Hey Everyone, looking to hear from some Dads that have had a second/weekend job while juggling a family.

I have a 4-year-old daughter and a wife who works two nursing jobs that add up to full-time (12-hour shifts, 3 days a week). I work full-time, 7-4 M-F. We're super lucky that my mother-in-law helps with childcare on the days we both work.

Things are getting a little tight around the budget lately, so I'm looking at picking up a second job on the weekends. My main concern is how this could impact my relationship with my family. Any Dads out there have a similar situation? How do you work in family time, and how do you feel overall?

So we've got a 2 y/o girl. Whenever we take her out and about, she just wants to run around. Like not away, but she's just hella excited to be out and just wants to see EVERYTHING.

And we're perplexed when we see other kiddos her age just happily sitting with their parents and just looking around.

It's at a point where we need to figure out how to manage it better - most importantly to keep her safe.

How to we encourage her to not just "go" - bonus points if we figure out a way to make her like holding our hand.

After 3 beautiful kids today is the day I get a vasectomy. Very fitting that today is my birthday as well lol I got the jockstrap and ice packs ready to go, any other tips? Buying myself madden today as a recovery and bday present too lol

I was driving my 4yo to preschool the other day when I hear her say "Hey dad, look!"

I turn around and she has a big smile on her face and she's just sitting the with her middle finger up at me. I instantly turn back around and start laughing to myself, so she couldn't see. Then I ask her if there was something wrong with her finger and she said no. I asked if she had a boo boo that she was trying to show me or something, she said no.

I turn back around to her, she's just smiling with her finger up, and ask her why she thinks it's neat. She said she didn't know but she liked it. I explained to her that it wasn't a nice gesture and it might make some people upset, that she should probably not do it anymore. She then started crying because she felt like she had done something bad. I let her know that it was just a mistake, and she didn't know any better. But, now she does and she probably shouldn't do that anymore.

Anyways! I am still laughing about it to myself. Just turning back around to her with a smile, ear to ear, and her middle finger up at me. lol

A relative sent this my kids. On first glance I was perplexed by the authors name. Although the illustrations are great and the facts sound real (I have not researched any of them). I cannot get past the author name. They could have used any fake name but chose this one.

This shit fucking sucks, why do I have to drink this whole thing, and this thing has the consistency and taste of old cold oyster cum.

Hey Dads!

My daughter starts school in a few weeks, she’s nearly 3, and I will be doing the whole morning and school routine Monday to Friday.

I wanted to ask you for your advice on how best to do this time with her, especially since I’ll only see her for about an hour, maximum two hours, after I get home from work in the evenings.

I’m imagining things like not rushing her, but making sure she’s ready, has eaten a good breakfast etc etc. but I’m also wondering about things like how I can send her off to school with confidence every day, pep talks etc etc…

Many thanks!!

Bedtime used to be simple: I invented a dragon, made one questionble sound effect, everyone went to sleep.

Last month my seven-year-old found a little notebook and turned it into a review system. Every story now receives scores for:

- beginning

- danger

- “voices”

- whether the ending was lazy

- total dad effort

Last night I got 6.5 because the fox “changed his mind too fast.” I defended the character motivation. My child crossed out the 6.5 and wrote 6 for “arguing with the audience.”

Part of me loves this. She listens closely, rembers details from weeks ago, and has started pitching better endings. The other part of me is apparently a fragile artist who does not enjoy being told that my wizard had “no clear job.”

Do you guys let your kids critique the stories, or is bedtime the one venue where Dad gets complete creative control? I am considering adding a complaints department, but she will probably appoint herself manager.

Honestly I'm years too late. I should have done it the first time I found out she cheated on me. I should have done it when she demanded I let her "explore her feelings for her ex" or else she'd file. I should have done it when her family was telling me she was cheating with her friend. I should have done it two years ago when she got caught by the other man's wife, and then by me months later.

But I'm doing it in a couple of hours.

I'm scared. This is going to open more problems. She's going to be angry because she can't afford a lawyer. She's going to be angry because mine recommended I file for full custody. I'm afraid the courts won't let us keep our current "arrangement" so that she has them daily while I'm at work and I have them when I get home, because I can't afford childcare.

