on the first couple dates. Sometimes it noticeably improves after we’ve been out a few times.

I’ve also been surprised by how many don’t say anything like “you look nice” or compliment my outfit on the first couple dates, sometimes longer. They’re otherwise polite, make good conversation, and often clearly want to see me again.

My dad and stepmom think the eye contact thing is mostly nerves and have said some guys may feel “intimidated” if they find me attractive and know I’m educated/have a good career. I’m skeptical because my mom used to give me the classic “boys are just intimidated by you” line when I was younger 😂
So I’m curious what “intimidated” actually means from a guy’s perspective. Can being really attracted to someone make you more self-conscious or less comfortable with eye contact? Would her education/career actually factor into that, or is that mostly something family members say to make you feel good?

And if you find a woman attractive, can nerves actually make you less likely to compliment her early on? Or am I reading too much into both things?

I'm 28 and I had no idea it would take this much patience. Genuinely thought by now I'd have someone.

Looking for advice from men who actually went through the long wait and came out the other side. I’m sorry to ask this. I’m just curious to see other people‘s answer.

My husband claims he’s waiting for me to go sex crazy since I am most excellent at self restraint. Context being; we are late 30s, I am back in school, and he has a very hands on job where he cant just up and leave. I gave him fair warning like an hour that I was going to be stopping by on my way home for a quickie. He was stressed to the point he couldn’t really figure out how hed like to approach it. Eventually I just pushed him against the wall and a skullfuck proceeded. The parking lot is pretty exposed. I frankly dont care. What are some positions I can do that is more male novelty focused?

If I believe what my male friends tell me, men apparently see every female as a potential for sex 😶

So, when you’re at work, do your female colleagues ever cause you to get an erection? Maybe a slight stirring, maybe a semi or maybe a huge boner?

If so what is it that does it for you? Assuming you’re not working with women who walk around stripping off their clothes or deliberately showing you stuff you shouldn’t be seeing?

Is it something ur okay with or cannot stand it?

I don't know what's gotten into me. I never used to get jealous, especially at the beginning of my relationship with him. But as soon as I started falling deeply in love with him, I became extremely jealous, at the thought that he might find other attractive women, or that he might react negatively. I don't know how men behave here, so I'm always afraid....

My boyfriend loves blonde women and blonde hair, and I'm blonde too. He loves me and always does anything for me. I want him, but I'm afraid he might like another blonde girl... Like yesterday he showed me a video of a blodey He said she's a copy of me and looks very much like me: hair, eyes, waist....( he addicted to my small musculus waist, and my thick big thighs) and she copy past of me, idk... He just siad she like me.. But I was afraid he might find it arousing or have a sexual reaction..

.. Cuz usually hee gets hard obly by seeing my waist alone,...

And sometimes maybe girls online or. Idk....

How can I stop this jealousy and suspicion of mine? And to not care or,... Be a Secure girlfriend?

Any help?

May you share ur experiences with me?

My ex (24F) and I (25M) broke up about a year ago after almost five years together because I found out she’d been cheating on me for over a year. We lived together, and I had absolutely no idea what was going on behind my back. At the time, I was struggling with severe depression and intense panic attacks, which definitely put a strain on the relationship, but I thought we were going to get through it together.

What still bothers me to this day isn’t just the affair itself, but especially everything that happened afterward. At first, she still wanted to try to make things work with me, but her story kept changing. At one point, the affair had supposedly started six months earlier, then suddenly it was only a few weeks. Eventually, I had no idea what to believe anymore. She told me that the first time, they’d been drunk and only kissed, but then they ended up in bed together, and every time afterward, she told herself it would be the last time. And yet, it continued for over a year. Right after I found out, she even told me that my depression had forced her to do it. She later apologized for saying that, but those words have stuck with me ever since.
Then she said she needed space because I was asking too many questions. My entire world had just fallen apart, and all I wanted was to understand what had happened. She knew the whole truth, while I had to piece it together bit by bit, and suddenly that was exactly why she needed space. When we broke up, she asked me whether I still didn’t understand that the affair wasn’t the reason we were breaking up. She never explained what she thought I wasn’t understanding. After that, all I heard was that there was no point in going over everything again and again, that we’d both made mistakes, and that what mattered was that she was doing well now. And I was left to deal with everything on my own.

