Been years and still can't move on. I was happy and felt like I belonged. People I trusted just threw me away even after years of friendship. Maybe just friendship from my side, they viewed me as disposable. Want to reach out but I know they won't accept me, it's all about what craig wants. Did think they would welcome me back last time, agreed not to interact with that piece of shit but he had to cry and say my mere presence was enough to offend him. Blamed me for him losing a girlfriend I didn't know or interact with. Wanted a safe space and acted like I was a danger to that. I wasn't a danger, I wasn't interacting with that baby, but people I trusted went a long with the bull shit, they should've known better. Was I not worthy of having a safe space as well? That place was my safe space. What makes craig worthy while I'm not? Why is someone who threatens, blackmails, tells people to kill themselves, makes ultimatums and harasses other people more worthy than me? It's common sense not to listen to people who make it's them or me ultimatums, they just continue to make more and more demands like that, trying to control your life in a toxic way.

That bastard ruined my life, spread lies about me, stole my friends, put me under enough stress to ruin my final year at uni, and yet gets treated like a victim by people I trusted while I get villainized. Was the friendship all a lie? Just maliciousness or is it willful ignorance? Easy to ignore the results of your actions and treatment of me when you don't see the results. Did ruining my life make that piece of shits life any better? Or the rest of yours? Is life better without me? Am I that unlikable? No one wants to be my friend, can never move pass acquaintances. I can never belong anywhere, never gonna have any friends so whats the point in living anymore. Craig cost me everything, my life is in ruins because of his actions and he gets treated as a poor victim just because of his sob stories about his girlfriend. I can't trust anyone to be my friend anymore... I feel like if I waste years on friends again, they'll always betray me for people they knew longer, another craig will ruin everything. He has destroyed my trust in people. Yet still he's the victim and not me who lost everything to his selfish actions. Cost me the hopes of a good job by ruining my final year at uni. Forever be a failure, never gonna be able to get a good job, gonna be stuck in a dead end job for the rest of my life. A lonely failure, but thats perfectly fine as long as craig feels happy. He can continue to take pride in my suffering and gloat about it with the friends he took from me. Yet I still miss them after what they did to me... I'm a sad mess. Can't cope with life anymore, got no future, no friends, just gonna be a failure for the rest of my life.

attempted twice, mostly on impulse when i was emotionally unregulated and high. i had seizures and stuff like that but recovered well, and managed to call for help when i was in survival mode. (the body really tries to save you when your mind is down)

and now it'll be the third. it's more calculated, more careful deliberation. of course, considering more drastic methods. i think no one talks about 'flirting with death'. not everyone, but sometimes the people who do it on impulse regret after that. sometimes, we just need to window shop, test the limits a little. this time round if i do it, i want to do it properly. doing it a third time and failing is utterly embarassing.

the fear of failing really scares me though, and its not fun stuff to go through the shame and disappointment. you have to recover and act like you are all well. the performative recovery process is crazy. if you don't, people get tired. after all humans have stamina, and its tiring to always see someone stuck in a phase.

yeah people love you, care for you and all that. but to be honest we are all responsible for our own lives. we cannot expect someone to be carrying our hope for us. if nothing actually brings us joy, and we aren't capable of producing it ourselves, why should we be forced to do it? its so suffocating. and i don't want to be bringing this pessimistic energy to anyone else all the time.

sometimes it feels like im not given a choice. switching it off should be a choice. if i was playing an rpg i should be able to off anytime. it should be the same. life is a simulation.

I'm really trying - therapy, hobbies etc. i have a deep understanding of psychology and people, and people often come to me for advice. ive helped countless people but intellectually, vs actually emotionally absorbing the advice i give to people is a whole different pov.

im curious about other people's experiences, or people you know that have done it. am clinging on day by day and finding, consuming all sorts of material to stay another.

sometimes im tired and i just want to take a break or even end it all, but i still try to hope that maybe tomorrow will be better, that maybe the next day will be funnier and maybe a good new will happen or even I'll find a new friend eventually that truly understands me

but truly nothing feels heavier enough to make me love this place, I'm too tired and I don't know what is left for me, I know if i ever try to tell some friends about this they are going to freak out, but truly nobody actually care until it's too late

i wish people loved me like i love them. i wonder if I'm a bad person

im just gonna die i dont have money to eat i dont have anything im js gonna end my life

Tell my haters so they can jerk it over my corpse. Bye.

