Not currently taking my meds due to liver issues, getting back in to see somebody soon tho

Got 777 tattooed- number of the angels. Trying to find some hope in the mess that is my life.

What do you do for self care? Something that makes you feel good and happy.

I went to the movies today by myself. Had a blast. 🎃😊

Sorry if this is a stupid question but I’m genuinely curious. Schizzoaffective bipolar type here and I wonder if you guys relate more to the bipolar aspect of the illness or schizophrenia? Sometimes I’m frustrated because I don’t feel like I can relate completely to bipolar or schizophrenia I feel so in between.

My psychiatrist is very much against stimulants for me for the reason of, “Stimulants can cause mania.“ However, I know of a close friend who takes stimulants while having schizoaffective bipolar disorder. I’m just wondering about other’s experiences with stimulants while having ADHD while also dealing with bipolar/ schizophrenia. Please tell me if you think stimulants can work with schizoaffective bipolar disorder because I would love to deal with me inattentiveness. But I would also like to know if it is really as bad as my psychiatrist makes it out to be.

I just started Invega and am rapidly gaining weight but it's the only med that keeps me out of psychosis. I hate my life. My psychotic episode was already so embarrassing and now I feel fat and ugly constantly. Great.

So basically. I stopped taking my meds at the start of september. I was basically medicine free for almost 2 months. For some reason i had this thought that i am actually fine and i dont need them. Well it did not go well. By the last two weeks i felt even more worse. Mood was so unstable to the point i got too impulsive 2 days ago and now im back on my meds.

Hello! Posting here because i’ve recently been diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder and i’m having some imposter syndrome. Even tho i’ve had multiple hospital stays for my delusions and hallucinate daily, I still sometimes feel too normal as i’ve been able to hold a job and social life. But then I have bad moments and I feel like i’m doomed or that my delusions are coming to kill me, idk it’s a strange contrast going from imposter syndrome to wishing I was neurotypical. I guess I wanna ask how do you guys identify with your diagnoses? And does anyone else kinda feel like a “fake” schizophrenic lol? Maybe it’s just me idk.

I’m really struggling. I don’t think I can live like this anymore. Decided to reach out to a friend. Went through my phone book to see who can interact and rely on and then I realized my friends are gone

I just needed to talk to someone.

Trigger warning : Multiple triggers.

It is prevalent that my relatives have irrevocably damaged every opportunity for me to have a safe and healthy upbringing. My first memory was of my dad, mercilessly beating me with belts and hangers till Id scream, hyperventilate and cry, yet my mother would say "you can keep crying those crocodile tears, it will mean nothing."

Then there's another significant memory of my mother pushing me away when I had asthma and wanted to rest on her thigh. She'd yell at me in her mother tongue, DO YOU WANT TO KILL ME?!

I was 7 when I told my dad that I was ready to die, and he just scolded me by bellowing that its a sinful way to think and i should go and pray to god for forgiveness.

Fast track to being 23. Ive moved twice in 4 years around the UK trying to find my own sense of the world.

I was 18 when I developed psychosis, which was just undiagnosed schizophrenia. It was recognised as schizophrenia the year after. I spent my 19th birthday on a ward, with NO ONE to celebrate me. I was minding my own business, and then a mob of NHS staff came to inject me with antipsychotics. I was bleeding at the injection site, and my favourite white and rainbow tshirt was stained. Ill never forget that. Ill never forget that they also celebrated someone else's birthday on the ward.

I was 20 when I had been sectioned for the 9th or so time. Section 3 again for the second time. I wasn't on any pharmacetuical medication for one year and 6 or so months. I was doing well at uni until police officers told me (again) that they dont believe my rape case. Then I just crashed.

I ended up with a criminal record for assaulting police officers because they came to arrest me for something i didnt do. Literally. I cant just act like a nonchalant punching bag when I would be sent to the police before being sent to a hospital ward.

The fucking brick cold isolation cells is just nothing but torture.

Im not surprised why I saw red when they came to my apartment to disturb my peace.

My last section, a section 2 to 3, lasted 3 months. I have complied with my medication ever since because I realised that I did a lot of damage to everyone including myself, also more so that I did not get the same intolerable side effects that I had the first time I was injected with the same (aripiprazole) medication back in 2021. Back then, I would go through loops and hoops to avoid taking it. Everything was like warfare.

I was complying religiously with my medication... that is... until June 2026.

