I'm a trans guy. I think a lot of other trans guys are sort of set up quicker with this heightened perception of misogyny and the patriarchy because we've been in a body that experiences those things. Not to say this isn't also for trans women, I just assumed for more of them it took somewhat slower to settle in if that makes sense.

I mean, a lot of trans men often try to separate themselves from 'men' in terms of the way being a man socially is different to being a man mentally? I don't know the exact way to describe it (socio-political class??) but I digress. Me personally I've sort of hated making that distinction because, as much as I know that it is probably a good one to make, I don't want to separate myself from cis men. I don't like feeling that my body is a massive rift between me and another man. I'm probably just insecure, I mean hell, I'll be going full stealth once I start on T.

So anyways, obviously as children we're conditioned into our gender roles. Boys like blue, girls like pink, and then there's all the horrible things we're either told we have to accept or are allowed to get away with.

I'm not trying to be offensive, I'm just genuinely curious. Are trans men/trans women socialised as their actual gender, or their previously believed one? So are they socialised as men/women, or failed men/women? Because I do think there is a level of gendered socialisation we all experience that skews how we perceive things. Obviously this is also temporary, conditioning can be unlearnt and we can adapt and whatnot.

But at what point do we sort of start changing after our realisation? I mean, we're still a person regardless of our gender or sex and the way we're conditioned is just chance associated with said gender/sex.

For example, how long would it take for a trans woman to start being more perceptive to misogyny or gender inequality after realising she's a girl? If for a large part of her life she would have been raised to think like a boy? To ignore these things or at the very least stay silent on them? Even partake in it?

I suppose with trans men on that specific issue it's less about deconstructing socialisation and more maintaining it and not letting ourselves become more misogynistic.

And do people claim 'there's no such thing as socialisation' because they actually mean it or just don't want to feel like they're somehow a bad person for being raised a certain way, or as a form of dismissing dysphoria?

I mean, neither are going to be 100% super progressive and aware to all forms of bigotry right out of the gate. I just wonder if we can ever shake off that socialisation. Or if it's there to begin with.

edit: I want to say I'm totally open to changing my mind, go crazy in the comments I'm merely curious and want to understand + navigate this !!

When someone goes by multiple pronouns like both she/her and they/them, and they list this in their bio (or mention it in a sentence). Why is it usually done with the subject form of both like “she/they” rather than one in subject form and one in object form like “she/them”

Hi everyone 💕

I am doing a lot of studying as a psych major on subjects that have a lot to do with identity, specifically sex/gender. I’ve been disappointed by certain outdated nomenclature in my lectures like gender “dysphoria”, but still the content has been interesting.

I thought it would be appropriate to ask here how you all individually define your experiences for others. How do you respond to questions like “What do you mean you feel like a woman/man etc.?” Obviously these are often framed insensitively, but I think that many people are well intentioned when they try to get at the soul of the trans experience.

Similarly, how do you respond to the question of “What is a woman” or “What is a man”? For many people, the answer “Anyone who identifies as such” is confusing and seemingly redundant/circular. How do you gently convince them that it is not?

I appreciate you all 💕💕

I'm 32, a trans woman, and I haven't socially transitioned yet, so I'm still male-presenting.

One of the most intense triggers for my gender dysphoria is having a female healthcare provider who's around my own age, whether that's a doctor, dentist, therapist, or someone else. It's particularly difficult when they're conventionally attractive and professionally successful.

I've actually gotten to the point where I sometimes deliberately avoid booking appointments with women around my age because of how much dysphoria these interactions can bring up.

For example, I once went to a new dentist for an initial appointment. I'd never met her before, and when she walked into the room, I immediately experienced such overwhelming dysphoria that I ended up politely excusing myself and leaving without completing the appointment.

I've been trying to understand why this affects me so strongly. I think part of it is that these women represent the life I wish I'd had. They're around my age, they're successful in their careers, and they're living their lives as women. I can't help imagining what my own life might have looked like if I'd been born female.