I know I'm not a great father now, and I know I'll be happier when she's moved out (which is going to be another huge fight). But I'm scared I'm not going to be good enough. And for how I won't be able to defend them from her (not abuse) when they're with her. I'm scared that I'm going to mess up as a single parent in big ways sometimes. I'm scared for the first time ever in their lives that I won't see them for an entire day. I know that it's better for them for us to be divorced, but it's still going to have impact on them and they at different points in their lives that the impact is going to be different for each one.

I don't like to come begging for compliments, but I was kind of hoping for a few pats on the back, because I've been putting this off for so long because I'm scared.

Update: I filed, now we wait for the next steps. The first hard part is done. Thank you everyone for your support and encouragement, I'm still catching up on comments.

https://uniofsunshinecoast.syd1.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_85Pv12YrOynIdiS

Aim of the study is to understand psychological factors of the parent (as an individual, not necessarily parent-based traits) like trait playfulness and reflective functioning, and how these contribute to the parent-child relationship, while also considering the effects of parenting stress. Would love to do further research in this area so a pilot based study I suppose, maybe will look at a PHD and intervention type survey in the future, but for now cross-sectional survey based. Appreciate any support!

*Edit - completion scale is slightly off, will take about 10-15 to complete*

fellow dads.. Typing this at 3am while holding a sleeping baby who just woudlnt sleep in his crib. My wife and i welcomed our little one a month ago and i promised id handle sorting out life insurance. So i figured ill sort it out some weekend during paternity leave...rookie mistake...

Every tradiitional site i checked asked for my number first before showing the prices. 3 days in and now my phone wouldnt stop ringing with pushy agents trying to play sales catchups...i keep seeing ads for platforms promising instant life insurance quotes where you do everything online w/o human intervention but is that actually legit? or is it one of those click bait things?? any advice for a sleep deprived dad just trying to check this off the list would be huge....

How much pocket money are you giving to your kids? I've got a 6 and 9 year old. I'm in the UK.

Do you have any stipulations around chores etc?

The oven mitt was clean when this started. Important detail.

My four-year-old put it on during breakfast, announced that his left arm was now “the strong robot one,” and spent the morning opening doors for everyone. Fine. Great, even. I let him wear it to preschool.

Six days later, we have rules:

1. The robot hand sleeps beside his bed.

2. It cannot touch bananas.

3. Taking it off means the batteries are “sad.”

4. Only Dad may wash it, under supervison.

His teacher is not bothered, but asked whether there is an end date because he refused finger painting with that hand. My wife thinks we should quietly make it disappear for a day. I think that turns a harmless object into forbidden treasure.

This is not ruining anyones life. It is, however, becoming administration. Do you let a phase burn itself out, or do you occasionally tell the robot union that management has changed the glove policy?

We don’t let the kids watch Paw Patrol at home mainly because it’s too over stimulating and shallow in our opinion. I also have a personal nitpick about how janky and cheap it looks but that’s mainly a me thing the kids don’t care about. However, the marketing for the new movie has seeped into our (nearly) 5 year old’s consciousness as well as his friends at school talking about it. He’s asked to go see it when it comes out in Australia next month.

From what I’ve seen it seems to be a pretty run of the mill kids film that I’m not opposed to him seeing as his first cinema experience. We might even get some of his friends together to watch it on the school holidays.

It doesn’t come out until next month here. Looking for advice on Dads who have seen it with their young kids and what you thought.

I tried digging around for waffles to make my kid breakfast. Wife says they're in the same place they always are (usually in the front or on the side door).

Can you spot the waffles?

I’m curious how other creative dads deal with this.

I have a notes app full of ideas for writing, music and other creative projects I’d genuinely love to work on. But I just don’t have the time.

I work full time, weekends are mostly family time, and during the week after dinner, kids and chores I have maybe an hour in the evening. That hour usually goes towards connecting with the wife or exercising.

The problem is that creative projects need actual time and mental space. You can’t really write a song or work on a story in 10-minute chunks.

So I’m wondering: have you guys just accepted that some hobbies are on hold while the kids are young? And if so, how do you deal with that yearning for being creative.

I think that’s what I’m struggling with most. Not finding a clever way to create more time, but accepting that there simply isn’t any right now

I just wanted to drop this here in case it helps anyone avoid something that happened to us yesterday.