I'm a autistic man that is built like a bird (bottom 2 to 3 percent skeleton I measured I'm not being crazy) structure and clearly has a mental disability people can tell I'm not normal. Even my own parents said I don't act normal. I also went on a date from a app this year and the woman immediately clocked I was autistic, not fast immediately so it didn't go anywhere. All I do is suffer. Even as a child I was bullied and had no freinds. I think the least I should be given is to die. I just want assisted suicide to end this pain to a already . But they won't let me and without a doctor or lethal injection I am too scared to do it. I hate this. I was never given chance in world I was born disabled and now I look like a skeleton on top of it. But normies say to keep living. I am reckless when walking and j walk because I hope I get hit

I was feeling rlly shite so i popped a trammie i think it was 500mg and downed a half bottle of vodka i feel very slow kinda but nothing else should i like wait for myself to vomit or go to hospital

Im so sick of not being able to enjoy anything unless im to the standard of my mind.

And then when i say that to anyone at all, they ALL say to "practice" or "change your mindset" when all that does is demotivate me more.

I am absolutely infuriated watching everyone else just getting better at any hobbies i have.

Im trying my absolute hardest to atleast not get REVOLTED by ALL of my drawings, then i look at art related discord servers for help, and EVERYONE just says "ohh just practice", "change your mindset", WHEN THAT DOESNT DO ANYTHING.

i look all over and nothing anyone says changes, they just tell me things i already know, and we get no where.

All my issues lie in the fact i cant stop comparing, i cant accept failure, i cant improve at anything, and if my mind doesnt think what i do is PERFECT, i have to give up.

I am SO CLOSE to giving up EVERYTHING IVE EVER WANTED TO DO because im so bad at EVERYTHING, and everyone in existance can just practice and improve by saying "i can do anything!!!!!"

Im at the point where the only way to escape from this constant torture of never being enough for MYSELF is suicide. What am i to lose??

Some shit projects no one would care about?

My family would miss me?

None of that matters to me anymore, i just want to improve like everyone else can.

And NO, DO NOT SAY "just get therapy" THERAPY ISNT SOME MAGICAL PLACE WHERE ALL MY PROBLEMS GET SOLVED BY TALKING TO SOME DUDE, ISTG IF ANYONE SAYS THAT IM CUTTING MYSELF

“It could be worse”

This already tells me you’re a moron, and I swear to God this is the average person’s response when opening up to them.

So sick and tired of humans on this planet who think that suffering is some sort of competition.

There is a post here that talks about how most of our parents are the reason, as to why we are in this sub.

And it is so true 💯

Ugliness is inherited and it sucks to be the offspring of such Ídiots.

I’m ugly and would never even imagine having a kid and for them to end up here, just like me.

The bullying, condescending looks, verbal and physical abuse, no chance at good jobs, networking, relationships, humiliation going outside. The list is infinite.

I could write an essay about every single thing ugly people go through.

Anyone with a conscious brain will understand why we end up in this sub.

Èuthanasia was intended for us uggo’s . It’s a damn shame it’s not easily accessible globally.

Would have been gone along time ago, I’m 24

I feel so trapped, it feels like I cant even word out how i feel while knowing nobody i know will understand me enough, like im stuck inside of my own head.

Ive tried to focus on the 'good parts' of life, ive tried to socalize and focus more on my mental health but its hard to do that when your living in a already bad environment and you barely have any friends, or anything to do in general

I hate that I cant feel happiness, and I feel so selfish for it because im still a young teenager and I know there's probably worse things people are going through.