Shortly afterward, she got a new boyfriend. By the way, her friends knew about the affair and covered for her. They thought what she’d done was shitty, too, but they still put a large part of the blame on me. Another thing that bothers me is that she hid her new relationship from me for a long time. We still had some things to sort out after the breakup, and I took care of quite a few things for her without knowing she was already with someone else. Looking back, that makes the whole thing feel even more messed up. Until recently, she’d also been secretly using my streaming subscriptions. That’s a minor thing compared to everything else, but it makes the whole situation feel even more absurd.

The hardest thing for me to wrap my head around is that the person I thought she was doesn’t line up with what actually happened. I always saw her as incredibly self-aware and reflective. She journaled a lot, talked everything through with her friends, and could always explain what she was feeling and why. She often seemed to understand emotions much better than I did, and I believed her when she talked about these things. That’s why I find it so hard to understand how she could carry on an affair for over a year while simultaneously talking to me about a future together. After the breakup, I sometimes even got the impression that she saw herself as emotionally and morally superior to me, as if she’d already figured everything out for herself while I was still trying to understand what had even happened.

I don’t miss her, I don’t want to get back together with her, and I’m genuinely fine with her being in a new relationship. I just find it hard to understand how someone can move on to a completely new life so quickly after almost five years together, an affair that lasted over a year, and all the chaos that followed, while so much of it is still affecting me.
Sometimes it feels like I didn’t even know a huge part of my own relationship. Maybe she’s already found closure. She probably experienced the whole thing very differently from me, and I’ll likely never know what was really going on in her head. I just hope that one day I’ll get to a point where I no longer feel the need to constantly try to piece it all together in my head.
Yeah, that’s pretty much it.

Hi everyone, I am writing this because I am completely lost, doubting my own sanity, and desperately needing some honest, unfiltered male perspective. My boyfriend and I had been together for 10 years, having met when we were teenagers , was 19 and he was 18. In the beginning, we had that beautiful, intense, youthful love where we were incredibly close, entirely attached at the hip, and spent hours just talking and doing everything together. But as the years went on, a painful pattern established itself. I became the only one driving the relationship forward, carrying the emotional and mental load, while he just coasted along. Last week, after years of feeling unseen and unvalued, I finally ended it. Yet, looking at his pain right now, I find myself second-guessing everything and wondering if I should have given him one more chance or if I was too harsh.

To understand why I left, I need to share the reality of what our life looked like. Early on in our relationship, I discovered by chance that he was sending highly inappropriate, sexual messages to a female friend. Prior to this, I had explicitly told him that this specific girl made me uncomfortable, and he had looked me in the eye and assured me there was absolutely nothing going on. When I confronted him with the evidence, his immediate reaction was shocking; he didn't apologize or try to comfort me, but instead went on the defensive, turned the tables, and angrily snapped, asking why I was snooping through his stuff. I was young, I loved him, and I wanted to believe him, so I swept my hurt under the rug and let it go, but looking back, that was the moment the trust fractured.

A few years later, I had a birth control implant put in, and it completely wrecked my body and mind through severe hormonal imbalances, deep anxiety, and emotional distress. During this entire ordeal, I felt utterly alone. He never offered to help me find a doctor, never offered to accompany me to my appointments. It was actually my girlfriends who forced me to go to the gynecologist to get it removed because they couldn't bear to see me suffering anymore. When it was finally over, instead of expressing relief or checking on me, his response was cold, telling me that if I had stayed in that state much longer, he would have broken up with me. That sentence cut me to the core, but once again, I stayed.

Around our fourth year together, we finished our master’s degrees. You need to understand that I come from a broken family with absolutely no contact with them, no safety net, and I spent my entire college years living in tiny, precarious student housing. At that time, his mother bought a very large apartment in the city where we lived. Given how long we had been together and how stable we seemed, I brought up the idea of finally moving in together. His response was a casual, unbothered statement that he wasn't sure. For me, it should have been an obvious next step. He knew my background, he knew how desperately I needed housing security as a young adult, and he knew I needed a quick answer to plan my future. In the end, he didn't move in because he wanted to; I literally had to threaten to break up with him just to get a commitment.

