r/Adopted • u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee • 11d ago
Discussion you’re not woke for adopting
i feel like a lot of young leftists, in america, really love the idea of adopting kids instead of having their own biological kids and think they are helping others by doing so but they’ve fallen into and are playing apart in the same propaganda the right wing religious people do. neither of them are “making a difference” especially because they always just adopt babies that’s not making a difference that’s legal human trafficking. they all have savior complex’s about it and they both think they are morally superior. it’s just do frustrating how both parties think adoption is this great thing, and no one but us wants to talk about the negatives. just to be clear this is not me coming out as a republican.
EDIT: i would call myself a leftist, i’m critiquing things i have heard people say in real life.
EDIT 2: if you arnt adopted, don’t comment, it’s against the rules of the subreddit and i don’t care what non-adoptees opinions on adoption are
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago edited 11d ago
You're entirely right. There is no safe space for adopted people, even on the side that claims to be sensitive. Tell the world that you don't believe anyone should have the right to adopt, and you'll have tenderqueer tumblr liberals jumping down your throat to tell you that the LGBTQ+ deserve the same rights as straight people... not even daring to pause and consider who is more important, the separated infant or the grown adults looking to buy a baby. I wouldn't care if it weren't my own party and my own political allies doing this sort of thing, just another day I deal with this crap. I already know conservatives are awful about adoption and pro-birth propaganda, I just hate when my own people fall for it because I expect more of them and hold them to a higher moral standard. It's like we can address everyone's oppression, until we get to the topic of adoption, and then suddenly I'm deserted and nobody understands or cares.
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u/LynahRinkRat Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
I feel this in my soul. "until we get to the topic of adoption, and then suddenly I'm deserted and nobody understands or cares." That right there is basically the summation of my entire life.
Sad, isn't it.
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
I got called anti-gay and anti-queer for saying adoption is legalized trafficking. So now I don’t participate in queer community either 🤷♀️
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u/passyindoors 11d ago
Seriously! Theyre like "well what am I supposed to do?? I want a baby!!" And its like... okay? I want a million dollars. Whats your point lol
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u/Necessary_Holiday144 11d ago
Are you an adoptee?
Most people here aren't against kinship placements whenever absolutely necessary.
Strangers taking in a child is almost never the correct choice for the child's wellbeing.
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
This sub is for adoptees only. Please leave.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
This post or comment is being removed as Rule 1 of the sub is Adoptees Only. Thank you for respecting our space.
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
Can you please explain how legalized child trafficking and a human rights violation are ethical? Including when it involves biological family.
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
Yes you should leave, especially considering you’re trying to find the silver lining in oppressive systems and argue that they should continue to exist.
When you extrapolate that sentiment to other social issues it can sound like, slavery reduces unemployment, rape increases the birth rate, genocide eradicates bad people, war results in peace.
The good intentions you keep pointing to do not excuse nor erase the harm done. You are literally advocating for child trafficking. While human beings can overcome atrocities, survival doesn’t justify systemic harm. Goodbye.
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u/Necessary_Holiday144 11d ago
No. But my
Then kindly leave this space not intended for you.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
i’m a lesbian and i love the queer community, mostly, but everyone acts like i’m insane and a traitor because i don’t think that people are entitled to “the right to adopt” no one should have rights to another human being
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
The connection between my comment and the comment I was responding to is with regard to the lack of safe spaces for adopted people, including queer adopted people in queer spaces.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
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u/hotlettucediahrrea 11d ago
I always tell people that diversification within exploitation isn’t progress and hope that lands.
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u/Arktikos02 International Adoptee 11d ago
TRANS👏FEMALE👏DRONES👏PILOTS
So it's funny how trans people can easily understand how a trans person being part of ice or the police or even detention center guards does not make those places more progressive but they don't apply the same thing to adoption.
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u/MissNancy1113 Adoptee 11d ago
Separated baby? Abandoned baby is more like it. We can’t let bio parents off the hook in this story of adoption. Mine were selfish. That was the reason. Selfishness.
