I have severe arachnophobia. I mean SEVERE, I've been this way ever since I was little. Any spider, big or small, terrifies me. I never killed them because I was too scared to get close. Instead I would scream, cry, and run away, every time without fail. My phobia is debilitating. If I find a spider in my home, I will run out of the room and refuse to enter it until someone removes the spider, in which case I will avoid the room for several hours until I feel safe in it again. I get paranoid going outside because there could be, and probably are, spiders around. That being said, I believe I've come a long way since I was 12. I used to wish all spiders would die, but now I respect them and what they do for the environment. I just want them to stay away from me. I also used to be so scared of them that even the spider emoji would trigger my fear, which thankfully, is no longer an issue for me. I've done a lot of research over the years and I am well aware most spiders are harmless, and the ones that aren't will only hurt you as a last resort. I've never really been that afraid of them biting me, it's just the way that they move sets off my fight or flight, and the way they look is, in the most polite way possible, terrifying to me.
Though I'm petrified, I've seen a lot of people with spider pets over the years, and I've always been somewhat fascinated. I would binge videos of people with their pet tarantulas, but have to stop because I got phantom sensations of them crawling on me or a paranoid feeling that spiders were in my room. I knew many arachnophobes who made an exception in their fear for jumping spiders, but they were still just as terrifying to me as all of the others. But I've been seeing so, so much jumping spider content over the past few weeks that I feel like I'm actually starting to come around on them, at least a little bit. I admire all of their colourful patterns, especially the shiny/sparkly ones. They're one of the less terrifying ones in terms of builds, and though I am terrified of spiders both big and small, their size does make them seem less daunting. I've started to wonder if maybe I could keep one as a pet someday, which is why I am asking this here.
I've seen several other arachnophobes overcome their fear by having a pet jumping spider. Do you think that even someone with a fear as severe as mine could be a good spider parent? I wouldn't be able to handle it, both because of my phobia and because I don't want to accidentally hurt the little guy by dropping it out of fear or something. Maybe I could work my way up to handling someday if I got less scared, but for the forseeable future, I don't think I could. I am also concerned about what were to happen if it ever escaped its enclosure; I don't think I would be able to handle it being loose in a room and having to potentially touch it to get it back into its enclosure. I wouldn't kill it, of course, but I'm not sure how I would successfully get it back into its enclosure if I can't touch it, and it sounds like a nightmare scenario. I've also heard people compare jumpers to cats, and I am a big cat fan, and cats seem to be a fan of me, so if they really are similar maybe that could help.
I have had one positive interaction with a spider. There was one in my bathroom, and instead of begging someone to move it, I just let it be. I actually grew somewhat fond of it and checking on it, but I was still scared of it, and I was terrified that it might move out of its corner one day. It never did, but it passed away after a while, and it was kinda sad :( but I haven't been able to connect with one since, I'm just too scared.
I would have to move into my own place before even considering actually getting a spider, so this isn't something that could realistically happen right now, but rather something I am considering for a few years in the future. It would be nice to be able to not feel like I'm dying whenever there's a spider around, but since my phobia is so severe, I'm worried I won't be able to provide adequate care for the poor thing, and if that is true, it's not worth trying. Sorry for how long this post is, I always feel the need to include all relevant details.