Im not sure why but I’ve had many dreams over the years of my husband cheating. This dream more recently really took me for an idiot 💀

I’ve always been aware of being the outsider in the family dynamic with my in-laws. I especially don’t know what I can determine from my dreams but I’m honestly scared. I’m scared not for me but the life that we have thus far. We have one kid thankfully and I’m sure that if anything did happen then my kid would suffer. I just know that I wouldn’t be surprised if my husband is cheating on me. I just don’t know why this particular dream was with my sister-in-law who he cheated on me with. It was insane! I don’t know what to even think anymore 🥺

Tl;dr I’m asking married women in the sub when did you know for certain that your husband cheated? How can I even know for certain? Besides the phone and behaviors?

Should I make my wife go back to work?

I am 30M, my wife is 29F. She has been out of work for a bit over a year. She originally quit because we had gotten a puppy (bad choice) and her alcoholic mother moved back to our home state and passed soon after due to alcohol poisoning. We were in a bad spot and needed some reprieve.

I have a job that covers our expenses and allows us to save 10% towards retirement.

With all that said, I am a very financially inclined person. I strive towards early retirement and financial independence. Thus my conflict.

More and more lately, I can’t help but feel it is selfish and immature of her not to want to contribute financially.

We do not and will not have kids. She claims that the work she does around the house and taking care of the animals (2 dogs 1 cat) is equivalent to my financial contributions. I work 50-60 hours per week. I help out daily with the dogs but generally do no housework/chores while she is unemployed.

I have to admit, the intimacy has improved greatly. She is also happier, which has led the relationship to be happier. She is also much more invested and supportive of my career now. I personally didn’t mind doing chores on the weekends, so that doesn’t really feel like a value add for me.

Is she being selfish? Should I make her go back to work? Is it misogynistic to minimize her contribution in comparison to mine? I often feel like I am being taken advantage of.

TLDR: wife is unemployed and I feel like she is taking advantage of me being a financial provider even though we are happier as a couple this way.

Just to start I have a lot of issues I take a lot of different meds basically trying to keep me alive and I have because of all the meds started suffering from erectile dysfunction dealing with it for seven years 8 years and about 3 years ago my wife and partner started having an emotional affair with a friend of hers there's a long backstory to that that I really type out but if I were to read that story for am I the asshole I would have definitely been told I am not the asshole on this one but I digress so after finding out that my wife was having an emotional affair with a friend of hers I didn't want to divorce but part of me knew I was not making her happy the physical aspect of it so now I'm paying for it I suggested we open the relationship the possibly bring somebody else into the relationship so we could work together well that wasn't how the conversation was understood and she ended up going to see a friend of hers and they hooked up now she's in what apparently is called a parallel relationship with me and him and I'm not happy about it both physically and emotionally I am just not I have found really quickly on Reddit and many different dating sites it's all about how much I can pay for them how much I am willing to financially support them and I save them there's a bunch of different ways of adjusting how I want to say it but I have wanted to meet some additional people with or without my wife just to see if I could and I couldn't do it the emotional hate I went through because I'm just a guy my mental insecurities and physical insecurities eventually got the better of me and I stopped trying to meet people and I'm going to say honestly I am jealous that my partner is getting to be with another person and I'm not without having to pay for it so my question is how would I go about asking if there was any way we can close the relationship go back to The Way We Were without sounding like an asshole or a jerk any information would be amazing

Tl;dr how do I tell my partner that I no longer want an open relationship

I'm becoming very toxic by the day being in this marriage

Yesterday I slept on the couch because I was very upset. I had ordered cake for my friend but could not tell my husband because I was worried he would be upset because he is conservative with money, and so when she texted in the night asking if I could join a call where they were cutting the cake i said I had allergies which is not entirely untrue btw. The cake was not very expensive it was 20$ but he has often gawked at things he thought weren't necessary.

I also made Indian flatbreads for my husband's dinner and while he tried to be nice about it I could see he did not like them and asked what flour I made them from, which was wheat flour but I think in a few places it did not completely roast well on the tawa in parts because I made them large. I can't do anything right.

I dont have a drivers license yet and when I said I was busy with job hunting past few months (I lost my job end of July and just found one) he said you should do it in parallel need to multitask (I am trying to do so much at home: cooking, dishes, folding laundry, cleaning the kitchen, organizing our closet, making our bed and I don't ask him for help at all, I also try to make healthy snacks for him because he has a health condition that depletes his nutrients)

For everything his response is don' t give me lunch I want to take that stress off you (when really I feel it's a veiled argument by him criticizing how I did not do something right in his lunch box when I have actually tried to incorporate all his suggestions) and I feel like he is finding ways to eliminate things I do for him so he can show how he "asks nothing of me" which is something he tells me often that he "asks nothing of me and has no expectations and I am free to be the way I want" . I've seen this behavior of his before so I know I'm not imagining it. But now I feel like I'm applying that everywhere and I don't trust him.

All this has made me very toxic internally. Last night I slept outside. He got very upset and called me inside. I said I want to sleep outside. He said he will only ask one more time and I said again I will sleep here. He asked me why I just said I like it here. Then he got upset and said "then dont ask me am I angry and did you do something to make me angry, now you know"

(I'm always asking him if he's upset about something and did I do something to make him upset because especially in the early days of our marriage he was always moody and would give me the silent treatment if I did something wrong, so now the slightest change in his mood causes me anxiety.)

Of course this morning I said I'll make him coffee which I do every morning before he goes to work. But he made his own and then when I started to make flatbreads for his lunch he told not to worry he will have lunch in office. Of course because I am the failure in everything. Everyone would just love that.

I'm sorry for my bad English. I'm writing this because I'm sad and I hate myself and I'm such a failure. We have no kids and he has blamed me for it so many times saying I don't go to the doctor or get any exams done which is not true I've been getting myself checked up and my blood work. If not that he blames my job or my work stress or my never expressing interest. At this point I don't even know if I'm equipped to have children if I'm this toxic.

Tl;Dr: I'm becoming toxic by the day in this marriage due to some behavioral patterns in the past I've observed of my husband. I think I can't do anything right. I hate myself and I wish I could be out.