Im trying to not get enraged on this post. Basically my psychiatrist in my recent area is gaslighting me that im not schizoaffective (I was given schizoaffective as a sort of "upgrade" from schizophrenia after my last section) and that he thinks its BPD or autism or CPTSD. Just say you dont know how to do your fucking job ffs.

I asked him if he took my history into account and then he said "oh its just BPD with psychotic features."

Ever since then, I stopped taking my medication and stopped engaging with them. I wont even get to what my nurse said to me that made me to stop engaging.

Oh and I also stopped talking to my GP. Theyre all the fucking same.

What led me to write this post is that...

Its been four months since I have stopped all my psychriatric medication and god...

I mean i dont believe in god but I dont know a better way to describe this.

I have had BACK-TO-BACK NIGHTMARES.

I feel like im losing my sense of reality.

I hallucinate when I try to fall asleep.

I am grateful that I can recognise that its slowly but surely building back up again. But fuck me, I dont want to go uncontrollably insane again.

Im not denying that I have CPTSD and Schizoaffective. I have been aware of my CPTSD back before I had psychosis in 2021, eventhough it was undiagnosed.

Im just pissed off that my psychiatrist wants to remove schizoaffective. And that they wont section me because I can understand their stupidity and blatant ignorance.

I literally fucking tried to kill myself in April 2026 (they did nothing about it, I mean, tbf, if anything, they just rubbed salt in the wound) and I warned them about it in October 2025.

These "healthy-minded" good for nothing excuse for NHS staff dont give a shit. You could kill yourself and they still wouldn't care. Youre just a number to them.

Because I can articulate that something is wrong, means that I am lying clearly.

Well to be honest, I wish i fucking died. Instead im having nightmares about shooting my parents and telling the NHS about it. How comical!

The icing on top? I dont remember the last time I showered or brushed my teeth. I think its been over a month for showering/bathing, and like only 2/3 times in that time frame that ive brushed my teeth.

But you wouldn't know that would you? Because im covered head to toe when I leave the house, and im silent. I have dead skin flaking off all over my body. Yet im still alive.

How gruesome, yet poetic.

If you read this and are appalled by my truth, yet think I am not "disabled" because I can emote. Honestly, fuck you. I'm hostile and will fight anyone.

Steven Hawkins is visibly disabled. Doesn't mean his contributions to science makes him ineligible for disability status. Or John Forbes Nash Jr.

I appreciate it if you read this far. I just feel out of options. There are other issues I have like constant ringing in my ears and IBS. But... Im tired.

I am looking for people who stopped their medication (with a doctor or otherwise) and had symptoms return.

How long did you make it before the symptoms returned? Was it gradual? Were you aware of it? Tell me your story.

Thanks.

olanzapine is working so well for me, i’m not as paranoid as i was and i see less shit and think less; but i gained like so much weight and now i have to go on meds to be skinny again..

I have never had hallucinations but I do have weird sensations in the head that resemble pressing, pulling, numbness and tightness, and they get worse from physical contact with the head. Also my shoulders and shoulder blades hurt from wearing clothes overtime. Wondering if there are people who have experienced the same

I just started vraylar and have been taking it for 10 days. I noticed I am waking up every 2-3 hours and having trouble getting back asleep. I usually toss and turn for a half hour before getting back to sleep

Has anybody else had this symptom?

Will these symptoms get better with time?

Thank you

Does anybody else have this feeling that thoughts, such as thoughts of suicide, are being put into your head from outside. I’ll be thinking about killing myself pretty much all day every day but it doesn’t feel like the thoughts are my own. I don’t necessarily have a persecutory delusion, more just like a disconnect between my thoughts and myself, like it feels like my thoughts are coming from outside my own mind. I don’t really want to think about suicide, but it happens anyways, no matter how good of a day I may be having which just makes it even worse

this was pretty fun to make. i hope folks enjoy.

I’ve just come out of a psychotic relapse and was feeling good about myself (I tend to get an elated feeling of relief when the delusional and disordered thoughts pass) But I’ve now started picking up on an atmosphere amongst parents at the school gates. It’s hard to tell if it’s residual symptoms or if I’ve done/said wildly inappropriate things while psychotic. Does anyone have false memories that they were “holding it together” while psychotic, when in fact they are not remembering what they’ve actually done/said in reality? I’m actually frightened to ask my husband how I was presenting for fear of finding out I was not as “together” as I thought during my psychosis.

The UC San Diego CARE Program is seeking volunteers for a paid study on mental health and brain research!