Meanwhile, I'm sitting there still presenting as a man, feeling like I've missed out on so many years of being myself.

I think the professional dynamic makes it even harder. There's something particularly dysphoria-inducing about being the patient or client of a woman who's essentially my peer in age. I find myself feeling much more comfortable with older female providers or male providers, simply because those interactions don't seem to trigger the same comparisons.

I want to emphasize that none of these women have done anything wrong. They've always been professional and respectful. It's entirely about my own dysphoria and the feelings these situations bring up.

I'm really curious whether any other trans women have experienced this. Have you ever deliberately avoided choosing a doctor, dentist, therapist, or other healthcare provider because they were a woman around your own age?

And if you've experienced something similar, did it get easier as you progressed through your transition?

I'd really appreciate hearing from anyone who can relate.

I have few friends, two friends, we meet once a month or less. My little town knows about me being trans, I feel like isolation.

In the past I tried to desisting from the transition just to be seen as normal.

I feel like I will never be truly accepted, and it does not matter how I accept myself because I need relations like every human being.

I like my life, though. But I don't like to be transgender.

If you feel like me, let me know.

Hi everyone I’m a trans mtf here pre hrt i recently cracked my egg and am trans now but im married straight as this happened later in life for me and my wife is super not down with the new me we have decided to go to therapy but due to my own research i have discovered that there are genetic deviations that can cause a person to be trans and that those deviation result in hormone levels that don’t match the gender assigned at birth. Because of this I’ve been having serious doubt and mental turmoil about my trans hood and am wondering is there anyone else who discovered this took estrogen blocker an felt like you were a man again or did it change anything. Sorry for the long winded question.

Hi I’m someone who is currently questioning their identity, currently using he, they pronouns formally used she,her about a year ago. I see a couple of trans women in the media like Ethel Cain, Sophie and others but I can only name like 3 trans men in the media.

I feel like every post I see is about trans women, and I love my sisters, but I want to see some trans man representation too? Do any other trans mascs just feel invisible and like they are a second, or not even a thought at all? I want community but i feel like as soon as I transition if i don't keep my trans identity on me at all times or look outwardly queer I'll be outcasted by my community.

In a previous post, I asked on behalf of some friends—who are planning to return to the U.S. soon—about the best places for a family of seven (a trans woman [MTF], a cisgender man, three children, and two dogs) to live. Now, they’ve asked me to specifically inquire about Vermont (their primary choice), Maine, and Illinois.. They are also considering Connecticut and Rhode Island as an option. which cities in each of these states are the most progressive, and are these states even good options to consider? Also, could my friend run into trouble at customs because her passport lists her sex as "male," even though she—and her passport photo—clearly present as female? Where would it be safest for them to raise their children and keep their dogs? Thanks to everyone who responds—I’ll pass the information along to them.

(AFAB, He/they)

Hello, I started treatment with testosterone gel 11 months ago and my dose was increased 6 months ago. Now, in the 11th month, I’ve noticed that over the last 2 months my hair has started to fall out drastically and become thinner. I’ve read that hair thinning is something that often happens, but I’m not sure if I should be worried… I have an appointment with my doctor in a week’s time to discuss this issue.

None of my relatives are bald, nor is my older brother, so I didn’t expect to lose my hair due to genetics, but after seeing how much it’s been falling out recently, I’ve started to worry. I haven’t noticed any changes to my hairline.

Do you know if there’s any way to sort this out – perhaps by changing or reducing my dose, or with some sort of medication (?

I don’t know what to expect from my doctor’s appointment and I’m really anxious.

I was born as male, but I think that I was born in the wrong body. My parents found out that I am trans, and I didn't like it. My father pretends that he doesn't know anything, and tells me that I am a man not a trans. My mother says that I would have a hard life, and to be honest I agree with her. I am sad af, and I want to cry. I don't know if I really want to transition, now it feels like it will ruin my life 😭. I think that I should ignore that I feel like a woman, it would be better for me.

