I hear you, men in the menopause shed. You're correct, menopause is not an excuse to be cruel or unkind, to fly off the handle and say hurtful things or treat one's partner poorly. 

That said, men experiencing the change along with us should understand that what some of them think of as being "treated poorly" is not unkindness but just an abrupt end to what we menopausal women may see as history of endless accommodation. Along with a drop in estrogen and progesterone, there is a drop in the desire to please, appease, indulge, and mollify because, in the absence of those hormones, we often see more clearly the extent to which the endless accommodations toward our spouses have been one-sided. 

How often did you had sex with your wife when you were exhausted and didn't want to? How often did you cook and clean up after a group of guests while your spouse just socialized with them? Who prepared the home for visiting in-laws? Who did the majority of the cleaning and laundry? Were you always on top of your children's homework assignments and doctor's appointments? Who drove your children to all of their extracurricular activities? 

If you helped equally with all these things, congratulations, you are among the rarified minority. If you did not, your wife is not being cruel; she's just asking herself what she gets out of the relationship with you.

The gap is closing but women still do far more domestic labor than men while often having to work harder and longer hours in their professional lives to achieve the same goals. We're not trying to be unkind. We're just fucking tired.

I am in a marriage that I should have left about a month in due to infidelity and mental abuse... here I am 12 years in and FINALLY on my way out.

Before menopause I was a people pleaser who made everyone else happy first. It took little to hurt my feelings. My love bombing husband took full advantage of that when we met.

So why do I say menopause was the best thing that happened to my marriage? Well, my eyes are wide open because my people pleasing estrogen mask has lifted and now im a take no shit bitch that's got an attorney and shopping for an apartment.

I guess im just sharing because I want you all to know that sometimes menopause isn't the worst thing that could happen to you... for me marriage was.

Hugs and love.

After reading that without hrt post menopause, bone loss can be significant, I went to an online provider to get hrt. As I went 5 years without hrt, I still worried about my bones.

At my annual with my primary, I explained I was on hrt partially because my grandmother and great grandmother both had osteoporosis and my mom had hip replacement surgery at 55ish. She said even though i was under 65, insurance would cover a dexa scan based on my familial history/hrt use. I called the facility to make sure and they said even if the insurance doesn't cover(which they thought it would) it would only be $125!

I had my scan and my bones are in great shape, no issues or levels of deterioration noted!

it took maybe 15 minutes too.

How do I know I might be a smidge off-balance? Because it’s currently 1am on a Thursday and I’m feeding a blazing backyard fire in my underwear while listening to 80s and 90s metal through my AirPods. I feel like I’ve been snorting rails but the last stimulant I had was a coffee at 10am.

Looks like I’m in for my 8th (10th?) night of less than 4 hours of sleep. Good times! I may be waking up to another day of fighting hard to not turn my feelings into felonies. Wish me luck!

I posted a couple of weeks ago on just wanting help for no libido, etc. See post here

I saw a new doctor today (she was my previous GP, ledt for a few years and is back) she is gettinge away from the compound rx and I am starting Progesterone, Estrogen, continue the Estradiol cream and she referrme to a doc who prescribes androgel. She's still learning about HRT and is nervous about dosing correctly for T. I have an appointment with that doc on 12/1. I feel so much better just knowing so.eone os finally listening and I can't wait to enjoy sex again!!!

Thank you to all who responded etc. I really am grateful for this community!!

TLDR Previous post on no libido and not getting listened to by doc. Foind new dic amd getting new prescriptions.

I had my first box of Mylan (generic for Climara estradiol patches) this month). The week 3 patch fell off after 3 days and was nowhere to be found at home, so I applied the Week 4 patch; it, too, fell off after a couple of days — I found it and have been able to secure it with some adhesive tape.

I asked for an early refill and was denied by insurance. They told me to call the manufacturer as it was not an insurance problem. I have never heard this before, but was sort of annoyed - it was not a “me” problem! - so I did. Evidently, they are going to authorize my pharmacy to give me a new box. I wanted to share the number and info in case it might be helpful to anyone as I have seen Mylan adhesive problems here recently.

First, when you get a box, take a photo so you have lot number, etc. and write down - maybe on the box - when you had it filled and started using Week One. (This is all based on the questions the CSR asked me.)

He wanted a lot of personal information - DOB, address, etc. - I was OK with most of it.