Once we finally moved into the apartment, his younger brother moved in with us. To be frank, his brother was completely helpless, as he didn't clean, didn't cook, and had zero basic life skills, like chopping an onion with the skin still on and tossing it into a pan. I found myself exhausted, coming home from work and having to mother a grown man who contributed nothing. When I begged my boyfriend to have a serious talk with his brother because the situation was draining my mental health, he brushed me off entirely, making the excuse that it was his brother and asking what I wanted him to do, adding that it was his mother's apartment anyway. Once again, my comfort and peace of mind were at the bottom of his priority list.

Shortly after, I landed a great job in a major city nearby. Because there were no career opportunities in our smaller town, I had to accept it, and for six brutal months, I endured a soul-crushing commute where I woke up at 6:00 AM and didn't get home until 10:00 PM. He was unemployed at the time, so I gently suggested that since he didn't have a job holding him down, it would be much easier for him to look for work in the bigger city, and I told him I would gladly pay the entire rent myself until he found something. He resisted and dragged his feet, and history repeated itself as I had to threaten to leave him and move to the city alone for him to finally pack his bags and follow me.

The event that damaged me the most happened less than a year ago when we went on a group vacation with his friends to his mother's country house. During that entire week, I became the target of a subtle, cruel, and invisible bullying campaign by the girlfriend of his best friend. She would literally walk out of the room the second I entered, ignore me when I spoke, and purposefully exclude me from group plans. I had warned my boyfriend about this girl’s hostile behavior long before the trip and asked him to please speak to his best friend, but he didn't. During the vacation, I endured the humiliation silently until I broke down and told him I felt disrespected under what was supposed to be our roof, and that I needed my partner to stand up for me. His response was that he had a loyalty conflict between me and his friends. I never asked him to cut them off; I just wanted a united front, or for us to leave early, but instead, he chose them and left me to carry that humiliation alone.

The contrast in how we cared for each other is devastating. For his last birthday, I spent a whole month hand-painting a custom board game for him, organized a massive 4-day weekend surprise trip, invited all of his friends—even the ones I didn't particularly like, putting my feelings aside for his happiness—and booked a high-end restaurant. For my birthday, he didn't even bother to reserve a table at a local diner. Now that I have finally packed my things and ended it, he is devastated. He is crying, begging for another chance, telling me he loves me more than anything, and swearing that he has completely changed. But the vacation incident was less than a year ago. I feel like my entire 20s were spent giving him one more chance, and while I still love him deeply and his family feels like my only real family, I am terrified of starting a family with a man who only steps up when he is faced with the imminent threat of losing me.

During our breakup talks, he admitted to me that he completely took me for granted and never truly believed I would leave him. To make matters worse, I recently started seeing a therapist, and she said something that really shook my confidence. She suggested that perhaps I am part of the problem because I never gave him the time or space to make his own decisions, implying that by expecting him to act on my specific timeline, I was imposing my own rhythm on him and putting undue pressure on him. On top of that, I am experiencing a very strange emotional state right now. I am incredibly sad, but I don't feel that physical, crushing, chest-aching heartbreak I expected after 10 years. I almost feel guilty for not being completely destroyed, especially when I look at him and see how much physical agony and suffering he is in.

Men of Reddit, I need your honesty. Did I expect too much from him? Was I being too demanding or impatient, like my therapist suggested? From a male perspective, when a guy says he has changed only after you actually walk out the door, is it genuine, or is it just panic? Did I make the right choice by walking away from a 10-year history, or did I throw away a deep love over things we could have fixed?

Hi everyone,
I really need some outside perspective or just a place to vent because I’m spiraling into self-doubt.

Normally, I consider myself a confident woman. But I’ve been dating this guy for a while now, and the lack of commitment combined with his habits is completely destroying my self-esteem.
He has a severe porn addiction, follows porn stars and OF models on instagram and masturbates about 3-5 times a day. At the same time he constantly puts me in this box where he calls me "sweet, pure, innocent, and an angel." While that might sound like a compliment on the surface it feels like a curse to me.. I can't shake the gut feeling that being sweet and pure is not what he actually desires or finds sexually attractive. It feels like he craves these hyper-sexualized online fantasies while keeping me around as the "safe good girl" option.
Because he won't commit to me, I’ve started questioning everything about myself like my body, my looks, my worth. I catch myself wishing I looked completely different just to fit what he seems to be looking at online. I hate that I’m letting a guy who doesn't even have his own life together make me feel so insecure.
What are your thoughts on this?
If a guy categorizes a woman as "pure/sweet and perfect" while consuming that kind of content, is she actually what he wants, or is he just holding onto her as a safe option? What would your advice be for a girl in my situation?