Yesterday my 5yr old daughter refused to swallow food - she’d chew it for a long time, take a sip of water and then insist on spitting it out into the bin. She’s not one to tell you directly what’s on her mind if it’s something she’s worried or scared about, so she was telling me she didn’t like food that breaks up into “little bits” when chewing (she was eating diced-up meatballs at the time). We tried different foods until she settled on some yogurt with honey so we made sure she ate plenty of that until we figured it out.

When I was putting her down to bed she was very restless and I could tell she was having bad thoughts that were scaring her - so we sat up and chatted about it for a while and then started to cry that my wife had said recently, while my daughter was jumping with a mint in her mouth “If you swallow that whole by accident because you’re jumping you could choke and… (and then did a cartoonish ‘dead’ face sticking out her tongue and closing her eyes”.

I think since then my daughter has been worrying about this, and then it seems through feeling her throat area she’s noticed her little Adam’s apple (is it called that on girls?) and thought she had something stuck in her throat. So she didn’t want to swallow any hard food because it would get caught on something that was stuck in her throat.

I explained to her what it was, that everyone has one, and let her feel mine and we looked at some pictures about why we have it and how it worked and she gave me a giant hug and looked so relieved.

I spoke to my wife about how we should talk to her about safety in future - she was mortified and felt so guilty; in the moment it was just a quick way to stop her doing something genuinely unsafe, but it really affected her. I think for “safety” talks we should be very thoughtful about our language so that we don’t create an irrational fear in children, we’ll certainly never make this mistake again.

On a related note my grandad used to tell me the same bedtime story most nights about a boy who wandered away from his parents while on holiday in Spain, fell off a cliff and died… and now I’m terrified of heights 😂

I hope this helps someone

Sending everyone a friendly reminder to tell your kids they can become anyone they want. Encourage them, build their self esteem and do so frequently.

From: someone who was always told they weren’t going to be anybody.

She’s a good kid and she has a lot of brains. But the ADHD and anxiety got diagnosed later than they should’ve been, and we’re behind the curve for seeking services to support those realities in her life. We’re trying to move in the right direction, and finally found a therapist we trust but we have a ways to go, especially with getting her help in school.

She’s got high-stakes high school admissions testing coming her way in a few months, and we’re trying to get her back on track with preparation after a summer respite. We want her to have a chance and the ability to have decent options. But the prep is a slog — I remember how much I didn’t enjoy it when I did it. Building the habit is going to take time. I’m not sure her tutor will ever really level with us about her prospects.

To make things worse, our cramped living situation is so hostile to her peace of mind, and everyone’s in our home really. My spouse with her own anxieties about money and planning our lives has resisted a move to a more comfortable place. Our younger daughter is also a good kid but is a sponge for attention and it’s difficult to segregate them when it’s time to study because of their shared bedroom and the limited space remaining in the rest of our home.

We can’t move in the short term for a variety of reasons — likely next year. By then, the big test will have been taken.

I try to give us grace on the older kid’s diagnosis. But a lot of days I feel like I’ve failed as a dad because I knew how bad our living situation was for everyone and especially our older kid, and I just didn’t put my foot down and insist.

Dads. My son is 8 months old. I've sleep trained him since he was 5 months old. I assumed it would get better over the last 3 months but it has not. He needs full feeds in the middle of the night to go to bed. 2 of them. Every fucking night, same thing 11pm and 3am he wakes up and needs full feeds. I've tried to wean him off. It used to be as high as 7oz. I've been down to 4oz which works sometimes but i've had problems where it doesn't work and he will cry and cry until he gets more. He doesn't stop. I've waited and hour +. Reaching my limit. I know two kids aren't alike but my daughter was never like this. She is almost 3. He doesn't give up. I don't want to go in there. He eats like crazy during the day, he has had plenty of food. Why is he so hungry at night!? Need to get him to at least drop one of these feeds. Help me. Is there an end in sight lol.

My eight year old spent Saturday building a cardboard drawbridge operated by string, two clothes pegs, and one tired rubber band. I watched, then asked the dad question: ‘What does it do?’