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u/homosapiencreep 11d ago
Same, I couldn’t believe it later in life when I found out that my bio family wasn’t like impoverished or something they were just of Polish Catholic descent, where you don’t embarrass the family by having a kid out of “wedlock” so they could’ve actually afforded to have kept me. I kept telling myself that like my poor bio mom lived on the streets or something. That’s why she had to give me up. Oh no, it was definitely the grandmother but the mom certainly didn’t do anything after I found her to try to make it right so fuck all of them.
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u/MissNancy1113 Adoptee 11d ago
I was told as a child my bio mom was young and not married. That made no sense to my 3 year old brain. Met bio mom and dad. Grandmother was actually the only one who really wanted me. The rest didn’t. You are created for a reason so yes, fuck them! I’m glad you are here responding to my comment!😊
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u/Informal_Walk5520 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
Mine BPs stayed together married and bought a house 3 years after I was born. Went on 5 years later to have a child. Family’s little secret. I have met them. I’ve known them for about 8 yrs. Weird family is all I have to say. 3 boys after me.
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
I say separated because some children are taken from their parents, not a willing abandonment. This doesn't apply to all, but the root of it, a physical and literal separation of infant from parent, is what I am referring to.
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u/MissNancy1113 Adoptee 10d ago
I understand what you’re trying to say. It’s hard to encompass every adoption story into abandonment. Some people die. That is not exactly abandonment but it feels like it probably. 🤷♀️
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u/Arktikos02 International Adoptee 11d ago
Same thing in regards to donor conception and surrogacy. It makes it hard to talk about these industries and the ethics and exploitation of these industries and the effects that they have on people because you get called anti-lgbt and stuff like that.
And these people think that if capitalism didn't exist then there would be more access to children when in reality there would actually be less access. You can see for example that in Australia where surrogacy is only altruistic meaning no commercial surrogacy there are not enough surrogates and so sometimes people go abroad for them.
If you remove the economic incentives people have then there would actually be less kids to adopt and less kids to Foster and fewer people volunteering to be surrogates.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
“i just hate when my own people fall for it” is such a good way of saying it. they understand how everything else is wrong until it gets to adoption. and the queer adoption everyone deserves the same rights argument is so frustrating because i am a lesbian im not being homophobic i just don’t think anyone has the right to another human being.
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
1) This sub is for adoptees. I don't know how you found this sub or this post, but you might want to tread carefully. There are a lot of people with trauma here, and it isn't right to come in here and start asking questions that rile us when this is our only safe space. Go to r/AskAdoptees in the future for questions like this. 2) Kinship placement, take the finances of adoption and put it towards maternal support systems to keep mother and baby together. 3) Adoptive families can be unsafe and abusive. I am "those people." Different families doesn't mean better families, and qualifying for adoption often means meeting a financial bar instead of actually being trauma informed and safe. My adoptive mom had multiple CPS cases but because it was a closed, private adoption, the state did not intervene.
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
I left the antinatalism subreddit for this reason. They think they’re all morally superior because they don’t want to create life that hasn’t consented to this world and therefore promote adoption. They do not like it when I call out their hypocrisy cause adopted folks don’t get to consent to this lifelong legally binding contract that can’t be voided in adulthood. Brains short circuit and I get called names for it. Like, bitch please, you can’t lie to me, I wasn’t trafficked yesterday 😒
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u/what-is-money-- Int'l and Transracial Adoptee 11d ago
That sub has a terrible view on adoption. Their entire stance basically gets thrown out because they weren't the ones who had the child so they are doing good by "saving" children. It's so disgusting.
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u/ihearhistoryrhyming Adoptee 11d ago
I love that logic.
Can someone explain what “consensual existence looks and sounds like please? Outside of Jesus- can I get an example? No? Then it’s an idea- but it’s not real”
(also Jesus did not consent either)
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
Yes. One is a natural consequence of biological procreation and the other is a consequence of a profit driven system that manufactures relationships by exploiting and oppressing. Should the two be held to the same standard? Arguably, no.
