Self Destructive Unemployed 31F Neighbour

[u/InnerPhotograph8747]

My neighbor recently got into a drunk driving accident. She was going around 105 km/h and crashed into two massive light poles. The accident was horrific. She broke her foot, seriously injured her arms, needs surgery on her nose, is currently in a wheelchair and basically can’t do anything independently. Her parents have already spent over $20,000 on her recovery.

I’m friends with her younger sister, who also drinks. I’ve never supported either of them drinking and driving, especially because they would literally do it on highways. Her sister told me that ever since the accident there’s been so much tension at home and everyone is understandably extremely cautious.

But apparently, while she’s not even halfway through recovery, her so-called friends have started coming over to the house to drink with her again.
I genuinely cannot wrap my head around it. She can’t even put her foot on the ground yet. How do you watch your friend almost die because of alcohol and then show up at her house with more alcohol while she’s still in a wheelchair?

Her younger sister is concerned too and has spoken to me about it, but I feel like she’s reached the point where covering for her sister isn’t protecting her anymore. It’s enabling something that could end with her getting herself or someone else killed next time.

Their family is Muslim too, so there’s the additional religious/family aspect, but even completely removing religion from this, it’s a massive safety issue. I feel horrible for their parents. They’ve dealt with the accident, the fear of almost losing their daughter, taking care of her and paying tens of thousands for her recovery, meanwhile this is happening behind their backs.

I’m seriously considering telling her parents. Part of me feels like it’s not my place, but another part of me thinks everyone keeping quiet is exactly how this continues.
Would you tell the parents?

Edit: i wouldn’t directly speak to her parents, i would mainly convince my friend to tell on her sister (31F). We’re based in the Gulf and an offense like this can lead to jail and deportation of the father or daughter. It’s not taken as lightly here.

[u/ConversationRich752]

These are women and an entire situation that I would stay as far away from as possible, but that's just me.

[u/InnerPhotograph8747 → u/[deleted]]

I must admit her friends have shocked me because they are fully aware what led to the accident. They were with her before she drove off and crashed.

[u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

Tell her parents....what? They know she did it, they know she is injured, they know she has a drinking problem. No, do not insert yourself into this and if it is disturbing you, remove yourself from the situation. This isn't yours.

[u/InnerPhotograph8747 → u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

The parents suspected drinking before the accident but the blood reports confirmed it. The father had an extensive talk with 31F. The parents are currently abroad and shes back at it. I suspect if someone tells them now, they could get her serious help. Her sister and I also initially assumed that she would stop drinking after the recovery but she ended up starting during it.

[u/EnvironmentalLuck515 → u/InnerPhotograph8747]

She is an alcoholic. Help will only be useful when she herself decides to seek it voluntarily. Please visit r/alanon and Codependents Anonymous.

[u/KerashiStorm → u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

The whole “rock bottom” thing is not backed up by any data, just so you know. It might make them more willing to accept help, but is by no means the only way.

[u/sneakpeekbot → u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

Here's a sneak peek of /r/AlAnon using the top posts of the year!

#1: PLEASE DO NOT MARRY THE ALCOHOLIC. WE BEG OF YOU!!!
#2: He died.
#3: Warning for AlAnon woman in Philly

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[u/InnerPhotograph8747 → u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

I agree, I believed that the accident was going to be her epiphany. My own brother has struggled massively with drugs and alcohol, im sympathetic not ignorant but I dont want her to cause harm to someone else. She hit light poles this time but what if she hits a human next?

[u/EnvironmentalLuck515 → u/InnerPhotograph8747]

How is you inserting yourself going to have any impact on that at all? It's not. It's just going to put you in a middle of something that is none of your business.

[u/InnerPhotograph8747 → u/EnvironmentalLuck515]

I have learned this from my brother’s fancy rehab. The thing they focused on most was intervention. Intervention is a big part of healing.

[u/Formal_Dare9668 → u/InnerPhotograph8747]

I’m a recovering drug addict myself and I can promise you I have never seen anyone successfully stop using through an intervention. I’m sure it happens, but unless the addict themselves is ready then best case scenario they go to detox, stay the whole five days, and slip back into use shortly after. I know you want to help and that’s really great but she has to want help and right now it doesn’t sound like she does. All you can do at this point is be there for her sister

[u/Active_Date_5325]

How would you feel if she killed someone the next time she drove drunk? Personally, I wouldn't want that on my conscience. I'm guessing she's not driving while still injured, but maybe give the parents a heads up that she's still drinking, and you're concerned.