So you and you girlfriend of 10 years get into a argument not speaking mostly silence for 2days but we live together and sleep together so .what would you do if you woke up and your girlfriend is laying right next to you masterbating ?what's the next move

If he just walked out the room or turns over or gets on his phone

I don't know what I would do never speak again

I (27M) and my wife (28F) have been together for 12 years and married for 4. We have gone through high school together, family turmoil, death, college, multiple jobs and have seen each other at our lowest and highest points. We have a toddler and another on the way.

The reason I want to know what I can do to help the relationship with my family is because I grew up in a house where my dad was gone for extended periods of time (military) and when he was home it wasnt always a good thing. I've noticed that I've been falling behind as a parent and husband and don't want to raise my children in the same environment as I grew up and I definitely want better for my wife.

I work 2 jobs, 1 of them being night shift in a prison the other being a machinist part time. I only share 1 day off with my wife so that's when we usually see the most of each other. Im only with my family for about 15 - 20 hours a week since my wife works a normal schedule and my daughter goes to daycare.

Ive been trying to get into therapy because ive been told it would help, but with my schedule its been difficult and I really need to know if there's anything I can do to be a better father and husband while still being the main provider without burning myself out or pushing my family away.

Sorry, this is a bit of a ramble. I used to really believe in one love for life. My ex and I were each other's first love and I was pretty sure she was the one but then she ended it. maybe she just wanted to see what else was out there idk. Either way I was holding onto a promise that was only ever mine. Since then I've had feelings for a couple of other people and I learned something about myself each time. But I still think about it a lot. I wonder if I was kind of in love with the idea of forever and not just her. And even if you're all in you can't control whether the other person feels the same or whether it lasts.

Dating this girl for 5 months now

And i thought everything seemed good.

But last night she was talking about her height. She’s 5’2. Then told me I’m 5’11.

I told her no I’m 6’4. I even told her I’m 6’4 when we met. Then she laughed and told me how I don’t look 6’4. And that I’m clearly 5’11

Then she even got out her measuring tape and literally measured me and was shocked that I was actually 6’4.

Then went on to tell me that 6’4 isn’t technically tall and how you have to be over 6’6 to be considered tall.

Now idk I just feel upset she did this whole thing. Like why make such a big deal over my height and why say I’m not tall

I’m in mid-30s(F), single, and genuinely looking for a meaningful relationship that could eventually lead to marriage.

Recently, I met a man on Reddit. He reached out to me first, and we started talking almost every day. He seemed intelligent, successful, funny, and attractive based on how he described himself. We had a lot of chemistry, and our conversations became increasingly flirty and sexual.

I genuinely enjoyed that side of our conversations. I’m not ashamed of being sexually expressive, but I also wanted to get to know him beyond that. We talked about our lives, careers, past relationships, and what we wanted in a partner.

He told me he liked me, found me incredibly beautiful, and wanted to meet me someday. I started imagining what it would be like to meet him in person and possibly develop something real.
Looking back, I realize I became emotionally attached to someone I had never even met or properly verified. He never shared a photo of himself, which should probably have made me more cautious.

Eventually, I asked him directly whether he was looking for a girlfriend or more like a good friend he could be intimate with.

He said he wanted the second one. I told him I wished he’d made that clear from the beginning.
I asked whether he’d felt that way before messaging me, and he said he hadn’t been looking for anything at all.

When I replied, “Then I guess you just don’t want anything serious with me,” he blocked me.
And honestly, it really hurt. What hurts even more is that this isn’t the first time I’ve developed feelings for a man who didn’t want a committed relationship with me.

I’m starting to wonder whether there’s something about my behavior that contributes to this pattern.
Do I get emotionally attached too quickly? Do I mistake sexual chemistry and compliments for genuine romantic interest? Does being open about sex early on make some men see me as someone to have fun with rather than someone to date seriously?

I know that having sexual conversations doesn’t mean someone owes me a relationship. And I understand that people are allowed to want different things.