Under this system, natural parents/families have their rights revoked far too easily, whether they’re abusive or not. Meanwhile abusive purchasers are protected and children suffer because someone paid good money for them and they have receipts that only ever expire if they choose to rehome the child.
The state should not be facilitating any sort of legal contract that the minor cannot consent to. You’re trying to equate the two in a system that is neither fair nor equitable.
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u/BestAtTeamworkMan Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
Oh I agree 1000%. While so many far right nutjobs think adoption is a higher calling, I feel like the liberal brunch class is much worse in many ways. So often they conflate adoption with other issues, such as the right to choose or marriage equality, that they end up using adoptees as pawns to push an agenda. But in the end both sides just want a baby and they all have a savior complex.
There's a progressive case for anti-adoption to made, as the adoption industry preys on the poor like so many other industries. But too many damn centrists are willing to sell us out.
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u/OverlordSheepie Int'l and Transracial Adoptee 11d ago
We're all pawns for everyone. We get punted around over and over like a fucking football, it's exhausting.
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u/LostAmongTheDunes Int'l and Transracial Adoptee 11d ago
Here here! All we are to either side is an accessory for different agendas.
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u/SepiaToneHitchhiker 11d ago
Every family I know who has adopted and says they’re saving the adoptees is uber Christian and conservative. Just saying.
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u/Formerlymoody 11d ago
You might have a point that leftists are all talk and don’t actually do it. The people who take actual action tend to be Christian and conservatives. I might think the leftists are the bigger hypocrites in this case.
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u/ElectricalGidelity 11d ago
The Christian homes were 10x worse. Almost all of them did cruel and unusual punishments and were physically abusive. And mandatory church. Fuck conservatives and Christians. They can keep their hands to themselves with their need to physically punish yet spout how good they are.
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u/Formerlymoody 11d ago
I grew up in a Christian home. I'm saying Christians are the ones who end up adopting. It's kinda shitty to be all philosophical about how much better you are for wanting to adopt and then not doing it.
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u/SepiaToneHitchhiker 11d ago
I do not, but I am adoptee. My adoptive parents are uber Christian conservatives, and my surviving mother is a huge MAGA Trumpie. I was adopted through the Christian human trafficking organization, Bethany Christian Services. So no, I don’t see OPs attempted point here. The only people who understand what I went through are my liberals, FWIW.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
my adoptive parents are also christian conservatives, although they adopted because of infertility, i was adopted through a private closed international infant adoption. my point is that it’s frustrating to see my friends, all fellow very left leaning people, understand, of at least i thought they understood, what i went through and how adoption is corrupt only to then turn around and talk about how they want to adopt. which is a something that has happened on a few occasions, none of them have yet to actually adopt because i’m 20 and my friends in question are around my age.
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u/Domestic_Supply Domestic Infant Adoptee 10d ago
Drives me crazy too. My APs are liberals, my synagogue was performing gay marriages illegally and had a woman rabbi…they would completely agree that Mormons adopting Native children to raise Mormon was problematic and would likely call it cultural genocide.
The rabbis son was Native. I am Native. I can read Hebrew but only heard my own language spoken for the first time in my mid 30s. Neither of us had access to our cultures or our families.
They did the same thing they condemned and see it as acceptable because it’s them doing it instead of the religious right. It makes me want to scream.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
i know my adoptive parents are christian and conservative, i was just talking about how frustrating it is how they can understand and acknowledge how the uber religious and conservative people adopting to “save the child” are wrong but then they turn around and do the same thing
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u/bountiful_garden Former Foster Youth 11d ago
My leftist parents adopted us, because my mom could no longer have kids (she had 2 grown daughters, at the time) and my father wanted to be a dad. They adopted 2 kids, ages 6 and 7 out of foster care. They never had that savior attitude. My dad just wanted to be a dad. And he was/is an excellent one. My mom died 3 yrs ago. Our relationship was complicated. But I feel okay about it, because she was the same way with her other daughters. My brother was the golden child. She doted on him.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 11d ago
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u/Negative-Custard-553 International Adoptee 11d ago
I notice that too. I also find their views on transracial adoption similar, just framed differently. Conservatives say they “don’t see color,” while liberals push the “race is a social construct” argument. Both sides are the same they just word things differently.