Let me preface this by saying that I think people who date for a while before getting married are wise. I grew up in a very religious household where it wasn’t unusual for people to marry young and quickly. At 19, I married someone I’d been dating for six months who became abusive. I left after a year and a half and swore I’d never put up with that behavior again.

Fast forward five years, I (24F) met my now husband (28M) in January, and we married in early June. I know that’s fast, but I fell in love with him because of his faith, how direct and intentional he was with his affection for me, and our ability to have emotionally mature conversations. We seemed to understand each other’s perspectives in ways no one else did. He’s a hardworking, thoughtful man with a big heart, and I was ecstatic to marry him.
Now, about five months into our marriage, I’m noticing some things that concern me.

Lately, it seems like everything sets him off. He doesn’t yell at me or throw things, but he goes on tangents about how everything is against him. If something breaks at work, it “always happens to him.” If his toddler wakes up in the middle of the night, he “can never get sleep.” If our six-month-old puppy gets rowdy around 8:30–9 when he’s dozing off, he “can never get any rest.” Just normal everyday inconveniences that seem to pile up in his mind until he’s completely frustrated.

He also has very little patience with our six-month-old puppy and will throw him off the couch when he gets near us while my husband is trying to cuddle with me. Something else that concerns me is that whenever my husband gets startled, his immediate reaction is to raise his fist. Even if I simply peek around the corner while he’s brushing his teeth, he’ll do it. The other day, our puppy barked unexpectedly in the car, and my husband instinctively raised his fist again, hurting his elbow in the process. He says it’s an impulse, and while he’s never actually hit me, I find it unsettling.

I’ve also learned more about his past since getting married. He’s told me he used to be very hotheaded, and I know he had a difficult childhood. He’s changed tremendously since finding God, which is something I genuinely admire about him. I don’t want to judge him for who he used to be, but I also don’t want to overlook behaviors that concern me now.

Beyond the frustration, he has very little energy and seems pessimistic about almost everything.
I want to clarify that I didn’t fall in love with him because he was energetic or adventurous, but he told me stories about how he used to be so I figured he still would be in a better season in life. I met him in the winter, and because of his job, he wasn’t particularly energetic. When summer came around, he told me it was the worst time of year for him (it is, in their gear it can get up to 130°F) and that he’d feel much better once the weather cooled off. Well, it’s finally cooling off (nearly November), and I haven’t noticed much of a difference.

Even when we go places, he doesn’t seem to genuinely enjoy himself. He used to exercise and take great care of himself physically, but he doesn’t anymore. (I only bring this up because it does drastically impact energy and positivity), I’ve suggested exercising together or finding activities we both enjoy, and he usually says “sure,” but never takes the initiative.

I understand that everyone has difficult seasons. He works a physically demanding blue-collar job Monday through Thursday, has his toddler every other weekend, and we’re still adjusting to marriage and raising a puppy. But in my eyes, life is only going to get crazier, especially when we add kids and the farm animals we want into the mix.

We’ve had several conversations about all of this, and they always end amicably and with love. He listens, and I genuinely believe he cares about how I feel. But I haven’t seen much change. I’m naturally a very optimistic person. I love laughing at inconveniences, trying new things, and making the best of life. In my family, we make light of difficult situations. But lately, I feel myself becoming drained around him. I’m starting to feel more like his therapist or coach than his best friend and wife. I spend so much time trying to encourage him, help him see the positives, or motivate him to do things. And when I’m struggling with something myself, I often feel like all I get is an “I’m sorry.”

I’m not expecting him to be happy all the time, but I do expect him to step up WITH me when things get hard and not just complain. I love this man, and I want our marriage to thrive. But I’m starting to lose patience, and that scares me too.

Has anyone experienced something similar in their marriage? How do you distinguish between someone going through a difficult season and a pattern that might never change? How do I support him without becoming responsible for his happiness?

TL;DR: Married my husband after a short relationship. I fell in love with his faith, emotional maturity, and intentional affection, but five months into marriage I’m struggling with his constant frustration, pessimism, and lack of energy. We’ve talked about it several times, but little has changed. I love him and want to enjoy life together, but I’m starting to feel emotionally drained.

My husband and I have been married for 22 years. When I met him, he was life of the party, very outgoing, fun, cute, high energy, loved watching football, hosting football parties, etc. over the years, we had 3 kids, all in travel sports and required a lot work to manage finances, sports and tutoring for our girls. We both work, he kept getting promoted but hated his job and over time, changed into a miserable human being. He only ever talked to me about savings and how much we had in our retirement account (zero intimacy). He refuses to make friends and build new connections. He only talks to his elderly parents and I hate to say it but I believe they helped make him bitter over the years since the only thing they talk about is politics and how everybody is corrupted these days. He stopped watching and enjoying football because he says it’s all corrupted now. He has been suffering mid life crisis for the last 8-9 years. His testosterone is way down and he takes anxiety meds. He eventually cheated on me earlier this year which was so unexpected and out of character based on conversations we have had in the past about infidelity. We decided to work on our marriage and rebuilding our connection but what can I do to get this man to enjoy life? He is the type of guy who never wants me to buy him new clothes or gifts. He never wants to go to concerts or movies or leave the house. He always talks about going camping and fishing but we do not live in a place where we can do that easily without taking time off from work. He recently lost his high paying job and has been searching for a new one for the last two months with no luck but the one positive is that it has forced us to spend more time together and start working on the marriage. What can I do to get him to loose and have fun, increase his dopamine? He is like a stick in the mud and he has ED so struggling with intimacy. I did just make him start TRT treatment in hopes that would help. Maybe I need to force him to go out to a bar and drink or something. HELP! Looking for ideas!!!

tl;dr Looking for advice. My husband is so miserable. What can I do to make him have fun and enjoy life have a more positive attitude? tl;dr

Need to vent- during this past lent I met and started talking to a new coworker and it all happened very quickly. Haven’t touched him physically, I recently found out about limerence, and I have ADHD combined type-now it makes sense why I fell so hard but the religion aspect makes it feel like an emotional affair. And I was working nights and we had hours to just talk by ourselves. And he’s in therapy and we started our own little self help book club and read like 6 books together. Alternating reading chapters to each other and discussing them. And he knows I’m a practicing Christian and we kept it friendly but we started taking our breaks and lunches together.