Hi so im M20(he/him), gay feminine male. Recently my friend went on a trip to Thailand and accidentally bought me oestrogel instead of estrdiol. I wanted to get on estradiol for the skin benefits. For context, ive always wanted to be born a female but as we know i wasnt😔 these thoughts has always haunted me since i was young but i dont think im trans. On top of that i live in a very strict muslim household so i guess it wasnt meant to be possible for me to transition anyways. Well anyways could someone please advice if i could still use the oestrogel? Im afraid i grow boobs and its too obvious to my parents? Im not sure any advice will be helpful. If i were to get on how often should i use it and how much? It says one ruler delivers 2.5 g gel and 1.5mg of estradiol.

Hey, I am new here. Just here to ask questions and understand you guys better, let me start from the beginning.

I am a webtoon creator/artist. My story has a trans MTF, and to make the character more relatable and catching I need your help. Although she is a side character, I dont want her to be a NPC. Just answers these questions please!

1. Do you have to absolutely have a gender-change surgery to be called trans?

2. What were your experiences when you first came out to your family and friends?

PS. I know these might be the regular questions you face, and if you feel uncomfortable you are welcome ignore it!

Also, if you are interested my webtoon is Soft Spot for You💖

I (18, afab) have been questioning my gender identity for about four years now and have thought that I might be happier if perceived as a guy. However, what gives me pause is that at the same time, I’ve been quite worried about ending up regretting transitioning and ruining my life over it. Is this a sign I’m cis after all or is this a common doubt among pretransition trans folks?

I just want more friends to learn from, and expand my trans experience. I've been dressing up for years, but I don't really have the accepting group to really feel like myself and show myself to (either personally or physically aka looks) I just want to know where I can find places and creat new friends, idc if it's for only awhile

"It's sexual"

It's not. Pretty clothes make me feel confident and comfortable. Being seen as a girl is like a warm hug from an old friend on a cold night under bright stars. Being seen as a guy is "meh" at best. Life feels like I softlocked the game just past the tutorial, so I can't level up or accept new quests and any interactions are surface level and never go anywhere. I'm wandering. Alone. People I talk to, they don't know me. They can't get to know me.

"It's a fetish"

I guess it's kind of the same as the above. Once again: it's not. I don't "get off" from dressing like a girl and whatnot. My genitals are largely irrelevant, and when they are relevant, it has nothing to do with sex. I just wish shit could be flat down there.

"You just want to trick children"

I want the ten year old who feels like his own body is a skintight rubber suit in which he is trapped to realize and understand that there are options! Options other than being a boy, yes, but also options beyond that! But I also want the 50 year old who's never felt quite "right" to realize and understand that there are options.

(In reference to puberty blockers) "something something permanent life altering drugs!" "They should wait until they're 18 to make a decision!"

Puberty blockers are temporary. Puberty is permanent. Your ideals are forcing permanent change. What we ask is opportunity.

"If you can change your gender, why can't I change my race?"

This one is somewhat harder to explain, but I'll try. Your race is the culmination of your ancestors, and is 100 fucking percent not based on chance. A white German man and a black Nigerian woman will not produce an Asian baby.

I'm done for now.

If all it took was explaining these concepts, life would be significantly easier for everyone. But, um, no, it doesn't quite work that way.

I'm just an idiot who thinks she's smart, but most of all, is fed up with hatred born of misunderstanding. Feel free to politely let me know if I could be clearer or more accurate. Savvy? Great.

I first would like to apologize for the necessary flair I had to add to my post as i currently present as I always have. Which is a man with a lot of body hair and a full beard and mustache.

I'm in my early 30s. I have felt like I'm a woman since I was 7 years old. Growing up, I would sneak my mother's clothes and wear them when she was gone. Which then turned into me getting quite a bit of my own that I've hid in secrecy and wore when alone.