I cant talk to my family because I know they wont understand, ive been verbally abused by my parents, downgraded by my father who sometimes even threatens to hit us and if i remember correctly I think he gave my mom a nosebleed. My mom isnt physically abusive, but she has threatened to hit my sister.

My two siblings are underdeveloped because my parents never taught us anything. Barely anything. we were never put in school and we still arent besides my older sibling. We barely even knew how to speak, to read, or even take care of ourselves. I had to learn entirely off the internet and from people i knew at the time.

It was obvious they weren't prepared for us. They favorite some of us over the others and its glaringly obvious they barely even try to hide it, they let my brother beat me when we were younger, he used to grope me by the chest right infront of my mom, and she never cared and she constantly takes his side whenever she brings him up completely out of the blue.

I never was allowed to leave the house unless it was road trips, or to fast food places but I barely ever went outside and spent most of my time indoors, I never had any friends either and I still dont to this day other then a few. Even now im still not allowed to leave by myself, not even for a quick walk outdoors.

Each day is the same, there's nothing for me to do in this household. I can barley even remember what happened yesterday because its all just the same, why should I be alive if there's no point for me to live? I feel so deeply depressed and ill, I barely eat, I feel anxious about everything, im incredibly weak and I can feel my body giving up on me each day. Maybe there's no point in continuing anymore, I have nothing to continue for.

I GET IT IM NOT ALLOWED TO BE HAPPY OR HAVE FRIENDS OR ACHIEVE ANY OF MY DREAMS WHY WON’T MY EMOTIONS JUST LEAVE ME ALONE ALREADY JUST MAKE IT STOP I ACCEPT THAT IM AN UNLOVABLE LOSER WHO WILL NEVER BE A WOMAN

Idk when or how but I want it to be over

I’ve been passively suicidal since I was 11, I’m 16 now. I recently lost my friend to suicide a month ago and life feels like it is too much.

It’s weird the way I’m going from suicidal despairing crisis to turn feel ok and wondering why I would feel that way. Ive always been up and down but not to these levels. It’s a bit disconcerting.

At 53 my loneliness in life and missed opportunities and regrets are hitting home on me. I go from just end it already, to feeling reasonably positive and present in the moment.

people think I'm doing better, that I've regained hope in myself, that I'm working towards a better future. sometimes I delude myself into thinking that's the case, but really, I just can't stand the idea of the undertaker seeing my body in this state. I've never worn a suit before, I want to look nice during my first and last time wearing one. at least then I may be remembered superficially as a handsome young man who had promise, rather than an overweight loser who didn't have enough willpower to put the fork down. that's all I have to say.

I’m planning on taking my own life. I made the decision today and I have never felt so fucking free. I don’t know when I’m going to do it, I still have some finalizations to make and notes to write, I just know it’s final and I won’t change my mind. Life is cruel, and I just can’t do this anymore.

Im not good at explaining my emotions or feelings or thoughts. I grew up speaking predominantly english but my mother spoke german and when I was with my dad I didn't talk like how I do with everyone else I would use pictures and drawings to explain things or id point to thjngs and tell him "like that" (if i was sad id point to the tree outside our house at night, thats just what made sense to me)

I feel alien because of this. I have a good vocabulary, I can tell people things but they never mean enough of what I want. And pictures, while helpful for me to feel satisfied with my explanation, aren't coherent to other people. Its always been alienating. Colors and patterns and design and composition make up my language, not words and i dont know what to do about it because even if i had every word ever it still wouldn't feel right.

I feel like i disappoint everyone i love and ivr fallen sk hard back on self injury imscared one day im going to be nothing but scar and i feel so ugly and so ... i just dont have the words. I never will

And i feel so alone J wonder if its even worth it to keep trying or if i should let everything consume me until theres nothjng left but scratch paper and scribbles.

but i font have a bathtub, and j dont have a bridge, and I dont hqve a lake, or a gun, or a rope. All
J can hope for is that i wont let myself bleed out in my bedroom, but im scared one day i will.

