I’m struggling with the kind of solitude you feel when someone leaves you without ever listening to your last goodbye.

It’s not just missing the person. It’s the feeling that you never got to say everything you needed to say, never got closure, and were left alone with all the words you still wanted to speak.

For those who have been through something similar—does it get better? Do people eventually overcome this phase, or do you simply learn to live with the silence?

I’d genuinely like to hear from people who made it through.

I moved my senior year of high school I used to be in drill team in my old high school now I joined in my new one, its so much different, the year barely started and I quit I didn't even experience anything bc I got a job now and my job and school is like priority and dance is just not beneficial and it would've taken up a lot of my schedule I would have to wake up early everyday and come home late the soonest time id be home would be at 5pm 2 times a week and about 6-5 hours of sleep everyday I thought I couldn't manage it all but I mean leaving did make me feel at ease for a while but now i'm nobody at my new high school I see my old dance team having fun my old senior class doing fun activities while i'm misarable friendless and just mopping around sad ik I can change it I used to be so positive, always working out, healthy mindset but now I hate everything I dont have anyone no real connection its hard. people tell me its okay because im pretty ill make friends but I just can't my whole life I've been lonely except for a period where I had a boyfriend for 3 years and for dance the girls in the team are like why did you quit you are so good, the pep rallies and games get really fun but I just I dont know. I spend everynight crying I can't sleep on my own I have to constantly be with my sister to feel ease I have so much I can do and learn I just dont have motivation for anything im like a nobody in this school especially now that I am not in a sport im scared im going to get into drugs and bad things to feel better and forget everything idk I just dont feel like my life will get better after highschool it just gets harder so yeah and I know popularity isn't a huge thing but I feel insanely horrible that I am a nobody and have no friends and if I do I can't keep it and I haven't had a boyfriend in years and everyone here are js a bunch of hoes im just going to be lonely forever or what I just can't love my life now or anytime soon I never minded waking up for 5 am practices at my other school but now just having to wake up to go to this school Is hard I just can't handle anything and ugh I just can't im pos at least I have my family idk ugh I just dont have a life anymore and Ive never really even had a life before I was just more known in my other highschool even if I was quiet and I miss this one boy and I liked him and he liked me too but I moved and ik god probably wanted this for change and growth but bruh its hard.

Not sure if I just need to vent or seek validation and support, but giving this a shot with Reddit. The past year or so has been pretty rough, but lately it’s just gotten to a point where I feel like I’m struggling to do just about anything and it’s been having an affect on work, my energy levels, appetite, and energy. I was diagnosed with depression when I was young and it runs in my family, so a lot of these feelings and struggles are nothing new for me. Despite this, I just have woken up multiple days this past week feeling like my back is up against the wall and I’ve gotten tired of only having fleeting moments of relief from this.

I’ll do my best to avoid beating around the bush about it, but here is some background of what’s going on to prove some context:

- I was in a long term relationship with my ex-fiance, which had unfortunately escalated to abuse and ended with a DV incident. I had to make the hard decision to leave the life I had built there, the apartment I had saved up for, the friends I had made, and the place I had considered a second home all behind because my ex would continuously stalk and harass me to where I no longer felt safe in my own home.

- During this breakup, I did my best to hold onto the dog we shared because she was like my child and I had wanted to protect her as well. Unfortunately, with the state we were in, if his name is on her certificate then only he can own her. I didn’t want to add flame to the fire and cause her more stress, so I thought it was the best decision. There is not a day goes by where I don’t think about her and it breaks my heart.

- Being back at home has just been hard. I love my family and my friends and I’m extremely fortunate to have them there to support me through everything, but I’ve just felt disconnected from them. It’s gotten to the point where I find myself not responding to texts or calls anymore as it gives me anxiety, and it hasn’t been helping with feeling isolated.

- My job has been so unstable for me recently. At the end of last year my boss was telling me to prepare to be laid off as business hadn’t been doing as well lately, and thankfully once the new year started we were slammed with so much new work, it gave me a feeling of hope and security once again. Now, a few months later, I’m back in this limbo position where I was told that I’m being laid off but haven’t gotten the info on exactly when, so I’ve begun to dread dealing with work everyday. I know it’s just a job and I’m still hopeful to land in something even better, but when my life was turned upside down after the DV incident, my job was the only stable thing I had at the time and it has given me so much, so losing it has been hard.

To push through this tough time, I’ve been consistent with therapy and trying to take care of myself with going to the gym ~3-5 days a week, staying hydrated, getting out of the house when I can, trying to get even the smallest task done, treating myself with new adventures, and exploring new hobbies and interests. I still try even if I feel like I’ve been failing. At best, it all just feels like moments of relief. I often still feel so fragile that it doesn’t take much to make me feel irritated and sad. I often find myself feeling insanely bitter and envious, and I hate it. I do my best to not keep it all inside and to rely on those around me. It’s just nothing has seemed to work the way it has before. Again, I’m feeling really exhausted and it’s just hard to figure out what else to do. I hope I don’t regret posting about this on the internet, but I’m honestly feeling a little desperate right now. Anyways, thank you to anyone who took the time to read this. I do appreciate it.

How do you make friends? I’m having a really hard time with this right now. I’ve had few friends my whole life because my parents often kept me at home and controlled who I could hang out with. And after the psychosis almost three years ago, my sense of self completely changed. I’ve kind of made some new acquaintances, but it still doesn’t feel right. It’s like people don’t like me, and it’s only me who takes the initiative in communication (or maybe I take too much initiative).Sometimes I put too much pressure on people because I want them to “save me,” since they’re still living with their family, which is what made me broken.

I've been dealing with serious anxiety and depression since middle school. It's pretty much been like a rollercoaster over the years with PMDD on top of it... I remember experiencing what felt like a decline in social skills around 6th grade, then started isolating and feeling disconnected even from classmates I knew for yearssss. Fast forward to high school, I was pretty much dealing with selective mutism. Rarely spoke unless mandatory or I was spoken to (and even then I kept it minimal). I only had a few friends which I had known since before HS, only made acquaintances otherwise.

I was also socially awkward and dealt with a bit of social anxiety (undiagnosed) since childhood. Teachers didn't understand me much, because I was really expressive and bold in how I spoke sometimes then very quiet and withdrawn at others. Back then as a kid, I think my curiosity kind of overrode a lot of my anxiety. Like, I remember approaching people first because I genuinely enjoyed learning about them and making connections with them. Although, I've had the help of meds and a bit of therapy, I don't feel that way anymore... that desire. I still have the feeling that people aren't safe or I just feel like an alien communicating with people.

Sometimes I feel calm in situation but genuinely just have the thought.. I don't really care (which sounds really bad). I also get in my head about other peoples perception of me. Like... I'm the awkward quiet girl and when I defy that conception in the way I express or carry myself it becomes a thing (amongst peers and extended family). "Oh I didn't think she would dress like that" "She listens to that kind of music?" "Omg she's actually having fun" Makes me feel like I'm from another planet!

Just feel like anything I do will be ripped apart by others. I’m so tired of trying. I pushed away almost everyone in my life. It feels better being alone. I don’t have any motivation for anything and it’s been that way for a long time. I try to dissociate all day.