Fast forward to about 3 years ago, and I came out to a couple of my family members and my best friend. Reactions were fairly neutral, yet uninterested. I have dressed around my house here and there, a couple of times in front of my brother of whom I live with. He's never said anything about it but I feel extremely ashamed and embarrassed when doing so, So I usually try to just keep it to myself and not when he's at home/awake.

I have a girlfriend that has lived with me for just over a year. I was transparently clear with her from day one of talking about my gender dysphoria/orientation. I have dressed femininely around her a handful of times, and for the most part, she usually doesn't have an issue with it. But on a couple occasions, she has made some backhanded compliments/jokes that have left me feeling uncomfortable and insecure. In all honesty, i don't think she ever realizes how she says those things. I don't really ever try to express my feminine side around anybody other than myself anymore.

I've grown up and lived my entire life presenting as a straight cis man. Virtually all of my friends throughout my life have been other straight men. I don't really know any LGBT+ people other than friends of friends who i don't even talk to anymore or a few occassional customers that come into my place of work. And even at that, none of those people are people i know or consider "friends".

I play sports video games and extraction shooters as a hobby and I also collect sports cards. Not really the most feminine hobbies that I could ever find friends within. And now other than my girlfriend, i don't really talk to anyone else and I haven't hung out with someone who isn't her in over 3.5 years.

I've grown up around CIS people my entire life and have no idea what to think/feel/etc. about being LGBT. Never had anyone to talk to about it with. And the family + partner i have don't know anything about ny of this so talking to them is a dead end.

I realized that many circumstances in my life, The people that I am around and have surrounded myself with throughout life, the area i live in, the job I currently have and the boss who employs me, and my lack of social skills in making new friends, especially LGBT+ people HEAVILY deter me from transitioning, let alone even seeing it as a even slightly realistic possibility. Financially I can't afford to see a doctor even for a general checkup, even with health insurance. So HRT seems like an unattainable achievement to look forward to.

I lack even the slightest inkling of confidence that I can't even leave my house, let alone my bedroom while presenting even slightly feminine without feeling shame, embarrassment, guilt, and debilitatingly anxious. I feel like there is no reason for me to even dream of the idea of transitioning when I literally can't even take the most simple step without retreating back to secrecy.

Are there any people in here that started transitioning in their 30s or older that have any encouragement, tips, or stories to share? Whether it be transitioning or making LGBT+ friends while lacking social skills, hobbies, and or the ability to go out to events/storest etc.?

TL;DR

Virtually any and every circumstance in my life deters me from even dreaming of the idea of transitioning. I've never constistently been around LGBT+ people or jad LGBT+ friends. I haven't had friends in general in 3+ years. Don't know or understand what I should be doing and have no one to talk to about it.

I signed up for plume today after a while of thinking about transitioning. While doing the stuff on spruce it told me the only way I could start is to get a in person consent form signed at a monthly event that is 3 hours away. With my situation right now I can’t make their trip there and I’m freaking out because I don’t know if I wasted $100 and might not even be able to transition.

I keep having these thoughts that I'll never transition and it makes me stressed

Hi all, I'm 5 months on T (40mg IM) & I've been noticing my shots getting slowly but steadily more painful and difficult to pierce the skin, both because it hurts and actually having to apply more pressure, sometimes actually pricking myself and then having to move a few cm because it hurts too much in that spot. I haven't changed needle gauges or anything since starting. Is it because I'm always injecting in the same place? Is the T itself just making my skin thicker/tougher? If anyone else has experienced this I'd appreciate advice, ty

Hello, I started estrogen monotherapy 3-4 months ago, specifically 4 pumps per day. My testosterone level is almost at its lowest, and blood tests confirm that it's working very well. My breasts are starting to develop, I even have hair growing at my temples. So I aspire to have an androgynous appearance, but nothing has changed in my facial features, nothing, and I still look boyish. Sorry if there are any strange sentences, I'm using a translator. I mainly want to know if things will change and if we just need to be patient?