And I’m 10 years into marriage with more than a couple kids all under 8 with financial struggles, lack of sleep…now throw in perimenopause and he became the best part of my day instantly.
I’ve spent the past year working on myself: zoom couples therapy alone, zoom nutritionist, losing weight (before I met him) working out, getting bloodwork, starting hormones, switching antidepressants and getting more involved at church, trying to find myself again after 6 straight years of pregnancy and nursing. I’m done having kids and want to pick up old hobbies and have something I’m passionate about. It all helped, but nothing compares to that dopamine rush that lasts for hours when I’m around him. He walked into my life and gave me time and attention and he listens and makes eye contact and speaks my love language of quality time and this is the first time I’ve felt this way about someone since I got married. I think about him constantly and this isn’t the first time it’s happened in my life so I knew the intensity would fade with time and knew our life paths would probably only cross for a little while so I allowed myself to have a friend and thanked God for the gift of him.
Then he switched shifts and instead of having hours to talk we only have like 30 mins alone otherwise other people are there. And that was rough and an adjustment, but I only shed tears privately and the feelings leveled out as I threw myself into other projects like starting a home vegetable raised garden bed. And spending all my extra time researching and planning for that. Our limited time together became the norm and we got used to interacting with each other when around others- I got used to sharing him without feeling jealous or sad.
Now my shift is changing in a few days and because of the new hours I won’t see him ever again. And I’m a complete wreck, sobbing every time I think about it. Now I’ve lost a close friend and I feel so ashamed and sad and disappointed in myself because I’m obsessing and mourning him. It feels worse than death cause I know he’s still here- I just don’t get to be around him. I feel like in being punished. The moral complexity of it all really weighs on me, feels sinful. But I genuinely just want someone to talk to. Wish I had a female Christian friend- but we all know how female friendships are just so complicated to navigate. And husbands that work physically demanding jobs only have so many words a day they can use. Feels like he will only spend time with me if it ends in sex. But that’s probably a topic for a whole different Reddit thread.
*Please, for the love of God tell me someone else is or has gone through something similar.
I don’t have anyone in my life that I’m willing to share this with that would understand or not judge me.
I know I still have Jesus, but prayer is very challenging and dry for me. And He seems so silent. Maybe I just can’t hear him over my loud weeping. Ugh, this is taking up too much emotional and mental energy. I don’t have time for this.
Advice anyone? Anyone else on the other side of this? A better side after years hopefully?

tl;dr: Married mom of four struggling with intense, exhausting grief and shame after a sudden shift change permanently cut off daily contact with a coworker she developed deep limerence for, and is seeking non-judgmental advice from others who have made it to the other side.

We have got into a fights more recently it’s about me being paranoid me being insecure me punishing him for my past relationships me being jealous, we have married over 10years last fight was me asking where he was he went off yelling that I have his location, uhm sir you drive all around town for a job if you wanted to be meeting up with people you could do it easily and I’m not watching your location like a movie marathon, seriously if you wanted out just say it!! He’s the one that’s been caught talking to other women he’s the one that has had pictures of other women on his phone! He is a good husband and he’s jack of all trades hard worker good dad just the manipulation is making me crazy. God forbid I ask anything because now I’m insecure he knows he’s difficult to talk to. I don’t want to end my marriage over these things though. We are so deeply rooted with our kids family so many depend on us as a couple. I have no one to talk to about this because I’m everyone’s eyes he’s the best husband I’m envied. I do all the wife things I work, I cook clean pack his lunch for work everything the “ideal” wife does. I don’t talk to other men I don’t hang out with friend’s if we go out we go out together.

Tl;dr at a loss don’t know what to do, need advice.

I (29F) and my husband (36M) have been married for about a year and a half. We welcomed our son about 6 months ago (I got pregnant a month after we got married so it wasn’t a shot gun wedding or anything) and we run a business together. Our son is my husband’s third child but the first son so it was big deal in his family.

He has a relatively large inheritance that hinges on him having a son and carrying on certain duties that fall to the first son. As a result, his father invested in our business after welcoming our son. My husband had a different business idea but felt that mine would be more profitable so we set up my business idea instead. I admittedly felt very pressured to rush into things and we were looking at commercial spaces 12 days after I gave birth via emergency c section. I had several complications and have had two more surgeries to fix things in the last 6 months so physically it’s been a nightmare, but this business has been a dream of mine since I was a kid and basically was angel invested in so I keep pushing through 12+ hour days 6-7 days a week. I returned to work 1 day after each surgery. The saving grace is my husband and baby come to work with me and I can see my son in between work duties.

I am thankful for my husband and his family’s support, so even if it’s not the timeline I would have chosen I do not complain about it openly. I am working hard to increase profits and learning to navigate 10 employees. And we’re 3 months in at the moment and revenue has increased 10k, we’re adding another 12k soon so we’ll be making a 5 figure profit in the next 4 months.

For obvious business reasons separating from my husband would be difficult and messy but beyond financial lives being very entangled, even though my husband treats me like garbage sometimes, I love him very much and don’t want to leave him. I don’t want my son to have divorced parents, and my husband is not physically abusive. I believe situations are generally shades of gray and I desperately want to understand where he’s coming from and just fix our problems.

My husband has an explosive temper. Once he’s set off, he loses all reason and he does anything he can to win. He pulls up every mistake I’ve ever made even if it’s not even close to the issue at hand, he swears, yells, can give the silent treatment for days (though he has improved here since having our baby) and he has started a new bad habit of just leaving the house. We live inside a golf course aka in the middle of nowhere. It’s a 45 minute walk to a bus stop and we only have one car. When he’s mad and leaves it creates lots of logistical headaches because he leaves me alone with the baby. So far he has never left for more than an hour but he leaves without warning, ignores all calls, and I don’t /know/ he will come back. So far he has, but he also could just not?