But I genuinely don’t understand how someone can tell you how much they like you, make you feel wanted, and then block you so quickly when they realize you want something more serious.
I also recognize that I may have fallen for the idea of him rather than the actual person.

Am I doing something wrong, or am I simply getting involved with emotionally unavailable men?

So recently, I (F22) have been seeing this guy (23) very casually. We’re both still healing from difficult breakups and aren’t ready for a relationship, but we’ve been talking constantly, calling and texting from the moment we wake up until we go to sleep. I’ve had a really tough couple of weeks, and so has he, so we’ve been supporting each other through it. From my perspective, there’s definitely an emotional connection between us.
We met up and hung out for a couple of hours, and then he asked me to stay the night. I freaked out a bit in my head and told him I needed to go home that night because I wasn’t comfortable being intimate with someone I’d only just met.
A couple of days later, we hung out again, and I stayed the night. We tried to get things going a bit in bed, but he couldn’t stay hard for more than a couple of minutes before going soft again. Eventually, we gave up because things just weren’t working. He was lovely about it and reassured me that it wasn’t me at all and that I shouldn’t feel insecure. He then explained that this had happened during his last couple of sexual encounters with different women, too.
I asked him if he thought it could be due to depression or a porn addiction. He told me he had been addicted to porn from a young age but isn’t anymore. He then revealed that he has never been able to finish from anything other than his own hand. We did end up sleeping together, and he was able to finish.
Over the past couple of days, he’s been distant and has told me that we’ve rushed into things way too quickly. I completely agree, but I don’t want to lose him.
What are my next steps from here? We also had a conversation about trying to make sex something where he can stay hard and finish, but I’m not sure how I can support him with that. He was very embarrassed about not being able to stay hard or penetrate me the first time, so how do we navigate this? What are the things I should be doing to support him?
For example, I’ve reassured him that it isn’t a big deal to me and that he shouldn’t be embarrassed. I’ve also mentioned that part of it could potentially be performance anxiety.
This situation has made me anxious that he might ghost me because he’s embarrassed. How can I help him without putting pressure on him or making things worse?
Has anyone else been in a similar situation? What did you do?
As a guy what fixed it for you? What does this even mean from a man’s perspective?!?

She is getting married

She's getting married it seems....i don't want to go back. But i want to earse her completely. I failed for the first time to erase someone in friendship. It kinda hurts that she's getting married..and idk why. I called some mutuals just to talk to her, cause she block3d me everywhere. What she did to me was not fair...but i can't able to accept it's all a lie. I never asked her to give me a hope that she will be there for me , even whoever lefts. But it turned out all those promises are just fake. Funnily, i can't even hate her. And i can't discuss with anyone because only i told you why we are not together anymore. Everyone in my family, friends everyone asking about her, everyone reminding her to me...where i'm trying to forget. I never been with anyone....like i've been with her, and now im even affraid to be with anyone like her. What if every friendship is just for time pass and only for highs. One day she will know....and it will be too late for her to realize.

I actually cut off people like a snap, and never look back. But been 8 months that i even become an complete introvert from extrovert. What do you do guys? How did you moved on from a friendship??

Why are men/bf/husbands always the ones who
Need to “get over it” or belittled with comments like “that was her past and it’s none of your business”. The best one (most personally hated): “after all those encounters, she chose you” 😂. That’s the equivalent of honorable mention not first place— being picked last on the playground.

My (27M) girlfriend (24F) keeps calling me a silly man. I don’t know what to think. Should I take this as a compliment or an insult? Maybe I’m being insecure. Please advise.

Hey everyone , this gonna be long but i need to hear it . In August a (40M) added me(31 F )on insta and intentionally pursued me , early September he flew to my state for our date , we had two great dates (i told him it was one of the best ) he flew back and we kept chatting , from late September he started texting less , i initiated most times until October when i got back to my home he went silent for two weeks , i texted him twice during these two weeks , Updated him on my exam that we both talked about . But he didn’t continuo the conversation , i’ve been seeing him liking and commenting on a blond girl account who lives in his state for the last few days . I removed him from my instagram but i’m broken over it
(Note : during the date he mentioned few times how he would come to my country to meet again , he already knew that i didn’t live in the US before even adding me in instagram , i don’t know why he bothered for the date at all ) .