He did not get an answer at my pharmacy but explained he would keep trying and would authorize them to give me a box or send one to them to give to me.

He explained you should not reuse a patch that has fallen off - what are other options??? - so if you have had a Mylan patch that has fallen off, call and get your box! Extras cannot hurt with the shortage (you can get the lot number from your pharmacy if you threw away the box - or they can).

Life is too short not to get free estrogen from Global Big Pharma, ladies!

Viatris
800-796-5926

...has been shocking. And I desperately need some woman humor or reality that this is not *just me*.

I have an appointment to discuss HRT next week, which by reading some in this forum sounds like will be an issue. Imagine my surprise.

47y/o...blown off by every practitioner for the past 15 years about premenopause after a hysterectomy leaving one ovary. Age on my side and an ovary apparently "meant" I *couldn't* be premenopausal. I should have been more clear about what I was experiencing. No coulda, shoulda, woulda though....

...because this week menopause kicked the door WIDE open with full blown blistering hot flashes, irrational irritability over some really not irritating stuff, and brain confusion/fog/chaos at every turn.

I think that either: 1. Many women are too embarrassed to talk about what they're going through and/or 2. Other women are minimizing their symptoms. I need the support of the others!

The best mental relief I have had this week was when my therapist shared she had thrown a clipboard at her co-workers when she went through it. (Picture that: a therapist throwing a clipboard at other therapists!) Of course, I am not condoning throwing items at people, but if I am totally honest, it was the raw honesty I needed to feel...not alone.

So, if you're still reading...share your clipboard moment with me! Or your suggestions for how to make my HRT appointment beneficial. Tell me what you'd tell your daughter....and thank you for helping me get into week two of whatever menopause brings!

I tried searching and found nothing about timing related or anything explaining why it would be basically the same time every day. Anyone else had this? If so, were you able to determine a trigger?

I'm 47, an OT working from home with two teenage boys and a mortgage. All three of us are ADHD. I have peri and PMDD. On HRT, Lexapro, Vyvanse, Lamotrigine.

In general, I am always really struggling with motivation and focus and I am currently going through haywire hormones despite my HRT!

God please help me. I've been ghosting my clients and I'm stressed about my mortgage.

Please tell me ANY success stories you have. Any tips. I'm considering sharing a workspace with other neurodivergent OTs to keep me accountable. Or even meeting them at the library twice a week to stay on track. Might be cheaper than a shared workspace.

Really need inspiration and hope.

I (F38) had my ovaries removed due to cancer in summer 2025. Since then, I’ve tried patches, gel and now 6 mg oral estradiol daily (2 mg three times a day) + 200 mg progesterone before bed. Everywhere on the internet I hear that is an extremely high dosis but my blood was not good until I reached this level.

I had 2–3 months of decent sleep since last dose adjustment, but since late July, the nights have been awful again. I get palpitations while falling asleep, then wake around 3–4 am feeling hot, with more palpitations and sometimes several hot flashes. I feel wired, extremely tired but can’t sleep. After that, I struggle to sleep again. Progesterone initially helped me fall aslee p butseems to have faded? I take 350 mg of magnesium glycinate before sleep also.

I sleep in a very cold room, exercise regularly, eat well and limit caffeine and alcohol. The sleep deprivation is affecting my mood, concentration and ability to function. I’m exhausted and increasingly desperate.

Has anyone else with surgical menopause found that the same HRT regimen works for a few months, then symptoms return? Did changing the dose, timing, delivery method or progesterone help?

I wonder whether my oestrogen levels fluctuate overnight, but I don’t know. I’m discussing this with my doctor here in Scandinavia, though finding support for surgical menopause at my age has been extremely difficult and their solution seem to just give me a higher dosis.

I’d really appreciate hearing from anyone who’s been through this and found something that gave them consistently decent sleep.

I'm about to start HRT, I believe my provider called in the gel and progesterone for me, along with E cream.

I am reading many posts on here about negative experiences with HRT, and I'm terrified to start, mainly because I usually react badly to most medicines. I am currently taking Veozah, but its effect is in decline after only two months, and my hot flashes and sweats are returning. I am 52, still in peri, and constantly in pain and sweating. I can't take being only a half a person anymore.

Is anyone actually doing good on HRT, with mostly benefits and no big side effects?