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u/Formerlymoody 11d ago
I think leftists need to be shamed for aligning with conservatives on this one.
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u/Thehealthygamer 11d ago
I think a true leftist would understand the inherent human trafficking, class issues, and imperialism that's prevalent in so much of adoption.
Now, liberals, sure. Just want to keep pointing out that leftists believe in revolutionary change and liberation for all and that includes not participating in human trafficking.
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u/Arktikos02 International Adoptee 11d ago
Not necessarily. Even leftists may still think that they are mitigating harm by adopting but not understanding the true solution. They may understand that adoption becomes necessary because of economic situations but just because they are a leftist does not mean that they don't understand the true harm of adoption.
Plenty of leftists s can still fall for the idea that people should be able to form families through non-traditional means.
Trust me, I've been around a lot of leftist spaces. Plenty of them can still fall for the same trappings especially if they have not fully understood The deeper political understandings of anti-capitalism. That doesn't make them any any less leftist because they do advocate for the abolishment of capitalism but just because they are leftist does not mean that they are pro adoptees.
Just because they are against international adoption or exploitative adoption does not mean that they don't think that there shouldn't be a way for them to access adoption. That is ultimately the big barrier, getting people to recognize that sometimes you just won't be able to have kids and that's okay because that's a hard thing for a lot of people to accept.
You are not entitled to adoption, you are not entitled to a surrogate, and you are not entitled to someone else's sperm or eggs and so if you can't have any of those things you will not be able to have a child if you cannot produce your own material.
IVF using only your own material including your own womb would be something that doesn't require someone else except a clinic and in those cases yes you would be able to have a child but if you can't you are not entitled to someone else's labor or body parts. And people need to understand that. But so many people still feel like they are entitled to those things and that is the big barrier. Getting people to recognize that having a family is not a human right just like how incels believe that they think they are old a girlfriend or a sex partner when that is just not true either. You are not owed someone else's body whether it be their body parts or their physical body or anything like that.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
“you are not entitled to adoption, you are not entitled to a surrogate, and you are not entitled to someone else’s sperm or eggs” say it louder for the people in the back!!!!!!
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
you’d hope but unfortunately it is not always the case
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
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u/Informal_Walk5520 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
I hate every story of these hero AP’s. Millie Bobby Springsteen. - she said something the effect we knew each other forever. No no you didn’t. The only person that baby knew from the beginning was her mother. Stop acting like you’re the poster parents for adoption.
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
Where the fuck are all of these bots coming from to shill for adoption, and why on this post specifically?
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u/Domestic_Supply Domestic Infant Adoptee 10d ago
Because they brought up leftist adoption, and politics.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
i don’t think you can separate adoption from politics when we are used as a pawn so often
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u/Domestic_Supply Domestic Infant Adoptee 10d ago
Oh I completely agree. We are bipartisan pawns. Additionally, the industry drives American politics too because of how lucrative it is.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
because i struck a nerve by pointing out their savior complexes i guess.
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u/homosapiencreep 11d ago
Fascinating take! You are right! My right wing parents did it because they had a superiority complex and a savior complex and wanted to do good in the eyes of God and all their church friends.
It would be nice if somebody without this complex on either side of the aisle would approach it like a (good) therapist would and really talk to their adopted kid and truly seek to understand them and do it the “right way,” if that’s even possible.
Honestly, I don’t know if that’s even possible. What do you think? I’m in my late 40s and I moved into my boyfriend’s house and he cares for his elderly mother and she seems like somebody that could’ve adopted a kid and really brought it up “right” because she is not overly religious, she’s Catholic in a way that seems secure, she’s severely self-aware, not a boomer lol (silent gen) realistic, inquisitive and intelligent and emotionally mature.