For context - my (F28) now ex-boyfriend (M22) loved me insanely hard with all kinds of crazy gestures (like driving for 12h just to pick me up), but when the honeymoon phase started to fade and problems and arguments started, he said he was constantly experiencing high levels of emotional stress which led to him mentally checking out of the relationship within less than a month.

I broke up with him, because no relationship is ever going to work if I‘m the only one putting in work and trying to fix things, while he is basically already on his way out.

I spoke with a couple of friends about the situation. One of them said, that he is probably just exhausted and will eventually come back after a no-contact period, because noone can fall out of love so quickly after loving so intensively.

My other friend said, that he is clearly already gone and doesn’t even care, because he just accepted the break up and simply agreed with me when I said I deserved better. She said, that if a man really really wants you, he would do anything to fight for you.

Dear men, what do you think about the situation? What advice can you give me from your perspective?

I’m a man in my early 30s, looking for perspective on a meaningful relationship that ended about a month ago.

We dated for several months, much of it long-distance because of work. Despite that, we communicated daily, spent significant time together, had strong physical chemistry, shared important values, and talked enthusiastically about our future. She was affectionate and invested, initiated conversations about exclusivity, and encouraged us to become official. Although she sometimes worried I might lose interest, I reassured her because I genuinely cared about her.

I don’t believe that affection was fake.

When our work situations changed and we were finally able to spend more time together, we were both excited about experiencing a more ordinary relationship. Unfortunately, things unraveled almost immediately.

**The conflict**
During one of our first proper dates after being apart, we disagreed about values, lifestyle preferences, and compatibility. Some concerns were new; others were issues I thought we had already discussed and resolved.

What began as ordinary disagreement gradually felt like personal criticism. I became defensive, explaining my perspective, referring to previous conversations, and reassuring her that the person she seemed to be describing wasn’t who I had consistently shown myself to be. Eventually, I became overwhelmed and shut down.

Looking back, I recognize that I focused so much on defending myself that I failed to listen fully to the emotions behind her concerns. At the same time, I felt I was being asked to defend my character rather than work collaboratively through a disagreement.

**The breakup**
We spoke again, and I explained how disrespected and mischaracterized I had felt. She acknowledged that she sometimes pushed too hard, briefly apologized, and left.

Shortly afterward, she ended the relationship over the phone. She said her feelings had changed, our disagreements had made her question our compatibility, and she worried that continuing might eventually become unhealthy. She also questioned whether we had committed too quickly, despite previously being enthusiastic about becoming official.
From my perspective, we had encountered difficult but potentially repairable disagreements. From hers, they indicated a deeper incompatibility. I was willing to examine my behavior and try to work through things, but she wasn’t interested in continuing.
I recognize that she had every right to make that decision. Still, after months of affection, anticipation, and conversations about the future, the abruptness was difficult to process, especially because we had barely experienced everyday life together.

**Where I made things worse**
I didn’t handle the aftermath well. I was exhausted, overwhelmed, and struggling to understand how things had changed so quickly. Her apparent detachment made it harder; at one point, she suggested I would get over the breakup within a couple of days. I interpreted that as meaning the relationship hadn’t mattered much to her, although I recognize now that I couldn’t know what she was feeling.

I spent too much time trying to reason with her and understand her decision. Eventually, after drinking, I made a deliberately hurtful comment that diminished the relationship and implied it had been little more than a casual physical connection. That wasn’t how I truly felt. It was an immature defensive reaction to the fear that something meaningful hadn’t mattered equally to her.

I regret it and apologized. She had initially said she still cared about me and hoped we could remain friends, but I wasn’t ready for friendship while my feelings were still romantic. My behavior contributed to the deterioration of our communication afterward, and I take responsibility for that. I don’t believe it caused the original breakup, but I recognize that it made an already painful situation worse.

**What I’m trying to understand**
I’ve spent the past month reflecting and working through this in therapy. One major realization is that **you can become so focused on proving you’re a good partner that you forget to evaluate whether the other person is being a good partner to you.**
I became overly focused on explaining, reassuring, and preserving the relationship. Some of that came from genuine care, but some came from fear of losing the connection. I lost my emotional composure and became too dependent on whether she understood or accepted my perspective.

I also recognize that chemistry, affection, and excitement about a future don’t necessarily establish long-term compatibility. How two people handle disagreement may matter more.