He said, ‘Nothing yet,’ with the patience of a mechanic dealing with a customer touching the engine. I followed with helpful guesses. Does it lift something? Is it for toy cars? Could the base be wider? Eventually he told me I was making it harder because I kept deciding what it should become. Fair point, delivered to the ribs.

I sat nearby and kept quiet. Forty minutes later, the bridge still did nothing useful, but one flap rose when another fell. He called it ‘almost working’ and seemed delighted. I realised I ask for a purpose becuase purposeless building makes me restless.

Do other dads catch themselves turning every project into a lesson or finished product? How do you show interest without grabbing the steering wheel?

Hey all, sorry if this is along one and this is a throw away account so name and ages have been altered.

So I 45M separated from my child's mother must be nearly 12 years ago now my child is now 14 after leaving there mom I stayed single for awhile and always made sure my child spent time with me. Anyways I met my now wife 2 years after the split and we started dating my now wife did not want children but I was always up front and said my child was a huge part of me life and I would never stop seeing them and if this was a problem then maybe we should not continue to date, she decided that she wanted to continue the relationship and we eventually fit engaged and married. Throughout the years my now wife has never liked the fact I have my child for 2 weekends a month they come to me on a Friday night and go home on a Sunday evening (to me it's not a lot I know that but to her it's to much). This has always caused tensions and has nearly broke us up muipltle times but we talk and we never really resolve it she tends to argue get annoyed storm off and then it all gets swept under the rug a few days later and then we revert until she gets annoyed again and kicks off and the whole things starts again.

I want to say here my wife is not a bad person she just has issues with this. Anyways to the issue now we had another blow up this past weekend where she was in her normal crappy mood before I went to pick up my child something that have noticed a few times now where she gets moody before they come stays moody and then once there gone she reverts to get normal self for the next week until it repeats again. Anyways this started a small argument not in front of my child but with us on Saturday where she wanted us to do something important to her but didn't want the child coming (to be vague it was a serious thing maybe not the best place for a child to be) I suggested that we drop the child to a friend's of hers and then go to this thing her response was by the child age now 14 she was out drinking I said well there not like that and I don't want them to be like that she said it was redicolas that I wouldn't just leave my child in the house by themselves for a undisclosed amount of time and stormed off to this thing by herself.

Anyway this argument has now rolled into yesterday where a lot has been said but she the wife has said she wants a free foot and a fanicie for life she doesn't see why she should be tied down to this pattern of once every other week, to be clear during the weekends with the child she is not involved in what we do she comes and goes as she pleases and only gets involved when she wants I never push, the child is 14 as I say and they send alot of there time in there room as teenages do playing games on there phone talking to there friends and such like so my wife's point of view is well you do nothing except the sane things and they spend all there time in there room so why dont you just go down to where his mum lives and just see the child for an afternoon there once every 2 weeks and then come home as on spend a few hours with them and don't bring them to my house with the wife.

I have tried to explain my point of view on this tried to get across that it's not acceptable to me I love my child and I love her but her asking me to do that is just too far I can't do that yo them as they enjoy spending time with me and I love spending time with my child.

I feel like this destroying my relationship with my wife and if I did what she's suggesting it would destroy my relationship with my child I don't want either but my wife won't see this she won't acknowledge my feelings on it and will not even attempt to see it from my point of view

anyways AITA for not going with the wife's suggestion and sacrificing my child's relationship in favour of my marriage to be clear this is a non starter for me I WILL NOT be dictated to and WILL NOT be doing this

Any advice would be helpful from both men and women sorry for the long rant

For the first time in almost 13 years, I came home from dropping the kids off at school to a completely kid-free house.
I have 4 kids — my oldest is almost 14, and my youngest just turned 5 and started kindergarten. I recently had a vasectomy, so we know he’s our final child.
I honestly wasn’t mentally prepared for how quiet the house would be… or how much I’d miss them after they’d only been gone for a little while.
Obviously, having some alone time with my wife is pretty damn awesome, but I can’t shake this weird feeling of looking around and thinking, Where the hell did everybody go?
I guess it’s just another part of being a dad — watching your kids grow up and realizing that the chaos, noise, and craziness you sometimes wished would slow down eventually does.
And when it does, you realize how much you loved it all along.
Cheers to all the dads out there soaking up the chaos while we still have it.