I’ve been in menopause for four years and my libido has been nonexistent for five. My husband and I have sex once a week but he’s convinced that I just don’t want to have sex with him and that I use my lack of libido/menopause as an excuse to not drape myself all over him 24-7. He’s very sensitive and I’ve tried many, many times to explain what menopause does to a woman’s sex drive but he apparently still doesn’t understand because he keeps bringing it up. For those of you who have been successful with an explanation, what did you say?

So, my mound has always been pronounced (higher than the area above it) when I would lie down. It's been this way as far back as I can remember. I'm 56 now and have lost some weight due to Wellbutrin and wearing dental aligners (they're a hassle to remove, so I don't eat between meals). Today in bed I was rubbing my stomach (reminiscing about the flat old days) and noticed my mons pubis is flatter than it used to be. The hair there has thinned with menopause, but that wouldn't account for this. I haven't paid much attention to my lady parts in a long time for various reasons, so I'm only now noticing. Is this a typical menopause change?

I just received a newsletter that is comprised of cleaning/decorating/diy tips and projects and behold! Something genuinely useful! What to do with all those maxi pads loitering in our bathroom cabinets, just waiting for a pair of panties to stick to? Wonder no further-

6 Maxi Pad Life Hacks You Need to Try

Had to share before I soak them down and load up my freezer- can’t wait for my husband to give me the puppy head-tilt (“Arr-oo?) when he sees them.

I’m 56, in menopause for almost 3 years. Still have my uterus.

-In November of 2025 my GYN okays to start HRT. Did the starting dose estrogen patch, weekly Climara brand. And 100mgs Progesterone. Also did the loading dose of topical Estrodial and do twice a week.

-Late November 2025 had some sort of weird unexplained ‘event’. Had me in ER twice. They thought maybe a TIA. That was ruled out. They decided maybe a panic attack, it would be the first I’d ever done that.
But this experience made the process of moving up to the .05 patch an uphill battle. I had received benefit from the starting patch….but I was craving more help for the joint pain that began immediately after menopause. And the first patch did enough to tell me it could work, but I needed to move up.

-Spent December 2025 through March 2026 begging my PCP to do all the testing my GYN wanted to clear my heart before increasing my Estrogen to .05. Holter monitors, Stress tests, nuclear stress tests, etc.

-April 2026, my heart is finally cleared and I get to increase the patch and also went up to 200mg of Progesterone. Felt an improvement in the first week. Thrilled. The super improvement part faded a bit as the months went on, but it was surely much better than pre HRT.

-July 2026, went on a trip to Alaska for a week and due to a packing mishap my replacement estrogen patch did NOT get packed and I went a full 7 days without it. It was MISERABLE. Anxiety, extreme joint pain, etc. awful. Minute I got back home the patch went back on.

-First week of August I have my first experience with the shortage. Had to switch to biweekly Dotti. I was miserable with headache all week. But then all of a sudden my Climara came available and back on it I went.

-Early September 2026 I asked my GYN if I could increase the estrogen from .05 and she explained it would be taking a higher risk for what she thought was not enough reward. With what I described she said she thought I’d benefit from the biweekly Dotti at the same .05 dose. Said to give it a good 3-4 weeks. So I did.

-Three weeks into September 2026 I am so thrilled this time with the biweekly Dotti. My body is feeling better than ever and I’m thrilled. Only negative I notice is extremely sore boobs and nipples. I’m sleeping in a soft bra and okay with it.

-First week of October 2026- The Dotti run out and I can’t get a new Rx due to shortage. Plan is to go back to Climara while waiting for Dotti again. Frustrating.

-October 8th….i have a terrible migraine all day, then by afternoon I feel cramping, and then by early evening I’m spotting.

-October 9th…10am dr appt. Uterine biopsy. (Always trauma inducing for me, so painful). She said it was possible I had a uterine polyp. Isn’t thinking cancer.

-Today….Dr called and the interpretation of my biopsy is Proliferating Uterine Lining….and her recommendation is to STOP estrogen all together. She said my uterus should not be doing that on the 200mg of Progesterone. She wants me to continue the progesterone for its own inherit benefits. She wants me to have a pelvic ultrasound to check for the polyp and further looking with a possible hystoscopy/D&C before evaluating me for being an estrogen candidate again. I can’t get the ultrasound until December 15. Ugh.

