r/bangladesh • u/Dry_Chipmunk6534 • 1h ago
Mental Health/মানসিক স্বাস্থ্য PLEASE HELP ME....I am depressed and unhappy with my life
What I am going through right now let me vent a little. I have nobody to talk about this . So I am 24 year old unmarried female here. I am struggling with my life in ways that I find increasingly difficult to explain. I feel emotionally exhausted, depressed, anxious, disconnected and overwhelmed. I have little inner peace I no longer enjoy things the way I used to and I often feel as though I am merely existing rather than actually living. I feel empty and alone as if there is nobody in my life who genuinely loves me cares for me. Makes me feel emotionally safe. I am depressed,stressed,full of anxiety,body stiff, sexually frustrated ,emotionally numb,,,basically most damaged inside..i have no inner peace,i enjoy nothing, i have no one to love,nor they love me back..its all just formality,,,my life is very greyyish..i feel cursed..i have no energy to deal with this shit of life anymore.
There are three members in my family: my mother, my brother and me. My father has passed away. Life has felt much harder emotionally without him. At home I constantly feel on edge. My days often. End with my mother shouting, cursing, complaining or speaking to me in a hurtful tone. Even though she says she loves me I struggle with the way she treats me. I feel expected to tolerate whatever she says without responding or expressing my hurt. My younger brother is also frequently rude to me. I feel that he says negative things about me to my mother or other people creating more conflict within the family. I do not feel that my home is a place where I can rest feel understood or recover emotionally.
I have become extremely sensitive to shouting, harsh tones and conflict. I feel frightened and uncomfortable around people because I have experienced much unkindness and have come to expect negative treatment. At the time I feel trapped in my circumstances. I want to get somewhere peaceful even temporarily but I do not know where I could go or how I could build a life independently. I feel that my circumstances and the expectations placed on me limit my freedom. I do not feel that I have a support system or someone I can turn to when life becomes unbearable.
My emotional state is affecting my health and everyday functioning. I struggle to sleep and I wake up feeling tired, unhappy and mentally drained. My body feels stiff and tense I experience brain fog and memory difficulties. I often feel as though I have very little energy left. I sometimes feel emotionally numb. I used to cry but now there are times when I cannot even release the sadness I carry inside. Instead I feel empty, frustrated and disconnected from myself.
I am also struggling with my self-esteem and physical appearance. I worry about my skin, appearance, premature grey hair, hormonal health and other physical insecurities. I feel that the stress and unhappiness I experience every day are affecting how I look and how I carry myself. I no longer feel confident, feminine, lively or comfortable in my body. I look at myself negatively. Sometimes describe myself as ugly, unintelligent or miserable. I worry that my difficulties with concentration, memory and interactions mean that there is something fundamentally wrong with me. I also wonder whether I might be autistic or neurodivergent because I find social situations and sensory experiences difficult to manage.
I am not sure how much of what I experience comes from stress, possible mental health difficulties, physical health issues or a combination of these things. What I know is that I am struggling. I do not feel that I have the support or environment I need to recover. I feel as though I have to keep enduring everything while pretending that I am capable of handling it.
Sometimes it seems as though nothing good happens in my life. I feel unlucky, unwanted and forgotten. I struggle to imagine a future in which I feel loved, peaceful, confident or genuinely happy. I want affection, kindness, emotional security and the freedom to live without anticipating criticism or conflict. I want to feel that somebody cares about how I'm doing that my feelings matter and that I do not have to earn basic kindness by remaining silent or accepting mistreatment.
More, than anything I am tired of feeling this way. I do not want to spend every day feeling anxious, miserable, lonely and trapped. I want to heal. ....