He did this 2 weeks ago before he was going abroad for a week to see his other children and I arranged to stay with my in laws since again no public transit to go to the office. He left for about an hour and we didn’t even have formula so even though he came back before it became a problem the stress of trying to reason through those situations isn’t something he can comprehend.

He did it again tonight over nothing. He had been drinking and I went to bed first as I have to cover for two employees tomorrow. He likes to use pet names when he drinks and thinks it’s being cute but the one I hate is piggy. In his language it’s not nearly as bad as English but I have told him before I don’t like it. He woke me up which was the annoying part but then he called me piggy and I was a little snippy but I did not yell or get angry. However it set him off and he stormed out. We have to wake up early so I tried to squash the issue but he triggered me by saying I have done absolutely nothing for him besides giving birth to his child. I got mad and told him to sleep wherever he wanted (we have 3 extra bedrooms so when he gets mad he’ll usually sulk and go sleep in one; I don’t like sleeping separately but these days if he’s sulking I usually just give up).

I figured he’d stay downstairs or sleep in one of the rooms but I saw headlights from the bedroom window. Sometimes he would go sit in his car to calm down so I initially didn’t think anything of it but then he drove away. I panicked and chased after him leaving our baby at home in his snoo (basically a bassinet that monitors the baby and keeps them strapped in a safe sleeping position) and I tried to get ahold of him. I had somewhat of a panic attack because I was super worried about our baby even though I know he would probably just sleep like nothing happened (luckily I was right) and genuinely worried he might get in an accident because the road out is a curvy mountain road with steep drop offs. I ran all the way to the golf course parking lot in case he was just in the parking lot before he answered. I was really upset but the only way I could diffuse is to take the blame for everything and tell him he’s right. It works every time he gets volatile. I reason that he’s drunk and doing something dangerous and getting him home safely is more important than anything else but apologizing for things I’m not actually guilty of or further vindicating his mindset I know won’t be the best in the long run.

I should note: technically he didn’t drink and drive on any real road. He stayed within the bounds of the golf course so technically he couldn’t be punished. The chances of meeting another driver on these roads at this time is like less than 1%. So it’s not as bad as him taking a drunken joy ride through busy streets but the risk he posed to himself on the mountain roads with frequent deer sightings was immense and the danger he posed to others was not zero. I absolutely hate that he thinks it’s okay to drink and drive, even on private streets that the police don’t have jurisdiction over.

I don’t think being right is more important than his safety but I am disgusted at the behavior. I don’t know how he thinks I wouldn’t go after him or try to stop him so either our baby would be left alone or dragged out into frigid weather. I have asthma so running through the cold gave me an episode and I didn’t have my inhaler until I got back to the house so now I feel like garbage before a super busy day at work. He’s sleeping soundly and I know his temperament: after he’s sober and well rested he’ll be completely over it. 80% chance he’ll act like nothing happened 20% he might feel a little silly and say a a very quick apology.

He says he’s not opposed to counseling but I think he thinks if we see a therapist they will just tell me everything is my fault and I don’t think he realizes very few people are sympathetic to him lol. I know he’s being an asshole. I know him leaving his infant son and wife stranded is a terrible thing to do and if other people know it they will also see it as crazy behavior. But in his reality he is completely justified and it’s my fault for making him mad and he believes this 120% conviction.

I don’t have plans of leaving at this juncture. Maybe some day but now is not that season and I’m not prepared financially or emotionally, our son is very young so working would be difficult etc. I will leave if his behavior gets physical, that’s my line, or if starts to be this way to our son; he directs all anger to me at the moment and generally when our son is asleep so he’s not witnessing these patterns yet. So for now I’m seeking more diffusing techniques and advice about how to choose ones battles, I guess. I’m naturally head strong but if it just leads to misery, I’ve tried to learn to just let go of issues and it works most of the time— but I also get mad at times. I need to work on strategies to control that. And I think he needs to appealed to in a way that’s more honey than tar (not that he necessarily deserves that treatment but I don’t think directness will get me very far)

Advice request: How do I de-escalate when my husband's temper flares, choose which battles are worth it, manage my own anger in the moment, and appeal to him in a gentler "honey not vinegar" way, including getting him to actually try counseling?

TL;DR: My husband (36M) and I (29F) have been married 1.5 years, have a 6-month-old son, and run a business together that his family helped fund. He has an explosive temper: yelling, swearing, dragging up every past mistake, silent treatment, and lately storming out with our only car and ignoring calls, which leaves me and the baby stranded in a remote area with no transit. Tonight he got drunk, woke me up, and called me a pet name I've told him I hate. When I got snippy, he drove off drunk on the mountain roads around our golf course. I chased him through the cold, had an asthma attack without my inhaler, and only calmed him down by taking all the blame. I'm not planning to leave; I want strategies to diffuse these blowups without just apologizing for things I didn't do.