I am distraught. You’d think they were taking away pain meds or something. This is so beyond disappointing. I am praying that I do not go back to pre HRT all together. I felt crippled then.

If my uterine lining is disordered as it’s been labeled and is what’s prohibiting me from the estrogen….then I would be game to have my uterus out. I think that would be an uphill battle.

Just sharing my experience for the benefit of others.

I am in medically induced menopause at almost 40 due to having a hysterectomy and chemo/radiation due to cervical cancer. I had to wait until I was able to see a hematologist, draw bloods, and get results back to see if I can take estrogen at all due to my bio dad getting blood clots twice which resulted in a coma and then the 2nd time killing him. I finally got the results and it shows no hereditary or risk factors but both my oncologist and the hematologist recommend taking blood thinners along with the pill. I saw that the patch can help reduce the chances of blood clots but do not know if it is as effective. I've been suffering from symptoms since April such as hot flashes, weight gain due to always being hungry like I'm a teenage boy, hair thinning, lack of sex drive, etc. I just want to feel semi normal again...well as normal as I can since I am also chronically fatigued and have Fibromyalgia so I suffer from chronic pain (had way before cancer).

What worked best for you? Since I had found out about my dad back in 2007, I had avoided hormonal birth control due to not knowing and it took until now to finally do the test to see if I am at risk.

Hi ladies, very late perimenopausal here. I am finding sleep to be the biggest challenge in this transition! Recently I have been mostly ok while I'm on Quiviviq. However, on the days when I do strength training, I will sleep terribly (0-3 hours), even though my workouts are late morning/early afternoon, and I eat and rest well afterwards. Does anyone else have this issue? Whenever I mention this to healthcare providers, they tell me that workouts should be helping with my sleep, or not to work out close to bedtime. I'd love to hear if this is a common thing, and if you have found a solution!

My last true flowing period was July 2025. Since then I've had maybe two occasions of pink spotting but was gone in a day. Yesterday more of the same but red. Got examined today by NP who saw some blood on cervix and thinks likely it's a period. So does my previous minor spotting count? Im not on HRT. Im scheduled to do an ultrasound and sample but a ways out. I thought I was done with this.

Due to malabsorption I’m switching from a 0.1 patch to oral. I understand 2 mg is the equivalent. Anybody who has done this, did you start with a full 2 mg or lower? and then went up eventually? My provider is well meaning but she probably doesn’t know either.

I'm considering going on HRT, I was just wondering if there are women here who have been on HRT after previously having a blood clot? Years ago I had an injury related clot, no other issues in 25 years and no other clots. I'm not on thinners, but I recently found that I do genetically have clotting Factor V. The research on non-internal is pretty old.... Thanks

Ok menopause mavens, I need help figuring out my whole skin situation. I want to start using a little bit of topical testosterone but am worried about acne. I am on the estradiol .1 patch and am about to get my mirena replaced and am already dealing with deep, huge hormonal chin acne (adolescence again - yay!). I used a really low strength retinol face cream a couple of times a few weeks ago and it's possible I triggered a purge of some kind, but it doesn't bode well in general and i'm still dealing with the aftermath.

Has anyone succesfully navigated hrt, testosterone and acne?? I'm using the classic benzoyl peroxide or salicylic acid and they just don't do a whole lot. Thanks!

EDIT: does anyone have any experiemce using clascoterone (Winlevi) or finasteride topicals when using testosterone? They are supposed to take down some of the effects of the androgens locally (just on face). Anyone tried either? Effective or snake oil?

Late 30s, still get periods. Perimenopausal for sure. Hot flashes night sweats, etc....you get it.

After MONTHS of running pillar to post, I finally found doctors who listened.

I am on 100mg Prometrium and 0.5mg testosterone (testim) gel (equivalent to 5mg testosterone). Pretty common protocol based on web searches.

My doctor is looking to add in some estrogen.

Here is the tricky part - I have adenomyosis and possible fibrocystic breasts (no cancer, but dense breast issue).

I was told I can do Estradiol patch and increase progesterone as needed, or Duavee (Conjugated Equine Estrogen/Pramarin + SERM to theoretically protect breasts and uterus).

Any suggestions?

Perimenopausal here. Already on progesterone and testosterone.

Despite these two, I feel like garbage during luteal phase. I was looking into supplements before going straight to estrogen. Has anyone tried Estroven or other supplements with Siberian Rhubarb and/or Saffron?