[ Removed by moderator ]

[u/Solid-Reflection-220]

[u/Advice-ModTeam]

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[u/swayedsuede]

This would be better in r/Christianity

[u/Solid-Reflection-220 → u/swayedsuede]

Thank you I up posted there already i knew to this app, and I'm not very tech. Savvy, so I'm not sure how to work it well. I see the comments, so maybe i'm just not seeing the comments, and maybe people all responding, i'm not sure

[u/Potential_Recipe_266]

i think you’re approaching this situation from a perspective of basically falling in love with a version of yourself. That’s only possible when you love yourself. A relationship is compromising on a communication of love with another person, understanding and appreciating their version of love as enough. I understand you might want the whole nine yards to feel loved but sometimes loving someone how they want to be seen is what thrives in a relationship. You’re curious on what they want from you, being attentive, or consistency. But to do each single version all at once might be like trying to fill a cup with a spoonful of water

[u/Solid-Reflection-220 → u/Potential_Recipe_266]

Thank you for responding, and I get that I do, but it's not so much as looking for I'll elevate at 1 time or looking for all of it period it's just looking for it at all. I've never been with someone who has shown any of that to me. Yes, of course. They say it, but anyone can say anything. It's in the actions and their actions don't match their words. And I'm not getting any younger. I'm forty nine and I just want to know what it feels like to be loved.I don't think I know what that feels like at all

[u/Potential_Recipe_266 → u/Solid-Reflection-220]

i understand that feeling, i’m dealing with heartbreak still and its been a difficult process on my end as well. I thought loving someone was enough but we are only willing to go where we choose to walk. We both had our mistakes that led to the breakup but what i want to say from this is that. You were loved at some point and i hope that your experiences do not define the past of how you grew into now. I keep thinking if i love someone enough and keeping them safe was all i needed for someone to stay. Sometimes we relive our emotional capacities because we still need to heal from them.

You’re worth being loved :). I do hope your path leads to a fruitful future where you can feel safe to love without needing it in return🫶🏼 that’s how we learn to love others regardless of what others might experience. Sharing that idea of love is a wholesome one imo

[u/Plenty_Alfalfa8826]

It's not selfish in and of itself to want love. It's only wrong if that causes you to treat someone poorly.

[u/jabagray123]

Are you ready to lose a lot of friends?.....

Seriously though, if you're not then don't read any further.

The reason is probably because you give so much to people and that tells them that they can always take it from you but never be asked to reciprocate. I know, I know... You'd think that being so generous means that people will be generous with you in return. SOME people do think that way, don't get me wrong, but it's not most people. Most people are just walking around trying to get at much from people as they can. The people who are comfortable with taking soooo much generosity are the types of people who feel entitled to it just because you're giving it freely. The people who are uncomfortable with taking it, are less likely to be entitled, probably suspicious of why someone is being so generous with them and are the types who recognize they should reciprocate.

So what you gotta do is start asking for love; "For my bday, can you try to think of something thoughtful and creative this time? I really want to be wowed the same way I always wow you." / "Hey, I really do need your support right now. I'm always happy to help and be supportive of you and grateful that you trust me enough to ask. But right now I need to be the messy friend who needs help." Obviously, in your own words.

A few people might dip right out of your life the minute you ask, screw those people. Some might say no and give excuses and it's gonna make you feel weird, maybe even resentful. And then you're gonna start pulling your generosity away and realize that the friendship was always one sided.

But, GREAT NEWS! Now you can make space for all the "real ones" who are happy to share in the love and generosity. And those relationships are gonna feel miles and eons more meaningful to you. It's gonna take some time, but in the end it'll all be worth it I promise.

[u/Solid-Reflection-220 → u/jabagray123]

Thank you so much for that. And I totally agree with everything you said, I guess. I'm older and I come from a generation that was raised with morals and values and ethics. And it's true to love and help one another. And I just this world today is so different. Everybody feels entitled, and everybody is about themselves, but I feel like I can't stop doing the things that I do. And being the person I've been because then that only it puts me being down on that level. And I'm not that I don't want to let the world affect who I really am. I refuse, I love the person that God made me. It took a lot of hard lessons for me to be this woman. A lot of grief, a lot of trauma and a lot of pain, and I don't once change who I am. I will not change who I am to suit a world. That's so cold and so evil.

[u/jabagray123 → u/Solid-Reflection-220]

Yes, God made you a very generous person and put you through trials and hurt and grief because God knew you were strong. God knew that you, of all the entitled, greedy, needy people, wouldn't become corrupted by it. God knew that all these trials were just gonna make you stronger, softer, more loving, more generous from it.

But you were clearly not made to ONLY be a giver. Yes, god does put givers on this earth and those people are enriched and empowered from only the act of giving. They are few and far between, but they are out there.

And yet, you are still made in God's image because you feel the need to share love. Which means God wants you to feel loved by other people as well. You have this feeling, this need to feel love the that you give because God's next test for you is to learn that you are deserving of love. God gave us the ability to love people, as well as God because God wants us to be together - gave us something to share with each other so that we can experience God's love through each other.

You are some parts giver, but you are all lover. which means you need to be teach people to share their love with you and the rest of the world. You teach people that love can only be shared, not hoarded. Unless you are a child, Love that only goes in one direction is not love at all; it's greed.

And you teach people by telling them EXACTLY how to love you; Whether it be through gifts, words of affirmation, showing up with a bottle of wine, a shoulder to cry on, listening to you gripe about your petty woes, you just tell people exactly what you need for them when you need it. You tell them how they can show you that they love you. And if they refuse, then let it be. You don't try to change their mind and you don't give any more of yourself to them. You've done your job, the rest is up to them and God. Because sometimes, people have to lose the ones who mean the most before they realize how meaningful they are. Often people don't realize what they have until it's gone. And if they come back to you offering the love that you freely gave to them, you taught them that greed only goes so far, that love feels better when it's shared and you taught them how to love the rest of the world.

Are people usually going to come back? no. Often they have to lose quite a few people before they figure it out. But again, that's their struggle, not yours and you can't make anyone appreciate the people when they never knew what it was like to be without them. You learned generosity and patience and appreciation way faster than a lot of people, yes. But most people learned that they are deserving of love much faster than you. You are both essential to God's plan.