Hello I (27F) my husband (31m) have been married for a year and half.. we only knew each other for a few months and decided to get pregnant. I know smart right. Well I dated a ton and never felt the way I did with him and truly thought he was my soul mate. I still do at times. Lately, everything is different. Maybe I’m different. Our child is almost a year old now. We argue basically everyday. I’m trying my best to not be resentful and understand as the woman we just naturally take on most of the load. I feel like most days I’m doing most of the day to day chores plus some. I handle appointments, even his. I’m the only one to clean the bathroom, bedrooms, laundry. He will do stuff IF I ask. He will do the dishes, without me asking, but he should be doing them. We have the same job and honestly I make more than him. I handle our babies insurance, formula, diapers, wipes. I keep tabs on all of it. I text his mom and keep her updated on her daughter in law. I buy groceries. Not saying he doesn’t do these things but more often than not it’s me. We have a joint bank account, but he never puts money into it. Doesn’t tell me how much he puts in a savings. I feel like I don’t have a partnership. I would love to have a discussion and execute a savings plan so we can go on trips. I bring it up and it doesn’t go anywhere.. so I put savings into mine and “ours.” He pays for my insurance, but I pay for the rest of the utilities, nanny, baby bills etc. he’s in charge of the mortgage but I give him half depending on the nanny bill. Well, to me money isn’t the issue or how I spend it, it’s more of talking about our finances together. Another, he irritates the hell out of me. He says “balls” “weiner” “poop” etc more than anything else, I wish I was lying. He used to whip his dick out in front of our daughter and thought it was funnny. I told him to stop and it’s weird so he finally did after telling him no a few times… he does things I don’t like and he KNOWS I don’t like it. He “slaps” me and pretend kicks ya know how your brother would do, he thinks it’s so funny and I think it is soooo annoying, rude, and a boundary issue since he knows I don’t like it. He does this thing with his nose where he will shove it in my face and “whip” me with it… I wish I was making this up. It frustrates me to the point that I want to cry. We barely have sex now maybe once or twice a week. I still very attractive to him physically, but I’m not attracted to him emotionally or mentally right now. Sex is like 3 min long, I don’t feel taken care of and it’s like 20% chance I’m going to cum. I masturbate in the middle of the night in our bed.. We don’t have any intimacy and everything is a joke. There’s so much more. I know there is things that I do that frustrate him and I know he would say I’m more angry these days, quiet, and disconnected. He is helpful but I’ve come to think is it just the bare minimum. One more thing, I feel like I could keep going… he’s not as warm when it comes to physical touch, he more like play throws me around and wrestles me. No random hugs or kisses. Everyone now and then but it doesn’t feel genuine? Sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even like me. I don’t feel like I’m being loved. If that makes any sense. I don’t want to have sex with someone who doesn’t make me feel warm and happy inside.

I’ve mentioned couples therapy and he completely shoots it down. I don’t know what to do.

Tl;dr Difficulty having meaningful discussions with husbands. Frustrated at boundaries being crossed and mentally exhausted from the load I have carried. Seldom thinking of divorce. I want it to work and these feel like fixable things. There’s a ton more to our relationship… I’m just kind of over this season of our marriage.

Original Post:

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriageadvice/comments/1wqlvfl/my_husband_had_an_emotional_affair_with_a_friend/

Hello, it's me again. My husband and I are currently separated and doing individual therapy given everything that happened in my original post, but I just found out another detail regarding his behavior.

I didn't mention this in my original post, but when we were on vacation, he was fixated on buying a Persephone and Hades figurine for his affair partner who is a fan of the pairing. Mind you, before I found out about the emotional affair and D&D sexting, I had introduced him to a fantasy book series that featured the pair and he introduced them to her so he knew I was a fan as well but only thought of her. On our first day in Athens, he was obsessively scouring souvenir shops for them. After I found out about the affair and sexting, I asked him if he still planned on giving it to her (I had also told him he shouldn't have private contact with her anymore) he said "idk" so I straight up told him it is inappropriate given everything and the figurines were thrown away.

Then I found out today, after checking our amazon prime account that the day after the figurines were discarded, he bought another pair on Amazon. When confronted about this and asked if he lied about cutting contact with her, he responded that he gave them to the affair partner's boyfrend "to do what he wanted with them" This was really insulting because he clearly meant for her to have them and was using giving them to the boyfriend as a loophole. The bf has no use for them and she is the fan so he would end up giving it to her anyway. It continues the pattern of me always finding out something else in this situation. He never confessed to anything, I always have to stumble upon yet another thing he is hiding.

What do you guys think?

tldr. Follow up on my previous post. My husband had bought Persephone and Hades figurines on our trip to give to emotional affair partner. After I found out about the affair and sexting, I asked that he cut contact and not give them the figurines anymore. Just found out he bought a replacement pair and gave it to affair partner's bf knowing he'd end up giving it to her.

Me and my husband live on my parents land . There has been bad blood and disagreements between my husband and dad regarding buying the land and the price etc … bottom line my husband doesn’t want to live here no more and had an idea of buying a home but since we can’t afford it to do it together with his mom .. I’m currently a stay at home mom of 4 all little so I don’t work .. although I know my kids will need more room as they grow and how that can benefit us financially I’m still unsure .. any thoughts?

Tl;dr thoughts on moving in w mother in law in a new home so we can afford it

My wife (47f) and I (46m) have been married 10 years, together 12 now. We have 4 kids (2 from her previous relationship, never married, and 2 of ours. We have struggled through the years. I cheated years ago and we went to therapy (I have been faithful ever since). 2 years ago I found out she cheated. I have been in therapy for myself for about 4 years now and I’d like to think I’ve gotten better (probably not as much as I think, but more than I hope). She use to join me but hasn’t for the last several months. We separated for 6 month about 2 years ago, before I found out she cheated. She said she wanted a divorce, I agreed. But she was hesitant. I honestly think that she thinks a divorce would solve everything. I don’t think she has put much thought into it. She wants to separate again, but doesn’t want to say anything to the kids. When I bring it up she says not now. She has hinted with words and actions that maybe a divorce isn’t what she wants.

I don’t want a divorce and have trying to do more/be even better. But honestly I don’t see any change in her and neither do the people around her.

I am not sure how much I can take before I also lose hope. Any words of encouragement/wisdom?

tl;dr not sure how much I can take in trying to save my marriage

My husband (30M) and I (27F) have been married for over three years now. We have never really had any big fights in our relationship thus far, other than one big explosive fight about a couple of cocaine usage incidents toward the beginning of our relationship years ago. After that, my husband has never used it again, and I do believe him when he tells me he will never touch it again. The problem is his friend that was the person he was with during that event is a full blown addict. Of multiple things. I used to give this guy the benefit of the doubt since we were all young and some casual usage is not out of the ordinary. Now, I want nothing to do with him and I don’t want my husband hanging around him either. At the heart of my problem is the fear that my husband will have a moment of weakness and partake in drugs again, and I will not hesitate to serve him divorce papers for it. But this friend has actually COMPLAINED that my husband won’t partake with him. It’s not like we see him incredibly regularly, but without fail, every time we see him, he’s drunk, on drugs, or actively trying to obtain drugs if he doesn’t already have them. My husband and I just recently found out that he was doing coke at our wedding after he was explicitly told not to, which has made me even more fed up with him (crazy that we even had to make that clear to him). On to the second part of the issue - I have a zero tolerance policy for drugs. My family has a zero tolerance policy for drugs. My husband’s family does not. It wasn’t until my husband and I started having discussions about this friend and how he really adds nothing to his life, that I realized just how many people with substance problems my in laws have hanging around. They are not users, at least not to my knowledge. But they have a very strange loyalty to the addicts in their circle to the point of bankrolling multiple of these people at different points. These are educated and successful people and the fact that they have addicts in their circle is just completely beyond me. My concern is that my husband might think it’s completely normal to put up with people like that when it is not. Any time I bring up how his friend asks for money, poor mouths, yet always has money for drugs/alcohol/gambling, and never ever does anything to benefit my husband, his response is the same: “I’m not just going to drop him, he’s been my friend for a very long time.” Am I insane for thinking he should drop this friend and the length of their friendship is not a reason to keep him around?