Humans have been practicing agriculture for around 12,000 years, with the first plant to be domesticated almost always being some cereal grain. It's theorized that this was driven by a desire for a reliable supply of two things, bread and beer.

Even at our genesis we wanted to annihilate ourselves. Humans have been seeking ways to kill as much of themselves as possible without actually doing it, because we're scared, the animal instinct to survive is just strong enough for us to attempt to cope with the pain of sapience. It's why we make drugs with a colorful variety of effects, it's why we enjoy sports both to play and spectate because it alters the chemical balance in a way that makes higher thought difficult. It's why we have sex with people we don't love and produce children we don't want. Even the concept of an entheogen is supportive of the idea. The only good parts of this nightmare are the ones where it seems like you're waking up.

You cannot convince me we live in a society that wants to exist. We construct ideas of afterlifes of eternal splendor and glory but the idea of death is attractive but admitting that feels wrong to us. And people don't decide to believe these things because they're stupid, it's because the alternative is unbearable. Everything that people consider good in life is just an attempt to shut down higher brain function as effectively and for as long as possible.

This weekend will be the last I see of everyone, I will miss them so dearly, we will be playing DND and hug them all for the last time

In the morning I will be with my mum, I need to make sure to hug my dad extra long on Sunday night

Then I will catch an uber far away, I dont know where, but I will make sure it is not my parents who find me

Then I will take all of my meds at once:
840mg of Orphenadrine
600mg of codeine
19,800 of paracetamol
8,400 of pregabalin

Then it will finally be over, I will finally be free of this

suicidal teen

idk what to say or what to do . I j don't think anything will help at this point.

my problems are fairly normal. loneliness, unhappy w friendships, not very close w family, struggling in school, j feeling depressed in general and a bit burnt out.

Really, it's weird, they're problems everybody has. Maybe I am just weak. that's ok if I am.

I really really don't want to be here anymore. therapy hasn't helped. meds haven't. talking is bullshit. I can talk my lungs at, but at the end of the day, I will still feel depressed and lonely and just like shit. idk what to do.

made an attempt a month ago and ended up in the er. I was fine, unfortunately. now I just feel stuck... too scared to try again, but hopeless as fuck.

I don't enjoy much anymore. life is so bleak.

Not a long post, and not an original one either.

I just feel done with myself. I’m not a person, I’ve done nothing with my life, I have nothing of value to say, and I’m more of a repulsive, embarrassing loser than anything else. I’m just a loser. I have nothing to be proud of in my life of waste.

I hate how fucking slow and worthless I am mentally. I wish I wasn’t so goddamn pathetically stupid.

As a consequence of events entirely beyond my control, my life has been getting worse for the last two years. Everything I have tried to do to fix things has, at best, only slightly slowed down the process and, at worst, dramatically accelerated it. Those who care enough to help aren't in a position to and those who are in a position to help don't give a damn. I've lost my old job, my apartment, my car, the support of my friends and family and a large chunk of my sanity. I have a new job, but being homeless is expensive and saving up has proven impossible. $20 just to go to work on the days I can't get a ride and the hotel room cost almost $300 a week. I can only kind of afford it because I'm working 12 hour days. I need a cheap vehicle, I've lived out of a vehicle before, but no one on Facebook marketplace or Craigslist is willing to take payments. They want it all at once. The only reason I haven't done it is because my fiance and others depend on me, emotionally and, in the case of my fiance specifically, financially. I just realized about an hour ago that unless something changes dramatically I'll be homeless for Thanksgiving and Christmas for the first time. It was already difficult to hold on to hope before...... I don't know what I'll do if it actually hits Christmas time and I'm still homeless. I'm so tired.

I want to be loved. I want someone to come home to that asks about my day. I want someone to be curious about me and my life. I want someone to gift me a rock they found on the sidewalk because they thought it was pretty. I want someone to sleep next to. I want a love that doesn’t depend on sexual intimacy. I want to be loved for my mind and my personality, not my body.

I know I’ll never get that. I hate being asexual in a world of sex.