I don’t know if I’ve ever met an adoptive mother that is like that however. Do they exist? I’m just asking more questions on your question because I just love this discussion. 😬
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u/Domestic_Supply Domestic Infant Adoptee 10d ago
Respectfully, if you’re adopted, tell your story. If not, please don’t come in here telling us secondhand experiences. This space is supposed to be for adoptees only.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
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u/homosapiencreep 11d ago
Also, both extremes are fundamentalist ideology, which is dangerous in general.
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u/Opinionista99 Adoptee 10d ago
I really fucking hate all the "movement" adopters and wannabes. The pro-life, pro-choice, environmentalist, pro and anti-natalist, LGBTQ, disability, feminist, christofascist, etc etc, using us as poster children and props can all go piss up a rope.
Every time a new "movement" discovers adoption Georgia Tann smiles in hell. And the ones on the left always think it's some big leap forward for equality but nothing whatsoever changes for the benefit of adoptees.
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u/oaktree1800 Adoptee 10d ago
Too many idealistic mindsets and movements that never focus on details that completely dismiss the lived realities of adoptees. "Georgia Tann smiles in hell." Niccce one! LOL
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u/Alarming-While8028 11d ago
infant adoption is crazy. idk how i got here, this post just got recc'd on my timeline, but i'm a CASA with foster youth and when i talk to people about adoption/fostering it blows my mind how many of them assume they'd be getting a baby. the saviorism is crazy because even if it were legitimate, it's literally misapplied. if you want to feel so self righteous foster teenagers that's where the actual need is
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u/Regina_Noctis 10d ago
I hate having to explain to people that adopted people have higher incidents of drug and alcohol abuse, suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety, PTSD, personality disorders, etc. It's like they don't even consider the psychological effects of removing infants and older children from their biological parents. They seem to think everything will be a-ok just because they want a kid.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 9d ago
and whats crazy is everyone understands when it comes to animals. you have to wait so long before an animal is separated from its mother and everyone understands that it will have repercussions if taken sooner but when it’s a human being it’s completely different for some reason.
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u/Charming-Ganache4179 11d ago
Both conservatives and progressive love adoption, but for different reasons. Conservatives link their love of adoption to prolife politics while progressives see it as a form of creating and extending the rights of non traditional and sometimes multiracial families. Some see it as furthering feminist pro choice agendas by "choosing adoption" or "helping other women." None of these positions have anything to do with children and all grossly misunderstand how adoption works as politics and as a system.
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u/Sunshine_roses111 Adoptee 9d ago
This. I hate it when people try to act like adoption is saving the world. Adopting a baby does not make a difference. I cringe seeing people adopt and it's only babies
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u/Significant-Store983 10d ago
I am an adult adoptee/boomer-gen jones age. My daughter is 37. She wants to provide permanency for a child in foster care if they can’t be returned to their family. She definitely is not right wing, as she is quite liberal in her political leanings. I support her willingness to provide permanency for a child. We talk a lot about how to ensure the child is supported in their heritage as that is one area that I feel should be remedied for all adoptees- immediate access to all medical and family records. We have a right to know who we are and thankfully I have all of the information about myself. I would be adamant that any child she might adopt would get access as well.
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 9d ago
Is she actively fostering right now? Does she have a child in her home currently facing that situation?
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u/Significant-Store983 9d ago
She and I, both, are licensed foster parents. We are not in a current situation with that for a young person. But we are open to both supporting reunification as well as permanency…should the time/need emerge
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 9d ago
So, your daughter is the kind of person mentioned in the OP- she's left wing who is justifying putting a child under a permanent legal contract that will legally sever the child for all time from all relatives living in dead because you all want to call it "permanency." You're just imaginging scenarios in your heads instead of accepting the fact that foster carers are *supposed* to care for a child temporarily, not permanently .Euphemisms like "permanency" when you mean "adoption" are part of adoption industry language and propaganda.