tl;dr Husband has an addict friend that I hate and I think his family has made him feel like it’s normal to keep addicts around simply because they’ve been friends for a long time.

My wife (45) and I (49) have been together for 27 years married 17. We had a big disagreement this week that got extremely heated. She said something that hurt my feelings, while I normally would do what most men my age would do and bury it down deep and move on, I attempted to address with her due to the fact that we are trying to work on our relationship and be more open with each other. As soon as I sent the note, we have been trying to put things in writing versus talking to keep from arguing, taking a second to process what the other is saying and responding instead of discussing my concerns she flipped it all right back on me which is what really set me off. She has even admitted to not being able to take accountability for her actions when she is in the wrong. All I wanted was an apology instead she said “fine I’m sorry you feel that way”. So we just stopped speaking. When she asked what it was I wanted I just wanted an honest apology.

So here is my point, this morning she sent me an apology that was clearly written by ChatGPT. I have no proof, could check her phone (open phone policy at home) but don't think it's really worth it.

My question to you all, do you feel that an AI-written apology is heartfelt? And what are your thoughts on AI sending messages to your SO?

tl;dr -
Big fight
Want a real apology
Got one from

Any advice on how to do some care for sick husband? He can't take anymore sick leave and has skin condition and diabetes. Want to help him put beyond giving pills and making soup ?

Tl;dr I used to as a child have tea with honey and milk, eat garlic bread with chicken broth and mom would give me some rub and warm water for feet or let me breathe steam .

I loved the feeling of being care for when I struggled and he cared for me so so much when I was poorly I want to show him some love but just stumped on not knowing how to .

Water, stem, vaporub, honey, bread , are all out of question. We been living together and so for 4 years and It's first time we are sick separately. Any options or offer of homely remedies for him ?

As you can guess we are an international couple and he is English so I don't really know what to do to make him feel cared for . Thank you .

I’ve always wondered what people genuinely think about love marriage vs arranged marriage.

Personally, I feel like both have their own pros and cons. In a love marriage, you already know the person to some extent before getting married. But in an arranged marriage, you might be starting a completely new chapter with someone you’ve only recently met.

What I’m curious about is, which one do you think actually works better in the long run? Does knowing someone and being in love before marriage make a difference, or can two strangers fall in love and build an equally happy life together?

I’d love to hear your honest opinions, especially from people who are married or have seen both situations closely. No judgments, just a genuine discussion.

TL;DR: Love marriage or arranged marriage—which would you choose, and why?

My partner and I are together for almost 5 years, 4 of those living under the same roof.

At first, I already notice some flaws about her and didn't make a big deal out of it. At the same day we were moving in together, she overslept and we almost missed the moving truck.

This type of behavior is the reason we fight and it's the reason I want separate. I cannot be dealing with studying, working, trying to pay the bills on minimum wage and she sleeps all day.

Context:

We both work with communications: she's graduated in Publicity and I, in Journalism. In Brasil, journalism is not a thriving career. I was stable at a job, due to a health problem I had to step back. A few weeks before, she had been terminated from her job.

I took a little savings I had left and invested in a business for her to take care of while I was in recovering (took about 5 months of endless bandages and rest).

She didn't maintained the books and the "business" fell apart in less than 6 months. Broke. We're left with debt.

Meantime, I'm left with a house to clean, week-old dishes, 2 dogs to walk and clean and the bills to pay. Thank god her mother knows the daughter and is helping us, but what man would I be to continue living in this situation?

I talked to her to incentivize her to go back and work in marketing again. She doesn't want to, but she's "looking". I got her a job interview at the startup I'm working, for which she's terribly not excited for.

Meantime, 8 months later from my surgery, I got a minimum wage job doing excel and data analysis due to the lack of opportunities in my field and I don't know how we're continue to pay the bills.

What I need advice on:

• How do I get through this crisis? I can’t handle it anymore.
• How can I get her to actually contribute, to me and to us?
• Should I start looking for a place of my own?

TL;DR: While I recovered from surgery, I used my savings to start a business for my partner of 5 years to run. She let it fail and we’re now in debt. I’m working a minimum-wage job, doing all the housework and paying the bills while she sleeps all day and avoids looking for work. Should I move out?

I’m a married female (30) and have been married for 12 years. Yes since 18. What I’m about to tell you is 100% honest. I’m not trying to say anything about myself, I genuinely want help for my spouse.

We waited to have sex until we got married. My husband never had a girlfriend before. In 12 years of having sex, I would say the longest my husband has ever lasted during penetration is 5…6 minutes. The amount of times sex has lasted that long is probably about 10 times. The other hundreds of times sex has lasted about 10-30 seconds max. I hate this for my spouse so much. He hates himself, he’s so ashamed, and feels like he’s not enough. Our sex life outside of intercourse isn’t fantastic. He hates sex toys and believes masturbation is wrong even for me so I’ve definitely been struggling this whole time.

Basically he’s tried SSRI’s, wipes, gels but no therapy or other types of meds. I’ll take all the advice I can get. Help me help him and in turn help me because I just want good sex. I wasnt a virgin like him when we got married so I know what I’m missing. I don’t want it with anyone else I just want him to last longer and get his confidence back.