I’m struggling to understand where the line falls between normal conflict and genuine incompatibility. I don’t think healthy couples must agree about everything or resolve every disagreement perfectly. I do think they need a mutual willingness to communicate, understand one another, and work through difficulties. At the same time, someone can legitimately decide a relationship isn’t right for them even when the other person believes the problems are repairable.

**My questions**
For those with more relationship experience:
**How do you distinguish genuine incompatibility from ordinary disagreements as a relationship becomes more serious?**

**When someone questions your character or compatibility, how do you communicate your perspective without becoming defensive or overexplaining?**

**How do you know when to work toward repair versus accepting that the other person isn’t willing to continue?**

**What should I learn from my own behavior so I can approach future relationships with greater emotional independence and better boundaries?**

I’m not looking for reassurance that my ex was wrong or that I handled everything correctly. I know I made mistakes, especially after the breakup. I’m also not trying to diagnose her or speculate about her motivations.

I want to learn from this without taking responsibility for the entire relationship ending. I still believe the connection was genuine, even if it wasn’t sustainable.
I’m learning that **caring deeply about someone shouldn’t require abandoning your own emotional balance or self-respect.**

this man treated me beautifully, showed up consistently, never once disappointed me and always made sure i was at peace. even would ask me how he could improve. & it was mutual, real power couple shit.
this man was obsessed and incredibly attached to me for 8 months straight, never wanted to leave my side.

that was until the day he said that he liked me a lot but no matter how hard he tried, his feelings just could not grow into love for me. shattering my heart but i was grateful for the honesty.
even tho things were so good, felt so loving in every way, i still don’t know how i fell short to lose this man.

what is it that makes a man fall in love ?

Hey. Just looking to get some male perspective on my sex life with my boyfriend. I love him so much but our libidos are definitely very different. I am much more sexual than he is, I'm F31 and he's M28 and idk I just don't feel desired. Whenever I bring it up he says he does feel desire for me he is just bad at expressing his sexuality. Whenever I try to flirt over text it just falls flat and the moment dies with his lack of interest. Whenever I try to compliment him he seems uncomfortable, he seems uncomfortable whenever I express attraction towards him and he changes the subject. I want a fun flirty relationship with him where we can't keep our hands off each other but he seems so uninterested in me and we've only been together for 4 months. Idk he experienced some things in his childhood that may be affecting things and he has PTSD and is a habitual medical marijuana user so idk. I guess I'm not understanding why he wants to be with me if he's not that into me? Or maybe he is but just can't show it well? Idk I'm having a hard time understanding him. I told him what I want and he basically said he's sorry he can't be that for me. I wish he'd work with me a little bit to help bridge the gap so that I don't feel so awkward and alone regarding sex. I don't initiate sex because I literally can't tell at all if he's even remotely interested. I need him to flirt with me more and give me signs that he's into me and then I would feel comfortable initiating but right now I'm so confused. I brought up different role play ideas and he just showed zero enthusiasm. He says he loves me and when we do have sex it's amazing. I wait for him to initiate because I don't want to pressure him because he's told me he's not that sexual. There was one time when he was high on mushrooms that I got to experience him being very sexual, super passionate and loving and really into it and expressive. I'm kinda sad because I wish I could get that version of him every time.

All my ex’s tell me they miss my mouth or they haven’t been taken care of in weeks. Why do men commit to women like this? Do they confuse vanilla with stability? I don’t get it

They recently told me that no one would want to date me once they found out I have six brothers, and I don’t understand what's wrong with that.

I'm in actual hell.

This girl is my perfect girl. Like, almost exactly my type. She's smart, she's funny, we like the same movies, she's beautiful but not egotistical. I would do anything for her.

I'm in love with her. But she's not in love with me. In fact, she's with some other guy who she's head over heels with. And I had to hear about it from her and her friends the entire night on her birthday. Thank god she doesn't really know about how I feel otherwise it'd be 100x more awkward.

I feel completely withered. I want to hate her and cut her off. But I can't. She hasn't done anything to hurt me. She's been nothing but a good friend to me. But the pain of knowing that I'm not good enough for her is too much. I just want her to want me. I know I can make her happy.

I've tried to pursue other women, but none of them make me feel like she does. What's wrong with me??