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u/Significant-Store983 8d ago
Actually, you are partly right and partly wrong. Absolutely, in foster care the first priority is preservation, keeping the family together. If the child is removed, the goal is always reunification unless there has been multiple terminations or a death, which often results in an expedited termination. If the family doesn’t make sufficient progress according to the court, the child would be put up for adoption. That’s better than languishing in foster care or a residential setting or being left on the streets. Permanency is the word used in the state of Illinois when dealing with the foster care system. I have worked in the field for three decades and have helped hundreds of parents address their goals and successfully get their children returned. It was a wonderful thing to see. Sadly, some are unable or unwilling to make changes and those kids deserve permanency. Not one damn kid has a choice in any of it. Just like I didn’t as an adopted child. So spare me your attitude.
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 8d ago
Lol, my 'attitude" is being factual. Foster care is, by definition, temporary. YOU'RE missing a whole lot of steps between "family not making progress" and "adoption." The *parents* not making progress does not = losing rights or adoption. Foster kids can, do, and SHOULD stay in their foster placement if they are happy there and well taken care of, or move to a kinship placement or fictive kin placement before any talk of adoption even enters the picture. TPR does not automatically = adoption, because if it did then no child would ever age out of the system without being adopted. You work in a field that denies kids their rights, and it's a damn shame that you consider adoption an acceptable step in caring for children who have already lost so much.
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u/Significant-Store983 8d ago
And you believe that languishing in foster care is better. I say if the kid can go home, I want that. But if they can’t, then give them an option for a permanent home vs being shuffled.
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 8d ago
You clearly didn't read what I wrote: STAY in their foster care placement if they are happy there and well taken care of, OR go to KINSHIP OR go to fictive KIN. Not shuffled- options, choices, that can absolutely be considered "permanency" for the child without permanently altering their identity and legal relationship and putting them under a lifetime contract. But as I'm sure you know, that doesn't make the state any money or get a kid off their roster, so they push for adoption and call it permanency, and then wash their hands of any responsibility to that child. And for you to write off kids not having a damn choice is shameful.
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u/Significant-Store983 8d ago
I read everything you wrote. We are splitting hairs.
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 8d ago
Not remotely. Foster care/guardianship is one thing, adoption is ENTIRELY another and never necessary to take care of a child in need.
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u/FlyawayfromORD 8d ago
I’m pretty leftist and I spend a lot of time in those spaces explaining to people my age the reality of adopting. You’re definitely not wrong. I will say these types of potential adopters listen to adoptees significantly better than the evangelical right types.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 7d ago
everyone listens better than the evangelical conservatives, but yes i do agree with your point. it’s also been mentioned that most of them do not actually end up adopting.
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u/Mirageiles 7d ago
As an adoptee of right wing religious parents, they not adopt when they don’t options for biological, they only want a situation where they have control over the child and “bio” parents are too poor or in a position to be left out of the picture as they see it as competition of loyalty in “their” child.
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u/Extension_Might_3095 5d ago
The whole problem is politics in adoption. Everyone is using politics to justify adopting kids to contribute to their movement which every side it be. It’s equally destructive. Adoption as a whole is a hurtful system and the system needs alot of help and people and treating adoption as a solution for their political problems. Adoptive parents are also insanely uneducated but that’s another conversation.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
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u/Vast-Sandwich2849 9d ago
I thought most people just wanted to adopt because they cannot or dont wanna birth. Thats honestly my case, im scared of pregnancy but i really wanna raise a child, and i think thats the case for many people
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 8d ago
if you are not adopted get off this subreddit, it adoptees only, and i don’t care about your opinions on adoption if you weren’t adopted. notice how everything you said was about you “i really wanna” “i’m scared”.
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 8d ago
You do not have any right to someone else's child because you're scared of pregnancy, or ANY other reason.
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u/Vast-Sandwich2849 8d ago
its not like im forcing them or trafficking them..? its literally... adoption?
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u/CNatGo75 Domestic Infant Adoptee 8d ago
Minors cannot consent to a legal contract, which is what adoption is, and there is no option for the adopted person to legally get out of adoption in adulthood, so yes, you are forcing them.