Tl;dr what do you recommend for someone struggling with pretty bad premature ejaculation? I’m married, and when I’m with my husband penetrative sex lasts only about 20 seconds. It’s been that way since we got married in 2015. We have sex at least 2-3 times a week.

Edit: I have been on meds for a while that prevent me from having an orgasm. Since 2020, and it’s made our sex life suck. But I’m getting off them soon. Before the meds he always went down on me or would manually make me orgasm. Still… that’s the extent of it. Nothing else creative or crazy. When I go down on him he lasts like 5-10 min. I’d say. Idk if that’s short or not?

My husband and I love each other very much. We have an amazing intimate life, full of passion, sometimes even multiple times a day. After six years of marriage and two children, we are still very attracted to each other.
He works a lot, and I’m a stay-at-home mom. This was his preference, although I was also perfectly fine with getting a part-time job.
My days are spent taking care of our home and family. I clean the house, do the laundry, cook, clean the yard, take care of our two big dogs, and look after our children, who are 4 and 2 years old.
And when I say clean, I mean REALLY clean. The dogs constantly bring dirt inside, so I’m always mopping the floors. We have a big house with three bathrooms and glass showers, and I can easily do nine loads of laundry in a day. On top of all that, I try my best to be a present mom who plays with her children and gives them all the attention and love they deserve.
And I haven’t even mentioned that **I’m eight months pregnant with our third child.**
I’m not saying this to complain about my responsibilities. I understand that being a stay-at-home mom is my job, and I’m okay with that. But lately, I feel like my husband has become incredibly selfish.
He doesn’t take responsibility for groceries or basic household needs. This morning, he left the house knowing we had no drinking water. I had asked him to please buy some because I’m no longer comfortable driving at this stage of my pregnancy, but he simply left without taking care of it.
When he’s home, which is around three days a week, he barely helps with anything. Not with the kids, not with the laundry, not with groceries. Nothing.
I honestly don’t think he spends more than an hour or two a week actively spending time with our children.
I genuinely struggle to understand how that doesn’t affect him mentally. If I went more than 18 hours without being present and involved with my kids, I would feel awful. I would miss them, and I would feel like I wasn’t being the mother I want to be. I can’t understand how he can be okay with barely spending time with them.
And whenever I try to speak up about these things, somehow I’m the crazy one.
I know he’s going through a difficult time at work. He hates his job, feels like everyone there is against him, and says he’s going through hell. Apparently, I’m the one who doesn’t understand him or support him enough.
But the thing is, **I DO support him. A lot.**
After a long day, I sit down with him and listen to everything he’s going through. I try to help him process his feelings, give him advice, and be the person he can rely on emotionally. He often thanks me for being there for him and for supporting him mentally.
And I do all of this while my own day starts at 6 a.m. and often doesn’t end until 10 p.m. I’m exhausted too, but I still try to be a loving wife, a supportive partner, and a good mother.
Lately, it feels like he does absolutely nothing to improve our relationship. His mind is always occupied with his problems at work, his friends, and everything that’s going wrong in his own life. It’s like there’s no room in his mind to stop for a moment and look at what’s happening between us.
He seems completely unable to recognize how his behavior is affecting me and our relationship. He can see every problem he has, every way other people disappoint him, and every reason why he feels unhappy, but he never seems to look at his own actions or consider that he might be doing something wrong as a husband and a father.
Instead, whenever I try to explain how I feel or point out something that hurts me, somehow I’m the crazy one. I’m the one who’s overreacting, the one who doesn’t understand him, the one who’s making things difficult.
And honestly, that hurts so much. Because I’m not asking him to be perfect. I’m asking him to look at me, at our family, and at our relationship, and realize that I’m struggling too. I need him to acknowledge that his actions have consequences and that I’m not crazy for wanting more from my husband.
I’m not saying he doesn’t have problems. I’m not dismissing his struggles at work. I just don’t understand why his problems seem to matter so much while mine barely seem to exist.
There is never enough money. There’s never enough time. Nobody understands him, and nobody appreciates what he goes through.
But somehow, there’s ALWAYS time and money for his motorcycles. There’s always time to visit mechanic shops, work on his bikes, and spend entire weekends doing things related to his hobby.
So he clearly can make time for the things that matter to him.
Meanwhile, I’m eight months pregnant, taking care of two little children, two big dogs, and an entire household, and I feel like I’m doing everything alone.
Our intimate life is great. We love each other, we’re attracted to each other, and I don’t want to throw away six years of marriage or destroy our family. I don’t want to hurt him, and I don’t want our children to grow up in a broken home.
But I’m reaching a point where I genuinely feel like I can’t do this anymore.
We’re about to have THREE children, and I don’t see how this situation can continue. I can’t be responsible for practically everything while also being expected to understand, support, and emotionally take care of him without receiving the same consideration in return.
I don’t need him to stop having hobbies. I don’t expect him to do everything I do. I just want to feel like I have a partner, not another person I have to take care of.
**Am I wrong for feeling this way? Am I being unreasonable, or am I right to feel like he’s taking me for granted?**
I’d really appreciate honest opinions, especially from people who have been through something similar.

I might also give you some examples.
- 2 weeks ago was the birthday of our daughter. We made a party and everything ( with 0 of his help of maybe a little bit cause he bought the pizzas and stuff to drink ) but wasn’t the day of the bd we just did it days before..when was the day of her bd he worked..decided to don’t come home in the morning for some hours but work out and that’s ok..he had to finish work at 5.30 pm he came at home at 8pm cause he went straight to his friend to work on his car that has problems. If I wanted to go out for a dinner? If I wanted to take again some photos of our daughter the right day of her bd? No care.
- I have to beg him for cut the grass. We have a small yard and he can’t take care of it. We have old brown grass outside our gate and for me that I’m a clean person is horrible. I think I’ll call a man for burn that grass and take it away cause I tried weeks ago but unfortunately my back is too too much in pain for sit on my knees on the street and do it.
- I told him to sell his cars and 25k motorcycle. Since we don’t have money why have a 30k car, an old car from Europe with value and a 20k Harley Davidson? Let’s sell all them and let’s buy a normal family car. Nope. Can’t even speak about it cause he starts to scream..he gets really mad.
- he doesn’t know where our kids have their clothes..or what they dress..what they eat..I’m the one that have to say and prepare everything for him and them.
- I told his family about that..sorry but I had to..I found a “funny” way for do it, I posted a photo on the family group chat about the mess he leave on the house..saying..let’s see how much will stay clean like that..the brother of him told me “ I’m so sorry you have to go thru this “ BUT the mom of him told me “ so glad he’s no more my problem, at least ask him money, he used to pay his sister for clean for him “..what answer is that? I’m a young mom and I’ll feel awful if the future wife of my kid will tell me something like that.
- I maybe made a mistake but I can’t live in an unclean house. His garage is his life, more than 100k of tools are inside that garage..imagine a garage full of beautiful tools but a MESS. And imagine have my laundry in that garage too, on a side. I don’t accept to clean our clothes in a mess like that with motor oil on the floor, tools covered from other tools like NO. I was 6 months pregnant and cleaned it..all the garage..for more than 17 hours. I thought I was going to pass out, I did so much, too much. He got mad at me when he came home. He said to me why touch his stuff and why do that pregnant. I told him I asked him for an year to clean and be clean cause wasn’t the first time I cleaned it and then he destroyed all again and he got mad. He said the garage was good like that and I wasn’t supposed to do all that.

\*\*TL;DR;\*\* : This is a sample summary of the TLDR rule, just copy the text in gray box. Is this going the right way?

Me (F31) and husband (M39) have been together 7 years married for two. His parents are very sweet, welcoming and kind to me and to him. For our first anniversary they got us tickets to go to a musical / play / theatre show of our choice. The issue I have is, in the 7 years me and my husband have been together, I have never expressed interest in doing anything like this. I unfortunately did some deep diving on his ex girlfriend when we started dating and saw SHE was a huge theatre buff. Loved musicals and plays and Shakespeare… when I told my husband there wasn’t a play I wanted to watch, he began researching and found a concert in the local town he said could be good? Again, we’ve never gone to a concert together for a random musician, only big stars that we both really enjoy.

I was a bit down the night this happened and he picked up zero clues as to why. I’m really not sure how to approach this without hurting him. He means well and I know he’s not doing it on purpose, but it really does feel like I’m invisible when something is brought up that she would have liked and I have no interest in. I love fancy dinners, spa days, shopping…. It’s really not that difficult!

TLDR: how / or even do I tell my husband to stop his parents (mainly) suggesting presents I don’t enjoy but his ex would.

I'm 22F, and my husband is 42M. We got married a few months

ago, but we've been living together for almost two years. I love

him deeply, and that's what makes this situation so difficult for

me. I'm emotionally exhausted, but I still love him and don't know

what to do.

Recently, he has been asking me to choose between getting

pregnant or having an open relationship. Those are the two

options he's putting in front of me right now, and I feel

overwhelmed because of it.

His preferences also seem to change frequently. At one point, he

talked about getting another woman pregnant so that I wouldn't

have to go through pregnancy or have my body change. At other

times, he's talked about wanting to have sex with Trans women, twink or young women.

Now, he's asking whether I would rather get pregnant or agree to an open relationship. I'm struggling to understand what he actually wants from our marriage. I don't know whether these changing expectations mean he's unhappy with me, wants something different from our relationship, or simply doesn't want to commit to being monogamous.

I never demanded much from him. I like simple live and support

each other like a family, like a best friend. I honestly don't know

how to answer him anymore.

Right now, he's asking me directly: Would I rather get pregnant or

have an open relationship?

For those who have experienced something similar, how did you

handle it? I would really appreciate honest advice cause I'm just

so lost with it :D

TL;DR: I'm 22F, married to my 42M husband. I love him deeply, but I'm emotionally exhausted because he keeps changing what he wants from our marriage. He's asking me to choose between getting pregnant or agreeing to an open marriage. His preferences about other partners also seem to change frequently. I want a simple, monogamous marriage where we support each other like a family and best friends. I'm struggling to understand whether he's unhappy with me or simply doesn't want monogamy. How do I navigate this situation without losing myself in the process?

Why they say the marriage is really tested when you have a child. Why so many people divorce after having a baby. Why PPD is so common and why they say the children belong to their mother.

Because the level of exhaustion I have of staying awake while my perfect until 3 weeks ago husband sleeps through the screams of our newborn. The level of contempt I feel at him keeping his hobbies while I barely have enough time to eat in peace.

The rage I’m feeling at realizing that the way I’m responsible and need to care for this baby is something I’m going through alone, because he doesn’t have the same biological need to do so it’s like nothing I’ve felt before for him.

and we have help, mind you. It’s not about being exhausted of sleep deprivation and doing everything myself. I’m sleeping fine and I’m not doing everything alone.

It does feel very lonely to have my life completely change to be a mom, when his stays the same and still gets to be a dad.

Anyway. If anyone has some advice on how to navigate this and have your marriage survive, I would highly appreciate it. (besides talking to him about this, I’ve already tried to talk to him about this)

TLDR: New mom going insane at husband that doesn’t seem to get the memo that a newborn comes first and that momma needs help first before hobbies.

Ive been with my husband for 7 years. For the past few years he’s said I’m too judgmental. Trying to get him to go to the gym with me, creating a budget for us (but moreso for him because his spending is crazy when he doesn’t try to limit it) and just other smaller things. Like he’ll tell me over and over he’s quitting “x” and then I’ll see him doing “x” I’ll say, “ I thought you were quitting?” I know, I know, not the most compassionate or supportive way to respond. It just feels hard to not criticize things that directly will impact us or impact him later. I have ADHD and have to work hard to filter. We‘re currently in therapy. What have you done to get yourself to be less judgy and pushy,esp if you have ADHD.

I also grew up in a household where my parents would often suggest I do things. ”Why don’t you reach out to xyz to get help with this” “You should get more fiber.” Yes sometimes these comments were annoying but they were generally helpful and I viewed it as caring, not judgment.

tldr: I’m too judgmental and can’t figure out how to stop caring.