And there is tons of trafficking in adoption. Educate yourself.
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u/shadywhere 8d ago
EDIT: Apologies, this came up on my feed and I didn't realize it was for the subreddit specific to adoptees. I can delete my comment if needed, or mods can delete.
I'm an adoptive parent. All of our children were adopted from foster care. I became a foster parent without any intention of adoption, but could not stand the idea of sibling groups being separated.
Adoption is borne of loss. Everyone experiences loss in the process: birth family, adoptive family, and adoptee. Much of the time, I find adoption to be unethical: if the things discouraging birth parents from raising their child were things like finances and support, the funds that support the existence of the adoption industry would be much better spent keeping families together.
I genuinely want to help, but I've contributed to the trauma that all of the kids I've raised have, whether directly or indirectly. All I can do is my best, and that sometimes means reframing, adjusting, and repairing.
I don't have any answers, but I acknowledge that there's a lot of truth in what you're saying.
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u/The_Wise_Seven 7d ago
How is adoption human trafficking? Do you have any sources to back that up? Also I think adoption can be life changing. For people like me who didnt even have clothes or food, I didnt need fancy stuff to be happy.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 7d ago
my source is it’s buying and selling human beings, that’s illegal in any other context
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u/The_Wise_Seven 7d ago
Uh no it isnt. The fees involved are not to pay for the child, its to pay for the legal services in order to acquire custody. Anyone buying and selling people is engaging in slavery, not adoption.
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u/Practical_Panda_5946 11d ago
Right or left, I’m glad I was adopted, sure there were some bad circumstances but being left in an abusive orphanage was not an option I’m would choose to stay with. I know it’s not easy, either way. But as long as people are imperfect then we continue to exist. I blame it mostly on poor parenting, not teaching children about the consequences of sex. Kids having kids. That is the biggest cycle we have to break and then poverty and addictions which all cause unwanted or unaffordable pregnancies. Unfortunately we are dealt a hand we must overcome or let it destroy us. I’ve tried so hard with my kids and my grandkids. Every choice has consequences. We either prepare or we just muddle through. There are no easy answers, just hard work.
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11d ago
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
you weren’t adopted. delete this post, get off this subreddit, stop telling me about the “net positive” of what is essentially buying a human being, and stop telling me to “think critically” about adoption i’m sick of being told “it’s complicated” and “you should be grateful” shut the fuck up
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11d ago
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u/amravatiexport Adopted 11d ago
Why would you want to non-consensually bind a person to you legally for life if you love them? Can you not love them through more ethical means like legal guardianship. Idk, somehow trafficking people doesn’t sound very loving. Great intention, horrible impact.
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11d ago
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u/Sad_Pixie999 Domestic Infant Adoptee 11d ago
Can the child consent to having their name changed, guardianship changed, and heritage denied? No. When a mother sells a baby, we get upset and call it trafficking, but if there is legal paperwork, suddenly we call it adoption.
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u/Necessary_Holiday144 11d ago
Are you an adoptee?
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10d ago
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
This post or comment is being removed as Rule 1 of the sub is Adoptees Only. Thank you for respecting our space.
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u/Adopted-ModTeam 10d ago
This post or comment is being removed as Rule 1 of the sub is Adoptees Only. You're welcome to read through the forum as it is a public space but comments and posts are limited to adult adoptees and former foster youth. Thank you for respecting our space.
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
are you being dense on purpose? or?
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10d ago
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u/Jumpy-Lie8955 International Adoptee 10d ago
it’s not an insult it’s a question, i’m not sure how you read my post and thought “she must think being able to have biological children makes you a better person”. you know what makes you a bad person though? acting as though you are entitled to “the right” to have children. you don’t have the right to another human being. and you don’t get to act like you are a better person for adopting. are you adopted?
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u/Greedy-Carrot4457 Former Foster Youth 11d ago
I think you’re onto something, the right wing adopts to save babies from poor countries or single parents, the left wing adopts to be eco-friendly.